Such Great Heights
by SweetT129
Summary: AH; When Bella meets her internet friends, married couple Jasper and Alice, she tries her best to fight the attraction. But tequila is a powerful thing. After a sexy night together, where will the friendship go? And where will Bella end up?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Welcome to my new fic. I'm excited about this one, I've been wanting to write it for awhile. It's going to be a very bumpy ride, I'm warning you now. But there's lots of good times, lots of lemons, and lots of angst to come. And no guarantee of a HEA. You'll just have to take the ride with me and see where it goes. **

**This is, of course, fanfiction. Stephenie Meyer owns all recognizable elements of Twilight. No copyright infringement intended, and I will not profit from this outside of my own satisfaction. **

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 1**

I was nervous as I parked in front of the small stucco ranch. It was the first time I'd ever been to Alice and Jasper's house. Hell, it was the first time I'd even met them in person. I didn't even know what they looked like! Jasper and I had been online friends for awhile by this time. It started off with hellos here and there, casual conversation and questions about each other's days. Honestly, I never thought much of it back then.

But things changed, as they are ever bound to do. It started with a simple question he asked me one day – did I know Claire Young? I did, but his question led to several more. It seemed that Jasper was writing a novel in his spare time, a historical thriller, I later learned, and Claire was proofreading for him. Or, she was supposed to be. Jasper hadn't heard from her in a while, thus the question to me. Claire, as fate would have it, had prematurely delivered her first child, and had practically moved into the hospital's neonatal unit, so she wouldn't be proofreading anything anytime soon. Having majored in English myself – I was currently working as a reporter for the local newspaper where I lived, a small town in Arizona outside of Phoenix – I offered to take on the job for him.

Who knew that, four months later, I'd be walking up the tan brick path to his front door? I surely did not. But an instant message conversation that we'd had when he was stuck on a plot point had opened the door of friendship for us. That conversation had led to many others; conversations that were much more personal in nature.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean personal in any kind of inappropriate way. I just mean that we were getting to know each other. We talked about music that we liked, books we enjoyed, our favorite movies... We talked about the problems he was having with Alice: she wasn't supportive of his writing venture. In fact, it seemed she wasn't supportive of much when it came to him, unless it was him going to work.

Jasper did work, mind you. He had a job working as a blackjack dealer in a big casino on the Las Vegas strip. He made good money, but it wasn't anything he loved. There were only two things that he did love, really, and that was his writing, and his music.

As I took the step up from the front walk to approach the door, I laughed softly at the memory of the moment I learned about his music. It had only been a few weeks ago. He had mentioned it casually, in passing, that he played guitar, and immediately caught my attention. I'm not going to lie, I have a bit of an obsession with music in general, but especially guitars. Jasper, after much prodding and maybe even a little begging, had finally consented to giving me a listen.

The first mp3 was an instrumental track, an acoustic song he'd written, a little bit alternative, a little bit indie. I liked it. A lot, actually. The second mp3, however, was the one that was the entire reason for the bad case of nerves I was trying to calm as I raised my hand to knock on the door. That second track was not just him playing guitar, but singing. It was a cover of Nirvana's Lithium. I couldn't speak. Seriously. His voice... It was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard, and I was absolutely mesmerized.

I'm pretty sure I embarrassed myself when he asked what I thought, but he was too nice a guy to point that out. And now, five days later, I jumped in surprise when his face popped up in the screen before I could even knock on the door.

I was fucked.

I stepped back as he opened the screen door, and that's when the full effect of Jasper Whitlock hit me. He smiled at me, and my knees went weak. His eyes... They were brown, with flecks of gold, and so damn deep that I swear I could see into his soul. That sounds cheesy, I know, but it doesn't make it less true. At any rate, his eyes totally lit up when he smiled at me, and it took every effort I had to smile back and keep my lips to myself as I accepted the hug that was suggested by his open arms.

"Hey Bella," he said softly as he pulled back from the hug. The hug that was given by two very strong and well-toned arms. He even smelled good.

Fucked, I tell you.

He was nothing like my usual type. Well, I guess I didn't really know exactly _what_ my type was. The only guy I'd been with in the last decade was my asshat of a husband, Edward. I shook my head. I didn't even want to go there tonight. Usually, though, if I was looking at men, I preferred dark hair, long enough that I could play with it, and a clean cut kind of guy. Jasper was none of these. He had blond hair cut super short, maybe only a inch or two off of his head, and I could see points of black ink poking out of the sleeve of his shirt – a tattoo.

Silently begging my lady bits to calm down as I took in the smile on his face, which was completely endearing in the way it all seemed to go to the left side rather than spread equally. But I could tell it was genuine: he was as happy to finally meet me as I was him. Well, maybe not _quite_ as excited. After all, he had Alice, and they were, at least from what he'd told me, happy again, so he probably wasn't fighting the attraction like I was. And I highly doubted he had any desire to have sex with my voice...

"It's good to finally put a face with your name," I said, smiling as I stepped into the house. I looked around the living room. "Where's Alice?"

"She's just getting Peter and Charlotte out of the bath," he replied as he led me to the living room. "Take a seat, she'll be out in a couple of minutes. You want something to drink?"

I settled myself on the sofa as he went to get me a glass of water. I was really excited to meet Alice. She and I had talked online too, but I hadn't really become friends with her like I had Jasper. I was taking her to a concert on the strip that evening – my excuse for making the trip to Vegas – as a way to get to know her better. I didn't want things to be awkward. After all, I had no intentions of doing anything with Jasper, no matter how wet his voice made my panties. He was married, and I was a good girl.

He brought my water in, and we chatted about my drive to Nevada and our plans for the next night, which was when the three of us were going to hang out. We were just discussing what kind of alcohol he should pick up from the liquor store when Alice walked in.

God hates me.

She was gorgeous. Long black hair fell about halfway down her back with a very slight wave. It wasn't until she stepped next to the light that I saw the blue streaks throughout it. They matched her eyes perfectly.

I swallowed hard, trying to regain the ability to speak. She smiled, seeming not to notice my discomfort, and I dropped my eyes from her face shyly. Unfortunately, they landed right on her chest. I should probably admit at this point that I had a sexual relationship with a girl right before I met Edward, and have had a bit of a thing for boobs ever since. These didn't disappoint.

"I heard you suggest tequila to Jasper," she said, a naughty look in her eye. "That's not a very good idea."

Jasper laughed. "Not unless you want Alice here in your lap."

_Oh, but I do, Jasper. I so do. _

"Shut up, Jasper!" Alice cried. "It was one time!"

I don't know how long I stood there silent, with my eyes glazing over at the thought of Alice's perfect C cups in my hands as those lips, which looked so soft, pressed against mine. What I do know, however, is how horribly embarrassed I was when she giggled as she tucked a finger under my chin to snap my mouth shut.

"You ok there, Bella?" she said softly, the teasing tone in her voice setting me more at ease.

I nodded once. "Bring the tequila, Jasper," I said with a wink. "I'll take my chances."

The look on Jasper's face was priceless, and totally worth it. Alice and I both giggled as he swallowed hard, looking at us with wide eyes as Alice dragged me toward the back of the house.

"Come on, Bella! We've got to hurry up and get ready or we'll be late to the concert."

We got dressed side by side in Jasper and Alice's bedroom. Just like the rest of the house, their room was really simple, no real decorating scheme going on, just a big blue striped blanket on the top of the bed. Alice, however, was anything but simple. She put on skinny jeans that hugged her body perfectly – Alice was skinny, but the girl had a perfectly rounded ass and hips that were begging to be grabbed on to. I can't deny having snuck a peek at her while she was sliding the jeans up and caught sight of her lime green and hot pink striped boyshorts.

She was going to kill me.

With her jeans, she wore a low cut black tee shirt with a lacy blue cami underneath and super sexy strappy black sandals. I felt plain standing beside her, wearing dark straight leg jeans and a brown button-down blouse that tied with a bow around the waist, but Alice was ready to help. She gave me some chunky gold and bronze bracelets that were a good match to my shoes. I smiled at my reflection, and Alice smiled into the mirror as well.

"We look hot. Let's have Jasper take a couple of pictures, then we'll go," she said.

I loved her confidence.

I also loved the idea that she included me in the hotness. Then I took a deep breath, reminding myself that Alice was as much off limits as Jasper before following her out into the living room.

Several pictures and a hug from Jasper later, Alice and I were out the door and sitting in her car – an older Honda Accord that wouldn't have suited her at all except that she'd added her own sort of pizzaz to it in the form of a disco ball hanging from the rearview mirror and seat covers in shades of purple stripes throughout. I shook my head as I saw it, laughing too softly for her to hear. Seems Alice liked stripes everywhere.

The concert was fantastic – it was a relatively unknown band that I was huge fan of. Their sound was a mix of rock and funk, and even though Alice had never heard them before that night, she was a great sport, and I could tell she was enjoying herself. I was pretty caught up in watching the stage – I spent most of my time staring at the hands of whichever band member was playing guitar – but every so often, my eyes left the stage to look at Alice. I couldn't help but smile as I saw her dancing to the beat, her long hair swinging from side to side and a look of pure joy on her face. Every time, I thought again just how beautiful she was.

When the show was over, Alice and I, both of us having consumed more than our share of alcoholic beverages during the concert, walked out of the small club and into the casino it was attached to. We'd reserved a room for the night, having expected to be too drunk to drive, and, at Alice's suggestion, we decided to try out luck at some games before we went to bed.

Five shots of Southern Comfort and $340 in my pocket later, Alice was getting a kick out of my bad case of the giggles. I was no longer convinced that my winning streak would last, though, so we decided to take our winnings and head up to bead while we could still get there.

I laughed at Alice as she swayed while we waited for the elevator. She'd been drinking Jack Daniels, but had matched me shot for shot, and it showed. We made it up to the room, and after a quick change into our pjs, during which, yeah, I'll admit, I shamelessly checked out Alice's tits, we both collapsed onto one of the two queen-sized beds and promptly passed out.

The next morning we were both a little hungover, but nothing that wasn't manageable. We hit the breakfast buffet at the casino, and then Alice took me on a walking tour of the strip, letting me see each of the major hotels and the crazy people lining the street. It was completely different than anything I'd ever seen in Arizona; I swear my mouth must have been gaping the entire time.

"Alice," I whispered, completely in awe by the replica of the Eiffel Tower, "this is incredible. It's like we're traveling the entire world just walking down one street."

She smiled, that completely dazzling smile of hers that I wanted to stare at even more than the sights around me. "It's very cool. I'm still impressed by it all after having lived near here my whole life." She stopped walking and reached in her pocket, pulling out her cell. She looked at the screen for a moment, and then giggled softly.

"What's so funny?" I asked, tilting my head to the side in curiosity.

"It's Jasper," she explained. "Again." Alice giggled again. "I think he's anxious for us to get back. This is his fifth text today."

"Maybe we should go, then?" I suggested.

"Lunch first. I want to take you for a surf and turf buffet. It's something you have to do when you're here in Vegas. Can you even imagine, Bella? $5 for all the steak and lobster you can eat!"

I couldn't believe it. My mother's father had been a butcher; I knew a lot about meat. $5 for as much steak as you wanted? "Alice, I don't eat dog," I said, feeling a little uneasy.

Her tinkling laugh filled my ears as she doubled over, grabbing her sides. "Oh my god, Bella!" she exclaimed. "Why on earth...?"

She was laughing so hard that she was having trouble getting the words out. I explained my thought process, which just made her laugh harder. A minute later, shaking her head at me as she led me into the Bellagio, Alice was explaining why good things could be so cheap in Vegas.

The steak really was good. Fantastic, even. I may have moaned when I chewed the first bite. I completely ignored the lobster - I'm not a fan of ripping apart the body of the animal as I'm eating it. I'm not a caveman, after all. Over lunch, I brought up a subject that I considered pretty important.

"Alice," I began, waiting her to look up and meet my eyes. "I just want to assure you that I'm not after Jasper. He's my friend, but that's it, ok? I know that you might have heard..."

"Shut up, Bella," she interrupted. "I'm not worried about it, alright? I don't care what the high school gossip is that went around before. Look, I hereby give you my permission to do whatever you want with Jasper, so long as you don't get naked and have sex with him on skype."

"God, who even does that?" I laughed.

We dissolved into giggles. It was only the night before that a drunken Alice had shared with me the story of a really good friend of hers, who had somehow gotten in a rather ridiculous fight with another girl. It was the reason for the fight that I didn't really understand, but it had something to do with the one girl inviting the other to watch as she and her husband had sex on skype. Apparently, it hadn't gone so well.

We kept talking as we finished up our lunch, then wrapped up a porterhouse to take home to Jasper – Alice said that was his favorite – and made our way back down the strip to The Tropicana, where we had left our car.

We talked the entire half hour drive home. I was really getting to know quite a bit about Alice on this little excursion, and I was finding that I liked her a lot. Sure, I'd always found her amusing online, but this was the first time I really felt like I knew her. I was really glad that I'd made the decision to take her to the concert with me, and I was really hoping that it would be the beginning of a really great friendship between the three of us.

Later that evening, after Jasper all but inhaled his steak and we spent a little time watching a movie with Peter and Charlotte, who had to have been the most adorable kids I'd ever seen, Jasper and I found ourselves sitting together in the living room while Alice was putting her kids to bed.

"So," he prodded. "How was your night out with Ali?"

I grinned. "We had a really good time. I like her, Jasper."

He reached over and squeezed my hand. "I'm glad to hear it. I was hoping you two would get along. It was real sweet of you to take her to that concert."

I blushed a little. "I just didn't want things to be weird for us. I mean, you and I are such good friends... I didn't want her to think I was here with bad intentions. I want us all to be friends."

"And we will be," Alice interjected as she walked back in, a smile on her face. "Now, I don't know about you, but after that movie, I'm thinking a drink is in order."

Jasper agreed immediately, and set off into the kitchen behind her, motioning for me to come along. I laughed when we entered the room – it seemed that Jasper couldn't make a decision about what kind of alcohol to buy, so there was a little bit of everything.

Including tequila.

I decided to play it safe, though, and took the bottle of Malibu, pouring myself a shot. Jasper poured two shots of Jack, handing one to Alice.

I held my glass up. "Shall we?" I grinned at my new friends, who nodded back in response.

"1, 2, 3, fuck it!" It was the traditional toast used for shots by our circle of internet friends, and that was the first of many times I used it that night.

Several shots later, I had convinced Jasper to get his guitar our and play for us. He was a little drunk already, and it was showing up in his ability to remember lyrics and chord progressions, but that didn't make his playing any less mesmerizing for me.

I had switched from Malibu to Southern Comfort after his first couple of songs, and was at least on my fourth shot of that when I started begging him to sing. There's no two ways around it, I was drunk. Not shit-faced yet, but definitely drunk. Jasper had had several shots of Jack before mixing a large tumbler of Jack and Coke which he was nursing between songs, so it wasn't all that difficult to convince him to sing.

I blame his song choice for everything that followed.

It was Nirvana again, _Something In The Way_. The song fucking IS sex. And with his voice? I was done for.

"So, we haven't even opened the tequila yet," I said as the fullness of the last chord faded from the room, a teasingly wicked glint in my eye.

Jasper laughed. "I got some," he said with another left-sided grin. "You sure you want it?"

I was.

"1, 2, 3, fuck it!" we chorused as we threw back the second shot of tequila in a row.

My belly felt warm and I was quickly overtaken by giggles as I watched Alice shudder at the harshness of the burn. "I fuckin love tequila," I announced, noticing the slight slur in my words.

That wasn't the only thing I was noticing. Oh no. Alice's lips had taken over my mind. Her lower lip was much fuller than the upper, which was special in that it had no middle indent, but instead curved over her teeth like a rainbow's arch when she smiled. They were a dark pink even though she wore no lipstick – almost like she had eaten a whole bunch of raspberries recently. I wondered if they tasted like raspberries too. I was sitting so close to her that I swear I could perfectly imagine what they'd feel like. They looked soft, almost like chenille. I wondered if that was possible.

Yeah, I was definitely drunk.

Jasper was still playing his guitar. Well, kind of. At this point, he was probably as drunk as I was, and he was fucking up more than he was playing right. I didn't care. I liked listening even when it wasn't perfect. Quite honestly, though, I wasn't paying very much attention to anything other than Alice's lips.

I wondered if they had been serious the night before, when Jasper had mentioned Alice's previous reaction to tequila. Then I wondered what she would do if I kissed her. I supposed that we were drunk enough to excuse the inappropriateness of the kiss, so she probably wouldn't hit me. Hopefully.

Damn it all to hell, I just didn't care. I simply _had_ to taste those lips.

So I did.

I leaned in to her, meeting her eyes as I did. She knew what I was going to do before I actually did it, but she didn't pull away. I took that as a sign of her acceptance, and moved the last few inches toward her until our lips touched.

_Oh god, her lips WERE soft!_ I felt that kiss with my entire body; it started at my lips, but the tingles and warmth that it caused spread through my body like a wildfire.

My tongue slipped past her lips and into her mouth, and I heard us moan together as it met hers. My hand reached out, without any conscious thought on my part, and found the back of her head, my fingers winding in her soft black and blue hair and holding her against me. I was completely lost in the kiss. I forgot where I was, who I was, who _she _was... Nothing mattered at all except for the way her lips felt against mine.

I don't know how long that kiss lasted, but as some point, my body completely ran out of oxygen, so I had to pull away, no matter how much I didn't want to. As my lips left hers, I gasped for air. It had been the best kiss of my life up until that moment, hands down.

In the two seconds that passed after we stopped kissing, I tried to wrap my mind around what had just happened. They may have been the longest two seconds ever. I had just kissed Alice Whitlock. I had just kissed Jasper's _wife_.

Oh god! Jasper!

I opened my eyes to look at him, ready to apologize for my horrible drunken betrayal. But instead of seeing him sitting across from me, angry, I was met with the sight of his face, merely centimeters from mine, his eyes hooded with lust, just before he kissed me.

**A/N: I'd really love to hear what you think so far. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: SM still owns the character. The story is mine. **

**Last chapter I forgot to give credit to the awesomeness that is Trampvamp for the toast "1,2,3, fuck it!" That's her invention, I've drank nearly every shot of my life, including quite a few with TV herself, to that toast. Thanks for letting me use it, babe.**

_I opened my eyes to look at him, ready to apologize for my horrible drunken betrayal. But instead of seeing him sitting across from me, angry, I was met with the sight of his face, merely centimeters from mine, his eyes hooded with lust, just before he kissed me._

**Such Great Heights**

_**Chapter 2**_

I can't really say what I felt more in that moment. Shock? There was certainly plenty of that to go around. And I don't know why I felt it was somehow better in terms of acceptability to kiss Alice than it was Jasper, but add fear to the list of emotions, because I was a little terrified that Alice was going to kill me.

Overpowering both of those, however, within seconds, was lust. Pure, unadulterated desire. Jasper was kissing me. Jasper's tongue was in my mouth. Jasper's hands were on my arms, holding me.

Oh my god, Jasper was _kissing_ me.

I have to admit, I was already very turned on after the kiss with Alice, but what Jasper was doing to me in this moment had me coming completely unhinged. His tongue was deep in my mouth, circling around mine so fast that I was almost dizzy. The dizziness, though, may have also been related to the rapidly swirling thoughts in my head, trying to wrap my mind around what the hell was going on. But trying to figure that out was very quickly taking a backseat to completely losing myself in Jasper's mouth.

His kiss was hard, and I could still taste the tequila in his mouth as my tongue found every surface there was to find. He pulled me to the edge of the couch so that my body pressed against his as he knelt in front of me on the floor. His chest, pressed against mine, was so firm, and as I reached out with my hands, resting them on his shoulder blades, I found his back was just as defined.

I moaned into his mouth. I wanted so much more of him.

I also wanted to continue to live, though, so the need for oxygen finally trumped my need to keep kissing him. I pulled back, breathless and panting as I slowly opened my eyes.

I looked at Jasper first, not at all surprised to see his expression mimicking mine – a little bit of trepidation, a whole lot of want. As he met my eyes, a shiver ran up my spine and shook my whole body. He nodded in agreement, then we both slowly turned to look at Alice.

I was almost as surprised by the look on her face as I had been by Jasper's lips attacking me. There was absolutely no denying that Alice had been as turned on by watching her husband kiss me as I was being the recipient of said kiss. I could see the hard rise and fall of her chest through her shirt, her eyes were hooded, and her lips, those lips that I had been getting to know better only minutes before, were parted and wet, as if she had just licked them.

The mere thought had me licking my own. "So, um..." I started, not really sure what to do.

"Shut up, Bella," Alice whispered as she lunged across the couch at me, pushing me down on my back and positioning herself over me. She looked down to my lips, and back to my eyes again as her elbows found a place beside my shoulders. She was merely inches away from my face now, and I couldn't even form a coherent thought. All I wanted was for those soft lips to be on me again.

She leaned in, and I thought I was finally going to get what I wanted, but she didn't comply. Instead, she ghosted her lips over my cheek, her hot breath, which smelled of whiskey and tequila, warming my skin. Finally, she stopped with her lips hovering over my ear.

"You looked so fucking hot kissing my husband," she whispered, her voice low and breathy. The sound of her voice was so damn sexy that I was positive that she could make me come just by speaking if she wanted to. For now, I moaned. Loudly.

I heard Jasper groan beside me as Alice caught my earlobe between her teeth, nibbling it before her tongue slipped through and started tracing the curve of my ear. I couldn't stop the gasp that slipped out of my lips or keep my back from arching, pressing my hips against Alice's. I reached up with my left hand, grabbing a fist full of her hair and holding it tight. With my right hand, I blindly searched for Jasper, who was easy to find now that he'd moved even closer to us. I let my hand travel up his chest and over his shoulder, searching for his hair.

I found it just as Alice stopped teasing me and whispered again. "Kiss him. Kiss Jasper."

I didn't have to be told twice. With my right hand securely holding his short hair, I pulled him to me, turning my head to the side to meet his oncoming lips. This kiss was just as needy as our first, but this time had the added stimulation of Alice's lips and tongue on my neck. It was so much at one time that I'm still a little surprised that I didn't spontaneously combust right there.

When Jasper's hand landed on my belly, I gasped, whimpering right into his mouth. Alice, who was still on top of me, must have felt his hand come between us, and quickly brought one of hers to join it. The two hands moved together, painstakingly slow, up the center of my abdomen, and my back arched involuntarily as they got closer and closer to my breasts.

My tongue was still moving quickly with Jasper's, and it stayed that way until his and Alice's hands separated so that each one took a breast to themselves. Jasper squeezed, while Alice's thumb flitted right over my nipple, which was still covered by bra and shirt, but somehow no less sensitive. It was too much at once, and I lost myself.

My head fell back against the couch, separating my lips from Jasper's, and I panted heavily as I took in all of the sensations.

"Kiss her," I whispered hoarsely, fighting to keep my eyes open.

Jasper did as I asked, and the next thing I knew, I was watching the two of them kiss right above me as their hands continued to tease my breasts. It was one of the sexiest moments in my life. Hell, it was one of the sexiest moments ever.

Watching them was like watching a well-choreographed ballet. Where Jasper and my kisses were needy explorations, Jasper and Alice kissed each other with knowledge built in their decade together; the need was still there, and the want, but their heads tilted at just the right angles, switching sides at exactly the same time... It was beautiful to watch.

I watched them kiss for a full minute before they separated. As soon as they did, I slid my body out from under Alice and got up on my knees so that we were at the same height. I kissed her hard, tasting Jasper's flavor all over her lips, while my hands explored her generous hips and the gentle inward swell of her lower back. She was soft...so soft and warm...I wanted to touch every inch of her, wrap myself around her body, hold her close to me as I continued to kiss her.

I was certain that I could kiss her for hours and still not want to stop.

As our lips and tongues moved together, her hands were exploring my upper body: my shoulders, my arms, my neck, my upper back. Her hands were so gentle as they caressed my skin; I found myself leaning into her touch.

And then, a coarser, rougher, yet no less desired hand was on me. It was Jasper's, and it was slipping into the waistband of my jeans. My head rolled back and a moan slipped out of my mouth as the fingers, calloused from his guitar strings, slid down over the curve of my ass until he was cupping a whole cheek with his large hand.

I wanted more. I wanted him, I wanted her, I wanted everything. I gave up on trying to think and just let my body do whatever it wanted. And what it wanted was to touch them, kiss them, feel them.

As Alice and Jasper kissed again, I busied my lips on Jasper's neck, giggling softly to myself as I heard his initial gasp, followed by small moans when my hand brushed over the bulge in his pants. My other hand had slipped under the hem of Alice's shirt, and I was finding a great amount of enjoyment in feeling the goose bumps form as I ghosted my fingertips over her creamy skin.

As Jasper squeezed my ass firmly with his hand, he pulled me closer. His body was so hot, and as I licked up his neck, I tasted the sweat that had begun to bead there.

I moaned in delight: he was delicious.

He grabbed my chin and quickly tilted it up, crashing his lips down on mine again. I let go of Alice's body and wrapped my arm around his shoulders, reaching up to play with his hair as we kissed each other hungrily. I was drowning in my desire for him, and let him pull me even closer. I wanted every part of me touching every part of him. From what I could tell my the way he was pulling me against him, he felt the same way. We just couldn't get close enough.

Suddenly, there was warmth on my back. It was Alice. She was directly behind me, leaning into me, and I could feel her breasts flattening against my shoulder blades as her lips met my neck. She teased the length of my neck with her teeth and lips and breath and tongue, while her hands slipped into the tiny space between my body and Jasper's to cup my breasts.

Jasper made up for the space between our upper bodies by pressing his hips against me, letting me feel his hardness against my center, which by now was desperate to be touched, and both of us groaned at the pleasure the friction gave.

"You like it, don't you?" she whispered just behind my ear. "You like my hands on you while Jasper kisses you. You like feeling his cock grinding against you, don't you, Bella?"

_Oh my fucking god. _Words weren't even an option, I couldn't remember any. So I just moaned.

Yeah, she should never stop talking.

She must have read my mind, because she didn't stop. "He's such a good kisser, don't you agree? He's so good with his mouth, Bella." She paused, and then spoke again in an even breathier whisper. "Everywhere."

The combination of all of the physical stimulation and her words had my panties completely soaked. I don't think I'd ever wanted anything as much as I wanted the two of them in that moment.

Pulling my lips away from Jasper's, I turned my head to the side, my mouth still open, silently begging her to kiss me again. She did. Jasper kissed and nipped at my now very exposed neck as I once again got lost in the softness of her mouth. His hand, which had never left my ass, began to slide around my hip, as he worked his way to the front of my pants. I whimpered as his deft fingers began to work open the button.

Alice heard my sounds and released my lips. "Do you want my husband's hands on you, Bella?"

That was when I snapped. I panicked. I did. I did want his hands on me. More than food or water or oxygen, really. But her use of the word _husband_ reminded me of exactly what was going on.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I panted. I had to get out of there. I needed to clear my head. I needed to think. I needed them to think.

This might be a bad idea.

I wanted to kick myself for being a good person, but I didn't. Instead, I slipped out of their grasps and ran out of the living room.

I shut the bathroom door behind me and leaned against it, letting my knees give way as I slid down to the floor, finally resting my head in my hands when I was seated. Between everything that had gone on downstairs and my rapid fleeing from it, I was still panting.

I had just come really close to having a threesome with one of my friends and his wife. Sure, a threesome had been a fantasy of mine since... I don't even know how long. A long time, though, that was certain. I'd never even admitted that out loud before, at least not in a way that anyone would have taken seriously. But I'd thought about it, so many times. I'd imagined it over and over again as I'd touched myself, making myself come to the thought of licking another woman's pussy while I was on my hands and knees, getting fucked from behind. But it was just a fantasy. I'd never really believed it would happen for real!

Yet here I was. Breathless, half-terrified, more turned on than I'd ever been in my life...

And intoxicated... Both from alcohol and desire. Not enough to not know what I was doing, though.

But what about Alice and Jasper? They'd been drinking Jack Daniels while I drank Malibu, so there was a pretty good chance that they had gotten much drunker than I'd been. I might have been the only one sober enough...ok, sober might be the wrong word here. Rephrasing: I might have been the only one who was not too drunk to make a decision.

And _this_ was a HUGE decision. They were married, for fuck's sake! Hell, we were all married! Yes, a line had been crossed already. We had kissed, a lot. Hands had been places that friendly hands aren't supposed to go. But the biggest line of all... Were they willing to cross that one? Was I?

Then I was no longer panting. No, I was hyperventilating. I panicked about at least ten things at once, not the least of which was that I was going to lose Jasper forever. I was sure he'd sober up in the morning, as would Alice, and at least one of them would be mad as hell. At me. At themselves. At each other.

It was too late to go back. We couldn't change what had already happened. The memories could not be erased. They'd never want to see me or talk to me, or hell, even instant message me, ever again.

Why the fuck had I suggested the tequila?

For that matter, why the fuck had I run to the bathroom? If I'd already ruined everything, I rationalized, I may as well have made it worth it. Visions, or maybe fantasies, of what I could have been doing at that moment in the living room played over and over in my mind. I could picture Alice sucking on my nipples while my fingers slipped in and out of her wet pussy and Jasper's cock pounded into me.

I moaned out loud as the shiver ran up my spine. I wanted it. I wanted it badly.

How long had it been since I'd felt as wanted as I did tonight? How long since I'd wanted anyone so badly? I couldn't remember.

I thought for a minute, mentally calculating how long it had been since I'd last slept with Edward. Nine months since I'd seen him last, but I'd been lucky enough to have my period coincide with his visit, so we hadn't had sex. Wow... 17 months. That practically made me a virgin again, I thought with heavy sarcasm and a bit of bitterness.

I shook my head hard, trying to clear the thoughts. I really did not want to think about my husband right now. I really didn't want to think about him _ever_. Edward, or the asshat, as I preferred to refer to him, had decided – without even so much as talking to me – to go to Africa with Doctors Without Borders three years ago. He'd decided to stay there indefinitely fifteen months ago. Again, I had not been consulted. So much time had passed by this time that we both had our own lives – his in Africa, mine in Arizona. We talked every once in a while, but I didn't think either one of us even missed the other anymore. I took my wedding ring off one morning to take a shower, soon after his last visit, and had never bothered to put it back on. Truly, his financial support was the only real evidence of our union. I wasn't really sure why we were still married; I certainly didn't feel like I was his wife.

No matter how I felt, though, we _were_ still married. What I had just done downstairs was inappropriate, really. And what I still wanted to do with Jasper and Alice constituted cheating. But I couldn't bring myself to care. I wanted to be with Alice and Jasper, if they were still willing.

I didn't know what their decision would be, but at that moment, I knew I'd already made mine.

I took another minute to calm myself, splashing water on my face as I desperately tried to get my heart rate back under control. As I looked into the mirror, taking in my glassy eyes, I thought about the many ways in which I was not physically prepared to have sex at this moment. I opened the fly of my jeans to see that I was wearing probably the most unsexy underwear I owned: cotton low-rise briefs in a rather hideous shade of muted purple. I cursed Hanes for making such an unattractive color. Then I silently berated myself for not having shaved my legs...or anywhere else...before making the trip to Vegas, and prayed to god that it wasn't a total jungle down there. I may have added a silent prayer that Alice and Jasper wouldn't run away screaming from my pussy if it turned out that I looked like I distant relative of cousin It. In my defense, though, it's not like I'd expected to be exposing my parts to anyone before I left Arizona!

I sure hoped I would be now, though.

I zipped my jeans back up and straightened my shirt. Between my hair and my face, which was still a little flushed, it was pretty obvious what I'd been up to that night. I hoped against hope that it might get worse.

With one last look in the mirror, complete with silent pep talk, I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. There was no sound coming from downstairs, which I supposed was probably a good thing. It meant they weren't screaming at each other, right? Then again, there was also the possibility that I'd been too preoccupied with my panic attack and not noticed that a murder-suicide had taken place in my absence...

I made my way down the stairs, my recently-calmed heart one again beating a mile a minute, and came around the corner, bringing Alice and Jasper into my line of vision.

I saw it in his eyes first, and then hers.

**A/N: I'm really excited by the response so far, I hope you all are continuing to enjoy my tale. I'd love to hear your thoughts! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: S. Meyer owns the characters. No copyright infringement intended. Lemony content ahead.**

_ I made my way down the stairs, my recently-calmed heart one again beating a mile a minute, and came around the corner, bringing Alice and Jasper into my line of vision._

_ I saw it in his eyes first, and then hers._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 3**

Desire.

My absence from the room had done nothing to calm my own, I knew that, but now I knew that the same was true for Jasper and Alice. Jasper was looking at me as if he wanted to devour me slowly, then lick his lips when he was finished. Alice's eyes were burning, and I could see, even through her jeans, that she was clenching her thighs together.

My stomach flipped about eight times in a row. This was going to happen. For real. Right now.

I can't tell you what I thought of next, because I'm not really sure how to put into words the melting of my brain.

Once I recovered from my momentary paralysis, I started walking toward them once again. I walked very slowly, though, because I was still feeling a bit unsure of myself. Like I said, I'd never done anything like this before, so I had absolutely no idea _how_ to go about it. Yes, I'd kissed Alice first, but I really expected that to be as far as anything went. With each step I took, I did my best to keep a calm look on my face while my brain scrambled to figure out the protocol to having a threesome.

I finally reached the place where Jasper and Alice were sitting on the floor, and kneeled down in front of them, offering what I was sure was a completely awkward smile.

"Everything ok?" Alice breathed. Her voice was still much lower than usual, and her simple question nearly made my eyes roll back in my head as my mind quickly recalled the other, much dirtier, things that I'd heard her say with that tone. "You were up there for quite a while."

I blushed. I hadn't realized I'd been gone as long as I was. "Yeah," I replied. "I just... Needed a minute."

"Do you want us to stop?" Alice asked. Her voice was less breathy, and I could see that she was trying her best to hide her disappointment. I took a quick look over at Jasper, and found much the same reaction, only with a bit of concern showing in his furrowed brow.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head to reiterate my point. "God, no."

I barely got the words out of my mouth before Jasper's lips covered it.

Things began to happen quickly. Jasper fumbled with the button of my jeans while Alice did the same to his from behind. I let my eyelids open for just a second during my kiss with Jasper, long enough to see Alice's lips on his neck. I remembered how much I loved the feel of her lips and groaned softly into Jasper's mouth. He replied by squeezing my ass as he pushed my pants down over it's curve.

Jasper's hands felt so good on my body, but they reminded me that Alice's weren't, and I wanted them to be. As soon as Jasper got my jeans down to my ankles, I rose up to my feet and kicked them off, but instead of settling back down where I'd been, I gave Jasper a look, asking him to move over a bit, and then took his place in front of Alice. I wasted no time at all removing her shirt, then attacked her soft lips with my own as I fumbled with her bra. Jasper, in the meantime, must have removed his own shirt, because I felt the warmth of his skin against mine as he lifted my shirt from behind and pressed against me.

"Lay back," I whispered against Alice's lips as I tossed her bra to the side. She did, and I paused for a minute before following her down to the floor so that I could admire her breasts as they were exposed to me for the first time.

They didn't disappoint. They were just as perfect naked as they'd looked hidden under her shirt, and her nipples, which were a muted rosy brown, were standing tall and firm with desire. I closed my eyes and moaned audibly... I wanted... No, I needed them in my mouth. Immediately.

As much as I wanted them, though, I wanted to tease her a bit, make her feel even a fraction of the desire that I was, so I leaned down over her, bringing my mouth to her belly button, and placed hot, open-mouthed kisses all around it. I let my tongue slide out and slip into the inner rim of her navel, tracing that tiny circle and giggling silently as she squirmed beneath me.

My giggling ended abruptly, however, when Jasper's tongue glided up my spine, standing every hair on my body on end. I buried my face in Alice's soft belly, all the air in my lungs rushing out against her skin.

Alice was not kidding earlier about the wonders of his mouth.

Apparently, the same thoughts were crossing her mind. "I told you, Bella," she said, her voice low and raspy as I resumed the movement of my tongue on her skin, making my way slowly up to her breasts. "His tongue feels so good, doesn't it?" The pitch of her voice went up almost a full octave on the last word, as I finally reached my destination, circling her nipple with my tongue before taking it all the way into my mouth. "Oh god," she moaned. "So does yours."

I may have smirked a little, though she couldn't see it. She had no idea just what my tongue could do yet. But I was going to make sure she did.

I continued teasing her nipple with the combination of my lips, tongue, and teeth while my hands worked her jeans open. Jasper, meanwhile, had moved up and was massaging my breasts while he kissed Alice hard. Just as I switched to the other nipple, I felt a finger slide over my very sensitive pussy, still covered by the hideous purple panties. I didn't know whose finger it was, only that I needed so much more than that soft touch.

"Jasper," Alice moaned, pulling her lips back from his. "Oh Jasper, she's so wet, I can feel it on her panties."

_Oh god, Alice's finger. On my pussy._

I sucked harder on her nipple, letting my tongue swirl the nipple at the same time to increase the intensity of the sensations, and she began to writhe under me.

"She tastes good, doesn't she?" Jasper asked me as he gave my breast a tight squeeze. It was just the right mix of pain and pleasure, and the resounding moan that resonated from deep within my chest was both my answer to his question and my commentary on his actions.

I pulled away from her, letting my lips pop as the nipple slipped out of my mouth. "Have a taste," I suggested. "I was just thinking about trying a little something else," I added, a wicked glint in my eye.

Jasper leaned over me to cover Alice's nipple with his lips as I ducked under him, pulling his jeans and boxer briefs down, finally getting a real look at his cock. And, fuck me, statues should be made of the thing, and people should bow down to worship it. I sure as fuck was going to do that immediately.

I grabbed it in one hand, holding it steady as I flicked my tongue against the slit. There was already a bead of precum there, and he and I both moaned as I lapped it up with a stroke of my tongue.

He tasted so fucking good. I very seriously considered sucking him off all the way.

That thought didn't last for long, though, because I was suddenly overwhelmed by the entrance of two fingers into me. Two fingers that did not belong to the same person.

My mouth opened to gasp, letting Jasper's cock slide all the way in. I was at an awkward angle, since Jasper was leaning over me in order to reach around my backside, but I couldn't honestly say I cared. I just wanted as much of Jasper in my mouth as I could get. I tilted my head to the side a bit, improving my access, and widened my lips, sliding down even further on him until I could feel his tiny curls brush against my lips. I did my best to smile in pride at the loud "fuck" that resulted.

We stayed that way for a few minutes before the crick forming in my neck forced me to pull away from Jasper, no matter how much I didn't really want to. Jasper and I both rightened ourselves so that our bodies pressed up against each others as we kneeled on the floor.

"You're so fucking good at that," he rasped just before my lips met his. I was glad he was pleased with it.

I let my hands move up his back, sliding easily over his heated skin thanks to the sheen of sweat that had formed, until I found his head and gripped his short hair between my fingers. I let my tongue explore his mouth again as I held him tight against me.

"You two look so fucking hot together," came Alice's breathy whisper from our side. "Do you want to fuck her, Jasper? Do you want to know what her sweet little pussy feels like wrapped around your cock?"

I wondered if it was possible to stay alive if your brain completely melted. One more word out of Alice's mouth and I was pretty sure I'd be finding out.

Jasper's groan and the simultaneous grinding of his cock against me pretty much answered his wife's question, but I wanted to hear the words, so I yanked his head back using the hair I still held in my hands.

"Do you, Jasper? Do you want me?" I breathed as I looked deep into his eyes.

"Oh fuck yes," he replied.

I shivered. It was happening. Right now.

"You, down," I commanded Alice, pushing against her chest so that she'd lay on her back as Jasper moved around to the back of me, pulling his pants all the way off as he did.

As soon as Alice was laying flat on the floor, I leaned over her, taking her panties – mini rainbow stripes, this time – between my hands and pulling them down her legs and over her feet. I finally got a look at her pussy, biting my lip as I looked at it, knowing that I was only seconds from tasting it.

"You're gorgeous," I whispered just before I grunted as Jasper roughly grabbed my hips and pulled me back. I found myself on my hands and knees in front of Jasper, leaning at an angle over his wife. Slightly modified, yes, but still... It was my fantasy coming true.

His rough, calloused fingers brushed over my slit, teasing me as I did the same to Alice. I looked at her over my shoulder, watching her mouth fall open and her chest heave with heavy breaths as my fingertip slowly followed the very wet valley between her folds.

"Oh god, Bella," she panted, the words said in unison with Jasper as he rubbed the head of his cock against my slit.

"Please," I begged, not caring about propriety or modesty or god damn it, anything at all other than the way they were making me feel.

He didn't make me wait any longer. It hurt a tiny bit at first, as his cock slid into me. Wet as I was, it had still been a year and a half since anything other than my own finger had been in there. And Jasper was quite a bit larger than my finger.

He felt my tension, and paused for a moment, letting me get used to the feeling, then began to move. It took several thrusts of his hips before I could manage a conscious thought, and then another few before my thoughts consisted of anything other than _"holy fuck Jasper's cock feels good._"

Once I could think, though, I immediately thought of Alice's pussy, which was still waiting for me. I let my head fall closer to her, lowering my upper body so that my elbows were on the floor instead of my hand. Using the fingers that were still touching her, I spread her lips apart and placed my tongue against the skin at the bottom of her slit, then slowly licked my way up to her clit.

I could feel my walls clench around Jasper as I got my first taste of her. It was like fresh honey – still the tiniest bit bitter, but sweet enough to be more than pleasant. Jasper groaned right along with me as my name came from Alice in the sexiest way I'd ever heard it pronounced.

I circled her clit with my tongue as Jasper began to pound into me harder, thinking to myself that I would be getting myself off for months, maybe years, to the thought of my mouth on the two of them. Watching her reactions, I alternated flicking my tongue against her clit with sliding my tongue into her opening, nuzzling my face against her so that my nose rubbed her clit. Every time her back arched or her hands fisted the carpet, I felt a surge of pride at having done that to her.

Jasper seemed to be watching her reactions too, and rewarded me for her every writhe with a grinding of his hips against my ass. I swear, I could feel every centimeter of his cock inside of me, and every moment of it brought me closer and closer to falling apart. Sex had never felt this good before. Not ever. I had no idea what was making it so amazing, whether it was the alcohol, the fact that there were three of us, or if Jasper just had the most wonderful dick in the world. I didn't care. I just wanted to keep feeling it.

Alice's cries suddenly got more frantic. I fucked her even faster with my tongue, nuzzling her pussy even harder. I could feel her wetness all over my face, but I didn't care. I just wanted to make her come. And I did.

"Oh holy shit...fuck! Bella! God!" Alice cried out over and over as her legs tightened and her hips lifted, pushing her even harder against my face. She was struggling to be quiet, but not really succeeding. I loved it.

Slowing my tongue down to keep her stimulated through her climax without overdoing it, I smiled against her pussy as I watched her pant and pull her own hair. "Oh my god," she whispered, closing her eyes as she finally fell limp onto the carpet.

Jasper pulled out of me then, and, with the strong hands that still held my hips, turned me around to face him. I reached up to wipe my face clean that I could kiss him, but he smirked. "You know it's only right to share."

He leaned in, kissing me hard, and groaned as he tasted Alice on my lips and tongue. He slid his cock into me again as I slipped my legs over his while we kissed, and began to fuck me slowly as I sat on his lap.

I didn't stop kissing him until Alice's hand on my chest surprised me, causing me to pull back in shock. "Look at the flush on your chest," she whispered, letting her tongue and hot breath tease my ear as she spoke. "That's so hot. You're close, aren't you Bella?"  
I was. So close. I'd never come during sex in my life, but I was going to this time, I knew it. I didn't even know that it was possible, but my muscles were clenched so tight in this moment that it was probably only seconds away.

I couldn't even answer, so I panted and nodded instead, holding tightly on Jasper's neck as I leaned back a little, letting his cock rub against me deliciously as I did so.

"God..." I panted. "Mmm... I... oh..." I couldn't even put together two syllables.

"Look at him, Bella," Alice said, her throaty command pushing me even closer to coming. "Watch him. He's shaking. He's going to come, baby."

She was right; I saw it immediately when I looked at him. His shoulders and chest were vibrating and his face was contorted into a grimace as he tried to hold on longer. I just needed a little more, and he seemed to know that.

So did Alice. Her fingers found their way between her husband and me and began rubbing my clit rapidly. That was all it took. Tears fell from my eyes as I cried out something unintelligible, coming harder than I'd ever come in my life. I yelled too loudly, but Alice saved the day by covering my mouth with hers and kissing me hard, swallowing my cries.

Jasper came only seconds after I did, and I could feel him twitching inside of me. Between the feeling of his orgasm and the sound of his low, gravely groan, I came a second time. When the feeling passed, I collapsed against his chest, resting my face in the crook of his neck as I tried to catch my breath.

"My god, that was hot," Alice giggled as she rested her cheek on my back. Jasper grunted in agreement as he held both of us in his arms. I had to agree.

A few minutes later, Alice stood up. She smiled down at her husband, who still held me naked on his lap, and at me, then bent down to give both of us a soft kiss on the head. "I've got to work in the morning," she said. "And I'm exhausted. You two have a good rest of your night. I'll see you in the morning?"

"Do you want me to come to bed with you?" he asked.

Alice shook her head. "No, it's fine. Hang out with your friend." She smiled, and I tried not to obsess over the meaning of her words. It seemed rather odd to call me his friend after all that had just happened between the three of us.

"Night, Ali," he replied, letting his head fall back to rest on the edge of the couch.

Suddenly feeling weird about my position and nakedness on her husband's lap, I said my goodnight as I stood and began to dress.

As Alice made her way down the hall to her bedroom, I slipped my jeans up over my hips, but left them unbuttoned. I pulled my shirt over my head, not bothering with my bra, and then walked over to the stairs, pausing to look back over my shoulder at Jasper, who still sat naked on the floor by the couch.

"I'm just gonna go, uh... clean up," I said, a bit awkwardly. Somehow, Alice's departure had left me feeling completely out of sorts, which kind of sucked, seeing as how I'd just had the most amazing sexual experience of my life only minutes before.

Jasper nodded, and a few seconds later, I found myself leaning against Jasper and Alice's bathroom door, wondering what in the fuck had just happened.

**A/N: So...um... What did you think? I'd love to hear!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: S. Meyer still owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended here. My only profit is enjoyment. **

**A special thank you to Karmabalance, who has been awesome enough to stroke my ego by pre-reading this story for me. **

_"I'm just gonna go, uh... clean up," I said, a bit awkwardly. Somehow, Alice's departure had left me feeling completely out of sorts, which kind of sucked, seeing as how I'd just had the most amazing sexual experience of my life only minutes before._

_ Jasper nodded, and a few seconds later, I found myself leaning against Jasper and Alice's bathroom door, wondering what in the fuck had just happened._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 4**

I didn't understand. How could she go from whispering dirty things in my ear and yelling out my name as I made her come with my tongue to acting like I was some random friend of Jasper's that had stopped by for a visit? It didn't make any sense. Her goodbye was so indifferent, so clinical. Was she upset about what happened? Angry? Even worse, was this something that the two of them did often, and so she said goodbye to me like I was nobody who mattered because I really didn't?

I sat against the bathroom door freaking out for probably a good ten minutes before Jasper's soft knock brought me out of my thoughts.

"Bella? Are you ok in there?" he asked tentatively.

It was a choice between honesty or faking some horrible stomach ailment or a sudden period. Honesty was the least mortifying.

"Yeah," I sighed softly as I stood up and opened the door, offering him a shy smile. "Sorry I took so long, I was just, uh... panicking?"

Jasper took my hand and turned toward the stairs. "Come on, let's go downstairs and talk." He nodded toward Peter and Charlotte's bedroom doors. "Don't want to wake the kids."

The two of us went downstairs, and I told Jasper how Alice's goodbye had me all out of sorts. He tried his best to calm my worries, explaining that Alice was not very affectionate in general, but especially not after sex. "She tends to separate herself from it," he said. "It's difficult to be on the receiving end of, I know. I've just gotten so used to it that I don't notice much anymore."

I felt sad for him then, though I felt a little bit better about what had happened. "What about you?" I asked nervously.

Jasper's brow furrowed in confusion. "What about me, what?"

"Are you affectionate, you know...after?"

It seemed ridiculous to be this awkward with him when we'd just had crazy hot sex, but, then again, that was most of the reason that I felt so uncomfortable. Our relationship had a different dynamic now, but I wasn't really sure where we stood.

He smiled, and blushed a little bit. It was kind of adorable, but the man sitting beside me was entirely too sexy to be referred to as adorable. "I would be, yeah, if, you know, the woman I was with enjoyed that."

I wasn't sure if it was an invitation, but I took it as one anyway and scooted across the couch cushion until we were touching, and then leaned into him, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder. He responded immediately, wrapping his arm around me and resting his hand on the side of my head, absently running his fingers through my hair.

"This is nice," I whispered. And it was. It felt so good to be held so tenderly. I still didn't know what to make of it, but decided that, at least for now, I was going to stop thinking and just let myself relax in Jasper's arms.

"Agreed," he said softly, turning his face to place a kiss in my hair before letting his cheek rest on my head.

We sat like that, without really saying much of anything, for quite a while. At some point, I reached over and took his large hand in mine, rubbing circles on his palm with my thumb. It felt good, being close; it had been such a long time since I'd been cuddled like that. I'd been alone for so long, I always had music or the tv playing because I couldn't stand the silence. Silence forced me to think, and really, there wasn't much in my life that I wanted to just sit and think about. Sitting there with Jasper, though, the quiet actually felt peaceful.

The silence was finally broken by Jasper. "I should probably get to bed. You too... You have such a long drive tomorrow."

"You're right," I agreed, knowing that he was but wishing that he wasn't.

I started to sit up a little bit, making Jasper's arm fall down my back from my shoulders. Neither of us made the move to let go of each other's hands, though. For the first time in probably an hour, I looked up and met Jasper's eyes.

I don't know how to explain the look that passed between us, only that it was intense. I could see in his eyes that he was fighting with himself, but I wasn't sure why.

I started to say his name, but didn't get past the first syllable before his lips covering mine prevented me from speaking any more. His kiss was different from every one we'd shared that night. Whereas all the others had been hard and urgent, this was slow and gentle. Our tongues made a few passes into each other's mouths, but most of the kiss was made up of gentle open-mouthed kisses and light sucks on each other's lips. His hand came up to cup my cheek, and I could feel the callouses on his fingertips as he stroked my face tenderly. I squeezed the hand of his that I was still holding, letting my other hand rest on his chest as I kissed him back, completely losing myself in him.

When Jasper finally ended the kiss, he paused, resting his forehead against mine, his eyes closed. "Good night, Bella," he whispered.

With those three simple words, the magic of the night ended. I returned the sentiment, and Jasper finally got up off the couch, separating us completely. After one final look over his shoulder, Jasper left the room, returning a few minutes later with some blankets and a pillow.

"I'm sorry it's not really a bed, but it's pretty comfortable to sleep on," he said as he laid the contents of his arms beside me on the couch.

"It'll be fine, I'm sure," I said, not liking the awkwardness that suddenly seemed present between us. I couldn't understand what had happened that changed the feeling of the room so completely, but it was distressing.

"Alright, then," Jasper replied, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Good night."

I breathed a heavy sigh as I unfolded the blankets and laid down after Jasper left the room. Suddenly, all the fears I'd had during my first trip to the bathroom seemed reasonable again, and I wasn't sure that the Jasper who wasn't kissing me anymore could ever be my friend again.

I didn't even wipe away the tears as they fell down my cheeks, wetting the pillow under me. I wished I had someone to talk to, but it was three in the morning, and thus a pretty unreasonable time to be making phone calls.

And really, even if I could make a call right now, my head was still spinning so fast that I would find it hard to give anyone an explanation for tonight. What could I really tell anyone anyway? I'd just cheated on my husband with my married friend and his wife. That was kind of a lot of shocking revelations for one sentence.

With no other real options, I pulled the blanket around my shoulders and tried to go to sleep.

Sleep was an elusive bitch that night. I fell asleep, but never stayed that way longer than twenty minutes. For some reason, I repeatedly dreamt that I was instant messaging with my best friend, Victoria. I would wake suddenly, panicking that I'd fallen asleep in the middle of my conversation with her and searching for my iphone. Every time I found it, though, I was surprised to see that I'd never actually been talking to Vic in the first place, and then I'd set the phone down and try to sleep again.

Apparently, my need to talk about what had gone on with Alice and Jasper was a little stronger than I'd realized.

At five thirty, I woke with a start once again. This time, though, I wasn't worried about a non-existent, abandoned electronic conversation with my best friend. Instead, I woke up in a panic that was directly related to the dream I'd just had. The dream in which Alice had woken up in the morning and come into the living room to kick my ass.

I had to go. I couldn't see any other option. Five thirty in the morning was surely an acceptable time to begin the five hour drive back to Paradise Valley. I rose up from the couch to start gathering my things before I realized the one major complication to my plan: I was still a little drunk. Too drunk to make a five hour drive, that was for sure. Drunk driving was something that I didn't mess around with. I berated myself for getting so drunk. I cursed myself, not for the first time, for suggesting the tequila. And then I hoped that the intoxication would at least make the beat down I was sure to get hurt a little less.

I laid back down on the couch and spent the next thirty minutes trying to figure out some sort of plan. I considered brewing some coffee and drinking enough to kill the buzz, but then remembered that I hated coffee, as did Jasper and Alice, so it was unlikely I'd find any in the house anyway. I thought about a cold shower, sure that would do the trick, but was afraid that running water would wake up the rest of the house. Finally, I went into the kitchen and found a bottle of Powerade and chugged the entire thing, hoping that the influx of non-alcoholic liquids into my system might sober me up more quickly so that I could get the hell out of dodge.

It didn't.

_Stupid fucking tequila. _

It was decided: I was never going to drink tequila again.

It was six fifteen in the morning. Alice would be waking up in forty-five minutes. That gave me less than an hour to prepare for a punch in the face. That's what I'd do, if I were her, really. I mean, if I was pissed off at a bitch for getting my husband and me drunk enough to have a crazy hot threesome, I'd probably punch her in the face.

I really didn't want to get punched in the face.

It would hurt, a lot, I'm guessing. Not to mention there was the whole issue of explaining to my boss on Monday why I had a broken nose or a black eye. I almost giggled at the imagined scenario as it played out in my head.

_ "Well, you see, Eric, what had happened was..."_

Yeah... I was really not going to tell Eric Yorkie that I had a threesome in Vegas. I shuddered a little at the thought of my rather geeky boss getting a boner as I offered the explanation.

Maybe I could convince her to punch me in the stomach instead?

I buried my face in the pillow and prayed for sleep again.

By six forty-eight, I was sitting straight up on the couch reading the new emails in my inbox. I'd given up on sleep. I'd realized a few minutes earlier that you could freak yourself out to the point of completely killing a buzz. There was still time to run, but only if I packed super fast and could somehow sneak into Jasper and Alice's bedroom to grab my makeup bag...

I decided to stay and take it like a woman.

Jasper came upstairs first. He was all kinds of awkward, struggling to meet my eyes and smiling like he was in some sort of pain when he did. I started regretting my decision to not run away.

Finally, half in panic and half in a desperate effort to relieve the tension that was palpable between us, I blurted out, "Is Alice gonna punch me in the face?"

Jasper looked at me as if I had grown horns, and then started laughing softly. "No, Bella. No one is going to punch you in the face."

"Are you sure?" I demanded, not really convinced.

"Yes. I talked to her before I came out of the bedroom. There will be no fisticuffs."

I was relieved, to say the least, that I would not be getting beat up. However, I was still not pleased with the weirdness between Jasper and me. I mean, I guess I kind of understood _why_ he felt awkward. What happened the night before left a lot of questions about our relationship. Like, were we still just friends? Were we friends with benefits? Would there be sexy times in our future, or were going to pretend that last night had never happened?

I had the answers to none of my questions, and that realization led to the understanding of why Jasper was acting like such a freak. He had none of the answers either.

Like me, Jasper seemed to be searching for a way to distract himself, so he picked up his guitar and began to strum it softly with his thumb. I didn't recognize the melody, but I liked it, so I sat down beside him and listened attentively.

We weren't touching, but we were only inches away from being able to do so, and I could feel the hairs on my arms standing on end as the desire to reach out and touch him took over. I wondered if he was feeling it too. Neither of us made the move.

A few minutes after he started playing, Peter ambled into the room sleepily, carrying a book in his hand. "I can read this whole book, Miss Bella," he said proudly.

"Can you?" I asked with a smile. "Do you want to show me?"

He nodded excitedly, and I patted the couch beside me, inviting him to come sit and read to me. I spent the next fifteen minutes listening to the sweet six year old boy's voice read _Ten Apples Up On Top_ by Dr Seuss. It was adorable. Charlotte came into the room at some point during the story, asking Jasper about breakfast, and the two of them had made their way into the kitchen. They walked back into the living room carrying plates just as Peter finished reading _Bears on Wheels_ to me.

"My Daddy made us pancakes," Charlotte said softly as she handed me a plate. "He's really good at pancakes."

I looked up at Jasper, who was smiling shyly. I couldn't help but think how good he was at everything else...

I thanked both Charlotte and Jasper and used my fork to cut the first bite. I smiled as soon as I began to chew. They really were very good pancakes.

It crossed my mind as I was eating that Edward, who was the only man I'd ever been with, had never cooked me breakfast in all our years together. From what Charlotte had said, I assumed that this was something that Jasper probably did often, but it didn't take away how special it felt to me.

I caught Jasper's eye. "Thank you," I said genuinely. "They're delicious."

Jasper smiled, finally seeming a little at ease, and said it was no trouble at all.

Alice came in a few minutes after Charlotte had carried all of the dirty dishes back into the kitchen. She did not punch me in the face. Or anywhere else.

She didn't sit with us long, since she had to get ready for work, but she seemed to be ok with everything. It was a pretty huge relief.

I needed to get on the road too, and really wanted to time my leaving with Alice's. I was afraid it would look suspicious somehow if I stayed here with Jasper after she left.

"Do you mind if I take a shower?" I asked Jasper after Alice went back to her room to get dressed.

"Of course not," he replied. "Let me just get you a towel and you can use the one in Alice and my room."

He led me down the hall toward the bedroom where I'd gotten dressed with Alice for the concert, stopping to open the door to the linen closet in the hall. He pulled out a blue towel which, unsurprisingly, had stripes on it in a lighter shade of blue, and handed it to me. Then he pointed me toward the bedroom door.  
"It's in there, you probably remember, right?"

"Yeah," I said with a smile. "Thanks, Jasper."

He nodded and smiled a little awkwardly, like he wasn't really sure what to do. Once again, the giant elephant loomed over our shoulders, asking us to define the proper behavior in our relationship. Once again, we pointedly ignored him.

I gave Jasper a little wave, feeling quite like an idiot, and walked into the bedroom he shared with his wife. I offered her a simple explanation for my presence and then continued into the bathroom, where I quickly undressed and adjusted the water temperature.

I had just gotten my hair wet enough to wash when there was a soft knock on the door. The shower curtain prevented anyone from seeing my naked body, so I called for whoever it was to enter.

I was a little nervous as I heard the door open, then close again.

"I think we should talk," Alice said.

I was wet and naked and trapped in the bathroom with a woman who may or may not be really pissed at me. I swallowed hard, summoning up all my courage.

"What's up, Alice?"

**A/N: I have been a bit of an epic fail with review replies. I am SO sorry about this. I went out of town for NYE with my favorite girls and got distracted, lol. I promise that even if I haven't replied, I did read and enjoy each review. I have my act together now, I promise. And to make up for my fail, I'll add a little teaser in my replies. Fair enough?**

**I hoped you enjoyed Bella's internal monologue this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it. Poor girl is all kinds of freaked out, but wouldn't you be? **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Thanks so much to Karmabalance for pre-reading for me. I'm eternally grateful, sweets. **

_I was wet and naked and trapped in the bathroom with a woman who may or may not be really pissed at me. I swallowed hard, summoning up all my courage._

_ "What's up, Alice?"_

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 5**

"Are you ok? You know, about last night?" Alice asked.

"Are you?" I replied. Usually I hated answering questions with questions, but quite honestly, my feelings on what happened were completely tied in with theirs. I didn't regret anything, and wouldn't, unless it hurt our friendship.

"I'm fine, Bella. I don't believe in regrets. Last night was...unexpected. But I'm fine with what happened. Jasper, however, is freaking out."

"I noticed," I said. "Do you know why?"

I stifled what I imagined would be rather manic-sounding laughter. I couldn't believe I was washing my hair while having a casual conversation about the threesome I'd had the night before. My life suddenly seemed very surreal.

"Jasper is afraid that you're freaking out, and that you're never going to speak to him again."

I popped my head out of the shower curtain to look at her, frowning. "Ok, this is ridiculous. I've been freaking out about exactly the same thing all night. I agree with you, Ali. Last night was unexpected, but it was amazing. And as long as we didn't ruin our friendship, I am very much ok with what happened."

"Then you need to tell Jasper that," she answered. "He won't believe it coming from me."

I nodded and pulled the shower curtain all the way closed again. "So we're cool?" I asked as I rubbed the body wash over my arms.

I could hear the smile in Alice's voice. "We're cool, Bella. Enjoy the rest of your shower." The door closed behind her and I sped up my washing as the water started to get colder.

After getting dressed and drying my hair, I returned to the living room and began getting all of my things together. It was almost time for me to get on the road home. After checking to see that Peter and Charlotte were in their bedrooms playing with toys, I walked into the kitchen, where Jasper was cleaning up from breakfast.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked from the doorway.

Jasper turned around, panic evident in his eyes.

"Yeah, that's exactly why we need to talk. Jas, I can't stand the look on your face. You are one of my best friends... I know what happened last night makes everything a little confusing, but, Jas..."

I paused, sighing, and took a few steps toward him, resting my hand on his forearm. I wasn't sure if that was acceptable or not. Hell, I had no idea what was considered acceptable touching anymore. But I needed to show him that I could be normal with him, and had I not had crazy hot sex with him the night before, this would have been a totally normal way for me to touch him. His brow furrowed a little as my fingertips grazed his skin, and I knew that he was fighting the same mental war that I was.

"Jas, please don't stop being my friend," I pleaded.

He smiled and then took the last step toward me, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me. "You still want to be my friend?" he whispered into my hair.

"I'll always want to be your friend, Jasper."

"Glad everything's worked out. Kids are coming, so you two may want to, you know, let go." Alice's voice made me jump about a foot off the ground as she entered the room, and it seemed to have the same effect on Jasper, completely ending the moment we'd just shared.

I looked at the clock. It was about ten minutes before the time that Alice had said she was going to leave for work. I began to get uncomfortable again. We'd finally established the fact that no one was angry or upset about what we'd done, but there still remained the question of what it meant for our relationship from now on, a question that loomed like a giant pink elephant in the room.

At the moment, the elephant was staring at me with an eyebrow raised, asking me how exactly I planned on saying good bye in ten minutes. A hug? A kiss? A handshake? An awkward wave?

I didn't have a clue.

The awkward tension in the kitchen was getting even thicker, and I was desperate for an escape. "I think I forgot my phone charger," I blurted out, knowing full well it was already in my overnight bag. It was the best I could do, though, and it did the job of getting me out of the room.

A few minutes later, the three of us were gathered in the living room. Alice had her keys in hand, ready to leave for work, and I was weighed down with my overnight bag, computer stuff, and purse. We all stood there, just kind of looking at each other. I could only assume that they were as confused about the good bye protocol as I was.

It was Alice who finally ended the moment of awkwardness. "Well, it was really fun, Bella, but I have to go or I'll be late. Have a safe drive home."

It felt like a dismissal. I smiled anyway. What else could I do?

She turned to Jasper and gave him a short kiss. "Bye baby. I'll see you tonight." Alice grinned at him, and then walked past me toward the door. She touched my arm on the way and smiled. "Talk to you soon?"

I returned her smile and agreed that we would, then watched as she walked out the door. Still standing in the entranceway with all my bags, there was nothing left for me to do but say goodbye to Jasper. Looking up at him, I smiled a little, hoping it didn't look as uncomfortable as I felt.

"It was," Jasper started, then paused to laugh. "It was really fun meeting you finally, Bella," he finished, shaking his head as he smiled.

I laughed. "That is was, Jas."

He paused for a minute to look over his shoulders, checking for his kids, I suspected, then leaned in, giving me a hug around my free shoulder. I leaned in to him, since my hands were too full to really return his hug. I felt his lips grazing the side of my face, but he didn't make the move to kiss me. If I was honest, I was disappointed, though not especially surprised.

"I guess I'll get on the road, then," I said as he pulled away.

"Yeah... Text me when you get there, alright? Just so we know you're safe."

"Will do, Jasper," I said, letting the screen door close behind me. I didn't look back as I walked to the car, deciding it was just easier that way. Somehow, it was much harder to say this goodbye than it should have been.

The first two hours of my drive home were a non-stop mental re-enactment of the night before. It was everything I could do to keep my eyes opened and focused on the road as I recalled the way that Alice's fingers felt rubbing rapid circles on my clit or sound of the rough groans and grunts Jasper made when I took the full length of his cock into my mouth. I shivered as I remembered the delicious stinging feeling his large hand left on my skin when Jasper squeezed my ass hard to pull me closer to him, then I moaned out loud as I remembered how lush and silky Alice's lips felt as they moved against mine while my hands traced the curves of her body. I remembered the bittersweet taste of her pussy and felt my own grow wet, forcing me to clench my thighs together as I fought the growing arousal that the memories of Jasper's cock sliding into me for the first time.

I was quickly growing uncomfortable, and began to very seriously contemplate pulling into the emergency strip on the side of the highway and getting myself off. I was already nearly panting with desire, and I was going to hyperventilate if I didn't do something soon, that was for sure.

Looking in my mirrors and further up the road ahead, I saw no sign of police. Perfect. My tummy began to tingle with anticipation as more and more images filled my head. I was shocked at how needy I felt, seeing as how I'd just had sex, and gotten off twice, less than twelve hours earlier. Considering my recent dry spell of nearly a year and a half, you'd think sex like last night would keep me satisfied longer...

It wasn't a matter of not being satisfied, though. I knew that. I had been extremely satisfied the night before. The problem was really a craving for more of the same. And while I couldn't have Alice and Jasper again here, in the middle of nowhere, fifty miles past the Arizona state line, I could have the next best thing: a mind-blowing orgasm while I thought about all the things I had done, and could do, to the two of them.

I had barely slipped my finger under the elastic band of my panties when I heard the sound of a text alert come from my phone.

I groaned, thinking that whoever the fuck was interrupting my moment better have something really important to say. Pulling my hand back out of my panties, I reached across the center console and picked up my phone, clicking the circle that would bring up the new text. It was from Jasper.

_You'll never believe this... It's National Love Your Editor Day. _

My desire was immediately overshadowed by the hilarity of the text, and I began to laugh out loud. When I calmed down enough to type, I replied.

_I think we -may- have celebrated early..._

_Yeah, I'm pretty sure we did, lol. I swear, Bella... We didn't plan that. We've never done that before. Ever._

He was still worried, that was clear even in his texts.

_It's ok, J. It was my first time too. But... God, that was all kinds of fuckhot. _

_ It really was. I can't stop thinking about it._

Even though we were just texting and he had no idea what I had just been about to do, I blushed furiously, feeling the heat rush to my face.

_Yeah... Having a hard time concentrating on the road._

_I better let you go, then. Text me when you're home._

I pulled back onto the highway after texting him good bye, deciding that I wasn't really desperate enough to do anything on the side of the road. The entire rest of my drive home, however, was passed with a tingly belly that was full of sexual tension and a head that couldn't stop picturing all the ways in which Alice, Jasper and I could have arranged ourselves.

When I finally arrived at my house in Paradise Valley, I carried my things inside, setting them on the living room floor, and walked straight to my room, flopping down on the bed with my laptop and cell phone in hand. I opened the laptop to let it start up, then texted Jasper.

_I made it home safely._

While I waited for his response, I clicked the itunes icon on my screen, and then chose the folder with the mp3s that Jasper had sent to me. I leaned back against the pillows as the sound of his cover of Nirvana began to play.

The guitar part was hot enough, really, but the second his low, gravely voice came through my speakers, I felt my panties dampen and a shiver run all the way up my spine. It was not just the effects of his singing voice, but also the memories of the way he sounded while we were having sex. When he came.

My eyes rolled back in my head and I let them close, my breaths already coming harder. I reached down and unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, sliding them and my panties down over my hips. I hadn't even touched myself yet, but I was so mentally stimulated that I would probably come within seconds.

But not before I was once again interrupted by a text from Jasper.

_Glad to hear that. I was just thinking about last night..._

Me too.

_ It's like a movie on repeat in my head. I'm picturing it right now._

Just as I'd told him in my text, I continued to picture it as I slipped my fingertip between my folds, arching my back as I slowly teased the sensitive skin with soft touches. I pretended that they were Jasper and Alice's fingers instead of my own, and moaned long and low.

_I don't know what the rules are, or what's ok. I just know I want to be touching you right now._

I shuddered hard, letting my finger slip into my entrance. "Fuck," I groaned, now imagining that it was Jasper's finger in me.

My next text may have crossed a line, but I was too far gone to care.

_In my head, you are..._

I set the phone down beside me and reached under my shirt with the other hand and began toying with my nipples, closing my eyes and imagining that it was Alice doing it instead of me. I twisted my left hand just a bit, so that my palm rubbed against my clit as I fucked myself harder. I slipped two fingers into my mouth, sucking lightly, then returned them to my breast. I groaned at the warm wetness and I pinched and rolled the nipple between my fingers. My text alert sounded just as I whispered Alice's name, but I didn't stop.

It was surely only a minute later that my back arched high off the bed as I came hard on my own fingers, imagining Jasper's cock in their place. I groaned incoherently, imagining how the vibrations of my voice against Alice's pussy, which I had mentally buried my face in, would make her come all over my tongue, calling out my name again in that quivery voice I had heard last night.

My whole body shook as I came a second time, something I'd never before accomplished on my own. It took me several minutes to calm my heart and my lungs, both of which were working furiously. But I knew, without a doubt, that it would take much longer to calm my mind...

When I finally recovered, I picked up my phone to check the text that had come in.

_In my head too...You and Ali both. God, I gotta go. TTYL_

For about the hundredth time in two short days, I reminded myself that I was completely and utterly fucked.

**A/N: I really hope you're enjoying this so far. I'd love to hear what you think. You know...**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: S. Meyer owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Huge thanks to my fantastic pre-reader, Karmabalance, for all her help with this fic.**

_ For about the hundredth time in two short days, I reminded myself that I was completely and utterly fucked. _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 6**

I woke up the next morning naked in my bed with my laptop and cell phone still beside me after having passed out from sheer exhaustion the night before. Luckily, I didn't return to work until the next day, so I had a little over twenty hours to prepare myself to be in front of other people, according to the clock.

I had no clue how I was going to do that, though. Even after a very satisfying bit of me time before sleeping, the first thought that passed through my head when I awoke was of riding Alice's face reverse cowgirl so that I could watch as Jasper fucked her at the same time. I simply could _not_ stop thinking about them. Or the sex.

I could probably ignore my gas bill for awhile... It was clearly going to be all cold showers for me.

I picked up my iphone so I could turn off the alarm that I hadn't needed this morning. I was quite surprised to see that it was not even eight a.m. and I'd already missed a text.

_Alice and I talked last night...about what happened. We wanted you to know that we're ok. Nobody is upset. Also, you are welcome at our house anytime you're in the area. You'd be very welcome in our bed as well, if you wanted to be..._

I stared at the screen for at least a full minute in utter shock before I set the phone back down on my bed.

Was he serious?

I was welcome in their bed anytime?

So... This is what it felt like when your brain melted. Good to know.

Deciding that I couldn't think clearly enough to respond just yet, I went in to take a shower, hoping that it would somehow remove the sex fog that had been clouding my thought processes for the past thirty-six or so hours. It was not nearly as successful a mission as I had hoped.

I returned to my bedroom wrapped in a towel when I heard the sound of my cell getting texted again. I reached over and picked it up to find another text from Jasper.

_I'm sorry, Bella... Was that too much? _

I felt bad for freaking him out. Looking back, I realized that it had been over two hours since his first text.

_No, J, don't worry. I slept in late. It wasn't too much... Not at all. I was just surprised. You're serious?_

I set the phone down and took a seat on the stool in front of my dresser so I could brush my hair, which was still dripping from my shower, while I awaited his reply.

_Yes. But only if you want to. You're always welcome either way._

I didn't need to think about it anymore, so I answered immediately.

_I want to. Very much._

_ God, I was hoping you would. I can't stop thinking about you. Ali either. She brought you up while we were having sex last night._

_ While?_

_ Yeah...started talking about how good your mouth felt on her...How much she wanted you again. Then we talked about it seriously after..._

I couldn't deny my shock when I read his text, or how hot it made me. After the way she'd said goodbye, I'd expected us to go back to how things were before my trip to Vegas – Jasper and I working together on his book, Alice and I chatting every once in a while – at best. But knowing that she was thinking about me...wanting me...as much as I was her? I felt myself getting wet just thinking about it.

I was never going to be able to leave my house again at this rate. At least not without an overnight bag full of panties...

_I was thinking of you both last night too..._

_What about us?_

I blushed a little as I remembered exactly what I'd been thinking about, but decided that he had been honest about things, so I could be too.

_About Ali on her knees over my face while you held my legs up high and fucked me..._

Just revisiting the image in my head was building up that tense feeling in my belly again. As I waited for Jasper's response, I wondered how many times I would have to make myself come before I stopped being constantly aroused by passing thoughts of these two.

_Oh my god, Bella. Fuck... I'm so fucking hard now, and I'm at work._

_ I'm sorry. If I was there, I'd help you out with that problem... _

_ I bet you would... I'll be thinking about that all day. I have to go back to work now. TTYL._

I giggled a little as I set down the phone, trying not to feel too guilty about having gotten him in such an uncomfortable state while he was at work. I had a feeling he'd probably be returning the favor sometime soon.

I went back to drying my hair, thinking about Alice as I did. I wondered why she hadn't contacted me at all since we said goodbye on Sunday morning. Granted, I hadn't contacted her either, but I'd heard from Jasper several times already... Was he acting as the spokesperson? Was he the only one I was going to chat with outside of the bedroom? Was she waiting for me to make the first move? I kinda thought the ball would be in her court, after all, I made the first move by kissing her the other night... Not to mention her goodbye had left me so unsure of everything between the two of us...

I set the hair dryer down and rested my face on the cool wood of my dresser, frustrated. This was going to be harder than I thought.

Funny, threesomes always seemed so easy in stories and porn...

Fifteen minutes later, I worked up some courage and picked my phone up off the table. I was worried that, if I didn't send her something, Alice might be sitting in Vegas wondering if I was really interested in her, just as I was doing now.

_Good morning, Ali... Just wanted you to know I've been thinking of you...a lot._

Her reply came back a few minutes later, when I was pulling lace boy shorts and a matching bra from my lingerie drawer.

_Yes, so I've heard... You know, you left your sunglasses, dear. I guess that means you'll have to come get them._

I smiled as I read it. I couldn't help myself... She'd only called me Bella on Saturday night, but this time she'd used "dear." Maybe it meant something, maybe it didn't. I was hoping it did. I was also hoping I wasn't going to continue to obsess at teeny tiny details like this for the rest of my life. It was starting to feel ridiculous. What was it about Alice that made me feel so silly?

Maybe it was her lips... I really liked her lips.

_-Giggles- I know... I bought a pair at a truck stop on the way home, but I really do like those... Better get back to get them soon._

I began to plot how soon I could make a return trip to Nevada. Sunglasses were important, after all... I mean, I lived in Arizona. Pressing the calendar app on my iphone, I checked my schedule. I had a meeting coming up for work and a business trip the following week, but that was it. So, really, I could get back to Jasper and Alice in as little as two weeks.

I wondered what they'd think about that idea. Alice seemed to be encouraging a visit, and I had very little doubt that Jasper was interested after his texts earlier. Maybe I'd mention it...later.

_Yep. I would hate for you to be apart from them for long._

Did she mean my sunglasses? Or my lovers? God, I was obsessing yet again.

_I agree...I miss them already._

_ Soon, then... Gotta go back to work. Have a nice day._

I set my phone on the nightstand and flopped back down on my bed in just the underthings, sighing. These two were going to make me crazy.

Two hours later, I'd still accomplished absolutely nothing. My bags were still packed and sitting on the floor of my living room, my towel was still hanging from the arm of my elliptical trainer, and I was still lying in my bed, worn out from yet another session of self-love. I was starting to worry that about chafing... At the rate I was going, I would rub myself raw.

Even without being here with me, Alice and Jasper had me in a constant state of arousal. My mind swirled non-stop with different scenarios, positions for us to try, fantasies to play out. Some were good. Some were better.

_I've been hard all morning. Keep thinking about your mouth on me. And your mouth on Ali. _

_ Seems we have some things in common... I've been thinking of that too. _

_ You were so good at it... I wanna see her go down on you. _

My whole body shook as the shiver of arousal coursed through me. For some reason, the mental image I conjured of her mouth on me made me hotter than anything else I'd thought of all day. Maybe because it was an unknown... She hadn't done that to me yet. She'd never done it to any woman, actually. Jasper had told me the night before that, with the exception of one tequila-induced kiss in college (the one that he had referenced the first time I'd mentioned tequila before my visit to Vegas), Alice had never been with a woman before me. Knowing that made every single touch from her even more exciting and arousing.

_Holy hell, J... I think my head might explode. I want to suck you while she licks me._

_ An oral triangle... I like that. A lot. Fuck...we have to stop. I'm going to have to sneak into the bathroom and deal with a little something if we don't..._

_ There's nothing little about it, J... -smirk- _

_ You're terrible._

_ I am. But you like it. _

_ So much. My break is over... Gotta get back to work. Until I talk to you later, think about this: we were drunk and fumbling Saturday. Next time, we won't be. Next time, we'll take our time with you._

I buried my face in my pillow after reading his text. God, the things they did to me with just words! I was tingly and wet with anticipation yet again. Not one to back down, though, I decided to play too. Jasper and I were both worked up... Surely it was unfair to leave Alice out of our little game.

_Hope work is good. Wanted you to know I was thinking about your lips. Won't tell you what else I was thinking about._

I smirked as I sent the message, hoping it would inspire thoughts in her mind similar to the ones in mine. Knowing she was at work, I didn't expect a reply any time soon, so I decided I'd better at least attempt to use my day off to accomplish something besides orgasms. I rose from my bed and slipped into the jeans and long-sleeved tee-shirt that I'd left on the stool by my dresser. Picking my phone up and slipping it into the back pocket of my jeans, I walked barefoot out into my living room to survey the pile of belongings I'd left on the couch.

I jumped with surprise when my pocket vibrated just as I bent over to pick up my overnight bag.

_I hate work. I miss you and your pink parts. All of them._

And once again, I was reduced to a puddle.

I stared at the phone with my mouth gaping open. It was the first thing she'd said that couldn't be taken more than one way. She wanted me. She was telling me so very clearly.

_-bites lip- I miss you too, babe._

_ Don't get me all worked up here. Do you know how hard it is to help people when all I'm thinking of is Saturday?_

Yes. Yes I do. Well, I know how hard it is to do anything; I haven't really helped anyone other than myself... But it gave my ego a boost to know that she was feeling that way about me as well.

_J is making me crazy. Can't stop thinking about you and the things I want to do to you._

_ He's good at that. I can't wait to see you again._

I felt the same way. And it didn't pass my notice that it was the second time she'd mentioned seeing me again in one day. It made me feel more secure that she really did mean it. For some reason, it was easier to feel secure about how Jasper felt about me than it was Alice. I couldn't give a reason exactly why that was, it was just a feeling, probably related to the hot and cold vibes she kept giving me.

I wasn't going to read too far into it, though, or look a gift horse in the mouth. She was hot right now, and I was determined to follow her lead.

_Me either. He's talking about Saturday night, and I just keep thinking of doing it all over again._

_ Mmm...sounds like a plan, baby. Now I have to go back to work. -smooches-_

I smiled as I placed the phone back in my pocket, lost in thoughts of kissing Alice again.

I spent the next few hours doing my best to distract myself from sexy thoughts by putting all my things away, washing clothes, and making a grocery list. I had invited my mother and her husband over for dinner the next night, so I figured I should take some time to clean up a bit too.

I was just putting the last of my dishes away in the kitchen when I got another text from Jasper. We chatted a bit, actually keeping the conversation away from sexy things for a little while. It almost felt like old times, but with a more flirty tone, but I was relieved that the tension seemed to have dissipated between us.

No matter how normal it felt, though, there were still a ton of unanswered questions flying through my mind, so I had to break the nice vibe and ask one of them.

_J, what exactly are the rules here? I'm worried that I'll say the wrong thing or go too far and ruin everything... I need to know what is ok and what isn't._

_ I wish I had an answer for you, Bella. I'm as confused as you still. Ali and I still need to talk... There's a lot to figure out, you know._

_ I do. I think we all need to talk. I don't want to fuck things up for you guys._

We agreed that a skype call with the three of us together was a really good idea, and made tentative plans for one in the next day or so. We said goodnight pretty soon after, as we were both still pretty exhausted from the weekend and had to wake up early in the morning for work.

_Hey J? Kiss Ali for me before you sleep. Long and soft. _

_ I'll do even that and more, B. Wish I could kiss you too. Goodnight._

The next morning, I woke up early for work, giving myself plenty of time to do my favorite morning yoga routine before I got ready. Yoga was something I'd taken up in college. It had done wonders for both my flexibility and balance, which really helped with my exit from the awkward, klutzy teenage years.

I had actually met Edward in one of my yoga classes. I could still remember the day like it had just happened – I was still a rather massive klutz, often tripping over my own feet, and had literally fallen all over Edward while he was in the downward dog pose. It was literally one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, but he'd been so sweet about it. After the class ended, he asked me on our first date. I was young, and he'd seemed completely perfect.

I stopped in my tracks, standing in front of the yoga mat I'd just dropped on the floor, as a memory hit me.

It was the one and only time I'd ever gone to Kenya to see Edward since he'd been gone. It was right before he'd made the decision to stay there permanently, actually. I was having a terrible time. I was homesick and in a major state of culture shock. Most Kenyans spoke English, but I still found myself confused most of the time, and always unsure of myself. Edward did nothing to ease these feelings.

Edward, perfect as always, had learned Swahili to the point of fluency, and had lived in Africa so long by that point that he was completely comfortable. He had a routine and friends and a life there. It was a life that did not include me, not even when I went to visit.

One night, he'd actually come back to the small apartment before I fell asleep. We were sitting on the couch beside each other, but I was watching an episode of Friends I'd seen at least twenty times back in America while he watched a soccer match on his laptop. I was near tears, despite the humor of the television show, because of the silence that existed between us, and decided that a talk with my mom might help.

I reached over and picked up his cell phone – I didn't have one of my own, since I was only there on a two week vacation – to send her a text. In the middle of my typing, however, he received one of his own. It was in Swahili, so I didn't understand a word, but there were hearts all over the message.

I stared at it for a moment, then cleared it from the screen, glad that the phone had been on silent. I was sure I'd been replaced, but I wasn't ready to know by whom, so I never asked.

I shook my head at the memory. We'd been broken for so long; I'd just been too afraid to walk away. What I'd done on Saturday... Had I replaced him like he had me? I supposed in a lot of ways, what I'd done was my way of finally giving up. I mean, really, how could I ever be his wife again now?

Not wanting to think about that, or him, I pushed the thoughts from my mind and focused on my routine. The text alert on my phone beeped as I was entering warrior pose, actually surprising me enough to cause me to lose my balance and fall.

My routine already interrupted, I walked over to pick up the phone, wondering who on earth would text me before seven in the morning. I smiled when I saw it was from Jasper, but the smile didn't last long.

_Alice is pissed at me. I didn't tell her about the kiss goodnight before...she asked today. I fucked up. I can't talk now...just wanted to give you a heads up._

I set the phone down and sat down on my yoga mat. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. This wasn't good at all. I sighed heavily as I lay down on my back, staring up at the ceiling. As much as I wanted to be have another night with Alice and Jasper, I was not in the business of breaking up marriages. I couldn't stop the churning in my stomach that was warning me just how possible that outcome was in this situation.

I needed advice. But who could I turn to about this?

I wracked my brain for several minutes before memories of a conversation I'd had near Christmas time popped into my head: Irina. She was a Ukrainian woman that I'd met when I was in California researching a story. We'd spent four hours beside each other on a bus when the city was being evacuated due to the nearness of a forest fire, and those four hours were the beginning of a really great friendship.

Irina was a bit older than me, a bit more experienced than I was in nearly every area of life. One night, over margaritas and tapas, she'd told me some of the great sexual stories of her past. The one that stood out in this particular moment was of the relationship she'd once had with a married couple.

It was ridiculously early to be sending texts, so I decided to write her a quick email, hoping that I'd hear back from her by lunch time. In my email, I explained what I'd done on Saturday night, how things had progressed since, and the text I'd gotten that morning, and then begged for advice.

By the time I'd finished my message to Irina, I'd wasted entirely too much of my morning to finish my yoga routine, so I decided to just jump in the shower and get ready for work. With any luck, I'd be early enough to stop by the smoothie shop across the street from my office.

An hour an a half later I was sipping a cherry smoothie and checking my work email when I decided it was an appropriate hour to say good morning to Alice. Not sure how to approach the subject of the kiss and the fight it had caused, I decided to avoid it completely.

_Hey babe! How's your morning?_

_ Did you talk to J?_

So much for avoiding the issue. Next plan? Just go with the flow...

_For a minute. I was just getting up when he went to work._

_ Haha. Did he tell you I'm pissed at him?_

_ Why are you pissed?_

Yeah, I kind of knew why, but it seemed like it was better to get both sides of the story here. It was so complicated, this three-way communication thing. I was hoping it would somehow get easier. Soon.

_He lied about kissing you goodnight. I totally don't care that you guys kissed, but I'm pissed that he lied about it to my face. Don't worry, I get over this shit quickly. _

I didn't know what to make of her text. The way it was phrased made me wonder if lying was a big problem between them. Jasper had always seemed like a stand-up guy to me, I didn't really see him as being much of a liar. It was even harder to judge the situation when I wasn't there for the conversation. I didn't know why Jasper hadn't told her from the beginning, or, for that matter, why it should have been an issue anyway. After all, she was the one who left us alone right after the crazy hot sex. I sighed again, frustrated, and not really sure how to deal with everything. There was only one thing I was sure about in that moment, and that was that I didn't want to go through a morning like this again.

I decided to send a message to Jasper.

_Listen, J. I don't think we did anything wrong when we kissed. I don't know what happened between you and Ali that has her pissed, but I do not want to come between the two of you. If that's what's going on, I am going to walk away now. Is that what's going on? _

His reply came quickly, much more quickly than I'd expected since I knew he was at work.

_No, I promise. I fucked up. I take the blame. I just... It was awkward, when she asked. I panicked. I'm sorry._

_ Never again, Jasper, ok? If we're going to do this, we have to be honest with each other. All of us._

_ I promise, B. _

Seconds after his reply came, I heard the chime announcing a new email in my inbox. I opened it quickly, and was both pleased and relieved to see that it had come from Irina. I read her advice carefully, and took it all to heart, then formed my reply to Alice.

_Talked to J...kicked his ass a little. The 3 of us need to talk sometime soon and figure out what our boundaries are. I refuse to cause shit between you two, so honesty and open communication are going to be a must. Can we skype soon? Like tomorrow?_

Alice's reply came a few minutes later, just as I was clicking send on an email to Irina, thanking her for all her helpful advice.

_Tomorrow is good. And you're right. We definitely need to talk._

**A/N: Hope you're enjoying the ride. I'd love to hear your thoughts! You know.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended. A big thanks to Karmabalance for pre-reading for me. You're awesome sweets.**

_ Tomorrow is good. And you're right. We definitely need to talk._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 7**

Alice worked that afternoon, and honestly, I was feeling a little awkward about talking to her while I knew she was upset about the kiss, so I left her alone. I spent the better portion of the afternoon, however, including cooking time, sending and receiving dirty texts with Jasper. By the time my mom and her husband, Phil, came to my house for dinner that evening, I was rather worked up and sure I was going to embarrass myself somehow.

I welcomed my parents into the house and handed them both a glass of wine as I settled in for the inquisition. Renee had been a flighty hippie the whole time I was growing up, and very rarely acted more like a parent than a friend, but she had always been extremely nosy about my life. I hated it, but did my best to get through it as politely as possible since I knew that nothing I could do was going to get her to stop.

"So, what's Edward up to these days? Is he coming home soon?"

I groaned inwardly, trying to mask the sound with a cough. Renee had no idea just had bad things had gotten between my husband and me, and I wasn't ready to tell her. My mother had never thought Edward was the right man for me, and had done her best to talk me out of marrying him. Obviously, I hadn't listened.

"Edward is doing well in Kenya," I replied, answering as honestly as I could, considering the fact that I hadn't spoken to him in nearly a month. "I don't think he can take any time away from the clinic until summer, though."

"Well why don't you go see him again, then?" she asked. It sounded more like a demand.

My pocket vibrated – a text from Jasper, I knew, reminding me of the real answer to her question. I wasn't interested in seeing Edward. If I was going to take any time away, I already knew without a doubt that it would definitely be to go back to Vegas.

I couldn't tell my mother that, though. No, despite the fact that Renee, of all people, _should_ understand my situation (she had more than one affair before finally leaving my father when I was young), I knew I couldn't talk to her about it. Despite her eagerness to talk about everything with me, I found the idea of talking about my sex life with my mother... I'd rather get caught in a bear trap.

Ignoring the text from Jasper for the moment, I answered my mother. "Edward's really busy, mom. It's just not worth the price of the ticket to go."

Renee started to interrupt with an argument about how Edward could easily afford the ticket – a true story, to be sure, since the Cullen family had what seemed to be an endless supply of money – but I cut her off with an excuse about checking on the lasagna.

Leaning up against the fridge, sighing with relief at having avoided any more conversation about my long-lost husband, I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

_Do you have any idea how good you tasted on my fingers? I bet it'll be even better straight from the source... I'm going to find out soon._

I moaned out loud, unable to stop myself.

"What's wrong, Bella?" my mom asked, walking into the kitchen behind me.

I jumped about a foot in the air and cursed silently, trying to quickly come up with an excuse. "I was... The lasagna! It smells really good," I blurted out, hoping she'd believe me.

It seemed to satisfy her, and she dropped the subject. Wanting some privacy to reply to Jasper, I handed my mom the bottle of merlot and asked her to refill all of our glasses. As soon as she was out of the room, I pulled my phone back out of the pocket I'd slipped it into.

_I just moaned loud enough for my mother to hear...My face may be permanently red. All your fault. _

_ That means you liked it. ;)_

I shook my head and laughed softly. Jasper was clearly on a mission tonight. But two could play that game.

_Maybe... Have to eat now. But you should know that as soon as my parents are gone, I'll be touching myself to the image of Alice and I on our knees in front of you, sharing your cock. TTYS_

I slipped my phone back into my pocket, laughing as I imagined the look on his face when he read my text, and then dished up dinner. My text may have backfired a tiny bit, as I was now planning on rushing my parents through dinner so that I could spend a little private time with the mental image I'd just created.

I woke the next morning feeling refreshed. I had, in fact, fantasized heavily about the partnered blow job before I fell asleep. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd given Edward one, yet the mere idea of Jasper's dick in my mouth made me tremble with need. I'd pictured it in many different ways – Alice and I taking turns, fingering each other all the while; Alice and I simultaneously using our tongues to lick up and down either side of his length before meeting in a kiss over the head... I'd finally come to the image of Jasper's body shuddering as he came in my mouth while Alice screamed out my name from the effects of my fingers.

I found it amazing that I could come so hard from a fantasy that didn't involve me coming at all.

I texted Jasper a quick good morning, knowing that he had already begun his day at work, and then pulled my long hair into a ponytail so that I could exercise, since I'd been interrupted the morning before.

After working up a good sweat with a yoga/pilates blend, I stripped off my boy shorts and tank top – my standard yoga attire – and stepped into my shower. As I lathered up my hair, I allowed myself to slip into a daydream about having Jasper and Alice in my shower with me. It was certainly big enough for all three of us, though we'd have to stand pretty close to each other. I was having a hard time finding a problem with that.

Shaking my head to clear the fantasy away, I quickly finished my shower and turned it off, wrapping myself in a towel and sitting down on the stool to brush and dry my hair. After taking a couple of days off from work to go to Vegas, I really didn't want to be late this morning, so it was essential that I stopped picturing a naked, wet Alice and started getting ready.

Jasper, however, had other plans for me this morning, which I discovered the minute I looked at my phone. He had texted me a picture of Ali. Well, of her ass, anyway. Her ass covered in sheer lime green ruffled panties.

I bit my lip as I looked at her nicely rounded ass. The picture was taken from behind with her bent over the edge of the bed. I stared at it, wondering how Jasper had managed to leave her standing there long enough to take the picture before attacking her. I closed my eyes, imagining him grabbing onto her hips and thrusting into her from behind.

Fuck being on time for work...

An hour and a half later, I was settled at my desk with my macbook turned on, ready to begin my workday. Miraculously, I was only ten minutes late. Mike Newton, one of my office mates, had given me a rather raunchy look when I'd rushed through the door, and I'd heard him make some comment about how I'd clearly used my morning well. I didn't comment back, but silently cursed Jasper and Alice both for having in such a state all the time.

Revenge, however, would always be sweet. With my office door safely closed behind me, I leaned back against the cool black leather of my office chair and unbuttoned my light blue blouse down to my navel, pulling the sides over to reveal the turquoise lace bra I wore underneath. Using one hand to hold my iphone out in front of me, I placed the other over my chest, letting my fingertips slip into my deep line of my cleavage, and then snapped the picture.

I texted the image to Jasper, then re-dressed and turned back toward my desk to begin on my work. I had just finished writing the lead for a story giving an update about a local man who'd been bitten by a venomous snake when I heard the text alert.

_Good morning dear. Blue looks lovely on you._

I smiled, glad to see that Jasper had forwarded my picture on to Alice as well. For some reason, I'd felt odd sending it directly to her, and had gone for the more comfortable option instead.

_Thank you. I saw a pretty picture of you today... That's one fine ass you've got, babe._

_ You liked that? I can't wait for you to see it in person._

Did she really have to ask if I liked it? Didn't she realize that I spent hours of each day fantasizing about her body and the things I wanted to do to it?

_Me either. I can't wait to get my hands on it._

_ We'll have to arrange that babe._

_ I'd like that very much. You know, I've had plenty of dirty thoughts today, but what I can't get out of my head is how much I want to be kissing you right now._

_ Is it bad that I found that incredibly sweet? I wish I could be kissing you too, baby._

I smiled as I read her message. I wondered if she was as enthralled by kissing me as I was her. It was just so different; so soft and sensual to kiss her. It wasn't like kissing a man; there was no harness anywhere. When my chest pressed against hers, they met in the center like pillows, when our legs tangled together, they were both (well, they would be next time) silky and smooth.

I was quickly becoming aroused by this train of thought.

_I can dirty that up in one sentence, you know. Just imagine Jasper standing behind us, his arms reaching around..._

_ Damn, baby... I'm trying to talk to a coworker and now you have me all flustered. _

_ I'm a troublemaker. -giggles-_

_ Yes you are. ;) Go back to work. I'll ttyl. _

I got pretty wrapped up in my work after my conversation with Alice, which was probably a good thing, considering the fact that it left me too distracted to obsess about the skype call I would be having with Alice and Jasper later in the evening. I finished up the snakebite story and sent it along to my editor just before breaking for lunch, during which I shared a very sexy texted conversation with Jasper.

_I'd like to put my mouth over that blue lace and suck on your nipples right through it. _

Biting my lip, I forced the moan to remain silent. The paper's lunchroom was actually pretty crowded at the moment, and I wasn't really looking to embarrass myself in front of everyone I worked with. But thoughts of what his mouth could do to me had my face quickly flushing a bright crimson.

_My nipples are hard just thinking of that._

_ Are you wearing matching bottoms?_

_ I always do._

_ I'm going to need proof._

I gasped. It would be completely inappropriate, of course, for me to take pictures of my panties while at work. Somewhere near as inappropriate as the picture I'd sent him earlier, I'd imagine. It was wrong and I completely knew better. I did.

And that's why I made sure to lock my office door before I did it.

Ten minutes after his text to me, Jasper received a reply, in the form of a picture message, taken myself by holding the phone out as far as I could reach with my arm as I sat with my skirt hiked up over my hips and my legs spread as far as the arms of my leather chair would allow. Even though I knew that Jasper and Alice had both seen more of me than the picture revealed, I still blushed as I took it.

I blushed even harder, though, when I saw Jasper's answer.

_I wish I was under your desk right now... I'd pull those down with my teeth and bury my face in your sweet pussy. _

_ I hope you're happy. My panties are soaked. Now I'm going to have to spend the rest of the day with none on. Think about that while you work. TTYL J._

Somehow, I got through the afternoon at work, although I must admit, it was rather uncomfortable when the ever geeky Eric Yorkie came into my office wanting to have a conversation with me about the business trip I was taking the following week. There really does not exist a way in which to talk to your boss comfortably when you have no panties on under your skirt.

Once I got back to my house, I warmed up a bit of the lasagna from the night before and took a wine cooler out of the refrigerator. I carried the bottle and my plate over to the couch and turned the tv on, using the remote to bring up the most recent episode of one of my favorite programs.

I got a text from Alice about halfway through the episode.

_Putting kids to bed in an hour. We'll skype right after, ok?_

I quickly replied in the affirmative and did my best to calm the gymnasts who immediately began bouncing around on trampolines inside my belly. I had no idea what to expect from this conversation, but I had a feeling that it was going to be extremely awkward.

Suddenly not quite as hungry, I carried my plate back to the kitchen and set it in the sink, picking up another wine cooler while I was in there. Nothing wrong with a little liquid courage, right?

I had three drinks by the time my computer announced Alice and Jasper's call. I took a deep breath, ran a quick hand through my hair to try to move it all into place, and accepted the call. A few seconds later, I was finally looking at the faces of the man and woman I hadn't been able to get out of mind for four days.

I grinned at the two of them, unable to stop the smile from spreading all the way across my face. I might have felt silly, had they not been returning the look with equal excitement.

"Hey," I said softly, biting my lip as I tried unsuccessfully to stop smiling.

"Hey there," Jasper replied.

"It's good to see you again," Alice said, sounding sincere.

There were about a million things I wanted to say, but instead I said the one thing that I needed to say. "So... I was thinking that we should maybe make some rules?"

I wondered when I became so skilled with sentence formation. Good thing I didn't need a strong command of the English language for my job... oh, wait... I shook my head at my own thoughts, wishing I could roll my eyes at myself.

Alice just nodded her head. "What kind of rules were you thinking, Bella?"

"Well," I began, sounding uncertain. "Like I told Jasper earlier, openness and honesty are a must. I don't want us lying to each other. This," I gestured between me and them with my index finger, "is complicated and full of potential disasters. We have to be able to trust each other or it will never work."

Jasper and Alice nodded in agreement. "I have one too," Alice said. "Feelings should stay out of this. I mean, I don't want you falling in love with my husband, or him with you... You know what I mean?"

I nodded. "That seemed reasonable," I agreed. "And I want to add that if you ever feel uncomfortable, or just decide that you can't do this, I'll walk away. All you have to do is tell me. I don't want to cause problems for you two."

"That's fair. So just sex," Jasper reiterated. Alice and I both nodded.

"Um..." I said, feeling supremely awkward. "Are there going to be other people invited to this party?" I felt like such a dork, but I was too embarrassed to put into words what exactly was in my head.

Jasper and Alice looked at each other for a second, then turned back toward me. "You can do whatever you want, I think," Alice replied. "But as far as we go, it's just the three of us. I don't want anyone else involved in this," she finished, gesturing between the three of us just as I had done earlier.

That was what I was hoping she'd say. I was very satisfied by the threesome and really didn't want to involve anyone else. I didn't see how it could possibly work, anyway. I was having enough trouble managing two lovers; what on earth would I do with three?

We discussed things a bit further before Alice turned the conversation toward sex. I cannot explain for the life of me why I could _have_ sex with the two of them, but talking about what I liked and disliked in bed was making me wish that my floor would suddenly open up and swallow me whole.

"Come on," Alice prodded. "What kind of things do you like in bed?"

"I... I don't... I..." I stuttered as I searched for words. The truth was, I had no idea what I liked in bed. Until Saturday night, I'd never had an orgasm during sex. I'd never even experienced oral sex. Ever. Really, how could I know what I wanted in bed?

"Ok, Bella, don't hyperventilate," Jasper said, laughing. "Maybe we can make this easier. Is there something you know you _don't_ want?"

I thought for a minute. "No ass to mouth," I said definitively, the blush on my face surely the deepest crimson it had ever been.

"What?" Jasper exclaimed as Alice doubled over in laughter, clutching her sides. She knew exactly what I was talking about, thanks to a conversation we'd had a few days before.

"She means," Alice sputtered through her giggles, "that she is not into rimming."

Jasper, whose story was not erotica like the ones that Alice and I wrote, still didn't really know what we meant, and was looking at the screen with a furrowed brow.

"I don't want a tongue in my ass. Or on it. Or near it, really. And I especially don't want a tongue that has been on as ass to be in my mouth." I said the words as quickly as I possibly could, hoping that the fact that every fluid ounce of blood in my body was in my face would not cause me to die of a lack of circulation.

It was an unfortunate coincidence that Jasper had taken a sip of his beer at the same moment that I blurted out my explanation, because the image on my screen was suddenly covered with droplets of moisture from him spewing the liquid out of his mouth in shock. It completely dissolved my discomfort, though, and I started to laugh with them.

We returned to our discussion a few minutes later after our laughter died down. We discussed several more sexual rules, which we labeled amendments to our relationship constitution. They were honestly a little ridiculous, especially when we reworded them so that we could speak about them in public (no panty sniffing, for example, became "no stopping to smell the roses"), but we were apparently aiming to cover all of our bases.

We were on skype together for nearly two hours before the entire constitution was hammered out in detail. Once it was done, though, I think all of us felt much more comfortable and secure in our... for lack of better words, situation.

"Well, now that _that_ is finished," Alice said with a devilish grin, "maybe we should celebrate..."

**A/N: Alright, my dearest readers, tell me what you think! I do send out previews in all my review replies, if you're interested. You know.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A great big thank you is owed to Karmabalance, who pre-read this for me. You make a wonderful sounding board, sweets. **

**Lemony content ahead.**

_ "Well, now that that is finished," Alice said with a devilish grin, "maybe we should celebrate..."_

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 8**

I wasn't sure exactly what she meant at first, but Alice silently explained just a few seconds later when she turned to Jasper and began kissing him. I groaned softly as I watched his hand reach around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. Maybe it was because I knew exactly how it felt to kiss them both, maybe because I had some sort of as-yet-unrealized voyeuristic fetish, I wasn't sure, but either way, I found it incredibly arousing to watch the two of them making out this way.

She must have heard me groan, because Alice pulled back from Jasper's lips and turned toward me, licking her lips as she looked at me with slightly hooded eyes. "You like watching us."

It wasn't a question. She knew. I must admit, though, that it was probably incredibly obvious by the rapid rise and fall of my chest and the fact that my lips had parted as I looked on with desire. And though she couldn't see it, there was even more evidence of how much I liked it in the wetness quickly forming in my girly bits.

"Don't stop," I whispered.

They didn't.

Jasper, who had observed my interaction with Alice with very intense eyes, reached out and grabbed his wife's chin, turning her face sharply back toward him and attacking her lips with his own. I could hear Alice's muffled moan as she parted her lips for him, and then watched as Jasper's tongue slipped into her mouth.

I began to squirm, squeezing my thighs together as the ache between my legs grew worse. I wished with everything I had that I could somehow teleport to Vegas and climb into their bed with them, but that was obviously not an option. But that didn't mean that I couldn't join them in my own way.

Just as Alice's breasts, hidden from my view by her black tank top and a leopard-print bra, were revealed to me by the deft and rapid work of Jasper's hands, I knew I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to feel the soft mounds under my palms as I circled her nipples with my tongue. I couldn't have hers, so I decided to settle for my own.

Quickly pulling my shirt over my head, then unhooking my bra and tossing it to the side, I leaned back against the couch cushions and very softly ran my fingertips across my waist and then up the center line of my chest, letting out a low moan as the breath rushed out of me.

The sound caught the attention of Jasper, who, by this time, had also removed his own shirt and pushed Alice back against the mattress. Not removing his mouth from her nipple, which he was clearly doing amazing things to, based on the way she was gasping underneath him, he turned his attention to the computer screen where he saw me rolling my nipples between my fingers and thumbs.

Knowing that he was watching me caused my arousal to double. "Oh fuck," I moaned, fighting to keep my eyes on the screen when they wanted to roll back in my head.

My words made Alice turn her face toward me, and when she saw what I was doing, it seemed to affect her the same way that watching them had me. I saw her hips lift off the bed, searching for and finding Jasper's, then grinding against him.

"Oh fuck, Bella, you're so hot," she murmured in a breathy voice. "Are you going to touch yourself for us, baby?"

"God yes," I moaned, squeezing both my full breasts as my back arched off the couch, giving my lovers an even better view of what I was doing.

"Fucking hell." I heard Jasper's low growl and fought to open my eyes again to see what had caused it, leading to another low moan tumbling from my lips as I saw Alice's hand had disappeared under the waistband of Jasper's pants. I knew that she had wrapped those long fingers – the same ones which had, days before, brought on my orgasm as she rubbed circles over my clit – around Jasper's cock. The cock which I was once again aching to feel moving inside of me.

My panties were completely soaked, so I decided there was really no point to keeping them on.

Jasper and I simultaneously fumbled with our own buttons and zippers as Alice continued to egg us both on by telling me how hard Jasper was while she rubbed her hand up and down his still-hidden length.

A moment later, Jasper and I were both completely naked, which was not a problem at all. What _was_ a problem, however, was that Alice was still dressed.

"Alice. Pants. Off," I panted as my fingertip slid over my slick folds. "Jasper."

He turned his face to me again as he roughly pulled Alice's tight jeans down over her hips, and watched with rapt attention as I teased my opening with my fingers. The view that he had didn't allow him to see anything too graphic, just the junction of my thighs and the movement of my hand between them. He did, however, have a very good view of my upper half, so I was sure to keep my other hand moving over my breasts and stomach for his enjoyment.

Even though we were looking at each other through our computer screens, I swore that Jasper and I were staring into each other's eyes for a moment. Knowing I had his attention, I nodded toward Alice and licked my lips, hoping he'd understand what I meant.

He did.

As soon as he had tossed her jeans off the side of the bed, Jasper pressed Alice's knees open and buried his face in her pussy. She moaned and writhed beneath his tongue for the first minute, and I watched in rapt attention, remembering the way his tongue had felt on other parts of my body and shivering with desire as I circled my clit with my fingers.

"Oh...god, Bella..." Alice said between labored breaths. "You can't imagine how good he is with his tongue."

I moaned. Loudly. Alice obviously had no idea just how good of an imagination I had...

"I wish you were here," she continued. "I wish my fingers were deep in your sweet pussy."

I wanted to reply. I did. I just couldn't remember a single word other than "fuck", so I formed it within the confines of a long, low, lustful moan.

Jasper was obviously just as affected by Alice's dirty talking; I could see the evidence of it in the twitching of his extremely hard dick. Looking at him there immediately brought to the forefront of my mind how it felt the first time he slid it into me...

I slid two fingers into my entrance, still imagining it was him, and my head fell back as I gasped with pleasure.

"Tell me what you're thinking, Bella," Alice prodded.

I opened my mouth to speak, but moaned instead, because Jasper lifted his face up out of Alice's pussy and looked directly at me as he licked his lips.

I wanted to lick his lips clean...to taste Alice on him.

"Fuck," I whimpered. I could feel the tightness in my belly as my orgasm approached. Swallowing hard, I tried to respond. "I... I was... Oh fuck...Oh!"

I came. I came hard. I came just as Jasper slid his cock into Alice. My cries mingled with her whimpers and Jasper's groans. I fucking loved the sounds of all three of us together.

I let my fingers slide out of myself and my hand felt limp onto the couch, my other hand resting on my belly as I tried to catch my breath while Jasper began to fuck his wife.

But really, who in the hell could breathe properly while watching something like that?

"You look so fucking hot when you come, baby," Alice said, grasping Jasper's short hair with her fingers as she locked her gaze on me. "I want to see you come again. I want you to come with me, Bella. Will you do that for me?"

_If you keep talking like that, Alice, I don't see how I could avoid it._

I just nodded, because Alice's words had once again destroyed my ability to form a sentence.

"Good girl," she murmured as her nails sank into the back of Jasper's shoulders.

He groaned loudly, and I could see her legs shaking as he held them up, the front of his thighs making the most delicious smacking sound every time they met the flesh of her perfect ass. I moaned too, sliding my wet fingers over my clit again, feeling completely wanton and desperate for release despite the intensity of the orgasm I'd just experienced. Seeing them like this, and hearing them – both the sounds of the sex and the dirty words that continued to pour from Alice's lips – had quickly worked me back into a frenzy.

My fingers were moving quite rapidly over my clit now, and my feel were flat on the couch cushions, pushing against them as I lifted my hips to press them harder into my touch. "Look how much she wants you, baby," I heard Alice say to Jasper, her voice raspy.

"Both...both of you," I corrected as I rubbed even faster. I could see Jasper's grimace, and I knew he was getting close. She smiled, and it was sweet, a complete momentary departure from the dirtiness. "God, Alice..."

She made me crazy. In the best possible way.

I began to whimper and moan as I got closer and closer to my climax. I saw the shudder pass through Jasper just before Alice cried out. "Fuck! Oh Jesus... God... Baby!"

Her voice quivered and shook, almost like she was actually going to cry. It was the exact tone that I'd heard the first time she'd come on Saturday, when she'd called out my name. The memory combined with the erotic image in front of my eyes threw me over the edge.

My back arched up high off of the arm of the couch as my neck bent back, momentarily taking my eyes off the screen. This meant I couldn't see Jasper come, but it certainly didn't take away from the experience of _hearing_ him.

It was a low sound, a growl, really. Well, a growl combined with a grunt. Whatever that sound was called, I was going to enter it into the dictionary as the sexiest sound ever to come from a human male.

I fell back against the couch, panting and exhausted, letting my eyes close as I enjoyed the after-effects of my second amazing orgasm. At some later point, I'd contemplate the fact that Alice and Jasper had made me come – twice – tonight, without even actually touching me, whereas I hadn't climaxed from sex with Edward in...ever. But I refused to taint this moment of post-coital bliss with thoughts of him.

A minute or two later, after Jasper had rolled off of Alice and was laying on his side next to her, one hand laid casually over her belly, the other holding his head up as he gave me a lazy, satisfied smile, I smiled back at the two of them and then started to giggle.

"What?" Jasper asked, his brow furrowed in confusion at my sudden outburst.

"When we were at the buffet the day after the concert," I explained between bouts of giggles. "Alice told me I could do whatever I wanted with you, as long as I didn't get naked and have sex with you on skype!"

Jasper looked back and forth between Alice and I, and then, seeing the expressions on both of our faces as we tried to restrain ourselves, burst into laughter. Alice and I immediately joined him.

I was at work the next day, trying to ignore Mike Newton, who had apparently made it his goal in life to take me on a date, and therefore would not take no for an answer. It was an amazing coincidence that every time I got up to refill my water glass, Mike was thirsty as well. By the fourth time that morning, I had come up with several interesting ideas on how to get him to shut up for awhile.

_I'm sorry, Mike, but I can't possibly concentrate on whatever it is that you're saying because I am quite busy fantasizing about licking my girlfriend's pussy._

_ I'm sorry, Mike, I can't go out with you this weekend, because I'll be busy getting myself off while I watch my boyfriend and girlfriend have sex together over the internet._

Or_ I'm sorry, Mike, I didn't hear that last thing you said to me, because my mind was still blown over the last text my boyfriend sent me – the one in which he said he wanted to leave his handprints on my ass while he fucked me from behind..._

I snickered at my own thoughts, knowing full well I didn't have the balls to say anything like that out loud, but still kind of wishing that I did.

"What's so funny?" Mike asked.

_Crap. _I had forgotten that he was talking to me.

_I'm sorry, Mike, I was so busy fantasizing about the dirty things I could tell you to shut you up that I wasn't listening to you talk..._

"Sorry, Mike. It was just a stray thought," I said, smiling through the blush.

"I thought you were laughing at my dinner invitation. I should have known better."

_True, Mike... Because I only laugh at that internally. I'm too polite to do it out loud._

"Oh," I replied, sounding like a bit of an idiot. "I can't, I'm sorry. But thank you."

"I didn't even say when," he responded, looking confused.

"It doesn't matter when, Mike. I'm...in a relationship."

Ok, it wasn't exactly true. It was only the night before that we'd agreed that I could see whoever I wanted. Alice and Jasper had not wanted exclusivity from me. But that didn't mean I wasn't going to give it to them. The truth was, I was completely caught up in the whirlwind that was the Whitlocks and my trip to Las Vegas. I couldn't even contemplate thinking about anyone else right now.

"Yeah, I know. But you haven't seen your husband in forever, and I know you don't like him. Come on, Bella. It's just dinner," Mike prodded.

I fought hard to keep my jaw from dropping open. When I'd told Mike I was in a relationship, I'd meant Jasper and Alice. I'd completely forgotten about Edward.

I was so going to Hell.

"I have to go, Mike. I have work to do. I'll talk to you later," I said, speaking mechanically as I struggled to wrap my mind around the mistake I'd just made. True, I knew that Edward and I were over. I'd known it before I made the decision to allow the threesome to happen. But somehow, this seemed like something else. Something more. I'd known it, yes, but had I just finally admitted it?

I sat back down at my desk, hoping to get some work done. I had to revise a draft of the story I'd written earlier in the morning that I'd just gotten back from my editor. After looking over his notes, I realized that I was going to need to make a phone call to the mayor's office to get the information that my boss wanted.

Taking a look at my watch, I saw that it was nearly two-thirty. Instead of that time telling me that it was completely acceptable to call the mayor's office, I immediately recognized the time as being thirty minutes before Jasper was off work for the day, and, if my memory was correct, quite close to the time that Alice's shift at the bookstore began.

A smile crossed my face as I thought of them, and I pulled my iphone out of my desk drawer to send a quick text to Alice, hoping to catch her before she got to work.

_Hey babe...was thinking of you. How's your day been?_

She replied quickly.

_Just put my sunglasses on to walk to work and thought of you. _

_ -smiles- Bet you look good._

I'd seen her with her sunglasses on when we were walking down the strip – they were large black frames with rhinestone accents that wrapped around the sides of her face so that no sun got into her eyes, with lenses so dark that no one had a clue what she might be looking at. She looked like a movie star when she wore them.

_They aren't you and your glasses though. Nothing compares to that._

My sunglasses were fairly cheap plastic fames with silver butterflies on the sides. They were my favorite pair, but nothing truly special. But we weren't talking about sunglasses anymore. Not the real kind, anyway. This had already become a code of sorts between Alice and I. Whenever we spoke of my sunglasses, we really meant her and Jasper. And so she was right. Nothing could compare to the three of us together.

_-sighs- I wish I had ruby slippers that I could click together and be with you anytime I wanted._

_I totally agree. But I think it could be worse, you could be across the country._

I couldn't help but think about Edward when she said that, despite trying to fight off the thought of him. Distance hadn't been the factor that had ended us, really. Certainly it hadn't helped at all, but the real problem had been Edward's lack of regard for me and the things that I wanted and cared about. But it could also be said that I didn't notice any of those things until there was distance between us.

It made me worry that the distance – all 305 miles of it – between Jasper, Alice and I would make this, whatever it was, not work.

I didn't want that to happen.

_I know, it's not too far. We could meet in Kingman even, just for the day... I just want you in my arms again._

And I did. More than anything. I was almost desperate to touch Alice again, to feel her smooth skin and trace her gentle curves...

_Yeah. We'll make it happen. I swear it!_

Her text bolstered my spirit. I smiled slightly, no longer feeling so heavy-hearted, and decided to be optimistic about what could happen for us.

_I know we will. And until then, the anticipation will make us crazy, and sweeten it so much more when it actually happens._

_ Yeah. You're driving us both crazy. Don't stop._

I laughed out loud when I read her message. I wondered if she realized just how crazy they were both making me, or how I lived almost every second since I first kissed Alice on edge, constantly aroused, constantly ready for them to send me soaring once again.

_-laughs- I'm good for it._

_ You are real good for it._

_ -smirks- I've only just gotten started._

I actually surprised myself with the boldness of the last text. It wasn't like me to be so brazen, so confidant. There was something about my two lovers, though, that brought out someone completely different than what I was used to seeing in myself. It was different, yes, but it came so naturally. This was a thought that made me stop everything that I was doing for a moment as I considered it.

I couldn't _be_ two completely different people, could I? So which one of them was really me? For the first time in as long as I could remember, I found myself wondering who Bella Swan really was.

I sat questioning my life for so long that I actually forgot to make the phone call to the mayor's office until my office phone rang with a call from my editor, asking if I had gotten the information. I quickly made up a story about how I was waiting for a call back, but would get the information to him as quickly as possible. Luckily for me, Eric accepted this excuse. As soon as he ended our call, I took a deep breath and focused my thoughts back on my job.

That focus lasted long enough for me to make the call and re-work my article, but not much longer than that. I'd only just gotten the file emailed to Yorkie when the text alert sounded on my phone.

_Was trying to write my next chapter, but I couldn't stop thinking about my sexy editor. What's up, baby?_

I smiled at Jasper's text, immediately reminded of "love your editor day."

_Sounds a lot like my day... I got caught up thinking about you and Ali and forgot to get my work done. How's the chapter going?_

Jasper was truly an editor's dream – his grammar was far from perfect, but he paid close attention to my notes and learned from his mistakes. I found his plot was very intriguing, but his true talent laid in the way he described things.

If I was really honest, I'd admit that I enjoyed his talent for describing things all the time, not just in his story... He reminded me of this fact with his next text.

_The chapter went nowhere. I was lost in a fantasy of you riding me, your full breasts swinging from side to side as you bounced up and down in my lap... It was so real...I swear I could feel your tongue and hear you moaning at the taste of Alice as you licked her off of my fingers..._

Like I said, Jasper excelled at descriptions. And at making me moan out loud at inappropriate times. This particular one was overheard by none other than Mike Newton, who popped his head into my office at exactly the wrong time.

Mike raised a brow and smirked at me. "Looking at porn on the office computers, Swan?"

"I most certainly am not!" I replied indignantly, adding a huff at the end. I had every right to be offended. I was _not _using my work computer to look at porn. I would never do that.

I was just receiving dirty texts from my boyfriend while sitting in my office.

That wasn't going to be a good excuse either, though, so I made something up. "I think my lunch disagreed with me. My stomach isn't feeling well."

Mike rolled his eyes as he stepped back into the hall. "Sure, Bella. Have a nice afternoon." He said it with laughter in his voice and then walked down the corridor to his own office before I could add further protest.

_Just moaned in front of coworker. I'm mortified. You're going to have to be extra nice next time I see you to make up for your terrible timing... I may have to get a new job because of you..._

_ I plan on it, babe. You'll come so many times that you will have to wave goodbye to me from your bed because you won't be able to stand. Have a fun day at the office. TTY tonight._

I buried my head in my arms on top of my desk and groaned. This man was going to be the death of me, but what a way to go.

Once the blush calmed down, I reached into my desk drawer to retrieve my purse and headed down the office hall to the restroom to change my panties – I'd learned my lesson early with Alice and Jasper, and now carried spares.

I made it through the rest of my workday without incident, and then started gathering my things to go home. Just as I plugged my phone into the charger in my car, I got another text from Jasper.

_Can you skype tonight? I miss seeing you already...and I have news: Ali has next weekend off._

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one. I send previews in my review replies, if you're interested. You know...**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Thanks to Karmabalance, who I think read this chapter 3 times before I was satisfied with it, for pre-reading for me. You are the best, sweets.**

_ Can you skype tonight? I miss seeing you already...and I have news: Ali has next weekend off._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 9**

I was practically giddy by the time Jasper sent me the text letting me know that he had put his kids to bed, knowing that I was only minutes from seeing his face again, even if it was only on my computer screen. Alice was still at work, he'd mentioned, but would join us on the call when she got home.

Jasper's earlier text, regarding Alice's work schedule, had my head spinning the entire afternoon and on through dinner. I'd burned my grilled cheese sandwich – yeah, I was very gourmet when just cooking for myself – because I'd been caught up in daydreams about seeing my lovers again in ten short days. I was imagining every scenario... what positions we would try, whether they'd come to Arizona or I'd return to Vegas, what lingerie I should wear... I was just letting out a soft moan at the thought of what color stripes I might find covering Alice's ass when I slipped her jeans down over her hips for the first time when the smoke detector went off.

Damn it all to hell, I'd burnt the fries as well.

After tossing the still-smoking pan into the sink and running cold water over it, I opened the door to my pantry and stepped inside, finding a Nutri-Grain bar and rolling my eyes before ripping it's wrapper open. It wasn't much of a dinner, but it'd do for now. I obviously had the attention span of a gnat for anything other than Mr and Mrs Whitlock, so I couldn't be trusted in the kitchen tonight.

Just as I was tossing the wrapper into the garbage can, my cell beeped a text alert.

_You ready?_

_Absolutely._

I walked down the hall to my bedroom and sat down on my bed, where my laptop was already waiting for me. Within thirty seconds, my skype began to ring, and I quickly accepted the call, clicking the video button so I could see Jasper's face.

I grinned as soon as I saw him, my expression mimicking his own. "Hey there," I said.

"How's it going, babe?" he replied, waving at the screen as he let out a nervous-sounding laugh.

"Better now that you're here," I answered, biting my lip a little as I wondered if that was too much. Sometimes I felt very confused about how to act with him now that new boundaries had been set. I mean, we were still friends, but we were also having sex. Sex without feelings. But how, exactly, two friends could have sex without feelings was a bit of a mystery to me. I blamed that on the fact that I'd only ever been with two people ever before this, and sex had never happened between us until the feelings were completely established. I supposed, though, that Jasper, Alice, and I would figure this all out.

Apparently, it was not too much, because Jasper smiled and immediately looked more at ease. "I know what you mean," he replied. "I've been waiting to see you all day."

I felt the flush color my cheeks as I smiled. I was very happy to know that his thoughts had mirrored mine. His texts left little doubt that he was interested, but I still liked the reassurance he offered vocally. I felt more secure with that, since I could hear his tone. And see his face.

His face was so handsome...

I laughed silently, realizing I'd gotten distracted yet again. It seemed to be becoming a habit.

"So how was your day at work?" I asked, wondering if he had been any more productive than I had.

I got my answer when he started shaking his head and laughing.

"What?" I demanded.

"I guess last night's skype left a lasting impression on me... I was having a hard time wiping the grin off my face all day."

I laughed softly. "I know exactly what you mean," I agreed.

"Yeah," he said, smiling. "I bet you do. Anyway, at lunch, one of the other dealers was giving me shit about it, and asked why the hell I was so happy. 'What'd you do last night?' he asked, rolling his eyes at me. 'Have a threesome?'"

"Oh my god!"

"Yeah, right? You have no idea how impossible it was to not choke on my sandwich!"

"What did you say?" I asked, still shocked.

"What could I say? I agreed with him, but with lots of sarcasm. Like, 'yeah, that's exactly what I did, man. I totally had a threesome last night.' Then I rolled my eyes and kept eating."

"That's hilarious, Jas!" I said, still laughing. "_I_ got accused of looking at porn at work today. Which, by the way, was entirely your fault."

"I did say I'd make it up to you," Jasper replied, wagging his eyebrows at me suggestively.

I bit my lip. "You better." I paused for a moment, thinking. "You know, you could start making it up to me right now..."

"How so?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"Got your guitar?" I asked, smiling.

He understood my meaning right away, and smiled back at me. "Absolutely." He disappeared from my screen for a minute, and I took that time to make myself more comfortable, sliding my macbook across my bedspread and sprawling out over my mattress on my belly, holding my face up with my hands.

Jasper returned with his Epiphone acoustic in hand and a grin on his face, and sat back down in front on his laptop and started to play. I listened for a minute and realized that I didn't recognize the song. I liked it, though. This song was all instrumental, so I didn't get to enjoy his sexy, gravelly voice, but his skills on the guitar more than made up for it.

As he played, I watched the fingers of his left hand and they moved deftly up and down the fretboard, paying attention to the shape of his hand as it created different tones and chords. It was a heavy melody, relying mostly on the lower strings, and it seemed to be so true to Jasper's personality – complicated and beautiful, yet masculine.

I was so caught up in the song that I didn't even notice Alice when she appeared in the corner of my screen. In my defense, she didn't say anything, and Jasper with a guitar in his hand was so incredibly sexy that I doubt many women would have been able to tear their eyes away from him.

When the echos of the last chord finally faded away, Jasper dropped his guitar into his lap and turned his face to offer his wife a kiss, thus alerting me to her presence.

"Ali!" I exclaimed, truly happy to see her. When she turned toward me, I caught a glimpse of her lips, painted a deep red today, and my breath caught in my throat. Her hair was pulled back, a few blue strands had fallen and were swept across her forehead and tucked behind her ear, highlighting even more the striking blue of her eyes. She really _was_ gorgeous.

"Hi Bella," she said, smiling. "Got Jasper to play for you again, I see."

I grinned. "Yeah, I'm a lucky girl. I love hearing him play."

Laughing as I watched the blush color Jasper's cheeks, I wondered if he had any idea how amazing I thought he was. Then I wondered if I might be lucky enough to hear him play every day.

"How was your night at work?" I asked, turning my attention back to Alice.

She shrugged. "It wasn't bad. The store was busy, but I convinced my manager to let me work the floor instead of the registers. I like it when I can help people find the right book to read. I'm pretty good at guessing what a customer might like. A lot of them come back to the store, asking for me, after they finish one of my suggestions, hoping I'll give them another good one."

I smiled at the proud look on her face. I found her confidence both sexy and sweet. I also knew that she was right – she had suggested a story for me to read in one of our very first conversations, and I had really enjoyed it.

"So I assume Jasper told you the good news?" she asked, raising a brow.

I looked at Jasper, then back to Alice, grinning. "Well, he mentioned that you had a weekend off work, but we didn't really talk about it. I was waiting until you got home to bring it up."

"I'm here now," she reminded, as if I hadn't realized it yet.

I smiled as I rolled my eyes playfully. "Thanks for letting me know, babe. So, a weekend off, huh? What are you going to do with yourself?"

I knew what I wanted her to be do... Or maybe I should have said _who_ I wanted her to do... But I was somewhat nervous about making the suggestion, for some reason. I wasn't sure what that reason was, seeing as how both Jasper and Alice had given me plenty of encouragement, but I was still afraid of pushing too hard or too fast.

"Well," Alice began, twirling a few strands of hair around her finger as she looked over at Jasper, winking. "My sister Cynthia called this morning and invited Peter and Charlotte to stay with her for the weekend – her daughter is near their age and wanted to play with them, so not only do we have time off of work, but we're kidless as well."

"Seems like the perfect time to take an adult road trip, don't you think, Bella?" Jasper asked.

I grinned what I was sure was the biggest grin of my life. "Road trip?" I repeated.

"If you're up for the company," Alice said, tentatively. "I know it's rude to invite ourselves, but..."

"No buts. Let me make this clear right now: You are always welcome here," I interrupted. "And I think it's a fantastic idea. How long will you be staying?"

Our conversation continued for about ten more minutes as we worked out the finer details of my lovers' upcoming visit. In the end, It was decided that they would make their drive early on Saturday morning, that way they didn't have to try to find my house in the dark on Friday night, and they would leave early Sunday afternoon.

I wished that they could stay longer, but I was near giddy with excitement that they were coming at all. A few minutes later, after a bit more casual chit chat, the three of us ended the call with a promise to text in the morning. I set my macbook to the side and slipped my jeans off, tossing them to the side of the bed and sliding under the covers in just my t shirt and panties, ready to dream about the weekend that was soon to come.

I couldn't get to sleep, however. Not right away. As much as I wanted to fall into what were sure to be fantastic dreams, I was stuck thinking about much less pleasant things. Like the fact that I was lying in the bed that I had shared with my husband. The bed into which I had just invited my two lovers. That made me uncomfortable.

What made me even more uncomfortable, however, was the memory that was evoked by Alice's revelation that she wanted to spend her weekend off work with me.

It was another memory of Kenya, and the one time that I had gone to visit Edward there. His medical practice kept him very busy, and that was something that I just had to accept. I'd decided to marry a doctor, and I had known at the time what that entailed. I had not, however, made the decision to marry a doctor in a small Kenyan village, however, which meant that his hours at work were even more extensive than they had been when he'd worked in Arizona. I learned in my first week there that Edward's work came before me. It wasn't until my third week there that I made the unfortunate realization that work wasn't the only thing that came before me.

I sat in our small apartment all week, watching old reruns of American shows on the tiny television or reading books, wishing that Edward would take a day off work so that we could do some sightseeing. I wasn't confidant enough to go anywhere on my own. On Wednesday night, I managed to stay up late enough to still be awake when he finally came home.

"Edward, could we go into Nairobi this weekend?" I asked, hoping that I might see more of the capital city than just the airport. It was nearly two hours drive from where we were living, but he had a Jeep, so there was no reason we couldn't go.

"I have to work, Bella." There was no apology, no suggestion of another time to make the trip, nothing. Just a no.

I sighed, wondering, not for the first time, why I had made the trip to Kenya if I was going to spend the entirety of my time there in the apartment.

"Both days?" I asked, hoping against hope that he'd see how much I wanted to spend time with him and make some sort of effort.

"Yes," he replied. "There is a lot of work, Bella. I can't just take time off to have fun, I'm needed here."

I couldn't speak to answer him, so I just nodded and rose from the couch, walking into the bedroom without kissing him goodnight. I laid down in our bed and cried myself to sleep, wishing that Edward could understand that the citizens of this small village were not the only ones who needed him.

On Saturday morning of that same week, I woke up after Edward had left the apartment, as was the usual, and went into the kitchenette to make myself some breakfast. That was when I saw that there was a note attached to the refrigerator, a note that would crush my heart just a little bit more:

_Clinic called – they didn't need me today. Went to a festival in Nairobi with a few friends. I'll be back sometime tomorrow._

The moment I'd seen that note, I'd been completely speechless. Once again, Edward had shown me that what I wanted did not matter. The recollection of that memory, however, didn't make me feel as bad as how I had felt when it actually occurred. I just pushed away the bad memories and focused instead on that fact that, while my husband might not want to spend time with me, there were at least two people who did. I smiled as I realized that Alice and Jasper _had_ made time with me a priority. It was something that I wasn't used to, and I couldn't deny how nice it felt.

That was the moment that I realized that I wanted Alice and Jasper to know that they were special to me as well, even if we were just friends who had sex. I didn't want to bring them into the bed I'd shared with Edward. I wanted to be with them in a place with no bad memories, no ghosts of what had come before, and no guilt. So I decided that, after work the next day, I was going furniture shopping.

I finished work early the next day and left the office in the early afternoon, driving to the biggest furniture store I knew. I wasn't sure what I wanted, really, only that I wanted the new bedroom to be _mine_. My house had always been decorated by my mother-in-law, Esme Cullen. She was a fantastic interior designer, there was no question about that, but she decorated with Edward in mind, not Edward and Bella.

In her defense, that was as much my fault as anyone's. She _had_ asked me what I would like in the house, but I'd always deferred to Edward. It was something that had become a habit with me in the years since we'd met, I realized. For eight years now, I'd been doing everything the way Edward wanted, watching and listening to what Edward preferred, even dressing in the clothes that he liked best. I hadn't really thought about it before, but the simple act of trying to choose a bed had opened my eyes to a very important fact: I had become Edward's Bella, and in the process, forgotten who Bella was. And that was the reason that I was walking aimlessly around the bedroom section of this enormous furniture store with no idea what I wanted.

I continued to stroll from aisle to aisle, hoping that something would jump out at me, screaming my name and insisting that it was the perfect representation of who I was.

And then it happened.

Ok, there was no jumping or arm waving or screaming. But when I saw the model bedroom setup as I walked around the corner, I knew.

It was a while bed, with four posters that nearly reached the ceiling. Gauzy white curtains hung down from the bars that joined the posters at their tops, and it was covered with overstuffed pillows and a fluffy comforter, and there was a vanity table, dresser, nightstands, and even a chest to match. It was so feminine. It reminded me of the bed of a princess in a Disney movie.

Edward would absolutely hate it.

I stared at it anyway, imagining how it would look in my house. And then I imagined how Jasper and Alice would look laying in it with me. And how Alice would look, her wrists and ankles tied with brightly-colored scarves, stretched out in all directions, bound to each of the four posters while Jasper and I kissed and licked and nibbled and teased and fucked her.

I turned around and walked directly to the customer service counter and found an employee. "I'd like to purchase the bedroom set right over here please," I said with a smile.

_I just bought a new bed. It's gorgeous. It'll look even better next weekend when you're in it._

I sent the text to both Jasper and Alice with a smile, attaching a picture of the model bedroom I'd just purchased to the text.

_That bed would be very good to tie someone to. Just sayin._

I laughed when I saw that his first reaction to the bed had been so similar to my own.

_Why do you think I bought it? ;)_

_You are a dangerous woman, Bella Swan. _

_ You have no idea, J. ;)_

_ I'm starting to... Gotta go, baby. Time to drive. TTYS._

Alice's reply came only a moment later.

_That's beautiful. How soon will you have it?_

_ They said they could deliver it tomorrow before I have to leave for the airport. Hopefully it will work out. I can't wait to try it out with you...I'm dying to have my mouth on you again._

I set my phone on the counter so I could sign the receipt for the credit card payment on the bed. I'd bought the full bedroom set, including the vanity, nightstands for either side of the bed, and the dresser. I probably hadn't had such a girly room in...ever, really. I never thought of myself as much of a girly-girl, but I knew the second I saw it that this was _my _bedroom.

Somewhere in the back of my head, though, I was already thinking of it as _our_ bedroom. The our meaning Jasper's, Alice's, and mine. But that was a very dangerous thought, and not one I should be having. So I ignored it.

Ignoring was really an excellent way to deal with things – I would know. I'd been doing it with my problems with Edward for years now.

I was thanking my salesperson one last time with my text alert sounded.

_Mmmm and I'm dying to see if you taste better than you did on my fingers._

My panties were instantly soaked. And once again, I moaned in public. I was going to have to start wearing a wig and big sunglasses when I went outside, so that no one could recognize me, otherwise I'd never be able to show my face in public again.

I supposed that not sending sexy text messages while I was in public places (or had company at my house) was also an option, but that wasn't really a realistic suggestion – even if I wasn't texting them, I'd be thinking about them. So the wig was clearly the only way...

In an attempt to find a compromise, I walked out of the store and sat down in my car before responding.

_-shivers- You have no idea how wet you just made me. Holy hell babe._

_ What can I say? Never really was interested in how a woman tasted. But babe, you're delicious._

She might not realize it, but she'd never said anything sexier to me. I knew, without a doubt, that I would be getting myself off to the thought of her mouth on me tonight.

_It's not something I thought about often... Well, until you. Now I can't stop._

It was true. I'd been with a woman once before, nearly a decade ago. But other than checking out a celebrity here and there, and perhaps noticing some especially lovely boobs on occasion, I hadn't really thought about women much at all.

_I'm in the same boat babe. It's going to be great seeing each other again._

_ It sure is babe. I can't wait._

_ Me either sweetie._

I arrived back at my house with a smile on my face. Jasper and Alice's use of pet names had not slipped by without my notice, and I loved it. My head was still swimming with thoughts of her mouth and what it would feel like on my pussy. Images of 69s and oral triangles were right there in the mix.

Walking into the house, I decided that, even if it wasn't even dinner time yet, it was not too early to start enjoying my last night in my old bed. I stripped off my shoes and clothes and laid down naked on top of the deep blue bed sheets. Images already filling my mind, I was just about to touch myself for the first time when the phone rang. Looking down at the display, I saw a picture of Alice and I that we'd taken on the Las Vegas strip, the image letting me know that it was Alice who was calling.

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to not sound so completely aroused, I pressed the button to accept the call and said hello. What I heard back from Alice was definitely not the greeting I expected.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter; I'd love to hear your thoughts. I send out previews in my review replies. Until next week. You know...Always.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: S. Meyer owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A huge thank you to Karmabalance, who is my amazing pre-reader. You're wonderful, sweets.**

_Taking a deep breath in an attempt to not sound so completely aroused, I pressed the button to accept the call and said hello. What I heard back from Alice was definitely not the greeting I expected. _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 10**

"Fuck, Jasper," Alice moaned into the phone as I said hello. "Mmmm, Bella baby..."

_Oh. My. God. They are fucking right now._

I whimpered into the phone, that being the only sound I seemed able to make.

"God, baby, he's fucking me so hard," Alice rasped, her voice sounding farther away now and a bit muffled. The addition of the slapping sounds – what I could only assume was their flesh meeting each time Jasper thrust into her – didn't help with the sound quality, but certainly assisted in raising my desire to an uncontrollable level.

"What are you doing, Bella? Are you going to join us?" Jasper asked in response to my lusty moan.

"Already am," I panted as I let two fingers slide into me. I pulled them back out immediately, and used the wetness they'd gathered to coat my clit as I rubbed circles over it. Despite the very short length of the phone call so far, I was so intensely aroused that I doubted it would take me long to come.

"I want you here, sweetie," Alice said, her voice already quivering. If I hadn't heard her come several times before, I'd think that she was overcome by emotion right now. But I knew that tone. Alice was close.

"I want to be there with you too," I whispered into the phone. "I want to feel you again."

Jasper grunted and breathed heavily as he continued his work. I imagined the sweat forming on his back, sliding down his spine drop by drop. I remembered, as I pumped my fingers in and out of myself, the way he felt inside me; the way he seemed to fill me completely, so that I could feel every bit of him as it rubbed against my walls. I'd only been with him once, but the feeling had been so incredible that I was sure I could never forget it.

And then Alice said the words that brought me back to what I'd been fantasizing about before her call.

"I wish you were in front of me right now, so I could lick your sweet pussy until the flush came over your chest and … oh fuck, Jasper! … you screamed for me. I want to hear you scream, Bella."

My body shook and the phone fell from my shoulder, where I'd been trying my best to keep it perched. Wave after wave of pure pleasure flooded over me, my body trembling uncontrollably. I didn't scream, but instead whispered the word 'fuck' so softly that I could barely hear it myself. Squeezing my eyes shut as my back arched off of the mattress, I listened as Jasper made that growly groan that told me he was coming too. And Alice... Oh my god, Alice was crying out, her voice even higher-pitched than usual and breathless as she yelled "fuck" over and over.

A few seconds later, I fell limp against my mattress, still panting heavily, eyes still closed. "Well, hello to you too," I said in a raspy voice, with a slight laugh.

Awhile later, after a short post-coital nap, I rose from my bed, put on a pair of yoga pants and a t shirt, and went into the kitchen to put together a light dinner. I popped some chicken strips into the toaster oven and poured some salad mix from a bag onto a plate, then sat down to check my email while I waited for the chicken to heat up.

While I was deleting the mess of spam I'd received, my cell rang. I reached over to pick it up and saw a picture of my best friend, Victoria. I immediately felt guilty – I hadn't spoken to her once since I'd gotten home from Vegas.

"Hey V," I greeted.

"Bella! Hey, I thought maybe you'd dropped dead or something," she said, her voice laced with sarcasm.

"Hoped, maybe," I teased.

"Never."

"I'm sorry. I've been a real shit friend. I had so much shit to do since I got back from my trip, I've barely had a chance to sit down."

I felt terrible not being completely honest with her. It wasn't something I'd ever done before. But I wasn't ready to confess to anyone, not even my best friend, what I'd done. It didn't help at all that James, Victoria's douchemonkey ex-husband, had cheated on her while they were married. It had hurt Victoria immensely, even though there was nothing she could have done to prevent it – she'd caught James on his knees in front of their good friend, Laurent, one night when she unexpectedly came home from work early. In some way, I felt like telling Vic the truth would not only hurt her by reminding her of bad memories, but maybe make her think less of me as well. Vic meant so much to me; I really didn't want to lose her.

And that was how I rationalized not being honest with my friend. Because I wanted her to trust me. The irony was not lost on me.

"Don't worry about it, B. Just tell me about your trip! How was Vegas?"  
I smiled as the memories filled my head. "I had a great time, Vic. Jasper and Alice are fantastic, and Vegas was amazing. There is nothing like that city in the world, I'm sure."

"That's what I've heard," Victoria replied. "I'm glad you had a good time. So when are we going to get together? I miss you!"

Vic and I didn't get to see each other very often since she'd moved to Phoenix. It was only about an two hours to drive, but it was out of the way enough that we were resigned to only seeing each other once or twice a month these days.

I opened the calendar application on my macbook as I thought about when we could see each other.

"Do you have plans this weekend?" she asked.

"Sorry, Vic, this weekend is no good. I've got a conference in LA for work. And next weekend is out too," I added, thinking of my plans with my lovers. "Maybe the one after?"

"Yeah, that'll work," she agreed.

"So, what's new with you?" I asked, ready to turn the conversation away from me and my secrets. Unfortunately, my thoughts did not follow the change in topic.

It was Alice who had requested that we keep our relationship hidden, and I was doing my best to do as she asked. As far as I was concerned, though, lying by omission or technicality was just as bad as any other kind of lie. Keeping something this big from Victoria took me back to the last time I'd been part of a huge secret.

I'd always considered myself an honest person, for the most part. I didn't always give my mother the whole story, but with my friends, I was generally an open book. When Edward and I got involved, though, I got my first real experience in secret keeping.

It hadn't been _my _choice to keep secrets. My parents met Edward fairly early in our relationship, as soon as I knew that I was serious about him. They were not thrilled, to say the least. Renee insisted that she got a bad vibe from Edward, and Charlie, my dad, said that he didn't trust him, and swore that Edward wasn't good enough for me.

I rolled my eyes at their reaction. They were my parents, and therefore would never like anyone that I brought home; that was my theory. Not to mention I knew Edward much better than they did, since they'd met him once and I'd been dating him for months.

Ignoring my parents' reaction, we continued to date. Edward, a month later, would use Renee and Charlie's disapproval against me, citing it as his reason for not wanting to introduce me to his parents. We dated over a year before I learned that, not only had I not met them, but they had no idea that I existed. It would be another year before they knew, actually. In fact, the day that Edward finally introduced me to his parents, three days after we returned from a quickie wedding in Reno, was the day that they found out who Bella Swan was.

I'd never been comfortable with the hiding. The fact that my boyfriend didn't want to admit that he was dating me always left me feeling like I wasn't worthy of him.

Edward and I were unequal in so many ways. He came from money, and I didn't have much of it to speak of. My father was the police chief of a small town and my mother a kindergarten teacher. He drove a fancy car, I had a beat up pick-up truck. He was incredibly handsome, I was just average. He was the star of our university track team, I was the klutz who tripped over him in yoga class.

The truth was, I _knew_ I wasn't worthy of Edward. I just hated that he knew it too.

After a bit more conversation, during which I was paying much less attention than I should have, lost in memories as I was, I hung up from my call with Victoria. I felt a gnawing discomfort in my belly. I was hiding Jasper and Alice from my best friend, just as Edward had hidden me. I wasn't ashamed of them, though, or of what we had done. And even though it was at Alice's request, part of me worried that I'd make them feel that way.

Even worse, I wondered if she felt that way about me.

I put my salad back in the refrigerator and wrapped the chicken strips in foil. I was no longer in the mood to eat.

I woke up early the next morning, still not in a great mood. My phone call with Victoria and the thoughts it had stirred up in me had left me feeling rather uncomfortable, and I'd tossed and turned half the night. It was really not the best way to start a day of travel.

I gathered the bags I'd packed the night before and drove myself to the airport, leaving my car in the long-term lot, and then walked in to check in for my flight. Once I reached the terminal, I seriously considered getting a drink from the bar. And then I realized that it wasn't even eight in the morning yet, so the bar was closed.

There was always alcohol on the plane...

I sighed, hating the mood I was in. I knew Jasper was awake, since he was already at work, so I decided to send him a message, hoping that hearing from him would cheer me up a little.

_At the airport. My flight is to LA, but I'm seriously contemplating hopping one to Vegas... I miss you._

_ I wish you were coming here too... Just eight days more, baby._

He was counting the days until he saw me. I didn't even try to stop the grin that spread across my lips at that realization. I loved knowing that he was as excited for us to be together again as I was.

_ I can't wait. I hope the time passes quickly. _

_ Me too. I can wait to try out your new bed. =)_

And just as I had hoped, Jasper had cheered me up.

_ Mmmm...sounds good. Oh crap...Time for boarding. TTYS?_

_ Yeah, text me when you land so I know you're safe._

I found my seat on the plane and settled into it, placing my carry-on bag under the seat in front of me and my macbook in the seat-back pocket. The airlines I was traveling offered free in-flight internet access, and I had every intention of taking advantage of it.

Just as I was preparing to turn off my iphone to store it in my bag for the flight, the text alert sounded.

_Have you left yet, or did I catch you in time?_

Smiling, I replied to Alice. _The flight attendants will start the safety demo soon. I have a few minutes._

_ I just wanted to tell you to have a safe flight. It's going to be hard this weekend. I'll miss you so much._

I'd already let Alice know that I'd have very little time available to talk while I was in Los Angeles. I had several workshops to attend, as well as some research to do for some articles I was writing for the paper, and one I was hoping to send to a magazine for publishing. I couldn't afford to be distracted all weekend, and, if I wanted to be sent to more conferences in the future, I had to pay attention at this one. Alice and Jasper severely impaired my ability to do that.

I hated that I'd have less time to talk to them, but I knew, as did they, that this was an important career opportunity for me.

_I'll miss you too. But I want you and J to have fun, ok? We have next weekend to look forward to, right? _

_ Definitely. _

Her reply arrived just as the flight attendants began walking up the aisles making sure everyone was prepared for take off.

_Time to fly, baby. TTYS. -kisses-_

I switched off my phone and slipped it into my bag, then settled back to enjoy my flight.

A few hours later, I was in my hotel room, showered and dressed for the conference. I was attending a writing workshop led by several news writers from the top publications in the country. It was an excellent learning experience, as well as a great opportunity for networking.

I had big hopes of moving to a bigger market at some point in the near future. I'd mentioned it to Edward just before we graduated from college, but he'd insisted that it was better to stay in my small suburban town in Arizona where I would stand out more than going to a big city where I'd just be one of the crowd. It seemed like good logic, at the time.

Now, though, it just seemed like he was holding me back from bigger and better opportunities. I really believed that I could be more than a small-town journalist, and I wanted the opportunity to try. I didn't see any reason not to take a chance. It wasn't as if Edward had a good job in Arizona that was keeping us there...

I looked in the mirror again, assessing my appearance. I couldn't see any way in which to improve it, so I sat down again. I was ready to go uncharacteristically early, so I figured I'd check my email before I went downstairs for the workshop.

Logging in to my gmail account, I saw that Alice was signed in and sent her an instant message saying hello and asking how her day had been.

_-groan- Not good. Funny that when I say I'm being treated like dog shit, Lauren pops right up after ignoring me all morning. Really, am I in high school?_

Lauren was Alice's best friend. She was part of our internet circle as well, but I really didn't like her much. Truthfully, I didn't know her, but the few times I'd ever tried to chat with her, she'd ignored me, so I tended to write her off as a stuck-up bitch. But she mattered to Alice, so I had to try to be nice about her.

_I'm sorry babe. J said she was all over him yesterday, but only after he talked to me. I don't know what her issue is. _

_ I do. She's jealous of you. If she knew what really happened, she'd want to trade places in a heartbeat. That's just her._

_ -laughs- Believe me, if a lot of people knew, they'd want to take my place. I'm a lucky girl._

_ We're lucky too, babe. Wait, who else wants J?_

I was confused by her reaction. Why did she only ask who wanted Jasper, and not who wanted her, or them?

_LOL, I didn't mean that exactly. I just mean I'm lucky enough to be having crazy hot sex with the two of you. Who wouldn't want to be me right now?_

I hoped that the reminder that I was with them both would be enough to push away whatever thoughts were in her head. I wanted her just as much as I did him. I mean, this whole...whatever it was...began because I was so desperate to kiss _her_. I didn't want her to doubt that. I relaxed again when I saw her next response, figuring that I had just over-reacted or misunderstood.

_Oh, I see. A lot of people say they want to have a threesome, but I think most would wimp out._

_ I'm not a wimp. :)_

_ Don't I know it? -laughs- _

_ -smiles- Oh well, let Lauren be jealous. Ignore her for now. We're grown ups, she'll get over it. Until then, _I'll_ be nice to you..._

_ You're a dirty girl, Bella Swan. Don't you have a conference to be getting to?_

I sighed as I looked at the clock, realizing just how right she was. Being ready early hadn't helped me at all once I'd fallen into my recent habit of getting myself distracted by my...Alice.

_I'm going, I'm going... Tell J I said hi. Kiss each other for me._

Several hours later, I returned to my room with the slightest bit of a buzz after having dinner and drinks with several of the other reporters from the conference, including one whose name I'd recognized immediately as a well-known columnist from the LA Times. The alcohol buzz was combining nicely with the career high I was riding, and I quickly stripped down to my panties and camisole and slipped into the bed with my macbook, hoping I might catch Jasper and Alice still online, despite the lateness of the hour.

Signing into gmail once again, I noticed an email from the social network site where my circle of friends had all met, announcing a friend request.

Opening the email, I saw that it was from Lauren Mallory.

What the actual fuck?

Noticing that Alice was signed in, I sent an instant message.

_Lauren sent me a friend request. Did you know that?_

_ No... Did you accept it?_

_ No. Haven't done anything yet._

_ It's up to you. Accept or deny at will. You know she's dying to know what's going on with us._

I rolled my eyes at the thought. _I'm sure she is._ _I don't know what to think – she friended me for awhile before, but always ignored me._

_ Oh, but now...Now you're interesting because I talk to you and stuff. She's like a toddler; she wants me for herself and doesn't like when I have outside friends._

I didn't like that at all. I had long ago come to terms with the fact that there were a ridiculous number of people who only found me worth talking to because I was married to Edward Cullen. I hated it, but I put up with it. This situation was just a reminder to me that sometimes you deal with things (or in this case, people) that you don't like for the people that mattered to you.

_Oh, I love people like that! -cue epic eye roll- _

I felt guilty immediately.

_I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk about your friend like that._

_ That's ok. I understand how you feel. Her behavior drives me crazy too, but she's always been there for me, and she does have some redeeming qualities._

I didn't know much about Alice's history with Lauren, just what I'd picked up through conversations, the essence being that Lauren had entered Alice's life at a time when Alice desperately needed someone, and had been her rock ever since. I wanted to like Lauren because she'd made Alice happy, even if she was annoying her (and therefore me) at the moment.

_I'm sure she does. I'll approve her, because otherwise I'll look like a bitch. But she gets the same treatment as anyone else – if she ignores me again, I'll take her back off. _

_ Oh trust me, she will not ignore you. Be prepared for her to want to be your new best friend._

_ Good to know. I'll give her a fair chance... I'm really a rather nice person after all._

_ Oh yeah. We know just how nice you can be!  
-giggles- I wasn't planning on being quite _that _nice..._

_ No, you can't be that nice to her, it would be very bad. I think she'd be like a barnacle... you couldn't shake her!_

Yeah, I was never going to understand Alice's relationship with Lauren, that was for sure.

_LMAO... We are so going to hell._

_ But what a ride babe!_

I chatted with Alice a little bit longer before she announced her need for sleep – Jasper had already been in bed for a couple of hours. I was disappointed that I'd missed him, but glad to have had a chance to chat with my girl, even if we hadn't shared any sexy time. Impressively, it was probably the first time since my trip to Vegas that we'd passed a day without it.

After saying goodnight to my girl, I returned for a moment to my email to see if there was anything else interesting. After deleting the random junk mail, there was one unread message left, from Jasper.

I opened the message, and a huge grin spread across my face as I saw that the email had an audio file attached.

_B – Recorded this today. I thought you'd like to hear. Hopefully I can play it for you on skype soon. It's not perfect, and the audio quality has that awful "I recorded this on my crappy computer" sound to it, but it's something. Don't be too hard on me. -J_

I shook my head as I read the message. Jasper was much harder on himself than I ever could be, and I laughed at the fact that his gift had come complete with apologies. Some day, I hoped I could make him understand that I didn't need his playing to be perfect in order to enjoy it. I loved listening to him play. Even more, I loved that he played _for me._ I had my own personal rockstar, giving me private concerts. How lucky could a girl get?

I pressed the play button on the audio file and made sure that the volume on my macbook was all the way up before I leaned back against the pillows.

The first notes began to play. It was a simple melody. Well, it sounded like it, but I imagined that it was much more complicated to play than it let on. He played through a short introduction, and then the vocals began.

I felt like I couldn't breathe. My eyes closed of their own accord and I let myself get lost in the music. His voice was so smooth, and it pulled me in. I felt like I was wrapped in it, and as he sang the melody through the ups and downs in the notes, my breath seemed to follow him.

The song he was singing was another cover, this time Amos Lee's "What's Been Goin' On." It was a song that I'd heard several times before, and enjoyed, but I was sure I'd never listen to again. Jasper's version, in my honest opinion, had eclipsed it.

I played it again, and then again, as caught up in it each time as I'd been the first. Jasper had captured the heart of the song in his voice, and, in the process, captured me. I saved the audio file into my iTunes and pressed play again, this time clicking the button to play the song on continuous repeat. Then I laid down in the bed, my macbook by my side, and let Jasper sing me to sleep.

**A/N: I'd love to hear what you thought of this chapter. I truly love reading your reviews, and I send previews with my replies. See you next Tuesday. You know. Always.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: S. Meyer owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A big thanks, as always, goes to Karmabalance, for being my pre-reader and sounding board. **

**It was one year ago tomorrow that I first heard the voice that would change my life. I was so caught up in it that first night, and I've been lost in it ever since. I am so grateful that he shared his talent, and his love, with me. You know. **

_ Then I laid down in the bed, my macbook by my side, and let Jasper sing me to sleep._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 11**

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my iphone alarm, which was blaring and obnoxious and made me think of a nuclear meltdown. It was nowhere near as pleasant as the sound of Jasper's singing voice, which I melted back into as it was still playing from the speakers of my macbook.

Waking up to the sound of his sexy voice seemed like an excellent way to start a day.

After turning off the alarm, I sent Jasper a text.

_Thank you so much for the song. I love it. Absolutely beautiful. _

I slipped into the bathroom to freshen up a little while I waited for his response. Walking back into the bedroom, I retrieved my shampoo and conditioner, as well as my favorite body wash and a razor from my suitcase, and then carried it back to the bathroom, setting it on the counter.

I was just about to turn on the water when the text alert sounded.

_=) You're welcome. I'm glad you liked it. I wish I had better equipment to record..._

_ J, quit being hard on yourself. I'm so glad you sent it to me. I had it playing all night..._

_ Really?_

_ Yeah. Couldn't stop listening, so I let you sing me to sleep. You're amazing, J. Really._

_ You're sweet._

I shook my head and turned on the water. Jasper clearly had no idea how talented he was. I again hoped that somehow I could prove it to him.

_Not sweet; honest. Well, maybe sweet too... -giggles-_

_ =) Well thank you. It's all so new to me still – you know, singing. Even playing for anyone to hear is kinda new. Well, doing it solo is. _

_ I guess I get to be your first fan, then. I think I like that. I feel very special. -grins- I gotta get in the shower, baby. TTYS_

_ You are special, but you're also mean...Now I'll can't stop thinking about you in the shower..._

I giggled as I saw his text right before I tossed my camisole onto the bathroom counter and stepped into the shower. I may or may not have felt a little smug.

Forty minutes later, I was dressed and ready to go. I had two big workshops to attend, one in the morning and one after lunch, and then the conference would be over, other than the good-bye breakfast the following morning. The workshop this morning was probably the most significant of the weekend, in terms of my job, and so I didn't want to be late.

I did, however, want to let Alice know that she'd been on my mind.

_Good morning, babe. Woke up wanting to smash the alarm clock – it woke me from a dream about kissing you. Wish I was doing that now, but instead I'm off to learn about alternative leads. Have __a good day, Ali. _

Picking up my bag, I slipped my phone into the front pocket and headed down the hall to take the elevator down to the first floor conference room.

Ali's reply came right as I was turning the sound off on my phone to enter the workshop.

_I can't wait to kiss you either. Have a good day, sweetie. I miss you._

The second day at the conference was very productive, and I was even able to go out to do some research on Rodeo Drive for the article I was working on during the break between the two workshops. After the afternoon program ended, there was a dinner for all the attendees, during which I sat, once again, with the woman I'd met the day before. She offered me her card just before we left the dining room, and I returned to my room feeling nearly giddy over the career contact I'd just made,

_Had a great day at the conference. Made friends with a woman who could prove really important in the future. Flying back home tomorrow, then I'll be busy getting the house ready for your visit. Can't wait to see you both. _

A few minutes later, I got a text back from Alice.

_J already fell asleep – he picked up an extra shift today and was really tired. Glad you had a good time. I'm writing with Lauren and a few others right now, then I'm off to bed too. _

I wasn't even going to comment on the fact that everything was apparently back to normal with Lauren again. I just shrugged my shoulders and assumed that they had one of those love-hate kind of friendships.

_Alright then, good luck writing. Hope it goes well. I'll text you tomorrow from the airport or maybe find you on gchat while we're in flight. -kisses-_

_ Sleep well, sweetie. Good night._

The next morning, as I was placing the shampoo and other last minute items into my travel bag, I heard my cell ringing from the bedroom. I ran in to grab it, arriving just before the ring that would have sent the call to voice mail.

"Hello?" I asked, without even having had a chance to look at the caller ID.

"Bella, dear, how are you?" came the warm, kind voice of my mother-in-law.

I immediately felt awkward. Esme Cullen was one of the sweetest, most generous, and kind women I'd ever met in my life. She had immediately welcomed me into her family despite the secretive and shocking way in which I'd entered it. I genuinely liked her, and enjoyed spending time with her – she tended to make me feel as loved and cared for as if I was her own child.

But now, now that I was cheating on her son and having a relationship of which I was sure she'd never approve, I felt ashamed to talk to her. I'd really be much more sad about losing Esme than I would Edward, but I knew, considering what I was doing these days, letting go of one meant losing them both.

What I didn't know, however, was how to carry on a conversation with her as if nothing was wrong.

"Hi Esme," I said, hoping the discomfort couldn't be heard in my voice. "I'm doing alright. I'm in Los Angeles at the moment... Work conference. I'll be leaving for the airport soon."

"How was your conference?"  
We talked for a few minutes about the conference, and my job, and her decorating business before the subject went to the place I'd been hoping it wouldn't.

"So Bella, dear, I was thinking. It's been so long since Edward's been back home. I bet you've missed him as much as I have. Why don't the two of us take a trip to Kenya together?"

I inhaled sharply, wracking my brain in hopes of finding a valid excuse for why I couldn't make the trip.

"I'm actually really busy with work right now, Esme. I have a few projects that I am working on that I going to try to get published in magazines... And Edward is so busy there...It's probably just better to wait till he has time off. Last time I went, I barely saw him at all anyway." I was reaching, clearly. But Esme was also a doctor's wife, and understood what that meant. She had, for many years, endured Carlisle's long hours away from home. It wasn't the best excuse ever, I knew that. I just hoped she'd go for it.

"Hmm..." mused my mother-in-law. "I suppose that's true. I just hate to think of you there in that house all alone all the time."

_Oh dear, sweet Esme... I won't be alone much longer._

"I'm okay, Esme, really. I have work to keep my busy and my friends to keep me company. Plus my mom and Phil just live a short ways away from me."

"I suppose that's true. Still, maybe I should come down there to see you. I could catch a flight out on Friday after work. How does that sound?"  
"No!" I answered, much too quickly. And emphatically. _Crap._ "I mean, no, I'm really okay. Victoria is coming to visit, and I have an article to finish..." I made my excuses, but realized that I was going to hurt Esme's feelings. I didn't want to do that. "Maybe another time, though?"

"Sure, Bella," Esme said. I could hear the smile in her voice. Mission accomplished. "And who knows, dear, maybe we can convince Edward to make a trip home sooner rather than later. It's very hard to give me grandchildren when you're not on the same continent..."

My stomach hit the floor, and I put my hand over my mouth, trying to keep from vomiting.

"Yeah, it really is," I stuttered. "I have to go now, Esme. I need to check out and get to the airport." My voice was mechanical and I didn't even wait to hear her response before I hung up the phone.

I don't have any memory of checking out of the hotel, or the taxi to the airport. Walking through the terminals of LAX was a blur of colors and voices. I was bumped and jostled several times, but I barely even noticed. I just kept walking forward, like a zombie, until I got to my gate, then waited there silently until my boarding group was called.

The next thing I knew, I was thirty-five thousand feet in the air in a metal tube, asking the flight attendant for a cup of apple juice and a little bottle of Bacardi.

She'd had to ask me what I wanted to drink twice before I'd even heard her, as lost in memories as I was. Poor Esme had not intended to upset me so much; it wasn't her fault at all, really, considering she had no idea why I would be bothered by the idea of having children with Edward.

It was an extremely sensitive subject for me, though. And the reason for that had completely taken over my mind.

It was thirty-seven months ago when the little plus sign appeared on the pregnancy test. I cried tears of joy at the little pink symbol, the one that told me that my life was going to change forever. I could hardly believe that Edward and I were going to become parents, and other than the tinge of nervousness that I pushed to the back of my mind, I'd never been happier in my life.

I was so anxious to tell Edward the wonderful news that I raced around our apartment all afternoon, putting every random object in it's place and dusting and vacuuming every room. I even changed the sheets on our bed and, about twenty minutes before Edward was due home, I filled our bedroom with lit candles. I thought for sure that this night would rival our wedding night.

It did not.

Not even close.

Edward came home that night with news of his own. He'd attended a meeting that day, during which I'd thought that he was going to sign a contract to become an attending physician at the hospital. He'd signed a contract, all right.

To go to Kenya.

That news sort of took the wind out of my sails. I told him about the pregnancy, though rather than being completely excited, I was shrouded in uncertainty. Was I going to have a baby without him?

Rather than be excited, Edward seemed put out by my announcement. "This really isn't a good time," he'd said. Not that there was anything I could really do about that _now._

We fought; I was hurt and angry at his reaction, as well as the fact that he'd decided to go to Africa without even mentioning it to me. He slept on the couch that night, while I returned to the bedroom, blew out all the candles, and cried into my pillows.

Two months later, Edward received a phone call at 4:27am local time in his small village outside of Nairobi. It was Renee who broke the news to him; I couldn't stop sobbing long enough to tell my husband that I had just had a miscarriage. Our baby was gone.

It was one of the worst experiences in my life, harder even than when my father, Charlie, was shot in the line of duty and nearly died, the time to which I had previously given that qualification. I laid in bed for weeks, inconsolable. Victoria and Renee sat by my side for hours on end, trying to get me to talk or eat. I never did. Charlie flew down from Washington state, where he lived, and tried his best too. He was my favorite person to be around, because he never tried to make me feel better, he just held me in his arms, running his hand over my hair, and let me cry.

Edward never came home.

I don't know when exactly I started crying, but the woman sitting next to me on the flight handed me a kleenex and rested her hand on my forearm.

"Are you alright?"

I shook my head, taking the tissue from her and wiping my eyes and nose. "I'm sorry," I said softly. "I was just remembering something..."

The woman next to me, I noticed as I looked up to give her my apology, was beautiful. She had russet-colored skin, long, silky black hair, and deep, almost black eyes. Her full lips, a dark dusty rose color, spread into a sympathetic smile.

"Would you like to talk about it? It's a long flight, and I'm a good listener." She lifted her hand off my hand and offered it to me. "My name is Leah."

Slightly unsure, but hopeful, I took her hand and shook it. "If you're sure," I said, my voice cracking a little. "It's not a very happy story."

Leah nodded. "Why don't you start with your name?"

Leah listened attentively as I described the miscarriage to her, and the pain that I'd carried with me every since. When I was done, she leaned in and gave me an awkward sideways hug.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I can't imagine what it must be like for you, to have been so close to having a child and then lost it. But I can sympathize a little bit, I think. You see, I have a story of my own..."

Leah went on to tell me her story, which was heartbreaking. She'd fallen in love with Sam in high school, and thought for sure they'd be together forever. It wasn't until their sophomore year in college that Sam had met Leah's cousin, Emily. He claimed it was love at first sight. For Leah, it was the end. Heartbroken and furious, she'd driven away from the apartment she shared with Sam, not knowing where she was going, so long as it was away from him. Unfortunately, she'd driven a little too fast, and lost control of her car. Five days later, Leah woke up in the intensive care unit of a major hospital in Phoenix, only to learn from the doctors that she'd sustained massive internal injuries in the accident and would never be able to have children.

"I moved to Los Angeles as soon as I left the hospital. I had a friend who lived there, and I just knew that I couldn't bear the thought of returning to the reservation and seeing the pity on everyone's faces," she explained. "This is my first time going back in five years."

Leah and I exchanged numbers and made plans to try to get together while she was in Arizona, and talked a little more, and then I noticed her eyelids getting heavy.

"Thank you so much for talking to me," I said. "But you're tired. Take a rest, I have in-flight wifi and emails to catch up on."

She smiled and agreed, then lowered her seat back a bit to settle in for a nap. While Leah was getting comfortable beside me, I pulled my macbook out of my bag and then lowered my tray table, organizing my drink and computer in front of me.

Once the internet connection was established, I logged on to gchat. As I had hoped, Alice was logged in as well.

_I was hoping you'd be here._

_ Hey sweetie. We're in the car driving home from a day in the mountains. How's your trip going?_

_ I'm on the plane now. Having a really bad day. I can't wait to see you again._

In my head, I was already connecting Alice and Jasper with happiness. I wanted to be with them again because I was sure that I'd feel better if they were around. Part of me questioned whether this was a dangerous thought process, but I immediately wrote it off. After all, we were friends, and friends always made each other feel better. Right?

_Hmmm... I'll enjoy seeing you too...all of you...again. Damn, has it really only been a week for us?_

_ A week today. Why does it seem like a month?_

It really did seem like it had been much longer than a week since I'd seen Alice and Jasper. And I missed them. I worried that maybe I wasn't supposed to miss them, until Alice's next message let me know that she was feeling the same way.

_ I know. I feel like we've been apart for so long. I'm sorry you're having a bad day._

_I'm drinking apple juice mixed with Bacardi. Blech. It tastes awful._

_ Ew. Sounds bad. But you know me, I'm a Jack girl._

I did know that. I thought Jack tasted awful myself. I much preferred tequila... Oh wait, hadn't I sworn off tequila already? Good thing I liked rum too...

Just not with apple juice.

Thoughts of tequila, however, took my mind to another place.

_ It tastes really bad. You taste much better._

_ I can only taste what I've kissed off, but I'm sure you taste better than that stuff too. -sigh- I wanna taste. _

_ -shivers- I want you to. Fuck, I want you to babe._

_ I showed Jasper your text, and now he's driving with wood. -giggles- I will have you soon. We both will._

I was completely worked up already. Thoughts of what her lips might feel like all over my body did that to me instantly.

_I'm breathing so hard. It's a good thing the girl next to me is asleep._

_ Hmmm... what can I do to make you breathe even harder? _

_ What do you want to do, babe? -bites lip-_

It was likely a very bad idea to ask Alice something like that while I was in a public place. I should have known better, really. After all, I'd heard how dirty her mind was when she was speaking to us during sexy times, there was no reason to expect less from her use of the written word. I was probably going to embarrass myself on the plane.

I wondered if a person could join the mile high club by themselves...

_Well, right now I was thinking about how hot it was when you were sucking on J's dick. I would love to have my fingers and tongue on you next time._

Oh god, she went straight for my weakness. I had such an oral fixation...

_Mmmm baby...sounds so good. I'm dying to suck him again._

_ I know he'd like that. He really liked watching you go down on me. I think he'll combust to see us go down on each other. Mmmm...so good. _

_ Oh my god. I think I am going to combust just thinking of it._

_ Sorry sweetie. Kids being twatblockers. Must pull over for rest stop. To be continued..._

Evil. Alice was pure evil. I closed my macbook and put my head down on top of it, trying desperately to calm myself down.

Despite being worked up with no relief, Alice _had_ made me feel better by successfully distracting me. I'd also made a new friend, and learned never to mix apple juice with alcohol, so I considered the trip home to be a good one after all.

I texted Jasper to let him know I'd arrived safely, then tucked my iphone back into my purse.

After getting my luggage and my car from the long-term lot, I drove myself home and immediately showered and changed into some cute cotton boy shorts and a camisole for bed. It had been a long day, despite it's improvements, and I was ready for it to end.

Just as I laid down in my new bed for the first time and sighed at how perfectly comfortable the mattress was, the text alert sounded from my phone.

_Hope your day got better. Wishing I could wrap my arms around you and kiss you goodnight. 5 days, sweetie, then I will._

Smiling at the text, I was amazed at how Jasper seemed to know exactly the right thing to say.

_Thanks, J. I wish you were here too - that sounds wonderful. Sleep well, babe. TTYT -kiss-_

Setting my phone on the nightstand, I pulled the fluffy comforter around my shoulders and snuggled into the pillow. That night, rather than the nightmares that normally would have accompanied such a day, I dreamt of Alice and Jasper.

**A/N: If you like previews, I send them in my review replies. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one. See you next week. You know. Always. **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to the awesomeness that is Karmabalance, for all her support with this story. Thanks are also due to my W, JaspersBella, whose killer insights made this chapter even better.**

_ That night, rather than the nightmares that normally would have accompanied such a day, I dreamt of Alice and Jasper._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 12**

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed after a good night's sleep. I couldn't help but wonder, as I was showering off the sweat of my yoga routine, how Jasper had known just what I needed. In the wake of everything that had happened when I'd lost the baby, all I'd ever wanted was to be held. It was the thing I missed most in my life these days – the comfort of a pair of strong arms wrapped around me, protecting me from the world.

Wrapped in my towel, I walked over to my nightstand to pick up my iphone before walking over to the vanity to dry my hair. I took a seat on the stool and texted Jasper.

_Thank you for your text last night – it really made me feel better. I hope you're having a good morning._

I had barely finished brushing out my hair when he replied.

_I'm glad. Ali mentioned you'd had a bad day. I wanted to give you a real hug, but figured a texted one was better than none at all._

Not for the first time, I realized that Jasper was very much like me. He had an empathetic soul – I'd noticed it when we had first started talking: he always seemed to be affected by everyone around him. He never ignored it when he noticed that I was sad – like when I'd shared with him the news that an online friend had died and he'd called, listening to me cry for twenty minutes without every seeming put out. That, by the way, had been fourteen minutes longer than my own husband had given me after the loss of our baby.

_You're a good man, J. I've got to get ready for work, though. TTY at lunch._

_ I try my best, B. Hope your day is better today. Can't wait to see you again. TTYL. _

I actually got some work done that morning, but fantasies about what the weekend might entail flirted with my thoughts the entire time. At one point, I'd distracted myself so completely that, rather than typing a sentence about how the two new cougars seemed to be liking the facilities at the wildlife preserve, I wrote that they were licking each other. Luckily for me, I was a very good self-editor and caught the mistake before I forwarded the file to Eric.

By lunch, however, I was more than ready to see if my lovers' minds were in the same place mine was. It was a very nice spring day in Paradise Valley, so I decided to take the lunch I'd packed and eat in the park across the street from my office. I sent a text to them both as soon as I stepped out of my building.

_Have I ever told you how distracting you are, even when you aren't trying? _

I heard back from Jasper a minute later, just as I was laying my blanket down in the grass.

_I could say the same about you, baby. My boss was talking to me earlier today...said "I want to go down there later." I spent the rest of the morning thinking about going down on you._

I laughed out loud as I read his text. _You are such a perv!_

_ Says you... You know you would have thought the same thing._

I smirked, remembering the cougar article from earlier that morning. He knew me too well already. I took a bite of my sandwich, then texted him back.

_Um... -points to halo, trying to look innocent-_

_ -snorts- That halo is being held up by horns, baby. It's ok, though...I like you that way._

A stray thought that I couldn't stop in time passed through my mind, reminding me that Edward hated that same thing about me. He took offense to almost any comment I made that had sexual connotation, even private things I whispered, expressing my desire for him. He said it wasn't proper for a woman to talk that way.

It felt nice, I thought as I read Jasper's text, not to have to try to hide part of myself.

_And I like you, just as you are. I'm planning to leave the halo off this weekend, by the way._

_ That is a very good idea... I'd just take it off of you if you left it on, though... Right after I took everything else off of you._

I leaned back, letting my back come to rest on the cool cotton blanket, and closed my eyes. In seconds, I was in Vegas, in my lovers' living room, feeling Jasper's hands slide up my back as they pushed my shirt up from behind. I could feel the warm skin of his stomach and chest as he leaned into me. I trembled at the memory that felt so real. When I realized I was getting too caught up, I forced myself to leave the fantasy behind and open my eyes again.

_I can't wait to feel your hands on me again..._

_ God, I can't wait to get them on you...all over you... I want to touch every inch of your body...kiss every inch too._

Oh dear lord, I was putty in this man's hands. I wanted him to know that I felt the same way.

_I want to start at your collarbone and lick all the way up your neck...circle your ear with my tongue...bite the lobe... -remembers how amazing you tasted-_

My heart was pounding in my chest, a deep heavy beat that got harder as the memory of my night in Vegas got even clearer, to the point that I could literally taste Jasper's skin on my tongue.

_Oh god, B...your mouth..._

_ I want my mouth on you, J...everywhere. I want to take my time next time._

I felt my face getting hot as I imagined giving him a proper blow job instead of the hurried, drunken, lustful tease I'd given him last time.

_Fuck, I don't want to go back to work right now... Why the fuck isn't it Saturday yet?_

_ Four days, babe. TTYL_

I set the phone down beside me and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the raging desire that Jasper had built up in me. He had done it with just words, and that thought had me biting my lip as I realized just what actually being together again this weekend might be like.

I had to stop thinking about it, though, or I'd never make it back into my office. I took another deep breath and then sat up, gathering my lunch supplies and putting them in my bag, then rising to fold the blanket.

It wasn't until I was crossing the street to go back to work that I realized that Alice had never replied to my text. I frowned at my phone for a minute, but then shrugged, assuming that I must have just forgotten one of her work shifts.

An hour later, I was editing an article for a coworker at my desk when my phone rang. I picked it up and looked at the screen, grimacing when I recognized the beginning of the long line of digits showing on the caller ID was the country code for Kenya.

Edward.

I sighed heavily before I accepted the call, knowing that it was going to be a very uncomfortable and awkward conversation. They'd been getting more so for awhile now, but after my recent phone call from his mother, I knew that the level of discomfort on my end would certainly be higher than usual.

"Hello, Edward," I said, not even bothering to try to sound excited.

"Love," he replied, his voice equaling mine in animation.

I groaned inwardly, wondering how long things had been like this for us without anyone saying a word about it.

Too long, I knew that. But it would be even longer, I supposed, because I wasn't going to try to fix it today; I had other things...ok, people...on my mind.

"Um... How's Africa?" I didn't actually care. I really kind of hoped Africa was a mosquito-infested hell hole and he'd been bitten by a rabid wild animal. He kind of deserved it, for choosing it over me.

"It's good. I've been working hard. I..."

I went back to editing while he talked about work. I didn't really care what he was doing in Africa. Maybe that made me a bad person, but I just didn't. He talked about saving people, and all I heard was how those people were more important to him than I was. Each time he reminded me of just how little I mattered to him, it felt like a slap in the face. So instead of letting it hurt me, I chose not to pay attention.

It was a common theme in our marriage, really, I was starting to realize: not paying attention.

I started listening again when I heard silence on the other end of the line. "Well, that's good, Edward," I mumbled, assuming he was waiting for a response.

"What?" he said, sounding confused. "I asked you what the big charge on the credit card last week was for."

_Whoops._ My palm connected with my forehead as I realized my mistake. I should have known. Only Edward could be in the middle of nowhere in Africa and still find a way to monitor my spending. "Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you – the connection isn't great today," I offered. "Anyway, the money... Um, I bought a new set for my bedroom. The mattress needed replacing and I really wanted to try a different look."

I didn't need to apologize, nor was I going to do so. We had the money to spare; I knew as well as he did that the expenditure wasn't an issue. He just didn't like it when I made decisions without him.

"Why didn't you ask me first?"

Like I said... I rolled my eyes. "You weren't around to _ask_," I said, pronouncing the word like it tasted bad because, really, it did. "Anyway, you've told me a million times that the money in that account is _ours_, Edward. Mine and yours. You aren't here. Why do you care what the bedroom looks like?"

"My mother decorated that room, Bella. She worked hard on it, and did a wonderful job. Did you even stop to think about her feelings? Or mine? That room was her gift to _us_."

Once again, Edward reminded me that he would consider anyone in the world's feelings before mine. How had I never noticed this before?

"You're right, Edward," I replied angrily. "It _was_ her gift to us. Too bad I'm the only one here to enjoy it. Maybe you should think about how your mother feels about your own lack of appreciation of her gift."

By the end of my tirade, I was spitting the words into the phone venomously. Usually, Edward's desire to make all of our decisions and neglecting to listen to my thoughts just hurt me. This time, though, it was making me angry.

"I am a doctor, Bella. My mother understands what that means. I am sacrificing my own comfort to help others. My _mother_ finds that honorable. I'm sure _she_ would understand."

I didn't like the way he was comparing me so unfavorably to Esme. I knew he was trying to guilt me into agreeing with him, but using my love for his mother was a low blow. But I could use her for my purposes as easily as he could.

"Just like I'm sure Esme would understand the desire to redecorate after a few years, it's not like she doesn't do the same thing in her house. I mean, really, Edward."

The sigh on the other end of the line was one I recognized. It was the "Oh Bella, you're so exasperating" sigh. I replied with a sigh of my own. It was a new one, one I was going to call the "Edward, just leave me alone" sigh.

"Fine, Bella. Enjoy your bed. I have to go anyway."

_Oh don't worry, Edward. I will. _"Bye," I replied, irritated.

"I love you."

_No you don't. _"Yeah," I muttered. "You too." That was as close as I could get to saying words I didn't mean.

I ended the call, setting my phone down and then resting my head on my desk, annoyed that Edward had ruined a perfectly good day for me by reminding me of his existence in my life. I sighed heavily against the cool metal of my desk, and wondered how hard it would be to leave him. I couldn't be sure, but I assumed that it would probably a lot harder than staying with him.

Later that evening, I still hadn't heard from Alice, and was getting a bit uncomfortable about it. When I finished loading my plate in the dishwasher after dinner, I decided to send her another text.

_Hey, I missed you today. Wanna skype tonight?_

She replied a few minutes later. _Yeah, that's fine. We'll give you a call after the kids go to bed._

Knowing I had some time, I cleaned up a little bit, putting a few things in their correct place and hanging up the clean laundry. I'd have to actually clean for real in the next few days – I wanted the house to look good when Jasper and Alice arrived, even though I knew they wouldn't be spending much time looking around during their visit – but I wasn't quite ready to start with that.

When all of my clothes were put away, I pulled my big bath towel off of my closet door and walked into the bathroom in the hall, carrying my macbook with me. I set it down on the counter and turned on the bath water, making sure that it was hot enough before I plugged the drain and poured in the bubbles. While I waited for the tub to fill, I returned to the bathroom in my bedroom to gather my razor and other bath supplies. A few minutes later, a sensual playlist was streaming from the speakers of my macbook as I soaked in the calming lavender bubbles, letting all the stress of my day melt away.

Relaxed and happy after my bath, I put on a pair of black boy shorts covered with multi-colored polka dots and a pink t-shirt, and blew my hair dry, leaving it to hang loose over my shoulders when I was done. I took a minute to look at myself in the mirror and decided that the look was the right combination of cute and sexy, but then spent several more minutes second-guessing myself. While I knew there was at least a chance that I would end up naked during the skype call, I wondered if maybe I should just put on pants, in case. Was I being too forward? Assuming too much?

Shaking my head at myself, I walked into the kitchen and pulled a wine cooler out of the refrigerator, taking a big sip after I opened it. I knew that I was obsessing, but I couldn't seem to help myself. After a few more sips, though, and some deep, steadying breaths, I decided that I would greet my lovers in my pajamas as originally planned, and carried my drink, as well as a second unopened bottle back to my bedroom.

I sat on my bed in front of my macbook and opened up a word document, deciding to work on the story I'd been writing until Jasper and Alice were ready to call. I sipped my wine cooler as I typed, feeling the very beginnings of a buzz halfway through the second bottle. It was only a few minutes later that I saved my work and closed the document in response to Jasper's text that they'd be skyping in the next few minutes.

I answered their call with a wide grin, excited about the prospect of seeing both of their faces for the first time since before my trip to California. I was even more excited when the video feed appeared on my screen and I saw that they were calling me from their bed. My smile fell quickly, however, replaced by an expression of confusion and concern, when I saw that only Jasper looked happy to see me. Alice, on the other hand, was laying down in the bed, covered with the blanket. I could see that she had on a hoodie, her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, and she wasn't wearing any makeup.

"Babe? Are you ok?" I asked.

"Fine," she replied in a tired-sounding voice.

"Are you sick, Ali?" I asked, not satisfied with her simple response.

"I'm fine. Just tired."

I looked back and forth between her and Jasper, hoping that someone was going to offer an actual explanation. Jasper just shook his head at me, as if telling me to drop it. I looked at him and frowned, trying to convey without words that I would do what he wanted, but I was not appeased.

"Hey, Jas," I said softly. I was feeling a little uncomfortable, like they had skyped only because I asked them to, and not out of any desire to talk to me.

Jasper, as if understanding how awkward I felt, smiled back at me. "Hey sweetie," he said. "How's your day been?"

We made small talk while Alice dozed in the bed, as if it was normal. But I didn't feel normal, and I finally had to stop trying to ignore the situation and just address it. "Jas, I don't think Ali feels good. Maybe we should just talk tomorrow?"

"It's fine," she mumbled from her place on her pillow. "You and Jasper don't have to suffer because I'm tired. Baby, why don't you take the laptop upstairs and talk to Bella. I'm just going to go to sleep."

Jasper immediately refused, and I joined him. One of the rules that we'd laid out in the constitution was that this relationship was between the three of us. We had agreed that Jasper and I would not be together without Alice, nor would Alice and I be together without Jasper, although Jasper had more than once told us that he had no problem with she and I doing that. I had been the one to put my foot down on that, though. I didn't feel comfortable making things unequal in ways that weren't necessary.

"No, really, you guys. Just do it. If you don't, I'm just going to feel shitty for ruining your night." Alice continued to push the issue, insisting not only that Jasper and I continue the call, but also that we "play" together, until we finally consented.

Jasper leaned down over Alice before he got up off the bed, whispering something to her that I couldn't hear, and then kissed her softly on her forehead.

"Feel better, babe," I said as he lifted the laptop off of his night stand. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Alice lifted her hand and gave a little wave, and then the video feed showed a blur of images that let me know that Jasper was carrying the laptop out of his room and down the hall. I looked away, feeling slightly motion sick by the swaying of the image on the screen.

When Jasper settled himself on the couch with a beer in hand, he smiled at me again. "Sorry about Ali... She had a rough day. Don't take it personally, alright?"

I nodded, and smiled back. I'd been told to enjoy the evening with Jasper, and he was telling me not to worry, so I was going to go with that.

"So... I see you're in your new bed. It looks nice."

I grinned. I loved my new bed. "It does, doesn't it?" I felt proud of having chosen it, and having done so on my own. I hadn't made many of my own decisions the past... well, the past eight years, really. I made a mental hashmark in the tally of small victories for Bella.

"Looks better with you in it than it did in the picture you sent me," he said with a small chuckle and a left-sided smile. Then he paused, furrowing his brow. "What do you have on over there anyway?"

"My pjs," I said, as if it was too obvious of a question to have asked. I laughed and rose up onto my knees, giving him the front view of my little panties.

"Turn around," he said, a combination of a plea and a command.

I bit my lip and did as he asked, grinning as I was rewarded with the sound of his low moan. I added a tiny shake of my hips, just for effect, then sat back down, trying not to giggle at the lustful look on his face.

"Like what you see?" I asked, feeling emboldened by his reaction, but still unsure of myself. I didn't consider myself sexy, nor, clearly, did my husband. I, quite honestly, was still rather surprised and confused by the fact that Jasper and Alice seemed to think I was.

"God yes," he replied, his voice low and raspy. Fuck, that was sexy. "Do you have any idea what you do to me, Bella?" he asked, not even opening his eyes. "I've been thinking about it all day...that sexy mouth of yours. And now...those panties... Fuck."

"It's the same for me, Jas. I can't even concentrate at work... The things that I want you to do to me...the things I want to do to you... Mmm..."

My whole body was tingling, desperate for his touch. I knew what I wanted to do – hell, needed to do, at this point – but I didn't know how to ask for it. I was already starting to breathe harder, though, in response to the tone of his voice and the memories it evoked.

He took a deep breath, and let it out very slowly. "When I see you this weekend, I want to feel your mouth again, Bella. It's all I can think about. That and getting my mouth on you."

"You will, Jas. I'm going to do it right, take my time... I don't think we're going to get out of bed the whole time. You better have a good breakfast before you get to my house." I laughed and winked as I said it, but I was totally serious. I was going to make use of every second that I had them with me.

"B, I'm... Fuck, baby. I don't think I can wait. Do you want to..." He suddenly wasn't the confident sexy man who had just been seducing me with his words. Now he was shy and awkward and fumbling for words.

I wanted to laugh, but not at him, though. Just at the situation. I knew what he wanted. I knew because it was the same thing that I had just been hoping he'd suggest. Why was it that we could text each other dirty things all day long, but when it came to actually doing it, we were awkward?

"Jas...Baby, take off your clothes for me," I said, forcing myself to be brave as I reached down to take a hold of the hem of my tee shirt.

He was relieved that I took the burden from his shoulders, I could tell, and immediately did as I asked, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the side, then, while I stared as his muscular chest and took in the tattoo on his right arm, he removed his pants. I waited until he was done, biting my lip as I stared wantonly at his body, before I removed my own clothes. I watched my own image on the screen, making sure to position myself in a way that flattered my figure as much as possible - I didn't want to showcase my flaws for the man while I was trying to seduce him.

I tilted my face down a bit and played with the edging of my pillowcase. I was suddenly very aware of my nakedness – sure, he'd seen me this way before, but it had always been in the middle of the action when my clothes came off, when we were both worked up.

"Baby," he called.

I looked up and saw him smiling at me. He'd moved his position a bit as well – he was reclining now, his hand wrapped around his cock already, but not moving yet. I wondered if he had any idea how sexy I thought his tattoo was, since the direction that he was sitting meant I was staring right at it. I couldn't help it – I licked my lips.

"Just look at me," he said.

He began to move his hand slowly, up and down. I panted in response. I wished it was my hand holding him. More than that, I wished that I could replace his hand with my lips, letting them slide all the way down his length until I had all of him in my mouth. I pictured him laying on his back as I kneeled over him, and felt myself growing wet at the thought.

"God, Jasper, I can't wait to have you in this bed under me," I whispered as my hands moved up to cup my breasts.

"On top of you," he added, his chest rising as he watched me with rapt attention.

I continued to play with my nipples with one hand while I let the other one slip down, pressed flat against my skin as it crossed over my belly, until I reached the place that really needed to be touched. Remembering the way that Jasper's hands had felt on my body, I used a heavier, rougher touch than usual. My hands were too soft to truly replicate his, but knowing that he was watching me as I thought of him, watching me as I brought myself pleasure, was more than enough to make up for it.

A low moan came from my lips as I arched my back, pressing my breast further into my hand. "Oh god, Jasper," I whispered, not taking my eyes off of him for a second.

His hand was moving faster now, keeping in rhythm with mine, telling me that he was enjoying this as much as I was. I whimpered in response to the growl he let out. Every sound he made affected me as much as if he was actually touching my body.

I trembled, feeling myself getting close. My eyes flitted back and forth between his face and his arm and his hand. I watched as his left hand gripped the leather seam on the couch cushion, holding tightly while his right hand slipped even faster up and down his length. I could see his muscles tightening and his lips spreading into a grimace.

Knowing he was close spurred me on, and I rubbed myself harder, panting and whining.

"I can't wait to make you come," he panted.

Every muscle in my body tightened, my knees pulled up toward my chest and I whispered through the moan, "Oh god, you are...right now."

He followed me in seconds, breathing out the trademark growling groan that I found so sexy every time I heard it. I kept my eyes on him until his head fell back against the couch with eyes closed, his chest still heaving with his hard breaths. My posture mimicked his.

A minute later, he spoke in a soft voice. "On Saturday morning, that'll be me and my hand making you come. But watching you do it yourself... That's just fucking sexy."

"I could say the same to you," I said, still panting lightly.

We were both ready for rest after our fun, so we said our good nights and signed out of skype. I slipped my clothes back on and set my macbook in the bed side table, turning on the itunes sleepy time playlist I'd put together earlier that day, clicking on Jasper's mp3 so that he would play first, then turned off my light and crawled under my covers.

As I listened to Jasper's voice, I thought about how excited I was to see him again. I just hoped that, whatever was wrong with Alice today, she'd be back to normal before Saturday.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Previews come in all the review replies. Until next time...Always.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The story line is mine. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Thanks to Karmabalance for being such a great support to me and pre-reading. Thanks also to my W, JaspersBella, who is full of awesome insights.**

**I've gotten pretty far ahead of posting with my writing, so I've decided to post twice a week, at least for awhile. So you'll be getting chapters on Tuesday and Friday. Hope that makes you happy! Enjoy.**

_ As I listened to Jasper's voice, I thought about how excited I was to see him again. I just hoped that, whatever was wrong with Alice today, she'd be back to normal before Saturday._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 13**

I woke up the next morning from a deliciously sexy dream that I could only hope was a taste of things soon to come. Once I was fully awake, however, and the last vestiges of the fog of sleep wiped away, I remembered the oddity that was Alice's behavior the day before, and began to worry about it. Jasper had told me that I shouldn't take it personally, but it was really hard not to when she'd basically ignored me all day. As I showered, I wracked my brain, trying to figure out what I might have done to upset my girl, but I couldn't think of anything.

I dried my hair, put on my makeup, and got dressed for work, all the while still trying to solve the mystery of why Alice had not been herself the day before. By the time I pulled out of the driveway to leave for work, I was nearly at my wits end.

I wanted to text her. I wanted to call and hear her voice. Anything. I just wanted to know she was alright...that _we_ were alright. But, unsure of how to handle things, I decided to text Jasper instead, hoping that he could tell me what was going on.

_Good morning, babe. How's your day so far?_

_ Pretty good... You caught me on my break, luckily. It's been a busy morning – couple of busses full of grannies arrived this morning. _

I smiled, knowing that Grandma Swan would probably be on one of those busses if she could. From what I'd heard from my dad, his wins at poker with his deputies were all due to the lessons he'd gotten from my Grandma when he was growing up.

_Glad you're having a good one. I had very nice dreams last night... Thinking they might come true this weekend. ;) _

_ I'll do all I can to make sure they do, baby. _

_ I can't wait. So, um... Is everything ok with Ali?_

He didn't reply right away, which gave me time to park my car at the office and gather my purse and workbag. The text alert sounded on my phone just as I was setting my things on my desk.

_She's just like that sometimes. It's not about you, I promise. _

I frowned. That wasn't really as informative as I'd hoped for.

_ Should I text her today? I don't want to bother her, but... I miss her._

_ I've got to get back to work, baby. I left before she woke up, so idk how she is today. I'd say just wait for her. _

I sighed heavily. I really didn't like waiting around like that. Even more than that, I didn't like the idea that my girl was upset, whether it had anything to do with me or not. I just didn't want her unhappy.

_Alright J. I will. Have a good day at work. I'll TTYL. -kisses-_

I sat down at my desk and opened my work email, seeing what assignments Eric had left me for the day. Scanning the emails, I saw all that needed to be done and began to arrange my day accordingly. Just as I was opening up the file that Eric had sent for me to revise – my first project of the day – my text alert sounded again.

I picked up the phone and smiled when I saw that the text was from Alice. Apparently Jasper was right about letting her come to me.

_Morning sweetie. How are you today?_

It was like nothing had happened at all yesterday. As much as I wanted to know what was going on, though, I didn't want to push her. So I'd play pretend with her, if that's what she wanted.

_I'm good, babe. How's your morning?_

_ I feel better. Sorry I get moody sometimes. Did you have fun with J?_

I furrowed my brow and stared at the phone. I was totally confused about what was going on.

_What moody? I thought you were just tired. And yeah...we had a nice time. Did you sleep well?_

_ My tiredness is a mood thing. Slight depression equals tiredness. Had it for years. I'm glad you two had a good time. What are you doing today?_

_ I'm sorry babe. -hugs you close- I'm just working on some revisions right now. Lots of work today._

_ Oh honey, don't worry. I've been like that since I was a teenager. I just needed to sleep it off. Everything's ok now, alright? Smile, Bella. Then get your work done. I'll ttyl._

Alice had just shrugged off the issue like it was nothing, but I couldn't. I got my revisions done, but Ali stayed on my mind the whole time. It was just my nature; I always felt the urge to take care of the people I loved and make things better for them. As I did my work that morning, I was searching my mind for ways to make Alice happy. Her lips were too perfect to not be smiling.

At eleven, I had to leave my office to drive across town for an interview. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I toyed with the idea of calling Alice. It was an odd thing, the way that modern technologies – in this case, texting – had made me question whether phone calls were acceptable. I shook my head at how weird that sounded; we were sleeping together, but I wasn't sure if I was allowed to call her?

I rolled my eyes at myself, and dialed Alice's number. Three rings later, she answered. She sounded slightly surprised, but not unhappy.

"Bella?"

"Hey babe," I replied, smiling into the phone big enough that she must have heard it in my voice. "I'm on my way to an interview, and I just wanted to call and check on you."

"You're sweet, Bella, but I told you it wasn't a big deal. I just get like that sometimes."

"I know you said that... I just don't like seeing you unhappy. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"It wasn't just one thing, and unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to fix any of it. My boss sat me down yesterday at work. They are opening a new store on the other side of town, and he wants me to manage it."

"That's great, Ali!" I interjected, not understanding why that wouldn't be great news.

"Yeah, it is," she said, speaking in a way that let me know there was a but coming. "But he wants me to start while the store is being set up, which means that I'm going to be working overnights, starting next week, and I'll be on that shift until probably June."

And now it made sense. I couldn't blame her for being upset – working nights meant very little time with her family. I tried not to be selfish, but the disappointment sank into my gut anyway as I realized that she'd also have very little time for me.

"That really sucks, Ali. But don't worry," I continued, trying to find the silver lining for her. "We'll figure out how to make it work." I paused, wondering how on earth I was going to keep that promise.

"I'm worried about Jasper. He'll get lonely. I hate that I'm leaving him like this... Bella? You'll keep him company on skype in the evenings, won't you?"

"Of course, Ali," I agreed immediately. "That's the beauty of having both of us, right? Backup."

She sighed. "That's good. At least I can stop worrying about that."

"I'm glad I could help. And now, why don't you tell me what else went wrong yesterday."

Alice sighed on the other end of the line. "It's a very long story, babe, but suffice it to say I don't have a great relationship with my parents. My dad called me yesterday, and... Yeah. Bad mood. He hurts me without meaning to."

I frowned. My parents could drive me crazy sometimes – well, Renee more so than Charlie – but they never left me feeling depressed.

"I don't want to pry, Ali, but... What did he say to upset you so much?"

"Nothing I haven't heard before, I assure you of that. My dad drinks. A lot. And when he's drunk, he likes to bring up things from the past...re-open old wounds. Yesterday he reminded me of the fact that he and my mom were better off without me. It's always a good feeling to be unwanted by your parents."

My mouth was literally hanging open in shock as she spoke. How on earth could any parent treat their child that way? I didn't care whether he was drunk, high, or just plain stupid. There was no excuse for that. How could he hurt my Alice so much?

"Oh, Ali... I'm so sorry. That's just... That's not right."

"It's ok, Bella. Like I said, I'm used to it. They dumped me in a psychiatric facility when I was fifteen and didn't even come visit me there for the three years that passed until I could sign myself out. They didn't care about me then, so why they've decided to speak to me again all these years later, I don't know. Maybe just to rub salt in the wounds?"

"I wish I could hug you right now. You know that you deserve better than that, don't you?"

I swear I heard her shrug through the phone. "I guess."

Those two words were like a punch in the gut to me. I knew she deserved better. Jasper knew that about her too. That's why we were with her. Together, we'd show her. We had to.

At the moment, though, I was pulling into the driveway of the woman's home that I had to interview.

"Babe? I'm sorry to cut you off. I have to get back to work now. Try to smile today, ok? There's only a few days till we can see each other...and then I'll remind you just how special you really are."

Alice giggled softly. "Alright then, Bella. Have a good day. I've got to go to work soon anyway, so I'll talk to you later."

We hung up, and I sat in my car for a few minutes before I felt ready to go knock on Mrs. Patterson's door. There was a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted so badly to find Alice's father and punch him for hurting her. I knew that whatever physical pain I would be able to cause him would never compare to the emotional hurt he'd given her, but it would be a start, at least. He deserved it, that was for damn sure.

The anger burned white hot in my belly, anger for a man I'd never met, and probably never would. I wished that I had a punching bag to take it out on, but I didn't. As I sat in the car, staring at the picture of Alice in my phone, I recognized the fact that I was on a very slippery slope. I cared way more about this than I should, considering that I was just sleeping with Alice. Sex only. No feelings were supposed to be involved. But this anger was a rather intense feeling.

I took a deep breath, and then calmed myself with a simple explanation: Alice was my friend. My friend that I had sex with, yes, but my friend nonetheless. It was perfectly acceptable to care this way for my friend.

Feeling justified, or rationalized, or whatever the fuck it was, I texted Jasper.

_When you get home, give our girl a big hug and kiss from me. I miss you both._

That done, I exited my car and went to the front door of the Patterson house to conduct my interview.

When I returned to the office after the meeting with Mrs. Patterson, I spent the rest of the day writing and revising the article. It was a big piece for me, taking up the bottom half of the next day's front page, and I was determined to make it perfect. The email I got from Eric just before leaving the office told me I had done exactly that, so I left work in a fabulous mood.

On my way home, I stopped by the Unitarian church, where a weekly yoga class was held, open to anyone who wanted to come. It was usually filled with older hippies and maybe one or two girls around my age, but it never failed to be a good session, so I went as often as possible. I changed quickly in the restroom, then walked into the main hall and laid out my yoga mat, ready to lose myself in the breathing.

I did just that, and was almost surprised when the yogi announced that class was over an hour later. I chatted with a few of the other participants before tossing my hoodie over my yoga clothes and walking back out to my car. I found a text waiting for me when I arrived, from Alice:

_Delivery boy brought your message. You're so sweet, B. I can't wait to feel your arms around me for real. _

I smiled as I read it, glad to see that Ali seemed to be in a better mood.

_I can't wait either. Give J a kiss for a job well done. I'm exhausted. Going to shower and sleep early tonight._

_ Sleep well, then, sweetie. TTYT. _

I set the phone back down in the cup holder and drove the rest of the way back to my house. It wasn't long after that I was in my usual boy shorts and tee shirt combination and settling into my bed for the night. A text arrived just as I was turning off the light beside my bed.

_Sweet dreams, B. Thirty-nine hours._

I held the phone close enough to my face to type in the dark, and replied.

_Sleep well, Jasper. -kisses-_

The next day, I worked through the morning with no interruption, which was unusual, but not unexpected. Alice was working, and Jasper and I had agreed to wait until lunch break to text each other after he'd been glared at by his manager for texting Alice and I during his shift the day before. All morning long, though, even without the texts, my mind was distracted by thoughts of my lovers' arrival, now just a little more than a day away, and my body was humming with excitement. It was all I could do to stay in my seat and finish my revisions.

When I reached the end of the third and final article I had to proofread, I knew I needed a break, so I decided to check my email. There were two new messages since I'd woken up that morning, one from Victoria, and one from Leah. I was excited to see both.

I opened the email from Leah first, and found an invitation to meet her for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in town that night. Going would mean that I'd have to rush around the next morning preparing the house for Alice and Jasper's arrival, which I could do, and probably would end up doing even if I didn't go out with Leah, so I replied, accepting the invitation and promising to meet her at 6:30.

I read Victoria's email next.

_Hey B – _

_ I know you've been busy with work since you got back from your trip, but you've been really out of touch, which just isn't like you. Is everything ok? You know you can tell me anything, B, whatever it is. I'm your best friend, remember? Anyway, just wanted to remind you that I'm here if you need to talk. I won't push you though._

_ Nothing else is going on, except that I heard a rumor about the douchemonkey... seems he got himself into a bit of trouble with the cops (again) the other day and he's in jail now. Idiot. Hope he doesn't drop the soap...he might enjoy that too much. ;) _

_ Love you, B. -Vic_

It took me a minute to compose myself from the fit of laughter that my best friend had initiated with her commentary about her ex-husband's preferences. I was glad to see it, though, because that biting sarcasm was the way that Vic had talked about him ever since she stopped feeling miserable about what he'd done to her and realized that he was a worthless piece of crap.

Once I was done laughing, though, the guilt set in again. Victoria had known me longer and better than just about anyone, other than my parents. She knew there was something going on with me, and I really didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to keep it a secret from her. And while Alice was my lover and had requested this of me, Victoria was my best friend, and deserved my honesty just as much.

I sighed. I didn't like the idea of having to pick one of them over the other. I didn't think I should have to either. I decided right then to talk to Alice and find a solution. Until I could do that, I sent a quick reply to Victoria, letting her know that I loved her and couldn't wait to hear the rest of the story about James, and that I'd talk to her soon.

The inability to tell Victoria made me even more antsy than I already had been, and I knew that it was at least partially because I was desperate to share my excitement with someone. I had never been very good at keeping secrets, and this one was by no means small. Jasper and Alice had, in less than two weeks, practically taken over my life, and I had very little to say at this point, unless it involved them. And now, with them due to arrive at my house in just over twenty-four hours, I was nearly giddy. I found it was really cutting into my ability to enjoy the anticipation when I was doing it alone.

Suddenly, I remembered that there _was_ one person that I could talk to about my weekend plans: Irina. I immediately opened a new window in my email program and composed a message.

_Irina,_

_ I followed the advice you gave me last time and sat down with J and A on skype. We made rules. A whole constitution, actually. It was a little silly in places (like the "no vampires in the basement" rule – no cunnilingus while the girl is on her period - which none of us would even consider, but put in the constitution anyway), but it was mostly serious. We really talked about what we wanted from this – it's just going to be a physical thing, no emotional relationship - and I think it's going to work. We've been texting a lot, and seeing each other on skype, and Jasper recorded a song for me the other day... It was amazing. I attached it to this email, you have to hear it. His voice... OMG, Irina, he has no idea what his voice does to me. I would have sex with his voice if I could. -giggles- They're coming to see me on Saturday. I'm so fucking excited that I'm about to blow a fuse in my brain – although, if I'm honest, I've been about to do that ever since they told me they wanted to be with me again. It's going to an amazing weekend. -biggest grin ever-_

_ Hope everything is good with you. -big hugs-_

_ Bella._

After sending the email to Irina, I went back to my work, finding it a little bit easier to concentrate this time around. I worked straight through the next hour, rewriting the article that I had just gotten back from my proofreader, and then emailed the finished copy to Eric before leaving for lunch.

I decided to spend my hour break in the park across the street again, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the relative privacy afforded to me for texting Jasper and Alice. Jasper's first text came within seconds of me laying the blanket in the grass.

_Hey you._

_ -grins- Hey yourself. Your timing is perfect, baby. How's your day?_

_ Slow. I think I want it to be tomorrow so badly that today is never going to end._

I laughed as I read his text, understanding all too well. My three hours of work this morning had seemed more like three months.

_I hear you. But just think, this time tomorrow you'll be in my bed._

_ Fuck yes I will. Hmm... By this time tomorrow I bet I will have already made you come._

_ And just how do you think you're going to accomplish such a feat so quickly? I mean, it's only 12:15... you're not due to arrive until 12._

_ Baby, forgive me, but I'm not going to be making small talk when I arrive. I haven't touched you in two weeks, and I'm not going to waste a second getting my hands...lips...tongue...or any other part of me...all over you._

I moaned out loud, low and wantonly, and wished for the ability to make time pass faster.

_God, Jas, you are going to kill me._

_ No, not kill you. Just fuck you senseless. ;)  
I hope you eat a lot of pasta tonight... You'll need the energy. I have big plans for you, mister._

_ Oh don't worry, I can keep up. But I am very interested in these plans..._

_ I bet you are. They're semi-secret plans for now, though... All you need to know is that one involves my mouth quite heavily..._

_ Fuck...I should know better than to talk to you like this when I'm at work... It's really hard to hide what you do to me in these pants..._

_ I love that I do that to you._

_ You do, baby, you do._

_ Good. It's only fair, since you had me moaning out loud and breathing hard in the park..._

_ Tomorrow you'll be doing the same thing, but in your bed...underneath me._

_ I can't wait._

_ Me either. Gtg now, though. TTYL._

_ Bye J._

Checking the time display on the screen of my phone, I saw that my lunch break was nearly over as well. I folded up my blanket and walked back over to my office, returning to work with a flushed face yet again.I probably wouldn't have realized it, had I not run directly into Mike Newton when I turned the corner to enter the hallway that held my office.

"Fu...ow!" I groaned as I pulled back from his chest, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Newton's parents owned a sporting goods store, and, clearly, Mike was a patron. I rubbed my nose, which was a bit sore from the contact that it has just made with the hard plane of his chest. I could tell, even in his dress shirt and tie, that Mike was fit, but damn. That really hurt.

"I'm really sorry, Bella. I didn't see you coming," Mike said hurriedly as he held my face between his hands, trying to check for major injury, I assumed.

"My fault," I mumbled. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Yeah, you looked like you were daydreaming," he replied with a bit of a smirk. "You seem to be doing that a lot lately, Swan."

I rolled my eyes. Mike Newton paid entirely too much attention to me when I wasn't aware, which was quite often these days, and now it was going to bite me in the ass. "It's called thinking, Mike," I said bitingly. "I guess you're unfamiliar with the concept."

"Oh yeah, I bet you _are_ thinking. It's what you're thinking _of _that I'd like to know about. I know what I'm hoping you're thinking about."

He smiled, and I tried to refrain myself from gagging. It wasn't that he was unattractive. I just wasn't interested. Especially not when I had Jasper and Alice already.

"So what do you say I take you out to dinner tonight, Bella? I'll take you somewhere nice, make up for hurting your nose."

I stopped rubbing my nose and reached out to touch his hand, trying to convey the fact that I didn't blame him for the accident. "I'm ok, Mike, really. No need to worry. And thank you for the invitation, but I can't go out tonight. I have plans already with my friend Leah."

His brow furrowed for a minute. "Leah? That's not a name I've ever heard you say. Maybe she's the reason you're all daydreamy lately... Hmm?"

The big, stupid grin on his face was laughable. He was about one second away from patting himself on the back in congratulations for a job well done in solving the mystery of Bella Swan.

"Yeah, Mike. That's it. You totally found me out. I'm a big lesbian." I spoke in a tone that was heavily laced with sarcasm, yet sounded almost sincere at the same time. Mike just stared, not sure what to make of it.

When he hadn't answered a second later, I stepped the the side to walk around him. "I don't know about you, Newton," I said. "But I have work to do. Big date tonight, after all." I winked as I walked away, leaving him staring behind me with his mouth gaping open. I laughed all the way to my office, muttering under my breath, "Wrong tree, Newton...wrong tree."

I finished my work early that afternoon and went home so that I could change my clothes and update my makeup before meeting Leah for dinner. I was really excited at the prospect of hanging out with her again. We'd talked a couple of times since the flight on Sunday, and I really felt like we had a lot in common and were going to become really good friends.

My text alert sounded as I was applying my eyeliner.

_I have so much packing to do. Bleah. _

I laughed, understanding exactly why Alice was complaining. As much as I hated packing for myself, she had to pack for herself and Jasper, as well as getting her kids ready to go to her sister's house in the morning. It had to be a giant pain in the ass for her.

_I bet. Packing is no fun. You don't need to bring much to my house... Clothes definitely not needed. I'm going to dinner with Leah soon. Sorry I can't keep you company while you work._

_ -pouts- I wish you could keep me distracted. Then it would be tomorrow morning and we could stay in bed all weekend._

_ -closes eyes and daydreams- Yeah, that would be very fucking nice indeed. God, the things I want to do to you._

It was a train of thought that I should have known better than starting down. I was due to meet Leah at the restaurant in half an hour and wasn't even ready to leave. I definitely did not have time to take a private moment in my bed before leaving.

_Mmm...The things I could do with you and to you...I'll be thinking about it the whole drive tomorrow. _

_ Mmm...just the thought gets to me baby._

And it did. I loved that she wanted me. No matter what I saw when I looked in the mirror, Alice wanting me made me feel sexy. There was something simply erotic about the whole idea of it, and it sent shivers through my body just to think about her touch; her lips. Add Jasper to the mix, and I was completely incapable of thought.

_Good. That way you won't forget me while you're out with your friend. Have fun tonight, sweetie. But watch out for tequila. ;)_

I laughed as I read her warning about the tequila, and then my lips formed a smile before I could stop them. It sounded to me like my girl was a little jealous, but trying to hide it. She had told me when we made the constitution that I was under no obligations to be exclusive with her and Jasper, as long as I was being safe, but I didn't want to be with anyone else. And, truth be told, I liked that, no matter what she'd said, she didn't seem to want me to either.

_Don't worry, Ali. The only one I want to drink tequila with is you. I gotta go now, before I'm late. Sleep well...I can't wait to see you both tomorrow._

_ =) You sleep well too. You'll need it. Goodnight._

My dinner with Leah was a blast. We talked a lot, over martinis, about how she was coping with being back on the reservation for the first time since her relationship with Sam had blown up. She seemed really excited to have re-connected with her younger brother, whose name was Seth, after being away for so long, and I was happy to see that he seemed to be making the whole trip easier for her.

I hoped it meant she'd come back home more often. I knew I'd like that.

I decided to tell Leah about the internet writing that I'd been doing. It was something that I didn't let many of my real-life friends know about, but I wanted to make an exception for Leah. I had gotten into writing after having the miscarriage, and it was a way that I could escape the hard things in my life for awhile and go into another world. It seemed to me that Leah could benefit from that as well. She seemed excited about it, and promised to email me her account information when she made it.

We finally said goodbye around ten-thirty, when I begged off, citing the disaster in my living room that had to be cleaned before my – strictly platonic, of course - company arrived as my reason for going home so early.

I arrived back home and crawled into bed after I washed off my makeup and changed into my pajamas. I decided to get some rest and just clean in the morning, mostly because I knew that I'd be so anxious waiting for Jasper and Alice that I'd never be able to sit still.

Wanting to check my email one last time, I pulled my macbook into my lap and opened the program. There were two new emails waiting for me. The first was from Jasper, and I opened it with a smile.

_ Just wanted to say good night baby. Have sweet dreams. I'll see you in 12 hours and twenty minutes._

It was short and sweet, yet I was grinning from ear to ear at the idea of him counting down the hours. He was just as excited as I was.

The second email was a reply from Irina. I read over her explanations of what was going on in her life – things were going well with her husband, but she was hoping to switch to a new job soon – but then paused when I saw her response to what I'd told her about Alice and Jasper.

_You were right, his voice is very sexy indeed. I hope you have a good time this weekend. I don't doubt that you will. The three of you seem to have figured everything out. Good luck with that... _

_ Take care of yourself, little Bella. _

_ -Irina_

I stared at the screen, wondering what exactly Irina had meant for a few minutes, before finally deciding that I was reading too much into it. She was right, after all...We _had_ thought of all the details. This weekend was going to be amazing, and hopefully just the first – well, second – of many to come.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The weekend together finally begins next chapter. Let me know what you think please! I send previews with my review replies. Until next week, you know. Always.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Many thanks to Karmabalance and JaspersBella for pre-reading for me. I appreciate it so much. **

_This weekend was going to be amazing, and hopefully just the first – well, second – of many to come._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 14**

I woke up Saturday morning before my alarm could go off, too excited to sleep any longer. It was not yet eight o'clock in the morning; Jasper and Alice were already on the road, according to the text that was waiting for me when I awoke, due to arrive in a little more than four hours.

Four hours.

Just saying that made me giddy.

I quickly replied to Alice's text, letting her know that I was awake and anxiously awaiting their arrival, and requesting that she let me know when they were close. I set the phone down when I was done, and, not bothering to get dressed first, walked out to the living room and looked around.

Four hours. I made myself a mental list of what still needed to get done: dust the living room and my bedroom, vacuum my bedroom, clean the bathroom, mop the kitchen, empty the dishwasher, put away my laundry, and find a place for all the junk sitting around in the living room. Oh, and shower. And shave.

Four hours was more than enough time to do it all, so long as I actually worked.

Instead of starting right away, though, I walked back to my bedroom and returned with my macbook, setting it on the coffee table and turning on my 80s playlist. It was full of happy songs with good beats, which suited my mood perfectly and would provide a good background for cleaning.

Grabbing my dust cloth, I began wiping down the bookshelves while swinging my hips to the rhythm of _I Wear My Sunglasses At Night_. I laughed as I sang along, thinking that it was the perfect song to listen to when Alice and Jasper were on their way to see me. I _would_ be wearing my "sunglasses" tonight.

Two and a half hours later, the kitchen and living room were spotless, and I was busy changing the sheets on my bed. I'd purchased new bedding to match the new furniture, settling on a cream-colored satin bedspread, covered in black flowers, with thick black edging on all sides. The sheets that had come with it with cream with black lace accents, but the set that I was putting on the bed now were all black. Standing back to look at it when I was done, I found that I really liked the contrast.

I had a feeling the bed wouldn't stay made for long, but I still put the throw pillows – several different shapes and sizes, all hot pink – on top of it. The pillows, as well as my curtains and lampshades, added just the right touch of color to the room.

Smiling at a job well done, I decided that it was time to shower.

I carried my computer into the bathroom, setting it up on the counter so that I could continue listening to music while I got ready. I opened the shower door and turned on the water, adjusting the temperature of the water to the level of heat I desired, and then slipped my boy shorts and tee shirt off, tossing them into the hamper my the door.

I clicked the icon for Usher on my itunes and turned the volume up all the way, letting the sounds of smooth R&B fill the bathroom, then stepped into the shower.

The water was hot, and immediately relaxed my muscles as it flowed over my skin. I tipped my head back, closing my eyes and letting the water soak my hair. I took my time washing and rinsing, knowing that I had no need to rush. As the conditioner sat in my hair, I put a fresh head on my razor and leaned back against the wall, lifting my leg up to begin shaving.

This time, I was going to be ready for my lovers. No jungles.

When I was finished, I sniffed each of my body washes at least three times each before settling on the best smell, and covered my body in its suds. The water was already beginning to cool down, so I quickly rinsed my body and hair, then reached for my towel.

There was a text waiting for me when I got out of the shower, from Jasper this time:

_Just exited 74. See you soon, baby._

My entire body began to hum with excitement and nervous energy. They were probably thirty minutes or less from my door, and I was still dripping wet and wearing only a towel.

_Hmm...yes, very soon. I guess I should probably put on some clothes._

_ No need, baby. I'm just going to take them right back off of you._

_ True, but isn't that part of the fun? Not to mention it might offend the neighbors a little if I answered the door naked. _

_ I wouldn't be offended at all._

_ Just hurry up and get here._

I put the phone back down and ran the brush through my hair before drying it as much as I could in five minutes. I didn't even bother brushing it again after drying, so it was left looking a bit wild, but I knew it was going to get even more messed up soon.

I moved my macbook again, this time setting it on the bedside table, and turned on Kings of Leon. It was the sexiest album I could think of, and I clicked the button for repeat play before walking over to choose an outfit.

I must have stood in front of my closet in my towel for ten minutes, staring at the clothes inside with absolutely no idea of which to put on. I knew it was ridiculous, because, like Jasper said, whatever I put on wasn't going to stay on very long. But I still wanted to look good for them when they got here.

I finally settled on a black tee shirt with floaty sleeves and my jeans, reaching into my underwear drawer and pulling out a pair of black Chantilly lace panties – hip hugging boy shorts that were nearly sheer in the back and ended just high enough to show off just the right amount of the curve of my ass. I pulled the matching bra off of the hanger and carried my outfit over to the bed, laying it down while I finished drying the last of my shower off of my body.

I was just slipping the panties on when the text alert sounded once again.

_Knock knock._

They were here.

Alice and Jasper were here.

At my house.

Right now.

Renee took me to a place in Florida once, when I was younger, called Butterfly World. There were over ten thousand butterflies living there. At this moment, I was sure that the entire population was in my stomach.

My heart was racing and I was fumbling like crazy with my clothes. I was so anxious to open the door for my lovers that I tried to run down the hall while still pulling my pants up.

It did not work out so well.

I picked myself up off the floor, dusted my hands off on my thighs, and then buttoned my jeans. Taking a deep breath in, I closed my eyes in front of the door and blew it back out, calming myself as much as was possible.

Then I opened the door.

I couldn't contain the grin that spread across my lips as Jasper and Alice were revealed by the opening door. They looked a little road weary, but otherwise perfect.

Alice's long hair was now highlighted with purple streaks instead of blue, and they matched the pattern in the silver tee-shirt she had paired with her jeans. I only noticed the pattern because it spread across her shirt just over the chest, forcing my attention to her breasts. It took all I had not to reach out and touch them. I finally took my eyes off of her chest and looked up to her face, seeing her lips smiling back at me, their natural raspberry color looking as inviting as ever.

Jasper stood behind her, wearing a loose-fitting pair of jeans and a blue jersey. His head was tilted down just a little bit, as if he was feeling a bit shy, but the grin on his face, leaning to the right this time, ensured me that he was just as happy to be at my house as I was to have him there. He reached up and ran his hand through his short blond hair, barely lifting his eyes.

That's when it hit me. The awkwardness. As giddy as I was to have them here, finally, all the buildup, the anticipation... We'd had two weeks of foreplay, and now we were staring at each other from across the threshold of my front door.

All three of us knew why we were here. The question now was how to make the smooth transition from saying hello to getting naked.

I had no idea how to be smooth.

"So, um... Hi," I said, mentally smacking myself upside the head for being such a freak. "Come on in." I stepped aside and let my guests enter. Neither one made the move to hug or kiss me, and I stood just as still. "Did you have a good trip?"

"Yeah, Jasper here made great time," Alice answered. "Glad to be out of the car, though, that's for sure."

Jasper finally made eye contact with me, and smiled. I returned it, and instantly felt more comfortable.

"Come on, I'll show you around," I said, taking a step into the living room. "This is the living room," I said, gesturing, though I was pretty sure that the couch and television made that rather obvious.

"I think Jasper is more interested in seeing your bedroom, Bella," Alice interrupted matter-of-factly.

I silently thanked god that she'd said it. I mean, someone had to. I probably would have given them a tour of the neighborhood and the local supermarket before I got up the guts myself.

I turned back toward them and smiled wickedly. "I hope you want to see it too, Ali, because that's where I'm taking you next."

Jasper's brown eyes were staring at me intensely, and I stopped moving for a moment to return his gaze, watching the heavy rise and fall of his chest under what I now realized was a Chicago Bears jersey. At some point later, I'd wonder why this Las Vegas boy was wearing a Chicago jersey, but at that moment, I was just wondering how soon I could get it off of him.

I was brought out of my musings by Alice, nudging me down the hall from behind. Remembering what I was doing, I led the two of them the rest of the way down the hall, and then stood to the side of my bedroom door, letting them enter first.

Following them in, I realized that Jasper was carrying two overnight bags and had his guitar case slung over his shoulder. I wondered how in the hell I had missed that.

"You can set your stuff down over here, by the closet," I offered. I stood there, hands in my pockets, while he did so, waiting for someone to make a move. I was just too...I don't know, sober? Insecure? Socially inept? To do it myself.

I watched Jasper set his things down and walk slowly back over to me. I was so busy watching him that I didn't even notice Alice come up behind me until her warm breath on my neck made my jump.

"Come on, Bella. Kiss him already."

It was a just a whisper, but those six words were as much a request as a demand. And somehow, they were all that I needed.

I stepped forward, closing the distance between myself and Jasper. My heart was pounding in my chest as my hands came up to cup his face. I smiled, biting my lower lip just a little bit as my body pressed up against his.

"Nice to see you again," I whispered, just inches from his face.

"I feel the same way," he said, his voice soft and low. Then he leaned down the rest of the way, bringing our lips together. His hands were on my back, behind my shoulders, and even though it was a gentle kiss on the lips, my entire body felt it.

He tilted his head to the side, his lower lip reaching down to encompass mine, sucking it gently. I heard a soft moan slip from my throat as I held his face tighter, letting myself fall deeper into our kiss. It had been two weeks since the first time he'd kissed me. In this moment, with his tongue slipping into my mouth, I felt like I'd been lost in the desert for those two weeks, and Jasper was water.

Suddenly, there were hands circling my stomach, lifting my shirt from the hem: Alice. I could feel her breasts pressing against my back, her soft lips teasing my shoulders. I dropped a hand from Jasper's face and reached down to cover Alice's hand with mine, but never left Jasper's lips.

I kissed him until I ran out of air, and then pulled back, letting my head fall back onto Alice's shoulder and pulling him down toward me. I opened my eyes to look at Alice after she slipped my black shirt over my head.

"Bed," I ordered, already too swirly in the head to form a sentence.

Clothes were pulled off with every step toward the bed. I worked open the button on Jasper's jeans while I stumbled, trapped between my two lovers, his arms reaching around me, pulling Alice's shirt over her head. By the time we reached my bed, my jeans were puddling around my ankles and my bra hanging on at my elbows. Jasper was completely naked, and Alice, who was the first one into my bed, had on only green and white striped socks and a pair of ruffled white panties. Kicking my pants off of my feet, I looked back and forth between the two of them, thinking I was the luckiest girl on the planet at this very moment, and then climbed into bed.

I crawled up the mattress toward Alice, who was propped up on the pillows near the headboard. When I was close enough to touch, I reached my hand out, tentatively laying it on her belly, touching her with just my fingertips, letting them run down over her soft skin to the top of her little white panties. I let my finger trace the line they made across her midsection, and then started the trip back up her body, not stopping until I found her breasts. Cupping the fullest part, I leaned in toward her, keeping my eyes, now surely hooded, locked on hers as my tongue slipped out between my lips and began to circle her nipple.

Alice moaned, and Jasper groaned only seconds later. Until that moment, he'd been standing next to the bed, watching me as I made my move toward his wife. I pulled away from her just long enough to look over my shoulder at him.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked.

"Not a damn thing," he replied, nodding his head toward Alice, his way of telling me to get back to my business. I didn't need to be told twice.

Returning my attention to the woman now underneath me, I leaned in once again, covering her entire nipple with my mouth, teasing it with my tongue before sucking on it gently. I gasped, and bit down just a bit on her soft flesh when Jasper's tongue suddenly connected with my spine, licking a long, slow line from the top of my briefs to my shoulder blades.

"Mmmm..." I murmured against Alice's skin, letting her nipple slide out of my mouth before moving over to give the opposite one the same treatment. Alice was moving underneath me, squirming as she gathered a section of my black sheet in her fist.

My eyes were still on her, her reactions to me fueling my desire to give her even more. Her mouth was open; soft, shallow pants falling steadily from her lips, and I could see the fight in her eyes as she desperately tried to keep them open and on me.

Jasper, still behind me, was torturing me slowly with his tongue and lips on my back. I'd never realized, until now, just how sensitive my skin was. I could feel myself shivering under him, despite the heat that radiated from his body. His hands were moving over my skin, gently tracing my sides before sliding around to cup my breasts, squeezing them in his palms. His hands were warm, the skin that covered them rough and calloused. The texture made my body respond even more intensely to his touch.

I finally took my mouth off of Alice's nipple, and licked the underside of each breast, tracing the curved line of each swell with my tongue. I would have laughed at the way that she shuddered beneath me, had Jasper not caused the same reaction at me seconds later when his chest pressed against my back and his lips closed over that sensitive spot on my next just behind my ear.

"Kiss me," Alice demanded, her small hands grasping at my upper arms and pulling me toward her.

Moving slowly, so as not to disturb Jasper above me, I used my knees to push myself forward until I could reach her lips, and then gave her what she wanted. I took her bottom lip between mine and kissed her over and over. My body coming to rest on hers, no longer holding my weight off of her, and I let myself melt into her. One hand tangled in her hair and the other held her cheek, caressing her skin lightly as I moaned into her mouth.

Jasper had moved off of me, and was now laying on his side, watching his two girls kiss each other. His hand moved over us, touching one and both of us at the same time.

"It's so damn hot watching you two like this," he whispered.

I moaned in reply to his words, Alice swallowing the sound as our mouths never parted. Jasper took my waist in his hands and pulled me so that I lay between himself and Alice. His hands were everywhere: my thighs, my sides, my breasts... And now that we were side by side, Alice's hands were moving all over my body as well.

I thought for sure I was going to explode with desire when Alice's sock-covered calf hitched over my hip, rubbing back and forth slowly over my skin. I felt Jasper's arm tighten across my waist as he reached over me to grab his wife by the ass, pulling her toward us so that there was no space, only a layer of lace and one of mesh between us. I could feel her wetness rub against my own as she moved, and the hardness of Jasper was pressing firmly against my ass from behind.

It was too much. It was not enough. It was hardly anything, yet everything at the same time. My mouth could only form one word: "more."

"We've ignored Jasper for too long, baby," Alice said, finally pulling away from me. "We should give him some attention."

I couldn't agree more. Turning onto my other side to face him, I attacked his mouth hungrily, kissing him hard and deep. It was different than kissing Alice, but incredible in it's own way. I wondered if I could ever get enough.

Alice's soft hands traveled over my chest and stomach as I kissed him. One hand dipped into my panties, sliding under the lace without warning, and the sudden thrust of my hips against Jasper as her fingertip swept over my clit made all three of us moan.

"I want you both," Jasper panted. "I want to have you both right now, at the same time."

I tilted my head to the side, looking at him in confusion for a moment, trying to figure out how he was going to accomplish that.

"Come here," Alice directed, pulling me back toward her.

I scooted back on the mattress with her, and then watched as Jasper settled himself on his back, directly in the center of the bed.

"Come on," he said, looking back and forth between Alice and me with a lusty smile.

And then I understood. I looked at Alice, silently asking her what she preferred. She answered by rising up on her knees, pulling the ruffled panties down over her hips, and then sat back down and slipped them the rest of the way off. The socks stayed on. Seconds later, she was positioning herself over Jasper's hips, up on her knees with his length in her hand.

She nodded toward his smiling face, and I understood that she was waiting for me to take my place before beginning. I bit my lip nervously.

"Bella, come on," Jasper encouraged and pleaded at once. "Let me taste you."

A chill ran through my body, and I could feel myself getting even wetter. This was going to happen, just like he'd told me over and over. And while part of my brain was in panic mode, worrying that I was somehow going to suffocate him like this, I listened to the rest, which was apparently in cahoots with my girly bits, and moved up the bed, settling a knee on either side of Jasper's head.

And then it all began. Jasper reached up with each hand, taking hold of my thighs, and pulled me down toward his face. The longest, lowest moan I'd probably ever made in my life came from my mouth as his tongue found my flesh and licked all the way up my folds. Jasper moaned as well, the sound muffled by my skin as he wrapped his lips around my clit, when Alice lowered herself onto him.

Overstimulated, I closed my eyes for a minute and lost myself in the sensations Jasper was creating in me. I was shaking and moaning and pulling fistfuls of my own hair.

_ His tongue. His tongue was on my...Oh holy fuck, it felt good. _

I didn't even realize I was moving, but suddenly, I found myself holding on to Alice around her shoulders, leaning forward enough to meet her lips, from which a steady stream of obscenities were falling. I shut her up quickly, though, covering her mouth with my own in a passionate kiss.

When I needed air, I pulled back, sitting up straighter again, giving Jasper a different angle. I cursed as his tongue lapped at me, the feeling overpowering my ability to think at all. And then, when I finally forced my eyes to open again, I saw the most erotic sight of my life: directly across from me sat my vanity table, the mirror of which was reflecting for me the image of Alice riding Jasper's cock, her body moving slowly up and down his length. I watched as it disappeared into her with each downstroke, the sight of it, as well as the memory of the way he felt inside of me, making me crazy with need.

"Oh my fucking god," I moaned. "Holy...oh god."

Jasper growled against me, not knowing what I was seeing, but apparently turned on by my vocalization. His growl vibrated against my flesh, and suddenly, it was all too much. The coil in my stomach, which had been growing ever tighter, exploded all at once, and I collapsed into Alice, crying out in pleasure as I ground my pussy harder against Jasper's tongue, unable to stop myself.

Jasper grabbed my hips and held me still, licking straight through until I was no longer shaking. I climbed off of him then, falling limply onto the mattress beside him.

"Holy crap," I panted.

Jasper and Alice both laughed, and then I watched as Alice leaned down and began kissing Jasper. I knew that she could taste me on him – there was no way she couldn't – and I couldn't begin to explain how insanely hot I found that fact.

"Fuck me, Jasper," Alice demanded, licking her lips as she climbing off of Jasper. She turned so that she was on her hands and knees over me, and Jasper got up and moved around behind her immediately.

Alice lowered herself down to her elbows and brought her lips to mine. Just as our lips met, Jasper entered her, pushing her harder against me. Our breasts smashed against each other and I tangled my hands in her hair, holding her against me as we kissed to the rhythm of Jasper's thrusts.

A few minutes later, Alice began to whimper. She pulled back from our kiss and buried her face in my shoulder, her sounds growing higher in pitch with each slap of Jasper's thighs against hers until she finally rewarded us both with a cry in the the quivery voice that told us she was coming. She said both of our names, and then pressed her lips against mine once again, kissing me with everything left in her as she rode out her pleasure.

She finally pulled away and looked at me with exhaustion written across her features. "He hasn't come yet, baby. Make our boy come."

I was extremely impressed with his stamina. "With pleasure," I replied as she crawled off of me.

Jasper smiled down at me, and then moved forward, settling himself between my thighs and placing his tip at my entrance.

"I've been dying to be inside you for two weeks," he whispered before pushing his hips forward, filling me in one quick thrust.

Our groans came in harmony with each other. It felt so good. Better than the first time, even. I reached over with one hand and held onto Alice, then grabbed Jasper around the neck with the other.

"God, you feel good," I breathed as he began to move.

Alice laced her fingers through mine and began kissing my neck and shoulders lightly, her actions contrasting his as Jasper's thrusts got harder and harder.

It didn't take long before I was on edge again, the extremely erotic nature of what we were doing combined with how wonderful it felt to be with them again, touching and kissing and feeling Jasper inside of me.

It was clearly affecting Jasper just as strongly. His breath came in heavy pants as his thrusts began to get erratic.

"Oh god, Bella," he rasped. "So fucking close."

I watched as his body began to shudder, shoulders first, and then on down his torso.

"Yes, Jasper," I moaned, knowing he was going to come. "Fuck yes, baby."

And then I felt it – he was twitching inside of me. It was all I needed to throw me over the edge, the twitches making him move against me in the most delicious ways.

I squeezed Alice's hand and pulled Jasper down against me by his hair, kissing him hard, moaning into his mouth as I came apart around him. I felt him as he spilled into me, his whole body shaking against mine. I swallowed his low groan, the sexiness of the sound increasing the intensity of my orgasm.

We came long and hard, kissing and shuddering, until Jasper finally collapsed on me, letting his full weight lay on me. I held him, enjoying the pressure of his body against mine, and panted against his neck, never letting go of Alice's hand.

A minute of two later, he finally pulled out of me, and slid off to the side, taking his place between Alice and me. I immediately curled my body around his, resting my head against his sweaty chest.

"Wow," I breathed. "Just...wow."

**A/N: I can't wait to hear what you thought of this one. Previews in review replies, as always. Until Friday... You know.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to karmabalance, my amazing pre-reader/cheerleader, who gives me confidence and encouragement every time I need it, and JaspersBella, who is always full of helpful insights.**

_ A minute of two later, he finally pulled out of me, and slid off to the side, taking his place between Alice and me. I immediately curled my body around his, resting my head against his sweaty chest. _

_ "Wow," I breathed. "Just...wow." _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 15**

Two more full plays of the Kings of Leon album, the three of us were finally ready to get out of bed. Even if I tried until the day I died, I was sure I'd never be able to figure out how Jasper had managed to screw not one, but two women, to within an inch of their lives. Four times.

Four times.

He laughed at me, as I dragged myself out of the bed, my legs shaking so much that I had to grab on to one of the bed posters to keep from falling.

"Having a little trouble there?" he asked, smirking a bit.

Smug bastard.

Sex god.

"I might be a little tired," I said, laughing with him. "But I mean, seriously, Jasper. Damn!"

I felt like a moron. What kind of English major makes a sentence like that?

Apparently the kind who has just had her brains literally fucked right out of her.

At least I was moving. Alice hadn't gotten up from the bed yet. And while I wasn't doing a whole lot better than her, Jasper was somehow already dressed and opening my bedroom door.

How was he doing it?

"Oh fuck," he said, laughing so hard that he was grabbing his sides.

"What?" Alice and I asked in unison.

"This room _reeks_ of sex," he explained, still laughing. "Seriously. Come smell the hall, and then walk back into the room."

I did as he asked, and then started laughing right along with him. "We better open the window," I said, shaking my head. "Or, you know, bottle this shit and sell it under the brand name of '7 orgasms'."

"Was it that many?" Jasper asked, looking impressed.

I just nodded, then turned back to Alice, who was still sprawled across my bed looking something like a chalk drawing of a murder victim in a cartoon. I offered her my hand. "Come on, Ali. We gotta feed our guy."

She took my hand and I pulled, helping her out of the bed. We got dressed silently, and then the three of us made our way down the hall to the living room, where we immediately collapsed on my big leather couch.

"There is no way on earth I am cooking anything, sorry," I said. "How's pizza sound?"

Jasper immediately agreed, and Alice nodded her acceptance tiredly from her position leaning up against his side. We took a minute to discuss toppings, and then I picked my iphone up from the table and called Dominos.

"You wanna watch a movie while we wait?" I asked. I could tell that none of us was interested in any type of activity at the moment.

They readily agreed, and I walked over to the entertainment center and opened the cupboard on the top of it that held my DVD collection. Scanning over the titles, I tried to find something that I thought would appeal to all of us right now.

"Perfect!" I exclaimed, pulling the box containing _Office Space_ down from the shelf. I turned and held it up for my lovers to see.

A grin spread across Jasper's face. "Fuckin A!" he called, laughing. "I love this movie!"

And so it was settled. I placed the disc in the player and then took my place on the couch beside Alice, who immediately wrapped her arm around my shoulders and held me against her.

We stayed like that until the pizza came, quoting along with the movie every time a favorite line was spoken, and laughing at the funniest parts. When I entered the living room with cans of soda, paper plates, napkins, and pizza boxes, Alice and Jasper moved off of the couch to sit on the floor and eat.

Our sexathon had clearly worked up quite an appetite; between the three of us, we ate two whole pizzas and an order of cheesy bread too.

When we were done, we settled back on the couch to enjoy the rest of the movie, Jasper taking the left arm of the couch, Alice beside him, snuggled into his side, and me laying across the right end of the couch, my head in her lap. As the movie played, I found my body relaxing and my eyes closing as I enjoyed the feeling of Alice's fingers running through my hair. Her touch was so soft, so tender, and as I let myself lean into it, I finally understood why cats purr.

As much as I was enjoying the connection with Alice, I found myself longing to touch Jasper as well. His hand was dangling on the back of the couch, right above me, and that was all the invitation I needed. I reached up and twined my fingers through his, and he immediately squeezed my hand. Even though my back was too him, I knew that he was smiling.

We stayed just like that for the rest of the movie, the connection between each of us flowing through our simple touches. The only sounds were the random recitation of movie lines or laughter. The rest of the world didn't exist anymore; it was just the three of us. And I felt nothing but happiness.

When the credits began to roll at the end of the movie, I braced my feet on the arm of the couch and pushed myself back toward Alice until I was close enough to kiss her. Her tender touch throughout the last hour had endeared her to me, and I wanted to show her, through my kiss, just how special I thought she was.

My lips pressed against hers, moving slowly in tandem with her own, keeping it gentle as I enjoyed the soft warmth of her mouth. My left hand was still on the back of the couch, wrapped in Jasper's, and I pulled them both down, resting our hands on Alice's shoulder, letting my thumb stroke her neck.

I reached up blindly with my other hand, finding Jasper's face and cupping his cheek, wanting to share the moment with him as well. He understood, and his other hand came to rest on my waist, as he wrapped his arm around me. The warmth of his arm, and the support that it gave me, added to the moment a feeling of security, and I wanted to give him more. I tilted my face in the opposite direction and then applied pressure with my right hand to his cheek, directing him closer to us, until his lips met ours. And so we sat, the three of us, wrapped around each other, sharing one kiss.

I have always firmly believed that there are moments that a person can point to in their lives, moments that they can say "that is when everything changed." The first time I kissed Alice was obviously one of those moments. And, while I may not have realized it at the time that it happened, when the three of us shared our first kiss, it was, without a doubt, one of those life-altering moments.

I turned my face and glanced out the window after we ended the kiss, needing a minute to calm myself down after the emotional intensity of the moment I'd just shared with Jasper and Alice.

It was dark already, though not late yet. Untangling myself from the arms and legs on the couch, I rose and turned off the television, then made my way down the hall, stopping to turn on the lights, and returned a minute later with Jasper's guitar in hand.

I passed it to him. "Play for us?"

He smiled, and Alice pulled herself up so that she was not leaning on him anymore. "Sure, I can do that," he said happily.

Alice excused herself to freshen up, and I cleaned up the mess left from our dinner while Jasper tuned his guitar. I heard him beginning to play as I loaded the dishwasher, and hurried in to listen, sitting down in the rocking chair next to the couch with my legs dangling over the arm. He was halfway through the first song when Alice returned, sitting on the floor in front of my chair and letting her head rest against my hip.

We listened to Jasper play for probably forty minutes, during which time he played the Nirvana and Amos Lee covers that he'd sent me mp3s of already, as well as some all-instrumental tracks and a few songs that I hadn't heard him play before. I watched him closely as he played, following the intricate movement of his pick over the strings for a while, and then shifting my eyes up to track the progression of the melody as his fingers danced across the frets.

I could have watched to him play forever and never been bored.

"He's amazing," I whispered to Alice while Jasper played something that I didn't recognize. It sounded like something he'd written himself – the heavy use of the lower strings giving it that unique Jasper Whitlock sound. Alice just nodded, and I lost myself in Jasper's guitar again, absently stroking up and down her arm with one finger.

I kept my eyes on Jasper, mesmerized, watching his expressions change with the emotion of the song he was playing. I smiled, thinking how amazing it was that he was sharing his talent with me like this. As he looked up at me, catching me staring at him, his face flushed a bit and he dropped his eyes back down to his strings. He had no idea, and that made him even more special.

A few songs later, Jasper set his guitar on the floor beside the couch, leaning it up against the arm, and ran his hand through his short hair, smiling self-consciously.

"Thank you," I said, smiling as I caught his eye. He grinned back at me and patted his lap. I pushed myself up out of the rocking chair and walked the few steps over to the couch, stopping when I was right in front of him. I stared at him for a second, biting my lip, then finally climbed into his lap, facing him with my knees straddling his legs and my hands on his shoulders.

"How ya doing, rockstar?" I whispered.

"Better now," he replied, just before his lips crashed up into mine.

He held me firmly, one hand on my back, the other wrapped in my hair against my neck, as his tongue slid into my mouth, deepening the kiss. He swirled his tongue around mine, and I opened my mouth even wider against his, wanting to be even closer. He moved his hand slowly down my back, finally reaching my ass and filling his palm with it, squeezing as he pulled me toward him. I moved with his direction until my body was pressing against his and I could feel how hard he was.

The bulging of his jeans was positioned perfectly underneath me, and after taking a second to just be impressed with the fact that he was miraculously hard again, I pressed myself into it, grinding a bit and moaning into his mouth at the friction.

"Come on," Alice said huskily as she slapped my ass, creating a sting that made me gasp, then moan in pleasure. I pulled my face back from Jasper's and watched as Alice's shirt hit the floor about halfway down the hall, and her bra fell just as she entered my bedroom.

"Let's go," I said to Jasper, looking at him with lust-filled eyes before I gave him one more passionate kiss. I slid off of his lap and held out my hand, pulling him up with me, then ran down the hall to join Alice in my bed.

When Jasper and I rounded the corner to enter my room, the sight that greeted us left us both moaning: Alice was laying in my bed, lounging against a pile of pillows, her eyes closed and lips parted. She was touching herself.

"Looks like she might need our help, Jas," I said, licking my lips.

Jasper nodded and walked purposefully over to the bed, climbing up into it and taking Alice's knees between his hands, pushing them further apart. I stood by the side of the bed, watching as he nudged her hand out of his way and then nuzzled her clit with his nose. I couldn't see his tongue, but I had no doubt, given the way Alice began writhing under him, that he was using it.

I knew what that tongue felt like, so it was impossible to stop the shivers that watching him created. As sexy and erotic as this was, though, my lovers were within touching distance, something that didn't happen everyday, so I was not content with just watching.

I quickly stripped off my clothes and climbed into the bed with them, crawling over to Alice and covering her open mouth with mine, kissing her deeply. I let my hands graze her breasts and her stomach, never stopping anywhere, just teasing her with the light touches. She moaned, time after time, into our kiss, until I finally had to pull away to breathe.

"He's so good with his tongue, isn't he baby?" I whispered into her ear just before I bit down on the fleshy part of the lobe. Her reply was a desperate-sounding moan. I smirked, understanding. "I think I better make sure he's rewarded for his efforts, don't you?"

Alice opened her eyes and stared directly into mine for just a second, the lust making her look almost crazed. "Fuck yes."

I kissed her one last time, then moved down in the bed, straddling Jasper's ass. I quickly removed his shirt, then started by pressing open-mouthed kisses all along his shoulder and up his neck. I knew he enjoyed that when he began to growl against Alice, making her call out as well. I let my body rest against his, his hot skin like fire against my breasts as I reached around him, finding the button of his pants and undoing it as quickly as I could.

A minute later, we were all naked. I climbed back into the bed, laying on my back near the bottom, just beside Jasper. He was up on his knees already, giving me the access I needed, so after several kisses to his abdomen, I sank down to the place I really wanted to be.

Taking his cock in my hand, I circled the tip with my tongue several times, pleased with the sounds I drew from him, and then licked across the slit, getting my first taste of him that was beading there already. It was warm and a mix of sweet and sour. I'd gagged, the few times I'd ever watched porn, when girls took the cumshot, thinking it would be gross. But in that instant, I found myself wanting to suck him until he finished.

Resuming my focus, I let my lips slide all the way down his length, taking all of him in my mouth. I was a little bit smug, and a lot turned on, by the deep, throaty groan that rolled out of Jasper as I slowly pulled back, taking my mouth all the way to his tip to circle the head before diving down to the base once again.

"Turn, Bella," Alice commanded through pants.

I did as she asked, not taking my mouth off of Jasper as I swung my legs around in the opposite direction so that they were facing her. There was a bit of shifting around, but a quick peek from the corner of my eye told me that Jasper was no more distracted from his task than I was.

I moaned, loud and muffled, around Jasper's dick as Alice's fingers entered me. It wasn't quite the oral triangle that Jasper and I had envisioned the week before, but fuck if it wasn't just as good. Her fingers felt so good, and she changed speed over and over so that I never knew what to expect. She twisted her hand, letting her thumb rub my clit as she thrust her fingers into me time and again.

"Fuck," I groaned as I let Jasper slip from my mouth for a moment to watch Alice fall apart. She trapped Jasper's head between her knees and thrashed her head from side to side as his tongue took her over the edge.

When Alice fell limp against the pillows, Jasper sat up quickly and turned, pinning me down on my bed. He wiped his face with the back of his hand before crashing his lips into mine, kissing me hard while he positioned himself at my entrance. His hand were wrapped around my shoulders, and he held me in place as he thrust into me.

I could taste Alice on his tongue as we kissed, and her honeyed flavor mixed perfectly with the essence of Jasper himself, turning my desire up yet another notch. Planting my feet on the mattress, I raised my hips to meet each thrust, and our skin made the sexiest slapping sounds each time our hips met. This was hard and needy, both of us already close before we started, but wanting to share it with each other.

Alice, finally regaining the ability to move, crawled across the bed to lay beside me, slipping her hand between Jasper and me to caress my breasts.

"He's getting close, Bella...Mmmm, his muscles are already tight in his back. Does he feel good, baby? Do you like his dick inside of you?"

My brain turned to mush with Alice's words. She did this every time... She knew exactly how to make me fall apart, and I was getting there fast. I dug my nails hard into Jasper's back, holding him even more tightly as I began to lose control of my body.

"Oh god, there's that flush I love... Look, Jasper..." Alice's hands were barely touching me, ghosting over my chest. My head fell back from his and I turned my face toward Alice, watching her with hooded eyes as her light touches and words took us both to the edge.

It only took seconds for Jasper's shoulders to start shaking. The groan came low and heavy as the shudders took over his entire body.

"Come on, baby," Alice encouraged. "Give it to him, Bella. Let Jasper feel you come around him."

Whatever the sounds that left my mouth at that moment were, I'd never know. All I knew was that Jasper twitched inside of me, and that, combined with Alice's sweet voice whispering such dirty things into my ear, set off fireworks behind my eyes.

It took several minutes before I could speak as Jasper, Alice, and I laid side by side, panting and exhausted, our feet near the pillows. "You know, we're going to have to turn around at some point," I said half-heartedly, still in no condition to move. Neither of them responded in any way. "Or not," I said, giggling.

Jasper, who was still holding my hand, turned his face toward me. "We can do it," he said, his eyes barely opening. I nodded, trying to encourage him.

He waited a moment, gathering his energy, I guess, and then started to move. His actions, however, had a bit more of an effect than we expected, and the next thing any of us knew, we were on the floor, laughing hysterically.

"What the fuck just happened?" I said, wiping away the tears that had come with so much laughter.

"I think we just broke your new bed!" Alice exclaimed.

Jasper untangled himself from us and got down on his hands and knees to peer under the bed, which was clearly lower in the area of the corner we'd just been lying on than the rest of it. A moment later, his laughter filled the room again.

He backed up, and sat up to look at us, trying – and failing – to look serious. "We seem to have displaced three of the wood slats. I don't know _how_ we pulled that off, exactly, but the good news is that they aren't actually broken."

I shook my head, looking back and forth between him and Alice, fighting the giggles that wanted to spill forth. "Well that's good, at least. Because that would have been really hard to explain to the furniture store."

The three of us couldn't contain the laughter any longer, and Alice and I laid on the floor giggling as Jasper lifted the corner of the mattress and adjusted the positioning of the wood slats that it sat on so that the bed would be safe once again. He turned to us as he set the mattress back down into it's place.

"I don't know about you two, but I'm about ready for some sleep."

Alice and I quickly agreed, and the three of us climbed back into the bed – Ali and I made Jasper get in first, just to make sure it wasn't going to collapse – and situated ourselves up on the pillows, me in the middle with one of my lovers on either side.

"Do you have any good sleeping music?" Jasper asked. "Ali can't sleep with silence."

I smiled, glad to hear that, since I was the same in that respect. "Absolutely," I replied, raising up on my knees and reaching across Alice to click the Iron and Wine icon on the itunes, then moved back across the bed, kissing her softly on the lips on my way.

I laid back down between them and looked over at Ali as she lifted herself up on her elbow and grinned at Jasper and me. "I think this is going to go just swimmingly."

I leaned over and kissed her one more time, loving the smile on her face. "I think so too," Jasper whispered as he wrapped his arms around both of us.

When Jasper laid back down a minute later, and Alice turned on her side, facing away from us, I snuggled into my spot. Pulling the covers up, I turned toward Jasper, kissing him gently and whispering goodnight. He returned my kiss and then wrapped his arms around me, holding me against him. My insides warmed as I rested my head in the crook of his shoulder, tangling my legs around his, the entire front of my body pressed against him.

"Good night, sweetheart," he whispered, pressing one more kiss against my forehead.

I reached back with one hand, finding Alice's hand and twining my fingers with hers, leaving my other hand resting on Jasper's chest. I could feel his heart beating under my palm, and smiled, my body relaxing into his.

I fell asleep in seconds, a smile on my face. I was exactly where I wanted to be.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I send previews in all my review replies. Until next Tuesday. You know. Always.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Thanks, as always, to Karmabalance, for being an awesome cheerleader/pre-reader, and to JaspersBella, whose insights are such a great guide. **

_ I fell asleep in seconds, a smile on my face. I was exactly where I wanted to be._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 16**

I slept soundly that night, more so than usual, really. The steady thump of Jasper's heart in my ear, and the slow rise and fall of his chest under my hand soothed me so much that when I woke with rays of sunshine peeking through my curtains, I hadn't moved an inch from the position in which I'd fallen asleep. I stayed silent as my eyes adjusted to the morning, the only outward sign I gave of being awake was the small, slow circles that I traced on Jasper's chest.

I loved the feeling of waking up in his arms, my naked body held against his, absorbing his warmth. It didn't escape my notice that, even after a full day of sexy times and a night of sleep, Jasper still smelled good. I nuzzled my face into his side and inhaled deeply. He smelled like... Jasper. Whatever the fuck that scent was, I wanted to bottle it and spray it regularly around my house when he wasn't around.

My sniffing of him, which, yes, even I can admit probably seemed a little strange, apparently woke Jasper, but he, like me, chose to remain quiet. I knew that he was no longer sleeping when his hand rose from his side and reached across his chest, so that he was now lightly stroking my hair and cheek.

I tilted my face up to look at him as I enjoyed his tender touch.

"Good morning," he whispered. He looked so happy and serene as he gazed down at me.

"Hey," I replied softly, smiling. "You sleep good?"

"Not so much... I couldn't stop listening to the music. What were you playing?"

"It's Iron and Wine... They're kinda indie, I guess. I don't know. They're one of my favorite bands. Did you like them?"

"Yeah, a little too much."

I laughed softly. "I'm sorry you didn't get much sleep. You sure deserved some."

"It's ok," he said, leaning down to kiss my lips softly. "It was nice just to hold you all night."

I felt the blush color my cheeks and dropped my eyes away from his face. It was far too dangerous to admit just how much I liked sleeping in his arms. After a moment, I looked back up at him. "Is Ali still sleeping?" She had let go of my hand at some point in the night, which didn't surprise me much, considering what Jasper had told me in the past about her sleeping habits, but I missed her, even though she was laying only inches away from me.

Jasper looked to the side without turning his head, then nodded at me.

"Maybe we should wake her up?"

"Probably so. We have to get on the road in..." Jasper paused to look at his watch. "Just under two hours. I hate to wake her; she needs the sleep - she has to work tonight. But I know she wouldn't want to waste the last bit of her time with you sleeping."

I frowned. I wasn't ready for them to leave. Then again, even if they had another whole day to stay here with me, I probably still wouldn't want them to go. Knowing that my time was limited, though, I decided not to waste it.

Reaching up to give Jasper one more kiss, I rolled out of his arms and onto my opposite side so that I was facing Alice. I scooted closer to her, bringing my body flush against hers from behind, curling around her so that no part of our bodies were not connected. I began pressing soft kisses over her shoulders and the exposed side of her neck.

"Good morning sweetheart," I whispered against her soft skin between kisses. I let my hands slip around either side of her body and cupped her bare breasts in my hands, just barely squeezing them.

Alice had barely begun to move when Jasper's large hands covered mine, and I found myself pressed between my two lovers. She leaned her head further to the side to give me better access, and I let my lips and tongue continue their exploration of her throat while Jasper moved my hands over her breasts and stomach, sinking lower with each pass.

As Jasper guided my hands, he began to tease my earlobe with his tongue. I squirmed in response, and my movements did nothing but encourage him as he grew harder and longer against the back of my thigh.

Alice murmured her appreciation of our actions as our hands swept even lower, pressing her ass back against me. My desire was growing with every second, and I loved the way that her back felt rubbing against my sensitive nipples. When Jasper's hand guided mine over Alice's warm, wet slit, I shivered just as hard as she did, and my movement made him groan.

"I need you," he rasped, pressing his hips harder against me.

"Mmm..." I replied, lifting my top leg and hitching my knee over Alice's hips to give him the access he needed.

He kept his bottom hand over mine and returned them to Alice's breasts, giving each one attention in turn. His other hand moved away from me, and I felt it a moment later when it guided himself to my entrance, his fingers rubbing over me to ensure I was ready for him.

I was.

I always was.

I slid the hand he'd abandoned over Alice, letting the palm apply just the right amount of pressure as I passed her clit, then teasing her entrance with my fingertips before I traced back up the slit. I teased her, following Jasper's lead as he rubbed the head of his cock against me, making me whimper and writhe between him and Alice.

Ali reached back with one hand, grabbing the back of my head and pulling it toward her as she tilted her face toward me, meeting my lips in the middle in a blazing kiss. I let my fingers find her clit at the same time that her tongue found mine, and began to rub it, reveling at the moan that she let pour into my mouth.

Jasper, groaning at what he saw from us, had had enough teasing as well, and thrust his hips forward, filling me in one quick move. He held my hip firmly as he moved slowly within me, letting me feel every inch of him as he rubbed against me in the most delicious way. I matched his rhythm with my fingers on Alice, the three of us moving and moaning together as if we were one being.

I reached back with my free hand and found the top of Jasper's head, holding on to his short hair and pulling his face toward me until I could feel his hot breath on my ear. I reveled in his closeness, his body curving around me, touching me in every way possible form behind as Alice's body lay against my every curve in the front. I bit my lip as I pulled away from Alice's lips for air, not wanting to speak, afraid of what I might say if I did.

When I caught my breath, I turned my face and let my lips find Jasper's, and kissed him slowly and sensually. I heard Alice's responding groan, and quickened the speed of my fingers against her. I smiled against Jasper's lips as I felt Alice begin to squirm against me, my actions bringing her closer and closer.

"That's right, baby," I whispered, turning back toward Alice. "Let me make you come."

"Mmm...oh fuck, Bella..." Alice murmured as Jasper's thrusts got harder.

When he began to nibble on my ear, my fingers began to move erratically and I was writhing right along with Alice.

"Please," I begged. I was speaking to them both. I was right on the edge, and trying my hardest to wait for him. But then Jasper's finger slipped between Alice and me and found my clit, and waiting was no longer an option. "Oh...Oh god...Jasper...Ali...oh fuck."

I felt myself clenching around Jasper, every single muscle in my body tightening as the pleasure overtook my thoughts. I barely heard Jasper as he growled into my ear, his arms tightening around me, shaking and squeezing me as he came.

All three of us fell limp and silent against the pillows, arms and legs intertwined, the only sound in the room our heavy breathing and the soft melodies of Iron and Wine, which was still playing from my macbook.

"That's a really nice way to wake up," I said softly, leaning in to press a kiss against Alice's shoulder. I was glad that she was letting me hold her. And that Jasper was holding me. Silently, I wished we didn't have to get up so soon.

Eventually, though, we did have to get up. Despite my excellent efforts using my lips to keep her distracted, Alice finally pulled away and told Jasper that they needed to get on the road.

"You should probably shower first," I said as she climbed out of bed, remembering how much the room smelled of sex, and assuming we did as well. That probably wasn't the way they wanted to greet their children or Alice's sister.

Jasper perked up immediately at my suggestion. "That's true," he said, pulling the shirt he'd just put on right back off over his head. I giggled at his enthusiasm from my spot in the bed.

Alice agreed as well, and so I rose from the bed and walked out into the hall to gather some towels from the linen closet.

A few minutes later, the water temperature was perfect and the three of us were only slightly crowded under the spray of my extra large shower head. We took turns, over the next several minutes, pressing our bodies together as we rotated our bodies to switch places, giving each person a turn to douse their body with the warm water.

Smiling at Alice as I took her place under the spray, I bent down and picked up the shampoo bottle, filling my palm with it, then stood up and told my girl to turn around. When she did so, I brought my hands up to her hair, rubbing the shampoo into it and gently massaging it into her head. I loved the feeling of taking care of her this way, and the soft moan of appreciation that I heard from her told me that she was enjoying it as well.

When I finished Alice's hair, I stepped back, leaning against Jasper to let her take my place under the spray. His arms encircled me and he brought his chin down to rest on my shoulder, pressing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"Let me wash your hair now?" he asked.

I nodded in response, and he picked up the shampoo bottle and went to work. There was no describing the way his fingertips felt against my scalp as he worked. His touch was so firm, yet tender, and his entire body was pressing against me. He didn't stop immediately once the lather was built, instead continuing to massage my scalp.

I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in the way it felt, jumping with surprise a moment later when Alice's hands came down over my breasts. I opened my eyes to see her smiling at me, her hands covered in body wash, traveling over my abdomen. I felt so cared for, so special, as they worked together to clean my body. Despite our closeness and the fact that we were all wet and naked, this moment wasn't sexual at all.

But it was perfect.

When they were done cleaning me, I took my place under the water to rinse while Jasper washed Alice's body. We switched places again, Alice rinsing while I shampooed Jasper's hair.

Just as I finished with that, Alice opened the shower door. "I'm done; you two finish up," she said, looking over her shoulder at us as she stepped out and picked up a towel off of the counter before she closed the door behind her.

Jasper and I stayed silent as I reverently washed his body, feeling happy as I looked up to see his eyes closed and a peaceful smile on his face. I was glad that I could give him such a feeling. When all of his body had been covered in body wash, I rose up from my knees, letting my body slide against his soapy skin as I came to stand in front of him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I lifted my lips to meet his, kissing him while the water flowed over his shoulders and down between our chests.

We didn't stop kissing until the water began to chill, then he pulled back from me. "I guess that's our sign that it's time to get out," he whispered, looking as disappointed as I felt.

I nodded and stepped back, letting him rinse the last of the soap from his body, and then doing the same myself as he stepped aside to give me space. Then I turned off the water and he reached out, picking up both towels and handing one to me.

We smiled at each other as we dried ourselves off, the quiet happiness of the shower maintained as long as we stayed in the small cubicle. He leaned down and gave me one last small kiss after we were both wrapped securely in our towels, and then opened the shower door and stepped out.

I followed him out of the bathroom, knowing that every shower I took from now on was going to be a let down.

Back in the bedroom, Alice was already dressed and packing their bag. I stayed quiet, not allowing my internal pouting to show on my face, as I slipped into the same jeans and shirt I'd worn the morning before and quietly admired the muscles in Jasper's back as they tensed and contracted with his movements as he dressed.

Dressed, I sat down at the stool in front of my vanity and picked up my brush, running it through my wet hair. I stopped in my tracks when Alice's hand covered my wrist.

"Let me," she said, smiling at me through the mirror.

I let her take the brush from me and continue the task I'd begun, once again enjoying the care that she showed me through her simple task. I could see Jasper gathering the last of their things in the mirror as Alice parted my hair into three sections and began to braid it, and caught her smile as she caught his eye. When the braid neared the end of my long hair, Alice pulled a hairband off of her wrist – she'd been wearing a collection of them on her wrists most of the weekend, since, between the two of us, there was a lot of hair getting in the way at inopportune moments – and wrapped it around the end. She took a step back, admiring her work, and then bent down and kissed me on the top of my head.

"It's perfect," she said.

I completely agreed. But I wasn't really talking about my hair.

"We have to get on the road, Jasper," Alice said, turning to look at her husband, who was now sitting on the edge of my bed. He sighed in unison with me.

"I know," he replied, his voice not hiding his dislike of the idea at all.

I hated it too. We hadn't even had a full twenty-four hours together. And while we'd made very good use of what little time we'd had, I was feeling selfish and greedy. I wanted more. For just a minute, I wanted to throw myself down on the floor and kick and scream and cry like a child, begging them not to go. Begging them to stay with me.

I was a grown up, though. I understood that they had responsibilities – jobs, children – that they had to get home to. I just really wished those responsibilities weren't so far away from me. I didn't want them to go. And in that moment, despite the fact that I knew that I shouldn't, and the dangers that I knew it presented, I admitted to myself that I would miss them the minute they walked out the door.

As Jasper carried their overnight bag and his guitar case down the call, I followed him and Alice, working hard to convince myself that the way I felt was normal. That it wasn't against the rules. That I was really just worried about missing the sex, not about missing them.

Yeah, lying to myself would work for now.

When we reached my front door, Jasper stopped and turned back toward me. Looking down at his arms, which were full of their things at that point, he must have realized that it would be rather impossible to hug me.

"I'm just going to run this out to the car. I'll be right back," he promised.

While we waited for him, I turned to Alice, wrapping my arms around her and leaning her back against the wall. I brought my face down so that my lips were just above hers. "I'm so glad you came," I whispered.

"Over and over again," she said, giggling.

I shook my head. "_So_ not what I meant," I said, laughing with her. Then I got serious again, looking into her eyes as I spoke. "I _meant_ that I enjoyed having you here. I had such a good time with you this weekend, baby. Thank you."

My thank you encompassed so many things. I was thanking her for visiting, for the pleasure she'd given me, for making me happy, for sharing her marriage with me. For sharing herself with me.

"I'm glad we came too," Alice replied. "We're definitely going to have to do this again. Soon."

Instead of answering, I just kissed her. I knew it was the last time I'd get to for weeks at least, and I was determined to enjoy it. Pushing aside all the sad feelings, I focused on the way her soft, sweet lips felt moving against mine.

I kissed her until I ran out of breath, and then finally pulled back, resting my forehead against hers. "Have a safe trip home," I said softly, not knowing how else to say goodbye to her.

"We will," she replied. "Now say goodbye to Jasper."

I stepped away from her and turned to find Jasper standing in the doorway, looking a bit like he'd just found out that Santa Clause wasn't real. I walked over to him and reached up to cup his cheek with my hand.

"Hey," I said softly, trying to smile at him, but probably not succeeding.

"I don't like this part," he mumbled as he closed the distance between us, his hands on my waist pulling me into him as his lips met mine.

I would have laughed at how badly timed his words were at that moment, but his tongue pressed against my lips and I opened my mouth for him, all thoughts of anything other than kissing him completely forgotten.

My hands traveled up his strong arms and around his shoulders, holding on to his back as his kiss made my insides tingle. He was kissing me as if it were the last time, making every bit of every second count. And it was amazing.

When he finally pulled back, I had to keep holding on to him, afraid that I might fall if I tried to stand on my own.

"Wow," I breathed, looking at him with wide eyes.

"You say that a lot," he said, smirking a little. He was right, though. He'd brought that word from my lips more than a few times in the past twenty hours.

"You make me say it a lot," I agreed. "Not that I'm complaining."

"I should hope you wouldn't," Alice teased, stepping over to join us, putting one arm around Jasper and one around me. "We really have to go, though. I'm sorry. But Cynthia is expecting us after lunch, and I have to try to nap before work tonight."

I nodded sadly. "I know. Drive safe."

I leaned in, angling myself between the two of them, and they understood, both of them meeting me in the middle for another shared kiss. I closed my eyes as I kissed them, trying to memorize the way it felt forever.

A few minutes later, I was standing by the large window in my living room, forcing myself not to cry as I watched Jasper and Alice drive away.

**A/N: As many of you know, FFn has it's period. Again. I post this story on TwiWrite . net as well, and I encourage all of you to start reading it over there. It's a fantastic site, has (knock on wood) never given us the crap that FFn does, doesn't take you down for MA stories... AND, you can use pictures to review. Tell me that isn't an epic win! **

**Wherever you read this, though, I'd love it if you'd review.**

**Until Friday... You know. Always.**

**T**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to karmabalance and jaspersbella for their prereading: you two are amazing. **

_ A few minutes later, I was standing by the large window in my living room, forcing myself not to cry as I watched Jasper and Alice drive away._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 17**

After Jasper's truck disappeared around the corner of my street, I left the window and collapsed on the couch. I was half-exhausted physically – apparently having more sex in one day than I'd had in the entire last year was rather draining.

More than the physical exhaustion, though, I was sad. Watching the taillights as they drove away was much harder than I thought it would be. Much harder than it should have been, really.

As I sat there on the couch, I had to be honest with myself. I knew that I was screwed. Feeling like this was against the rules. It was spelled out in the very first article of the constitution. And while I couldn't be thrown in prison for violating the laws that we had set for ourselves, there was still plenty of trouble that could come from it.

I decided, in that moment, that I needed a new plan. And my new plan was going to be to refocus my mind on sexy times with Jasper and Alice, and completely disregard the feelings that were trying to develop. I had to believe that I could stop these feelings in their track if I just ignored them hard enough. Because if I couldn't... Well, I didn't really want to think about that. It wasn't an option.

In a further attempt to think about anything other than how much I already missed Jasper and Alice, I decided I should clean up my house. There wasn't much mess, considering the fact that I'd cleaned before their arrival, and we'd barely left my bed while they were here, but there was no question that my sheets needed changing again, so I decided to start there.

When I arrived in my room, I noticed that the smell of sweat and sex was still rather powerful, so I walked over to my window and opened it wide. The spring air was pleasant as the breeze blew into my room, so I opened the curtains a bit wider as well to accommodate it.

Stepping away from the window and approaching my bed, I lifted the pillow that Jasper and I had shared from the mattress, bringing it up to my nose and inhaling deeply. I closed my eyes as I breathed in the scent of Jasper, sighing softly. I loved the way he smelled, but despite my double degrees in English and Journalism, and my career as a writer, could not come up with words to describe it. I breathed it in again; I missed him already.

Realizing my mistake, I quickly pulled the pillowcase off and tossed it to the floor. Reveling in Jasper's scent was not an option. I picked up the second pillow and removed its case, not allowing myself to pay any more attention to it than I would have on a normal day. My comforter had been kicked off the end of the bed earlier that morning, and the sheet was tangled around the lower bed posters, having followed the comforter rather quickly. I picked it up off the floor and tossed it down with the pillowcases. The bottom sheet joined it quickly, and then I took the entire pile down the hall and put it directly in the washing machine, before I could be tempted again. And anyway, if ever a set of sheets needed washing, it was this one.

A few minutes later, as I was covering my mattress with the clean, cream-colored sheets, I felt something under my foot and bent down to investigate. I couldn't help but smile as I lifted my foot and found one of Alice's brown hair ties on the floor. I picked it up and, without thinking, slipped it onto my wrist, just like how Alice kept them. As I continued to make the bed and straighten up the room, I kept looking down at my arm, smiling at the reminder of my girl.

I told myself it was a matter of practicality. I usually wore my hair down, and, long as it was, it got in my way often. Having a hair tie handy like this would be convenient.

It was bull shit, and I knew it. Especially considering that my hair was currently in a braid. But I left the band where it was and continued my work.

When my bedroom was clean, I went out to the living room to start working there. No longer able to stand the quiet that left my thoughts to wander, I opened my macbook and turned on itunes, choosing a playlist that seemed to match my mood – 90s grunge: Nirvana, Candlebox, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden... Yeah, it was just right. I sang along to the songs as I straightened up the living room, letting myself feel a little low now that I could blame it on the music.

I was nearly done when the sun streamed into the room through the open curtains and a flash of color on the floor caught my eye. When my eyes adjusted, I realized that it was Jasper's blue guitar pick. Picking it up off the floor, I held it in my hand, turning it over and over again, rubbing my thumb over the smooth face. Grinning, I felt a little bit like a fangirl at a rock concert, but I couldn't help it. This was the pick that Jasper had used when he played for me, and now I got to keep it like a souvenir.

I tucked the pick into the safety of my pocket and finished straightening up the room. I had just finished and fallen back down on the couch, wondering where Jasper and Alice might be, when my phone rang. I jumped up off the couch in a flash, nearly tripping over my own feet as I tried to get to the TV stand where my phone was laying. I refused to acknowledge the fact that I was hoping it was Alice calling me, but that didn't make it less true.

Screwed, I tell you.

I really had to nip this shit in the bud, before it got out of hand.

Picking the phone up off of the tv, I looked at the display and saw that it was not my lovers calling, but my boss.

"Eric," I greeted casually. It was a little odd for him to be calling me on the weekend, considering the paper had a weekend staff, and I wasn't on it. "Hey, what's up?"

"Hello, Bella. I hope I'm not interrupting anything," he replied cautiously.

"No, not at all. Just relaxing."

"Oh good," Eric said, his voice immediately sounding more relaxed. "Well, I hope you're having a good weekend. I was calling because I have a request to make of you. One I think you'll like."

I was intrigued. "Ok, tell me."

"The Chinese Premier is going to be in San Francisco next weekend. It's a pretty big deal – he's going to be talking with the governor and some top business leaders in the city about a trade deal. I know it's a bigger assignment than you usually work, but I think you're up to the task, and I'd like you to cover it."

I would love to say that I reacted like a mature grown up or a professional journalist.

I did not.

I did, however, ask my boss to hold for a moment, and put the call on mute before squealing and doing a victory dance in my living room.

When I returned to the line, Eric and I discussed the details. I would need to fly out Thursday after work so that I was in San Francisco when the Premier arrived. Friday was the only day that I would have any work to do, and I would have to email him the story that evening to run in Saturday's edition. As a bonus, I got to spend the weekend in the city.

It was a huge career opportunity for me, not to mention I'd always wanted to see the city by the bay. After thanking Eric repeatedly, I hung up the phone.

I may have done one more victory dance.

Seriously, I could give some of those football players a run for their money. I'd be awesome in an end zone.

Once my celebration was over, I grabbed my macbook and sat down to make plans.

"Oh shit," I exclaimed when I realized that Victoria was supposed to come visit this weekend. I knew she'd understand, though. Vic would never want me to pass up this opportunity. Hopefully we could get together the following weekend.

I sighed a little when I realized that this meant that the soonest I'd be able to see Jasper and Alice again was three weeks. It was probably a good thing, though. The time away might help me get my head on straight again.

I typed up an email to Vic, asking her if we could reschedule, and, just as I was pressing the send button, a thought came to me that made me excited all over again.

I was going to San Francisco, which was where my friends, Emmett and Rosalie McCarty lived. I'd never met them in person, but Rose and I had become friends through the website where Alice and I both published our stories. She was a fellow writer, one whose story I'd followed since she started writing it. I had nearly wet my pants when, one day a year and a half ago, after she left me some amazing reviews on my story, she asked me if I'd help her edit a chapter. I accepted immediately, and quickly became her regular editor. Emails turned into instant messages, which became texts and phone calls and skypes, and now she was one of my closest friends.

Rose's husband, Emmett, I later learned, was a singer, songwriter, and guitar player. She sent me one of his songs one day, and I had been completely floored when she'd revealed to me that it was Emmett after I'd demanded the name of the musician so that I could find it on itunes. When Em heard how much I'd liked his song, he started talking to me as well, and we became fast friends.

Emmett and I had a very interesting relationship. We flirted shamelessly, and always in front of Rose, who laughed, knowing we were only kidding with each other. Despite my having a music crush on him, I was only interested in having him as a friend, and Emmett and I had become as close as Rose and I had.

The idea of spending the weekend with them had me giddy, so I quickly typed up a text to Rose.

_I am going to be in San Fran this weekend. Are you busy?_

As always, Rose must have been sitting on top of her phone. She replied quickly, and her answer put a big grin on my face.

_Yes, I am very busy this weekend...showing you around the city! Em will be thrilled!_

_ You are made of awesome! I'll call you when I have my flight and hotel booked, we can make plans._

My phone rang a minute later.

"Is this Ms. Bella Swan?" Rosalie asked, her poor attempt to disguise her voice and sound professional not fooling me for a second.

"Yes it is," I replied, playing along.

"Hello Ms. Swan. I'm calling from the McCarty House Hotel to confirm your reservations for this weekend. I've got you in a room with one queen-size bed. Will that work for you, Ms. Swan?"

I laughed into the phone. "You're ridiculous, Rose. Are you sure you want to have me? I can get a hotel, you know. The paper will pay for it."

"Are you kidding? Em and I wouldn't have it any other way. Don't bother with a rental car either. I'll pick you up at the airport and you can borrow my car when you need to do your work stuff."

I knew better than to try to argue with Rose McCarty. She was sweet as sugar when she wanted to be, but honestly, she scared me a bit when she was mad.

"Thank you, Rose," I accepted. "I can't wait to see you. God damn, I'm excited about this weekend!"

"We're going to have a great time, Bella," Rose agreed. Then she started rattling off a list of places that she wanted to take me, speaking so fast that I couldn't even keep up.

I had barely hung up with Rose when I got a text from Emmett.

_Oh, Swan, we are gonna have the best time this weekend. I'm going to stop to buy tequila on my way home from work... gotta teach you how to drink properly. ;) _

I couldn't stop giggling after I read his text. Emmett's favorite drink was tequila – Rose preferred Jameson – and he'd been telling me for six months or more, since I first complained about tequila tasting awful (I had the cheap stuff my first time – it really was bad!), that he was going to teach me to like it. I had long since agreed. But now, considering my last tequila experience...

This was going to be an interesting weekend.

I spent the next half hour finding the best flight, then booked my ticket, sending a copy of the confirmation to Rose's email. The excitement of the weekend news had served as a really good distraction for awhile, but when I went down the hall to my bedroom to see what I had to pack, a sidelong glance at my bed found me missing Jasper and Alice once again.

I walked over and sat down on the edge of my bed, letting out a heavy sigh and putting my face in my hands. The melancholy I'd been feeling before Eric's phone call was back in full force. I leaned back, letting my head rest on the pillow and wrapped my arms around myself.

Then I got a brilliant idea: maybe if I just let myself feel sad for awhile, I'd get it all out, and then I'd go back to normal. It took a little convincing, but I started to believe that I was just sad because my friends left. I mean, I always felt sad when Victoria's visits ended too. I was sure I'd be fine by morning. I was clearly reading too much into this. After all, I was having sex with Jasper and Alice. No feelings.

Maybe if I repeated that enough times, it would be true.

I fell asleep laying there, and didn't wake up for over an hour when the sound of the text alert on my phone ended my dream. I picked it up and found a message from Alice.

_We're home babe. Miss you lots._

_ -smiles- Glad you made it babe. I miss you so much._

_ And now the chaos of unpacking begins..._

_ Good luck babe. Just thing, once it's all done, you can collapse._

Knowing that she had so much to do and only a few hours to do it before she had to go to work, I was proven right in my expectation that she wouldn't text back. I did, however, get a message from Jasper.

_Hey baby... That drive sure seems longer on the way home. _

I smiled, understanding completely.

_ I know. It was the same for me two weeks ago. I'm glad you made it home safely though._

_ Yeah, safe... but with a speeding ticket. =(_

_ LOL...I told you to watch out for the Arizona cops – let me guess...just after Kingman, right?_

_ -nods- That's exactly the spot. Assholes. Fucking expensive too! But maybe they'll name a pothole after me. The Whitlock hole. Oh shit, that sounds awful!_

I laughed so hard that tears were filling my eyes. The area between Kingman and the Hoover Dam was notorious for speed traps, but Jasper had clearly not listened to my warnings. But his comment about the Whitlock hole... I shook my head and laughed some more.

Jasper really had a way with words.

_That was all kinds of smooth, J. Seriously. _

_ What can I say? I am the king of smooth. Other men only wish they could be like me. _

I may have snorted. And contemplated inventing a sarcasm font.

_Oh yeah, totally... -giggles- So... nice drive?_

_ Other than the speeding ticket, it was ok. But I'd really rather be driving toward you. I didn't want to leave._

_ I didn't want you to. I miss you already._

_ God, baby, I miss you too. I did as soon as I drove away._

_ Yeah, same here. -sigh-_

_ When can we see you again? _

This weekend and next were clearly out. And as excited as I was about the next them, I found myself wishing they were over already so I could be on my way to see Jasper and Alice again. I opened the calendar on my macbook to check the weekend after, and frowned when I saw that I had planned to go to a concert that weekend – the same band that I'd seen with Alice in Vegas. I loved them, but it wasn't a hard choice. I knew where I'd rather be.

_ I am going to San Francisco this weekend for work – just found out after you left. Big deal. I'm excited. And then Vic is coming here the weekend after. Was supposed to go to a concert the third weekend, but fuck it. I'd rather see you._

_ 3 weeks? That's so far away... =( _

_ I know it is. I wish we didn't have to wait. _

God, did I ever wish that.

_ Me too. But I guess three weeks is better than nothing, right?_

I knew all too well how much better it was than nothing, thanks to Edward.

_I'm really glad you came this weekend. Just think, we'll have the whole weekend together next time, not just one night. _

_ I'll be counting the days... But for now I need to go help Ali. TTY tonight, Ok?_

_ I'll be waiting, baby. -kisses-_

When I set my phone down beside me, I knew I needed a distraction. I decided to call Victoria. Surely talking to someone who didn't know about what I'd done all weekend would keep my mind off of Jasper and Alice...

Vic answered my call on the second ring, and laughed instead of saying hello.

"Jesus, Bella, if I didn't know better, I'd think you had psychic powers or something. I was just replying to your email!"

"Yeah, well... Great minds and all that, right?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely, bitch," she replied, her tinkling laughter filling my ears, the sweetness of it such a juxtaposition against her words that it made me laugh right along with her.

"So is the change of plans ok with you? I'm really sorry, I just..."

"Bella, shut up," she interrupted. I swear I could hear her rolling her eyes through the phone. "If you apologize to me for getting an amazing chance at work, I'm going to kick your ass when I see you in two weeks."

"You wouldn't kick my ass," I replied.

"Test me," she teased.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said, shaking my head. "So it's a date, then. What else is going on?"

"I could ask you the same thing, B," she said.

I sighed. I was really tired of lying to my friend. And with everything that had happened over the weekend, I didn't know how much longer I could do it. "Um..." I said, stalling for time as I considered my options. Alice meant a lot to me, I knew that. She didn't want anyone to know. On the other hand, Victoria had been my friend for a very long time. We'd been there for each other in the best and the worst times of our lives. I trusted her.

"Vic, you know the concert I went to in Vegas? When I met Jasper and Alice?"

"Yeah."

"Well, um..." I don't know why I was so nervous. I knew Vic well enough to know that she would accept and love me, no matter what I told her. I said a silent prayer that my truth wouldn't hurt her by forcing her to relive bad memories. "We drank a lot of tequila... And...um..."

"Bella, for the love of God, spit it out!"

"I may or may not have had crazy hot sex with Jasper and Alice," I said, barely allowing a pause between each word.

"You did _what_?" Victoria said, sounding more confused than shocked. She must not have understood me.

"I got drunk and slept with Jasper and Alice while I was out their house," I repeated, softer and slower this time. "And then again this weekend, without the alcohol, at my house."

Victoria took her time answering me, as if she was trying to figure out what she wanted to say. "So are you guys together now, then?"

"Kind of...yeah. I mean... Yeah. We're sleeping together, but that's all it's really about. Ali really doesn't want anyone to know, though... ok?"  
"It's your secret, B. You know it's safe with me."

I couldn't believe that it was so easy. I might as well have told her that I was eating corn for dinner tonight. I should have known better than to be worried about it.

"Thanks Vic," I said, sure she could hear me smiling through the phone as relief settled over me. It felt good to finally tell her. It felt even better to know that she was cool with it. "Now come on, tell me all about the douchemonkey."

I settled in to hear the latest in the James chronicles, a never-ending serious of train-wreck-worthy stunts pulled by Vic's ex that never failed to make us roll our eyes and take a shot to toast to her being rid of his stupid ass.

I chatted with Vic for awhile, not ending the conversation until a text came in from Alice. I begged off the call, knowing that Ali only had a short time before she had to go to work and not wanting to miss my chance to talk to her.

_What are you up to, dear?_

I replied with a picture of the hairbands around my wrist – there were two now; I'd found a second one in the bathroom on the counter. _Holding on to these for you._

_ Now you have your own collection. Hope they bring you fond memories._

I blushed when I read her text, knowing exactly what memories would come to mind every time I looked at my wrist.

_Very fond. Not that I'm not already thinking of you, but now a quick look at my wrist puts you at the forefront of my mind._

_ I'm thinking of you too. It's going to suck how to work out how to see you when I'm working this sucky shift. I worry about J too. You'll keep him company on skype in the evenings, right? I don't want him getting lonely._

I liked the idea that she was thinking just like I was. I had no idea how much her being awake the opposite hours as Jasper and me was going to affect _us_, but I knew that I wanted to make it work. And if desire was any indication of whether we could do it, I was sure it would be a massive success.

_I know, but we'll figure it out. And of course I'll take care of J. I told him I'm going to blow off the concert next month in New Mexico so I can come see you instead._

_ Oh, you're so sweet! That means a lot to us, you blowing off a show like that._

I smiled, glad she thought so. I decided to answer with the truth.

_-smiles- I'd rather have 2 days in your arms than 2 hours of concert. Hell, even if the time was equal, I'd still rather be with you._

_ -smiles- Thank you baby. I can't wait to hold you again. I already miss it._

I sighed happily as I read her text. She had no idea how much I wanted to be in her arms again.

_Same here baby. It was so nice just sitting on the couch last night while you played with my hair._

It had been one of my favorite moments of their visit – the three of us sharing those soft touches on the couch. I didn't understand it yet, but I felt like something special had happened in that hour.

_Yeah. The whole thing was wonderful. It sucks waiting for the chance to do it again. But I'd rather wait than go without it._

She'd taken the words right out of my mouth.

_-smiles- me too. I wish the wait wasn't so long, but hopefully it won't be so long after this time._

_ Yes, it'll be great. Then we'll have to try for a more regular schedule. -sighs- I just want to hold you again._

It made me feel so special that Alice, who according to Jasper was usually not very affectionate, and didn't like cuddling, wanted to hold me.

_-sad face- Me too babe. I love the way it feels in your arms. Hopefully we can do a 2 week rotation after this. _

I didn't think I could stand it otherwise.

_Yes, otherwise we'll go nuts! I'm already a little grumpy. Well, that and I'm flipping tired._

_I'm sorry you're so tired. You should go take a nap before work._

_I will. Have a nice day and I'll drop you a note sometime. -kiss- miss you baby._

_Ok sweetheart. Sleep well. I'll be thinking of you. -kisses- miss you tons_

I felt a lot better after talking to Alice. It seemed that all of us were on the same page in terms of feeling sad today. So obviously, it was nothing I needed to worry about. We were all just experiencing the effects of saying good-bye. Tomorrow we'd be back to normal, sending each other dirty texts and not feeling anything but horny. Because that's what we were about. Sex. Sex and no feelings.

_That's right, Bella, just keep telling yourself that._

I looked at the clock and decided that I had enough time to do a yoga routine before bed, so I changed my clothes quickly and laid my mat on the floor.

I found my center through the stretches and poses, and forgot all my worries as I lost myself in the breathing. By the time I'd finished the routine, I felt like myself again.

Half an hour later, I had already put on my pajamas and was hanging up my towel when the text alert sounded. I walked over to my nightstand and picked up the phone, finding a message from Jasper.

_I'm exhausted, going to bed now. Wish I could skype with you, but I can barely keep my eyes open._

_ It's alright, baby. You've more than earned a good night's have sweet dreams, ok?_

_ I wish you were sleeping in my arms again tonight, Bella._

_ God, I wish I was too, Jasper. That spot right in the inside of your shoulder, where I rested my head last night... That's my spot. I miss my spot._

_ -sighs- I miss you so much._

_ I miss you too, J. I'm in bed now. Going to cuddle with my extra pillow and pretend its you. Sleep well, baby. I'll tty in the morning._

_ Sweet dreams, baby. Goodnight._

Just like I told Jasper I would, I laid my head on the pillow and turned my other one sideways, wrapping my arm around it and holding it close to me. It was nowhere near as good as Jasper, but until I could be with my lovers again, it would have to do.

**A/N: I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one. As always, previews come in my review replies. Until the next update... Yours. Always.**

**T**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**My deepest thanks to karmabalance and jaspersbella for their continued support and encouragement with this story. **

_ Just like I told Jasper I would, I laid my head on the pillow and turned my other one sideways, wrapping my arm around it and holding it close to me. It was nowhere near as good as Jasper, but until I could be with my lovers again, it would have to do. _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 18**

I was usually a pretty heavy sleeper, but even with that and the fact that I was completely exhausted from the weekend, I still woke up in the middle of the night when my text alert sounded. Fumbling for my phone in the dark, I fought the urge to panic.

I relaxed when I clicked the button and saw that the text was from Alice.

_I miss you babe!_

_ I miss you too baby. Wish you were here in my arms._

_ So sorry! I didn't mean to wake you... I'm on my lunch and just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. Go back to sleep baby._

I took a second to shake off the desire to go back to sleep before I replied.

_ No, no, I'm up. I'm glad you texted... I miss you, Ali. I'll spend your lunch with you, then go back to sleep._

_ You're so sweet. Man, I seriously want to cry. I totally miss you._

I smiled, my insides warming as I realized that Alice was feeling the same way that I had been feeling all day. Somehow, though, knowing she missed me so much only made me miss her more.

_Don't cry baby. If you do, I will._

_ Okay. Plus it'd be hard to explain to my coworkers. But I really can't wait to hold you again!_

_ Me too baby. I want to kiss your soft lips so damn much._

_ Oh god, me too! I'll devour you when I see you again._

And just like that, I was feeling more horny than I was sad. How on earth I could possibly get aroused after having come eighteen times in one day was beyond my comprehension, but Alice's words, just like they always did, had achieved it.

_Fuck baby, I can't wait for these three weeks to pass so we can be together again._

_ I can't wait either. Oh man, I want my fingers inside you. But instead, I have to go back to work. Miss you baby!_

I stared at the message, speechless. She had to go back to work already? She'd gotten me all worked up, and now she had to leave?

So not fair.

_Me too baby. Have a good night. -kisses- _

I set my phone back on the nightstand and snuggled down into my pillows. I tried closing my eyes, but all I could see were images of Alice with her face and fingers disappearing between my legs. It was useless to fight it, so I slid my boy shorts down my legs and let the fantasy fill my head while I took care of business.

I woke up not nearly enough hours later with a pounding head and a still-naked lower half. I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled sleepily into the bathroom to search for advil in the medicine cabinet. After taking two with a handful of water from the sink, I went back to the bed and set my alarm for half an hour later. There was definitely not going to be a workout this morning; I'd be satisfied with not feeling like death in time for work.

I really didn't feel much better when the alarm went off for the second time, nor did I twenty minutes later, after the second round with the snooze alarm, but at that point, there was no more putting it off. If I didn't get out of bed immediately, I'd never make it to work on time.

I slipped into a simple outfit and worked my hair into a quick bun. I brushed on a little eye makeup, grabbed my shoes from the closet, and I was ready to leave.

I texted Jasper a quick good morning from the car before I pulled out of my driveway. He replied quickly.

_Hey baby, did you sleep alright?_

_ Other than a brief interlude with your wife during her lunch break, I slept pretty soundly. How about you?_

_ My bed was lonely. Kinda sucks spending the night all by myself, especially considering I had my wife AND my girlfriend in bed with me the night before._

I smiled in spite of how awful I felt, my smile only growing bigger when a second text came from him only seconds later.

_Is that ok, me calling you my girlfriend?_

I answered him without pausing to think about it.

_ It is definitely ok, J. I think I like that. A lot._

I did like it. More than I should, probably. I was his _girlfriend_. I felt happier each time I thought of the title.

Sure, girlfriend had certain...connotations. But I mean, he had to have a way to refer to me other than "that girl my wife and I fuck," because really, that made me sound kind of whoreish. And I was anything but whoreish.

Ok, yes, I was having sex with two people at the same time, neither of whom was my husband, but that shouldn't count against me, right? I mean, it's not like I was having sex with _him_ too...

I had to stop. This line of thinking was making my head hurt worse.

So fuck it all. I was Jasper's girlfriend. And Alice's girlfriend.

_Me too._

I grinned a little more.

_I'm at work now, so I have to go. I'll tty at lunch, ok? Later, boyfriend. -kisses-_

_ -grins- Have a good morning, baby. _

I walked on air into my office, the pounding in my head almost an afterthought in the wake of Jasper's texts. Somewhere, in the back of my head, there was a really obnoxious alarm going off, but just like I had done with my phone alarm this morning, I decided to hit the snooze button and worry about it later.

A bit later, I was sitting at my desk, working on edits, trying to resist the urge to ignore my work and lay my head down on the desk to sleep. My stomach was churning now too, and the advil had done nothing to stop the headache.

Sneaking a peek at my Twitter timeline, I saw that Alice was having a conversation with Lauren. I rolled my eyes when I saw Lauren's picture. Alice had been really wrong about her wanting to be my new best friend. The bitch had, just like the first time I'd accepted a request from her, made a sport of ignoring me ever since I'd clicked the link to approve her. I didn't really care; from what I had seen from her tweets, she didn't seem like a very nice girl anyway.

Not wanting to start any drama between my girlfriend and her friend, though, I decided to stay off of Twitter and text Ali instead.

_Morning baby. Did you get any sleep?_

_ I got about 3 hours. I'm still a little fuzzy. How are you babe?_

I took a moment to consider her question. I had woken up feeling bad, but every hour that passed seemed to have brought a new symptom.

_ I think I'm sick. Feel very yucky. I want to go back to bed._

_ Oh no! What's wrong? Is it your belly?_

_ -nods- and I'm achy and cold. I don't want to be sick. I can't._

I really couldn't. I was leaving for San Francisco in four days, and it would ruin my entire trip if I was sick. I was determined to fight this off before it got any worse, and, in an effort to do so, I saved the file I'd been working on and headed down to the staff room to get a bottle of orange juice from the vending machine.

_Oh sweetie! I'm sorry. I wish I could be there to take care of you. I'm sorry you feel bad baby._

The thought of having someone here to take care of me made the idea of being sick seem less awful. I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and had been doing so for years, but really, I wanted to be cared for.

_Thanks baby. I wish you were here too, just to hold my head in your lap and play with my hair while I hide in the bed. I miss you baby._

_ I miss you too. Can you just go home now?_

I wanted to. As I sat back down in my office chair, I seriously considered doing so. But Eric had given me this big opportunity because he knew that he could trust and rely on me. I couldn't leave with all my work undone.

_Ugh. No. I have too much stuff to finish up here._

_ Yuck. Man, I want to hold your head in my lap and soothe you._

_ I want to cuddle with you. This desk chair is just not as comfy as your arms._

_ I wish I could. I'd wrap one arm around you and stroke your hair, giving you kisses on your forehead. _

_ -sighs, smiling- That sounds so nice. -groans- I'm gonna let you go, babe. I've got to try to finish up this work so that I can go home early, at least. I'm freezing and tired. _

_ Ok baby. I hope you feel better. -kiss-_

I did not feel better. I worked my way through all of my edits by lunch, at which time I walked back down to the staff room for more juice. Mike Newton was sitting at one of the tables in there when I entered.

"Jesus, Bella. Are you alright?" he asked, looking genuinely concerned.

I wondered if I looked as awful as I felt.

"I'm just not feeling very well," I replied. "I'll be okay."

Mike stood up and walked over to me, placing his hand on my forehead. I stared at him like he was crazy.

"You have a fever, Bella. A high one. I thought you would, what with how flushed your face is. You should get out of here. Go home; I'll finish up whatever you didn't get to this morning, don't worry."

I felt a little bad for always finding him so annoying when he was being so nice to me. And as much as I really didn't want to disappoint Eric, staying at work with a high fever just seemed a little ridiculous.

"I think I'm going to do that. I'll email you the article that needs finishing. Thank you, Mike." I patted his shoulder gratefully and then dragged myself back to my office to gather my things. The smell of Mike's lunch in the staff room had only made me feel more nauseous than I had earlier, and I really wanted to go.

Jasper's text arrived just as I pulled out of the parking lot.

_Hey baby, Ali said you aren't feeling well. How are you now? Any better?_

_ No, worse. I feel terrible. On my way home now._

_ =( I'm sorry. I hate that you're sick. If I was there, I'd make you soup. I make good soup._

God, was there anything that Jasper didn't do? He could write, sing, and play guitar; I'd seen a bit of his artwork – he had incredible skill there as well; he was sweet and strong and insanely sexy, hard-working, funny... oh, and a sex god. And now he cooked?

I shook my head. I had always thought that a man like that was just a character in a fairy tale. But here he was, texting my phone, wanting to make me soup.

How had I gotten so lucky?

Well, I guess I'd be luckier if he were actually here to make me said soup, I supposed, but still...

_I don't doubt that you would make good soup. I have yet to see you do poorly at anything._

_ You're sweet. But I'm not perfect, B. Far from it. I suck at a lot of things._

I couldn't help myself. Apparently, being sick had no bad effects on my perviness.

_ Sucking isn't always bad. -giggles- And I know you aren't perfect. But, so far, you're as close as I've ever seen a man come._

As soon as I pressed send, I wished I could take it back. I'd gone too far, showed too much of my hand, and I knew it. I had just acknowledged that I cared more than I should. Now I just had to wait for the consequences.

_ First of all, sucking is never bad when you do it. And second... You are too good to me, B. But I'm just going to smile and enjoy it for now. Thank you._

I got his message as I pulled into my driveway. I swear I could hear my bed calling to me from inside the house as I got out of the car.

_ It's just the truth, J, but you're welcome. Anyway, I'm home now, and I feel like death, so I'm going to crawl into my bed and hope that I feel human again when I wake up. I miss you, J. _

_ Get good sleep, baby. I wish I was there to hold you in my arms and keep you warm. _

_ I wish that too. I'll ttyl babe._

After a stop in the bathroom for more advil, I stripped off my work clothes and pulled a tee shirt on, then climbed into my bed, burying myself in blankets. I surrounded myself with pillows, wishing that it was Jasper and Alice on either side of me instead, and fell into a fevered sleep.

I slept on and off for the vast majority of the day, and most of Tuesday as well, waking up each time I sweated another fever away. Each time I woke up, I'd check my phone and found a message from Jasper or Alice, sometimes both, checking on me. I'd quickly text them back, but I rarely managed to stay awake long enough to have an actual conversation. I couldn't deny that it made my day to find their messages waiting for me each time, though.

I woke up late Wednesday evening, after having broken what I prayed had been my final fever, and was ready for a shower. The hot water and steam, not to mention the shower gel, worked together to wash away some of the death-warmed-over feeling I had when I was in bed, and I got out of the shower feeling better than I'd felt in days.

I slipped into a clean tee shirt and boy shorts and pulled the germ-infested sheets off of my bed, tossing them out in the hall and replacing them with the black set. Thinking I might actually be able to stay awake for a little awhile, I decided to text Jasper.

_Hey baby... I'm alive._

_ Always a good thing! How are you feeling?_

_ Better than I've been, for sure. Have I mentioned that the flu sucks? Think I might actually stay awake for a little while._

_ You did mention that, actually. And if you're staying up for awhile, we could skype...if you want._

I did want. I hadn't seen his gorgeous face since he left my house Sunday morning, and I missed him terribly. Which I was totally going to blame on the fact that I had barely talked to him the past few days. I mean, that was reasonable. Right?

Shut up.

_Yeah, let's skype... meet you there?_

My computer, a few minutes later, announced Jasper's call. I answered it, propped up against several pillows and half-hidden under my blanket.

"Hey baby," I greeted, smiling.

Jasper smiled back. "Hey you. How's it feel to be awake longer than five minutes?"

I laughed and twirled my hair around my finger as I felt the blush color my face. "It's not so bad, considering I have you here with me."

Jasper tried to hide his smile by lowering his face a bit, but I caught it anyway. "So what's up with your trip to San Francisco this weekend? Are you still going?"

"Damn right I'm going," I replied. Flu or no flu, this was too big an opportunity for me to miss. I had talked to Eric when I called off work that morning, promising him that I would feel better in time to leave. When there's a will, there's a way, after all.

"So what's the trip all about?"

I explained to him about the Chinese Premier, and about the article that I'd be writing about the meeting. "That's the work part of the weekend," I continued. "But that'll all be done by Friday night. The rest of the weekend I'll be checking out the city with Rose and Emmett."

It was almost laughable, the way that Jasper's face fell when I mentioned my friends.

"Emmett the guitar player?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied, my tone indicating that it should have been obvious. "Emmett. Rose's husband. The same guy you've talked to on Twitter a bunch of times. The same guy who turned that first recording you sent me into an mp3 so I could listen to it. And Rose, my southern belle, former beauty queen of a friend. His wife."

Jasper was still frowning, despite my explanation. It was very clear to me, though, that he wasn't frowning, and hadn't asked, because he needed clarification. Jasper knew very well who I was talking about.

"I see."

"Jas, what the hell is the problem here?" I demanded.

"Nothing, Bells. There is no problem. You're free to do whatever you want with whoever you want. It's in the damn constitution, after all."

And suddenly, it all made sense.

I sighed heavily. "Jas," I said, looking right into the laptop camera so that I'd been looking right at him on his screen. "I'm not interested in Emmett that way. Or Rose, for that matter. So you should really just relax."

I'm not even going to lie; jealous Jasper was kind of sexy. The straight line of his mouth, his furrowed brow and conflicted eyes... Yeah. He was all kinds of hot. And I really kind of liked the idea that he felt jealous about me. It meant that I mattered to him. That he didn't want to share me. Well, except with Alice.

After letting go of a deep breath, Jasper finally looked relaxed. "Alright, Bella. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I said, smiling. "I kind of like it." I forced myself to shut up after saying that, afraid that I'd admit more than I should. "You know what would be really nice right now?"

"Me holding you in my arms?"

"Well yeah, that too. But I was thinking that you playing for me would make me really happy."

With a smile and a finger held up, letting me know that he'd be right back, Jasper disappeared from my screen. I waited a short time before he was back, Epiphone in hand. He took a minute to settle himself in front of the screen, then began to strum a few random chords.

"Any requests?"

"You singing and playing your guitar. As long as there's those two ingredients, it'll be exactly what I want to hear."

I loved the way Jasper looked when I complimented him. He immediately turned his face down, his hand running over his short hair as his cheeks and the tips of his ears turned pink. But despite his shyness and embarrassment, he always sat up a bit straighter afterwards, played a bit better. It was like I was building him up with my words. And I wanted to do that; he was too talented to not be confidant in his abilities. I really hoped that, if I told him enough times, he'd start to believe me.

Jasper was on his second song when my eyelids started getting heavy. I silently cursed the illness that had zapped my energy, and snuggled into my pillows as Jasper continued to sing. My eyes were closed by the third song, but he didn't stop playing. In my barely conscious state, I must have started to believe that the pillow I had wrapped myself around was really Jasper, and I squeezed it tighter.

"Goodnight, Jas baby," I mumbled.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," he replied as the last chord of the song faded away. "Sleep well."

I woke up at 2:30 in the morning, when I received a text from Ali. This was the time that she took her "lunch" at work, and she had been texting me each night at that time, letting me know that she was thinking of me. It usually didn't wake me up, but I must have been sleeping lightly.

_J said you felt better tonight. I hope you still do. I'm thinking of you, sweetie. All the time._

I smiled as I read the words. Of course, I completely understood how she felt. My being sick this week had kept us from talking as much as we had been up until this point, and it was making things even harder. But whenever I was conscious, I had the two of them on my mind.

_ I can't believe how much I miss you. This is so crazy._

_ I know babe. I seriously thought it wouldn't be a big deal. I was wrong. I actually joked to J about moving next door. I really didn't want to leave you Sunday. Really._

_ -smiles softly- I am an expert at being far away. I thought this would be easy too. It's harder now than it was before you came, though. I hated watching you go. Put on a brave face, but I hated it._

_ I hated it too. I really didn't want to leave. We wondered about house prices there. We really do want to be closer to you. But I'm trying to be thankful we aren't further away._

I was floored as I read her text. She was seriously thinking about moving closer to me? I couldn't deny how happy that would make me. It made me feel a little more at ease about the nonstop internal battle I'd been waging. Maybe I wasn't the only one fighting feelings?

As much as I hated missing them, though, my marriage had been a lesson in long distances. Comparatively speaking, the three hundred and fifty miles between my lovers and I was nothing.

_Same here. I know how much worse it could be. I'm grateful we're closer enough to do weekends and talk when we want. -kisses you- I miss your soft lips so much._

_ I miss yours too. But I need to change the subject before I start to cry. I watched the eyepatch video earlier. I wonder if they look back on it now and cringe. I would..._

I laughed as I read her text. The video she was referring to was Dead or Alive: You Spin Me Right Round. I had tweeted it at some point the day before when I was awake from my fever and feeling the need to listen to 80s music. The eyepatch was a long-running joke between Emmett and me, actually. When Rose had first introduced us, I was stuck wearing an eyepatch for a week because of an injury. Emmett had begged me to make my twitter avi a picture of me with it on, and, when I did, he'd sworn that it was amazingly sexy. I knew he was full of shit, but was amused none the less. When I'd realized that the lead singer of Dead or Alive wore an eyepatch in that video, it had quickly become a favorite. And Alice loved to make fun of it. Granted, the video was ridiculous and deserved to be made fun of, so that's how we spent the rest of her lunch break.

When she had to go back to work, we said good night, and I fell back to sleep immediately.

When I woke up Thursday morning, I not only felt healthy again, but better than usual, even. I padded in to the kitchen and made myself a bagel, eating a fruit cup as it toasted. Not exactly the breakfast of champions, but it was the only thing I'd eaten all week other than the chicken noodle soup that my neighbor, Mrs. Cope, had brought over to my house Tuesday night, so I figured it was better than nothing.

I sent a text to Ali, even though I was sure she wasn't awake yet, just to let her know that I was feeling better and would be at work if she wanted to chat later when she woke. I sent a similar text to Jasper, telling him to text me at his lunch break.

I arrived at work and went directly to Eric's office after dropping my purse and laptop bag off in mine. He hugged me when I entered.  
"Glad to see you back, Bella. Feeling better?"

I nodded and smiled. "Yes, thank you. And thank you so much for the time off. The flu wanted me dead, but I refused to give in."

Eric laughed. "It's no trouble at all, Bella, though you may want to thank Newton. He covered all of your edits for you while you were out. I'm just glad that you're feeling better in time for your big trip."

"Me too," I agreed. "Believe me. Me too. I guess I'll get back to my office now; there's probably tons of work waiting for me, right?"

Eric nodded. "Probably so. I'll see you later on, Bella. Have a good morning."

Making my way down the hallway to my office, I stopped first at Mike's. I popped my head in through his open door.

"Hey Mike," I greeted, smiling as he looked up from his computer.

"Bella," he replied with a grin as he rose from his seat and walked to the other side of his desk, pulling a chair out. "Welcome back."

I sat in the chair he offered. "Thank you, Mike. Eric told me that you picked up my slack while I was out. I just wanted to thank you personally. I really appreciate it."

And I did. Mike was a good guy. I may not have been interested in him in the way he wanted me to be, but I respected him professionally, and would have liked to be friends with him.

Mike shrugged. "It was nothing, Bella. I know you would have done the same for me. I know you're flying out tonight, but I was thinking we could maybe have dinner together sometime next week. What do you think?"

God, this guy was never going to give up, was he?

Sighing softly, I tried to think of the best way to explain things. "Mike... You're a really good guy. And if you thought of us as simply friends, I'd be happy to have dinner with you. But the truth is, you want more from me than I'm able to give right now, so it's just going to be an uncomfortable situation for both of us. I just don't think it's a good idea."

Mike ran a hand through his hair, frowning at his desk, then looked back up at me. "One day, Bella, I hope you'll feel differently. Actually, I know you will. I'm a nice guy, and your husband... Well, he isn't. He doesn't treat you right. If he isn't smart enough to want to be around you, you should know that he is an idiot, and there are plenty of guys, including me, that do. You're beautiful, Bella Swan. You're smart and funny and wonderful. I know that. I hope that, someday, you do too."

I was taken aback at his speech. Mike was the first person to ever really spell it out to me with such honesty. It made me uncomfortable. Not knowing what else to say, I thanked him again for his kindness, and then walked out of his office lost in thought.

I worked through the morning without interruption, needing to get my pre-event article done by noon if I was going to take a lunch. I finished just in time and sent if off to Eric for approval, then took my phone and the bag I'd packed for lunch and walked across the street to enjoy the fresh air, sending a text to Jasper on my way.

_Hey J. You on lunch now?_

His reply came just as I was sitting down on a bench under a shady tree.

_Just started right now. How's work going this morning?_

_ Busy. I have lots to do since I'm leaving after dinner. How about you?_

_ Same old thing. It's ok. So you all packed and ready to go?_

I laughed out loud as I read his text. Clearly, Jasper had not known me and my travel habits long enough.

_Um... kind of? LOL. I am mostly packed, but I still have to throw all the toiletries in the bag when I get home. And pack my carry on..._

_ Bella! LOL Way to wait till the last minute!_

_ Yeah, that's me... -hangs head in mock shame- _

_ -shakes head- What am I going to do with you?_

A blush warmed my cheek as I read his text, my mind immediately taking it in a sexual connotation. I found that I did that a lot with Jasper and Alice. I giggled at the thought.

_I can think of a few things... ;)_

_ Mmm... me too. I'd like to do a lot of things with you. 2 more weeks, right?_

_ Yep. I'm really looking forward to it. I miss you so much already._

_ I know. I feel the same way. This weekend is going to suck. We won't be able to talk much without blowing our cover, right?_

I frowned. I hated the cover. Understood it, yes, but still hated it. I was excited about this relationship, and I wanted to talk about it. To shout it from the rooftops, even. But it just wasn't an option.

_Right. I'll text when I can, but it probably won't be much. I will be thinking of you, though._

_ I'll be thinking of you too. So what are you having for lunch?_

_ Peanut butter and jelly and an apple. Impressed? LOL_

_ Wow. That's gourmet. I'm having steak today... went up to the buffet in the casino. Mmmm. Good stuff. _

_ -jealous- _

_ I'd share with you if I could. _

_ I know. -smiles- You're good at sharing..._

_ LOL terrible... But yes, yes I am. I like sharing with you._

I bit my lip, thinking of some ways that he and I could share Alice the next time we were together, then realized that my lunch break was nearly over, and those kinds of thoughts were not going to help me get through the afternoon.

_You can share anything you want with me, baby. But you'll have to do it later. Lunch time is over. I'll text you before my plane leaves, ok? Have a good afternoon at work. -kisses-_

_ TTY then, sweetie. -kiss-_

I frowned as I sat back down at my desk a few minutes later, realizing I'd never heard from Alice. I decided to send her a quick text before I got to work on my edits.

_Hey Ali, you must have actually gotten good sleep this morning. I'm glad, but sorry we didn't get to chat at lunch time. I'll message you from the airport. Have a good day, sweetheart. I miss you._

I spent the afternoon working on edits and exchanging a few texts with Rose, talking about plans for the weekend. I was practically bouncing behind my desk by the time five o'clock came around. After a quick debriefing from Eric, I left the office and sped home, eager to get the last minute items together and get on my way to the airport.

It didn't take me long to pack my carry on bag. All I really needed was my macbook, ipod, and a book, so I tossed all three things into my laptop bag and put it, as well as my weekend bag, into the backseat of my truck. Then, after checking and rechecking that my lights were all turned off and the doors were locked, I buckled my seatbelt and started the drive to the airport.

I texted Alice from the first red light.

_Hey baby. On my way to the airport now. How's your day been?_

After I hit send, I set the phone in the cup holder and turned up the volume on my stereo so that I could belt out the lyrics of "I'm So Excited" right along with The Pointer Sisters.

Almost an hour later, I was sitting in the line for Subway in the airport, wanting to get dinner for my flight, when my text alert sounded. I figured it was Alice finally getting back to me, and was surprised to see that I was wrong again.

The text was a picture message from Jasper. Having seen some of his artwork previously, I'd asked him, when he was at my house the week before, to draw something for me to hang on my bedroom wall that would go with the new look in my room. I'd given him complete artistic freedom, only asking that the picture contain the same flowers that were on my bedspread, and pink to match my throw pillows. As I clicked the picture on my screen to get a better look at it, I saw that this text was a picture of what he'd drawn for me.

I'm pretty sure that the woman at Subway asked me what kind of sandwich I wanted several times before I looked up from my phone, because she seemed pretty irritated when I requested a six inch chicken breast sandwich on wheat, but I was completely and utterly taken by his artwork, and it had been very difficult to look away.

The center of the picture was a triangle, inside of which was an idyllic scene: lush green hills, cloudless blue sky, and a bright yellow sun. Flames came off of the top of the triangle itself. The same flowers as in my bedspread, in both black and hot pink, filled the page surrounding the triangle. Then, from three of the corners of the page, a ribbon came and entered the triangle. One one was a guitar fretboard. The second had lines of writing. The third a Greek letter: beta.

It was _us_.

I was speechless. Looking at this picture, I knew. Jasper felt what I felt. There was no question. He never would have drawn _this_ if he didn't. We were in danger. I knew it. I just couldn't find it in me to care at the moment. Not when I was so touched by what he'd just given me.

I paid for my sandwich and made my way down to my gate, all the while contemplating Jasper's text. The picture had been accompanied by a message asking if I liked what he'd drawn.

Did I like it?

How could I not? He had given me _us. _I couldn't wait to hang it on my wall.

When I was settled in a chair, I texted him back.

_It's perfect. Thank you, so much. I absolutely love it._

_ I'm really glad. This is just a mock-up, so it's small. I still have to draw a big one for you, for your wall. But I'll start working on it, now that I know you like the design._

_ Awesome. Maybe next time you visit, you can help me hang it. _

_ I can do that. :) By the way, I saw you texted Ali a few times today... She's been in bed with a migraine. I didn't want you to worry. _

I felt awful that my girl wasn't feeling well, but couldn't deny the immediate relief that came from knowing why I hadn't heard from her all day. I'd had enough migraine headaches in my life to know that texting me was probably the last thing on Alice's mind.

Just as I started to text Jasper back, the airport PA system announced that my flight was boarding.

_ Thanks for letting me know; I was worried. It's time for me to fly, baby. I'll text you when I get there so you know I'm safe. I'll miss you so much this weekend. I'll text whenever I can, though. Take care of Ali, and know I'll be thinking of you. TTYS baby. -kisses-_

His reply came just as I took my seat on the plane.

_Be safe, Bella. You'll be on my mind all weekend. I miss you. -kiss-_

A few minutes later, the flight attendants had finished their safety demonstration and I was watching out the window as the buildings on the ground got smaller and smaller. I was on my way to San Francisco.

**A/N: Well that was a LONG chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you thought. I do send previews in all my replies. Until next time... You know. Always.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is my own. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to Karmabalance and JaspersBella, my wonderful pre-readers, cheerleaders, and friends. **

_ A few minutes later, the flight attendants had finished their safety demonstration and I was watching out the window as the buildings on the ground got smaller and smaller. I was on my way to San Francisco. _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 19**

A couple hours and two rum and juices later, my plane touched down in San Francisco. I was buzzing with excitement about finally meeting Rose and Emmett, and yeah, ok, maybe just buzzing in general too.

As the plane taxied to the gate, I pulled my iphone out of my bag so that I could send a text to Jasper and let him know that I'd arrived safely. When the phone started up, though, I was happily surprised to find a text waiting for me. From Alice.

_Hey babe, I'm so sorry I missed you. I hope you have a good time on your trip. We'll miss you so much baby. -kisses and cuddles-_

I smiled, glad to see that she was feeling better, and that her lack of communication really hadn't been related to any bad feelings between the two of us. I knew that, at some point, I should really try to stop thinking like that every time I didn't get a reply to a message, but years of conditioning by Edward, who had always hung up on me and refused to talk when he was angry, would be hard to break.

_Just landed babe. Sorry I missed you too. Glad you slept well. Have a good night at work. TTYS. -kisses-_

I sent a quick text to Rosalie as well, letting her know that I'd arrived. We'd finally agreed that, since my flight got in so late, it made more sense for me to stay at the Fairmont, the hotel where the meeting was taking place, on my first night, and then go to their place when my work was finished.

I gathered my duffle and my laptop bag, and got off the plane. Still buzzed from the Bacardi I'd had on the plane, I took a taxi to the hotel.

Once I was checked into my room, I sent a text to Jasper to see if he was still awake.

_Hey J...just checked into the hotel. Was thinking about you. I've got to sleep soon, but I wanted to say good night to you first. _

Instead of getting a text back from Jasper, my phone rang a minute later, and a picture of him playing his guitar that I'd taken on my trip to Vegas filled my screen.

"Hey baby," I greeted, smiling with excitement.

"Hey yourself," he replied. "How was your flight?"

"There was rum. Need I say more?"

Jasper laughed softly. "So long as there wasn't tequila."

And then it was my turn to giggle. "No worries honey. Just Bacardi." I paused, biting my lip. "So... that picture. It surprised me."

"In what way?" he asked tentatively.

I was too nervous to broach the real subject, so I decided to play it safe. "I just didn't expect you to get something to me so quickly."

"Oh, well... yeah, I just got an idea and went with it." I could just picture him toeing the ground shyly as he spoke. A big part of me wished I could be more candid with him and say what I really wanted to say, but I knew that it wasn't a good idea. I needed to follow the rules, and so far, I was doing a massively bad job of that.

"I'm glad you did," I said softly. Then, for the sake of my sanity, I changed the subject. "So how was your day?"

"It was alright. Not much happened since I talked to you last. I'm going to go to Guitar Center tomorrow... I need to get some new picks."

With a soft giggle, I decided to come clean. "Yeah, you left yours at my house. I've been holding on to it."

"You have?"

"Yeah, it makes for a good souvenir."

"I'm glad you have it, then. It's only fair, seeing as how we're holding your sunglasses hostage, after all. I've been working on a new song, by the way."

"Oh yeah? What song?"

"You won't know it; it's something I wrote myself."

I was excited. "Really? When do I get to hear it?"

"When I have it perfect. I have you to thank for this, you know. You're the one that gave me the confidence to try."

Not the picture that he'd sent me earlier, a million dollars, or even a marriage proposal, could have meant more to me than those words. And I had no idea how to explain that to him.

"I'm so happy to hear that, honey. Really. You have no idea."

He didn't. He probably never would. I wasn't even sure I could wrap my head around it. I had a feeling it was better not to try, though.

"Well, I better get to bed. We both have early mornings. I wish you were here to sleep in my arms..."

"So do I, baby. Have sweet dreams, ok?"

"You too, sweetie. Good night."

I ended the call and held the phone to my chest, wishing that Jasper could feel the hug I was sending him. Then, after setting the phone alarm, I snuggled up to one of the extra pillows and fell asleep.

The next morning went really well. I was nearly giddy being in attendance at such a big event. I almost had trouble paying attention to the negotiations themselves because I was too busy looking around at the other reporters, some of whom were big names that I recognized.

When we broke up for lunch, I was fumbling through my purse to find my phone when I was startled by someone tapping me on my shoulder.

"Bella Swan, what are you doing here?" came the sensuous accent that I immediately recognized as Carmen Denali, the woman I'd met at the conference in Los Angeles two weeks before.

I turned quickly toward her. "Carmen?" I exclaimed. I should have known she'd be here – this was the type of event she usually covered, but I suppose I'd been so caught up with everything else that I'd had to think about that the thought hadn't even crossed my mind.

She leaned in and kissed both of my cheeks. Yeah, she was all kinds of classy like that. Or European. Or something.

"It's good to see you here," she said. "Your newspaper in Arizona sent you?"

I nodded, a big smile gracing my lips. "It did. My boss told me that he thought I was ready for an assignment like this," I explained. "I'm so excited."

"As you should be," she replied. "This is big, Bella. It will look very good on your resume when you're ready to come work for me."

I fought - and lost – the battle with my blush. It wasn't the first time she'd suggested my moving to a bigger market and making a name for myself. It sounded more and more appealing each time, I had to admit.

"Have lunch with me," she commanded. It meant I wouldn't be able to spend my lunch hour texting with Jasper as I'd hoped, but I couldn't pass up a lunch date with Carmen Denali, so I quickly agreed.

"Just excuse me for one second," I requested. "I need to stop in the ladies room, then I'll meet you in the restaurant down the hall."

Carmen acquiesced and told me that she'd get us a table while she waited. "What kind of wine should I order you?"

I smiled. "A glass of Reisling would be great."

A few minutes later, well-hidden in a stall of The Fairmont's ladies' room, I sent a text to Jasper.

_Hey J. The negotiations are going well. This is so exciting! I wish we could talk, but I just ran into Carmen Denali – remember the lady I told you about meeting in LA? - and she wants to take me to lunch. Just know I'm thinking of you, ok?_

I missed Alice just as much, and decided to send her a quick text as well, hoping she'd see it when she woke up.

_Good morning Ali. -sending you kisses-_

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and stepped out of the stall, walking over to the mirror to make sure my hair and make up didn't need any adjusting. Nodding at myself in the mirror, I turned to walk out of the restroom so that I could join Carmen. I felt like I was going to a job interview.

My text alert sounded halfway to the restaurant.

_I understand, baby. And I'm thinking of you too. Have a good lunch. I'm so glad you're having such a good time on this job. You deserve it. -kiss-_

I smiled at Jasper's text, glad he'd gotten back to me now. His reply had bolstered my confidence, and I stepped into the restaurant with my shoulders back and chin up, ready to make a great second impression on Carmen. I might not have had any immediate intentions of moving from Arizona or looking for a better job, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to have a contact like Carmen Denali.

I found the table quickly and sat down across from her. The waiter came only seconds after I set my purse down and placed two glasses of wine on the table.

"I think you'll probably need a minute to look over the menu," he began. "So I'll be back in just a few minutes. Take your time, ladies. Enjoy your wine."

The waiter walked away and Carmen reached for her glass. She held it up in the center of the table and paused, looking at me as if she were evaluating me for a moment before she spoke.

"I never drink without making a toast, Bella," she explained. "Some people like fancy toasts. I'm not one of them. I hope you aren't offended by my brash nature, but there's one toast I like more than any other."

I lifted my glass to meet hers. "Go right ahead," I encouraged.

"Alright then," she said, grinning devilishly. "1, 2, 3, fuck it."

She clinked her glass against mine just as my mouth fell open. It was impossible. How many people in the world could possibly begin every drink with the same toast?

I tried to do the math in my head, but didn't get very far. And then I realized that I hadn't taken a sip of my wine, and I was still staring at Carmen.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"LatinGoddess?" I questioned tentatively.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud as the panic crossed Carmen's face. And then I was just laughing at the sheer unbelievability. Carmen Denali was LatinGoddess – one of my favorite authors in the internet circle. Carmen Denali was the originator of the toast that I'd begun every single shot in my life with, including the shots of tequila that led to my first encounter with Jasper and Alice.

Alice was going to die laughing.

Hell, I was about to do so myself, just from the look of utter confusion and horror on Carmen's face. It took me a minute to calm down, but I explained as soon as I could.

"Carmen, you're a writer, right? You use the screen name LatinGoddess?"

I paused, and Carmen nodded. I could tell she was a little nervous and a lot confused still. I understood, though. I think I'd just uncovered a state secret. "I am. But how do you know that?"

"Your toast. I use it all the time. I'm ToBeACullen," I replied, blushing a little, then resuming the giggles as understanding flashed through Carmen's eyes.

"Dios mio," she exclaimed, slapping her palm over her face as she giggled.

"Oh my god! I cannot believe I'm having lunch with LatinGoddess!" I took a big sip of my wine and grinned at her. "This is just a little bit awesome."

We had just finished ordering our lunches when I heard the text alert sound on my phone. I looked at Carmen apologetically. "Do you mind if I just check my message quickly?"

She snorted in the most unladylike way possible. "Oh darling, no need to ask. Feel free. I live and die by my phone, so I completely understand."

Giggling, I took another sip of wine and then picked up my phone, finding a message from Alice.

_You sent that just as I was coming to the thought of J coming in your mouth while I got you off with my face and fingers. Thank you baby. I miss you so much. I hope you have a good time today. -kisses and cuddles-_

I almost dropped my iphone into my glass of wine. As it was, I choked on the air I was breathing and thought Carmen was going to have to give me mouth to mouth.

Swallowing hard, I tried to pull myself together and reply.

_OMFG A. I don't know how I'm going to explain why I am breathing heavy from a text, but it was so worth it._

My face had to have been bright red when I returned my gaze to Carmen. She was polite enough to not mention it for at least six seconds.

"Mr ToBeACullen sending you sexy messages?" she smirked.

I couldn't decide if I'd rather throw up in my mouth or just laugh at the absurdity of the idea of Edward sexting. "No, definitely not. Mr Cullen and I hardly talk at all, much less about sexy things."

Carmen raised her eyebrow, but didn't ask anything else. Instead she reached across the table and nudged my hand as the text alert sounded again. "Well, go on. Answer."

_Oh yeah, it was worth it. The thought of that was... mindblowing. I really miss you, but want you to have fun and relax while you're away. I can't wait until I see you, and I'm dying to touch you. Just to hold your hand or play with your hair... kiss you sweetly on the cheek._

How she could go from making want to run to the public restroom for private time to making me want to hop a plane to Vegas just to give her a hug I'd never know. Alice was like a whirlwind.

_That sounds wonderful baby. I'm looking forward to it so much. I'm having a great time here, don't worry. Next time I talk to you, I'll tell you who I'm having lunch with - you'll never guess in a million years! I have to get back to her now. Just know that you're on my mind._

_ And you're on ours. Miss you sweetie. -kisses-_

I set the phone back in my purse and smiled up at Carmen. "So, what do you think of the Chinese delegation?" I asked, turning the subject back to work.

Carmen and I talked over our pasta, getting to know each other a bit more, as well as chatting about stories that we'd both read, and then returned to the conference hall for the rest of the Chinese talk. When it was over, I said goodbye to her, telling her that I had to get across town to meet my friends, and promising to email her soon.

I got a text from Jasper while I was in the cab on my way to Rose and Emmett's house. Apparently, Ali had shared all of our texts from earlier with him.

_ So what did the other reporters think of your heavy breathing? I bet you turned a few of them on with that..._

_ LOL, you're awful. I was at lunch at the time, so I only embarrassed myself in front of one other person. Luckily, as it turns out, she's as pervy as we are, so it was ok. So... what did you think of Ali's little fantasy?_

_ Oh god...so fucking hot. She's in for it when I get home._

I bit my lip as I imagined what he might do to her, and wished that I could be there with him, or at least watch it happen on skype.

_Fuck her hard, Jasper. She's been very naughty today. But I agree, so hot..._

_ I will, Bella. I so fucking will. So you liked it? All of it?_

Instantly, I knew what he was getting at. There'd been two real parts to her fantasy – her getting me off, and me sucking Jasper off. Jasper and I had talked about her going down on me enough times for him to know that I wanted it. What he was really asking was about me letting him come in my mouth.

_All of it, Jasper. I wanted that to happen at my house. Next time. I swear, next time I'm doing it._

_ -moans- Can you come over tonight?_

_ I wish baby. Soon. Now I'm going to pay attention to the road so I can find my way back to Em and Rose's place. Go get Ali... And know that I really wish I could be there with you when you do._

_ In my mind, you will be. TTYL baby._

I slipped the phone back into my purse with a groan. I was five blocks from the house, according to the driver. Those two were so good at getting me worked up at the very worst times.

When the cab pulled up in front of the light blue craftsman-style house that Rose and Emmett lived in with their seven-year-old daughter Kate, I gathered my bag and went to knock on the door. I was practically mauled when it was opened, but I loved it. It had been far too long – like, ever, in fact – since I'd had such a welcome. I did, however, have rather high hopes of getting a pretty fuckhot one the next time I went to Vegas...

"I can't believe you're here!" Rose exclaimed as she squeezed me tightly. "How was your flight? And work?"

I pulled back from her, grinning as I took her in. She was even more beautiful than I'd thought when I'd seen her on skype. She had honey-colored hair that was pulled back into a ponytail that hung halfway down her back in loose waves. Her face was slightly rounded, evidence of the weight she'd gained since her pageant days. She hadn't gained much, but it was enough to soften her features in a way that I thought made her appear both prettier and kinder than she had in the old photographs she'd shown me online. Her hazel eyes glittered with excitement and mischief, telling me that this weekend was going to be filled with fun.

I grinned at her. "Work was fantastic, good flight too. Did you know they have tiny little bottles of Bacardi on the plane?"

Rose shook her head and laughed. "Well I'm sure you enjoyed it then. I guess I better let Emmett have his chance to hug you before his head explodes."

She stepped aside just in time for Emmett's arms to encircle my waist and lift me up into the air. I wrapped my legs around his hips and hugged him back as his strong arms threatened to squeeze the life right out of me.

"Bella! You're finally here!"

He set me back down on the floor and squeezed me once again, then grinned at me, his dimples showing as I finally got a good look at him. He was big, bigger than I'd realized from the times I'd seen him on skype. The top of my head barely reached his shoulder with my flats on. He looked like the kind of guy who'd worked out or played football when he was younger, but had softened up since. I could imagine that he'd probably been pretty intimidating at one point, but now he looked more like a teddy bear. He had very short dark hair, and it contrasted amazingly with his striking blue eyes. There was no question that he was a very handsome man. When Rose walked over to kiss him hello, I just smiled more. They looked perfect together.

"So Bella, I'm gonna let you sleep in my studio. Think I can trust you in there with all my guitars?"

I giggled softly. "I make no promises."

Em shook his head. "Well, the studio is right there. Why don't you go get your stuff put away and get your article done while Rosie finishes getting dinner ready." He paused dramatically, looking over his shoulder, then back at me with a mischievous wink. "My in-laws will be bringing Kate home in time for dinner, but there's tequila waiting for us after she goes to bed."

Emmett walked out of the room laughing to himself, leaving me alone, and I pulled my macbook out of my bag, opening it up so that I could get to work. I had barely opened my office document when a message popped up on my gchat from Alice.

_I sent J the texts from earlier when he was on his way to the music store. I think he almost crashed his car reading them!_

_ Yeah, he told me. Said he's gonna attack you when he gets home. So now I've got two naughty images in my head..._

_ Try not to give yourself away, baby... But just imagine how bad he'd attack knowing we were both waiting for him._

And once again, I wanted to jump on a plane. I wanted to be there, waiting with Alice, when Jasper walked through the door. Part of me knew that I wanted that to be what happened every day, but I flat out refused to even acknowledge that thought.

_-bites lip- oh god, baby... Think about me while he fucks you... about how much I want you and how much I want to be there to help him make you come._

_ You have no idea how much we talk about you when we fuck. Even when you aren't there with us, you really are, because we talk of all we want to do to you._

I shivered. I loved the fact that they thought of me as much as I thought of them. I wanted them so badly I could taste it. But the only things I was going to taste tonight were dinner and tequila, and if I didn't get this article done, I wouldn't get even either of those.

_ -smiles- Enjoy him, babe. Soon we'll all enjoy each other properly. _

_ Oh yeah, we'll enjoy each other all right. I can't wait. -kisses- have fun, baby. Drink a tequila shot for me. _

_ Will do. -kisses-_

Knowing I didn't have much time left, I brought the office document back to the front of my screen and tried to stop visualizing a naked, sweaty Jasper and Alice doing very dirty things to each other. It took a few minutes, but I was finally able to put some sentences together about China's business future in San Francisco.

Just as I finished the final paragraph, Emmett popped his head in and told me that work time was over. "Are you done?"

"Just finished," I replied.

"Emailed?"

"Yep."

"Good," he said as he closed the cover of my macbook, luckily not noticing the naughty IM conversation that was still up on the screen. Then he took me by the hand and led me in to the dining room. That is when I learned that, besides being beautiful and fun, Rosalie McCarty was an amazing cook as well. If Emmett hadn't have already married her, I might have gotten down on one knee right there at the dinner table.

After dinner and a very thorough tour of Kate's toy collection, which included an inordinate amount of My Little Ponies, Rose declared that it was time for the little girl to go to bed.

Once she was settled, Emmett returned to the living room with three shot glasses and two bottles. "Rosie here won't drink tequila. The Jameson is for her," he explained, handing his wife a glass and the bottle of brown liquor. Then he sat down between the two of us on the couch, handing me the shot glasses. "And now, my dear, the moment we've all been waiting for. It's time to tequila up Bella!"

Somehow, I restrained myself from losing my composure completely. Em had no idea what could happen if he really tequila-ed me up. Although, to be perfectly honest, the tequila was more my excuse than anything. I was going to kiss Alice before I had the first shot; I was woman enough to admit that.

Emmett and Rose poured the liquor into the glasses, and then set the bottles down on the floor.

"Ready?" Rose asked, looking excited. I wasn't sure which one of them wanted to see me get drunk more.

I held up my shot glass. "1, 2, 3..."

Emmett and Rose chorused the "fuck it" with me, and we all threw back our shots. I am proud to say that I didn't shudder as the tequila went down.

I may have done so a few seconds later, but Emmett didn't see, so I stand by my assertion that it shouldn't count.

Three shots later, Emmett had pulled out one of his guitars at my demand – yes, it had actually taken a demand, as he was claiming that he was too drunk to play. I, however, challenged the drunkenness quota, citing my smaller size and the fact that we'd had the same number of shots, and thereby won the argument.

Emmett, as it turned out, could play just fine drunk. He could not, however, remember the lyrics. Not even the ones he'd written himself. Luckily, Rosalie and I could. Well, we could with the help of Em's song book, which I had been given the job of holding up in front of him as Rose and I sat on either side, leaning our backs against his sides. Between the three of us, it was a pretty good band, I thought.

Emmett's singing voice reminded me a lot of Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam. Sometimes I forgot the lyrics to whatever song we were singing on purpose just so I could stop covering his voice with mine and just listen to him.

Yeah, fangirl crush was still totally on.

After about ten songs or so, Emmett set him guitar on the chair behind him and put one arm around me and the other around Rosalie.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but some people were up very early this morning and can't stay up so late," he teased. "I'm off to bed. Don't keep this gorgeous woman up too long, alright? My bed'll get lonely." He leaned down and planted a kiss right on Rosalie's lips, and though it was by no means lewd, I felt the need to look away and give them a bit of privacy.

That meant that I didn't see it coming when Emmett's lips suddenly brushed up against my cheek. "Night baby."

I giggled. It was the name he'd called me ever since he'd realized how much younger I was than him. It was a thirteen year difference, which wasn't much now that we were adults, but we liked to tease each other about the fact that he'd already graduated and been in a band while I was still learning the alphabet.

"Night Em," I replied, kissing his other cheek. "See you tomorrow."

Rose and I spent the next two hours sitting on the couch chatting about this and that. We shared the latest news that was passing through our circle of internet friends – a circle that seemed prone to gossip and drama at times. When the subject of a girl named Tia came up, our giggles returned. Tia was a strange one, we'd learned the hard way. A few months earlier, she'd pursued a romantic – well, sexual, at least – relationship with me, but only because she wanted to sleep with Emmett and thought that I was the key to getting in his pants. Rose and I had found this rather hilarious, seeing as how the woman knew Rose was his wife, but Tia was not the first to insinuate that Emmett and I had a little something going on. We didn't understand it, and luckily Rosalie thought it was just as ridiculous as we did. I'd recently heard that Tia was doing her best to get her brother-in-law to sleep with her, trying to entice him with offers of threesomes with her female friends.

And that's how the subject of threesomes came up. Rose began to tell me about a friend of hers that lived in the area who had been involved in a polyamorous relationship for several years. "I think it's amazing," she said candidly. "I mean, all three of them are happy; jealousy doesn't appear to be a problem for them at all. I really wonder how they make it work."

I kept hoping that the floor would open and swallow me. I mean, San Francisco was known for earthquakes; this would really have been a good time for one. But none came.

"I think it would be kind of hot," I said nervously. "I mean, you'd get everything you wanted sexually, plus the added bonus of having two people to share affection and time with..." I paused for a minute, carefully considering my words. I wanted to know more. I wanted to meet these people and ask them a slew of questions, really. I probably shouldn't have been having this conversation after having that fourth shot of tequila. "It could get complicated though. You said they've been together a long time?"

"You must be drunker than I realized," Rose said, ignoring my question and, giggling. "Your face is all flushed."

Relieved that she was blaming it on the tequila, I quickly agreed. "Yeah, I totally am."

"I should let you get to bed, then. You were up early this morning, after all."

She reached over and patted my thigh as she got up from the couch, and then offered me a hand. I took it and let her help me pull myself up to my feet, and then hugged her.

"Goodnight Babe," I said with a grin, using the nickname that I always used for her.

"Night Sugar," she replied, kissing my cheek. She started to walk toward her bedroom, but then turned back as she reached the hall. "Hey Bella," she called. "Kate sleeps in on the weekend, so she won't wake me up in the morning. Just come tell me to get my ass out of bed when you wake up."

"Are you kidding? I'm just gonna crawl in bed with you," I said with a shrug, winking at her before I closed the door of Emmett's studio behind me.

I heard her laughter get softer as she made her way down the hall, then, pulling my bag up onto the futon mattress, I pulled out my pajamas and dressed for bed – I'd actually bought a pair of real pajama pants at the store the night before, since I didn't think it'd be very appropriate to walk around in my boy shorts in front of Emmett.

When I laid down in the bed, I sent a text to both Alice and Jasper, telling them that my second night had gone well, and that I missed them both very much and would talk to them in the morning, and then quickly fell into sexy, swirly tequila dreams.

**A/N: I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please review! Previews in my replies, as always, though they may be a little slow this time, bc I'll be in Florida visiting my dad. **

**Until Tuesday, you know...**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to my wonderful girls, Karmabalance and JaspersBella, who checked this chapter for awesomeness before I posted. ;)**

_ When I laid down in the bed, I sent a text to both Alice and Jasper, telling them that my second night had gone well, and that I missed them both very much and would talk to them in the morning, and then quickly fell into sexy, swirly tequila dreams. _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 20**

I woke up early on Saturday morning, much earlier than I expected to after the amount of tequila I'd consumed the night before. I laid there for a second, still feeling rather sleepy, but not really wanting to go back to bed. I was much too excited about spending the day in San Francisco with my friends.

Instead of closing my eyes again, I dragged myself out of bed and padded barefoot down the hall to Rose and Emmett's room and pushed the door open. Just as I had promised, I didn't bother trying to wake my friend, who was sleeping on her side, facing Emmett, her blonde hair splayed all across her pillow. Looking at the large king-sized bed in front of me, I silently analyzed my best move.

Silent as I may have been, though, Emmett apparently sensed my presence. Without even opening his eyes, he lifted the covers that had been laying undisturbed over the empty space of the mattress between himself and his wife. Understanding his unspoken invitation, I climbed up onto the foot of the bed, and then crawled forward, sliding under the covers and putting my head on the edge of Emmett's pillow.

My friend's large body seemed to dwarf mine as he curled up behind me and laid his arm over my side, reaching out to grab Rosalie's hip and pulling it toward us. A minute later, the three of us laid side by side in the bed, arms and legs draped casually over each other.

"Morning Bells," Emmett whispered in a deep, gruff morning voice. "Morning baby."

Rose and I both chorused our mumbled replies, and then the room returned to silence as all three of us began to doze once again.

I loved cuddling with them. I loved cuddling in general, really. There were simply not enough hours of my life currently devoted to this lovely activity. And while Emmett was surely not Jasper, and Rosalie was not Alice, it still felt nice.

We slept for about an hour before Rosalie woke us again. "Come on, you two lazy fools. We have a whole city to explore!"

She was amazingly chipper for having just woken up. I looked over my shoulder at Emmett, who appeared to concur. He shrugged. "Good way to start a morning," he said.

I had to agree.

"Bella, sugar, why don't you go shower and do whatever you need to do. I'm going to make breakfast and then get Kate up. Half and hour sound good?"

"Perfect," I replied.

Still wearing the towel I had wrapped myself in after my shower, I picked my phone up from the futon mattress in Emmett's studio and texted Jasper.

_Good morning baby. I just got out of the shower. Showers are always kind of a let down now that I've shared one with you... We're going to see the city today. Wish you were with me._

I pulled on a pair of jeans and a light sweater, then went back to the bathroom to brush and blow dry my hair. When I was finished, I went back into the studio to get my shoes, purse, and phone, and found a message waiting for me from Jasper.

_I hope you have a fun time, sweetie. I wish I was there too. And I know what you mean about the shower... We have to do that again. _

_ Anytime, Jasper. There's not much better than standing so close that my wet, naked body is touching yours... _

_ God, you're pure evil. I haven't even gotten out of bed and you already have me hard._

_ I'm not evil. I'm an angel. -points to halo- And anyway, bed is a good place for that... I'd come over and help you if I could. Just saying..._

_ -points to the horns holding up your halo- forget about those, baby?_

_ -giggles- maybe... I hate to do this, but I have to go.. Em and Rose are waiting for me. TTYS?_

_ You bet, sweetie. -kisses-_

The next few hours were spent with Emmett, Rose and little Kate leading me all over Fisherman's Wharf. We went to the aquarium and bought enough salt water taffy to last a lifetime before Emmett dragged me to a shady-looking cart near the end of the sidewalk.

"Come on, Bells! It's lunch time!"

I looked at him like he had completely lost his mind. Maybe he had. "I am _not_ eating anything that is sold from a cart, Emmett!" I hissed.

Emmett threw his head back, laughing hard. "Rosie!" he called. "Oh my god, babe," he said as she reached where we had stopped. "Bella here is freaked out about the vendor!"

I scowled at him. "Seriously? The only thing I've ever seen sold from a cart was a hot dog. And everyone knows better than to eat that!"

Now Rosalie had joined her husband in his laughter.

"What?" I shouted, exasperated.

"Sugar, this is how you get clam chowder in San Francisco. The real stuff, anyway," Rose explained. "I promise, the carts are on the up and up."

When I saw that even seven year old Kate was eager to get a bowl – which, I might add, was made out of sourdough bread – of chowder from the vendor, I sighed and agreed. "Fine. But if I get sick from eating street food..."

Emmett hugged me close as his laughter started all over again. "God, I love having you here. You're fucking hilarious."

I rolled my eyes as I smiled at him, and took the bread bowl, examining my soup for a full minute before I willingly took a bite.

"Oh god, it's so good!" I moaned, closing my eyes to savor the flavor.

"That's hot," Emmett said. Rosalie may have hit his arm; I was too busy enjoying my chowder to notice.

We finally went back to the house, but not until after we watched the sun set over the Pacific Ocean from the end of Pier 39. At Kate's insistence, we popped in the dvd of the four of us "riding a magic carpet" over San Francisco – it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever seen, I was sure, especially considering the fact that Rose and I had mascara-filled tears streaming down our faces for the majority of the video because we were laughing so hard at Emmett, who had nearly fallen off the rug that we were being filmed on the first time it began to move.

When the video was over, only seconds after Kate had been caught yawning by her mother, Rosalie got up out of her chair and told her daughter to kiss us goodnight, then took her off to bed. Emmett got up and walked into the kitchen, leaving me alone on the couch. I could hear him moving around in there, opening and closing cupboards. I heard the sound of glasses clinking together and realized what he was up to.

While I had a second to myself, I pulled out my phone and sent a text to both Jasper and Alice.

_Had so much fun today. Missed you both though. Hope your day was good... Thinking of you here. It's tequila time! _

I slipped my phone back into my pocket just as my friends re-entered the room, Emmett with Jameson, Patron, and shot glasses in hand. Rose grinned at me as she saw what her husband had done, and I patted the couch cushion beside me.

Emmett sat on the floor right in front of us and passed out the glasses, then poured each of us a shot. "Ready?" he asked, grinning so much that his dimples showed.

"Abso-fucking-lutely," I agreed, holding up my shot glass. I was hoping for a night just as fun as the one before had been.

The three of us chorused our favorite toast, then threw back our shots. I moaned a little as my body shuddered, the burn of the tequila hitting my nose first, then settling pleasantly in my stomach.

Emmett quickly poured round two. "Make that noise again," he said, grinning at me.

"What noise?"

"That sexy sound you made when you took that last shot. Do that again."

I blushed what I was sure was a fierce shade of crimson, causing Emmett and Rose both to dissolve into laughter. "I hate you," I said, scowling at him. I really didn't though, and he knew that.

With another 1, 2, 3, fuck it, the second shot of tequila disappeared. I could feel it making it's way through my body. It hurt, almost like I was on fire all the way down to my fingertips. I loved it.

"Guitar!" I cried, jumping up off the couch and running into Emmett's studio. I studied the instruments in there, gasping when I realized that he had a Gibson in his collection. "Oh fuck," I exclaimed, admiring the sunburst coloring of the guitar's body. It was gorgeous. I kinda wanted to stick it in my bag and run for the hills. Instead, I picked it up by the neck and carried it reverently back into the living room, finding Emmett and Rose waiting for me, our third shots already poured.

I handed the beautiful instrument to my friend, taking the shot glass from him in trade. Holding the glass out toward him, I grinned. "1, 2, 3..."

"Fuck it," we all chorused before swallowing our shots. I didn't even shiver with this one. My whole body was beginning to feel fuzzy, and I couldn't feel my tongue anymore. For some reason, I found this hilarious.

"What are you laughing about?" Rose said, starting to giggle along with me even though she had no idea why.

"My tongue is numb," I replied, feeling my face get hot. My body wasn't the only thing fuzzy now. I swear, I could feel my brain absorbing the alcohol. And it felt awesome.

When Emmett could stop laughing at me long enough to hold his hand steady, he poured another shot. "One more! One more!"

Giddily, I reached out to take the glass from his large hand. "One shot," I said. "Then you have to start playing!"

He tried to look serious and nod his agreement. It didn't work. It made me laugh harder.

"1, 2, 3, fuck it!" Rosalie exclaimed beside me, clinking her glass against mine and Emmett's and then tossing back the fourth shot.

My giggles got the best of me. For the record, tequila does not feel good coming out of one's nose.

We all set our glasses down once I was done choking and flailing, and Rose and I snuggled together on the couch as Emmett began to play. I stared at his fingers, watching the way he used them to pluck the strings instead of strumming chords with a pick the way Jasper did. It wasn't better or worse, just different, and interesting. It was intricate and engaging and incredible to watch.

And then he started to sing. His voice was smooth and relaxing. I leaned into Rosie, the drunk slowly taking over my body, making me feel like a picture out myself taken out of focus. I closed my eyes and just let myself feel every skin cell on Rosalie's fingertips as she ran them across my forehead as Emmett sang to us.

"I fucking love tequila," I said, hearing the slur in my own voice.

And then, I sat up suddenly, startled by my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the screen, excited to see a text from Jasper.

I turned a little on the couch so that Rose couldn't read over my shoulder, and then opened the text.

_What are you doing?_

_ Drunking teqwuila nd listening tto eMmett play guiar. . Fuck. Tewuila makes hy tyrping bad._

_ Tequila, huh? Is that all you're doing?_

_ Um,,,,yeah?_

_ Are you sure?_

I didn't like where the conversation was going, so I excused myself from the room and went out to sit on the back porch. Rather than text Jasper back, I dialed his number.

"Hello," he answered, his voice sounded gritty and rough, the same as it had the last time I'd heard him drunk. He didn't sound happy to hear my voice.

"Baby, why are you asking me weird questions?" I asked, trying to keep myself from slurring any more.

"Maybe they aren't so weird," he replied. "I talked to Tanya tonight; she skyped me. We talked about you. She had some interesting things to say."

Fighting the urge to be jealous that he had been on skype with someone else, I rolled my eyes and sighed. I could only imagine what Tanya had to say about me. The last email she'd sent me before unfollowing and blocking me from every method of communication had not exactly been complimentary. I still didn't understand the reasoning behind it, but I wasn't a fan of drama, so if she didn't want to be my friend, I wasn't going to make her.

The problem was, Tanya and Jasper were good friends. She had been the one person that he'd confided in, other than me, when he and Alice had their problems back when we first became friends. He trusted her.

I just hoped he trusted me more.

"What did she have to say?" I asked, hoping I sounded less cold than I felt.

"She said that you went to San Francisco to fuck Emmett. That you'd do Rose too, if that's what it took, but that it was him that you wanted. She said it's been going on awhile, that she had proof. Is it true, Bella? Is that what you're doing down there?"

I really wished that Tanya didn't live in Eastern Europe somewhere, so I could kick the bitchy, gossiping, huge tit-having whore's ass.

"Jasper, I am only going to say this once. I do not want Emmett. I do not care what motherfucking gossip goes around on Twitter. That place is full of too many hags who have no lives and nothing better to do that talk trash about everyone else. You want to know the truth, Jasper?" I demanded his answer. I was drunk and angry and in the mood to be honest.

"Yes. Tell me the truth, Bella," he replied, his voice was hard, but I could tell he was trying to hide how nervous he was. Jasper wanted the truth, I was sure, but only if the truth was that Tanya was lying.

Luckily for him, it was.

"I don't want Emmett. But if I did, you shouldn't care, right? I mean, you and Alice told me to fuck whoever I damn well pleased. Right?" I was talking too loudly; hell, I was practically yelling at him.

Jasper didn't answer me.

"I may be allowed, Jasper. Our little Constitution may give me permission to be a whore, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to. I don't want Emmett, Rose, or anyone else. I want you, Jasper. You and Alice. No one else. You might not have asked for exclusivity from me, but you're sure as fuck going to get it."

"What?" he asked softly, all the anger gone from his tone.

"I don't want to be with anyone but you," I repeated.

I was drunk, but not so much that I didn't realize that what I'd just admitted to Jasper could get me into trouble. I took a deep breath and held it, waiting for his reply and hoping for the best.

"Really?" he asked. It was sweet; he sounded almost amazed.

"Really Jasper," I said, my anger extinguished. I realized now that he hadn't actually been accusing me of anything, as I had first thought. What he had really been doing was freaking out because he didn't want me to be with anyone else any more than I wanted to be.

"Good," he said, almost whispering the word.

"Baby, there's always been rumors about Em and me. Hell, my mom even asked me if I was interested in him! I guess we ask for it sometimes, because we flirt with each other, but I swear, we don't take it seriously. I'd never do that to Rosalie, anyway, even if I _was_ interested in him. But the truth is, Jasper, I don't need or want anything but what I already have."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"Don't be," I replied. "I kind of like knowing that you were jealous, even if it was without cause."

I was drunk, yes, but I swear I heard him blush through the phone.

"I just... You're my...our...girlfriend. I'm glad that you're only going to be with us."'

"Me too, Jasper." I heard footsteps in the hall, and realized that I'd been hiding in the dining room too long. "Baby, I have to go, ok? Rose and Em are going to wonder what the hell I'm doing and come looking for me any second. Do you feel better now?"

"I do," he replied. "Thank you for... everything. Sleep well, sweetie."

"I will, Jas. You too, ok? Goodnight baby."

He whispered a good night back, and then we ended the call. I slipped the phone back into my pocked and walked back into the living room, ready to return to the land of tequila and guitars.

"Everything alright?" Rosalie asked when I sat down beside her.  
"Yeah, everything is good," I answered, smiling when I remembered the way that Jasper had called me his girlfriend. It sounded even better coming out of his mouth than it had in a text.

"Well, it's about time your ass got back here. There is still tequila in this bottle!" Emmett exclaimed, holding up the bottle of Patron as evidence.

"Pour us some," I instructed, picking my shot glass off the floor and handing it to him.

Two shots later, we were ridiculously drunk. The three of us had moved out to the backyard and somehow managed to get into the hammock without flipping the damn thing over, though that feat had not been accomplished without some serious effort.

The hammock was rocking slowly, and all three of us were laughing at some goofy joke that Emmett had just told – a joke that probably wouldn't even have been funny without the tequila, and one which I have no memory of, other than the fact that it had something to do with a moose. I was in the middle of the hammock, which was all well and good until my friend, who, despite being much bigger than me, was just as drunk as I was, decided that he wanted to make out with his wife.

Wanting to get out of there before my drunken friends started taking advantage of each other, I slid under Emmett's arm and off the end of the hammock, giggling as I walked – swayed, whatever - back into the house.

I didn't blame them. I understood the effects of tequila quite well.

I got a text just as I was tying the waistband of my pajama pants. I picked my phone up off the bed and saw that it was from Alice.

_They keep playing Kings of Leon at work. Makes me miss you babe._

I smiled. I loved those little reminders of us. I started typing my reply, and it took me fifteen times to spell the first word right. Then I just gave up. I rolled my eyes at myself. My typing abilities went to hell when I was drinking. The autocorrect on my iphone really wasn't helping with this problem either.

_-smiles- I misse you to. And I have Thad a LOG of teqwuila._

_ Yes, I can see that. What's going on?_

_ Just fun...nad a little chit of drama. But all googd._

She seemed to be getting the message, despite the drunken typing.

_ Drama?_

_ Yeaj... Tanya todj J some tongs. He as uspet._

_ I know about J. I was there. Did he talk to you? He wasn't supposed to._

I frowned at the message. Why wasn't he supposed to? I was glad that he had. I was a firm believer that, if something was bothering a person, they should talk about it.

Yeah, take your own advice, Bella, right? But Edward was a different story. It wasn't like I hadn't tried to talk to him about the problems; I had. He'd change for a day or two, and then everything would go right back to how it had been. In my marriage, talking didn't accomplish much. I'd switched to ignoring long ago. That didn't work much better, really, but it was less irritating at least.

Even in the haze of six tequila shots, I could see how stupid that sounded. I'd have to try to remember that when I was sober.

_He sid. I madfe himm._

_ Please don't. It's a pain talking him down. I had him ok. I pretty much knew what happened, but he processes things differently._

Now I was really confused, and it wasn't all to blame on the tequila in my brain cells. First of all, what did she mean, she knew what happened? Did she know that Tanya was full of shit, or did she think I was sleeping with Emmett and just didn't care? I seriously hoped it was the first.

And second of all, why wouldn't I talk to Jasper if he was upset? Alice couldn't have had him as "ok" as she thought, considering the way he had acted with me. Not to mention the fact that I hadn't found it hard to "talk him down" at all. He just needed a little reassurance. And the truth. Once he had that, he was fine.

Amazing, how much the truth could help a relationship.

_It's ok1! We had s goold talk. Everiygings ok now. I'm glad we did _ he feels beter._

_ Ok sweetie. I'm sorry if he ruined your night._

Despite my frown, I felt a little better after reading this text. That was what she had meant – she was just trying to ensure that I had a good trip and didn't want an argument with them to interrupt it. I could handle that. Especially since the conflict with Jasper hadn't ruined anything at all.

_He didn't. He feels beter, , I'm frunk and happy. Everything's prefect execept I miss you.._

_ I miss you too baby. Gotta go back to work now though. -kisses-s_

I sent her kisses back, then reached over to turn off the light. Too many thoughts were swirling around my head now. I needed to sleep.

I woke up the next morning and peeked at my phone. It was nearly eight-thirty, which was earlier than I wanted to wake up, but just the right time to go crawl into Emmett and Rosalie's bed and cuddle.

I walked quietly down the hall and opened their bedroom door, hoping to God that they had put pajamas on after whatever...activities...they'd gotten up to after I abandoned them in the hammock. When I stepped into the room, I carefully studied the scene from the doorway. When I saw the red cotton of Rosalie's tee shirt sticking out from under the covers, I took it as a sign that it was safe to enter, and walked over and took my place in the bed.

An hour and a half later, we finally got up and our of bed. While Rosie went in to make breakfast, I went into the studio to send a text to Jasper before I showered.

_Good morning baby. Just got out of bed and I'm missing you already. Not sure what we have __planned for the day, but my flight is at 6 tonight. Hope you have a good day. -kisses- _

I sent one to Alice as well, even though I knew that she was asleep.

_Hey babe. I know you're sleeping, just wanted to tell you that I hope you had a good night at work. I miss your pretty face... Maybe we can skype tomorrow before you work. Anyway, sweet dreams._

I set my phone down and went into the bathroom for a quick shower.

When I was dry and dressed, I hung up my towel and returned to the studio, finding Emmett sitting at his computer desk, waiting for me.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I was thinking about something last night. With as much as you love guitars, why don't you play one?"

I shrugged. "I don't know how. I have one at home – it was Charlie's when he was younger, and he told me I could keep it last time I was at his house because he kept catching me look at it. But I don't even know how to tune the strings, much less play it."

Emmett nodded at the wall where all of his guitars sat. "Pick one."

I furrowed my brow at him, confused. "What?"

"Pick which one you want to play. After breakfast, I'll teach you some chords. You gotta start somewhere, Bells."

I stared at him for a minute, almost daring him to change his mind, but when his dimples started to show, I ran over to the wall of guitars and began to consider them. It took all of three seconds for me to pick the same Gibson that I'd given him to play last night. I mean, really, how many times would I have the chance to play what I knew was probably a $5000 guitar?

Emmett nodded. "Alright then. Now get that hot ass of yours to the dining room table before Rosie comes in and beats us both."

I grinned and ran out of the room, stopping only for a second by the futon to grab my phone on the way.

I used incredibly stealthy, ninja-esque skill to check my messages as Rose brought our breakfast out to the table. There was one, and it was from Jasper.

_Have a great day, sweetie. I'm going to take the kids to the park in a bit so that Ali can have some peace and quiet. Then maybe some guitar time. I'll be happy when you get home so we can go back to talking whenever we want._

I quickly texted him back underneath the table.

_ Me too, baby. I miss you. Have fun at the park. -kisses-_

I tucked my phone back into my pocket and grinned at Rosalie when she walked back in carrying a huge plate of French Toast.

"Oh Rosie, you're so good to me!" I exclaimed, excited by the spread she had laid out.

Emmett entered the room a minute later, followed by a pajama-clad, sleepy-eyed Kate, and the four of us sat down and began piling our plates high with breakfast.

"So what do you want to do today?" Rose asked.

"Well," I said, grinning, "Emm here has promised to give me a guitar lesson, and then whatever you want until I have to go to the airport at four."

Rose smiled at Emmett. "That's a really great idea. Why don't Kate and I go get some groceries while you have your lesson, and then we can go to Nob Hill, take Bella on a trolley ride and walk around a bit before the airport? Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect," I agreed.

After breakfast, I took Kate in and helped her get dressed and do her hair. She was really a sweet little girl – and adorable to boot – and I'd had a great time with her the day before. Rose had told us that Kate was going to her grandparents' house after the grocery door, because Sunday was the day that she spent special time with Rose's dad, so I wanted to get in a little more time with her before they left.

About ten tight hugs later, Kate and Rose were off, and Emmett and I were sitting across from each other on the couch holding guitars. He spent a few minutes telling me which string was which, and then showed me how to strum with my thumb. I got a little frustrated trying to figure out how to make any sound come out of the instrument when I made the upstroke, but I eventually got the hang of it. Kind of. Well, I'd have it with a bit of practice.

Once I could strum the open strings, Emmett taught me a few of the basic chords. It was easier than I'd expected it to be, really, and it didn't take long before I was trying to made smooth transitions from one chord to the next. By the time Rose got back to the house, I could switch between any of the five chords I'd just learned with relative ease. Well, as long as I only strummed down the strings...

I was thrilled with what I'd learned, and with the fact that I'd gotten to play such an amazing instrument. I was already getting excited about playing Charlie's guitar when I got home, and about asking Jasper to give me a lesson in two weeks when I saw him again.

Just the thought of playing guitars with Jasper made me feel all tingly inside.

I gave Emmett a big hug and carried the Gibson, as well as the Ibanez he'd been playing, back into the studio, taking a few minutes to gather all of my things and get them packed back in my duffle.

When I checked the time on my phone, I noticed that it was almost noon. We had a few minutes before we had to leave, so I clicked the Twitter app on my phone so that I could pop on for a second and check what was going on.

The first thing I saw brought on a huge wave of concern. It was a tweet from Alice.

_Not gonna be around today. Apparently I'm just a piece of shit and not needed anyway._

Whoever made her say that – her dad or Lauren would have been my best guesses – I was going to kick their ass. Why did everyone want to hurt my Ali?

I didn't bother with trying to reply to her tweet. Instead, I sent her a text, sure she'd actually see that.

_Smile, babe. You're not shit to me._

I didn't even bother checking for anything else on Twitter. Worry about my girlfriend had me feeling anxious. Instead, I carried my duffle and my laptop bag back into the living room and set them on the floor.

"You ready?" Rose asked.

Trying not to let her see how unsettled I was, so that I wouldn't have to try to figure out how to explain the reason why, I just nodded and smiled.

Two hours later, we'd ridden a trolley up and down Nob Hill and been in and out of several of the small shops. We'd eaten lunch in a cute cafe. The one thing that hadn't happened was me receiving a text back from Alice. And it was really starting to eat at me.

I excused myself after the waiter took my plate, telling my friends that I needed to use the restroom. What I really needed was information. So I texted Jasper.

_ Hey J... I texted Ali several times today. Haven't heard back. Then I saw her tweet... Is she ok?_

I was really starting to be concerned. Part of me knew that if something had happened to her, Jasper would have told me, but I couldn't understand why she was ignoring my texts.

_Ali is kind of squirreled away today. She's had a rough one... Going through some stuff. She'll be ok. Just give her some space, alright? _

I frowned. I hated space. There was enough between us already. If Alice was upset, I wanted to help.

_I don't really like that. I want to give her support._

_ She doesn't want it, baby. When she gets like this, she just wants to be alone. Don't worry, ok? Just have fun on the rest of your trip. She'll probably feel better by morning. _

Sighing heavily, I resigned myself to doing as Jasper asked, whether it was the way I liked to handle it or not. He knew Alice better than I did, and he was the one who was there with her now, so I was best to follow his lead. I just hoped that, whatever was upsetting her, it would be forgotten by morning. My stomach was already in knots at the thought of her unhappiness.

_Ok J. Just kiss her for me, ok? Tell her I'm thinking of her._

_ I will, sweetie. I promise._

_ Hey J? I miss you._

_ I miss you too, baby. I'll chat with you later, ok? Go have fun with your friends. Your plane leaves soon. _

_ Ok then. TTYS baby. -kisses-_

Rose, Emmett and I explored Nob Hill for another hour before we walked back to the car and drove to the airport. I hugged them both tightly when I said goodbye, and we all expressed sincere wishes that we would get together again soon.

I checked in at the counter, then made my way through security. When I finally made it to the gate, I took a seat and pulled out my phone to check Twitter again, hoping against hope that Alice might have come out of hiding.

She hadn't.

I decided that, space or no space, I would send her just one more text.

_Hey babe... I know you're upset. I wish I could help, but J says you just want some space. I'll give it to you, but know that I'm here when you want to talk. I may not be texting, but I will be thinking about you. Just wanted to make that clear._

I stared at the phone for a few minutes, frowning. I knew she wouldn't reply, but I still wished that she would. My unease was growing with every minute that passed. I just wanted Ali to be ok. I hated waiting. I hated not knowing.

Before I could think about it anymore, the airport speakers announced that my flight was boarding. I gathered up my things and went to stand in the line, texting Jasper as I waited for my turn to board the plane.

_I'm about to get on the plane... I get in around 9. Text you then, ok? _

_ Sure, that's fine. But can you skype me when you get home?_

I couldn't imagine anything better than arriving at my house and getting to see his face right away.

_Absolutely. I'll see you soon, ok?_

**A/N: I'm still down in Florida with my dad and siblings. This week has been one of the best ever. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to reviews... mobile Ffn doesn't allow me to reply to reviews, and I seriously snuck over to my dad's neighbor's house under the cover of email my professor just to update this chapter! But please do review, I love reading them, and I will reply when I get home on Thursday. **

**Until next time... You know... **


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Thanks to Karmabalance and JaspersBella for being such great friends and awesome pre-readers. Thanks for the hugs and the handholding. To rockstar: thank you; your song got me through this. **

**Just a little warning, this chapter isn't gonna be pretty or easy. I'm sorry. You know.**

_I'm about to get on the plane... I get in around 9. Text you then, ok? _

_ Sure, that's fine. But can you skype me when you get home?_

I couldn't imagine anything better than arriving at my house and getting to see his face right away.

_Absolutely. I'll see you soon, ok?_

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 21**

As I promised, I texted Jasper as soon as the plane landed, letting him know that I'd arrived safely. His reply was almost immediate.

_ Glad you made it safely. I'm waiting by my laptop for your skype. _

I disembarked the plane as quickly as I could and, relieved that I didn't have to worry about collecting luggage, walked as quickly as possible through the airport so that I could make the drive home.

I was hoping that he was just anxious to see me, after all, we'd barely even had time to text for days, and I knew that I missed him. Not to mention he was probably lonely since Alice was working the overnight shift. But there was a nagging feeling in my gut that told me it might be more than that. Maybe Alice was worse off this time than the last time that her father upset her – I had convinced myself that it had to be his doing, since that was the only time I'd ever seen her hide herself away like she was now. I was really worried about her, and no matter how fast I drove, I was not going to get home in less than forty minutes. That was a long time to wait.

I decided to just text him again, hoping that he might give me a hint, if nothing else.

_Is everything ok with Alice? You're acting weird._

_ You shouldn't text and drive. It's not safe. I'll explain everything when we skype. I promise._

Again, he was shooting me down on the information front. I pressed the gas pedal even closer to the floor, hoping that I could shave off another few minutes from the trip. Anxiety was gnawing at my stomach like a rat in a garbage pile. He didn't answer my question about Alice at all, and that just wasn't sitting well. Worst case scenarios played out in my brain, one after another, and I urged my truck to drive faster as each one passed.

I made it to my house in a record-setting thirty-three minutes. I was sure that even Edward, who drove like a manic circus clown on speed, had never made the drive in under thirty-five. I didn't bother with my duffle, instead just grabbing my laptop bag and racing into my house.

I went straight into my bedroom and turned the computer on, pacing as it started up. It occurred to me, on my fifth pass across my floor, that if something really was wrong, Jasper was going to need me to be strong for him. And that meant that I needed to calm the fuck down, pronto.

Picking my iphone up off of the bed, I clicked the link for itunes and let it load while I plugged the earbuds into it and slipped them into my ears. I laid down on my bed, letting my back rest against the cool satin of my bedspread, and touched Jasper's name on my screen. In seconds, the first chords of his Amos Lee cover began to fill my ears, and I closed my eyes, letting his voice soothe me the way I needed it to.

My macbook was on and skype had logged on automatically by the time the song ended. I was still nervous, but I was ready, so I double-clicked Jasper's name on my contact list and waited for him to answer my call.

He really had been waiting there for me, it was obvious from the immediate pick up. I could tell he was tense as soon as the video screen opened.

Wanting to make him more comfortable, I smiled at him. "Hey you... I missed you."

"I missed you too," he said. His voice sounded sad. "Did you have a good trip?"

"I did; but forgive me, Jasper, I don't think this is the time for small talk. Will you please tell me what's going on?"

He sighed heavily.

"Is Alice ok?"

He looked down and frowned, and something about his expression told me that he wasn't quite sure how to answer my question.

"Jasper..." My voice was shaking. I really didn't think I could wait any longer.

"She is ok, physically. She wanted to be here, but she had to work. But... God, Bella, I don't want to do this." He put his hands over his face and I could tell he was taking deep breaths. I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

"Don't want to do what, baby? Please tell me what's going on," I pleaded.

"We have to... End this. Us. We can't do this anymore."

It hit me like a train. One of those ones in Europe that goes super fast. Or maybe one that carries a fuckton of cargo. I couldn't breathe for a second - the revelation had literally taken my breath away. And not in a good way.

I just stared at him for a second, watching his shoulders beginning to shake slightly. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I just kept looking at him, blinking rapidly as I tried to process the information.

We were breaking up.

It was over.

They didn't want me anymore.

I wanted to fall apart, but I couldn't. I had promised Alice, the day we made the Constitution, that if either of them ever wanted out, I would let them go. I would walk away, no questions asked. I had to do this for them. I had to be strong.

I forced myself to make my expression one of ambivalence. There was no reason for me to be upset, after all. We were friends who fucked. Now we would be friends who didn't fuck. I could live without the sex. No big deal.

Or at least that's what I was going to keep telling myself.

Stone-faced Bella was still staring at the screen, and I realized that I had yet to respond. Praying that I could make my tone seem just as unaffected as my face, I spoke. "Ok."

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said. I could hear the shaking in his voice. "I'm so sorry."

"You shouldn't apologize to me," I said mechanically. I sounded like I was dead. "I told you that you could end this whenever, that I'd just walk away. I will."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not," I lied. It hurt terribly, but I was determined to hide it as the guilt built in my gut. "Anyway, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should have kept my lips to myself. I never should have kissed Alice. I started all of this, Jasper. This is all my fault. Please tell her I'm sorry."

"Don't, Bella. Please don't say that," he begged.

I couldn't do it. The mask was slipping. I could barely see Jasper on my screen through the tears that were filling my eyes. But I couldn't cry. I couldn't do that to Jasper. I had to stop. I had to be strong.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I blurted out in sheer panic. I had to get out of there fast, because I knew the next blink of my eyes would let loose the tears. "I'll call you right back."

I didn't even give him time to answer. I just hung up.

My whole body shook as I let go of my stone-faced facade and broke down. "Oh god," I cried out as I folded in on myself, falling down into my mattress. "Oh god."

We were breaking up.

It was over.

They didn't want me anymore.

I sobbed. I gave myself a full minute to feel, to let the hurt come out in droplets of water from my eyes. I couldn't afford more than that, or Jasper would see the evidence when I called him back.

When my minute was over, I took several deep breaths, and then got up off of my bed, walking over to the bathroom and washing my face with a cool cloth. I looked in the mirror, making sure to get all the mascara residue off of my cheeks, and then nodded at myself. It was a silent pep talk. I could do this. I didn't have a choice.

I'd taken a risk. I'd had some fun. And now it was time to pay the consequences.

I let the stone-face come back down over my features, and walked back over to my bed to call Jasper back.

I thought that taking that minute away would help, and it might have, had Jasper been doing any better than I was. But that just wasn't the case. When the video screen popped back up on my monitor, I could see it in his eyes, even through the digital media.

He was devastated.

And so was I.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I whispered. The guilt was tying my stomach in knots as the realization hit that _I_ was the reason for Alice's tweet that morning. I was the reason that she'd hidden herself away. I was the one who made her hurt. "Oh god, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Bella. Please. It's not your fault. It was just too much. We just... we couldn't make it work. Please don't blame yourself. I'm sorry, Bella. We're sorry."

"I'm fine."

"You're crying," he said.

"No I'm not. I'm fine." I was lying. But I was trying desperately to make it true.

"Bella..."

"No," I said harshly. I wasn't angry with him, but if he pressed the issue, I was going to fall apart, and that just wasn't an option. "I'm telling you, I'm fine baby. Just believe me, please."

The use of my nickname for him or the waver in my voice was the final straw for Jasper, I guess, because by the time I was done speaking, Jasper was crying.

He was actually crying.

This hurt him as much as it did me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said, his voice cracking.

And just like that, I was done. Once again, I couldn't breathe. My throat began to constrict and I fought harder to catch my breath. Each tear that fell from Jasper's eyes made another piece of my facade crumble. Each drop broke my heart even further.

"Jasper," I whispered through my pants. I brought my hand up to cover my mouth as my chest squeezed itself even harder.

I was saved by the ringing of Jasper's cell phone. I watched as he picked it up, looked at it, then set it back down. It was very late, and I knew who it had to be on the other end of the line.

"Is that Alice, Jasper?" I asked, finding the mechanical voice again so that he couldn't hear how close I was to falling apart.

"I'll call her back."

"No," I insisted. "You'll call me back. Answer your wife, Jasper," I said, reminding him of who was important here. "You can call me back when you're done. I need a drink of water anyway."

He wiped his eyes as he looked at me, trying to read my expression. I looked away, not letting him. "Call me back, Jasper," I repeated. Then I clicked the button to end the call.

As soon as Jasper was off my screen, the tears began to fall. I didn't try to stop them. I coughed and hiccuped as the tears fell harder. I had realized the minute that I saw Jasper's picture text at the airport that I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I had feelings for them. But it wasn't until he told me that I was losing them that I realized just how deep those feelings ran.

And it hurt. It hurt so much.

We were breaking up.

It was over.

They didn't want me anymore.

The tears fell even harder, and I began to struggle to breathe again. I fumbled around my bedspread until I found my phone, and grabbed it, pressing the right icons until I found Victoria's phone number, then dialed it.

"Hello?" she answered on the second ring.

I have no idea how to translate what I said into English words that can be spelled. I'm sure that Vic couldn't do any better job of it than I could. Really, I'm not even sure I spoke words. I may have only sobbed.

"Bella, honey... what's wrong? B, tell me. What's going on?"

I realized that I was making my best friend panic, and forced myself to take deep breaths. I couldn't talk without breathing, clearly.

I managed to choke out a few words. Enough for her to get the idea, at least. "Jasper... told me... break up... done..."

"Oh god, Bella. Honey, I'm sorry. I thought you guys were just fooling around, though?"

"Supposed to be... but... I couldn't... I couldn't... help it..." I couldn't say any more as the tears took over again.

Victoria tried to console me, but I honestly didn't hear much of what she said because I was sobbing so loudly.

"Have to... calm down." I said. "Jasper is going to..." My words were still coming out in whimpers. "Call back soon. Can't... can't cry... in front of him."

"Why the hell not?" she demanded.

"I promised... I told them I'd walk away. I have to... be strong."

I was forcing myself to breathe slower now, and it was helping a little. I really did need to stop. If I didn't, my face would give away the secret of my breakdown when Jasper called back. I walked back into the bathroom and got my washrag, wiping my eyes and my cheeks.

"Bella, you don't have to be emotionless for him. That's bull shit."

Vic sounded angry. I didn't understand why.

"I have to. I promised. I don't need to make this harder for him."

I walked down the hall to my kitchen and opened the refrigerator, spotting a bottle of water and grabbing it.

"Bella..." She was trying to argue the point with me. Victoria clearly didn't realize that there was no giving in on this. I had to be strong. I just had to. Jasper was already hurting, I couldn't make it worse. I had to limit the damage that I was causing.

"Vic, just stop. I have to. That's it." My voice had already returned to the hard, robotic tone that I'd taken earlier with Jasper.

"Alright, Bella," Vic replied, sounding defeated. "Just call me back if you need me."

"I will," I said, ending the call.

I started to walk out of the kitchen when a bottle of caramel-colored liquid caught my eye from it's place sitting on the counter. Southern Comfort. I turned back and grabbed it. It was the perfect solution, really. If I could just get drunk enough, I wouldn't be able to feel how much this hurt. And if I could stop feeling it, then I could be the stone-face that I needed to be for Jasper.

I sat down on my bed and stared at my screen, willing him to call back. I opened the bottle and sniffed, savoring the scent of the liquor inside. This was what I needed. It would get me numb. I needed numb.

I poured a shot and threw it back, uttering a soft "1, 2, 3, fuck it" just before the glass reached my lips. The sweetness was delicious on my tongue, and I felt my insides warm a bit as the fruity whiskey flowed down my throat. It felt good, but one shot sure as hell wasn't going to get the job done.

I poured another, swallowing it just as the skype on my macbook started to ring.

I took a deep breath and answered, forcing the mask back onto my face. I hoped that the alcohol would kick in quickly, because it took ridiculous amounts of effort to keep the emotions off my face, and I wasn't sure how long I could keep it up.

"Hi," I said as I breathed out.

"Hi," he replied sadly.

"How's Alice?" I asked. Just the utterance of her name brought guilt and pain flooding back into me.

"She's ok," he said softly. "She wanted me to tell you that she's sorry. She feels terrible."

If she felt half as bad as I did right now, then I didn't doubt it. I wondered, though, how much of her pain was directly caused by me.

"Tell her I'm sorry too," I said, my voice breaking on every word.

"I will," he replied. His voice broke on the words, and I could see the pain in his eyes. I couldn't take it.

I picked up the bottle of SoCo and decided to forgo the shot glass this time, and lifted the whole bottle to my lips. There was no more time to waste. The whiskey poured into my mouth and it tasted so good. I let it flow down my throat and I swallowed, but just kept drinking. I could hear Jasper begging me to stop, but I didn't. The liquor was delicious and easy to take. I didn't pull the bottle away until after the fourth swallow. I looked at it and saw that a third of the bottle was gone.

I smiled at Jasper. He did not look happy. He looked panicked.

"Bella, baby, please don't do that again. You had enough now. No more. Please."

"I'm fine, don't worry." I was. I didn't know why. Why wasn't the damn liquor kicking in? "I need to drink. Drinking is good."

"Bella," he started.

He didn't have a chance to finish, though, because I'd already tipped the bottle back up to my mouth. Once again, I let the liquor flow into my mouth until I couldn't take any more.

I set the bottle back down on my night table and looked back at my screen. Jasper was crying again.

"Bella, please stop this. I can't watch you do this to yourself. Please, baby. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Stop saying that, Jasper," I said. "It's not your fault; it's mine. I did this. I hurt everyone because I couldn't behave myself. I told you to buy the tequila. I knew what I was doing when I kissed her. I wasn't _that _drunk. It's all my fault, Jasper. I'm so damn sorry."

My voice was wavering like crazy. I couldn't even look at Jasper anymore – I would lose it if I did. I could not for the life of me figure out why I still felt completely sober. How hard was it to just get fucking numb?

I eyed the bottle on my night table. There was a third of it left. I hoped it was enough to do the job. Because my willpower wasn't going to make it much longer.

"I need to get numb," I mumbled as I grabbed the bottle.

"Fuck, Bella! Don't!" he cried.

I didn't listen. A few seconds later, the whole bottle was empty. I tossed it down to the floor, watching it roll across the carpet. Jasper's eyes were pleading with me.

"Don't worry, baby," I said. "It's all gone. I can't drink any more. That was all I had."

"Thank fucking god for that," he muttered.

"Jasper," I said. I still wasn't drunk, and I knew I was going to have to hang up soon. I just couldn't take the pained expression on his face much longer. Not if I was going to be strong. "Jasper," I began again. "I just... I wanna say things. I want to say things, but I shouldn't."

"Say whatever you want, sweetie. Just talk to me," he pleaded. He sounded so broken.

"I'm...Oh fuck!"

The room spun so suddenly that I barely got the words out before I fell forward and hit my head on the keyboard of my laptop. I closed my eyes as I pushed myself back up into a sitting position, rubbing my forehead where I'd hit it.

"Oh fuck, that hurt," I slurred. The entire bottle of SoCo must have hit my bloodstream all at once. I opened my eyes and saw that the room was still spinning. Rapidly. "Oh god," I said, feeling dizzy and nauseated. Maybe that last chug had been a bad idea after all.

"Baby, are you ok?"

"Um...yeah? Just a little...lot...drunk," I said, trying to get my eyes to focus on the screen in front of me. It wasn't easy. "Listen, Jasper," I continued, hoping he could understand me through my slurring. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I kissed your wife and messed up your marriage. I really liked kissing you - both of you - but I shouldn't have done that. And I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt anybody. I... Jasper, you..." I trailed off, staring at him for a minute, then placed my open hand over my heart. "You're here, Jasper. You're here."

Jasper was crying by the time I finished my little speech, and so was I. I was still trying to fight the tears, but they were winning. Big time.

"Oh god, Jasper... I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I didn't want to do this!"

"Baby, please..." he begged through his tears. "Please, baby, please stop saying that. I'm so sorry for this. I didn't want to do this to you. I'm so sorry, Bella."

Every word that came out of his mouth just cut another line across my heart. I could feel it shredding inside my chest, making it harder and harder to breathe.

We were breaking up.

It was over.

They didn't want me anymore.

My text alert sounded, and I picked up the phone, squinting at the screen to try to read the message from Alice.

_I'm sorry. So fucking sorry. I have no excuses or justifications to make you feel better. We're just as upset as you and I hope we can pull through this with some of our friendship intact. Please know it was nothing about you. God, I hate doing this like this, but I don't want to make it any worse for you. I'll give you as much time and space as you need. Please know how truly sorry I am._

The message just made the tears fall faster. There was nothing I could do now; my mask was shattered on the floor. Jasper cried a tear for each one of mine that fell, and every one of his just made me feel worse. I was hurting him more, all because I couldn't stay strong.

Looking down at my phone still, I saw Alice's hairbands in their spot around my wrist. My body shuddered as I was overcome by sobs again. I was losing her. I was losing them. And it was breaking my heart.

I did the only thing I could do: I pulled the bands off of my wrist and let them fall on the floor beside me.

"Is that Ali?" Jasper asked. I just nodded my reply as I tried my best to text her back.

_Pleaase talkj to me otnuorrow. I ant to talk tool yi. Am malsively drinkg right now. Plears, Aleice. Plaeae alcl me whtn you wake nu.p. _

I was losing control, not just of my emotions, but of my brain. I knew I wasn't thinking clearly anymore, but the link between my mouth and my brain had apparently been severed. I was panicking, thinking about the reality of them being out of my life. We said we'd stay friends, but I felt too much. Could I ever go back?

"I don't want to lose you," I sobbed.

"Neither do I." Jasper put his hands over his face, and I watched his shoulders and back shaking as he sobbed.

"It hurts, Jasper," I cried as I clawed at my chest. "It hurts so fucking much."

"I know... I know."

_I will. Of course I will. _

_ No matterwhat, you will alywas have a pleave in my heart and I dont' thwatn to lost you in muy life. Pleaser odn't end out frinedstip. You odn't know ahwo much oyu meant ot me. _

I threw my phone down beside me and laid down on the floor, not able to keep my balance in the nonstop spin of the room while sitting.

"I love you, Jasper. I shouldn't say it, but I do. I fucking love you. And I'm sorry."

I put my face down on my arms and just sobbed.

**A/N: Yeah, like I said... That was tough. It was very hard for me to write. I'd love to hear what you thought. **

**Oh, and PSA: Do NOT drink an entire bottle of SoCo. Really, really, really bad idea. **

**Check out the oneshot I posted yesterday. It's an emotional J/B called Here Without You.**

**Until next time... You know. Always.**

**T**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to my pre-readers, Karmabalance and JaspersBella, who are always there to cheer me on or hold my hand when I need it. Love you both.**

_ "I love you, Jasper. I shouldn't say it, but I do. I fucking love you. And I'm sorry." _

_ I put my face down on my arms and just sobbed. _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 22**

When I opened my eyes, I was lying on my back in my bed. I didn't have a clue how I'd gotten there, but that wasn't my first concern. No, I was mostly upset by the fact that the room was still spinning. I was pretty sure that my name wasn't Dorothy and I didn't live in Kansas, and the chance that my house was caught in a "twister" in Arizona was pretty unlikely. That meant that I was still drunk.

I started crying immediately. I really did not want to still be drunk. Especially not so drunk that the walls of my bedroom looked a lot like the inside of that god-awful Gravitron ride that I had ridden at the state fair a few years before at Renee's insistence. That ride made me throw up, and my stomach seemed to be remembering that feeling quite well.

I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the fact that, even though I couldn't see it anymore, I could still _feel_ the spinning.

As unpleasant as the effects of the Southern Comfort were – I paused for a minute to snort at the irony of the brand name; the liquor had provided me with no comfort whatsoever - they didn't hold a candle to the ache of my heart as I remembered why I had been drinking in the first place.

We had broken up.

It was over.

They didn't want me anymore.

And I was in love with them.

I dialed the number of my office and left a pathetic-sounding message on Eric's voice mail, letting him know that I couldn't make it in to the office today. I felt terrible doing it, especially considering the fact that I'd had most of the previous week off as well, but there was no way I could work like this, much less drive myself to the office.

When the call was made, I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled in to my bathroom. The toilet seat was up, and I was disgusted to find the bowl filled with vomit. I didn't remember throwing up, but from the looks of things, I had. A lot. I flushed, and while I waited, considered the thought that it was probably a good thing I'd gotten sick – I might have died from alcohol poisoning otherwise. Last night had not been the best display of my intelligence, that was for sure.

I used the bathroom and then went back to my bed, laying down on my side. I laid there, crying softly, for a few minutes, trying to remember what had happened the night before. I didn't come up with much. I remembered drinking the SoCo – last time I'd ever do _that_, that's for sure – and telling Jasper that he was in my heart. And then crying. I had cried. As awful as my eyes felt right now, I would guess that I had cried a lot. Probably even more than I'd thrown up. I could remember starting to cry, but nothing afterward. I wondered just how much Jasper had seen.

Jasper.

The tears fell harder as I felt my heart screaming in pain. Not able to take any more, I pulled the blanket over my face and prayed for sleep.

About an hour later, my text alert sounded, waking me from my uneasy sleep. Opening my eyes did not bring about any pleasant sensations. I reached over and took the phone off of my nightstand and looked at the screen.

It was Alice.

_I hope you feel ok. After the kids go to school I'm going to get some sleep. Then I'll call you, ok?_

I wondered what I'd say to her when she called. I really didn't want to lose her. I'd take her as a friend, if it was all I could have, though I had no idea how to stop wanting her.

_Ok. I think I might still be drunk. The whole room's spinning. _

_ Please be careful. I've been worried._

_ Yeah...it seems that chugging a whole bottle of SoCo may have been overindulging._

Who knew, right? Ugh. Just the thought made me queasy.

_You think? You had J scared out of his mind. He's been so worried. _

I felt terrible about what I'd done to Jasper last night already. He was clearly hurting when he gave me the news, yet I'd been unable to be strong enough to make it easier on him. But that hadn't been enough. I had to scare him too.

_-hangs head- I thought it would make me numb. I wanted numb. Apparently it didn't... I don't remember much though._

_ Numb doesn't help any of us. Jasper was with you most of the night. You'll have to ask him what happened. He's going to call you at his lunch break. I'm not sure what you remember._

I begged to differ, really. Numb _might_ have helped, had I been able to achieve it. The news that Jasper had stayed on the call with me for so long doubled the guilty feelings swimming in my stomach. I wondered how bad it had been.

Did he see me vomit? I prayed that he hadn't; I'd never be able to look at him again if he had. Not that it'd be a problem, I supposed. If he'd been witness to that, he probably didn't want to see me either.

_Just remember making an ass of myself doing the opposite of what I wanted to do. I don't know what I said. I'm sorry, Alice. So fucking sorry._

_ You said that a lot. You have nothing to be sorry about. J and I need time to think. We're hoping you'll let us do that. You know how much is at stake for us. We can't fuck up our kids, screw up our family. We need some time. We aren't saying yes or no, we just need to step back and breathe. Does that make sense?_

No, Alice. No it doesn't.

I might have been intoxicated, but I _did_ remember Jasper breaking up with me the night before. It had been rather obvious to me that said breakup indicated that the "no" had been said. I had no idea what she was saying to me now.

I did, however, understand what she meant about her family. This relationship was complicated. They were married. They had kids. How on earth would we explain to Peter and Charlotte why "Miss Bella" visited all the time? Or why "Miss Bella" liked to kiss Mommy and Daddy?

I sighed.

The guilt wasn't giving me any breaks. No matter what Alice and Jasper might have been saying, I _did_ blame myself for this. _I'd_ suggested the tequila, _I'd_ made the move to kiss Alice. Sure, they'd let it continue, but there wouldn't have been anything to continue in the first place if _I_ would have behaved properly.

I had to let them go. The truth was, whether I was supposed to or not, and even though I could never say the words out loud, I loved them. Both of them. And loving them meant putting them first. The heartache I was suffering was a just punishment for my bad judgement.

_I do understand. I promised you I'd walk away, remember? I meant to do it stone-faced and strong. I feel like shit for what I did to J last night. I just... couldn't... But I promise you, I meant those __words. You two mean too much to me to let you be messed up because of me._

I crawled out of bed and walked into the bathroom, picking up the box of tissues and returning to my bed, wiping my eyes as I laid back down.

_We just need to think. And talk. Can you understand? Neither of us want to lose you, but we can't lose us either. It's a fine line and we're trying to figure it out. We just need time before we say definitely yes or no. Ok?_

Were we breaking up?

Was it over?

Fuck if I knew.

I decided to just go along with what she was saying. Maybe I'd look back at this sober and it would make sense. I sure hoped so.

_I understand babe. I don't want the three of us to mess up the two of you. You do what you need to do, ok? I'll never hold that against you._

_ Thank you. You're an amazing woman. We've always thought so. Now I need to sleep. I'll talk to you later, ok? -hugs-_

_ You are too, you know. I'll ttyl. Hopefully I'll be sober by then._

I really hoped that I would. Because Drunk Bella didn't know what the fuck Alice was saying.

_Yes. Please don't drive anywhere. You'll hear from us both soon._

_ I'm not going anywhere. I just want to be sober._

And not just to benefit our communication; this whole room spinning thing was getting rather obnoxious.

_Ok. Night babe._

_ Sleep well sweetheart._

An hour later, I was pretty sure that I would kill myself if I didn't get sober in the immediate future. I had no idea how to make that happen, though, so I took to Twitter.

_LatinGoddess Help! Still drunk from last night! How do I get sober?_

I figured that Carmen was the person to ask. I mean, she _did_ invent a shot toast, after all. Clearly she was a drinking expert.

I got replies from a few of my other friends, asking why I had been so drunk the night before. I replied that I had been very upset about the ending of a relationship, and drank way too much. My friends were concerned, but I wasn't giving up any more information from that. They told me to call if I needed to talk. I did need to talk. But the only person I could think of to call was Victoria, since she was the only person who I could tell the truth.

Finally, Carmen replied to my tweet.

_ToBeACullen eat something greasy. And drink lots of water or gatorade. And call me at noon._

Food did not sound appealing in the least, but it sounded better than being drunk, so I made myself a grilled cheese and choked it down. Then I opened a bottle of Powerade that I had left over from Jasper and Alice's visit – when you're having non-stop sex, it's important to stay hydrated! - and chugged it.

Then, nauseas and tired, I decided to go back to bed.

Just before I closed my eyes, I got a call from Victoria.

"B... Are you ok? I saw your tweet. I've been fucking worried sick."

I tried to answer, but cried instead.

"Bella, honey, what's going on? I only have a few minutes – I'm waiting for the broth to boil." Victoria was the head chef in the governor's mansion in Phoenix. It was a job that she loved and was incredible at, but her schedule was always a bit heavy when the governor was in town.

"I drank too much last night. Tried to get numb. It didn't work. I'm still drunk. I feel awful, V."

"Oh believe me, Bella, I know. You called me so trashed that I couldn't even understand what you were saying," V said, scolding me. She couldn't see me, but I hung my head anyway. "I can't believe you drank all that alcohol, B. That was so stupid. I was so scared... I almost got in the car and drove to your house."

"I'm sorry, Vic. I know it was dumb. I was just hurting so much," I sobbed. I already felt guilty for scaring Jasper. I didn't even remember calling Victoria after I was drunk, but apparently I had, and had made her worry too.

"So then it's over with you and the Whitlocks?"

"Yes. No. Maybe... I don't really know. I thought so last night, but this morning I'm not totally sure."

"I can see that. Maybe you should find out so you know how to feel."

"I'm working on it," I replied.

"And if you ever drink like that again, I'll kick your ass."

"I know you will," I said. Vic threatened it often, but I knew she wasn't afraid to follow through. She was a tough bitch when she wanted to be.

"Shit, the pot is about to spill over. I gotta go, honey. You call me if you need me."

I answered her back quickly, letting her know that I would call her later. I hung up the phone and realized that I was exhausted and needed to rest a bit more, then fell into a fitful sleep.

Jasper's call woke me from my nap around noon. I felt nervous about speaking to him. I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what had happened the night before, but it was more than just that. I also knew that hearing his voice was going to bring the hurt right back to the forefront of my thoughts.

"Hello," I said. My voice sounded raspy, and sad.

"Hi," he said, echoing the emotion in my voice. "How are you?"

"I've been better," I replied. "I drank too much last night."

Jasper scoffed. "That's an understatement. That was horrible, Bella. You have no idea how hard it was to watch you do that to yourself. To not be able to stop you, or even help you." I could hear the anger in his voice, but also the concern.

"I'm so sorry, baby," I replied. I really was. For a million reasons, really, but mostly for what I'd put him through on skype. And then I realized that I'd used my pet name for him. "I'm sorry," I repeated.

"Never again, Bella, please. Promise me."

"I promise, Jasper." I paused for a moment, not sure how to continue. And then, as much as I was afraid of his answer, I asked the question that I knew needed to be asked. "I don't remember much... What happened last night, after I started crying?"

"A lot," he answered. "I stayed on the line with you until 4 am, when I finally convinced you to sleep. You got sick at least five times before that."

"Did you...hear?" I asked, cringing.

"I saw. You didn't close the door."

I was mortified. It was bad enough when I thought he'd only heard me. It was a good thing we were breaking up, then, because surely he was disgusted by me now.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. I seemed to be saying it a lot today.

"There was a lot of that too. Other than getting sick, you spent the last few hours of our call talking. Mostly apologizing. You just repeated yourself over and over, no matter how much I tried to calm you down."

"What else did I say?"

"That you loved me."

His reply hit me like a ton of bricks, knocking the breath out of my lungs. I'd _told_ him?

I cursed the makers of Southern Comfort for making a chug-able whiskey. I cursed the inventors of skype for making the call possible. I cursed tequila for giving me the courage to kiss Alice and start this whole thing in the first place. But most of all, I cursed myself, for making the decision to drink, for getting so drunk that I said things I shouldn't, and for not being able to stop myself from falling in love when it was not an option.

I used to think that I was a smart girl. Apparently, I was a reckless idiot. A reckless idiot with a broken heart.

My silent panic must have gone on too long, making Jasper feel the need to end it.

"It's ok baby. I know you were drunk."

He was giving me an out. The smart thing to do would be to take it. But I believe it's already been established that I was not very smart these days.

"I meant it," I said softly. I had to. I couldn't lie to him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't, but..."

"It's ok, Bella. Thank you." There was so much sincerity in his voice.

It didn't bother me that he didn't say it back. Really, it was better that way. Safer. Part of me wondered if it was wrong to tell him, but it gave me some comfort to know that he could carry it with him, and that he'd know that there was someone who felt that way about him, even when I wasn't around anymore.

"Does Alice know?" I asked.

"No. I think this is something we'll leave between us."

"I love her too, you know."

"I know. You said that as well."

Wow. Apparently Southern Comfort made a truth serum.

"Did I do anything else I should know about?"

"Just cried. You cried for hours." He paused for a moment, and when he continued, I could tell that he was choked up. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I hated having to say that to you last night. I hated hurting you."

"It's ok," I lied. It was time for me to make up for last night. It was time for me to protect Jasper. "I'll be alright, Jasper. I'm sorry for what I put you through last night... I wanted to take it better, make it easier on you, but..." I paused. "I'm just sorry."

"Nothing you could have done would have made it easy, sweetie," he promised, his voice wavering. "Shit, I gotta go, Bella. I'm sorry."

"It's ok... Go. Have a good afternoon at work, ok?"  
"That's not going to happen. Nothing is good right now," he said. He was trying to hide the fact that he was crying, but I could hear it. "I... I'll talk to you later, B."

I whispered goodbye as I pressed the button to end the call, just as the tears were beginning to fall once again.

I sighed and wiped my eyes as I held the phone in my hand, trying to stop the tears. Carmen had asked me to call, and I needed to do so. Dialing her number and pressing send, I waited for her to pick up.

"Carmen Denali," she answered.

"Hey Carmen," I said, trying and failing to hide the sadness in my voice.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"I'm less drunk."

"Why in the hell did you drink so much to still be drunk at noon the next day?" she demanded.

"I was...upset. I had to end a relationship last night that I really didn't want to end."

"You mean with Jasper," she said. It wasn't a question.

"What?" I said, panicked. How in the hell did she know that? I might have had wine at lunch with her, but I hadn't gotten drunk. And I sure as hell hadn't gotten drunk enough to tell her that!

"The relationship you ended," she said, clarifying. "It was with Jasper."

"But how...I mean... How?"

"Twitter. You're not so secret as you'd like to believe, Bella. And I am not blind either." I didn't know what to say. I wondered who else knew. "Just tell me one thing," she continued. "Does Alice know?"

I laughed out loud, unable to stop it. "Yeah, Alice knows," I said, my voice rising in pitch with amusement. "She was there."

"She caught you?"

Clearly, Alice was better at keeping secrets than Jasper and I were.

"No," I said, realizing that Carmen thought that Jasper and I were having some sort of illicit affair behind his wife's back. Alice may have wanted us to keep our relationship secret, but fuck if I was going to allow people to think that I would hurt my friend that way. "Alice was involved with us too. It was the three of us. Together."

"Wow," Carmen said, clearly very surprised. "I did _not _know that."

"Alice didn't want anyone to know. You haven't told anyone, have you?"

"Of course not," Carmen said immediately. "I am no gossip. And it's really none of my business, or anyone else's, unless you choose for it to be." I sighed in relief. "Now, the real question is, Bella, are you going to be alright?"

"Eventually," I said. It was the only answer I could give.

"You call me if you need to talk," she commanded. "I need to go back to work now. But you know how to find me."

I promised that I would, and then we said goodbye. I ended the call wondering, once again, just how many people had caught on to Jasper and I besides Carmen. If anyone suspected, like Carmen had done, that it was just Jasper and I, I could only imagine how angry Alice would be when she took Rose's place as the jilted wife of our Twitter crowd.

I laid back down in my bed, staring vacantly at the ceiling, trying to figure things out. I was very confused by Alice's texts from earlier, but my conversation with Jasper at lunch seemed to confirm my own beliefs, which were that we were broken up.

I was relieved when, as she promised, Alice called a few minutes later. I answered the phone, hoping for answers.

"Hi," I greeted softly. I didn't trust myself to speak to her without crying.

"Hey babe," she replied, still using her pet name for me. I furrowed my brow in confusion. "Feeling better?"

I was feeling sad, broken, and confused. Better was not really the word I would use at the moment. "I don't know. I'm at least sober."

"Did you talk to Jasper?"

"I did," I replied. "He filled in the missing details. I apparently cried and vomited a lot. I'm sure it was a lovely thing for him to watch."

"You were kind of a sloppy drunk," she said matter-of-factly. It kind of stung, but I supposed that she was right.

"Yeah..." I said softly. I didn't know what else to say.

"I want to explain, Bella. I feel like I owe you that."

I wanted to put on a cheerleading outfit and jump around for joy at the thought of finally getting an explanation. But instead, I answered her as solemnly and robotically as I had spoken every other word on the call. "You don't owe me anything, Ali. But I'd be glad to know what's going on in your head."

"Everything that's happened between us has come as a surprise to me, Bella. To all of us, really. Yeah, I kissed that girl back in college, but I was drunk, and I'd never really thought about being with a girl any other time. This...you... It confuses me. And Jasper is so caught up with you... Both of us are. We spend every spare second texting you, thinking about you, talking about you... We've forgotten everything else in our lives, Bella."

"I know the feeling," I replied honestly.

"I'm sure. The problem is that we have kids, Bella. We're so wrapped up in you that we are ignoring them. We used to have family time, but now we have 'texting Bella while the kids watch tv' time. We can't do that anymore. We need to fix our family."

"I understand," I said.

"I just need a little time to figure things out, ok? Can you give me that?"

After all that, I still wasn't really sure what was going on. Were we broken up, with maybe a chance at getting back together, or were we together, with a chance of breaking up? What were the rules now?

Rules... I scoffed at the thought. We'd pretty much turned the fucking Constitution into confetti already anyway.

"Sure, Ali. Whatever you need."

She thanked me, then cited her need to get some things done before she went in to work for the night. She told me she'd talk to me later, and I said goodbye.

All of the revelations that had occurred in the past two phone calls had started my head spinning all over again. I set my phone down and decided to go take a shower – I could smell the SoCo seeping through my pores, and the warm water would probably feel really good.

Unlike my usual blasting of music from my macbook to sing along with, I showered in silence. I just didn't have any desire to sing. Really, the shower just made me miss Jasper and Alice more, and the tears began to fall all over again.

I cried for over an hour before I was able to calm myself down. As I lay on my bed sniffling, I noticed my bare wrist; Alice's hair bands were gone. I panicked, suddenly recalling that I'd removed them in an effort to accept the breakup the night before. Jumping up out of the bed, I dropped to my knees and began crawling around the floor, searching for the items of my desire.

I finally found them, tangled up in the curtains that hung from my bed, and slipped them back on to my wrist. I immediately began to breathe easier.

Picking up my iphone, I snapped a picture of my wrist and texted it to Alice.

_Tried to take them off. Didn't like it._

_ I know. I know. We're trying. Really._

I felt terrible when I read her reply. I hadn't meant it to pressure her.

_Wasn't trying to make you feel bad, babe. I just wanted you to know that I didn't like being without you. You belong in my life, in whatever way you want to fit. _

_ It was a comfort._

_ Good. That's how it was intended. They comfort me too._

_ Glad we're on the same page._

I didn't respond. I'd said what I needed to say, and I didn't want to be in her face more than I had to be. If she was going to try to figure out a way for us to work, I had to let her.

I didn't hear from either of my (ex?) lovers for the rest of the afternoon. I spent a little more time talking to Victoria while she was waiting for the dishwashers to prepare her kitchen for dinner prep. I told her everything that had happened, and the two of us tried to work together to figure out how to make things work for my relationship. She had a good idea, actually, one that I was going to share with Jasper the next time I talked to him.

We also spend some time talking about her douchemonkey ex and Edward.

"What are you going to do about him, Bella? I mean, you're cheating on him. Are you going to end it, or just do whatever you want while he's not around?"

I had known that, given her past with James and her very direct nature, this question would eventually come. Really, it was something that I'd thought about a lot myself. The problem was, though my relationship with Jasper and Alice was helping me understand things better, I still didn't have a lot of answers. But I knew, with great certainty, that I was not in love with Edward anymore. I knew that our marriage was a disaster on it's best day. What I didn't know was why neither of us was stepping forward to end it.

Part of me worried about what the fallout of our divorce would be. It seemed highly likely that I'd lose Esme and Carlisle along with Edward, and I loved Esme. The thought alone made my heart ache.

I'd also lose a lot of money. Now, I wasn't by any means materialistic. I didn't care about the brands and labels like Edward did. When I needed a new car, for example, Edward had insisted on a Audi or a Mercedes. I thought he was being ridiculous. In the end, we'd compromised with my Lexus RX11, which was still much more glamorous and expensive than the Ford I'd wanted. But whether I cared about expensive things or not, I was still going to go from having whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it, to living off of my modest salary. It was a daunting reality.

Honestly, it wasn't just being worried about the things I was giving up; I was afraid as well. I'd spent nearly a decade with Edward. He was the only man I'd ever been with, until Jasper. Being "Edward and Bella" was all I knew. Ending our marriage, at least to me, seemed like giving up on a third of my life as a failure. I wasn't sure I knew who I was without him anymore.

I explained all of this to Victoria. She understood my concerns, but offered a few of her own, which were mostly her insistence that I deserved to be treated better, and worry about what would happen to me if he were to find out that I'd cheated.

"If you're going to continue your relationship with Jasper and Alice, you have to end things with Edward. He is a complete and utter asshat for everything he's done to you, Bella, I don't deny that. But you are better than he is. You need to do the right thing."

I promised her that I would think about it very seriously, and then let her go, knowing that she had a dinner to prepare.

_Can you skype for a bit? I think I have an idea that could help us._

I texted Jasper late in the evening, after I'd done yoga and gotten into my pajamas, when I knew that he'd already have put Peter and Charlotte to bed, hoping that I might be able to have a short talk with him before he fell asleep.

_Sure, I'll be right there._

He called me a few minutes later, and I tried my best to not look like I wanted to slit my wrists when I turned on the video monitor. By the expression of concern on his face, I'd have to say that I probably failed.

After we'd extended greetings to each other, and I'd had a long enough minute to look at him to realize that there was as much pain showing in his eyes as I felt in my heart, we got down to business. I explained to him what Alice had told me earlier.

"So I'm thinking," I said, ready to offer Victoria's solution as an option, "That if we can just calm down a little bit, and only text when it's appropriate, Ali will feel better, and we won't have to end this. From what she told me, that's really what she's upset about. So we'll text at your break, and then we'll skype at night before you sleep. It's not much," I accepted, "But it's better than nothing, don't you think?"  
"I definitely agree. I could handle that. It'd be worth it."

I agreed. We discussed a little more, and Jasper explained to me that he wasn't sure what had set her off in the first place, but that she wasn't talking to him much on Sunday either, other than to ask him to give me the message.

"Jasper, just promise me that you will tell me the truth... If I'm causing problems for your marriage, I want to end our relationship. I care way too much about the two of you to hurt you."

"I promise, Bella; I'll tell you if I think that's the case. Now what do you say we drop this subject for awhile? After last night, I just want to relax a little."

I quickly agreed, and the two of us talked about music for awhile. We talked about some of our favorite songs. I told him that mine was, hands down, Love Song by The Cure. He replied by giving me shit about how much The Cure sucked.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked, feigning great offense and shock. "I don't think I can be your girlfriend anymore. Who doesn't like The Cure? They're awesome!"

"They're just so... ugh. No," he disagreed. He went on for another full minute, at least, waxing poetic about how distasteful he found their music.

"Fine, I get it. You hate my favorite band of all time," I said, exasperated. "Who _do_ you like?"

"I like a lot of stuff. My favorite song ever is probably Little Wing, by Stevie Ray Vaughn. I've been trying to learn how to play it for years."

I knew Stevie Ray – he was one of my favorite guitarists. And the song that Jasper had just mentioned was an incredible one.

"Good choice," I said, glad that he hadn't horrified me with some awful song after dissing my favorite one.

He looked a little smug, but I let it slide. I was just glad to see him smiling again.

"Hang on a second," I said as my text alert sounded. "It's Ali."

_Hey, how's it going? I have a minute, so I thought I'd say hello._

_ -smiles- It's good. How about you?_

_ Busy tonight, but it'll be good. Talking to Jasper?_

I looked up at my screen and gave him a smile. He had picked up his Epiphone and was fooling around with one of the little riffs that he played all the time. It never went anywhere, but I had a feeling that it might, someday.

_Yeah, just about to tell him good night. _

_ He's tired. I feel like I've put him through the wringer. You too. I hope you guys got to talk a bit._

_ We did. We talked about how you two needed to focus more on your kids during the day and do better than we've been doing at that. _

I figured that telling her that we'd talked about her concerns would give her further reassurance that I cared about what mattered to her, and wanted to fix the problems that we had. I hoped it would give her confidence that we could make this relationship work.

_I'm glad you understand. I have to work again. Blah. TTYL_

I texted her a quick goodbye and then returned my attention to Jasper. "I like that, what you were just playing," I said as he set his guitar down beside him.

"It's just something I've been messing around with," he replied with a shrug. That was when I realized that it must have been a riff that he'd come up with on his own. And again, I was incredibly impressed with him.

"Well I think it's great," I stated. "But I can see your eyelids getting heavy. Why don't you go rest now, and we'll talk tomorrow, ok?"

He looked a bit sad, but agreed. "I _am_ tired. You gonna be ok, sweetie?"

"As long as you are," I answered. I kissed my fingers and then reached my hand up and touched the screen, and he met it with his fingers. "Good night, baby."

"Good night sweetie."

We stared at each other for a moment, then I ended the call.

I went over to my closet and took out Charlie's guitar. It was an old Washburn, in pretty good condition still, despite several years of my father sitting by the Pacific while strumming away on it. I opened the iphone tuner app, and tuned the guitar the way that Emmett had taught me. I spent a while practicing the chords that I'd learned.

I hadn't yet told Jasper that I was going to learn how to play. Honestly, I was a little intimidated by him and his talent, and didn't want him to know until I was at least good enough at playing the basic chords that I wouldn't make myself look ridiculous in front of him. I was determined to make it happen quickly, though, because the idea of playing with my boyfriend was almost a fairy tale image to me.

I practiced until my fingers couldn't stand to touch the strings for another second, which, honestly, didn't take long at all. It was good timing, though, since the text alert sounded just as I was putting the guitar back into my closet.

I picked up the phone and saw that it was a picture text from Alice. A picture of her legs. She was wearing the green and white striped knee socks. The same ones that she'd worn in my bed just a week before.

I wondered why, with everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, she was sending me this particular picture. I hoped that it was a sign that she wanted me still, that things were going to work out. I decided to answer her carefully, but with that hope in mind.

_I like those socks. _

_ Thanks! I knew you'd like them._

I don't know how I couldn't, what with the memories they evoked.

_-smiles- They remind me of nice things._

_ Yes, I like the nice things. How are things with you?_

_ Not bad. Thinking of you... Getting ready to sleep. How about you?_

_ It's a busy night here at work. I'll be exhausted when I go home. But you sleep. I have to get back to work anyway. Sleep well, B._

_ Goodnight Ali._

I held on to the phone for a moment, looking at a picture I'd taken of the three of us at my house. I kissed both their images, and then set the phone on my night table and turned off the lamp.

As I settled myself under the covers, I thought about the day. When I'd woken up that morning, it had been with the understanding that my relationship was over. I'd been heartbroken, and my head had been spinning with the effects of the SoCo I'd consumed the night before. Throughout the day, I'd been taken on a roller coaster of emotion, and I was more confused than ever. And now, just like when I'd woken up, my head was spinning. But this time it wasn't alcohol, but the effects of Alice.

I fell asleep that night with fear and hope for the next day in completely equal amounts.

**A/N: Again, I repeat, Do NOT drink a whole bottle of SoCo. It's a really, really bad idea. **

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I heard from several new people last one, and was very excited about that. I'd love to hear all of your thoughts on this one!**

**Previews in my review replies as always.**

**Until next time, you know... **

**T**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to Karmabalance and JaspersBella, the other two peas in my pod. Thanks for the hugs and the handholding and the hair stroking and the everything else that got me through these past few chapters.**

**Also, just wanted to add a little note because I've gotten a lot of questions in reviews lately about Edward. I want you to understand Bella's state of mind when it comes to him – things haven't been very good in that marriage for awhile. But Bella, in an effort to not fall apart by how much some of Edward's actions hurt her, sort of numbed herself to it all and just lived. Being with Jasper and Alice has brought to her mind so many memories, and she's realizing, slowly, the realities of her marriage. She was hurt before, but not angry. But divorce is a huge decision - if you've ever been through it, you know that. ****As you'll see in this chapter, though, things are starting to change.**

**And now, on with the chapter.**

_ I fell asleep that night with fear and hope for the next day in completely equal amounts._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 23**

When I woke up the next morning for work, I knew that I needed to find a way to keep my mind off of the emotional turmoil that my possible breakup was causing me. I decided that, since practicing on the guitar had been such a good distraction the night before, I should keep that up. Emmett advised me, as we were texting each other while I applied my makeup, that I should take the Washburn into the local music store to get new strings and make sure that everything else about the instrument was in proper condition. Remembering that there was a Guitar Center just down the street from the newspaper, I took the Washburn out to the car with me when I left for work, figuring I could make a quick trip on my lunch hour.

The morning passed slowly at work. I missed the usual good morning texts with Jasper, but the two of us were trying hard to stick to the guidelines that we thought would make Alice most comfortable, and that meant no texting unless Jasper was on his lunch break. All of my morning was spent on editing, and that didn't provide much distraction, really, since editing reminded me of the way that Jasper and I had met and become close.

Lunch time finally came, and I took my purse and phone, locking my office door on the way out, and walked to my car. It took less than five minutes to get to the Guitar Center, and I walked through it's open door, guitar in hand and butterflies in my stomach. This trip to the store made me learning to play guitar feel even more real.

Once I was inside the store, I was directed by one of the employees to go to the back wall, where "Axe-Man" Aro, the guitar tech, would be able to help me out. As I walked toward the back of the store, nervousness about what this man might be like was beginning to replace my excitement. He finally came into my sights a few moments later. I have to say, my nervousness may not have been entirely misplaced.

In front of me, surrounded by a bevy of both acoustic and electric guitars, as well as a bass or two, stood a man who was easily sixty years old and could have been a stand in for one of the members of ZZ Top. Or a punk rock Santa Clause. His white hair was long, down past his shoulders, and was accompanied by a long, fuzzy beard. He had a black beanie on his head and... holy shit, was that eyeliner?

I blinked rapidly a few times, and then walked slowly the rest of the way to his "shop". He looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey there, Princess. What do you have for me?"

His voice was smooth and calming, nothing like the gritty, raspy voice I'd expected to come from him. I found the nickname a little disturbing, though, especially combined with the way he was looking at me like I would make a delicious treat. But this was the man who held Charlie's guitar's future in his hands, so as far as I was concerned, he could call me whatever he wanted.

"This is my father's guitar," I said softly. "He gave it to me, and I really want to make sure that it's ok so that I can learn how to play it."

"Aw, your daddy's guitar, huh? Well, I know how important a daddy is to his little girl." He held out his hands toward me. "Let me take a look."

I handed the guitar to him and watched in silence as he examined it for a minute. "This is a really nice guitar, Princess. 1983 Washburn... spruce top, rosewood sides, the inlaid fretboard design... And the finish... No dings, no dents. Your daddy took good care of this."

He looked up at me and smiled. His expression indicated as much enthusiasm and excitement as I felt. For a minute, I thought he might try to lick my guitar. I was really glad that he didn't.

"Why don't you take a look around, check out the rest of the store. I'm going to polish her up for you and get you some new strings – these ones have been on for a long time and they're not looking so hot. That sound good to you?"

"Sure," I agreed, nodding eagerly. My unease about the man seemed to have faded as his love of my instrument became more and more obvious.

I walked back toward the front of the store, gazing at the wall of electric guitars on my left. I wondered if Jasper could play an electric as well as his acoustic. And then a turquoise one caught my eye and I approached it, running my fingertips gently down the fretboard over the strings. It was a Fender Strat, and I closed my eyes, imagining what it would be like to have it hanging from a strap over my shoulder as I rocked out on an amazing solo.

My little rockstar fantasy was interrupted by the text alert on my phone signaling a message from my own personal rockstar.

_Hey sweetie. You making it through the morning ok?_

I had meant to keep the whole guitar thing secret from Jasper for a bit, but I was overwhelmed with excitement at the moment, and all I needed to make the moment complete was to share it with him. So, rather than texting Jasper back, I dialed his number.

"Hey sweetie," he greeted.

"Hey! Guess where I am!" I said.

He paused for a second, listening to the noise surrounding me, I supposed, and then offered his guess. "Soundcheck for a concert?"

"Nope! But you're close... There _are_ guitars here. I'm at Guitar Center." I was grinning through every word.

"What are you doing there?" he asked.

"I never told you before, but my dad gave me his old guitar a few years ago. When I was in San Francisco, Emmett taught me to play a few chords. So I brought my guitar in to make sure it was in proper playing condition, and I'm finally gonna learn to play it!"

"Oh..." he said, sounding slightly less enthusiastic than I might have liked. "Well that's cool."

"If things work out," I replied, "and we get to see each other again, I was hoping _you'd_ teach me some things."

"I could most definitely do that," he agreed, his voice now sounding happy and as full of excitement as mine. "You probably need new strings on it. If you get a pack, I'll teach you how to put them on."

"Yeah, Axe-Man Aro said I needed some."

"Who?" he asked through his laughter.

"Hey, I didn't name him! That's what the guitar repair guy calls himself, I guess," I explained, shrugging even though he couldn't see me. "But yeah, I'll get the strings. Maybe you can show me on skype."

"Or I could show you next weekend when you come out here. If you can wait that long."

I had to smile at his optimism. I wanted to be as hopeful as he was, but the fear was still dominating my thoughts when it came to our relationship.

"That would be nice," I said softly.

"I really miss you," he said sadly.

"I miss you too, baby," I answered. "Wait a sec," I said as I took the phone away from my ear to listen to the store speakers. Sure enough, I was being paged. "Aro's calling me. I better go make sure my guitar is ok."

"Alright B. I should probably eat my lunch too. Talk to you later, ok?"

"Sounds good. Bye Jas."

I ended the call and returned to the back of the store, checking the time on my display on the way. I only had a few minutes fore I needed to head back to the office.

When I reached Aro, he was grinning down at my Washburn like it was some sort of prize. "She's all ready," he said, looking up as he sensed my approach. "Everything was just as it should be, and now she's shiny and clean with brand new strings."

My face fell a little when he revealed that he'd put the strings on already. Jasper would be disappointed. Truthfully, I was a bit too; I'd been looking forward to us doing it together. I realized, though, that there were still a million things that he could still teach me, so I smiled and focused on the fact that Charlie's guitar was ready for me to play.

I thanked Aro, who then proceeded to hug me and walk me to the front door, telling me to come back and see him any time I needed anything. I smiled uncomfortably as he winked and then carried my guitar back out to my car.

Back at the office, I was just starting to read over the AP newswires when my text alert sounded. I was hoping that it would be Alice, since it was right about the time that she usually woke up, so I was even more surprised than usual to find a text from Edward.

I opened it up, wondering what had prompted him to text me so soon after our last conversation... 3 weeks ago.

_Do you love me?_

What? That was it? No preamble or anything? Just a huge question like that out of the blue?

I stared at my phone for several minutes. I had no idea how to respond. It just didn't seem appropriate to tell my husband of eight years that I was no longer in love with him over a text message. Not to mention that if I was really going to leave him, it was only right that I tell him face to face. And I wasn't sure that I was ready to make that particular move just yet anyway, but I did know that I wasn't a liar. That meant that I needed to find a way to be honest without being hurtful.

If Edward had been in the same room as me at that moment, or hell, on the same continent even, I would have kicked him in the shins for putting me in this position. As it was, though, he was in Kenya and I still had a text message to answer.

I considered just ignoring it and pretending that I'd never received it. I could tell him that I had misplaced my phone if he asked me about it later... But no, that didn't seem like a very grown-up way of handling this situation. I was a writer. I was creative and intelligent. Surely I could come up with an answer for him.

Ten minutes of staring at my phone later, I finally thought of the perfect reply.

_As much as you do me._

Satisfied, I set my phone to the side and went back to the newswires. I was once again interrupted, however, just a few minutes later, by another text from Edward.

_I love you a lot._

I'd been living without feeling alive for years now. I'd realized, the second that Jasper told me that we couldn't be together anymore, that the numbness I'd become accustomed to was gone. I could feel again, whether I wanted to in that particular moment or not, and the feelings had terrified me. I didn't know how to deal with them, how to handle the pain in my heart, so I'd chugged a bottle of Southern Comfort in hopes of finding the safety of the numbness once again.

It wasn't until the next afternoon, when the effects of the alcohol wore off, that I realized that I could feel more than just pain. I felt so much, in fact, that it was overwhelming. Jasper and Alice had opened up something within me. I realized, in that moment, that my lovers had given me something very important. Though unintentional, they had shown me what it felt like to be in love.

I stared down at the message on my phone. I knew love now, and it made me see things more clearly. If Edward really believed that he loved me, he had no idea what love was. There was no question in my mind that I not only wasn't in love with Edward now, but I probably had never really been. What I had with Edward was something else entirely.

I didn't bother responding to his text. What else was there to say?

I read the first few stories on the AP wire before I distracted myself again, this time with thoughts of Alice. I knew without a doubt that she was awake by now. I wondered if she was thinking of me; of us. I wondered if she missed me as much as I missed her, if not knowing whether we'd ever be together again was eating at her the way it was me.

From what I could tell, Jasper and I wanted the same thing. But this wasn't a democracy. We could try to show her that it could work, that we were great together, but we couldn't outvote Alice and force her to stay in the relationship. Our future really was in her hands right now. And it was torturing me.

If it had been a regular day, I'd just text her, tell her good morning and ask her how her day was going. But it wasn't. We were in limbo, and I just had to wait.

Luckily, I couldn't obsess about the matter long, because Mike Newton knocked on my door a minute or two after I started. I was almost nervous about seeing him again after the last conversation we'd had. I really didn't want things to be awkward between us.

"Hey Bella," he called as he opened the door. I greeted him and gestured for him to come in and sit down. "You feeling better today?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I woke up feeling awful yesterday, but luckily it wore off. What's up?"

"Eric asked me to work on an article with you. There's big plans for a new public park to be built downtown. The city council is bringing it to a vote soon, but there's been a lot of arguing over it at city hall. It's a pretty big deal, and I've got interviews scheduled for this afternoon with several of the council members and the mayor. We also need to get some citizen input. Do you mind helping me out with it?"

Mike seemed to be completely comfortable talking with me, so I figured that things were back to normal between us. Maybe this time, we could actually be friends. Working together had always gone well in the past, so this time, I expected, would be no different. Not to mention something as big as this article sounded would keep my mind too busy to worry about what Alice may or may not have been thinking and doing for quite a while.

"Sure, Mike, that'd be great. I'll get my bag and we can get going right away."

Mike and I were in his Camry, on our way back to the office, after a rather exhausting number of interviews. We'd each spoken to two council members, as well as a handful of citizens on the street, and then done a joint interview with the mayor. As we drove, we agreed to organize our notes when we got back to the office, and then we'd figure out our plan for writing the article.

About halfway to the office, my text alert sounded. I figured it was acceptable to answer, since Mike was busy singing along with Bon Jovi.

_Are you enjoying the day?_

Once again, Alice was going to act like nothing was wrong. How did she figure I could actually enjoy anything with the giant black cloud threatening to wash away our relationship looming just over my head?

_It's ok. Got my dad's guitar fixed, but then I got cornered by Edward._

_ What happened?_

_ He asked me point blank if I loved him. 15 minutes later, I finally answered with "as much as you love me."_

_ WTF? What did he say?_

_ He said he loved me a lot. I just ignored him after that._

_ Do you believe him?_

Sometimes talking with Alice felt like what I imagined it would be like to talk to a therapist. She tended to ask me the questions that I should have been asking myself. It was a little unsettling, I supposed, but she really was helping me to figure things out.

I thought for a minute about her question. I thought about all of the things that had happened between my husband and I in the past few years – the unimportant lost baby, the unilateral decision to move half a world away, the cold, impersonal phone conversations that had dwindled to once a month. I thought about what Victoria and Mike had said to me. I thought about the conversations that I'd had with Emmett, the conversations in which he tried to convince me that I was amazing and deserved to be with someone who knew that, and who gave me the love and affection and attention that I needed. I thought about the way that Jasper looked at me, and how different it was than the way that Edward did.

The answer was easy.

_No. He might think what he said is true, but what we have is not love. You don't treat someone you love the way he treats me._

_ But do you think he believes that he loves you? I know it's not the same, but I wonder how delusional he really is._

I sighed. I really didn't know what went through Edward's mind anymore. But if I was really honest with myself, I could make a pretty good guess. The more I thought about the past, the more I realized that things hadn't changed so much as they had simply progressed.

_I think he does. In his twisted way, he thinks he loves me. But it's like the way you love a shiny new toy or something._

_ You're like property, not a person, right?_

_ Yes. Just like that. He wants me on a shelf, waiting for him, knowing I'm there whenever he wants to play with me, but just sitting quietly the rest of the time._

And the sad thing was, I realized, that's exactly what I'd been doing for Edward for years. I'd lost myself, and it wasn't until the night that I met Jasper and Alice that I started to find myself again. I didn't want to let that go.

_-snickers- I can't see you sitting quietly and waiting. Have you told him all this?_

_I've been telling him for years, ever since he went to Kenya. I'm done waiting around._

_ I wouldn't wait quietly either. Do you think he'll ever understand?_

For the first time ever, I was going to admit the truth out loud. The truth that I'd given up on my marriage.

_If I did, I would have kept waiting._

_ I'm sorry. I don't think you have feelings for him anymore, but rejection hurts us even when we don't care. _

I shook my head as I read her message. The thing was, it didn't hurt. It had, for a long time. It had hurt terribly. But in letting go of hope for Edward and me, I'd also let go of the hurt.

_I'm alright._

And, at least in terms of my relationship with Edward, I was telling the truth.

_I'm back at my office, Ali. I'll ttyl. Have a nice day._

Mike and I spent about a half an hour in the office, getting our notes together and planning out the best way to write the story. Once we had the outline ready, we each took the relevant notes and headed out to our cars.

On my way home, I got a text from Jasper.

_Hey B. I left work late, so I'm on my way home now. I'm hoping we can skype tonight, but Alice has the night off, so it might take some convincing on her part. I'll try my best though. I miss you baby._

_ That would be really nice, J. I haven't seen Ali in so long, and I miss you too. Plus, I want to show you my guitar. -grins-_

_ I'll do all I can, baby, I promise. I gotta pay attention to the road now, though. Bad traffic. -kiss-_

I set my phone back down in my cup holder, hoping that Alice would want to skype too. We didn't have to fool around, I just wanted to see them and have the comfort of knowing that they were still there, that they wanted to spend time with me. And, if it wasn't going to last, at least I could see my girl one more time before I had to let her go.

With as late as I had left the office, I had to rush around when I got back to my house. I had put off my mom and Phil for the past few weeks, but they were coming for our weekly dinner tonight. Since my mother was never much of a cook anyway, I figured no one would notice if I cheated a little, so I pulled two packages of Chicken Voila sweet and sour chicken mix out of the freezer and poured them into my large frying pan, and then poured a few cups of water into a smaller pot and set it on the stove to boil so that I could make extra rice. Once that was done, I ran down the hall to change into some jeans before my guests arrived.

Renee and Phil knocked on my door just as I was spooning the chicken mixture over the rice in a large bowl. I didn't bother going to the door, as I knew that Renee only knocked as a warning before she let herself into my house.

"Hi guys," I called from the kitchen. "Go ahead and sit down at the table, I'll be right in with dinner."

"Smells good in here, Bella!" Phil exclaimed as he pulled out a chair at the already-set dining room table.

"Thanks," I replied as I laid the serving bowl in the center of the table. "Hope it tastes just as good."

"I'm sure it will," my mother commented as she kissed me on the cheek. "Do you have any wine?"

"Of course I do, mom," I replied as I retreated back into my kitchen for the bottle of white zinfandel that I had chilled.

As the three of us ate, we talked about the latest news in our lives. I talked about my trip to San Francisco, Phil told us how spring training was going for the high school baseball team he coached, and mom talked about her latest pursuit – pottery. Mom, as always, was full of questions about my life. It was going alright until she wanted to know if I'd talked to Edward lately. Rather than have that particular conversation with her, I just said no. I noticed the face she made at my answer, but just left it alone. Sometimes, especially with Renee, it was just easier to stay quiet.

I thought that the Edward portion of the conversation was going to be the kicker, but Renee had more up her sleeve than just that. And it came just as I was scooping orange sherbert into bowls for desert.

"So Bella, would you prefer ham or turkey for Easter?"

She had to be kidding, right? My mom, over the course of my entire life, had been religious in a Christian sense twice. Both periods of religious fervor had fizzled out within a few months. She'd framed these periods with bouts of exploration into earth-based religions as well. And now she wanted us to celebrate Easter?

"Um, I don't want either. I have plans this weekend."

"With who?" she demanded.

"Victoria," I replied matter-of-factly. "And before you ask, Victoria isn't any more interested in doing Easter than I am."

Renee frowned at me and I stifled the laughter as Phil patted her shoulder in an attempt to pacify her.

"You know," Renee said with a very serious look on her face. "I have no problem with lesbianism."

Again, I was convinced that it was some kind of joke, but Renee wasn't laughing. I stared blankly at her for a minute, not sure how to respond. While she wasn't completely wrong here – I did currently have a girlfriend, and she wasn't the first woman I'd ever been with – and I knew that she probably would take the news that I was bisexual with her usual casual grace, I just wasn't really ready to have that conversation with her. Someday, yes. But not while I was still married to Edward. And not while I was eating orange sherbert.

"That's wonderful, Mom," I finally answered, trying to sound casual. "But Victoria is not my girlfriend." It was the truth, but Renee did not look convinced. That's when I began to take offense. "Seriously, Mom, why do you think I'm sleeping with everybody? First Emmett, now Vic? I'm not a whore, Mom!"

On some future occasion, I'd probably look back at this conversation and wonder whether I was trying to convince my mother or myself in regards to my status as a whore. But I wasn't going to psychoanalyze myself at the dinner table.

"I never said you were, Bella," she replied. Phil was watching our back and forth silently, as if it were a tennis match. "But you're obviously not having any sex with Edward, what with him being so far away. A woman has needs, Bella."

I immediately began looking for a hole to crawl into. Did Renee live to humiliate and mortify me? I was pretty sure that I was actually going to die of embarrassment. It could have easily happened, considering every drop of blood had abandoned my body for my face.

"Mom..." I was pleading for her to just shut up. My stepfather was in the room, for god's sake!  
"You should at least have a dildo."

"Alright, mom," I interrupted, rising from the table. "It's late, and I have to do yoga. It was really nice seeing you tonight. Same time next week?"

"So that's still a no on Easter?"

"Good bye mother."

"Good night, Bella," Phil said as he walked out the door. He was somewhere between amused and embarrassed, and had completely failed at stopping the chuckles. I wished him good night and locked the door behind them, resting my forehead against it in disbelief.

After I cleared the table and washed the dishes, I retreated to my room to get set up for yoga. A text came from Jasper just as I was laying the mat on the floor.

_It's a nice night here. Getting the motorcycle out. We've got to go visit some friends for a bit. _

_ Motorcycle?_

_ Yeah... It's not much, just an old one, but it's mine. I'll take you for a ride on it some time._

I'd ridden on a couple of motorcycles in my life. When I was a teenager, I had a friend named Jacob who lived near my dad, and he'd taught me how to ride. I liked it a lot, but Charlie had nearly killed us both when he'd found out. I'd also ridden on the back of one once with Randall, a guy I dated in college right before I met Edward. Once was enough, really. I did _not_ like being on the back of a motorcycle. It was terrifying, feeling so exposed to danger and having no control over the machine under me. I'd almost caused Randall to crash when I'd leaned the opposite direction as him on a turn in sheer panic.

The idea of riding with Jasper gave me mixed emotions. I trusted him, but I was still scared. I had to admit, though, that the mental image I was having of him on a bike was really quite sexy. Maybe I could just watch him ride?

_Maybe... Have a fun ride._

_ Ok sweetie. Hopefully I'll see you later on skype. Ali hasn't said yes yet.. _

_ Ok baby. TTY then. -kiss-_

I set my phone down on my bed and turned on my yoga playlist. I usually did a routine with a video, but tonight I just wanted to get lost in the movements and the breathing. There were so many things swimming through my mind: anxiety about what Alice was going to decide, sadness for how much I missed her and Jasper, resignation about Edward, mixed with fear of what was going to happen when I was finally honest with him... I needed to forget, just for a little while.

When I finished my workout, I went in and turned on the water in the bathtub, making it extra hot and pouring some bubble bath into the water. Operation Relax Bella was still in full swing.

As I waited for the tub to fill, I lit a few candles and brought my macbook in, clicking the itunes icon and turning on Iron and Wine. Then I picked up my phone and texted Alice, hoping to provide the rest of the convincing that Jasper had thought she needed.

_-smiles sweetly- Did you know that I haven't seen you in a whole week?_

_ I know. We're at a friend's house chilling right now though. :(_

_ In that case, I'm going to take a nice long bath. Maybe when you get home?_

_ We'll see. Have fun._

To be honest, when I set my phone down, I wasn't too hopeful. I slid into the hot water with a sigh, feeling frustrated and confused. I didn't understand why Alice seemed so hot and cold. I had no idea what she really wanted, and it was making me crazy. I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells where she was concerned, and I missed the comfort that her presence in my life usually brought.

I began to cry softly, wishing that she'd just talk to me.

I soaked in the tub for an hour before I finally got out and dried myself off and dressed in my pajamas. I took my macbook and iphone and sat down on my bed, deciding to spend a little time working on the story that I was writing while I waited for Jasper or Alice to text me.

It was very late by the time my text alert sounded, and I knew without even looking at the message that there wasn't going to be any skype call that night. Sadly, I picked up my phone and saw that the message was from Jasper.

_I'm sorry we couldn't skype, sweetie. Alice is not in a good mood. Don't text her, ok? Wait for her to come to you. I've got to try to get some sleep, I'm so damned tired. I miss you, Bella._

I wondered if my texts to Alice had caused her bad mood. I felt like I couldn't do anything right these days. With a heavy sigh, I texted Jasper back.

_I'm sorry if I upset her. I didn't mean to. I just miss you both so much... I'm scared, Jasper. I really want things to be ok_

_ I know, baby. I'm trying my hardest to get things settled over here. I promise. _

_ I know you are. I know you hate this as much as I do. Just get some sleep, ok? I'll tty at lunch._

_ Alright... Good night Bella. -kiss-_

_ Sleep well, Jasper. -kiss-_

I set the alarm on my phone and laid it on the nightstand, then turned on my lullaby playlist. Switching off the light, I rolled over on to my side and snuggled up to my pillow. It had been a long day. A long few days, really. I was so very tired.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you so much to Karmabalance and JaspersBella, who have been working overtime reading for me lately, and who are always there for a chat or just to hold my hand when my heart aches from writing.**

**I also need to thank rockstar for allowing me to use his lyrics. His music has always touched my heart, and I'm glad to have a bit of it in here.**

_ It had been a long day. A long few days, really. I was so very tired._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 24**

I didn't get much sleep that night; instead, I spent most of it tossing and turning, wondering when the proverbial shoe was going to drop. When the alarm went off in the morning, I was already staring blankly at a crack that was forming in my bedroom ceiling. Morbidly, I wondered, as the siren blared from my iphone, what would happen if the plaster finally cracked all the way through while I was lying in my bed. I decided it was better not to continue with that particular line of thought and dragged myself out of bed.

An hour later, I slipped my quiet phone into my purse and walked through the front doors of the newspaper. I was just opening my office door when my name was called from down the hall.

Turning my head toward the sound of the voice, I saw Eric's head poking out of his office door. "Mind coming to my office in a few minutes?" he asked once he realized that he had my attention.

I agreed, then unlocked my office door and went in, setting my things on my desk and turning on my computer. Once everything was settled, I took a deep breath, trying to push away the feelings that I couldn't really deal with while I was at work, and then walked down the hall to see my boss.

"Hey Eric," I greeted, entering his office and taking a seat. "What do you need?"

"I just wanted to take a minute to tell you what a super job you did on the Chinese business talks," he said. Then he paused, giving me a moment to absorb what he'd said while offering me a warm smile. "I was very impressed. The editor-in-chief was as well. It was a different angle than most of the bigger papers used, and one that was very well received."

I couldn't stop grinning, despite my efforts to do so.

"Have you seen these?" Eric continued, picking up a small stack of papers and handing them to me.

I flipped through the stack and found that they were letters to the editor received in the past few days. Each one was about my article. I looked back up at my boss, who was matching my smile.

"You did well, Bella. Really. Thank you for proving my decision to put you on this project right."

"You're welcome," I replied, fighting the urge to do a victory dance similar to the one I did when he first told me of the trip. I reached out to shake his outstretched hand. "Thank you for giving me the opportunity."

"I didn't give it to you, Bella. You earned it," he said, stepping around his desk and patting me on the shoulder. "Now get out of my office and go earn another one."

We both laughed as I scurried out the door and back down the hall. I was beaming.

I may have done that victory dance as soon as my own office door was shut.

When I was done, I sat down at my desk and opened up the file that I'd worked on the night before for the park story, minimizing it on my screen. Then I opened my inter-office email and found Mike's rough draft. Once I'd read it over and merged the two together, I sent the file off to Mike for his approval, then worked on some edits while I waited for his reply.

I was nearly finished with my editing when Mike knocked gently on my office door. He entered when I looked up and took a seat on the other side of my desk. We spent the next half hour going over some of the finer details of the story and discussing where we thought improvements could be made. I found that it was really relaxing to work with Mike now that he wasn't hitting on me all the time. We joked a bit, and the atmosphere was comfortable.

"Hey, who is that singing?" he asked, looking at my macbook with a furrowed brow as he clicked the button to send our story to Eric.

Jasper's cover of Nirvana's Something in the Way was on. "Friend of mine," I said, smiling proudly. "He lives in Vegas."

"He's really good," Mike said. I nodded. "You've always had great taste in music."

He was right, by the way. On both counts.

I thanked Mike as he rose from the chair. "Alright, I'm heading out for lunch. Want to join me?"

"Thanks," I replied with a smile. "But I brought my lunch today."

Mike nodded as I gestured to the brown bag beside my computer and then shrugged. "Well, maybe another time then," he said. "It was nice working with you, Bella. I think we put out a damn good article."

I had to agree. Our writing strengths complimented each other, and it had been pleasant to work with company. "Have a nice lunch, Mike," I said as he walked out the door.

Gathering my iphone and my lunch, as well as the blanket that I had been keeping in one of my desk drawers, and walked to the park across the street. I texted Jasper as soon as I was settled on the blanket under my favorite shade tree.

_Hey J. Lunch time here... _

I was a few bites into my sandwich before I heard back from him.

_Hey sweetie. Just got off the floor. Had a big morning. Lots of people out here for Spring Break, I guess. How has your morning been?_

_ Eric called me into his office – wanted to tell me what a "super" job I did in San Fran! I got lots of attention for it from the readers and the head of the paper. I'm so excited!_

_ I'm so proud of you, B! I knew you could do it baby!_

And just like that, the moment was complete. There was something about sharing my success with Jasper that made it even more important to me. I really wished that I could tell Alice too, but he had told me to give her space, so that wasn't an option at the moment.

_Thank you baby! I'm really excited about what this could mean for me. =) So... big morning for you too, huh?_

_ Yeah. Been making a ton of tips. Drunk college kids for the win!_

_ LOL. Glad to hear it. You deserve a good morning too. _

_ Yeah... So, been practicing a lot?_

_ -grins- Sure have! _

_ How're those fingers doing?_

I looked down at my left hand, where my fingertips were indented with lines and still a bit swollen. They were also extremely tender to the touch.

_So sore! Earlier, while I was typing, my ring finger told me I should go fuck myself._

_ That one deserves a -headdesk- for sure! LMAO _

I re-read the text that I'd sent him and started laughing out loud. It really was terrible wording.

_Wow, did I just pull a Jasper? ;)_

_ Kiss my ass. =p_

_ Isn't that against the Constitution? -giggles- Anyway, you know I love it when you're smooth... _

I did. I found his awkwardness, his shyness, and his terrible wording so endearing, even more so when his face and ears flushed red with embarrassment. I always felt the overwhelming urge to kiss him when he looked like that. He was so close to perfect in so many ways... These were the things that made him seem more real.

_I'm so going to get you for that one._

_ Promise?_

_ God, I hope so._

_ Me too. I gotta go back to work though. TTYL?_

_ Skype tonight. See you then, baby. _

I smiled at his text and tucked the phone into my pocket so that I could fold the blanket and go back to the office.

After my lunch break, I worked on a follow up article for a story that I'd covered the week before, and then scanned the AP newswires for anything else of importance. It was hard to focus, though, because I looked away from my computer screen approximately every two minutes to make sure I hadn't accidentally missed the sound of my text alert notifying me that Alice wanted to talk. Each time, I was disappointed.

I was nearly in tears by two-thirty, and decided that it was time for more of Irina's good advice. Opening my email program, I typed her a message.

_Hey Irina,_

_ Since my last email, things have gotten rather complicated. Our weekend together was nothing short of amazing, but by the time it ended, something had happened... I don't know what, exactly, but things felt different. I tried to fight it, but the truth is, I'm in love with them. And just after I realized it, Alice decided that she wanted to end things. Jasper told me Sunday night. Let's just say neither of us took it well. He didn't say why... I think she might be overwhelmed by it all... I think she was feeling things too. I think we all were. And she's scared. That's just a guess, though. Anyway, the next morning, Alice was saying that maybe we weren't going to break up... I don't know what the hell is going on now. It's been DAYS. Days of not knowing. I'm going to go crazy, and she won't even talk to me. I want to call her, text her, tweet her...fucking anything. But Jasper says I shouldn't. I don't know what to do, Irina. I don't work like this; I need communication!_

_ -sigh-_

_ Bella_

I worked through the last couple of hours of my workday with still no word from Alice. I was getting sadder by the minute, the good news of my morning practically forgotten as it hid behind my anxiety. In an attempt to fight off the bad mood, I turned on my 80s playlist while I worked on an article revision. It worked for a bit, until Corey Hart started singing I Wear My Sunglasses At Night. I hit the mute button as fast as I could and walked down to the break room to buy a Butterfinger from the vending machine, fighting tears the whole way.

From four-thirty until four fifty-three, I stared at the clock, sighing over and over as I watched the minutes pass by. It's a very boring task, stalking a digital clock.

My email inbox alerted me of a new message right before I closed my laptop, so I opened it up. It was Irina's reply.

_Bella,_

_ Follow Jasper's lead on this. He has known Alice much longer than you have, and if he wants to __preserve the relationship as you think he does, he will not be giving you bad advice. I know you need more... It may be that you will never get that from Alice, though. She operates differently than you do. It __will be your choice whether you care enough for her to deal with that difference, or if you'd prefer to walk away. _

_ A relationship like this is always complicated. When two people are together, there are two sets of emotions and worries. Yours has three. I don't know what Alice will say in the end, but I will tell you that getting three people to be on the same wavelength is a difficult task to achieve for any length of time. If you stay together now, you will need to tread carefully. Especially now that you've involved your heart, just as I knew you would._

_ I'm always just an email away, dear. _

_ Irina._

Later that evening, after I mopped my kitchen floor, scrubbed down all the cupboards, and spent nearly an hour practicing my guitar chords while ignoring the pain in my fingertips, I got a text from Jasper asking if I was ready to skype.

_Most definitely. Running to computer now. Skype at your convenience._

His call came within seconds of me sitting down on my bed in front of the screen.

"Hey," he said. He looked as miserable as I felt. He also looked exhausted.

"Hey baby," I said, letting the concern for his condition color my tone. "Did you have a rough day?"

"Rough week is more like it," he replied.

I nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. "Yeah..." Sighing heavily, I wondered if it were possible to count the knots in my own stomach. "I really want a drink."

Guilt washed over me as I watched Jasper's face pale at my words. Once again, I realized just how much my actions the night of our "breakup" had scared and disturbed him.

"I'm not going to have one, Jasper. I promised you that I wouldn't do that again, and I'm not going to break that promise. I just... My nerves are frayed and my heart is aching. I just wish I could not feel anything for awhile. This is awful."

"I know what you mean," he said, leaning back into the pillows a little bit further as my assurances calmed him. "It's been forever since I've felt relaxed."

"Yeah. That," I agreed. "Hang on a second. I'll be right back."

Just as I started to stand up, Jasper called my name. "Bella, baby...please..."

"Jasper," I said calmly, looking directly into the camera. "I will not break my promise to you."

He seemed appeased, so I walked out of the room and down the hall. When I got to the kitchen, I opened the pantry cupboard and stepped inside, looking around. I knew that eating right now was probably a bad idea, but I was going to do it anyway. I found a bag of peanut butter M&Ms and pulled it off the shelf, opening it as I walked back down the hall to my bedroom.

I sat back down on my bed and smiled at Jasper, popping a piece of candy into my mouth. "See? Just chocolate," I said, reassuring him. "I shouldn't eat it. Getting fat is not going to help things. It's certainly not going to make Alice want me."

I said the words with bitterness tinging my voice. Several years ago, before Edward made the decision to go to Kenya, I had developed the nervous habit of eating when I got anxious about my school work. The last semester of my BA had been incredibly stressful – I was taking three senior level classes on top of interning at the local newspaper. Fifteen pounds shouldn't have been a huge matter, but apparently it had been to Edward. I'd gone up a whole size in pants, and he'd noticed. He made sure that I did as well.

I could see myself, as if it had been yesterday, sitting on the counter in the kitchen of our apartment – it was before we'd moved into the house where I was living now – with a bag of Oreos beside me and a mug of milk in my hand, my Law of Mass Communication book propped up in my crossed legs. I was absorbed in the section of libel when a low groan from the hall distracted me. It was Edward, and the look on his face was something that I'd never forget: disgust.

He thought I was disgusting.

From that day forward, Edward wasn't the only one in our apartment who thought so. I did everything I could to avoid being naked in front of him; I wouldn't even take off my shirt when we made love. My whole life, I'd always thought that I was was plain. I no longer worried about that, but what I had begun to feel was so much worse.

A few years later, Emmett, soon after we'd become friends, told me that he thought I was beautiful. He was the first person other than my parents to say that to me in I couldn't even remember how long. I figured that he was just trying to be nice. Sure, I'd lost weight - I was back to my early college size by that point; I'd worked hard, getting back into yoga and learning to eat better - but still, I wasn't beautiful.

Looking at Jasper's face on skype as he looked at me now, though... I was starting to believe that maybe I was.

"You shouldn't eat too much just because it's almost bedtime and the sugar won't help you sleep, but don't worry about anyone not wanting you. Alice might not be sure what she thinks is best right now, but don't doubt for a minute that she wants you. Or that I do." He stared at me intensely for a moment. "God, I want you, Bella."

A long time ago, those words would have made me uncomfortable, and I would have blushed from head to toe. Not tonight, though. No; Jasper's words sent tingles through my whole body and raised every hair on my arms. They made my heart beat fast and my breath catch in my throat.

"That feeling is entirely mutual," I breathed. "Thank you, Jasper. You make me feel like something special."

"You _are_ something special," he corrected. "I really wish I could hold you right now."

"So do I." I blushed and looked down for a few seconds, smiling. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how incredibly special he was, but I didn't want to make him feel awkward.

"Alice hasn't contacted me all day," I said, changing the subject.

"She wasn't feeling well today. I was surprised she went to work, really," he said.

"She's sick?" I asked, concerned for the girl I loved.

"Yeah, sore throat and a bad cough."

I picked my phone up from the nightstand and typed a quick message to Alice. She'd checked on me all the time while I'd been sick, and it had always made me feel better. I wasn't going to ask for a conversation, but I sent her a text in hopes of maybe improving her mood even the tiniest bit.

_Hey baby. J says you're not feeling well. I just wanted to let you know that you're on my mind. Hope you feel better soon._

She responded almost immediately, which surprised me. I had assumed she would be busy at work.

_Of course he did. Thanks._

I stared at the screen, confused. What the hell did _that_ mean? I read it again, several times, wanting a way to read it that didn't sound unpleasant. There _was_ one, but I wasn't convinced that she had meant it that way. Yet again, I felt like I was standing in the middle of a room where the floor was covered in eggshells. The only way out was to walk over them.

_Um...sure? I don't want to bother you, and I'm not sure if you want to talk, so I'm just trying to give you space, but I want you to know that I miss you._

I sighed and looked back up at the screen where Jasper had been waiting patiently. Alice did not reply to my text.

"I just wish she'd talk to me," I said, sighing again.

"I know, honey. This is just how she is. When she's upset, she hides herself away from the world and deals with it on her own. She's been this way as long as I've known her. It's frustrating as all hell for me too. I just want to talk and fix things. But she won't."

"This is going to make me crazy," I replied.

"Me too. It already is, really. I haven't slept since Saturday night when she told me we had to end things with you."

"You knew Saturday?" I asked.

He looked guilty, but apologetic. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to ruin your trip. I just wanted to wait until you got home."

"It doesn't matter," I said, popping another handful or M&Ms into my mouth. "But I was worrying about her. I thought that her dad had upset her again." I sighed. "Anyway, I know what you mean. I haven't been sleeping well either."

Jasper held up a glass of what appeared to be water. "Well, tonight there will be sleep. I got a sleeping pill. I'm taking it now. 1, 2, 3, fuck it." He tossed it into his mouth and then chased it with water. "It'll probably take a while to kick in."

"Do you want to play for me while we wait?"

He smiled. "I'd love that. I've actually been working on a little something this week. I'll play it for you. Hang on." Jasper rose from his bed and disappeared for a few minutes, then returned with his Epiphone. He held up a grey pick and winked. "Got a new one."

I laughed softly and then settled back into the pillows to listen to him.

He began to strum the guitar, and within a few seconds, I recognized the song as one of the mp3s he had previously sent me. I wasn't sure of the name; it was a guitar-only track, no lyrics. Well, it had been. Until tonight.

"Baby...hear me..." he sang.

My breath caught in my throat. I didn't know what the name of the note was that he was singing, but it was a note that he should sing all the time. He drew out the word, holding it on that one sound for several seconds. His voice was breathy and reminiscent of the way he sounded when he moaned my name during sex. I shivered.

God, he sounded sexy!

"Darlin, please, I'm begging you, don't leave me in the cold. Baby...feel me... I'm begging you, don't take from us what once was ours to hold."

The tears started streaming from my eyes without my permission. He had written a song about me? About not wanting to lose me? I'd thought that his words and the way he'd looked at me earlier had made me feel special. They had nothing on this.

I listened to the rest of the song, never taking my eyes off of Jasper. Without even realizing what I was doing, I reached over to my nightstand and picked up Jasper's guitar pick, holding it in my shaking hand and rubbing it's smooth surface. By the time the music faded away, I was wiping my eyes with the end of my shirt sleeve.

"That was..." I didn't know what word to use. "Amazing," I finished. It was the wrong word. It wasn't big enough or important enough to convey what I wanted to say. But I was so blown away by the gift he'd just given me that I couldn't come up with any others.

Jasper smiled shyly. "I'm glad you liked it."

"I loved it," I corrected. "Your voice... My god, Jasper... Wow." I really hoped I wasn't drooling.

He set his guitar down gently, leaning it up against the wall, and then returned to the center of my screen. Pulling one of his pillows beside him, he leaned up on it, his elbow resting beside it and his head leaning onto his hand.

"Thanks," he said, smiling.

I was still staring at him. His voice had stirred up feelings of desire in me, but I didn't think that, with everything still up in the air, it would be appropriate to do anything about it. In my staring, however, I noticed that his eyelids looked heavy and his blinks were beginning to take longer to end.

"Baby, you're tired," I said, realizing that the sleeping pill was kicking in. "Go to sleep."

"I'm fine," he argued. "I don't want to leave you yet."

Not wanting him to leave either, I didn't argue the point. I could always end our call myself if he fell asleep, and he was already in bed, so it was really harmless.

"Alright," I agreed. Wanting to keep the smile on his face, I jumped out of the bed and returned seconds later with my Washburn. I began to tell him about the day that Charlie gave it to me. I was only about halfway through the story when Jasper's head dipped down.

"Jasper!" I called.

He looked up at me, his head still lolling a bit on his hand, and smiled. "Hey baby."

I laughed. "Jas, you're falling asleep. Just go to bed."

"I'm fine," he repeated, his voice sounding overly happy. "But I feel kind of like I'm floating."

Snickering, I realized that the pill was making him high. It was rather amusing to watch; I could tell he was having trouble focusing on my image on his screen.

"I'm glad you're going to play guitar," he said, his words beginning to have the slightest bit of a slur. "Maybe one day we can play together."

I couldn't help but smile at the dreamy look on his face. I know the pill was mostly to blame, but I couldn't deny how much I liked the sound of his idea.

"That would be really nice, Jasper," I replied. "Really, really nice."

"You're really nice, baby," he replied dreamily, his eyes already closed. "And pretty."

I ducked my head down, feeling the fire in my cheeks as the blush took over.

"I love you, Bella," he said out of the blue, just before he removed his hand and let his head lay against the pillow.

He was high. I repeated it over and over to myself. I couldn't take him seriously. He was high and falling asleep. He didn't know what he was saying.

These were the things I told myself. I couldn't let those four words matter, because it was too dangerous. Tomorrow, he wouldn't remember. Tomorrow, Alice might say that we were done. Tomorrow, my heart might be shattered. I had to protect myself in any way that I could.

"You're high, baby, and tired. Get some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, sweetie," he replied.

"Goodnight, Jasper." I clicked on the big red circle to end our call. "I love you," I whispered when he was gone from my screen.

I set my computer on the nightstand and clicked on the lullaby playlist, then turned off my light. I lay in bed, staring into the darkness, for several minutes before I fell asleep, wondering if there was any chance that, pills or not, Jasper might really have meant those words.

The next morning I was running around the house, trying to get everything in order before Victoria arrived. I was just putting fresh sheets on my bed when my cell rang. Assuming it was Vic calling to let me know she was on her way, I ran over to grab the phone.

I was surprised when I was greeted by a gritty, sexy, low-pitched voice. "Hey baby."

"Jasper?" I asked, slightly confused. "Hey! What're you doing?"

"I'm on break... picked up an extra shift today."

"That's cool," I said. "So how'd that sleeping pill work out for you?"  
"Slept like the dead," he replied. "But damn, that shit made me high last night."

"Yes," I agreed, laughing softly at the memory. "Yes it did."

"So..." he said, sounding nervous and a little uncomfortable. "I think I may have said some things last night."

"Yes," I agreed again. "Yes, you did. But I know how high you were, Jasper. We don't have to talk about it. I can forget that it happened."

He was quiet for a minute. "I don't want you to," he finally said, his voice soft, but sure. "I meant it. I didn't mean to say it like _that_, but it doesn't change the fact that it's true."

My eyes filled with tears. He loved me. Jasper loved me. I took a moment just to bask in the glory of those three words, closing my eyes and feeling the warmth in my heart spread throughout my body.

"Really?" I asked.

"I love you, Bella. Really."

He wasn't high. He wasn't half asleep. He was of sound mind, and he still loved me. For just a second, my life was perfect.

But then I remembered what was missing: Alice. Alice, who I also loved. Alice who didn't seem to be talking to me right now, and who held our futures in her hands. Alice who should have been a part of this. I wanted to say those words to her as well.

But I couldn't. Not yet. I was too afraid that the words, the admission that the Constitution had been broken, would scare her away.

And that was the reason behind my next words to Jasper.

"I love you, Jasper," I replied, my voice shaking. "But we can't say that anymore. At least not for awhile. It's not right for us to do it when Ali isn't in on it."

"I agree completely," he said. "But I don't want you to think that I don't feel it, ok?"

"It's the same on my end, I assure you."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Alright then. I gotta get back to work. Have fun with Victoria, ok?"

"I will. Have a good day at work."

"I will, baby."

"Oh, and Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember..."

"I do. And you remember too."

**A/N: I'd love to hear what you think. Your reviews are like little gifts – you have no idea how much I enjoy each on. As always, previews in my review replies.**

**Until next time... You know.**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: The storyline is mine, but SM owns the characters. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Thanks, as always, to the wonderful Karmabalance and JaspersBella, who keep reading for me, even when my chapters make them emo. I love you both.**

**Thanks also to my B, who has been there through thick and thin. I hope you laugh. Love you.**

_ "Oh, and Jasper?"_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "Remember..." _

_ "I do. And you remember too." _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 25**

Two hours later, I opened the door for Victoria with a smile still on my face at the memory of Jasper's admission. He loved me.

I threw my arms around my friend, squeezing her tight. "Vic!"

She hugged me back, then pulled away and stepped inside. "Hey B! Sorry I'm late. I have no idea how I manage to get lost on my way to your house. I mean, I used to freaking live in this area!"

I shook my head, trying and failing to stifle my laughter. I was not even a little bit surprised.

"Only you, V, really," I laughed, taking her overnight bag and setting it in front of the bookcase while she walked over to the couch. "Guess you'll be wanting a drink, then?"

"Malibu?" she suggested.

I nodded and ran into the kitchen and pulled out a couple of glasses and the bottle of Mango Malibu. I poured about two shots worth of alcohol into each glass, then filled them the rest of the way with Orange Strawberry juice and a couple of ice cubes. I left the ingredients out on the counter, in case we wanted refills, and then carried the glasses into the living room, sitting down on the couch beside my friend and handing her one.

"I guess I shouldn't ask how your drive went..."

Victoria frowned and shook her head. "You really shouldn't." She tipped her cup up and took a long drink, then smiled as she put it down. "That's really good. Thanks."

"Just an idea I had," I said nonchalantly. I liked experimenting with alcohol, and this drink had been one of my better attempts.

"You look exhausted," she pointed out.

"I haven't slept well this week," I admitted sadly. "Too worried about what's going to happen with Alice and Jasper."

"What's the latest?"

I sighed heavily. "Alice hasn't spoken to me in almost two days, other than replying to a couple of texts with as few words as humanly possible. I have no idea what's going on in her head." I paused to take a drink, draining nearly half of my glass.

"What are you going to do?"

"Vic... I want to be with them. So much. I didn't mean to, but I fell in love. But as much as I want them, this roller coaster is making me crazy. I don't know how much more I can take."

"You should tell them that."

Nodding my agreement, I made a slight correction. "Yeah, I know. But it's really Alice who needs to know that. Jasper hates this as much as I do." I stopped speaking and put my hands over my face, trying to center myself, and took a deep breath. "And I'd be happy to tell her what I think about all of this, if she'd just talk to me. I fucking hate this limbo crap!" I exclaimed, stomping my foot on the floor for emphasis.

Victoria reached a hand over and rested it on my shoulder, rubbing slow circles. "I know, B. You deserve better than this."

I looked up at her very serious expression. Part of me wanted to agree with her, but I wasn't sure that I could. Whatever was going on with Alice, however crazy it was making me, in the end, it was my fault. Maybe it wasn't me that deserved better. Maybe it was Alice.

"I put her into this situation," I said, shaking my head. "I can give her the time she needs to figure it out." Vic looked like she was going to argue, but I distracted her. "What do you want to do tonight?"

I could tell that she had more to say, but Victoria was a good enough friend to know that I needed a break from this subject for awhile.

"I just want to chill after that drive. Want to just stay home and have some more of this Malibu and maybe a pizza?"

"That sounds fantastic," I agreed.

For the next hour or so, we sipped our drinks and nibbled on pizza while chatting animatedly about some of the stories that had recently caught our attention.

Conversations like the one we were having made me glad that I had joined twitter and made real friendships with other members of the writing circle. I didn't have many friends here in town – I really only talked to the people I worked with and the wives of Edward's coworkers – but none of them would ever understand my love of fanfiction. Yeah, I know... It's geeky as hell, right? But it was my guilty pleasure, and I was glad that I had friends to share it with.

Talk of writing, however, reminded me of Jasper and Alice. I wondered what they were doing tonight. I wondered if Alice was talking to Jasper even though she was basically ignoring me. I wondered if Jasper was annoyed by the fact that I'd been holding his chapter hostage for over a week – I'd been a little too distracted to get it edited.

"Where'd you go, B?" Victoria asked, pulling me out of my musings.

"I'm sorry, Vic," I apologized, feeling guilty for not paying attention to what she had been saying. "Just got distracted by my mind for a minute. I'm back now." I smiled at the end, hoping to reassure her.

"The Whitlocks?" she asked, reading my face as accurately as she always did.

I just nodded, and then heaved a big sigh. "I miss them."

She reached over and took my glass. "Why don't you send Jasper a text while I go refill our drinks? It'll make you feel better."

Victoria was an awesome friend. I was lucky to have someone around that understood me so well.

I thanked her, and then pulled my phone out of my pocket as she walked toward the kitchen.

_Hey J... how's everything going?_

He texted back pretty quickly.

_Alright... I'm at the grocery store, getting a couple of things for tomorrow. Nothing new on this end. Are you having fun with Victoria?_

_ Yeah, we've got Malibu and pizza. Just chatting. But I just can't stop thinking about you. _

_ You're on my mind too, baby. I hate this uncertainty as much as you do. I want us back._

_ Me too, Jasper. Me too. _

_ I'll talk to Ali tonight, after the kids sleep, try to feel her out. _

_ Thank you. I really miss her. _

_ I know you do, sweetie. I'll try my best. I gotta go, though...hard to push the cart and text. _

_ Ok, baby. Have a good night. I'll ttys. -kisses-_

_ You too, B. -kiss-_

I was tucking my phone back into my pocket when Victoria re-entered the living room. She noticed the smile on my face. "Feeling better now?"

I nodded. "Thanks, V. So I was thinking, how about some 80s music? It always cheers us up."

"Perfect!"

I pulled out my macbook, turning on my 80s playlist and then setting it down on the coffee table. A couple of songs later, it became obvious that the Malibu was getting to me when I grabbed the paper towel roll off of the table and started using it as a microphone to aide me in belting out the lyrics to Love Shack. Victoria got up and ran into the kitchen, returning a minute later with a wooden spoon and joining me in my performance. When the song ended, the two of us collapsed in giggles on the couch.

"Oh my god, B!" Victoria exclaimed through her tinkling laughter. "You will never believe who I saw at the mall yesterday!"

I turned my head and looked over at her with curiosity. "Tell me!" I demanded.

"Douchemonkey." She paused a moment, for effect. "It was the funniest thing ever. I can't believe I forgot to call you when I got home – my damn phone was dead when it happened."

"What did he do?" I asked, bringing my knees close to my chest as I leaned toward her excitedly.

"He was looking right at me – I know that fucker knew I was there – but didn't wave or acknowledge me in any way. I was pissed, because what the fuck is he doing shopping when he hasn't sent me an alimony check in four months?"

"Uh, yeah, no kidding," I agreed. Victoria was doing fine on her own – her job paid well and she was good at living within her means – but their divorce agreement had been clear. He owed her just for the way he'd screwed her over, in my opinion.

"So anyway, I walked over to him. I was like, 'Hey, James, how's it going?' as if it was a regular day. I thought he was going to pee his pants. He was looking all around him nervously, so I asked him if he was worried that Laurent would get upset to find his boyfriend talking to his ex-wife."

I started giggling, unable to help it. James had denied for months, despite being caught with Laurent's dick in his mouth, that he was gay. It had been a constant source of amusement for Victoria and I throughout the divorce; really, it had been one of the few things to make her laugh back in those days.

"He said that he and Laurent weren't together anymore. And then – Get this, Bella! I asked him why not, and he said that he'd cheated. Stupid douchemonkey! He never learns!"

With a snort of ironic laughter, I shook my head. "James is a total idiot. I knew that the minute he let you go."

Vic smiled sweetly at me and nudged my shoulder with her hand. "You're too good to me, B."

I shrugged. "Just the truth... So what happened next?"

It took Vic several minutes to answer me due to the hysterical fit of giggles she dissolved into. I just stared at her, my brow furrowed, waiting to see what on earth was so funny.

"Two police officers walked up to us," she explained, barely comprehensible through her laughter, "apologizing for interrupting our conversation, and told James that the security cameras in JC Penny clearly showed him stealing several pair of Levis, and they were going to take him in."

"You've got to be kidding me!" I exclaimed, falling over so that my forehead was pressed into my friend's shoulder as I laughed just as hard as she was.

As we laughed, I wondered how two smart, attractive girls like us – and hell, I should add my new friend Leah to that group, so make it three – ended up with such morons. Comparing Jasper to what I was used to in terms of men was almost unfair; there was no comparison, really. He outshone them, in every way, like the sun compared to a forty watt light bulb.

But was I going to be able to keep him in my life? To keep Alice? Was I worth staying with, or was she going to make the decision to end things for good, taking both my lovers away from me?

I shook off my worries, not wanting to ruin my night with Victoria, and, determined to distract myself, got up and started dancing, in authentic Michael Jackson style – ok, in my awkward white girl's attempt to replicate it – to Billie Jean while Vic watched, laughing at me the whole time, from the couch.

A couple of hours later, plenty drunk and very sleepy, Vic and I made our way down the hall to my bedroom and climbed into my bed. As we laid there in the dark, Victoria softly broke the silence.

"What are you going to do about Edward?" she asked. "I mean, I know things are up in the air with the Whitlocks, but does that change anything?"

"No," I replied. "I don't love him, Vic. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to end things with him. But I want to wait and do it in person - it doesn't seem right to end a ten year relationship via text or email."

She reached over and wrapped her hand around mine. "I'll be here for you every step of the way."

"I know, Vic," I said, smiling at her through the darkness. "That's just one of the reasons I love you."

It only took a few minutes before I fell asleep, my dreams filled with scenes of Jasper, Alice and I together and smiling. I woke up the next morning, wondering whether it was possible for dreams to come true.

After breakfast, Victoria mentioned that a movie sounded like fun. It sounded good to me as well, so we pulled out the newspaper and found that the newest Nicholas Sparks adaptation was playing in the cinema downtown, so we decided to go see it. If nothing else, it would be a good excuse to let out some more of my tears.

I was sipping root beer and munching on popcorn, watching as the hero of the movie came back from war to find that the love of his life had married someone else, when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the screen, gasping in surprise when I saw that the message was from Alice.

_Happy Easter! I know you're skipping it, but still..._

She hadn't spoken to me voluntarily in two days now and she was going to wish me a happy holiday – one that she knew I wasn't going to celebrate anyway – like there was nothing wrong? It was really hard to not find that irritating.

No matter how I felt, though, I wasn't willing to start a fight. My emotions were high these days, and we had enough problems without making more unnecessarily. So I walked the line, crossing the eggshells with as much care as I'd used all week.

_Thank you. Hope you're having a nice holiday._

I re-read my reply and realized that I sounded just as cold and impersonal as she had for the past two days. But it was so hard to know how to act; I felt like I was failing every time I tried.

_My throat is on fire. I can't talk AT ALL except in squeaks and when I cough I almost vomit. Other than that, it's ok._

Well, that was something; she really was sick. I had wondered if Jasper was just giving her an excuse so that I wouldn't get my feelings hurt even more.

_That sounds awful. Try honey._

_ We don't have any. Last night the Jack helped, but I'm out and J wouldn't get me any more._

I looked at my watch and raised a brow.

_You shouldn't have whiskey at 2:30 in the afternoon anyway. But I'm sorry your throat hurts._

_ Last night I was messed up because I mixed it with a sleeping pill. Still didn't get any sleep. But man was I fucked up._

I wanted to feel sympathetic about the fact that she couldn't sleep, but I found it difficult, since Jasper and I hadn't been sleeping either, thanks to her indecision and the emotional roller coaster she'd been putting us on. Sick or not, why should she sleep when we couldn't?

I was a little shocked by my own lack of compassion. It wasn't like me at all.

_That sucks. I was sober, but ate lots of chocolate._

_ Mmm, chocolate. I really haven't eaten, another contribution to my weird state last night. Sorry._

Sorry for what? For the one weird text that was the only communication I got from you all day? I sighed as I typed my response, once again tiptoeing around and avoiding the potential blow up that would come from telling her how I really felt.

_You don't have to apologize. I wasn't exposed much anyway._

_ Yeah, but I wasn't at my best. The past few days haven't been easy on me. It's hard to see your husband prefer someone else's company. But I'm almost through dealing with it. Please, just have patience. I need to deal with my feelings alone. It's a quirk of mine._

I stared at the screen. Suddenly, my compassion outweighed my irritation. When it all came down to it, I cared much more about her than I did about being annoyed. With how much I was willing to sacrifice my own needs for her, I was starting to wonder if I cared more about her that I cared about myself.

The truth was, this was not going to work. I had believed her when she said that it was an issue of time management that prompted the break up. I had convinced myself – and Jasper – that if we just fixed that little problem, everything would be ok.

But now I understood. Time management was not the problem at all. I was.

With a heavy sigh, I began to type my response. I was taking control. I wasn't going to be the problem anymore. Alice's pain hurt me, and I wasn't going to be the cause of any more of it.

_Ali, he doesn't prefer me over you. And if that is the case, or if that is the way we make you feel, I'm leaving. I will not hurt you. It's not in me to do that._

_ Give me some time. You know things like this can be sticky sometimes. I've never had to share him like this, and it's a new feeling. But it's gotten easier, so give me time. Please._

I didn't get it. I read the words over and over, but it did nothing in terms of helping them to make sense. Was she begging me to hurt her more? I couldn't do it. I tried again to explain.

_I can't imagine how it feels. You are incredible for being willing to try. But Ali, I don't want you to get comfortable with it, because that means you aren't now. That means I'm making you unhappy, and that breaks me. I want to make you happy, Ali, and if I'm not doing that, then I'm not willing to be involved._

_ It's not getting comfortable. It's different. At first it was deciding what I wanted. Now it's trying to find a way to let go of certain things. I still don't think I'm putting it right. This is why I don't talk._

I wanted to throw my phone across the theater. Neither one of us seemed to be getting our messages across, I guess. I resigned myself to the reality that this conversation was going nowhere fast.

_I want you to talk to me though! I need to know what's in your head, because trying to guess is making me crazy. A, all I want is for you to be happy. I will do whatever you need me to. _

_ Then you aren't going to like this any more than J, but I need time and space. Other than that, I need for everyone to act normal. Makes me feel like less of a burden and clears my mind to deal with things faster. I know, it drives J nuts too, but it's better this way._

I shook my head when my facepalm made Victoria look at me with a raised brow. But seriously, how in the hell did Alice think that Jasper and I could leave her alone and act normal at the same time? If she believed that such a thing was possible, then she must have found some Jack Daniels after all. Because there was no way something so ridiculous would make sense if she were sober.

In the end, though, what was I going to say? I could talk till I was blue in the face, she was not changing her mind. I'd been trying to give her space and deal with her weird mood swings all week, and all it had accomplished so far was making me dizzy.

And still, she was asking for more time. More space.

Less me.

_-sighs- I know that. And I am trying. I just need you to be honest with me. If you don't want this... me... us... You need to tell me._

Part of me wanted her next text to do just that. To end this once and for all. Because I was really starting to believe that the limbo was never going to end otherwise.

_I know, and believe me when I say that I would. I appreciate you complying with my request. I'm not normally so moody, but when I am, it's best to just ride it out._

She appreciated it? She acted like I had any choice in the matter.

_I'm trying, Ali. _

I could hear the sigh as if it were typed right into the words.

_Don't beat yourself up over it, babe. It's just a quirk of mine. J's been pushing harder than normal, which has dragged out the process a bit. I'll understand if you want to back out, but I don't want you to. _

Part of me was starting to question whether this "process" was really a load of crap. It sounded like a bunch of psychobabble to me. But she felt like she needed it, and so if I wanted to keep her, I had to deal with this.

_I don't want to. I don't want to lose you. I'll give you the space you want, but please don't think for a minute that I don't think of you constantly._

_ I never thought it for a minute, Bella. That's part of the reason for the space, if that makes any sense. I hope you don't think less of me for it._

No, Alice, it doesn't make any sense. But I was figuring out that that's just how we rolled now.

_Of course I don't, Ali. I can deal with quirks. I told you, I'll give you what you need._

_ And how many ways an I take that last statement? -grins-_

I wanted to scowl at her. I really did. I wanted to be angry that she had just pulled the lever that set the train rolling back out onto the roller coaster once again. But instead, I found myself picturing a naked Alice lying on her back underneath me, her breasts pressed into my chest as my fingertips teased her.

Sometimes, I hated myself.

_Babe, every way you can think of._

_ I wish I could go there right now, but I gotta go eat._

I let my head fall back against my seat and I groaned out loud. I should have known. Honestly, I was glad the conversation was over. It was giving me a headache.

_Go ahead. Text me anytime you want to talk. I'm gonna follow your lead._

I stared up at the screen, no longer interested in the movie, thinking that I must be some sort of a masochist.

**A/N: I'd love to hear what you thought of this one. **

**Until next time... You know.**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**My love and gratitude to JaspersBella for her assistance and inspiration with this chapter, and to Karmabalance for being my awesome prereader. **

_I stared up at the screen, no longer interested in the movie, thinking that I must be some sort of a masochist. _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 26**

Later that evening, after Victoria left, I was busy folding laundry when I received a text from Jasper.

_Hey sweetie... How was your day?_

I thought about it for a minute before I answered. I was still feeling rather perplexed about the conversation I'd had with Alice during the movies, and nervousness had been gnawing at my stomach ever since. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't do anything to change our situation. I wanted to be with Jasper and Alice too much to just walk away on my own, but I would do exactly that if she asked me to, no matter how much it hurt. So basically, I was like Bambi, standing in the middle of a wide open field in the middle of hunting season; just waiting.

But it was Easter, and Jasper had probably had a great day with his kids. I didn't want to ruin that for him.

_I had fun with Vic. Renee stopped by right before she left . I think she was hoping to catch me and Vic in some sort of compromising position or something. -shakes my head-_

_ What is with your mother? LOL_

_ I only wish I had an answer to THAT question. So how was your day? Have fun with P & C?_

_ Yeah, it was a pretty good day for them. Tried to act like everything was normal. We did the egg hunt thing and gave them their baskets. But there's freakin Easter grass all over my house now. _

_ -laughs- Yet another reason I don't celebrate this holiday. _

_ LOL, next year, no grass. Anyway, what else is going on?_

_ Nothing really. Folding laundry and talking to you. I'll probably go to bed soon. V and I were up late last night._

_ Sounds good. Looked from the tweets like you had a good time._

I laughed. Victoria and I had been wiping away tears that morning because we were laughing so hard when we looked at our Twitter pages after we woke up. As I've mentioned, drunken Bella has a very hard time typing, and last night was no different.

_Yeah, we had a lot of fun. Danced and sang to the 80's. _

_ -shakes head- you and your 80's music. _

_ Don't you laugh at me! 80's music rocks. It amazes me that your taste in music is awesome when it comes to playing your guitar and just so awful the rest of the time. -winks-_

_ I'm gonna get you for that._

_ You better._

I loved these moments; the ones where I was able to forget that we might be breaking up for good at any second and could just be happy. Happiness came easy to me when Jasper was around, I'd noticed.

_Ok sweetie. I gotta get to bed. Early morning and all. Ttyt?_

_ Sounds good. Sleep well, Jasper._

_ Sweet dreams, Bella._

The next morning I went into the office with a smile on my face. My conversation with Jasper before bed had, in fact, led to sweet dreams, including one of me laying on a blanket on the beach, with Alice and Jasper on either side of me, holding my hands. I couldn't remember what we were saying, only that we were all smiling and laughing. It was such a perfect image; I had prophetic dreams sometimes – I really hoped that this was one of them.

I was halfway through an edit on the follow-up article Mike had written about the upcoming City Council vote when my phone rang. Looking down on the screen, I saw that it was Esme calling. I took a deep breath, silently telling myself to be calm and sound normal, and answered the phone.

"Hello Esme," I greeted.

"Bella, dear, how are you?" my mother-in-law asked kindly.

There were so many ways to answer that question that would have been honest, but most of them not appropriate, considering who I was talking to. I settled on one that was both.

"I'm alright. It was a crazy week here, I'm hoping this one goes more smoothly. How are you?"

"I'm well. I've just finished a painting that I thought would look very nice in your living room. It's of hydrangeas."

I smiled. Esme was truly one of the kindest people I'd ever known. Hydrangeas were my favorite flower. Carrying two large blue and purple hydrangeas as my bouquet had been the only detail of my wedding with Edward that I'd chosen by myself. And while I didn't know what to do with the fact that the painting would probably be made up of thousands of brushstrokes filled with memories, I really did appreciate her efforts.

"That's so sweet of you, Esme. I can't wait to see it."

"Why don't I fly down this weekend? I could bring it to you."

I paused to think about that as I clicked open my calendar app on my macbook. I was supposed to go see Jasper and Alice this weekend. But that was before the skype call that began the disaster that was currently my relationship. And now, considering the fact that we weren't really broken up, but we also we're really together, I didn't know whether I was making the drive or not.

I didn't want to take the option off the table, though, I knew that much.

"I have tentative plans for this weekend that I'm waiting on my friends to confirm. Next weekend, however, I'm free. But if you want to hold off on buying the ticket, I can let you know as soon as I hear from them?"

I figured that it was a good compromise. I _did_ want to see Esme. I wasn't sure when Edward would return to the States again, but I did know that, when he did, I was going to tell him it was over. I knew that the chances of me losing Esme for good when I did that were high, and I wanted to see her one last time. Plus, if I wasn't going to be with Alice and Jasper this weekend, Esme's hugs would be a really nice thing to have nearby.

"You just let me know, then, dear. I'll come when it's most convenient for you. Is there anything else you need that I can bring down for you?"

"Oh no, Esme," I replied. "I don't need anything else. But thank you. I've got to finish up this article now, though, so I've got to let you go. I'll call you in a couple of days, alright?"

"Yes dear. You have a nice day at work."

I said good bye and ended the call, setting the phone down beside me. As I finished my work on Mike's article, I thought about my relationship with Edward's mother through the years that we'd known each other.

Despite the horrible way that she found out about me, she'd never blamed me for the secrets that were kept from her. In fact, she'd been so determined to welcome me into her family that she'd insisted on Edward and I having a wedding, which she planned and paid for, to celebrate.

When Edward left for Kenya the first time, I sort of fell apart. I cried a lot, and only left the house for work. The wives of Edward's colleagues from the hospital, who had been my "friends" for the preceding two years, were forgotten. After three weeks of me not returning phone calls, Esme appeared at my front door. She'd stayed with me for a month, making sure that I ate and lived. She took me somewhere every day, whether it was the bookstore, the shoe store or the movies. She even went to a bar with me twice. She was great company, and having her there, reminding me that I was loved, had helped me through that very hard time in my life.

Losing her was going to be so hard; harder than losing Edward, even.

I had to, though. I couldn't stay with Edward just to keep his mother. I knew what love felt like, now, thanks to Jasper and Alice. I knew what it felt like to be happy, and that's what I wanted in my life. Edward wasn't a bad person, but he just couldn't give it to me. I knew that now.

Somehow, I got through the rest of my edits without completely zoning out, and, before I knew it, it was time for lunch. I gathered my purse and my phone and left the building, walking to the restaurant next door to pick up the chicken Caesar salad that I'd ordered for lunch. I sat down at one of the restaurant's outside patio tables to eat, and then sent a text to Jasper.

_How's your morning going, babe?_

_ It's ok. It's still pretty busy here with the spring break traffic, and I had this one arab guy come through who was tipping me like crazy. So good day for money, at least._

Reading between the lines, I could tell that money was the only thing in his day that was going very well.

_You wanna tell me what's really on your mind? _

_ I'm just stressed. Not sleeping well still. Ali either ignores me or yells at me. She won't talk to you, but she won't end things either. I know it's upsetting you. I'm just... frustrated. And tired. _

I sighed, wishing that I could wrap my arms around him and make everything ok. But I was too far away to reach him, and, really, I didn't have the power to fix anything.

_I know. =( I wish I could make it better._

_ I know you do. And I wish I could do the same for you. I just want to hold you._

I smiled. It wasn't the first time that Jasper had taken the thoughts right out of my head. I liked that we were on the same wavelength so often. I just wished it was a happier wave right now.

_That would be really nice. Maybe it will happen soon... _

_ I hope so, baby. _

I wanted to ask him about the weekend, but I knew that it was too early to do so. The matter of our relationship had most definitely not been settled yet, and it would hardly make sense to drive to Vegas if we weren't together. Yes, I wanted to stay friends with them if Alice decided that she no longer wanted to be more than that, but I would need time – I knew myself well enough to know that I couldn't be in the room with them and not want to touch them, kiss them... It would be absolute torture to be near them any time soon if Alice said no.

_I'll keep my fingers crossed. So how is Ali feeling?_

_ She's still sick... her voice is really squeaky. But she said she's going to work tonight._

I wished I could go to her, take care of her. I wanted to hold her head in my lap and stroke her hair, just like she'd wanted to do for me when I was sick. I wanted to show her how much I cared, let her feel my love.

Instead, I had to give her space.

_Sneak in an extra hug when you see her. You don't have to tell her it's from me. I'll just be happy that she got it. _

_ I will, baby, I promise._

_ -smiles- Thank you. I need to get back to the office now. Hope your afternoon has lots of good tips too. _

_ Have a good day at work, Bella. And remember..._

I smiled, my heart growing to accommodate the happiness that I felt from just one word.

_I will. You remember too. TTYL baby._

I was back in my office, scanning the AP newswires for information on a story I was working on for the next morning's paper when the chime indicating that I had a new email sounded on my macbook. I finished the story I was reading, and then clicked the mail icon, opening the inbox and finding an email that made my eyes widen in surprise.

Maria?

I hadn't heard from her in over a year, but Maria had always had an almost freakish way of appearing out of the blue at just the right time.

I kept staring at her name on my screen without even opening her message as I felt myself mentally going back in time. Maria had been a complete shock to me, in every way, from the second I met her. The memory was still as clear as if it were a movie I was watching on my television screen at this moment.

It was my twenty-first birthday, and my roommate and I had gone to a bar in downtown Phoenix to celebrate. The bar was an L shape, and Maria was sitting diagonal from me near the corner.

I had never been attracted to a woman before, but when I laid eyes on her, I felt it hit me like a baseball bat to the chest. She was beautiful; looking at her, it was hard to breathe.

I couldn't stop myself from staring as I sipped my margarita. Her long black-brown hair hung past her shoulders with a gentle wave at the ends, and she had deep, dark eyes that pierced everything she looked at. But it was her lips that I couldn't take my eyes off of. They were painted a deep burgundy, and spread in a wide smile when she caught me staring at her.

My breath caught in my throat when our eyes met. I had enough of a buzz to give me the courage to speak to her, and I was silently thanking Jose Cuervo, the bartender, my roommate and hell, my mother, for having given birth to me twenty-one years ago so that I could drink that night – everyone who had a hand in getting me to that very moment.

"There's no lipstick on your glass," I pointed out. "How do you do that?"

Sure, it was an odd conversation starter, but I couldn't help it. Her lips were all I could think about.

"My lipstick comes off on nothing," she said, her lips curling into a smirk as the sexiest spanish accent I'd ever heard rolled off her tongue.

I bit down on my lip to keep from moaning out loud. I wanted to move closer to her. Closer as in pressed right against her body. The thoughts shocked and confused me, but I was more interested in seeing where they led me than I was in where they had come from.

"Nothing?" I breathed. I swallowed hard as I stared at her lips, wondering if the lipstick would rub off onto my lips if I kissed her.

She reached across the bar and grabbed my wrist with her hand, pulling it toward her. I didn't resist. When it was inches from her mouth, palm up, she locked her eyes with mine once again. "Nothing," she repeated, her voice sultry. And then her open lips came down to meet my skin.

I whimpered softly as her tongue and teeth pressed against my sensitive flesh as her lips swept across my wrist to meet in the middle. By the time she pulled away, I was panting.

She smirked at me, then nodded down to my wrist where, just as she'd predicted, there was no evidence of her burgundy lipstick at all.

"My name is Maria," she said, raising a brow at me.

"Bella," I replied, pulling my wrist back slowly. I was still staring at her, mesmerized by everything about her.

"It's very nice to meet you, Beautiful," she said as she rose from her seat and walked over to me, her hips swaying with each step. Her curves were so womanly, so enticing. She was sex on legs, and I wanted her. Badly.

I went home with Maria that night. It was my first sexual experience in general, and my first encounter with a woman, but I knew that it was amazing. She touched me, tasted me, teased me, and spoke spanish to me in a low whisper all night, and in the morning, as I laid exhausted in her arms, I reached up and touched her face, grazing my thumb over the soft skin near her mouth.

"That really is amazing lipstick."

Maria, I learned over breakfast, was a few years older than me, and married to an older man named Felix, who was the regional manager for the DoubleTree Hotel chain in the southwestern US and northern Mexico, and, at the time, away on business. Obviously, we had to hide our relationship, but the chemistry between Maria and me was too much to ignore. Over the course of our relationship, I met Felix several times – Maria introduced me as a friend, and he suspected nothing. And so, for a year, we snuck kisses, sent each other sexy emails and photos, and, when Felix was away on business, we stayed together and explored each other's bodies endlessly.

Our affair was forced to end when Maria and Felix moved to Las Cruces, New Mexico. I met Edward less than a year later, and I hadn't seen Maria since, though we'd emailed here and there.

After I married Edward, Maria and I agreed to just be friends. She was there when I needed someone to talk to, or to offer advice, even to scold me when she thought I was making the wrong decisions. Keeping her in my life at times had been hard on me, though, because Maria was such a temptation. She had always been a very sexual woman; it was ever-present in her communication with me, whether she meant it to be or not, and I couldn't deny the fact that I was affected every time I heard from her, even though I didn't want to be. I never cheated on Edward with her, but she'd fueled nearly every fantasy, and every orgasm, I had during my marriage.

The last email between the two of us had been a very angry one, sent by me over a year ago, after she'd told me exactly what she thought of Edward and my marriage to the "pendejo." I hadn't been ready to hear it, and thus took it very badly. I'd regretted every word the minute I clicked send, but, of course, it was already too late.

Blinking my eyes as the memory of my former lover faded away, I focused once again on her name, still glaring at me, untouched, from my inbox. I was almost afraid to open it. I knew, without a doubt, that what I felt for Alice and Jasper was different from and stronger than what I'd had with Edward, but could Maria still affect me in spite of that?

There was only one way to find out.

With my hand slightly shaking in my nervousness, I double-clicked the message and opened it.

_Hola Bella,_

_ It's been a long time, no? After our last emails, I thought it best to leave you alone for awhile. I know you were angry with me, and I am sorry that I upset you, though I stand by my words, cielito. I won't say any more, though. I have been watching from the sidelines all along. You are doing well with your writing, both for the newspaper and your more...creative endeavors. Yes, Beautiful, I found your stories. I have been enjoying them immensely. I thought that I would join you on Twitter, but didn't want to do so without making sure you wanted to speak to me first. _

_ I miss you, Bella. I miss everything about you. I wonder sometimes, especially when I am alone at night, if you think of me still. Maybe you believed that I had forgotten you, but I forget nothing, Beautiful. _

_ Please, write me and tell me of your life. _

_ Your Maria_

I don't know why it would surprise me that Maria's letter left me without words. It was a talent of hers, rendering mespeechless. I had no idea how she'd found my writing, but I felt immensely proud that she was enjoying it. Just as I had for years, I raised Maria's opinion to a level higher than ordinary people. I wanted her approval; I always had.

I found myself reading the letter two more times after the first, searching for every hint of meaning in it. Her use of the word "nothing" took me right back to that night at the bar, but even more than that, it was the presence of the pet names she'd always used for me that sent shivers down my spine and raised goose bumps over my arms.

I learned, in that moment, that it _was, _in fact, possible to be affected by someone even while in love with another. Even if you're in love with two others. I also learned, though, that I could be affected physically, but I didn't have to act on it or let it get to me. Maria was memories; she was my past. I loved Jasper and Alice too much to let her be anything but my friend now.

I clicked reply and stared at the screen for several minutes before typing a reply.

_Maria,_

_ It's good to hear from you. I thought you were angry with me too. I was terrible to you in my last email, I hope you can forgive me. I wasn't ready to hear it yet, but I've realized since how right you were a year ago. I'm still married to him, but when Edward comes home next time, I'm going to take the first step to changing that. I'm ready for better things. I'm lucky that I had a friend who was brave enough to tell me that._

_ You should definitely come on to Twitter – I'm ToBeACullen there, make sure you send me a request. I've missed having you in my life, and my tweetdeck is always open, so we can talk often. _

_ Not much else is going on here. I submitted an article to a couple of magazines recently, I'm just waiting to hear back from them. I really think I'll be ready to make a career move soon...broaden my horizons a little, you know?_

_ I have to get some work done, but I hope I'll hear from you soon. _

_ Love you, M. _

_ Bella_

_PS: I DID think of you. Many, many times._

I had decided, as I typed, not to tell her about Jasper and Alice just yet. I wasn't entirely sure if we were staying together, after all, and I didn't want to tell her until I was sure.

I had a hard time focusing on my work the rest of the afternoon. I couldn't help but wonder at the timing of Maria's email. So many times in the past she'd shown up right when I needed her the most. It made me worry that, despite Jasper's and my optimism, things weren't going to work out for us. I loved Maria, and I was thrilled that she was going to be in my life again, but I really didn't want to _need_ her right now.

Later that evening, after I'd finished cleaning up the few dishes I'd used for dinner, I picked up my Washburn from it's place in the corner of the living room and began practicing my chords. After about five minutes, though, I got bored with chords. I knew them well enough now that I could switch between any two without a problem the vast majority of the time, so it no longer posed much of a challenge. I wanted to move on. I wanted to learn a song.

But what in the hell was I going to learn?

I set the guitar down and pulled my macbook closer to me. After a bit of searching on youtube, I found a song that had a guitar part that sounded like something I could learn. It was Third Eye Blind's Jumper. When I found the chords and lyrics on another site, I began to work on it. It was simple, but I was pretty proud of myself an hour later when I could play the song and even sing along with it. I was sure that I was playing a very simplified version, and I probably wasn't strumming exactly right, but it was close enough to make me happy.

I continued to play it over and over, not caring about the throbbing in my fingers, wanting to get to the point that I no longer had to think about what I was doing while I was playing. I didn't stop until I got a text alert from Jasper.

_Whatcha doing baby?_

_ I was just practicing on my guitar. =) How about you?_

_ Just got the kids in bed a little bit ago. Was thinking about playing a little music myself._

_ Can I listen?_

_ I'll skype in 5._

Smiling, I put my phone down on the couch and straightened up the area a little bit, putting the Washburn back in it's place before carrying my macbook to my bedroom and sitting down on the bed. I was ready and waiting when his call came through.

His face filled my screen and I smiled. My smile grew even wider when he tilted the screen and sat back again, revealing the fact that he already had his guitar in hand.

"Hey you," he said.

"Hey babe," I replied.

"I'm not in a very conversational mood tonight. I'm sorry," he said sadly, looking apologetic.

I smiled. "Jas, it's ok. I asked to listen to you play, not to talk, remember? It's been a long day for me too. I'd really like to just relax with some music."

He looked relieved, and I completely understood. I could see in the darkness that surrounded his eyes that the stress of this past week had been weighing heavily on him. To reiterate my point, I leaned back into the pillows, making myself comfortable.

Understanding, he began to play. I listened as he strummed the opening chords of the Amos Lee cover, closing my eyes to just let myself disappear with him into the song. Softly, I sang along, but not loud enough for him to hear. I smiled as he pushed the vocals on the chorus and held the longer notes. I loved the way his voice sounded like he had just woken up – that raspy, gritty quality that he had was one of the sexiest things I'd ever heard. I knew that, if I were sitting in the same room with him right then, I'd have had a really hard time keeping my hands and lips to myself.

The last chords of Amos Lee faded directly into the opening of the song that Jasper had sung for me just a few days before. The one that he wrote about us. I kept my eyes closed as he sang it, not wanting him to see the silent tears that fell as each word reached my heart. It was still only the verses – he said he was having trouble working out the chorus – but it sounded perfect to me.

A little bit later, while Jasper was playing one of his instrumental songs, I received a text from Alice.

_You up?_

Looking at the clock, I was surprised that she had even asked. It wasn't quite eleven o'clock, and she knew me well enough to know that I never went to bed before midnight.

_I am._

_ Whatcha doing? I'm bored._

I looked at my computer screen, where Jasper sat, so completely caught up in the song he was playing that he hadn't even realized that I was texting with Alice.

_Listening to music. You?_

_ Nothing. What's playing?_

I paused, trying to remember the name of the song that Jasper was playing. It was harder to keep the all-instrumental song names straight than it was the ones with lyrics.

_ The Bug Song. =) You on break, or is it just a slow night?_

_ No, just sitting around waiting on stuff._

_ Sounds like fun. At least you have a night owl like me to keep you company, right?_

_ That's right. Tell me a story please. _

A story? What? I stared at the phone for a minute, my brow furrowed in confusion.

_What kind of story?_

_ ? You choose._

This was one of Alice's weirder requests, and, on a week like this one, I felt like that was saying a lot. I thought for a few minutes, trying to figure out what in the hell to type to her. I got an idea just as Jasper began to play his Nirvana cover.

_Once upon a time there was a beautiful woman. She lived in a nice house on a nice street with her wonderful husband. They were happy and life was good. Then one day, a salesman knocked on their door. She couldn't imagine what she could possibly want from this man, but he insisted that he had a little of everything in his van, and was sure that he had exactly the right thing for her. She agreed to see what he had to offer. After a few minutes, he pulled out a pair of sunglasses. _

I sent that much and was working on the next section of the story in another text when I was interrupted by a text from Alice.

_Have to go. Sorry. Have a good night._

Shrugging, I deleted what I had already typed of the story, perplexed by Alice's odd behavior, and sent her a quick goodbye. Sighing and setting the phone back down beside me, I turned my full attention back to Jasper, who was now playing another of his instrumental songs. I tried to forget the weirdness and just focus on that fact that she'd at least contacted me, not wanting to ruin what would otherwise be a good night by being pessimistic.

Two seconds of peace ended abruptly, however, when Alice's furious face filled my screen.

"You bitch! Don't you ever fucking lie to me again!" she screamed.

And then my screen went blank.

**A/N: I'm excited to hear what you thought of this chapter. I have a special gift to offer anyone who leaves a review for this chapter – I liked writing Bella and Maria's first meeting so much that I wrote an outtake of their first night together. I'll send it in the review replies. **

**Until next time... You know.**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: The storyline is mine, but the characters belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to karmabalance and JaspersBella, my amazing pre-readers and friends.**

_ Two seconds of peace ended abruptly, however, when Alice's furious face filled my screen. _

_ "You bitch! Don't you ever fucking lie to me again!" she screamed._

_ And then my screen went blank. _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 27**

I stared at the screen for a minute, bewildered, trying to figure out what on earth had just happened. It must have been a mistake, right? Skype had failed on us. Right?

Convinced that it had been unintentional, I opened my contact list to call Jasper back, but saw that he was no longer signed in. I picked up my iphone and dialed Alice's number. I waited as it rang, but after only two rings, I was sent to voice mail.

There was no question now; Alice had hung up on me.

Fury welled up quickly. There was nothing that pissed me off more than being hung up on. Edward did that to me all the time, and with him being half a world away from me, if he wouldn't answer my call, he had effectively shut me up. It was bad enough that my thoughts and opinions didn't matter to him, but to not even let me voice them...

And now Alice was doing the same thing to me.

Suddenly, I wasn't shocked anymore. I wasn't sad, I wasn't scared. I was just angry, pure and simple. And I was done walking on eggshells for Alice. I was going to pick up the eggs and throw them at the god damn wall.

_Do I get to know what the fuck that was about?_

I was furious, pacing around my bedroom with the phone in my hand as I waited for her reply. Thoughts swirled in my head nonstop. Most of those thoughts involved some variation of "how dare she?".

S_orry. I don't want any more drama._

Well fuck you, Alice, I thought. You're not the only one who gets a say here.

I dialed her number again. Again, straight to voice mail.

_Answer the fucking phone Ali. This is bull shit._

I swear, if I had looked in the mirror at that moment, there would have been steam coming from my ears like some sort of cartoon character. My hands were balled up into tight fists at my side, and I had to set my phone down on my bed for fear that I'd break it.

I continued to pace back and forth across my bedroom floor, grumbling and cussing out Alice under my breath. I didn't know what her problem was, but I hadn't lied about a damn thing, so she could really kiss my ass.

I picked up the phone and dialed again, calling Jasper's number this time. He answered on the third ring, sounding exasperated.

"Bella?"

"Jasper? What the hell?"

"I can't really talk right now," he started.

It wasn't fair to yell at him, and I knew that. It didn't stop me from doing so, though.

"No. Fuck no. This fight includes me, god damn it! Put me on speaker and we can all just do this together. Either that or log back into skype. But Alice is not going to cuss me out and fucking hang up on me without even letting me speak and have that be the end of the conversation! That's bull shit, Jasper!"

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said, his soft voice calming and soothing me. "I'll call you back as soon as I get her calmed down, ok?"

I probably should have accepted that. I knew Jasper well enough to know that his suggestion was what he thought would most benefit all of us. I knew that. But I was furious and didn't care.

"No, Jasper, it's not ok. If you calm her down and then call me, I'm still going to be pissed. Alice got to yell and scream and cuss me out, I'm not going to be pacified just because _she_ calmed down. I want to talk to her _now._"

Jasper sighed heavily. I felt guilty for speaking to him so angrily. I wasn't actually mad at him at all – I had no reason to be; his only fault was being the person on the other end of the line right now.

I sighed, trying to calm myself a little bit, then spoke again, this time much more politely. "Jas, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be taking this out on you. But this isn't fair, baby. Please, just put me on speaker and let us sort this out."

Jasper finally agreed, and, despite his reservations, put his phone on speaker, bringing all three of us into the conversation. Not wanting to give Alice the first word, I started speaking as soon as I heard her say hello.

"Listen to me, Alice. Don't ever, _ever_, fucking hang up on me again. There's nothing that pisses me off so much as that. I don't hang up on you – I respect you enough to listen to what you have to say, and I expect the same treatment from you. If you're not going to give me that, I'm fucking out of here." I paused, breathing in short, angry breaths as I tried to calm myself down a little bit. "Now, you want to tell me what in the hell your problem is?"

"You lied to me. You said you were listening to The Bug Song," she squeaked, her voice still not healed from her illness.

"I was!" I countered.

"No you weren't – I was sitting right outside the window the whole fucking time. Jasper was playing for you, and it sure as hell wasn't The Bug Song."

"What?" Jasper exclaimed, sounding outraged.

"Yes it was!" I retorted, my anger had now reached epic levels. She had been spying on us? Standing outside the window while texting me, telling me she was at work? Who was the liar now? "I've been on skype with Jasper for thirty minutes or so before you're little drama queen stunt here. We spoke about ten words total the whole time. I've just been listening to him play. And when you asked me, he was playing The Bug Song."

"No he wasn't."

"Jasper?" I asked, wanting him to settle the dispute. "Did you play The Bug Song about ten minutes ago?"

"Yes," he replied nervously, as if he wanted to do anything but answer the question. I couldn't blame him. The fight here was clearly between Alice and I, and he was stuck holding the phone. I didn't doubt that he and Alice would be having their own argument later, but he was definitely better off staying out of this one.

I smirked in Alice's general direction, even though – or maybe because - we were only on the phone and she couldn't see me giving her my own little "I told you so" without saying the words. If she had been outside spying as she claimed, then I'd just proven that I knew his music better than she did. If she hadn't been, I'd just proven that she was a liar. Either way, I won.

"Thank you," I said smugly. "Now, do you want to explain to us why you were fucking spying in the first place? What happened to trust, Alice? You don't think your little lies about where you were and what you were doing count?"

I waited for several seconds of excruciating silence for her explanation.

She didn't have one. Instead, she offered an apology. "I'm sorry. Don't be mad please."

I ran a hand through my hair, frowning as I considered her request. It was all I had really wanted from her at first – an apology. But now that I had it, it didn't feel like enough.

I wanted an explanation.

Another minute of silence, however, told me that I was never going to get one.

I sighed heavily, and contemplated whether it was worth continuing the fight. The truth was, I was tired. So fucking tired, both physically and emotionally. I was tired of drama and fighting and worrying and wondering. I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was.

Sighing again, I chose to just end it.

"I have not – and will not – give you a reason to mistrust me. Don't pull shit like this on me again, Alice. And don't hang up on me. You can't possibly understand how much I hate that." I paused, letting that sink in before I continued. "I'm done fighting for the night."

Oddly, I had won the argument, but still felt defeated.

"I'm going to go lay down," Alice said softly. "Why don't you and Jasper talk for a bit?"

"No," I disagreed. Jasper had been silent for awhile, and I was sure he wanted his chance with Alice. "You and Jasper go do whatever you want. I'm just going to go to bed."

"Please," Alice requested. "If you don't, I'm just going to feel bad for ruining your night."

I wanted to be petty and tell her that she already _had_ ruined my night and _should _feel bad about it, but I bit my tongue. It wouldn't do me any good to say _that_.

"Fine, Alice," I acquiesced, sighing.

"Good night, Bella," she replied.

"Good night."

I waited for a minute while Jasper to said a muffled good night to her, and then he returned to the line. "I'm sorry, B."

"Don't be," I replied. "There's nothing for you to be sorry about." It was the truth, but I was still irritated and having a hard time hiding it. "Yoga twice in one night is probably a good thing, right?"

His silence was deafening. I knew that the night's drama had thrown him off just as much as it had me, and so, rather than dwell on it or ask him the questions that I really wanted answered, I decided to change the subject and give him a break.

"So did you watch Wipeout tonight? That one girl's double flip off of the big balls..." I couldn't even finish the sentence as my giggles overtook my words.

It proved to be exactly the right subject as Jasper and I discussed some of the best falls of the episode and laughed away our anxiety. By the time we ended the call, we both felt fairly relaxed again.

"So I'll talk to you at lunch tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that sounds good babe," I replied. "Sleep well, Jasper."

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

I woke up the next morning wondering what the day would bring. The fight with Alice the night before had, in some ways, made me feel better. My angry ranting had allowed me to unload a lot of pent up anxiety, and that, if nothing else, was a huge relief. What said ranting had done for my relationship with Alice, however, remained to be seen.

I knew it was going to be a busy day for me at work due to the city council vote at one o'clock. Mike and I would be downtown most of the morning and afternoon to cover the vote and citizen reaction to it, so I made sure to dress for a long day on my feet and packed a simple lunch before I drove into town to meet him.

The morning was very exciting as we observed a heated debate in the council chambers over the proposed park project. The council members had already gathered all the necessary information, and now it was just a matter of the opposing sides trying to convince each other to see it their way. Even though a lot of people would probably have found it boring and inconsequential, I was riveted, sitting right on the edge of my seat throughout the debate, much as I had been during the China talks in San Francisco.

Politics, I was beginning to realize, was really an area of high interest for me. I had disregarded it in general for so long because talking about politics with Edward had always given me such a headache. He was a staunch republican; he had grown up with a silver spoon in his mouth and a five hundred thread count pillowcase under his head, and it seemed that he was incapable of seeing anyone's point of view other than his own. There had never been a give and take in our conversation like the one I was watching now with interest, just Edward laying his opinion on the table as fact and refusing to listen to anything anyone else had to say.

I found it almost humorous that the question of whether or not there should be a new park in downtown Paradise Valley would make me reconsider my career aspirations, but I guessed that it was usually something small, something that someone else might overlook, that could completely change a person's life.

A little bit before noon, the council was finished debating and decided to recess for lunch before the vote. Since it was too early to chat with Jasper, and I was still letting Alice lead the way when it came to communication between us, I decided to check on Twitter and see if anything was going on. I scrolled down over the past few minutes on my timeline and saw that Alice and Lauren were chatting.

I scowled at the screen of my phone. I really didn't like Lauren much anyway. She asked to follow me, and then ignored me any time I tried to talk to her. Every time I saw her tweet anything, it was rude, ridiculous, or attention-seeking. But, if I was perfectly honest, the thing I disliked most about her in that very moment was the fact that Alice was talking to her and not me.

And then, Lauren tweeted something that pushed me past the limit of my patience for the day.

_I'm going on an unfollow spree later today. Just letting you know. Gotta get rid of the dead weight on my timeline. _

I rolled my eyes as I read the words. It was so like Lauren to tweet something like that, as if anyone even cared who she did or did not follow. Lauren just wanted attention, and starting drama was her way of getting it.

On a normal day, I would have just ignored it, or at the very worst, complained about her to Victoria. But my nerves were shot and my patience worn thin by a week of emotional tug of war with Alice, and so I snapped.

I didn't use the or Lauren's name, instead just speaking to her indirectly through a tweet.

_Shut the hell up already. Nobody cares._

Not wanting to be irritated by Lauren or her conversation with my girlfriend anymore, I closed Twitter and went to my car to get my lunch.

I was almost done with my sandwich when I got a text from Jasper.

_Hey sweetie, how's your day going?_

_ It's pretty good. Mike and I are downtown covering the city council vote I told you about. They vote right after lunch. Been an exciting morning. How about you?_

_ Eh, it's alright. Been distracted with thoughts of you all morning._

_ Is that right? Whatcha thinking about?_

_ Thinking about how the weekend is almost here. Are you still coming?_

Whatever drugs Jasper was on, I wanted some. How could he possibly think that I was still planning to see them with how messed up everything was?

_I would love to, but do you really think Alice wants me there?_

_ Let me talk to her, ok?_

_ Maybe you shouldn't. I want to see you, baby, I swear I do, but clearly, Alice is not my biggest fan right now. _

_ I'll tread carefully, don't worry. Let me just feel her out, see where things stand._

_ Ok J. By the way, I'm really sorry about last night. I feel really bad about the way I talked to you. I took my anger out on you. Please forgive me?_

_ I already have, sweetie. I was never mad at you. _

I smiled. He was better than I deserved. I was just about to type my reply when Mike called for me from across the parking lot.

"Bella! Come on, the council is coming back into their chambers!"

I quickly gathered my things and texted Jasper as I walked across the lot to meet Mike.

_Thank you. Gotta go now – time for the vote. Have a good day. I'll TTYL. Remember..._

_ You too, baby. Remember._

I made sure Mike wasn't watching, then kissed Jasper's picture on my phone – I'd made the picture I'd taken of the three of us together at my house when they'd visited the background image on my phone – and then tucked it into my pocket.

The vote was 7 to 4 in favor of the new park, and I was thrilled. I had sided strongly with the side that supported the proposal, and was very happy to see that it passed. As decided over lunch, Mike went to interview two of the members who had voted against the proposal, and I interviewed two who had supported it. When we were finished with those interviews, I said good bye to my coworker and drove to the mall on the south side of town to get some citizen response while he went north.

As I was getting into my car to leave the mall, I decided to leave a tweet about the vote passing in case Jasper happened to look at his timeline before he put the kids to bed.

Twitter, for the second time that day, thanks to Lauren, succeeded in pissing me off. Alice's lovely best friend was at it again, warning all her followers of the impending dumping of them as her "friends" that would allegedly occur after dinner. Once, again, I was unable to just ignore her. She was too annoying, and I felt like the burden of listening to her had been laid on my shoulders.

_For the love of God, are you freaking kidding me? No one wants to listen to this shit._

I quickly tweeted about the vote and then closed the app, not waiting to see if anyone replied.

I drove home and straightened up the house a bit before pulling out my laptop to work on my rough draft of the city council story. I emailed it to Mike as soon as I was finished, then opened my inbox to see if there was anything interesting awaiting my attention. I read and replied to an email from Leah – we had begun emailing regularly and chatting on Twitter since she left Arizona – and then replied to a few new reviews that had come in on the fanfiction story I was writing.

When all my emails had been attended to, I took my macbook into the kitchen, turned on Pearl Jam, and opened the freezer, looking at its contents to consider my dinner options. I finally settled on a turkey burger and some onion rings, gathering the packages out of the freezer and setting them on the counter so I could heat everything.

While I was waiting for the onion rings to bake in the toaster oven, I noticed that the desert willow outside my kitchen window had begun to bloom. Running outside with iphone in hand, I stood in front of it and held the camera out as far as I could reach, snapping a picture of both myself and the pretty purple flowers.

Returning to the house, I emailed the picture to myself, then uploaded it on my macbook, making it my new Twitter icon. I sent out a quick tweet, pointing out the pretty flowers blooming in my avi, and then turned on the skillet to cook my burger.

A minute later, a tweet from Lauren showed up on my timeline that made me see red.

_Can't stop laughing at this picture. She's so funny looking! God, who is she kidding? _

I gritted my teeth to fight the tears that wanted to fall from how hurt my feelings were. What in the hell was wrong with that bitch? I didn't know how a person could be so mean.

Shaking my head to fight off the burning in my eyes, I refused to cry. I wasn't going to let Lauren hurt me – to do so would mean letting her matter, and she wasn't worth caring about. Not to me, anyway. I had tried to be nice to her because I knew that she was important to Alice, but every human had to have a limit somewhere, and apparently, Lauren was mine. I just couldn't take her for another second.

I opened my internet browser and went to my Twitter account to unfollow Lauren, only to find out that she'd beat me to the punch. I wasn't bothered by that, though; I was just glad that she was gone. I tweeted my feelings on the matter, once again keeping it ambiguous.

_Went to unfollow the bitch, but she got there first. Should thank her for saving my thumb a click._

Glad that my timeline would now be drama queen-free, I went back to my cooking, singing alone with Eddie Vedder to Just Breathe. My serenity lasted all of two minutes before a chime on my macbook indicated that I'd received a tweet.

Crossing my kitchen in just a few steps, I touched the mousepad to wake up my screen. The tweet I'd received, I saw, was from Alice.

_ToBeACullen It's really shitty of you to talk that way about my friend._

I wondered if she had sent a similar tweet to Lauren, scolding her for being rude to her girlfriend. A quick check of her profile page told me that she had not.

With a heavy sigh and a strong desire to bang my head on the counter several times, I picked up my phone to reply to her. I figured it was better to text her, rather than arguing with her publicly on Twitter. I knew that Lauren was her friend, but it should have offended Alice just as much as it did me that her friend was talking so rudely about her girlfriend. _I _never would have let one of my friends talk that way about Alice, that was for damn sure.

I wanted to text Alice angrily, telling her exactly what I thought of her reaction to my tweets. But I knew that Jasper really wanted me to visit this weekend, and I really wanted that too, so I decided that maybe it was one of those times when I should choose my battles carefully.

_I'm sorry, Ali. I really didn't know you were online or knew who I was talking about._

_ So you think I'm an idiot? How would I NOT know?_

Again, the desire to bang my head on something hard was strong.

_Um, no. I do not. But I have 150 followers. It could have been anyone._

_ Come on, Bella. I can add. She said she was dumping. The timing... I gave you the benefit of the doubt earlier, but this was blatant. I thought you'd take the high road._

Really? Was she fucking serious? Why should I be the only one on that road? Lauren certainly hadn't cared about my feelings, and that didn't seem to bother Alice any. But I say one thing, and I'm some sort of criminal?

Not fair. Not fair at all.

_I'm sorry, maybe I should have, but she really hurt my feelings, and I wasn't feeling very high. I usually don't play passive aggressive, but I'm not really myself this week. Too much stress, and I'm not handling it well at all. _

_ How did she hurt your feelings?_

_ She said I was funny looking._

I felt like a child when I typed that reply, and I hated Lauren even more for making me feel that way. I hated the fact that I found it so easy to believe her too, that she could get to me so much - ever since I read that tweet, I'd been contemplating changing my avi. The only reason that I hadn't, really, was that I didn't want to give Lauren the satisfaction.

_I'll look into it. Give me a few._

I waited patiently, kind of, for about ten minutes before I heard from Alice again, who texted me a long explanation of how Lauren had been tweeting about a picture of her cousin's girlfriend on Facebook and just ranting about it on Twitter because she didn't like the girl at all.

I didn't believe it for a minute.

And really, even if it _was_ true, it didn't make Lauren any less of a bitch. She had tweeted that without an so that any of her followers might take it personally. Who did things like that?

I didn't say that, thought. Instead, I apologized to Alice again for disrespecting her friend. I did it not so much because I was actually sorry, because I still thought that Lauren deserved worse than what I said, but because I wanted to smooth things over. And then I told my girlfriend that I'd talk to her later, because, really, any more conversation right then might have made me forget my desire to keep the peace.

**A/N: Seems like the stress is wearing Bella thin. Can't say I blame her, though. It's been quite a rough week. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.**

**I was so amazed and grateful to see so many of you review the last chapter. I'm not sure if it was the promise of the outtake or if the quality of my chapter was suddenly so much better, but I'm thrilled either way. I hope you'll all keep reviewing. **

**Until next time, You know... **


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: The storyline is mine, but the characters belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A big thank you to JaspersBella and Karmabalance, who are amazing pre-readers and even better friends. Love you both.**

_ And then I told my girlfriend that I'd talk to her later, because, really, any more conversation right then might have made me forget my desire to keep the peace._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 28**

I woke up the next morning after a night filled with lots of tossing, plenty of turning, but very little sleeping. After two pretty big blow ups with Alice in less than twenty-four hours, my brain was in overdrive, trying desperately to sort everything out. The one thing that eluded me was the one thing that I wanted the most: an explanation. I just wanted to understand _why_ Alice was acting the way that she was. Why was she so hot and cold? Why was she the only one, at any given moment, who had any idea of whether we were still together? I was sure that, if I just had an explanation, I could be much more patient and understanding.

Without one, however, I was feeling a bit crabby and fed up. I really wasn't sure I could take much more of this, no matter how much I felt for my lovers.

After a good stretch, I reached over to my bedside table and picked up my iphone, turning off the alarm before it had a chance to blare it's obnoxious siren, and noticing that there was a text waiting for me from Jasper.

_Ali and I had a long talk after you and I hung up. Everything is ok now, I wanted you to know that so that hopefully you'd have a good day. Also, I wanted to tell you that I was on your side about the whole Lauren thing. She's a toxic bitch. I don't know why Ali doesn't see that. Anyway, fuck what she says. You're beautiful, Bella. TTY at lunch. _

I wasn't sure what he meant by "everything". Did that mean that the fight from yesterday was over, or that our relationship was back on track? I wasn't sure, but decided that I wasn't going to worry about it for now.

I was much more interested in the last few words of Jasper's text. The ones where he said I was beautiful. Even without him there with me, my face had warmed with a deep red blush as soon as I'd read the words. There was something amazing about this man; with just a few typed words, he could make me feel so...special; so loved. He made me want to believe everything that Edward had made me doubt about myself. I had no idea how I'd gotten so lucky to have him in my life, but I thanked God, Fate...whoever... for bringing him to me.

I took a shower and got dressed and ready for work, all the while singing along with Dave Matthews Band as it played from my itunes, then headed to the office. I was in a good mood, despite everything, and hoped that everyone in my life would just cooperate and give me a good day to go with it.

Sitting in my office a couple of hours later, I was editing a follow-up story for one of the other reporters when I was interrupted by a knock on my door. Saving my work just in case, I turned my head toward the door and called for the visitor to enter.

"Hello, Bella," called Eric, smiling as he stepped into my office. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm good," I said with a nod and a smile, feeling for the first time in over a week that it might have actually been true. "How about you?"

"I'm well, thank you," my boss replied. "Hard at work as always, I see."

I grinned. "Just getting a few edits done."

Eric nodded. "I'm not surprised – you're probably the most sought-after peer editor at the paper," he said. I bit my lip to prevent the proud smile from completely overtaking my face. "At any rate, Bella, I just wanted to stop by and congratulate you on a job well done. You and Newton really turned out a great series of articles about the city council vote. I want the two of you to keep on the project throughout construction, alright?"

"Absolutely!" I said excitedly, reaching across my desk to shake his hand.

Eric rose to leave, but then paused before actually exiting my office. "You know, Swan," he said, taking a step back into the office with a thoughtful look on his face. "You write politics differently from almost any reporter I've ever seen. Your angle is unique – don't lose that. I think it's going to become your signature, and you may very well really make a name for yourself if you keep it up." He reached out and patted my shoulder, then, with a proud smile, left the room.

I waited until he shut the door before doing a full-out fist pump.

After my meeting with Eric, I went back to my editing work, but was having a hard time regaining my focus. My head was swirling with excitement about telling Jasper and Carmen what Eric had said, in addition to my usual wondering of whether Alice was going to talk to me.

Instead of correcting another reporter's grammar, I found myself scribbling notes into the red spiral notebook that I always carried in my purse. The notes were for an article I wanted to write to send to magazines for publishing - the idea had come to me while I was driving and had been taking shape in my brain throughout the morning. The more I thought about it, the better I thought the idea was.

Wanting a second opinion, I opened my twitter.

_LatinGoddess are you around?_

I got a reply from her a few seconds later, saying she had five minutes before a meeting and asking what she could do for me.

_LatinGoddess Have an article idea – about shoes. For mag publication. Can I email you the notes? I want a second opinion._

_ToBeACullen Absolutely. Send it over whenever you'd like, I'll take a look. Glad you're going to branch out. I'm sure it'll be great. How's the … other stuff ... going?_

I contemplated the question for a few seconds before typing my response.

_LatinGoddess I think things may be looking up. It's a good day so far. I'm optimistic._

_ToBeACullen That's great, chica. Glad to hear it. Must get to meeting now. You know how to find me if you need. Later._

With the encouragement from Carmen, I ignored my editing work for a bit longer and typed up the notes I'd made about the feature and emailed them to her. I was feeling pretty excited about my ideas and the potential I thought they had.

After a few more minutes of mentally picturing my name typed in the glossy pages of _Cosmopolitan_ or _Elle_, I finally got back to work.

Working didn't last too long, though, because I was once again interrupted, this time by a text from Esme.

_Hello Bella dear. I haven't heard back from you yet regarding our plans. Which weekend would you like me to fly down?_

Sighing as I stared at the message, I realized that things had been such a disaster with Alice the past few days that I was no closer to having an answer for my mother-in-law than I had been the day that the visit was first discussed. I couldn't put her off again, so I was going to have to woman up and just ask Alice directly. At this point, I'd already quit walking on eggshells around her and just started throwing the damn things – what's the worst that could happen?

That was probably the dumbest question I ever could have asked myself, but I was feeling brave. Or maybe reckless. Either way, I sent Alice a text. I was just done tiptoeing around a sleeping bear. If it was going to wake up and eat me, then so be it. I was ready to just get it over with.

_You awake Ali?_

Surprisingly enough, she answered me right away.

_Yes. Good morning sweetie. Sending J the info to pay that ticket he got on the way home from your place._

Sweetie? Jasper must have been right after all about everything being ok. And while it felt a little odd to me that we were going to be back to normal without ever really talking about what happened, it seemed like one of those occasions where my dad would have used the phrase "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." Now, I never really understood where that expression came from, but the point was at least clear: you got what you wanted, Bella. Shut up and go with it.

_ -cringe- how bad?_

_ $180. You know, just contributing to the improvement of your highways. Maybe they'll name a rest stop for us?_

She seemed to be in a good mood today. That was a nice change, and a big relief. I smiled as I replied to her text.

_-giggles- Just what I've always hoped for...my own rest stop!_

_ Hey, those rest stops by you are nice!_

Feeling buoyed by the easy flow of conversation between us, I decided to go for it.

_Trufax. Hey, speaking of those rest stops... Am I planning on driving by them this weekend? It's cool either way, I just need to let Esme know my plans so she can make hers._

_ I don't know. J and I need to discuss, but I'm actually sick right now, so I'd have to be better first. I'll talk to him, ok?_

It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but it hadn't been a flat out no either. I could work with that...for now.

_That's fine babe. I'll have Esme down to visit this weekend if you'd rather postpone._

_ I want to see you, I just don't think I'd be much fun sick. I can talk now, but have a fever and the shakes still. Wait and see?_

Upon reading her text, my inner caretaker immediately took over.

_ Oh sweetie, that's not good at all. -sad face- I wish I could bring you soup._

_ J's going to pick some up for me. I'm not working tonight, just going to relax._

_ That's good. You should sleep as much as you can. This sucks... I want to take care of you._

_ I know. I'll be fine. Just need rest._

_ I know. -kisses your forehead- Go sleep now. I'll ttyl._

Our conversation hadn't done much in terms of getting me an answer for Esme, but I felt like Alice seemed more like her old self than she had in most of the past week and a half. And really, if she didn't want to see me, she would have just said no, right? It had to be a good sign.

Wanting to give her a chance to talk with Jasper, I texted Esme quickly, letting her know that I would have an answer for her before the end of the day, and that I was excited to see her, whichever weekend it happened. Once I hit send on the text to Esme, I set my iphone down on the desk and went back to the article that I'd already spent the better part of the last hour – much longer than what was normal for me – editing.

I finished all of my edits and emailed each of the articles back to their authors in time to have only missed the first ten minutes of my lunch break. I quickly gathered my bag and my phone and walked to the park across the street, hearing the text alert sound while I was still in the crosswalk. I read the message from Jasper as soon as I got myself settled on the bench.

_You there, baby? _

_ I am... - smiles- Got a little caught up at work and forgot it was lunch time. I got your text this morning... Thank you, Jasper. So much._

_ There's no need, B. I was just being honest. You ARE beautiful. _

Once again, his typed words were making me blush. I'd never told him about Edward and the way he looked at me, so there was no way Jasper could really understand how much him saying that meant to me. Jasper was extremely good-looking, in a rugged, manly sort of way, and incredibly sexy. That a man like that found me beautiful... Well, it left me speechless.

_So I mentioned this weekend to Alice earlier... She said that she had to talk with you about it. _

_ Yeah, we talked about it last night after our fight. She seemed cool with the idea, it's just a matter of if she's feeling better in time._

I sighed slightly in relief. I was glad that his impression and mine were so similar. It made me believe that I had been right this morning, and things really were going to turn around finally.

_Maybe we should just shoot for next weekend, just in case?_

_ No – next weekend is the picnic and first soccer game for Peter. We can't do anything then. I'll feed Ali lots of soup and vitamin C for the next couple days, don't worry. _

_ OK, I'll text my mother-in-law and have her come next weekend, and we'll hope for me filling my gas tank after work Friday. I hope this works out... I can't wait to see you, J. _

_ I can't wait to touch you, B. And kiss you. _

I shivered at the thought of being with him again. For the past week and a half, I'd been too afraid to even consider it, not wanting to have all of my hopes dashed.

_I just want to be in your arms again...feel your heart beat against mine._

_ We'll make last time look like a warm up, Bella. I'm dying to be inside you again._

And I was just dying, after reading that text. Good lord, what this man could do to me! I hadn't felt any desire – or pleasure – since the moment he'd told me it was over on skype. And now, with just a few words, he'd set my body on fire with want.

_ I want your hands all over me. I want to feel your tongue on my neck...and other places. I want you in my mouth while Alice whispers dirty things in our ears._

I was breathing hard as I typed the words into my phone. Just thinking about what might happen when my lovers and I were in bed together once again had my thighs clenching together with anticipation.

_Fuck, baby... I wish you were already here. I don't know how I'm going to make it until Friday._

_ Me neither. God... =_

A few minutes passed by without any texts passing between us. I wasn't worried, though. I figured that Jasper, much like me, needed a few minutes to calm himself down from the fantasies we'd lost ourselves in. After all, we both had to go back to work in a few minutes.

_I have to go back to work. I don't think I'll be able to think about anything but you the rest of the afternoon. Ali is staying home tonight...maybe we can skype. I'll text you when the kids sleep, ok?_

_ Ok baby. I'll talk to you then...and think of you until. -kisses-_

I slipped my phone into my pocket and tossed my lunch bag into the garbage can near the street as I walked back toward the office, wondering how on earth I was going to concentrate on the news when my head was swirling with sexy images, all of which involved me in the bed of a very naked Jasper and Alice... well, except for the one of me slowly undressing them as I kissed every inch of skin as it was revealed... But you get the idea.

After a morning full of distractions, my afternoon at work was fairly quiet. A quick text to Esme letting her know what I'd found about about my plans and an excited text back half an hour later with flight details were the only interruptions I had until it was nearly time to leave the office.

Already finished with my work for the day, and needing a way to pass the last twenty minutes of the work day, I'd opened up my Twitter app to see what was going on amongst my friends. I got on at just the right time to catch a tweet from my friend Angela that nearly made me squeal with excitement right there in the office.

_100 Monkeys are coming to Kingman next Thursday! Who's gonna be my date?_

I quickly looked at the flight information that Esme had texted me earlier. There was easily enough time for me to drive back from Kingman in the morning to meet her at the airport, and I had already planned on taking that Friday off of work anyway, since she was coming in.

_AngelInChenes Wouldn't miss it for the world! Are we going to dinner first?_

Angela and I had become friends through Victoria, who had gotten to know her when she was leaving reviews on her story. Eventually, Vic told Angela to join Twitter, and it had only taken a few conversations before the two became good friends, and then Vic introduced me to her. When the three of us realized just how close we lived to each other last December, we'd made plans to spend New Year's Eve together. It was a great night - the three of us had fit together as easily as if we'd been friends our whole lives.

_ToBeACullen And dancing afterwards! Malt liquor?_

I burst out laughing so loudly when I saw her tweet that I was worried that someone would come in to see what was wrong. Luckily, no one did.

Angela's tweet was part of a long-standing joke between the two of us. Angela liked to tease me about my love of "girly drinks" such as wine coolers, and so, on New Year's Eve, when the three of us met for the first time, she brought me a gift: St Ides Special Brew. I hadn't drank the stuff since I was seventeen and hanging out on the Quiluete Reservation with Jacob when I lived up in Washington. Remembering how much I'd always liked it back then, I was extremely enthusiastic about her gift, which she found hilarious. She'd probably never let me forget it either.

_AngelInChenes Is there anything else? We'll have to pour one for our homie too - ChefVicMixALot won't be able to come Thursday. _

_ ToBeACullen Why not? _

_ AngelInChenes Big state dinner on Friday night at the gov's mansion. She won't be able to get away. But we'll have fun, I promise!_

_ ToBeACullen of course we will! Call me later, we'll make plans!_

Excited about my prospects for the next two weeks, I opened my email inbox to see what had arrived while I'd been chatting with Angela, hoping for good news. It arrived in the form of a message from Carmen, who was very supportive about my feature idea and had made a few notes at the bottom of the page. I read through them quickly, laughing at her insistence that I begin my research on the article with a 1, 2, 3, fuck it for good luck, and then replied to her with a quick note of thanks before closing up my macbook and gathering my things to go home.

I arrived at my house shortly thereafter in a great mood. There was good career news, two, maybe three exciting visits to look forward to, another chance to see one of my favorite bands, and Alice was acting normal. So far, my day had been everything I could have hoped for.

I walked into the kitchen and looked through the pantry and freezer, trying to decide on something for dinner. I wasn't really in the mood to cook anything that would take a lot of effort, so I settled on ravioli, figuring I could at least manage boiling water.

Once I had the water on the fire, I pulled my macbook out of my laptop bag and opened it, turning on my blues playlist and closed my eyes, leaning against the counter and letting the opening notes of Gary Moore's Still Got the Blues capture me.

I stirred my dinner occasionally as I listened to the amazing guitar riffs that filled this playlist, finally picking up the pot and dumping it over the strainer when the raviolis floated to the top of the water. I gave them a few minutes to dry, and then spooned them onto a plate and poured the sauce over them and carried it over to the table.

I was three bites into my dinner when my phone rang, bringing the amazingness that had thus far characterized my day to an abrupt end.

"Edward?" I asked when I answered the call, confused as to why I was hearing from him again after just a few days.

"Hello, Love," he replied. I frowned at the nickname. I had enjoyed it years ago, but just found it rather distasteful now, since everything between us had changed. "How are you?"

"Is something wrong?" I asked, still not clear as to why he was calling.

"Why? I can't just call to talk to my wife?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that. I mean, technically, yes, he could do that. He just didn't, usually. I felt like I had entered the Twilight Zone.

"Yeah, sure. I guess," I said, not able to hide the awkwardness I felt. I just couldn't stop wondering what he was up to.

"So anyway; I asked how you are," he reminded.

"I'm fine," I said, though it sounded more like a question.

"Fine..." he repeated, trailing off at the end in a way that told me there was something on his mind. I knew him well enough to know that he hadn't just called to ask how I was, and I was starting to be really irritated that he was taking so long to get to the point. My dinner was getting cold.

"Yeah," I said, my brow burrowed as I tried to think of something to say. I couldn't help but notice how unnatural talking to Edward felt these days. "Having a good day. A busy one."

"Yes, my mother told me she wanted to come to see you, but that you hadn't told her when yet. Are you avoiding my mother, Bella?"

It was an accusation, and I didn't like it one bit. "Esme is coming here a week from Friday," I said sharply.

"Why was it so hard for you to choose a date, Bella?" he demanded.

"Edward," I said, taking a deep breath to try to stay calm. "I had to work out some things in my schedule. I talked to her this morning and we made plans."

"Your schedule," he swore, as if the word tasted bad in his mouth. He was mocking me, and I hated it.

"Yes, my schedule. I am a busy woman, Edward. I have a job, things to do. Your mother understood, and I'm not going to apologize to you because I might actually have something to do besides sit around this house and wait for someone to come see me whenever they feel like it."

The words came out of my mouth like razor blades cutting through the air. The thing was, I knew very well that Edward _did_ want an apology for exactly that. He had been complaining for months, every time we talked, about me traveling. It didn't matter if it was for business or pleasure, he just didn't want me to go anywhere, at least not without him. But he hadn't yet, nor would he ever, get me to feel badly about living my life in his absence.

"You might want to keep in mind, Bella," he said, his voice filled with venom, "that you are a married woman. It's unseemly for you to be going off here and there the way you do."

He was pushing my buttons, and I knew it, but it was impossible not to react.

"I'm not the only one here who's forgotten that they are married, Edward! Why in the hell do you care where I am anyway? It's not like you're ever here! It's not like you're going to miss me!" I was yelling now.

"Don't raise your voice at me that way, Bella," he scolded, his voice still sickeningly calm. "You know how rude I find it. I've hardly forgotten that you are my wife. I support you and give you everything you want, don't I?"

I choked on my own rage and tears filled my eyes as I fought to stay in control of my emotions.

"No! You don't give me what I want. I never asked for your money or the things you could buy me. I wanted you to be here, to be my partner in life. But you didn't fucking want that, Edward! You _left_ me!"

I heard his deep sigh on the other end of the line and knew it was his commentary on my use of profanity. He didn't approve. I didn't give a shit.

"Wanted? That's past tense." I scowled; I hardly needed a grammar lesson from him. "Do you still want that, Bella?" he demanded.

I couldn't even answer him. The truth was, I didn't. I was done with Edward, and I knew it. I just wasn't sure I was ready to speak the words out loud.

"I spoke with Dr. Harrison last week. He said he and Mary haven't seen you in a very long time. Why aren't you spending time with our friends, Bella? You only have time for yourself these days?"

I wanted to scream. I wanted to fly to Kenya and stay just long enough to punch him in the face. _Our_ friends? I hated Mary Harrison. I thought she was a pretentious bitch, and Edward was well aware of that fact. But Edward wanted to spend time with Dr. Harrison, who I thought was a arrogant, racist asshole and a pervert to boot, and so I had been made to go along. But why on earth would I ever go near either of them without Edward? Because Edward wanted me to, that's why. If I asked him the very same question, he would tell me that it was my duty as his wife. But to be honest, I'd had enough of me being the only one in this marriage with any duties. As a matter of fact, I was pretty sick of being in the marriage in general.

I breathed in and out slowly, but audibly, knowing that Edward could hear my anger without me having to form any words at all.

"I just don't understand why you have to be so selfish, Bella. Why can't you just do these things for me?"

Any other sane person would have assumed that he was joking, but I knew better. This was just Edward. Edward Cullen, the epitome of selfishness, was accusing me of the same.

"Hello, Pot," I muttered. "My name is Kettle."

"What's that supposed to mean, Bella?"  
"Nothing," I snapped.

"You have no respect for me." He'd riled me up to the point of being completely furious, but even I couldn't argue with him on that. "Do you love me, Bella?"

I spoke before I could even think about what I was saying, or the consequences it might have.

"No."

**A/N: So, um...thoughts? I'd love to hear them.**

**Until next time... You know.**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: The storyline is mine, but the characters belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.**

**My lifelong gratitude, of course, is due JaspersBella and Karmabalance, who keep me steady, encourage me, and give me advice on this story. **

_ "You have no respect for me." He'd riled me up to the point of being completely furious, but I couldn't even argue with him on that. "Do you love me, Bella?"_

_ I spoke before I could even think about what I was saying, or the consequences it might have._

_ "No."_

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 29**

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and honestly, I wasn't sure who they shocked more. Both Edward and I were stunned into several moments of thick, uncomfortable silence. I didn't know what to say; there was no way to take it back, and as much as I had intended to do this is a better way, now that the truth had found its way between us, I wasn't sure I _wanted_ to take back the single word that I'd uttered; the single word that changed everything.

Several times, I opened my mouth to speak, but found that, despite my desire to end the uncomfortable tension that was holding the phone call hostage, I had nothing more to say. Thanks to Edward's pushing, I had said it all.

My hands shook as I waited for the reply that was taking forever to come. I was sure it had been at least three or four months, if not a year, since I'd answered his question.

Finally, he spoke, his voice soft and pained. "You just broke my heart, Bella."

I held the phone out in front of me for a second, staring at the screen in an attempt to ensure that I was still talking to my husband. According to the display, I was.

Maybe I was being punk'd?

I put the phone back up to my ear once again, completely confused by his reaction. I'd expected yelling, arguing, threats... anger of some form. But sadness? Hurt? Edward had completely thrown me for a loop.

Part of me wanted to feel sorry for him, but then I heard him sniffing on the other end of the line, as if he was crying. And somehow, rather than drawing compassion from me, Edward's tears brought outrage.

How dare he blame me for hurting him! He'd done nothing but disregard my thoughts, desires, and feelings for years now. He'd make me feel ugly, unwanted, unimportant. He'd abandoned me, for God's sake! And now he was going to say that _I_ broke _his _heart?

Was it possible to break someone's heart if they didn't have one?

"I," I started, feeling brave and ready to swing the ax one more time, finally chopping off the dead limb for good.

"Don't say anything, Bella," he said mechanically. "I don't want to talk to you right now. I will call you tomorrow. Goodbye."

I didn't even have a chance to respond. For several minutes, I sat in silence, staring at the blank, darkened screen of the phone that sat in my still-shaking hand. I could hardly believe what had just happened.

I thought that maybe it would be easier to comprehend if I talked about it, so I typed, my eyes barely focusing on the letters as my thumbs touched them, a message to Alice.

_Holy fuck. I just told him._

_ Told him what?_

I realized when I read her words that I had been extremely vague in my first text.

_I told Edward that I don't love him._

Typing the words made them no more believable. It all still seemed surreal. If I'd been speaking out loud to Alice, rather than texting, I was sure my voice would be completely devoid of emotions. I didn't feel anything but shock.

_Well how can you when he hasn't been around for years? Your heart can only take so much. Tell him that._

_ He hung up._

_ He'll call back._

_ He didn't hang up on me, really. He said that I hurt him very badly and that he'd call tomorrow. I'm just kind of in shock._

_ What did he expect? Honestly, he lies and craps on you and expects you to still love him?_

I thought about her question for a minute, and realized something very important. My words hadn't come out of nowhere; Edward knew exactly what he was doing the entire call. He pushed me, bringing up every subject that he knew damn well would get a rise out of me. He waited until he knew that I was furious, until my emotions were completely in charge of my mind and my logic forgotten, and _then_ he asked me if I loved him.

What _did_ he expect? If he had even half a brain, he probably expected exactly what he got.

He was sort of a bastard for making me do it, for pushing me into saying the words that we both must have realized were true before they were spoken aloud.

And what in the hell was with the tears? Crocodile tears, if you asked me. Surely he wasn't crying over the loss of a relationship he cared so little about.

_ I don't know. The call was a clusterfuck of shit. He cornered me... I just can't believe I said it. I feel kind of free, but terrified. _

I realized it as I typed – the shock was wearing off now, and was being replaced by the most amazing feeling of freedom and lightness, as if a heavy load had finally been lifted from my shoulders. I took several deep breaths, letting a smile grace my lips as I repeated the words softly to myself.

"I'm free."

Alice's text almost startled me, as I'd lost myself so much in my reveling.

_ Don't worry, it'll work out._

_ I'm ok. I'm just...wow. I just can't quite grasp it all._

_ Take a minute, let it sink in._

That was exactly what I needed to do.

_I'll tty in a while..._

I sat in the same spot on my living room floor for so long that the sun set and, by the time I paid any notice, the room around me was dark. A million thoughts must have passed through my head during those hours: guilt over the way I'd told Edward, but also justification for it, given his role in how it had happened; panic over Esme's visit, and wondering whether Edward would tell her what had happened before next weekend, if she'd be angry with me; worry about what would happen now that the truth was out. But above all, I focused on how good it felt to know that I'd finally said it, finally told Edward the truth. I was finally going to be free.

I rose and walked over to turn on a light, figuring that sitting in my dark living room was a little weird, and then went into the dining room to clean up the dinner that had long since gotten cold.

Just as I was loading the last plate into my dishwasher, the text alert sounded on my phone.

_J is home and is lending his support via holding my boobs for you._

Yep, we were clearly back to normal here. I had to admit, I felt a little odd about the fact that we were apparently just going to wave goodbye to the giant pink elephant that had been sitting on the couch with us for the past week and a half and pretend that he'd never been there in the first place. So many questions still loomed large like storm clouds overhead; we should probably have been discussing what in the hell had changed between us, why things had gotten bad and what had made them better. And maybe we would, at a later date. But for right now, the words of Irina's email were swimming through my mind, reminding me that we were three people, hard to get on one wavelength all at once. We all wanted the same thing now – did the why really matter? Not really, I decided. So I was going to just go with it, following Alice's lead, because this evening had already been as emotionally intense as I could stand.

Gift horses, and all that. I had better things to do than examine the reasons _why_ everything was alright. Like enjoy the fact that everything was alright, for example.

_ -dies laughing- Not exactly what I had in mind. Try making out... That usually cheers me up._

_ -kissing sounds- mmmm...huh? What?_

Most people probably would have been jealous. I wasn't. I loved the idea of the two of them kissing each other – it made me happy and turned me on at the same time.

_-closes eyes and pictures the two of you making out- mmmm... much better._

_ Or you could close your eyes and picture YOU making out with either of us. Just sayin._

I contemplated the idea for a moment while biting my lip... It certainly had potential. A shiver ran through me as an even better idea crossed my mind.

_Or I could make out with you while J has his mouth on my neck and his arms around both of us._

_ Whatever creams your twinkie baby... Can't wait until this weekend._

Laughing out loud, then shuddering a bit at the image her text produced in my brain, the moment of desire passed.

_Doesn't it make more sense to say that to J?_

_ A twinkie can be anything babe..._

_ -laughs- Yeah, well I made the mistake of picturing an actual twinkie... don't think I'll ever eat one again._

_ Oh silly girl! You need to learn to separate them!_

_ It's ok. I don't really like twinkies anyway. Now one of those cream-filled cupcakes...that I would eat. And I can't wait till tomorrow night. I just want to kiss you so much._

_ I know. J says we can be like one of those cupcakes tomorrow... You can be the cream filling._

The words were silly, but the image it created was not in the slightest bit. The desire was back in full force as I thought about my naked body lying between theirs, arms and legs tangled, hands and lips everywhere...

_Yes please._

_ Ok, I have to go to work now. Have a good night._

_ Ok babe. Have a good night. Ttyl. _

Setting my phone back down on the table, I knew I had at least an hour before Jasper put his kids to bed, so I contemplated how to spend this free time. With my head was still swirling like crazy with thoughts, I decided that a good yoga routine was a good idea. It would help me find my center.

Walking down the hall to my room, I scanned the shelf and picked out a DVD. It was one of the hardest workouts I had – the instructor was incredible and asked me to do things that I would have sworn were impossible back in high school, or hell, even a couple of years ago, so it would take all of my focus to pull off the routine.

For the next hour, I lost myself in gravity-defying backbends and positions that required more balance than I'd had in all my childhood years combined. I let every worry and anxiety fall off my shoulders as I stretched myself toward the floor in downward-facing dog. By the time Rodney Yee's soothing voice was coaching long, slow breaths as I laid with my back against the yoga mat, I was exhausted and drenched in sweat, but proud of myself for completing the entire routine.

Right as my television screen went black, Jasper, once again proving how much in sync we were, texted me.

_Kids are tucked in and drifting off to sleep. You want to skype with me, baby?_

_ I very much do. But I just finished working out and I'm sure I look awful. _

_ You sweaty?_

_ Yes._

_ Flushed?_

_ Most likely._

_ Breathing hard?_

_ Little bit, yeah..._

_ Sounds like you look perfect. _

I giggled as I read his text, understanding exactly where his mind was. I decided quickly that two could play that game.

_Not quite the same when I have sweaty clothes on, though... not that I'm wearing much. I was thinking of taking a nice, relaxing bubble bath. Want to join me?_

_ You're evil._

_ No, I'm not. I'm sweet. _

_ How is it sweet to tell me you're going to be wet and naked in the tub when I can't join you?_

I giggled. Flirting with him, even via text, always made me smile.

_ What do you mean? I invited you to join me. Give me five minutes, then skype._

Quickly I made my way into the bathroom in the hall and turned on the water, pouring a very generous amount of bubble bath into the water after I plugged the drain. Then, returning to my bedroom, I gathered a clean towel and my macbook, carrying both to the hall bathroom. I set my computer up on the toilet seat, making sure the angle was right, and then climbed into the bathtub, letting my tired body slip into the hot, sudsy water while being careful to keep one hand completely dry.

A minute later, skype announced a call and I reached my dry hand out to accept it. I clicked the button that would turn the video on for the call, and then leaned back against the cool porcelain of the tub.

I smirked as Jasper's wide-eyed face filled my screen. "Told you I would let you join me for a bath."

I giggled when his jaw dropped as a cluster of bubbles was swept away by the movement of the water, revealing my bare breast to him. He quickly closed his mouth and swallowed hard, trying and failing to hide the grin on his face. I bit my lip and looked down, a blush warming my cheeks as I pulled some bubbles back towards me, hiding my nipples from him once again.

"Hi," he finally said, his voice low and raspy. I loved having that effect on him.

"Hey baby," I replied through my smile, my head still tilted downward as I looked up at him from the corner of my eyes. He groaned audibly. "What?" I asked, innocence coloring my voice.

"It's that thing you do with your eyes... God, it just makes me want you even more."

I smiled sweetly and made a mental note to look at him that same way more often. "I'll keep that in mind," I said coyly.

"So..." he began, seeming like he was searching for a subject. "I hear you gave asshat some big news today."

I nodded. "I didn't mean to, but yeah, I told him."

"How's that go?"

"Not at all like I expected," I replied. "I thought he'd fight with me. But he..." I paused and made a face to show that I was a little disgusted and a lot confused by Edward's reaction. "He cried."

Jasper's expression echoed my own. "Don't get me wrong here, baby, it would kill _me_ to lose you. But I didn't think it would really bother _him_ that much."

"Yeah," I agreed, rolling my eyes. "I didn't either. But I think he was faking, really. I think he just wanted me to feel guilty. I don't know..." Letting my voice trail off, I toyed with the bubbles floating around me. "I don't really want to talk about him anymore. There's really nothing else to tell, and it was basically the worst part of my day."

"That's fine, sweetie. We can change the subject. So... How's the water?" he asked with a sly grin.

I giggled. "It's hot," I replied, not taking my eyes away from the screen. "And wet. And bubbly."

"Mmhmm, I can see that," he sputtered, squirming in his seat. "Well, except the bubbly part. That may be an overstatement."

Looking down, I realized that he had a good point. "Seems like you're right about that," I agreed. "Maybe I should get out?"

"You really don't have to," he said, shaking his head. "I'm not complaining. I kind of like the view."

I smiled. I could see my picture in the small box on my screen. I was a mess, my hair pulled up in a sweaty bun on top of my head with strands falling out everywhere, my face flushed, sweat beading around my hairline and dripping slowly down my cheeks, my pale, freckled skin blotchy from the heat of the water, and more and more of my imperfect body revealed every second by the disappearing bubbles. But something about Jasper made me feel so comfortable in my own skin; I really didn't mind letting him see me this way.

"I should at least wash, then. I did get very sweaty from yoga," I said, sitting up and reaching for my shower puff.

"Yeah, ok," Jasper agreed, his eyes widening as he saw what I was doing.

When I had poured enough body wash onto the puff, I started with my arms, covering them with suds before moving on to my chest. I slowed down my efforts then, taking my time to be sure that the area around my breasts was extremely clean. I smirked silently when I heard Jasper gasp for breath, but I didn't stop. Once my torso was clean, I lifted my legs out of the water one at a time, checking in my screen to be sure that he could see the water and soap suds as they slid down over my creamy thighs. Once my body was cleansed, I dropped the shower puff into the water, rinsing it, then brought it back up, dripping heavily, and let it pour water over my body, rinsing me.

"Holy fuck," Jasper breathed, just loud enough for me to hear.

I wasn't positive, but I was pretty damn sure I'd never felt so sexy in my life. Seeing how much Jasper had enjoyed the view, I reached over to the toilet seat and picked up my iphone, clicking the icon for the camera app, and then took a picture of my legs, bent at the knees, sticking up from under the bathwater. The picture wasn't very racy – only the area from my thigh to mid calf was showing – but I thought it was sexy all the same. I quickly texted it to Jasper.

"So you don't forget," I explained as he looked at me questioningly.

"How could I?"

I shrugged. "Either way." Smiling at him, I leaned forward and pulled the plug out of the drain. "I need to get out of here before I turn into a raisin. Can you hang on a second?"

"I'm not sure if I can, but I'll sure try," he replied, making me laugh softly.

I reached for my towel and stood up once it was in my hand, quickly wrapping myself in its warmth. Once I was covered and my hands were dried, I picked up my phone and my macbook and carried them back to my bedroom. I set my things down on the bed and then tilted the screen up a bit so that I could look at Jasper.

"I need to get my pjs on," I said.

"Or..."

"Or what?" I asked.

"Or you could not," he replied, waggling his eye brows at me suggestively.

Feigning innocence, I asked what I was supposed to do if I didn't put my pajamas on, reminding him that I was only in a towel.

"I was thinking you could just stay naked," he said, his voice somewhere between soft and shy and the low, gravely tone that made me clench my thighs together.

"What about..." I started.

"Ali and I talked about it before she went to work," he said, guessing what I was going to ask before I could even get the words out. "She said it was ok if we wanted to play... I mean, if you..."

I couldn't bear to let him suffer for another second. "I want to, Jasper," I said, staring right into his eyes through the screen. "It's been too long." Just knowing that he wanted me, that he'd been thinking of it for hours before he even called me, made my whole body hum.

I pushed the macbook back across the mattress and laid down on my stomach beside it, keeping the towel wrapped loosely around me. Resting my head in my hand, I looked at him. "I think you're wearing far too many clothes right now. I feel very underdressed for this party with you like that."

"Can't let my girl feel that way," he said, sitting up and pulling the hem of his t shirt up over his head, tossing the fabric to the side. I moaned softly as his chest and abs and...oh god, his arms... were revealed to me for the first time in far too long. "Like that, do you?" he asked, smirking.

"God yes," I replied shamelessly. "I can't wait to touch you this weekend." I wondered briefly whether he'd think it was weird if I licked his tattoo, then filed that thought away for later.

I watched as he slid his shorts down over his hips, licking my lips as the rest of him finally in front of my eyes. I loved the way that he was shy sometimes, but completely confidant about this. He never tried to hide his body from me, not that he needed to – he was extremely sexy. When I looked at him like this, it was all I could do not to try to find a way to crawl through my screen. He had done nothing but strip, but I was already rubbing my thighs together; I was aching for him.

He sat back down on the loveseat, leaning back against the arm. My breaths came harder as each second passed, knowing what was coming. Or maybe I should say who.

I shivered.

"Are you cold?" he asked, concern in his tone.

"Not at all," I whispered slowly. In fact, I was feeling feverish. I rolled myself over, resting my head on the pile of pillows near my headboard and letting the towel slide down toward my waist, revealing my breasts. Keeping my eyes on Jasper, I brought my fingers up and began to roll my nipples between them, arching my back into my own touch. It had been so long. "Mmm...Jasper," I breathed.

He hadn't even touched himself yet, but already his eyes were rolling back and his breath was catching. "I love when you say my name like that," he growled.

"God, Jasper," I moaned, his words sending desire coursing through my body. I could feel how much I wanted him all the way to my toes. "I wish these were your hands on me."

"So do I," he groaned as he took himself in hand. I forced my eyes to stay open, wanting to watch the slow strokes as he made them, the tension already showing in the muscles of his forearms. "Or my mouth. I want to take those tasty nipples into my mouth and suck on them... Bite them."

Unable to wait any longer, I gave my nipples each a sharp pinch and then dragged my hands down over my abs, pressing hard into my still-damp skin, imaging that they were Jasper's hands on me. I didn't stop as I passed the area that ached to be touched, instead reaching down, caressing my thighs, ghosting my fingertips across my inner thighs, making myself shiver and shake.

"Touch yourself for me, baby," he panted, his strokes quickening as he watched me. "Think about how much I want to slip my fingers inside of you... how much I want to taste you... how much I want to be inside of you..."

My fingers found their destination as soon as he asked me to, sliding effortlessly over my clit, making my hips buck up in need.

"I can't wait to feel you, Jasper," I whimpered through my heavy breaths. "I'm dying to feel your hot skin all over mine while you hold me close... Sliding in and...oh god...out of me from behind while you're reaching around, stroking me and squeezing my tits."

I rubbed myself faster, matching the speed of Jasper's hand as it moved up and down. I stared at his cock, wishing that I could wrap my lips around it and take him into my mouth.

"I'll give you everything you want, baby, just... fuck... just get here. I'm going to make you come over and over and...oh Bella...over again."

"Friday..." I groaned. "I'm going to take you in my mouth... I'm going to make you feel so...fucking good." I moaned long and low as his shoulders began to shake, knowing how close he was. I was right there too. "My tongue and my lips... teasing you... taking you all the way in... I want to make you come like that, baby."

"Fuck...Fuck, Bella!" Jasper cried out.

I wanted to watch him, but my eyes squeezed shut as my own pleasure overtook me, whimpers and pants and moans falling without any conscious decision from my mouth as I threw my head back into the pile of pillows. My body writhed uncontrollably as I listened to him come, imagining he was right there with me.

I finally fell limp against my mattress, panting, and reached down to pull the sheet up to cover myself a bit. I opened my eyes and turned toward my macbook, smiling lazily at Jasper. "Wow," I said, giggling a bit.

"I know exactly what you mean," he replied, still breathing hard.

"Guess we'll be sleeping good tonight," I said, finding it hard to keep my eyes open.

"For fucking sure," he laughed. "Just think, tomorrow night you'll be sleeping in my arms."

"I can't wait."

**A/N: -fans face- I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I did writing it. I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

Until next time... You know. 


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: The storyline is mine. The characters belong to SM. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**To my darlings, Karmabalance and JaspersBella, who talked me through some writer's block and must have looked at this five times before I was sure it was done. I don't know what I'd do without you two. Thank you.**

_ "Guess we'll be sleeping good tonight."_

_ "For fucking sure," he laughed. "Just think, tomorrow night you'll be sleeping in my arms."_

_ "I can't wait."_

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 30**

I woke up the next morning to a text from Jasper. I loved mornings like that – whether there was a reminder of him or not, he was always the first person I thought of upon opening my eyes, but it was nice to know that he was already thinking of me too.

_Don't forget to get gas. I'll see you in 16 hours or so._

I grinned as I read his words. It was impossible not to when he was counting down the hours until we were together. That got to me every time. And after all the drama and confusion of the past almost two weeks, I was so happy to finally have something to look forward to again.

With a spring in my step, I got ready for my workday and packed an overnight bag, which I left sitting on top of my bed next to the jeans and top that I planned to wear for the drive. Then, after one last look in the mirror, and my body humming with excitement, I locked my front door behind me and got into my truck to make the drive to work.

With the insanity of Edward's phone call the night before, I had completely forgotten to call Angela so that we could figure out our plans for the concert. Knowing that she was an early riser in general, I figured it was safe to call her while I made the drive into the office.

"Hello?"

"Hey Angela," I greeted. "Sorry I didn't call last night – asshat decided to be an idiot and I got a little distracted." I sighed and rolled my eyes, then shook my head as I remembered that Edward had promised to call me back today. That was not something that I was looking forward to.

"It's alright, no biggie. So what's the plan? When are you coming in? I'm so damn excited!"

I laughed at Angela's enthusiasm. I, of course, shared it – a night out with one of my best friends and getting to see one of my favorite bands live? Who wouldn't be excited?

"I'm going to leave work at lunch time Thursday, drive over then. That way I won't get caught up in any traffic and make us late." I heard Angela snort on the other end of the line and I made a face. "What?"

Angela replied through barely stifled giggles. "Even if you leave at lunch, if you make it here on time for us to go to the show, I'll be impressed."

I scowled playfully at my phone. I wanted to argue, but the truth was, she was right. It was a miracle I ever made it to work on time, because I certainly wasn't ever on time for anything else. When we met for the first time on New Year's Eve, Angela, Vic and I had planned to see a cover band perform. I _may_ have arrived at Vic's house too late for us to make the show.

"In my defense, Victoria's directions from the highway to her house were all wrong, and that cost me at least half an hour," I countered.

"You were an hour and forty minutes late," Angela said through giggles.

"Yeah...well..." I tried to think of an excuse. "Good thing I'm leaving at lunch time then, right?"

"Definitely. I assume you're staying the night, right? Or the weekend?"

"My mother-in-law is coming – I have to leave Friday morning. But I … Oh shit!"

"What?" Angela asked, sounding confused.

"My truck... Crap, what the hell is going on?" I looked at the heat gauge of my car, worrying as it got closer and closer to the red at the top of the meter. "Ang, I gotta go. I have to call the dealership – something is wrong with my car."

We quickly said good bye, then I pulled over to the side of the road and dialed the number for the dealership where we'd bought my Lexus, explaining to the service advisor who answered what had happened with the car. To ensure that no further damage was done to the engine, just in case, the dealership would send a tow truck to pick up my truck and take it in.

Another quick phone call later, I was standing under the shade of one of the trees alongside the road waiting for Mike Newton to pick me up, trying to control the gnawing sensation in my stomach. My car had to be fixed by six o'clock; I needed it to drive to Vegas. Wringing my hands to release some nervous energy, I told myself over and over again that it would work out. Surely fate understood how important it was for me to see the Whitlocks this weekend. Seeing each other was the key to making all the questions disappear. I _needed_ to go; it just had to work out.

When I got to the office, I decided to just be optimistic and believe that the truck would be ready in time for me to leave. I spent most of my morning doing research for an article that would run on Tuesday of the next week, conducting an interview over the phone with one of the mayor's top aides and making an appointment for Monday to meet with the head landscape architect as well as the engineer who was going to be leading construction on the new park downtown.

When my work on that project was completed, I opened my email to see what articles were waiting for me to edit. I looked them over quickly, then decided that I would take a short break before I got started so that I could check on Alice. Despite Jasper having told me to fill my gas tank, I just wanted to be absolutely sure that Alice was up for the visit.

_You up babe?_

_ Yeah, just cleaning._

_ Oh...sounds thrilling._

_ Yeah...We'll have the place ship shape for you, don't worry dear._

I mentally threw confetti.

_Does that mean you're up for company this weekend?_

_ I thought that was decided already._

_ Just wanted to make sure you felt ok._

_ Yes. I'm sure J was going to text you to tell you to come on out today._

_ He did. I just wanted to double check with you..._

_ Silly girl. We're a go, ok?_

More mental confetti was thrown. I actually eyed my printer for a minute, considering the idea of making real confetti and throwing that too, but I figured the custodians would really not appreciate the effort as much as I would.

_Ok, I'll leave straight from work, so I'll probably see you around midnight. _

_ Can't wait, baby. I better get back to cleaning now._

_ Ok, ttys. -Kisses-_

I set my phone to the side and went back to work on editing the columns that my coworkers had sent to me, trying to keep my focus on my work instead of stalking the screen on my phone in hopes of catching the call from the dealership before the ring could even begin.

I hadn't heard anything from them when the time came to take my lunch, so I decided to walk to the park across the street and enjoy the warm rays of the sun during my half and hour break. Leaning up against my favorite tree, I closed my eyes and thought about what it would be like to be back in Jasper's arms, with Alice laying beside me. I wondered if it would feel different, now that I'd admitted my feelings, not just to myself, but to Jasper. And now that he'd told me that he loved me. I wished that I could tell Alice too, that all three of us could share that together, but she clearly wasn't ready for it yet. I could wait, though.

Jasper's text came when I was so lost in my musings that I actually jumped.

_There are only twelve hours left until midnight. Just sayin._

I giggled as his text brought a big smile to my face. I considered correcting him, as there were actually only eleven hours and forty-seven minutes until midnight, but I didn't want to look crazy.

_I'll be counting down right along with you. I can't wait, Jasper._

_ So you'll be here around midnight?_

_ That's the idea._

_ Hmm... I might take a nap before you get here. I don't figure we'll be sleeping early tonight._

_ I would highly doubt that. A nap is a good idea... -thinks of fun ways to wake you up-_

_ What do you have in mind, B? -raises brow in interest-_

_ Mmm...slipping under the covers while you sleep...not wearing anything...sliding my body up against you...kissing your neck while my hands move over your chest and I press myself against you..._

_ It's worth going to sleep early just to let you wake me up._

_ Well, I try..._

_ And you succeed. So how's your morning so far?_

I hated telling him; I didn't want to disappoint or worry him unnecessarily, especially since I still had hopes that the car was going to be an easy fix. But something about Jasper made me always want to tell him everything that was on my mind and in my heart.

_ Had some car trouble. It's at the dealership. Hopefully it'll be ready to go when I am. _

_ So you might not be able to come? Shit. What's wrong with it? -worried- _

_ I don't know yet. Waiting for a call. Don't worry – worst case scenario, I'll borrow Renee's car._

I mentally calculated the number of extra dinners that I'd have to endure if I borrowed my mother's car, and said an extra prayer that nothing major was wrong with mine.

_I'll cross my fingers for you. Anyway, I gotta grab something to eat before my break is over... Need fuel for tonight. ;) TTYL sweetie._

_ Eat lots of carbs, J. -kisses-_

Checking the time, I realized that I had just enough time, though, to call the dealership and check on Rex (yeah, I named my Lexus... It's tradition!) before my lunch break ended. By the time I hung up the phone, I was wishing that I hadn't made the call after all, as Joe the service advisor did _not_ have good news for me. It seemed that I had driven over a plastic bag in the road, and it had flown up under the car and disappeared into some crack or another... In the end, in the shittiest stroke of luck I'd ever heard of, it had blocked the air flow to my engine and caused the car to overheat. And to top things off, it would be late Saturday afternoon before my engine was put back together.

Sighing as I crossed the threshold of my office, I knew it was time to call in a favor with Renee.

"Bella?" came my mother's voice from the other end of the line, sounding surprised.

"Hey mom," I sang. "How's your day?"

I listened for a few minutes as she told me all about her pottery venture – she was making bowls with nature themes now – and about how some big college scouts were going to be watching Phil's team at their tournament this weekend. While she talked, I opened up the AP Newswires and began to scan them.

"That's great, Mom," I replied the first time she took a breath long enough for me to get a word in edgewise. "Listen, I have plans for this weekend, and my car had to go into the shop today. I won't be able to get it back until late tomorrow. Could I borrow yours? Please, mom?"

"Where are you going?"

I had so hoped she wouldn't ask. If I told her I was going back to Vegas, she'd either start lecturing me about my non-existent gambling problem or she'd start a Renee-style inquest into my personal life. She'd probably accuse me of cheating on Victoria, I thought with a roll of my eyes.

"Going to visit friends," I replied vaguely.

Clearly, that answer wasn't going to satisfy my mother's curiosity. "Which friends? Anyone I know?"

"Nope, sorry Mom. Not anyone that I've ever introduced you to. But they're good friends. Good people."

"What are their names?"

God damn it, she was not going to give up. I wished renting a car was an option, but it would start all kinds of crap with Edward, and that was more of a headache than it was worth. I'd rather walk to Vegas than deal with _that._

"Alice and Jasper," I replied, praying that her crazy, scattered brain would forget the names as soon as I changed the subject. "So, can I use the car?"

"You can, Bella, but I need you to bring it back by noon tomorrow. I have to drive over to Albuquerque for Phil's team's tournament."

I wanted to bang my head against the top of my desk. She'd dragged all this information out of me, all the while knowing that I wasn't going to get what I wanted.

With a deep, exasperated sigh, I thanked my mother. "Will you pick me up from work, then? I'll drop you off and have the car back at noon."

"See you then, Bella," she replied. I swear she sounded smug.

I didn't know _why _the world hated me, but clearly I had done something awful in a past life that was catching up with me. Feeling completely despondent, I sent a text to both Alice and Jasper.

_I can't come. I'm sorry._

I got a phone call a few minutes later from Alice.

"What's going on?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"My car is messed up. It'll be in the shop until late tomorrow. I don't have a way to make it to your house. I'm sorry, Ali."

"Oh, sweetie," she replied with the tender affection that I had heard from her when I was sick and that I had felt when she was sitting on my couch running her fingers through my hair. That tenderness was almost motherly, and made me feel safe and comforted. It was the same reason that I'd chosen her to talk to right after the disaster with Edward the night before. In spite of everything that had gone on between us during the past week and a half, Alice could take me right back to the perfect moment on that couch with nothing more than two words.

I couldn't fight the tears, but at least they fell silently. I was just so disappointed. And honestly, scared. This weekend together was meant to fix everything. How could we get back on track if we weren't together?

"We both have plans next weekend, so it'll be at least the week after and..." My voice was wavering so much that Alice probably knew how hard I was fighting the tears.

"Let me make a couple of calls, Bella. We'll figure something out, ok? Don't be sad, baby."

"Ok Ali," I said, trying to calm myself down. "I'll talk to you soon, then?"

"You will," she replied.

We hung up and I stared at my computer screen, silently dabbing at the tears that had already fallen. I looked at the clock, and saw that it was already after one o'clock. I was supposed to have been leaving in four hours.

I probably would have sat there and moped for the next four hours had Mike not run into my office so quickly that he had to grab onto the doorframe as he nearly skidded right past it.

"Grab your coat! We gotta go!" he cried, struggling into his own jacket.

"What's going on?" I asked, a little freaked out by his hurry.

"Disaster at the park site! I'll explain in the car. We gotta go!"

I grabbed my jacket and purse, sliding my phone into my pocket on the way out the door.

The two of us ran through the halls of the newspaper and out to the parking lot. Mike clicked the locks as we ran toward his Camry and we both slid in. I'd barely gotten my door shut before the car was reversing out of the parking space.

"Ok, tell me what you know," I demanded, not wanting to reach the site without a clue as to what to expect.

"Alright," he replied, taking a deep breath. "You already know that the groundbreaking was supposed to be next Wednesday." I nodded. "Well, the contractor had some of his men out there doing some surveying of the site. There was an accident – one of the workers backed his truck into one of the fire hydrants."

"Oh hell," I said, wincing. This was not going anywhere good. The desert sand around here was practically worthless when it came to absorbing water. "How bad?"

The whole site is under about half a foot of water at this point. The fire department should be there before us, but clean up is going to be a bitch."

"It's going to put the groundbreaking off, isn't it?"

"I can't see how it wouldn't. Not to mention there might be a lot of damage to the surrounding buildings. I think we should figure out a plan – divide and conquer, you know?"

I agreed, and we spent the rest of the drive figuring out where we would each focus out attention once we reached the park site.

It was past five o'clock by the time Mike and I returned to the paper. I was less than pleased with the condition of my shoes and pants, both of which were soaking wet and covered with mud.

"Good work, Swan," Mike said sincerely as I stepped out of his car. He looked down at the bottom half of my pants and winced. "Guess we've both got some laundry to do, huh?"

I scoffed. "You could say that. Just get your half of the article to me in two hours or less, ok? I'll put it together with mine and send the whole thing back to you for a recheck, then we'll get it off to Eric. We've got to have it to him by nine if we want to make the morning edition."

"Won't be a problem. I'll send it to Bree as soon as I do the recheck so that it can get up on the website. Breaking news and all..."

"Thanks Mike," I said. "See you Monday."

I shut the car door and walked, exhausted, over to the parking space closest to the front door where my mother was waiting for me. I fell into my seat and looked over at her. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Mom."

"I think you had a pretty good excuse," she said. "I was downtown getting some paint for my pottery at the art supply store when the accident happened. Got out of there as quick as I could!"

"I'm glad you were safe," I replied sincerely. "And thank you for letting me use your car."

"Sure, honey," she said as she reached out to turn up the volume on the radio as Brown Eyed Girl began to play. She smiled over at me and winked, and I returned her smile. My dad, the story goes, on the day that I came home from the hospital, held me in his arms all night while my mom slept, rocking in my Grandma Swan's favorite rocking chair and singing Brown Eyed Girl to me. He still sang it to me every time I saw him, and to this day, Charlie sing this song remained a favorite memory of my dad for both my mom and me.

We sang along to Van Morrison as we drove toward my mom's house. When the song ended, Renee looked over at me with a distant look in her eyes. It was the look that she got every time she thought of Charlie. "How's your dad doing?"

"He's good," I replied. "Just talked to him last week. He's been looking at a boat; I think he'll buy it."

Mom scrunched up her nose a bit. She'd always hated the water – it was probably the reason she'd picked Arizona as the place she ran away to when she left Charlie. "I'm sure he'll like that," she said thoughtfully. She was quiet for a minute, then suddenly snapped back into the present. "You be careful on your drive, Bella. Don't forget to be back by noon."

I agreed and got out of the car, walking around to the driver's side to take her place while she walked toward her front door. I waited until she entered the house to check the text that I'd gotten from Alice hours ago while I was covering the flooded park site.

_My mom is going to take the kids tomorrow morning. J and I will start driving from there, probably by 9, so we'll be at your place by 2. Sorry it's not any earlier, but it's the best I could do. We'll only be able to stay until 9 or 10 Sunday morning. But it's something._

I read her text, disappointed once again that we'd lost our whole weekend together, but glad that Alice had found a way for us to have some time, even if it wasn't nearly as much as I wanted.

_Sorry to reply so late. I got swamped. Literally. Will explain later. I'm so glad it worked out. I can't wait to see you, babe. You and J kiss each other for me._

An hour later, I was at the desk in my living room putting the finishing touches on the article about the accident at the park site. Once I had sent it to Mike, I took a quick look around. Really, my house was pretty much ready for company already – I had a tendency to compulsively clean when I was nervous, and I'd been full of nervous energy for weeks.

I sat back down on the couch when my phone rang, figuring I'd take a break to talk to whoever it was.

"Hey Vic!" I said, happy to hear from my best friend.

"You on the road?" she asked.

I sighed. "No," I replied, explaining to her what had happened with Rex. "Alice and Jasper are coming here tomorrow afternoon, but I have nothing to do tonight but look at the wall."

"I have nothing to do either," she said. "Pathetic, isn't it? We need lives." We both laughed. It was a common refrain between the two of us. "Wanna meet in the middle, get a hotel for the night and swim?"

I shrugged; it seemed like a good way to spend the evening. It was a short drive, and spending time with Vic was always fun. "Sure. Give me half an hour, ok? I have to wait for Mike to send this article back, then I can go. I'll get my stuff together while I'm waiting."

"Sounds great," she replied. "Meet you at the Embassy Suites – same one as usual, right?"

"Perfect," I agreed. "See you then!"

I gathered toiletries, my tankini from the summer before, some pjs and something to wear in the morning, and even managed to change the sheets on my bed while I waited for the sound of the email alert on my macbook to notify me that Mike had sent the article back. I looked it over one last time, and then, deciding that it was as ready to go as I was, forwarded the file on to Eric and shut down my macbook, carrying it and my overnight bag out to the car.

I sent two quick texts as I sat in my driveway, one to Jasper to let him and Alice know my plans for the night, and the second to Victoria, with a request that she pick up some Mike's Hard Lemonade on her way to the hotel. Once both messages were sent, I started driving.

I'd only been on the road a few minutes when my phone rang with the ringtone that I'd made the night before. I had a feeling it would be a good idea to change it – having Jasper singing as my ring tone really made me want to ignore the call and just continue listening to his sexy voice.

"Hi," I said, finally accepting his call.

"Hey you," he replied. "You on the road?"

"Yep. Going in the wrong direction, though. I wish I was only a few hours from your arms."

"Me too. But you'll have fun with Vic, right? And I'll be with you in twenty hours. That's not so bad."

"I know," I said, smiling despite myself. "I'm sorry that things didn't work out better."

"It's ok, sweetie. We still get to see each other; that's all that matters in the end."

I loved the way that we were each other's optimism.

"You're right. But... Jas? Can I ask you something?"

He agreed quickly, but I paused for a minute, nervous to bring up the subject. No matter how many times the two of them had reassured me, I couldn't silence the worry that things had gotten better too suddenly, too easily, and without any apparent reason. Alice had never talked to me about anything, never even actually said that we were back together (if we had ever really been apart). We'd gone from fighting to her calling me sweetie and acting like nothing had ever happened, and it left me feeling insecure.

"Is Alice really ok? I mean, with us being together?"

"We wouldn't be coming to your place tomorrow if she wasn't, would we?"

The answer seemed obvious when he put it that way, but it really didn't alleviate my worries.

"Yeah, but... We didn't talk about _anything_."

"That's how she works, baby," Jasper replied. "Alice has been through a lot in her life, and this is just the way that she deals with shit. It's frustrating, I know, and it probably left you feeling unbalanced and confused, right? Like you have no idea where you stand at any given moment."

He described the feeling perfectly. It was probably something he'd experienced a lot over the past ten or so years. I wondered how he could stand feeling this way all the time. There had to be some sort of explanation or reason for it all.

"But wouldn't it be easier if she just talked to us? So we'd know what was wrong and make sure it doesn't happen again?"

"You can beg her till you're blue in the face, sweetie, but she's not gonna budge. See, Ali's parents... Well, they were pretty fucked up, B. Her mom was awful to her. She's been telling Alice from the time that she was in grade school that she had not wanted another child, and would have had an abortion if it had been legal. She never paid any attention to her, unless it was to tell Ali how much her existence ruined her life.

"Her dad wasn't much better than her mom, really. He preferred her sister Cynthia and took her everywhere, leaving Ali home with her mother, and looked the other way when he _was_ at home, not doing anything to help his daughter. He left when Ali was twelve, leaving her _and_ Cynthia with the bitch, who had become a raging alcoholic - and I stress the raging. He didn't come back for three years, and by that time, Ali was doing drugs to deal with shit. The drugs were the excuse they gave when they put her in the mental hospital. They dropped her off, told the people whatever they told them, and then never showed up again. Ali was there until the day she turned eighteen, which is the day that Lauren convinced her to check herself out."

And now her relationship with bitchy Lauren made a little more sense. She had gotten her out.

"Anyway," he continued with a sigh, "Along the way, Alice learned that talking about what bothered her got her either screamed at or hit or whatever it was they did to her in that god awful place – she's never told me. So she quit talking. When she's upset, she hides herself away in her thoughts like it's her own world. I don't know what goes on in her head when she's going through her stuff, and believe me, I'd pay every penny I have to find out, but I've learned to accept the fact that she's never going to tell me."

I reached up to wipe away a tear. I'd known for awhile that Alice had been through a lot when she was younger, but I'd never known exactly what. My mother drove me crazy most of the time, and my dad lived far away and had always spent most of his time fishing, but I'd always known that they loved me. Hearing Alice's story reminded me that I hadn't had it so bad.

It also made me think about everything that had happened since the first night in Vegas. Maybe Alice was just scared, for whatever reason, and didn't think she could tell us. Maybe everything she'd done that had hurt me – and Jasper, for that matter – had just been Ali trying to protect herself.

I just wish she understood that she didn't have to protect herself from me. I loved her. Jasper loved her. All either of us wanted was to make her happy. I had to hope that, even though Jasper hadn't gotten through in all these years, having two people love her would finally prove to her that she was worth loving. Because I believed, despite everything, that she was.

"That's awful," I finally said, my voice quiet. My heart ached for Alice, for the pain she'd been through, the pain she couldn't share. "But if this is what she needs to do, I'll deal with it. I can be patient, for her. For us."

"Thank you, sweetie," he said warmly.

"You're sure everything is really ok?" I asked, just wanting him to reassure me one more time.

"That's what she tells me, Bella, and her actions seem to agree with it."

"So I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"Most definitely," he answered. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I can't wait."

"Me either. Now drive safely. I want you all in one piece tomorrow at 2 so I can have my way with you."

I laughed. "Will do, Jas. Have a good night. Let me know when you get on the road tomorrow."

I kissed him through the phone and we said goodbye, hanging up the phone with a lot of information swirling through my head. I really believed, though, that we could do it. We could make this work, and I could show my Alice what it felt like to be loved for real.

**A/N: I'm sorry if you did not get a review reply to the last chapter. Ffn was being rather uncooperative... Also, if you don't have me on Author Alert, you might not know that I'd posted a Peter/Charlotte oneshot two weeks ago. A humorous Charlie oneshot will be posted tomorrow, and Maria/Bella will be posting soon as well. I also have a new C/B short story coming this month, and a Darkward... Yeah, I've been busy! So check it out!**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'd love to hear if, now that you know a little more, your thoughts on Alice have changed.**

**Until next time... You know. **


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: The storyline is mine, but the characters belong to SM. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Many thanks to Karmabalance and JaspersBella for pre-reading and to B for always having been there when she was needed.**

_ I really believed, though, that we could do it. We could make this work, and I could show my Alice what it felt like to be loved for real._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 31**

I got to the hotel about ten minutes later than Victoria and found her waiting for me in the lobby. Seeing her standing with her back turned to me, I ran up behind her as quietly as I could and jumped, flinging myself onto her back as my arms and legs wrapped around her.

"Surprise!" I cried as she screamed in shock.

"Oh my god, Bella!" she shouted, as I her hands clutched her heart, which I knew was beating much more rapidly than usual.

A quick look over my shoulder at the woman working the front desk, who was giving us her best scowl, had me sliding right off of my friend's back. "Sorry," I muttered softly, cringing a little as I turned back to Victoria. "Did you check in already?"

"Yep, all set," she replied, holding up a key. "Room 231."

"Let's go then," I said with a grin, picking up the bags that I'd dropped on my way to greet her. Smiling back over my shoulder, I wished the scowling woman a good night and then followed Vic to the stairs.

Once we found our room and got our things settled in it, Vic and I changed into our bathing suits. I quickly texted Jasper to let him know I'd arrived safely, and then grabbed two towels out of the bathroom. We wrapped ourselves in them before making our way back to the stairs and then down to the pool. There was no need to watch the sighs – Vic and I knew where we were going in this hotel; we'd been meeting here often, usually once a month, ever since she moved to the city. It gave us a chance to hang out and relax when we didn't have a lot of extra time.

Leaving our towels draped across two lounge chairs, Vic and I sat down on the edge of the the pool and then used our arms to lower ourselves into the cool water of the pool. I shivered as the water lowered my own body temperature, and, in an effort to get used to the water faster, let my knees bend under me so that my head slipped under the water. Screaming underwater at the sudden coldness, I pushed up quickly off the bottom of the pool, popping my head back out of the water and shaking my hair out, splashing Victoria, who was tensed up as she tried to get used to the temperature, in the process.

"God damn it, Bella! You do that shit every time!" she cried out, pretending to be angry as she splashed me.

"Then why don't you ever get out of my way?" I asked, smirking with my victory.

She splashed me again. "Shut up." Turning her back on me, Vic walked across the pool toward the deeper water until it came up to her shoulders. "So," she said, turning back toward me with a smile. "I saw your tweet yesterday. I can't believe you finally told your dumb ass husband the truth."

"Yeah," I agreed with a nervous laugh. "I sure did."

"So come on, B. I'm gonna need more details that that!"

I followed her into the deeper water, grabbing one of the pool noodles and cradling it under my arms so that I could float effortlessly, and then told her the story of the phone call. "I was going to tell him that I thought we should get divorced, but he didn't give me the chance. He was supposed to call back today, but," I paused and looked up at the clock that hung on the wall near the door to the pool. "He's already in bed. He's not going to call today, I guess."

"What made you finally decide to do it?"

"It wasn't so much of a decision, really. I was just so angry... And then he asked. I just... It slipped."

"It was the right thing to do, though," she reminded. "You know that."

I sighed. "I'm not sure it was right. I'm not saying I regretted it, but I don't like the way it happened. I just..." I stopped, frowning as I traced circles in the water.

"Just what, B?" she asked, looking at me with concern in her eyes. "You don't love him. You're in love with someone else. I don't understand why this is so hard."

"I know you don't," I replied. "No one does. No one _can_, Vic. That's the thing. Everybody thinks they know what I 'should' do, or what the 'right' thing is. Not just about Edward, about Alice too. But until you've been inside the situation... It's not black and white."

Vic, clearly sensing my frustration, put her hand on my shoulder and patted it gently. "Very few things are, Bella."

I groaned and lifted my arms, letting myself slip off of the pool noodle and slide down under the surface of the water. I took the moment of solace that I found there in the chlorinated depths to gather my thoughts. I had to figure out how to explain to my best friend what was happening in my head. The only problem was, I barely understood myself.

Breaking the surface once again, I dove over the pool noodle so that I was holding it against my chest, and kicked my feet a bit to turn myself until I was facing Victoria. She smiled at me, but I read the concern in her expression easily.

"There's a million things that complicate my situation. Ssss. Situations," I corrected. "I'm done with Edward. No matter what. I can't go back to him, not now that I know... Now that I know what love feels like. I'd be settling. I don't want to do that. Not again."

"Ok," Vic replied, though it came out like a question, like she wasn't sure where I was going with this. "But?"

"But I didn't want to be a bitch about it. I know that you, and everyone else in the world, probably, think that I should be a bitch to him. That he deserves it. But that's not who I am, V. I'm a nice girl. I don't want to let him change that about me."

Victoria smiled. "Oh honey, he does deserve to be treated like shit. But I think it shows how good of a person you are that you don't want to treat him that way. Mind if I junk-punch him next time I see him, though? Unlike you, I don't have a problem being a bitch to the asshat."

Her smile turned into a smirk and I started to giggle, glad that I had such an awesome friend, and glad that she had lightened the mood.

"Ok, I'll divorce him, you dole out violence."

She laughed. "I like that plan. Now come on," she said, kicking her feet to propel her toward the steps of the pool. "I'm going to look like a raisin soon, and I'm willing to bet that our Mike's Lemonade is colder than this pool water by now."

Grinning, I followed her. "Right behind ya, V."

An few hours later, after Vic and I returned from an extra late breakfast-for-dinner at the Denny's near the hotel, we had settled on either bed into our pajamas, and my itunes was playing the 80s for us while we sipped our alcoholic lemonade.

Victoria smiled knowingly when I jumped at the sound of a text arriving on my phone.

"What?" I asked, my brow furrowed as I stretched, trying to reach the phone on the dresser across from my bed without falling off.

"You've got it bad," she laughed. "I'd bet my left pinky finger that text is from Jasper. Or at least that you expect it to be."

I made a face at her, knowing that she was right. I wasn't going to admit it, though. Not that she needed me to.

The text, in fact, _was_ from Jasper.

_Having fun with Vic?_

Tipping my Mike's bottle up to my lips, I smiled over at my friend. "Told ya," she said. I just kept smiling.

_We're having a great time. _

_ Glad to hear it. Don't have too much fun, though... ;)_

I snorted as I read his text. He, of course, knew about the hard time my mother had been giving me in terms of my "relationship" with my best friend, and I knew he was teasing me about it now.

_Oh yeah...You know it baby. _

_ Just make sure you get enough rest. We'll be there in about seventeen hours, and I don't plan on letting you rest much once I get there._

_ No need to worry about that. I'm going to make use of every second we have together. You'll be lucky if we make it to my bedroom – I might molest you as soon as we close the front door._

_ I won't argue if you do. Go have fun with V. I'm gonna sleep. See you tomorrow?_

_ I can't wait. -kisses- Remember..._

_ I do. And you remember too._

I set the phone down beside me and rolled my eyes at the sound of Victoria's soft giggling. I knew I was blushing and I couldn't stop it, no matter how hard I tried.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." I said, waving my hand at her as if telling her to bring it on. "I've got it bad. It's just..." With dreamy eyes, I fell back against my pillows, spilling a tiny bit of my alcohol in the process. "Shit," I mumbled, bringing my wrist up to my lips to lick the lemonade off. "Anyway... It's just... I _feel_ so much, V."

I turned my head to look at my friend, who had turned to lay on her side, elbow in hand, watching me. She held her other hand out in front of her as if telling me to stop. "Is this gonna be a TMI kind of conversation? Because if it is, I'm gonna need another drink."

"No," I said, shaking my head and giggling. "That wasn't the kind of feeling I was talking about. But get another drink. And get me one while you're at it."

I sat back up and drained the rest of my bottle, holding my hand out to take the new one from Vic as she passed.

"So what's all this about feeling things?" she asked when she sat back down on her bed, pulling a pillow under her arm for support.

I thought for a few moments, trying to think of how to explain what I meant. "When I lost the baby, and Edward said he was leaving," I began, keeping my eyes on the pattern on the quilt on my bed. What I was going to tell Vic wasn't easy to talk about or admit. "Things were hard. Really hard. I hurt all the time. I didn't want to get up out of bed."

"I remember," she said gently. "I was there."

I smiled. "I know. I think that, even then, I thought Edward was gone forever, even though I didn't know why. I thought he'd catch some horrible disease or be killed in tribal warfare or something. Whatever it was, though, I knew he wasn't coming back. So I had no husband and no baby. There were days that I wanted to just die."

I paused for a minute, taking a long gulp of lemonade as I tried to keep myself from crying. These memories hurt to think about.

"Anyway," I continued after a heavy sigh, "That's when my dad came down to stay with me. One look into his eyes and I knew that I had to get it together. My falling apart was hurting him, and I wanted to be better. So I... I don't know, built a wall, I guess."

"I know that feeling well," Vic said, nodding her head with understanding. "I have one of those walls too."

I smiled with sympathy. Vic and I had both been through a lot. As much as I hated that my best friend had been hurt so badly, I had to admit that it was kind of nice to have someone who understood.

"The problem with the wall is that, while it stopped me from feeling hurt, it also stopped me from feeling everything else. I haven't been happy or sad or... anything. I've just...been." I paused long enough to take another drink, still completely absorbed with the quilt I was laying on. "And then Jasper and Alice happened. And now... Now I feel _everything_."

"Yeah, but how much of that everything is hurt, B?" she asked. The way she asked, I knew that she actually wanted to know the answer, but she also wanted me to acknowledge the answer.

"A lot of it," I admitted. "And it's overwhelming. But so is the love, V. I feel like I'm drowning in it sometimes. Or like it's everything I want to pack for a trip and my heart is the suitcase that I'm trying so hard to shove it into. I can't even hold it all, it's just overflowing out of me."

Victoria was laughing now, so hard that she was clutching her sides. "I'm sorry," she said, between giggles. "I just have this image of bouncing on top of you and trying to zip you up!"

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head at her. "Do you have any idea how much my mother would love to hear you talk about bouncing on me? God..." I let my face fall into the pillows as I laughed right along with her.

It took a few minutes, thanks to all the Mike's lemonade we'd consumed, to calm ourselves out of the giggle fits. Finally, Victoria looked at me with a very serious expression.

"Just tell me one thing. Is it worth it?"

I didn't even hesitate. "Completely," I said with a soft sigh. "Feeling this much love is... It's extraordinary, babe." I shook my head for a minute before giving my attention to peeling the label off of my bottle. "And I'm so afraid that when I lose them, I'll lose the ability to feel too."

Vic got up and walked over to my bed, sitting down beside me. She took the empty bottle out of my hand and set it on the nightstand, then wrapped her arms around me. "No matter what happens, Bella, I'll be right there with you." She brushed away the tear that was falling down my cheek and pulled me down to lay beside her. "Come on, you need some rest."

I laid down beside her, finding comfort in her closeness. "Thank you, Vic. You're the best friend I've ever had."

She squeezed my hand. "That goes both ways. Night, B."

I drifted off to sleep a few minutes later.

The next morning, B and I woke up with the obnoxious blare of my iphone alarm, which was immediately snoozed, but replaced less than five minutes later by the ringing of the hotel phone. Answering it with a rough-voiced mumble of hello, I was invited down to breakfast in the hotel restaurant by a woman who was entirely to chipper at... 9 am.

"Rolling over to face Vic, who was still beside me in the bed, I grumbled, "Breakfast," and was met with a long moan. Knowing how she operated, I dragged myself out of bed and went into the bathroom. After a long, hot shower, during which my legs and all other important body parts were shaved and washed with my favorite scent of body wash, I dried myself off and went to wake Vic a second time.

My best friend got up and dressed while I did my hair and makeup, and then the two of us made our way downstairs for breakfast. The Embassy Suites had a fabulous buffet in the mornings – another reason we had made it our hotel of choice – and we both filled our plates before choosing a table by the little pond that they kept killed with the largest goldfish I'd ever seen.

We were immersed in a discussion, held between bites, of a story that she loved and I hated when the text alert sounded on my phone. I reached into my purse and saw it was a message from Jasper. My face fell as I read the message.

_Ok, I have something to discuss with you. Alice isn't feeling great. She wants me to come see you by myself. _

I read the message out loud to Victoria after reading it twice myself. I wanted to see Jasper so much, but this didn't sit right with me. Victoria was quick to agree.

"I know you're disappointed, but that doesn't sound like a very good idea. I think you should tell him no. Just wait until everyone can be together."

"I was thinking the same thing," I said with a sigh, typing a message back to Jasper at the same time.

_I don't think we should... I really want to see you both, and it feels like that's unfair to Ali. I'm so sorry, J. I really want to see you, but I think we should wait._

I was almost in tears by the time I hit send. I guess the car trouble or the flood in downtown Pleasant Valley or my mom not being able to let me use her car should have been signs for me that this weekend was a bad idea. But I'd wanted it so badly...

_Ali says she really wants me to go. Says she'll feel worse if I don't._

Vic just shook her head at me, being the brains on this occasion since she knew that my heart desperately wanted me to say yes to him. She reached across the table and patted my hand. "We can stay here another night if you want, B, or go to your place. But you know this is a bad idea."

I did know that. Even though I wished I could pull out a Zippo and set our Constitution, which completely forbid Jasper and I having a weekend just the two of us, on fire, I knew that it was a bad idea.

_I'm sorry, J. Maybe I can come out the weekend after next. It's far away, which sucks, but it'd be all of us..._

Pushing my French toast away, I was too disappointed to be hungry anymore. I discussed the issue hypothetically with Victoria while I waited for his reply, but I wasn't really sure why I bothered. I already knew that we couldn't do it.

A few minutes and several disappointed sighs later, I was standing over the bridge that crossed the goldfish pond when my alert went off again, startling me so much that I nearly dropped my phone into the water.

_We're both coming. Ali said she's going to take some Dayquil and hope that she feels better when we get to your place. See you in a few hours baby._

I was shocked, to say the least. I had already resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't seeing them this weekend. And as much as his text made me happy, it also made me feel guilty.

_I don't want Ali to feel like she has to do this. If she's not up to coming, you guys should stay home. Otherwise it won't be worth the trip anyway._

The reply came from Alice instead of Jasper.

_We're coming, B. Just be there in time to let us in._

Apparently, the discussion was over.

_Alright, babe. See you then._

I walked back over to the table where Victoria was still eating her eggs and told her the news. She looked slightly cautious, but said that she was glad things were working out. I sat with her while she finished her breakfast, and then we went back up to the room and hung out for awhile before we had to gather our things and pack our overnight bags.

We said goodbye to each other in the parking lot and after one last tight hug, I climbed into my mom's car and headed for home.

I got back to my house with only thirty minutes to spare, according to the last update text of Jasper's from the road. Rushing inside, I threw my overnight bag in the closet and quickly pulled the sheets off my bed, running them down the hall and tossing them into the washing machine in case we needed an extra set to be clean later on. Then I took the black set down from the shelf in the linen closet and went back to my room to put them on the bed.

I barely had time to change my clothes – I wanted to put on prettier panties – before Jasper texted that he was turning down my street.

I pulled my jeans back on as quickly as I could and jogged down the hall, trying to control the grin that was taking over my face at the thought that I was only seconds away from being in their arms.

I heard Jasper's engine turn off and opened my front door, sliding on a pair of flip flops so that I could run out to greet my lovers.

I probably should have waited until they got into the house, but it had been too long, and too much had happened, since I'd last touched them. I just couldn't wait.

He'd parked on the street in front of my house, so Ali was the closer to me of the two of them. Walking as quickly as I could while still being able to say I was actually walking, I approached the truck as she got out of it.

"Hey Ali," I called out with hope and excitement, a wide grin spread across my lips. I was just starting to raise my arms to embrace her when I saw the look on her face and thought better of it.

She walked right by me, almost as if I didn't even exist, heading for my front door. I turned to Jasper, who by now had rounded the tailgate of the truck, my brow furrowed in confusion. He just shrugged.

I waited for him to reach me, and then the two of us walked toward my front door, which had just closed behind Alice, the tips of our fingers grazing each other the whole way.

When we entered the house, I turned, raising up on my tip toes, and brushed my lips across his. "Glad you made it," I whispered.

His hands gently held my waist as he kissed me back softly. "Me too."

I licked my lips and smiled at him. "Let's go say hi to Ali," I said softly, hoping that her reaction outside had been caused by worry about the neighbors seeing too much or even an urgent need to use my bathroom.

Keeping hold of Jasper's fingertips with my own, I led him into the living room, where we found Alice laying in my armchair, the footrest pulled up and her back to us. Again, I turned to Jasper for answers, and again, he had none.

I couldn't deny the hurt in my heart, but tried to prevent it from showing on my face. I let go of Jasper's hand and walked over to the chair where Alice was reclining. I leaned down over her shoulder and placed a soft kiss on her temple. "Are you ok, baby?" I whispered.

"I'm fine," she replied tersely.

Feeling like I was doing nothing to improve the situation, I stepped away from the chair and backed up all the way to the couch, where I sat down beside Jasper. He immediately wrapped his arm around my waist and held me too him, and I leaned into his touch, resting my cheek against his chest. I could hear his heart beating, and wondered if the whole visit was going to remain this awkward.

"Just act normal, you guys," came Alice's half-muffled voice from the chair.

She couldn't see me, but I was staring wide-eyed at her back. _Normal?_

**A/N: Looks like it's going to be an interesting visit, don't you think? Again, if you did not get a review reply this week, please forgive me. Ffn is not letting me do them except through PM. I do read and enjoy every one, though. I'd love to hear what you thought of this one. **

**Until next time. You know...**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: SM owns the characters, but the storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to Karmabalance and JaspersBella, for all their help and encouragement.**

**A quick note, I know a lot of you are feeling frustrated with Alice and maybe Bella for putting up with it too. Let me assure you that the next few chapters represent a turning point in the story, and you'll see that there's been a purpose to all of this. I'm trying to keep these characters real, and like Bella was trying to say last chapter, it's easy to see the right decision from the outside, but it's not always easy to make it when you're in the situation. These three are going to screw up, time and again. They're flawed, it's what they do. Also, keep in mind that we're 32 chapters in, but this story has only covered about 5 weeks of actual time. This relationship is still new and they're trying to figure out if they can make it work, and even if they want to.**

**That's it from me. Enjoy the chapter.**

_ "Just act normal, you guys," came Alice's half-muffled voice from the chair._

_ She couldn't see me, but I was staring wide-eyed at her back. Normal?_

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 32**

I turned my head toward Jasper, my brow furrowed in confusion, and saw that his expression matched mine. Looking into his eyes, I tried, without words, to ask him what in the hell was going on with his wife. He shrugged, his deep brown eyes conveying his apologies.

Feeling more awkward than I ever had with these two, which was really saying something, I stood up and walked over to Alice's chair, resting my hand on her shoulder. I waited a minute, but got no response or acknowledgement of any kind, so I moved my hand up to her hair, stroking it gently with my fingers.

"Can I get you some juice or some medicine or something?" I asked, genuinely concerned. I had been under the impression that she had been getting better over the course of the past few days, but she certainly didn't appear to be feeling well right now.

"I already took some," she said tersely. "I just want to sleep now. Go have fun with Jasper."

Looking at Jasper over my shoulder, I silently begged for help. Was she seriously suggesting that Jasper and I go down to my bedroom and have sex while she laid out here sick? He looked as uncomfortable and confused as I did.

Not knowing what else to do, I stayed where I was, running my fingers through Alice's hair and not saying a word.

It was Alice who finally broke the deafening silence a few minutes later. "You guys," she said, sounding irritated. "Just go."

"Ali, we're fine," Jasper said from behind me. "We'll just watch a movie or something."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Why don't you go lay down in my bed and get some sleep? We'll hang out in here."

Finally turning in her chair enough to face us, Alice glared. "Go," she demanded. "Go fuck. You know you want to, and you're just going to annoy me if you stay here."

She rolled back over, facing the window again, as soon as she stopped speaking. I dropped the hand that had been stroking her hair moments before, but now hovered awkwardly in the air, to my side, and stepped away from Alice. Being this close to her with _that_ expression on her face was making me wish that I was anywhere else.

Walking back to the couch and sitting down, I put my head in my hands. Alice and Jasper had been here for less than fifteen minutes and the visit was already a disaster. I couldn't understand why Alice had decided to come after all if she was feeling this poorly. I would have rather rescheduled and had to miss them for another two weeks than see them and have it blow up in my face.

Suddenly, Jasper's warm hand came to rest on the center of my back. I'd been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't even realized that he'd sat down beside me. "Come on, baby," he said softly into my ear. "Let's go down to your room and give Ali the space she wants."

Turning to look at him with tears in my eyes, I asked if he was sure it was a good idea.

"No," he replied honestly, before shrugging his shoulders. "But it's what she wants."

Jasper rose off the couch and offered me his hand, pulling me up. He slipped his arm around my waist and the two of us walked together down the hall.

When we got into my room, I looked up at him, and then back toward the door, silently asking whether we should close it or not.

"Let's leave it open," he said, sounding unsure. "I feel weird about closing her out, even if she isn't in here with us."

I agreed, and then slipped my hands in my pockets as I stood awkwardly in front of him, not knowing how to proceed. Honestly, I didn't even want to have sex with him right now, with or without Alice's permission. It just felt too weird.

Pulling my hand out of my pocket and taking it in his, he led me over to the bed. We sat down on the edge, facing each other.

"I'm sorry his weekend isn't going as planned," he said softly, stroking my knuckles gently with his thumb.

Sighing, I offered him a wry smile. "Not your fault," I replied. "I just hope she starts feeling better soon."

"Me too," he agreed as he scooted up the mattress toward my pillows. When he got settled, he opened his arms to me. "Come here."

I crawled to him, laying down beside him, my body turned toward him and my head nestled in the crook of his arm. _My spot._ Slipping my arm around his waist, I snugged in closer, breathing in his scent with a soft sigh and letting it wash over me. I had no explanation for the scent, no idea what it was that he smelled _like_, but I loved it.

"I'm glad you're here," I whispered. And despite everything, it was the truth. Lying there in his arms, his breath warm on my forehead and the steady thumping of his heart in my ear, it was easy to forget everything else.

"Me too," he agreed as he placed a light kiss on my hairline. "I missed you."

I leaned back a bit so that I could look at him, then reached up to cup his cheek. "I was afraid we'd never be back here," I admitted.

"I know." He was so close to me as he spoke that I could feel the words on my lips just before he covered them with his own.

It was a slow kiss, not the desperate, needy, hungry kisses that I'd expected us to share when they parked their car in front of my house, but instead the kind that showed our desire to be connected, to feel the emotions that flowed between the two of us. It was gentle, but perfect, and I felt myself disappearing from the real world into a place where only the two of us and this kiss existed. His hand slid up my back and weaved itself into my hair, his fingertips gently massaging my scalp, as my thumb stroked his cheek. It was the first time we'd really kissed since admitting our feelings to each other, and if there was any doubt before that we'd meant our declarations of love, those doubts died in this kiss.

When we finally pulled apart, I smiled into his shoulder and sank back down into my spot in the crook of his arm. We laid there quietly for a few minutes, his fingers still combing through my hair. I slid my top hand under the hem of his shirt and let my fingertips graze his lower back.

"So, how's the guitar going?" he asked.

I pulled my left hand out from underneath him and held it up so that he could see my fingers. The skin on the pad of each fingertip was dry and scaly-looking from the callouses that had already begun to form, and each finger had a thin indentation from where I had pressed the strings too hard or too often.

"Oh my god, Bella!" he exclaimed, laughing as he kissed each of my still-very-tender fingers. "I don't think you're doing it right."

"How many ways are there to press a string down?" I asked. Then I looked into his eyes through the hair that was hanging down over mine and gave him a coy smile. "Maybe if I had someone to show me how to do it right..."

"My guitar is in the living room. I could go get it if you want..."

I thought about it for a second. Part of me was really excited about the idea of him teaching me something, but the other part of me was nervous. He was such an amazing musician, and I barely had a clue what I was doing. I didn't want to look ridiculous in front of him. One look at the twinkle in his eyes, however, was all it took.

"Yeah," I said with a smile. "Go get it."

Just as Jasper made the move to get up, though, we both jumped with surprise at the feeling of Alice's hands on our thighs.

"I can't believe you haven't gotten started yet," she murmured as her hands made their way up toward our hips. "I told you not to wait for me."

I would have stared at her in confusion, or asked her what in the hell had caused such a turnaround, or even checked my own temperature to make sure I wasn't hallucinating with fever, but Alice's hand was sliding over my abdomen under my shirt and I couldn't form words.

"We were going to play guitar," I whimpered in a high-pitched voice as she pushed my bra up over my breasts and began teasing my nipple. I turned my eyes to Jasper, whose breaths were coming heavier as his desire grew.

She'd pushed my shirt up out of her way by this time, and I could feel her hot breath on my belly and her breasts pressing against my hips. "Maybe you'd prefer I left you to your lesson?" she asked, making her voice sound innocent.

"You stay right where you are," Jasper said gruffly, grabbing her hips from behind.

I looked over Alice's shoulder and caught his eyes, now hooded with lust, and smiled. He nodded and smiled back. Our weekend was back on track.

Returning my eyes to Alice, I reached out for her. "Kiss me," I commanded.

She stretched herself across my body, letting her weight settle over me, and then gave me what I wanted. Unlike the kiss I'd shared with Jasper earlier, this one was all about desire and lust. Her elbows were propping her up and her hands pulling at my hair until Jasper lifted them in his effort to remove her shirt.

My hands met his over her bare breasts while her shirt dangled from her neck, unable to be removed because she refused to break contact with my lips. Alice moaned into my mouth as Jasper teased her breasts, and my hands slid down her naked torso in search of the top of her yoga pants, shoving them down as soon as I found them.

As soon as she pulled back from my lips to breathe, Jasper finished removing her shirt and pulled his own over his head as well. He reached down again and cupped Alice's breasts in his hands, and I licked my lips as I watched him give them a squeeze as he pulled her up onto her knees and back against his bare chest. With her body no longer pinning me down, I scooted up on the bed and got on my knees, looking at my lovers hungrily as I slowly removed my top.

I looked at Alice and smirked. "I'm glad you're feeling better, baby. But I'm thinking there's still room for improvement."

With a conspiratorial look at Jasper, he moved his hands so that he was holding Alice's breasts up for me, and I smiled as I approached slowly, moving on my knees across the bed. When I reached her, I looked her in the eye. "Thank you for coming," I whispered into her ear as I pressed our bodies together.

After one kiss on her neck, I reached around her, letting my hands trace the muscles of Jasper's torso as I lowered myself enough to pull one of Alice's nipples into my mouth. She arched into me as I circled her nipple with my tongue, and I looked up at the sound of Jasper's groan to see that she had reached behind her and was tugging on his hair as he kissed her neck.

As I licked and sucked her nipples, my fingers worked at a feverish pace to get her pants and undies as far down her legs as I could reach. With the fabric out of my way, I let my finger ghost over her slit, making her shiver.

"Mmmm...I love the way you touch me, baby," she moaned. "But Jasper is going to get jealous. I think you need to be in the middle."

Part of me wanted to stay where I was, keeping Alice the center of attention, showing her how much we wanted her there with us. But the other part of me really wanted Jasper's hands on me too.

"That sound good to you, baby?" I asked, looking over her shoulder at Jasper while my fingers continued to tease Alice.

"Get over here," he commanded as he rose up off of the bed, unbuttoning his jeans as he went.

I used the time he was spending undressing to kiss Alice again, letting my tongue creep into her mouth and explore it. She reached around me and unhooked my bra as our tongues swirled around each other, and I let the straps slip off my arms when I finally pulled away from our kiss.

Almost exactly like our first night together, I'd barely gotten a chance to catch my breath before Jasper's lips closed over mine. He pulled me to the edge of the bed and kissed me deeply as he fumbled with the button and zipper of my jeans. When he had them open, he ignored my pants completely and wrapped his arms around me, flattening his palms against my back and holding me against him. We moaned together as the passion of the kiss consumed us. I was so lost in him that I was surprised to find out, when Jasper leaned against me, pushing me down so that my back was on the bed, that Alice had already pulled my jeans off.

My legs were still dangling over the edge of the bed, and Jasper picked up a knee in each hand and held them up near his hips. "Do you want to taste Ali, baby?" he asked, raising a brow at me and then licking his lips as he looked over at his wife, who was on her knees on the bed just to my left.

"Oh fuck yes," I breathed, reaching my hand out to her. "Come here, babe."

I grabbed Ali's thighs as she positioned herself on her knees, hovering above my face, facing her husband, and pulled her down toward me. Just as my tongue found her sensitive skin, Jasper's tongue found mine. I groaned long and low against her as his tongue licked a slow line up and then circled my clit.

_God, he's good with his tongue!  
_ Ali's head rolled back on her shoulders, her long hair tickling my forehead, as I entered her with my tongue, her low, raspy moan of my name encouraging me to let my fingers join the action, rubbing over her clit and earning me even more of her sounds.

"Fuck, you two are so damn hot together," Jasper breathed as pulled away from me. I gave him a moan of appreciation, and then another as I felt the head of his cock as he used it to tease my slit.

I could feel Ali leaning forward over me, and, though I couldn't see what they were doing, I could tell by the sounds that they were kissing. I closed my eyes and shivered with desire.

Ali let out a satisfied-sounding moan, and Jasper chuckled. "She tastes good, doesn't she?"

"Oh yeah," she breathed as I realized that she'd tasted me on Jasper's tongue. "Fuck her now, baby. She's earning it."

Instead of doing as he was told, Jasper continued to tease, rubbing himself against me in a way that was making me squirm with need. I was ready to beg when Alice spoke again.

"Oh god, Bella," she moaned. "Mmm... Tell him how much you want him, babe. Tell him that you want his dick in you."

Pulling my mouth away from her pussy, I sucked in a deep breath and pushed my hips up toward Jasper. "Please, Jas," I pleaded, too desperate to say any more.

This time, he complied. After one more teasing swipe over my folds, Jasper pushed into me, filling me in one thrust. I groaned deeply and dug my nails into Ali's thighs as I pulled her back down against my face.

"Fuck," she moaned, covering my hands with hers and squeezing as Jasper began to move. "God, Bella... I wish you could see how his dick looks sliding in and out of you."

Jasper thrust even harder at her words, his thighs slapping against my ass sharply, making the most delicious sounds every time he filled me. Doubling my efforts with my tongue, I locked my ankles behind Jasper's back, needing a way to ground myself and stay in place as the force of his hips continued to try to force me across the mattress.

Not being able to see him was both pleasure and torture at once. I had no idea what to expect, and was constantly surprised by him changing his angle or grinding himself against me. At the same time, though, I missed his eyes. I needed the contact with him, so I let go of Alice's leg with one hand and reached out for him. He took my extended hand in his and twined our fingers together, resting them on my hip.

Alice's dirty talk continued, but it was now punctuated by pants and moans as she began to squirm and writhe above me. "You love the way she feels, don't you, baby?" she asked him. "I bet her pussy is holding you tight."

"So...good," he groaned. "Tell me, Ali...tell me how she feels."

"Her mouth is so good, Jasper," she cried out as I sucked on her clit. "Oh god! I know you're making her feel good... I can feel it in the way she's...Oh fuck...Bella, god!" I slid the hand that was still on Alice's thigh down between her legs and rubbed her hard, knowing she was close. Her words turned into nonsense sounds, and it only took seconds before she was thrashing about above me.

I licked her slowly as she came down from her high, then let my head fall back against the mattress, giving all my focus to the way that Jasper was making me feel. Raising her knee and setting it down on the other side of my head, Alice climbed off of me and settled on the bed beside me.

"You want a turn with him?" I asked through pants.

"No," she replied. "I want to watch you."

I nodded and reached out for Jasper, wanting to feel his body against me now that there was more room. Without removing himself from inside of me, he climbed up into the bed, pushing me back across the mattress as he did. On his knees with my legs still wrapped around him, he took the hand of mine that was twined with his and moved them up onto the mattress over my shoulder, leaning his body down closer to mine to that he could reach.

Looking into my eyes, he started thrusting again, slower than before, but just as hard. I reached up with my free hand and held him around the neck, pressing my fingertips so hard against his skin that I had no doubt I'd leave marks. I pulled him down toward me, bringing his lips to mine, and we shared a searing kiss while he ground his hips against me in slow circles.

I pulled back from the kiss gasping for air, my chest heaving against his as the tension within me built. "God, Jasper..." I panted. I let my hand slide down his neck, tracing the line of his spine, feeling droplets of sweat rolling down his skin under my fingertips. Lifting my head off the mattress, I took my mouth to his neck and licked a long, slow line up toward his ear, tasting the salty flavor of his skin and loving the noises it brought from him.

"It's so fucking hot watching you two," Alice whimpered from beside me. I turned my head and smiled as I saw that she was staring at us in a lusty haze while she fucked herself with her fingers. "You're so good together...the way you fit...oh fuck."

Her words turned me on and terrified me at the same time. Wanting to reassure her that she was a part of it too, I took my hand off of Jasper's back and reached out to her, taking her nipple between my fingers and tugging on it, making he back arch toward me.

"Mmmm," she moaned. "There's that flush I love..." She reached over and ghosted her hand across my chest. "See it, Jasper? Look what you're doing to her."

"I see," he groaned as his arms began to tremble. "Fuck, Bella... oh..."

He was about to come, and I was ready for it. I let go of the lip I'd been biting while I'd tried to hold back, no longer fighting the whimpers and whines as my body surrendered to the pleasure, my back arching high off the bed as my whole body reached for him.

The three of us came simultaneously, Alice's hand trapped between Jasper's chest and mine as we pressed into each other, the hard shudders of Jasper's shoulders shaking us all. Alice's quivering cries, Jasper's low growl, and my breathy whimpers melded into a single chord, and then the three of us collapsed, spent, in a pile on my black sheets.

We laid there for a minute of two, Jasper's head resting on my chest, our hands still joined near my shoulder and his other arm lying across Alice's belly, before Alice began to move. She slid out from under Jasper's arm and then scooted to the end of the bed. Jas and I both turned onto our sides and watched her as she rose from the bed, both of us, I'm sure, wondering where she was going.

"I have to go to the bathroom," she said, her voice having an odd, dream-like tone to it, as if she had predicted the question I was just about to ask.

Jasper jumped up and I gasped as Alice, standing between my bed and the vanity, began to sway precariously. Luckily, she reached out and grabbed onto one of my bed posters, saving herself from falling. Jasper was by her side a second later, his hands on her waist to steady her.

"Alice, what's wrong? Are you ok?" he asked, his voice full of the concern that I was feeling too.

She looked a little dazed, and my heart was in my throat, wondering just how sick she really was. I'd thought she just had a cold.

"Yeah," she said, blinking rapidly. "I'm fine. Maybe I should sit back down."

I sat up on the bed, pulling the sheet up to cover myself before reaching for a pillow for Alice. "Here, babe," I said. "Lie down."

"I'm fine," she replied, waving away the pillow. "I just got a little lightheaded when I stood up is all."

Jasper furrowed his brow, looking as though he was trying to remember something, and then put his hand on Ali's shoulder. "Have you eaten anything today?"

Alice shook her head. "No," she replied. "Maybe I should now."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea," I said, still a bit freaked out by the way she'd swayed in front of us. We needed to get food in her soon, but I was pretty low on groceries. "Let's get dressed. I'll take you guys to Smiley's – it's a diner-type place. They have ice cream too."

"Sounds like a plan. Come on, Ali," Jasper said, helping her up off the bed. "Let me help you get dressed."

**A/N: I'd love to hear what you thought of the chapter.**

**Until next time. You know...**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: SM owns the characters, but the plot is my own. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks is owed to Karmabalance and JaspersBella and GGTwinMom06, for pre-reading. Sorry about the lack of review replies...FFn was being a punk still and I was a little off my game due to some really bad news in RL. I did read and appreciate every review, though. They brought smiles during some really rough times, actually. So thank you.**

**On to the chapter. I've been dying to write this chapter for months. I hope you'll enjoy. **

_ "Yeah, I think that's a good idea," I said, still a bit freaked out by the way she'd swayed in front of us. We needed to get food in her soon, but I was pretty low on groceries. "Let's get dressed. I'll take you guys to Smiley's – it's a diner-type place. They have ice cream too."_

_ "Sounds like a plan. Come on, Ali," Jasper said, helping her up off the bed. "Let me help you get dressed."_

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 33**

I drove the three of us to Smiley's like a chauffeur, making Jasper sit in the backseat beside Alice so that he could keep an eye on her. I was on edge the whole drive, worried that she was going to pass out or something and we'd end up spending the night in the emergency room at Paradise Valley Hospital.

I was relieved to arrive at the diner without incident, and walked in ahead of Jasper, who was supporting Alice as she walked, to get a table ready for the three of us. The hostess showed me to a booth, and I slid into the side facing the door and waited. A minute later, Alice and Jasper approached.

"Sit beside her," Alice instructed as she sat down opposite me in the booth. Jasper hesitated for a moment, probably wondering, like I was, whether it was safe to leave her alone, even if it was just the other side of the table, but then did as she asked, taking his place beside me.

The three of us looked over the menus while we waited for our waitress, and then placed our orders, specifically requesting a Mountain Dew for Alice to pump some sugar into her system immediately while we waited on the food.

It took about ten minutes for our waitress to return to the table with our dinner, and each minute that passed brought with it an increase in my desire. Sitting so close to Jasper in public was a lesson in control. He was like an addiction - I don't know what it was about him, but I found myself in a condition of nearly constant arousal when he was around. He satisfied me over and over, yet I always wanted more. More of his lips, his tongue, his touches... More of him.

Trying not to be obvious about it, I rubbed my knee against his thigh under the table, biting my lip every time I caught him looking at me from the corner of my eye. I moved closer a centimeter at a time, until I was close enough to smell his unique scent. I felt his eyes on me every time I lifted my glass to take a drink of my root beer, so I made sure to tease him by licking my lips before and after each sip. By the time our sandwiches arrived at the table, I had looped my wrist around Jasper's arm and was casually grazing his skin with my fingertips.

Trying to ignore the the sexual tension that had been building between us, Jasper and I kept watch over Alice as she ate, both of us wanting to ensure that she took in enough to prevent another round of wooziness.

"You two have exactly the same eyes," she said out of the blue, halfway though her meal. Jasper and I looked at each other, slightly panicked. It was an odd comment to make, and I was terrified of where it was leading. "What?" she asked, sounding perplexed, like she couldn't understand why we were having such a reaction to what she seemed to think was a completely casual remark. "You do. They're just alike. It's like you were made for each other."

She left the words hovering there, over our table, and went back to her sandwich as if she had just commented on the weather. I, on the other hand, set my food back down on my plate and stared at her, waiting for some sort of explanation.

But just like every other explanation I'd ever wanted from her, this one never came. Ten minutes later she was asking the waitress for our check, saying that it was getting late and she needed to rest. Though my foot had continued to gently rub against Jasper's calf, we'd both been lost in our thoughts and completed our meal in silence.

"You two are really jumpy," Alice said as we stood up from the booth after Jasper signed the credit card receipt. "You should really calm down."

"I... I just..." I paused, sighing and looking at her with a very serious expression. "Ali, are you ok?" I asked.

"I'm fine," she said, as if I had just asked a ridiculous question. "Maybe I should ask you two the same thing. Geez, I make one comment about your eyes and you act like I predicted the end of the world or something." She shook her head, laughing. "Come on, let's go home."

Jasper looked at me, concerned, then turned back to his wife. "I was just confused about why you said what you said."

Alice shrugged. "I'm just observant," she said, smiling as she walked out the door that he was holding open.

As we walked to the car, I tried to smile and stop obsessing over what was going on in her head.

After a short drive, I pulled into my driveway. As I got out of the car, I tried to hide the fact that my breaths were coming a bit heavier than usual and my whole body was humming with desire. It wasn't my fault, though – the blame laid entirely on Jasper, who had sung along to Times Like These by the Foo Fighters when it came on the radio a few blocks from my house. I couldn't be held responsible - I had no control over my reactions to his singing voice.

Alice seemed steady on her feet again, and I was desperately hoping that her comment to the waitress about it being late was really code for wanting to get the three of us home and naked. As I slipped the key into the lock on my front door, Jasper's hand came to rest on the small of my back, sending tingles through my body, radiating out from the warmth of his hand. I could tell, by the pressure coming from his fingertips, urging me forward, that he wanted to get to my bedroom as badly as I did.

It seemed to take forever, but I finally got the door opened, and the three of us walked inside. Jasper and I turned toward each other as Alice closed the door behind us, and he reached out, taking me by the waist and pulling me into him.

"You're killing me," he murmured just before pressing his lips against mine. I would have told him that the feeling was entirely mutual, but I decided that kissing him back was the more appealing option, after all, I'd be desperate to do exactly that for over an hour. He moaned softly as my fingers wound into his short hair, and I wondered why Alice hadn't joined us yet.

"I'm gonna turn in now," she said, causing us both to pull away from the kiss suddenly. "If I don't get some rest, I'm never going to feel better. I'll sleep out here in the chair." She walked over and kissed us both on the cheek. "Good night."

Jasper and I stared at her, still holding on to each other, as she walked to the other side of the living room and switched off the light, leaving us in the dark while she climbed into the chair and covered herself with the blanket. We stood here in silence for a minute before accepting the fact that we had been dismissed.

As our eyes adjusted to the darkness, we turned our faces back toward each other, the need still palpable between us. His eyes flitted from my eyes to my lips, then back again, and I nodded.

"Let's go."

Hand in hand, we made our way down the hall to my bedroom, his thumb stroking the inside of my wrist as we walked, raising the hair on my arms. We were halfway between the door of my room and my bed when he stopped and slipped our joined hands around my waist, pulling me into him. The lights were on in my closet, giving the room a soft glow, and I could see the smile playing at his lips as he looked into my eyes.

He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. His free hand came up to my cheek, letting his fingers and thumb graze over it slowly before combing it through my hair, pushing it away from my eyes. From the second that his fingertips reached my skin, I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes and parting my lips as he caressed my face so tenderly. Such a soft, simple touch, but I felt it everywhere.

His hand reached the back of my head and curved around it, sliding down over my neck. With his hand resting where my neck and shoulders met and his thumb stroking my throat, he finally brought his lips to mine.

Every kiss in my life had led to this one, I was sure. Our lips moved together, pressed firmly against each other, searching for more with each pass. With a soft moan, he slipped his tongue past my parted lips, delving into my mouth to find it's partner. As the kiss deepened, I reached for him with my free hand, grabbing the loose fabric of his tee shirt behind his shoulder and holding it tightly as I desperately tried to pull myself further into him. The kiss consumed me, enflamed me, blinded me. There was nothing else in the world now. I no longer existed, nor did he. There was only _us_.

We finally pulled away, our eyes reopening as we stared at each other for a moment, both of us panting. He released my hand and began to lift my shirt from the hem, pulling it up and over my head.

"I need you," he whispered in a low, gravely tone.

"Like air," I replied breathlessly, unbuckling his belt.

Our lips met again, hungry this time, desperate not to be the only parts of our bodies to touch as we scrambled to undress each other as quickly as possible. We separated just long enough to give me the space to remove his shirt, then immediately returned to the kiss, our hands now moving in swirls over each other's backs as we stood in the middle of the fabric that had pooled at our feet.

"Bed," I murmured against his lips.

With his hands on my back offering support and security, I moved backwards, never breaking our kiss as he walked us toward my bed. When the back of my thighs bumped against the mattress, Jasper continued his forward motion, leaning against me, making me bend at the waist as my back got nearer and nearer to the mattress until I was finally laying against it.

He reached down and slipped his hands under my ass, lifting me, pushing me further up the mattress so that I as all the way in the bed, then crawled over me, his knees on either side of my thighs and his cock resting on my belly.

He brought his fingers up to his lips and kissed them, then reached out to me and placed his fingers over my own lips. His eyes burned into me as he started sliding his fingers down toward my chin, pulling my lower lip down slightly in the process until it bounced back on it's own. I tilted my chin up, exposing my neck to him as he trailed his slightly wet fingertips down over my flesh. I shivered at the trail of fire they left as they crossed over my throat and onto my chest.

"So beautiful," he whispered as his fingers passed, with the most agonizingly pleasurable slowness, through the valley between my breasts. Never had I felt so treasured, so revered, so wanted.

Finally breaking eye contact, he leaned down over me and began kissing my neck and collarbone with gentle, parted lips. He traced the curves of my sides with open palms as my hands found their way into his hair.

My back arched off the bed and I placed my hands over his pecs, pushing against him as I turned onto my side, silently encouraging him to turn with me. Facing each other, I cupped his cheek with my hand, gazing into his eyes. "Kiss me."

He didn't make me wait, bringing his lips back to mine immediately. The kiss was searing, and his hands pressed firmly against my back as he pulled me closer until my body was flush against his, my breasts flattening against his broad, strong chest, my legs tangling with his. I could feel the strong beat of his heart, faster than usual, as it thudded against my chest. He slid his palm down over my back until he found my ass, letting his fingers wrap around the lower curve and then squeezing, forcing the curves of my body fit against him and groaning as my hot skin laid against his hardness.

My nails dug into his shoulder as I broke away from the kiss, trailing my lips down over Jasper's jaw. When I reached his neck, I slipped my tongue between my lips and licked small spirals over his skin as I moved closer to his ear. He tasted delicious, his flesh slightly salty on my tongue, and he growled lowly as my teeth caught the lower lobe of his ear.

I turned my head from side to side, smiling mischievously as I tugged on his ear lobe while lightly scratching my nails down his back, loving the way that it was making him moan. I let go of his ear, licking over the spot I'd bitten to soothe it, and then spoke to him in a soft whisper.

"I want to feel you inside of me, Jasper. Please..."

He grasped my waist as he rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him. My knees were on either side of his hips as I hovered directly over him, already perfectly aligned. I brought my eyes up to meet his and smiled softly as I reached down between my legs. My fingertips brushed against his cock as I parted the way for him and he bucked into me, making me groan when his hardness grazed my entrance. Catching him with my hand, I lined us up just right, then locked eyes with his as I slowly lowered my hips, holding my breath as he filled me.

I paused when he was all the way inside, taking a second to enjoy the feeling and trying to remember how to breathe. We stared into each other's eyes, the fire of the passion between us burning on both sides. It was one of he most intense moments of my life.

Slowly, I started to rock, my movements slight, but enough that we both shivered at the sensations they created. My hands, still resting on his hips, began to slide up over his abs, my palms tingling more with every centimeter of skin they passed over.

"God, Bella," he murmured as my thumbs circled his nipples. We'd only just begun, but already the look in his eyes was desperate. "You feel so good. So right."

My eyelids fluttered as a moan fell from my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I lowered myself toward him, bringing our chests together so that I could kiss him once again. I lost myself in his lips, hoping never to be found again, as he gently moved his hips underneath me, making my head spin with how good it felt each time the head of his cock slipped though my entrance.

His hands moved up my back from my waist, one stopping in the center of my back, the other continuing up until it tangled in the hair at my base of my skull. He held me tenderly as his head tilted to the opposite side, his mouth opening wider to kiss me even harder. We were as close as two people could get, and that was exactly how I wanted to be. The only world that existed for me in that moment was there in my bed with Jasper.

Needing air, I finally pulled back from his lips, returning my gaze to his eyes. I was fighting a battle in my mind, not sure whether I wanted to kiss him enough to break the connection that we were sharing. I continued to rock back and forth on him as he raised and lowered his hips, each move I made forward forced him to rub against my clit. His heart was pounding, as was mine; they beat in rhythm with each other, just one more part of our bodies joining our love making. And that's exactly what we were doing right now – this wasn't the wild fucking that usually happened when the three of us were in bed. This was deep and passionate and irresistible and all-consuming.

I began to circle my hips on him with guidance from his hands, which had returned to my waist. Neither of us spoke, only the sounds of our heavy breaths disturbing the silence between us. Sometimes silence could be uncomfortable, but at that moment, it was perfect. We didn't need words; our passion was more than enough.

My whole body shuddered with desire and need as I felt myself growing closer and closer with every passing second. We held each other tighter – his back and shoulders were covered in marks from my nails, and his grip on my waist was sure to leave marks later - but it felt too good to complain.

He sped his thrusts slightly, and I began to whimper in pleasure. I couldn't remember words, but my moans told him everything he needed to know. His voice harmonized with mine, low and gritty when he groaned in pleasure. I let myself fall against his chest, my head resting on his shoulder, facing his neck, which I licked and kissed in between the moans that fell from my lips directly into his ear. As the moments passed, our sounds began to fade, and it grew harder and harder to breathe. Unconsciously, I held my breath, not wanting this to end, but knowing that I was so close to the edge that even oxygen might make me fall.

When Jasper's arms began to shake, I knew that it was time. I lifted myself just enough off of his chest to look into his eyes. "I love you," I whispered, my voice breaking on the words as I was overcome by the tenderness in his eyes. My words were barely even loud enough for him to hear.

He lifted himself off the mattress, pulling my hips down onto him hard. He kissed up my neck until his lips were at my ear. "I love you, Bella," he said softly as his arms encircled my waist, holding me against him as we fell back down toward the mattress together.

Tears fell softly from my eyes as I let myself go, losing myself completely in the pleasure. I felt his body shaking as he twitched inside of me, his growling moan soft against my neck. I pressed myself as close to him as possible, shivering as every muscle in my body tensed and released over and over again.

Finally, it was over, and I rested my forehead against his, eyes still closed. We pressed soft kisses against each other's lips between heavy pants. After a few seconds, I opened my eyes, meeting Jasper's. We were too close to really focus our vision, but it didn't matter.

I was just about to open my mouth to speak when I was startled by a voice from behind me.

"I want a divorce."

**A/N: -takes deep breath- I hope you enjoyed reading that half as much as Bella enjoyed living it. I'd love to hear your thoughts, as always. Now, um... -runs to hide-**

**Until next time. You know...**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: SM owns the characters, but this is my story. She likely wouldn't approve. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to Karmabalance and JaspersBella, for pre-reading, and to LuvMeSomeJasper for holding my hand while I wrote this. You may want to have a tissue handy. **

_ "I want a divorce."_

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 34**

Post-coital bliss completely forgotten, I pulled back from Jasper with a start and looked over my shoulder, but Alice wasn't there. I looked back at him, confused and unsure, silently asking him if I had imagined his wife's voice from my doorway.

"Did that..." he started, clearly as confused as I was. "Did she just say what I thought she said?"

"Oh," I said, my heart falling into my stomach. "You heard it too?"

We stared at each other for a moment, both still trying to process everything and make sense of it in our own heads, neither of us sure how to react. Our moment of inaction was ended when we heard the slamming of the front door.

Knowing he had to move, I slid off of Jasper and rolled to the side of the bed, pulling the sheet up to cover my nudity, which suddenly seemed incredibly inappropriate. Jasper jumped out of the bed in one motion and found his pants and t shirt in the pile of clothes we'd left on the floor, pulling them on as he made his way toward my bedroom door.

He turned back toward me at the doorway, offering an unnecessary apologetic look. "I have to go after her," he explained.

"Jas, I know," I said, my voice flat. "Go."

I wasn't upset with him for going; I wanted him to. I just couldn't make any emotion register. I was shell-shocked by Alice's pronouncement. She'd done the equivalent of dropping a bomb in my bedroom with just four words; four earth-shattering, life-changing, heart-breaking words.

I looked into the mirror on my vanity as he walked out of the room. My expression was reminiscent of the way I'd looked that Tuesday morning in September, when Renee called me in a panic to tell me that airplanes had been flown into skyscrapers in New York City; a mix of horror and confusion and incomprehension.

Not wanting to see the fear in my eyes any more, I looked away from the mirror and down at the sheets. I sat there in silence, making no move to get dressed or do anything at all, really, for what seemed like hours. I was lost in the deafening silence of my non-existent thoughts until my head turned to the side of it's own accord, responding to the voices I could suddenly hear through my open window.

Alice and Jasper were near enough to my garage that I could hear bits of their argument. I couldn't hear much, but made no effort to move nearer to the window. I knew that, as much as I wanted to know what was happening, it wasn't right to eavesdrop. If Alice meant what she said in my bedroom, our relationship was just as over as their marriage, that went without saying. But this part, it was between them. I'd done enough damage already with my presence alone – I didn't need to piss Ali off more my trying to spy on their conversation.

"Do you?" I heard her shriek. I couldn't hear his reply, but swallowed hard as panic swept over me. Had she heard our confessions of love? Was that what set her off?

Wiping away a tear, I got up off the bed and walked robotically to the center of the room, dressing myself. I figured that being naked when and if she came back into my house probably wouldn't help matters at all. I didn't know how long she'd been at my door, but a reminder of what Jasper and I had been doing probably wasn't going to help matters any.

Briefly, as I sat back down on my bed, I thought about the first night we'd been together, five weeks ago. I remembered staying up most of the night, worrying that Alice would be angry when she woke, that maybe she'd want to punch me. I'd wanted to run, and maybe I should have. If I had, I probably never would have talked to the two of them again. They would have gone on with their lives, as I would have with mine. But I hadn't done that, and so much had happened since then; so much that I never expected, that I never even dreamed could happen to me. I'd fallen in love, with two people at that. And with that love came sacrifice. I knew, without question, that if Alice wanted to punch me today, I'd let her. If she wanted to scream at me, I'd let her. I would take the blame for anything and everything, I'd take the brunt of her anger. I would do so in the hopes that it would save them. I didn't want them to be destroyed. I had never wanted that.

I sat on the edge of the bed for a long time, staring at the white wall of my bedroom, just waiting. I wondered what was happening outside, if Jasper was getting through to her, if maybe he was changing her mind. I felt nothing; I was completely numb, as if there was a switch for my emotions that had been switched to the off position the moment Alice entered my bedroom.

I lifted my eyes, but didn't otherwise move, when Jasper walked into my bedroom. I took in his body language – his shoulders were slumped and his eyes were deadened. He looked defeated as he sat down on the other edge of my bed, away from me, and put his head in his hands.

I opened my mouth to speak, almost surprised when I heard my own voice, barely a whisper. "What happened?"

"It's over," he said, hurt evident in his tone. "She's not budging. We're done."

"We as in the three of us?" I asked, hoping against hope that our relationship was the only casualty of the night.

"No," he said, finally turning to look at me as he shook his head. "Well, I mean, that too, but what I meant was that my marriage is over."

"Let me talk to her," I offered.

"That'll just make it worse."

Silent tears wet my cheeks; I didn't even realize that I was crying until I felt the droplets splash against my hands. I didn't know how it _could_ get worse.

"I'm sorry," I breathed. And I was. I didn't even know how to verbalize how sorry I was or how guilty I felt. I didn't even know how to comfort him, so I just sat there; frozen.

"Did she...hear us?" I asked tentatively.

He shook his head. "Not the thing you're worried about. She heard me say that you felt right. She didn't appreciate that much."

For a few minutes, the two of us sat in silence, and then Jasper got up off the bed and started gathering his things. "She's waiting outside," he offered when he saw my brow furrow in confusion.

"You're going now?" I asked, looking at the clock. It was after ten already, and I knew that Jasper had been up since early that morning. He nodded. "No," I said definitively. "No, you guys stay here tonight. I'll go to my mom's if it will make her more comfortable, but you're not driving five hours. Not right now."

"She wants to go," he replied.

"Fuck that," I said as I rose off the bed. I heard him protesting behind me as I walked out of my room, but I refused to turn back. I didn't care how fucked up things were, I wasn't letting them risk their lives just because Alice was angry. There was enough on my conscience already, I wasn't adding that.

I walked out my front door and saw Alice sitting in the driver's seat of Jasper's truck. I could hear the hum of the engine and the music playing lightly inside the cab, but her face was turned away from me, looking at the front yard of the house across the street. It was probably a good thing she was, because her inattention allowed me to open the passenger door and climb inside before she even noticed my approach and had time to lock me out.

"What do you want?" she asked sharply.

"Come in the house, Ali," I replied calmly. "You can't go home tonight. It's not a good idea. Just come in for the night, and you can leave in the morning. I'll stay away from you. I just want you to be safe."

"We'll be fine," she argued.

"No, Alice. Jasper's exhausted and not in the emotional state to be driving. It's not a good idea. Please just come inside."

"I'll drive then," she said in a monotone.

"Like hell," I snapped, irritated that she was being so stubborn. "You just took Nyquil when we got home from Smiley's. There's no way you're making the drive."

She tried to argue, but I'd had enough. This wasn't an issue I was going to back down on. "Alice," I said, reaching out and pulling the key out of the ignition before she could even react, further proving with her slow reaction time how right I was to not let her drive. "You can leave in the morning."

"Give me the fucking keys."

"No," I replied with just as much determination. "I already have your marriage on my hands, I won't have your lives too."

"Get over yourself," she sneered, rolling her eyes. "You think this is about you?"

Furrowing my brow at her, I frowned in confusion. I kind of thought that her making the pronouncement while Jasper was still inside me made that pretty obvious. "Umm...yes?"

Alice just laughed.

"Look," I continued, "Whatever it is, Jasper's inside with his heart broken. He loves you, Ali. Go inside and talk to him. I'm just gonna sit out here for awhile and give you some privacy."

She argued that they could talk on the drive home, and I reminded her that I had no intention of returning her keys until morning. "You guys can have the bedroom," I said as I opened the door and stepped out of the car. "I'm staying out here for awhile." I paused and turned back to her. I looked Alice right in the eye and said the only thing I could. "I'm sorry."

Closing the truck's door, I tucked the key into the pocket of my jeans and walked back up my driveway, not looking back and not stopping until I reached the little ledge where the driveway met my yard. I sat down, my back to Jasper's truck and my house.

For the next ten minutes or so, I thought about the night, and how it had gone from one of the most perfect moments of my life to one of the worst in an instant, with just four words. I stared at the blacktop, trying to find some pattern in the swirls. I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, I wasn't hurt. I wasn't really anything. I just...was.

No matter what she'd said in the car, I was sure that it had been my involvement with them that caused Alice to want to end her marriage, and for that, I felt terrible. I wished so much that she had just told us that she wanted out, that she wasn't comfortable, before it had gotten to this point. It would have broken my heart to walk away, but I would have done it, if only she'd asked me to. But every time I'd offered to leave, she'd begged me not to go. It didn't make sense. None of this made sense.

I heard footsteps approaching, but I didn't turn. When I recognized Ali's Converse our of the corner of my eye, I turned my head away from her. I didn't think I could look at her without crying or yelling or trying to kiss her. I really didn't know what I'd do; I was too confused. There were too many thoughts, too many new realities flying through my head. I just couldn't look at her. Not right now.

She rested her hand gently on my thigh and said my name softly. I tensed at her tender touch. I didn't want it - it only confused me more. When I refused to acknowledge her, she squeezed my thigh a bit and said my name again, louder this time.

"I'm fine, Alice," I said, speaking to the night air on my right rather than looking at the woman on my left. "Just go talk to Jasper."

I heard her sigh softly. For some reason, the sound reminded me of the noise a bottle of malt liquor makes when you open it. Malt liquor sounded good right about then. Hell, any liquor sounded pretty good.

"Please come inside," she said, using the tone that I'd heard from her too many times when she was being sweet to me.

"Fine," I said, rising to my feet, letting her still-unacknowledged hand fall from my leg as I stood. I led the way into the house, not waiting for her.

Jasper was inside, sitting on the couch with a look of sheer misery on his face. Again, I felt the urge to comfort him, but instead I chose to walk right by him, basically ignoring him completely. It pained me to do that to him, but I did it out of love. I was distancing myself from him so that Alice would talk to him. I had to do this for him. For them.

I didn't stop walking until I reached the kitchen, where I paused long enough to open the refrigerator and pull out a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade. I twisted the top off, leaving it to lay on the counter, and then continued on to the back door. I'd told Alice that I would go inside. I never promised to stay.

Walking down to the end of my driveway, I turned right and started down the sidewalk, pulling my phone out of my pocket and dialing Victoria's number. I was two houses down the street when she answered.

"Bella?" she said, sounding surprised, which made perfect sense, seeing as how she knew that Jasper and Alice were at my house.

"It's me," I replied. My voice was soft and still sounded half dead.

"B... What's wrong?"

I furrowed my brow, wondering how to explain to my best friend what I didn't really understand myself. "Alice," I said, after a long silence. It almost sounded like a question. Realizing that her name alone wasn't much of an explanation, I continued. "She, um... It's over. She told Jasper she wanted a divorce."

"What?" Vic replied in shock. "What the hell happened?"

I shook my head and shrugged before remembering that she couldn't see me. "I don't know. She said she wanted to sleep. Told Jas and me to... you know... And then she... She came in. Said that."

"Oh my god, Bella. Are you ok?"

I walked past two more houses before I thought of the only truthful way to answer her. "No."

"Do you want me to come? I can be there in a couple of hours."

I answered while wiping away tears with the hem of my shirt. "They're still here."

"What can I do?"

"Nothing." I turned and started walking back toward my house when I reached the end of the block. "I'll be ok," I whispered. "I just... I..." I paused for a second as my lip quivering turned into a choked sob.

"I'm here in you need me. You know that."

Nodding, I sniffled a bit and then thanked her. "I'll talk to you later, ok, V?"

"Anytime, B. I love you."

Her words hit me like a punch in the gut as they reminded me once again of what Jasper and I had shared less than an hour before. "I love you, Vic," I said in a strangled voice. I quickly ended the call before dropping down into a squat on the sidewalk, my face in my hands, as I tried to pull myself together.

It took me a few minutes, but I finally regained my mask of emotional neutrality. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I walked the rest of the way to my house in silence. I made my way up the driveway and then stepped off of the blacktop and into the grass, walking all the way to the back of the yard where there was a small hill. I sat on the slope, staring in the direction of my garage, but not really seeing anything, and took a long swig of my Mike's Lemonade.

Looking down at my bottle, I suddenly remembered the look on Jasper's face the week before when we were on skype and he'd begged me not to drink. The memory made me feel sick. I threw the bottle across the yard in disgust; drinking it felt like a betrayal.

I continued to stare at nothing for awhile, and finally lowered myself down so that my back laid against the grassy slope. It was a clear night; the sky was full of stars, but where I would usually find it beautiful, it meant nothing to me at that moment.

I stared at the black canvas that was the sky, thinking about Jasper. We'd promised each other since the beginning that if we ever decided to end the sexual part of our relationship, we would still be friends. I considered scenario after scenario, trying to imagine myself as Jasper's friend. I imagined him telling me about a family outing, or a date with Alice, or playing guitar. No matter what it was, though, I got the same reaction from my heart with each one: hurt, jealousy, and desire.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't be his friend anymore. I couldn't pretend that I wasn't in love with him, that I didn't want him. I wanted him and Alice to go on and be happy, but I didn't want to watch them do it. I didn't think that I could stand seeing them happy without me. Not now. Maybe not ever.

I couldn't hear his voice and not remember what it sounded like when he whispered that he loved me while we were in each other's arms. I knew that every day at noon, I would be disappointed when his texts didn't come. And if they did, I knew that I'd want them to lead to places that we were no longer allowed to go. I couldn't listen to his mp3s and not remember that I'd never be watch him play live again. I couldn't do it. I couldn't not be in love with him.

Wiping my cheeks dry of the tears that had been falling freely since I sat down on the hill, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted Jasper.

_Can you come to the backyard please?_

_ I'll be right out. _

A few minutes later, Jasper approached with caution, stopping before he actually reached me. He looked broken, standing there in front of me with his worried brow and haunted eyes, and I hated myself for what I was about to say to him. I repeated, over and over in my head, that I was doing this _for_ him, that it would make him happy in the end, even if it hurt him now.

Yeah, that even sounded stupid to me.

I had to do it, though. For him. For both of us. For Alice.

For a fleeting second, I met his eyes, but I looked away quickly. The pain in them shattered my heart more, and I knew I'd never get through this looking at him.

"Jas," I said in a soft whisper. "I'm really, really sorry about everything that happened tonight. About my part in it. I never wanted this to happen, Jasper." I had to pause for a moment because I was too choked up to speak. After several deep breaths, I felt ready to continue. "I really hope that you and Ali can work this out."

"Me too," he said softly, not looking up at me.

When I began speaking again, my voice was void of all emotion. "You shouldn't call me anymore. Or text... or... anything. You just shouldn't talk to me... ever again. I can recommend a good beta for you. I just... I can't."

"I understand," he whispered.

I stood up and walked toward him, wrapping my fingers around his hand and reaching up to cup his cheek with my other hand, turning his chin to make him face me. I looked him in the eye, my expression full of remorse. "I'm sorry, Jasper. This breaks my heart. But I love you too much. I can't make myself stop. I can't just be your friend."

He wrapped both of his arms around me and held me close, stroking his hair with his fingertips as I rested my cheek against his shoulder. "I understand, sweetheart," he whispered. "I love you. I just want you to be so happy."

He took my face between his hands and made me look at him again. My eyes filled with tears as he smiled sadly at me. "I hope you find someone who loves you more than anything. You deserve that, Bella. Find someone wonderful. You're worth it."

Crying, I leaned into him, pressing my lips to his, and kissed him softly. I knew, as I pulled his lower lip between mine, that it would be our last kiss, so I memorized every detail of his lips and his arms around me and the heat of his body touching mine. I begged my brain to keep the memory of this kiss clear enough that I could relive it over and over again for the rest of my life.

When I finally pulled away, I brushed my finger over his cheek to wipe away a tear. "I hope that you'll be happy too, Jasper. You are such a wonderful man. You've changed my life. You've changed me. I will always remember."

"I will remember too," he said through a strangled sob as he tried to smile, knowing that we were both saying so much with those few words.

Our foreheads rested against each other for a minute as we delayed the inevitable as long as we could. I kept my eyes closed, breathing in his scent and willing the moment to never end.

"Come on," he said, dropping my hand and taking a step back. It was a silent signal between the two of us that our good bye was over. _We_ were over. "Let's go inside."

I took a deep breath and steeled my strength, putting on my bravest face, and followed Jasper in to the house.

**A/N: It hurt to write that. So much. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter.**

**Until next time. You know...**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: SM owns the characters, just the story is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to Karmabalance and JaspersBella for pre-reading.**

_ "Come on," he said, dropping my hand and taking a step back. It was a silent signal between the two of us that our good bye was over. We were over. "Let's go inside."_

_ I took a deep breath and steeled my strength, putting on my bravest face, and followed Jasper in to the house. _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 35**

Jasper entered the house through the kitchen and walked through it into the living room, taking a seat on the far end of the couch. I, however, stopped in the kitchen. I opened the freezer and eyed the shelf on the inside of the door, currently lined with Jager, Jack Daniels, and Malibu. I knew the fridge had more Mike's Lemonade and two bottles of St Ides Special Brew.

Swallowing hard, I took the Jager out first and twisted it open. I had already poured half of the bottle down the sink when Alice entered the kitchen.

"Can you stop?" she asked in a calm, kind-sounding voice.

"No," I said shortly, still pouring. "I have to do this."

She didn't understand, and furrowed her brow at me, looking at me like I was crazy. The thing was, I was emptying this bottle for the same reason that I had thrown the Mike's outside. I was numb at the moment, but I wasn't sure how long that would last. I didn't trust myself not to want it, so ridding the house of temptation seemed like a really good plan.

When the bottle was empty, I set it on the counter and turned toward the freezer to get the next one, but Alice blocked my path. She put her hand over mine and I paused, keeping my eyes trained on the floor.

"Will you please just come in the living room and talk to me? You can come back and finish this when you're done."

I agreed with a sigh. After all, I'd been wanting her to talk to me for weeks. It was obviously too late now, but if nothing else, it would be nice to know why things went wrong.

I followed her into my living room, where Jasper was already sitting on the far end of the couch, nearest the front door. I let myself look at him for just a second, then returned my gaze to the floor. It pained me too much to see the hurt that was so clearly written all over his face. I knew that it wasn't only my doing, but I'd had a part in it, and to me, causing him any hurt was shameful.

Alice sat down in the center of the couch, leaving the last seat for me. I didn't take it, though, instead opting for the arm of the couch, facing out toward the TV. I was deep in self-preservation mode at this point, and staying aloof was a big part of that. What I really wanted right now was for someone to hold me and let me cry. But that was not an option, so I sat there with my arms crossed, holding my emotions tightly inside, waiting for Alice to begin.

"Bella, can you please sit by me?"

"I am," I replied curtly. I was close enough.

She patted the couch cushion beside her. "Sit down here. Please."

I sighed and moved down onto the cushion as she had asked, but kept my posture tight. I didn't turn toward her either.

"I know you're upset with me..." she started.

I quickly interrupted. "I'm not. I told you before, if you wanted out, just to say so. You said so. I'm out. That's it." I was curt and emotionless, but I had to be. If she wanted to explain her reasons, I would listen, but I didn't need apologies.

"Baby, please listen to me," she said, reaching out and putting a hand on each of my arms, pulling me down so that my head rested in her lap. I didn't fight her, but I still held my body tight. I was so confused. She called me baby and was holding me. Why? Was this pity? I didn't want pity.

She started to speak again as her fingers began to comb through my hair. If Jasper and I both didn't look like someone had just run over our pet bunny, the scene would have been reminiscent of the last time they'd visited my house. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the ninety minutes that we'd spent watching Office Space on this very couch was exactly when everything changed for us. That's when I fell in love. It seemed fitting, I suppose, to end things now in the same place.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Please... I don't know what got into me; I didn't know what I was saying. Please forgive me."

Finally allowing myself to take the risk of looking at her, I turned my face toward Alice, looking at her with utter shock. "What?" I asked, confused, looking back and forth between her and Jasper, who looked just as bewildered as I did. I was pretty much certain that Alice was the only one on the couch who had any idea what she was trying to say.

"I don't want to lose you. Neither of us do, I'm sure," she added, looking at Jasper for confirmation. He stared at her as if she had grown moose antlers.

"What?" I repeated.

"Please forgive me, guys," she said, speaking to both of us now. She reached under my arms, pulling me further up the couch toward her so that now my head rested against her chest. Then she reached for Jasper, stroking his cheek. "Please. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

Without even waiting for a response, Alice tilted her face down and covered my lips with hers. I was too surprised to protest, and, just as it always had, the feel of Alice's soft lips proved too difficult to resist. Her kiss was tender and sweet, yet desperate at the same time, as if she were still pleading with me.

Her words spun through my head in rapid swirls as she kissed me: "I want a divorce" and "I didn't meant it" and "Please forgive me." My thoughts flew through my brain just as rapidly, intermingling with her words. Was it possible? Had she just reacted in a moment of jealousy? We'd broken the rules, after all, whether we'd had permission or not. Maybe she thought that she could handle it, but couldn't once it was happening in front of her eyes. Was there still a chance to make us work?

She began to pull back from the kiss, and just as I was about to start panicking that she was already changing her mind again, Alice whispered "Please," and Jasper's lips joined ours. It was the third time we'd done this, and it was no less amazing a moment as it had been either of the first two times. I reached up and placed my hand on Jasper's cheek beside Alice's.

Tears fell from my eyes as the three of us continued to kiss. I didn't understand, but I didn't care. Not now, anyway. There would be plenty of time to talk later, to explain. And we _would_ talk – no matter how much Alice preferred to keep her thoughts to herself, I wouldn't let her this time. Talking was the only way we were ever going to make us work.

But right now, nothing mattered except finding_ us_ again. And Alice seemed to think that we could be found in my bedroom, because when she pulled back from the kiss and rose from the couch, holding one of my hands and one of Jasper's, that was where she was leading us.

We made our way down the hall in a tangled mess of arms and legs and lips, kissing and holding on to each other, as if all three of us feared that a loss of contact would break whatever spell we were under.

Alice reached the bed first, and Jasper and I worked together to remove her clothes as we kissed either side of her neck. She held onto us – a hand around my waist and one on the back of Jasper's neck – as if her life depending on keeping us close to her. In some ways, that description didn't seem entirely inaccurate.

My fingers roamed her bare chest and shoulders, just barely grazing her skin, exploring her, verifying, with each touch, that she was real, that I wasn't just dreaming all of this.

_She came back to us. She's here. We're here._

The words echoed in my head, silently repeated over and over like a chant. Maybe I was reveling in the truth of the words, maybe I was just trying to convince myself. I couldn't be sure.

It was through an unspoken agreement that Jasper and I had yet to touch each other, other than during the shared kiss. While we'd been together just over an hour earlier and he was only inches from me, I still ached for his touch, and to touch him. Since we'd left the couch, though, both of us focused all of our attention on Alice. It was better that way. We both seemed to understand that she needed it. Really, I think we needed it just as much though.

_Stay with us, Ali. _

My open mouth ghosted over her jawline, teasing her with my hot breath, whispering her name every time I reached her ear. Alice's head had fallen back against the pillows as her back arched, pushing her chest into Jasper's touch as his fingers circled one nipple and his tongue teased the other. It was so unexpected and unplanned when our fingers brushed each other over the outer curve of Alice's breast that we both jumped a bit. It was enough to draw her attention, and I couldn't help but panic for a second when she lifted her head to look at us.

"Jasper," she breathed. He immediately leaned in close to her, his expression worried. "Kiss her," she urged.

Had I not been so relieved that it wasn't bad news, I probably would have laughed at the expression on his face. He looked back and forth between us, wondering, I'm sure, if it was some sort of trick. It wasn't hard for me to understand. I wanted him to kiss me, was desperate for him to do so, really. Seeing him like this, the way his lips and tongue had teased Alice and made her squirm, was always intoxicating, always arousing. But it was more than that; our last kiss had been a kiss goodbye. I needed him to replace that memory. I was terrified. though, just like I knew he was, that a kiss between us would cause this house of cards to fall down around us.

_Please, Ali, please mean it. Please don't change your mind._

"Please, baby," she pleaded. "I need to see you kiss her. I love watching your lips on hers."

He turned to me, smiling tentatively, asking my permission with his eyes. Hoping that it was the right choice, I leaned toward him. We met in the middle, our lips connecting right in front of Alice's eyes. The kiss was soft, our lips barely grazing each other before I heard Alice's light gasp.

"More," she urged, her voice low and raspy.

I knew that tone. It gave me confidence. Tilting my head to the side, I let my jaw fall open, then dragged my lips across his skin, engulfing his full lower lip between my teeth first, holding it for a second before releasing it to my lips. I left one hand on Alice's shoulder, but brought the other around to Jasper's, following the line of his muscles up to his neck until the tips of my fingers found his hair.

_Jasper... Oh dear lord, I never thought I'd be here again. _

I moaned into Jasper's mouth as his tongue passed between my lips at the same moment that Alice's cool hand slipped under the hem of my shirt. Her teeth caught the fleshy part of my ear with a quick nip, and she let her hand rise with agonizing slowness up my abs and between my breasts.

Letting go of my ear, she began to whisper directly into it. "That's right, baby... Kiss him good. It's so sexy to see you respond to him... The way your chest rises and falls so heavily... God yes..."

_Our Alice is back._

This time I really believed it when the thought crossed through my mind.

I kissed him harder, not stopping until I ran out of breath, then pulled away just long enough to take a huge gulp of air, and then attack Alice's lips with mine. I kissed her with a fierceness I'd never shown her; wanting her, needing her, but even more than that, desperately trying to prove to her _how __much_ I wanted and needed her.

_How did we get here?_

Jasper undressed me and himself as I used my dominant position over Alice to push her back against the bed, positioning myself over her as Jasper pulled my jeans off over my feet. I used my teeth to make a trail down the side of her neck until I reached her collarbone as her hands traced the curves along my sides.

_We're here. It doesn't matter how or why._

When I dipped my head down to follow the swell of her breast with my tongue, Jasper leaned over me, his hot, muscular chest pressing against my back, forcing my breasts to flatten against Alice's stomach, and kissed her. I brought my tongue up to her nipple, flicking it and swirling my tongue around it before I sucked it between my lips. I could feel Jasper's hardness against my leg, rubbing slowly on my thigh as he tilted his head to the opposite side and stretched further forward, his lips still connected with his wife's.

Jasper finally rose away from Alice and sat up on his knees, scooping his hands under me and pulling me up with him, my breasts cupped in his hands. My back arched as I leaned back with him, my head coming to rest on his shoulder. I teased his neck with my tongue as he tweaked my nipples and gently massaged my breasts, and then let out a strangled moan when Alice's fingers started tracing the line of my slit.

_This is more than I ever dreamed I'd have._

"There's something I want to try," Jasper said gruffly as I shivered in his arms from Alice's touch.

Reaching behind myself with one hand, I stroked the nape of his neck with my fingertips. "Oh...fuck...god...anything," I panted after having been surprised by Alice's fingers entering me at the same moment as her lips closed over my nipple. My light touch on Jasper's neck quickly turned to clawing his flesh with my nails, trying to hold myself down while being completely overwhelmed with sensations.

Jasper explained his idea, which I agreed sounded like a good one. Alice liked it too, but she gave Jasper a devilish look as she slipped another finger into me. "Let me finish here first," she said in a breathy voice. "Help me."

_This is really happening. _

Had I been able to catch my breath at all, I would have told Jasper that he wouldn't have to wait long; the tension building in my belly was already nearing my breaking point. Jasper pressed his hips into me, letting his hardness rub against the small of my back as his hand slipped down between Ali and I, sliding over my heated skin until he found my clit and started rubbing it in quick circles. With a string of vowel sounds whispered in a breathy moan, I fisted my free hand in Alice's hair, holding it tight as I struggled to hold on.

_Jaspers hands... I haven't lost his touch. He's here._

Pumping her fingers faster, Alice let go of my nipple and rose up and pressed her body against mine, sliding against me as she rose to her knees, bringing us face to face. She pressed her lips to mine, giving me a hot, passionate kiss before pulling away and kissing her way over to my ear.

"Are you going to come for me, Bella?" she whispered, her hot breath on my ear raising the hair on my arms. "I want to hear you, baby. Show me how much you like it when my fingers are inside you."

_I like it, Alice. I'm so happy when you're near me. All I want is you both here with me._

I was whimpering and begging by this time, my sounds muffled by Jasper's skin as I buried my face in his neck. His fingers moved faster, hers pumped harder, and I finally reached the point where I could take no more.

_Hold me, Jas... Don't let go._

Had Jasper not been supporting my body with one arm still, I probably would have collapsed on the bed. Instead, I bucked and writhed against him, crying out with a high-pitched keening sound that was nothing like any other noise I'd ever heard myself make.

"That's right, baby," Alice encouraged. "Come all over my fingers."

_Thank you. Thank you. Thank you._

By the time my body was done convulsing, I fell limp against Jasper's chest, panting heavily. Alice let her fingers slide out of me, and then, with a sultry look, she reached up and slipped them into Jasper's mouth. With a low groan, I watched as he sucked all of me off of her, and then licked his lips after she pulled her hand away.

"Now," he commanded in a gravely voice, "Lay down, Alice."

Instantly wet all over again just from the sound of his voice, I reached up and put my hands on Alice's shoulders, pushing her back toward the mattress, and lowered myself over her, getting into the position that Jas had described for us a few minutes before.

_Don't leave us, Ali. _

In seconds, Alice was laying flat on her back and I was above her, my body pressed against hers so that our clits were perfectly aligned. My hands wound around her neck, supporting her head as I kissed her. I could feel the bed move under us as Jasper approached, and the soft hair on his thighs tickled the back of my legs as he lined himself up behind me.

I held my breath, biting my lip when Alice gasped as Jasper slid into her. His groin pressed against my ass, nudging me forward and forcing my clit to rub against hers, as he filled her completely. It was such a highly erotic moment, especially when all three of our voices filled the silence simultaneously.

_Everything's going to be ok._

Jasper held my hips, moving me with him as he thrusted, moving himself in and out of Alice and me back and forth against her. I kissed her everywhere that I could reach: her lips, cheeks, neck, shoulders... I ignored no part of her, thanking her, with each kiss, for bringing us back to this place.

_We aren't lost. We're here. We're together._

As the minutes passed, it became clear that Alice was getting close. She had grabbed onto my hair and pulled it tightly each time I rubbed against her with the force of Jasper's thrusts. Each tug was punctuated further by Jasper's fingers kneading my hips, his callouses scratchy against my skin. My hardened nipples brushed against Alice's over and over, and the friction between them was delicious.

"Uh...Harder, Jasper!" Alice demanded just before she bit down on my shoulder.

"Fuck!" I moaned; the bite hurt, but felt good at the same time.

_Pain with my pleasure? Yeah... Kind of a theme here._

Jasper grunted and groaned behind me as his movements began to lose rhythm. His right hand left my hip, and before I knew what to expect, came down with a sharp sting on the fleshy curve of my ass. I felt the vibrations leave his hand and reverberate through my muscles as I moaned, long and low, into Alice's ear.

"Oh fuck, Jasper," she groaned right along with me. "You like it rough tonight, don't you, Bella baby?"

"God, I just... Fuck... I want... Oh god..." I made no sense. I couldn't remember sense; just pleasure; lust; want.

_I want us. I want us so badly. _

Jasper's left hand, still on my hip, began to shake, and his thrusts sped up as they became even more erratic in rhythm and strength. I held Alice tightly, my nails digging into her skin as I struggled to stay still enough to let them finish.

"Now, baby; now!" Alice cried in her trademark quivering voice.

She began to buck under me, making us rub together without restraint, and I couldn't hold out any more. I held onto her, letting our bodies move together as we lost all conscious control. Jasper's growly groan came only seconds later, and he squeezed me tight as he came inside of Alice.

When it was all over, I fell limp against Alice and Jasper leaned down over my back, wrapping his arms around us both.

_We made it. We're us again. _

A few hours later, I lay in Jasper's arms, my head tucked into the crook of his arms in the spot I had claimed as my own, in the darkness of my bedroom as Iron and Wine played softly from my macbook on the nightstand. Alice was on his other side, our fingers laced together over his bare chest.

I'd closed my eyes at the same time as they had and tried to sleep, but despite my physical exhaustion, I could not get my mind to rest. Over and over again, I relived the night in my mind, trying to find a way to reconcile the events that had taken place over a period of only one hundred and eighty minutes. So far, I had no explanation, and I was pretty sure that the only one who _did_ was Alice.

We had to talk. I'd allowed us to skip the conversation earlier because I was so overwhelmed by her kisses and pleas that I couldn't think straight. But now that thinking was all I was doing, I knew that we couldn't move on without a conversation. If we tried, there was no question that we'd end up back in the same place again, and I couldn't take it. I couldn't say good bye to Jasper again; the look in his eyes when his heart ached was more than I could stand. Alice had pushed us away, then pulled us back in, and I had no idea what motivated either action. I needed to know. How could we keep from making the same mistakes over and over if we didn't know what the mistakes were?

I was resolved on this issue. If the three of us woke up in the morning and the decision was that we would move on together, rather than apart, then communication was going to occur, whether Alice wanted to talk or not. I wasn't willing to be a part of this otherwise.

Stroking Alice's knuckles with my fingertips, I silently begged her to talk to me. To us. I nuzzled my face further into Jasper's shoulder and pulled myself closer to him, breathing in his scent and letting it lull me into a state of relaxation. The Whitlocks had become much too important in my life now; I drifted off, praying that I would not lose them.

I opened my eyes later with sun streaming in through the curtains. I was still curled into Jasper, but Alice had turned away from him and my hand, clearly not wanting to lose the connection with her even in sleep, rested on her hip. I yawned into Jasper's chest as I tried to stretch without waking him.

"Good morning sweetheart," he said softly.

I turned my face so that I could see him, and smiled. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Was already up," he replied, smiling back at me. "Did you know that you snore a little? And talk in your sleep?"

I'm sure my face went white with horror as I wished for some alternate dimension to open up a wormhole in my bedroom and suck me into it. I mean, really, how many ways could I find to humiliate myself in front on him?

He squeezed my arm with the hand that was still around me and laughed softly. "Don't be embarrassed. It's cute." _Yeah, snoring is cute. Mmhmm. And I'm a freaking vampire. _"Calm down, Bella. You look like you're going to have a stroke. In another five seconds, I'll have to give you mouth to mouth."

I raised a brow at his words. Mouth to mouth sounded pretty good, actually. Realizing where my thoughts had gone, Jasper just smiled. "Come here," he encouraged, pressing against my elbow.

I used my toes to push me up the bed toward him, and our lips met in a soft kiss. We pulled apart and I rested my forehead against his, smiling.

"Good morning," Alice said as she rolled over to face us again, reaching out to cover the place where Jasper's hand and mine were joined. We both greeted her, and she gave us both a gentle kiss.

_We're us. We're still us._

Every morning should start like this.

Giving Jasper and Alice a chance to talk in private, I slipped out of bed and pulled on some clothes, then made my way to the kitchen to make some breakfast. I was flipping the French Toast for the final time when Alice's thin arms wrapped around my waist and her chin came to rest on my shoulder. I turned my head enough to give her cheek a little kiss, and then smiled as I used my spatula to place breakfast on plates.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she said softly as I turned off my electric skillet. "Please believe me."

I reached down and took her hands in mine, then turned in her arms so that I was facing her. "Tell me the truth, Ali," I said, looking into her eyes with all the sincerity I possessed. "Do you want to be with me?"

She nodded. "I do, Bella. I want you to be with us."

Letting go of her hands, I reached up to cup her cheeks and kissed her lips tenderly. "I want to be with you and Jasper, Ali. I want to make us work. But I need you to talk to me. We can't keep throwing eggs at each other like this."

Alice giggled. "I really went all out last night, didn't I? Those were practically Easter eggs."

I nodded, laughing with her to relieve the tension. "Seriously, though, Ali," I said. "We need to talk about why last night happened."

"Can we do it later?" she asked. "I promise we will. But I have a lot to talk about with Jasper, and I already ruined yesterday for us. We only have an hour left. Can we just be happy for an hour?"

Her eyes pleaded with me, but I still wavered on the decision. It wasn't until I caught Jasper's eye as he walked into the room – he looked so hopeful when he saw me with his wife in my arms – that I made my decision.

"Let's just be happy this morning," I agreed, smiling. "Jas, baby, will you get the juice out of the fridge?"

"I will," he replied. "Right after I give my girls a hug."

Alice and I giggled as he wrapped his arms around both of us at once and lifted us into the air. We both leaned in and pressed a kiss against the cheek of his that we were closest too, and then gave one to each other. As he set us back down on the ground, I learned into him and pulled Ali closer to me.

_We're us again. And everything is going to be ok._

**A/N: I'm guessing your heads are spinning by now. You could probably tell from the internal monologue that Bella's is too. The conversation is going to happen, I promise. Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.**

**Until next time. You know...**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: SM owns the characters, only this storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Before I start this chapter, I really want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to every one of you that sent me a review or a PM after my note a month ago. My dad passed away on June 2, the day I left his house, actually, and the 48 hours that I was there were amongst the longest and hardest of my life. Every kind word I got during that time truly meant a lot to me. Thank you so much, too, for your patience while I took a break from writing to get my head together again. To my friends who got me through one of the most difficult times of my life, you already know how grateful I am, and how much I love you, but thank you again, all the same.**

**Finally, thanks, as always, to Karmabalance and JaspersBella, for pre-reading and supporting me as I found my mojo.**

_ Alice and I giggled as he wrapped his arms around both of us at once and lifted us into the air. We both leaned in and pressed a kiss against the cheek of his that we were closest too, and then gave one to each other. As he set us back down on the ground, I learned into him and pulled Ali closer to me._

_ We're us again. And everything is going to be ok._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 36**

As the three of us sat at my dining room table eating french toast, I couldn't help but notice how different everything seemed in the morning light. It was almost as if everything that had happened the night before had only been a nightmare.

I knew that it wasn't, though. Even while Alice was playfully running her toes up and down my left shin and leading the conversation, talking about the three of us seeing each other in two weeks, and I smiled flirtatiously at Jasper from across the table as my lips slid over the prongs of my fork, I knew that there were clouds hiding somewhere in the sunny sky.

For now, though, the sun was shining. And we had less than an hour left together, so I pushed away the worry as much as I could and just enjoyed the time we had left. Surprisingly, it wasn't all that hard to do.

When we were all done eating, I rose from my chair and collected the plates, carrying them over to the sink. My finger was under the water, waiting for it to warm up, when a pair of large, warm hands came to rest on my forearms. I would have known he was there even without his touch, though; I could feel his presence as he approached, and I'd smelled his manly scent the second he stopped behind me.

I leaned back into him, letting my head rest on his shoulder as I turned my cheek toward him. Sighing in contentment, I asked him what he needed.

"Let me finish the dishes for you," he said. "Ali is going up to shower, and I think she'd like it if you joined her."

"You think, or you know?" I asked.

"I'm pretty damned sure," he replied, squeezing me against him.

Kissing his neck, I turned off the water and turned in his arms to face him. "Well, who am I to doubt your intuition?" I asked with a playful grin, placing my wet hands flat on the soft cotton over his shirt, enjoying the fact that my handprints were now on him, even if they would fade quickly. "You don't have to do the dishes, though. Maybe Ali would like both our company?"

He shook his head. "No, you go. I'll join you in a bit. Promise."

With a sideways smile, he gave me a little smack on the ass, effectively dismissing me from the conversation, and the kitchen. I winked over my shoulder as I walked out of the room, and then walked down the hall with a grin, grabbing a towel from the linen closet on my way.

The water was already running when I opened the bathroom door, hot steam pluming from over the shower door into the room, and I could see Alice's silhouette through the foggy glass. I silently stripped off my clothes and left them in a pile just outside the bathroom door, then dropped my towel on the counter before knocking lightly on the shower door.

Alice opened the door just a crack and peeked out, her eyes brightening when she saw me standing in front of her.

"I thought you might need help washing your back," I said, smiling with as much innocence as I could muster. I'm not sure how convincing I was; you'd be surprised how hard it is to look innocent when standing naked in front of your lover, offering yourself to her...

"And maybe the other hard-to-reach places?" she added with a smirk.

"Well," I replied with a sly smile. "I _am_ here to help."

Rather than reply with words, Ali opened the door wider and stepped back, giving me room to enter her steamy space.

I stepped inside, not even trying to hide the fact that I was staring at Ali's wet, naked form. Her hair hung down over her shoulders, clinging to her skin, the brightly colored streaks – red, now – standing out in sharp contrast against her pale skin. I reached out with both hands and pulled her hair back behind her shoulders so that I could have a better view of her perfect breasts, nipples standing straight up to greet me.

Raising my eyes to meet hers, I licked my lips. "I like it when you're wet," I said, the double meaning of my words completely intended.

My girl, pervy as ever, did not miss it, and took a step forward, bringing her body within an inch of mine. "How do you know I'm wet?" she teased.

"I don't know," I said, sliding my hands up her back as the water cascaded down between us, collecting in a pool where our bodies met. "But I just figured, you know, being in the shower and all..."

Alice leaned in and grabbed my lower lip with her teeth, nipping it gently. She scowled playfully when she pulled away. "So you're just going to be a tease, are you?"

"What? I told you... I came to assist you in getting clean," I said, batting my lashes for effect.

She slid her hands up my sides, slipping her thumbs inward when she reached breast level so that she could graze my nipples. She teased me, barely touching me as her thumb ghosted over my skin, and then leaned in, pressing her body fully against me. "What if I wanted to get dirty?" she whispered.

Giggling, I leaned into her, bringing my lips down on her shoulder and pressing soft kisses over it and up her neck. "I'll just have to get you clean when you're done," I replied just before running my tongue over her earlobe.

"Bella? Baby? Can you do me just one little favor?" Alice asked.

"Of course," I agreed with a nod.

She turned around and then handed me the shower puff. "Wash my back?"

Groaning softly, I took the puff from her and then reached down to the floor, picking up the bottle of shower gel and pouring a generous amount onto the puff. I rose back up and began to run a lather over her back, giving special attention to the white rabbit in the morning jacket that was tattooed in the curve of her back just over her left hip.

When her back was clean, I stepped up closer to her and reached around to her front with the shower puff, washing her chest and abdomen, paying special attention to the underside of the swell of her breasts. I rubbed up and down her arms, and then dropped down into a squat, washing the front and back of her legs before finally trailing the puff between them.

I stood up when I was finished, letting my arms rest casually on her hipbones as I reached around her to let the water rinse the lather off of my hands. When I saw that the water draining from it was clear, I placed the puff in her hands and pressed a few open-mouthed kisses over her neck.

"Your turn," she said with a soft smile as she turned around in my arms a minute later. She kept her eyes on me as she bent down to pick up the shower gel, looking at the bottle before she poured it onto the puff. "So that's what you always smell like," she murmured as she set it back down on the ground.

She stayed low, washing my legs first, then lifting my feet up, one at a time, to rub the puff over the soles. She rose up to her feet when she finished, washing my arms and shoulders. "Turn around," she commanded when she was finished cleaning between every finger.

I did as she asked, and then she rubbed the puff all over my back. I closed my eyes, enjoying her tender touch. When my back was thoroughly washed, her arm crept around my waist and she began washing my stomach, circling my belly button several times before she traced the curve of my breasts with her sudsy hands, the puff having fallen to the floor as soon as my belly button was deemed clean.

My head fell back, resting heavily on my shoulders, and I panted as her fingers twisted and turned over my nipples. I was pretty sure that they'd never been cleaner, but I had a feeling that Alice's intentions no longer had anything to do with bathing me.

"Mmm, Ali," I breathed as her right hand abandoned my breasts to trail back down, crossing over my belly and then reaching down between my legs.

Unable to keep my balance as her fingers began to tease my clit, I leaned against her, feeling the hot water warm my back as it pooled between our bodies. She continued to play with my nipples, letting her left arm rest across my chest to hold me where she wanted me.

"You like that, baby?" she asked as she began to nip at my neck. "You like it when I touch you?"

"Oh, god yes," I moaned, just as she slipped a finger into me.

I wanted to tell her just how much I liked her touching me, how good it felt. I wanted to tell her how my heart was beating crazy fast because I wanted her so badly, and because less than twelve hours ago, I was sure that she'd never touch me again. But the only thing I said was her name, over and over, like a prayer.

"Please don't stop, Ali," I begged as my knees began to shake. Whether she knew it or not, I wasn't just talking about that moment.

"I won't, baby," she assured me as her ground her hips against my ass, letting the heel of her hand add pressure to my clit. "I'm so sorry, Bella. Please don't give up on me."

I reached back over my shoulder with one arm, circling her neck and pressing my fingers into her wet scalp, holding her to me in the only way I could. "Sshhh..." I urged. "I'm here; just feel."

Her lips were all over my neck, kissing and licking, teasing and nipping. "You feel so good in my arms," she whispered, her lips brushing my earlobe as she spoke. "I want to make you come over and over, until you can't stand anymore. I want to hear those sounds you make... I want to feel you come, just for me."

"Please, Ali," I whimpered, beginning to writhe in her arms. "Fuck...Ali...so good..." I strung words together with no effort to make sense as her fingers took me over the edge.

She held me tighter, and rubbed herself even faster against me as I closed my eyes and lost myself in the bliss I felt, and then I heard the sound I loved: Alice's quivering voice, sounding almost as if she were crying, calling out my name. Despite having just come, I fell over the edge once again, with her this time, a keening cry falling from my lips as my body tensed and relaxed in her arms.

Just as Alice let her body fall limply into mine, her hot breath warming my shoulder as she panted tiredly, I heard the low growly-groan, the one that I would recognize anywhere as the sound of Jasper's pleasure, from behind us. Turning my head quickly to look over my shoulder, I moaned deeply and tightened my grip on Ali's hair as I watched Jasper make himself come with his hand.

I licked my lips at the sight of his hand wrapped around his length, a sight I'd seen so many times on skype, but never in person. It was ridiculously sexy.

"When did you get here?" I asked when he opened his eyes again a moment later, leaning my cheek against Ali's forehead. "I didn't hear you come in. Or open the shower door, for that matter."

"You were a little preoccupied, baby," he said with a smirk. "I was just in time to see how dirty my wife could make the process of getting clean. And I couldn't take my eyes off the two of you."

I felt Ali shrug. "She was wet and naked, Jasper. How could I resist?" She let her arms drop from around me. "But now it looks like_ you_ need to get clean," she added, making me giggle softly. "Hand me a towel?"

"You don't have to get out," Jasper offered as he rose from his seat on the counter.

"If I don't get out now, I never will. And you should take a few minutes with our girl." I didn't need a mirror to know that my expression probably matched Jaspers, and he looked an awful lot like a deer caught in the headlights, but Ali shook her head, leaning up to kiss me on the cheek before taking a step toward Jasper. "It's ok. Really," she assured, resting her palm on his chest and looking up into his eyes. "No eggs; I promise."

Jas looked over the top of her head to meet my eyes, silently asking me if I was ok with this. Deciding to trust my girlfriend, I nodded, and so he picked up Alice's towel and kissed her gently as he wrapped it around her, then stepped into the warm water with me.

Alice smiled at us, then closed the shower door and walked out of the bathroom. Jasper wasted no time stepping closer to me, slipping his arms around my waist and pulling my naked body against his. With his chest pressed against mine, I could feel how hard his heart was still beating and smiled as I rested my lips on his shoulder. His fingertips moved slowly over my back, barely grazing the skin with each pass.

"I don't know how we got here," I whispered into his shoulder. "This all feels like a dream."

"Are you referring to last night, or to this relationship in general?"

Pulling back to look him in the eye, I studied the deep brown irises I'd come to love so much. I could see so much in his eyes at that moment, and wished with all my heart that I could make the hurt and the fear go away. But I hadn't caused those feelings, so I knew that I could only do so much.

"Both, I guess," I replied softly. "But I mostly meant last night."

He shook his head. "I've got nothing in the way of an explanation. I'm as lost as you are; I'm just trying to be grateful for the fact that I didn't lose everything that mattered to me last night, even though I got close."

"I know what you mean," I whispered just before pressing my lips to his. I let my hands travel up his arms and find their way into his wet hair, holding him so that he wouldn't pull away from me.

The water poured down around us as we lost ourselves in that kiss. Some part of me still feared that it could be the last one we'd share, so I ignored the warm water that was slipping into my mouth through my lips as they parted between kisses, just swallowing it down and kissing Jasper harder.

When I finally pulled pack from his lips, I gasped for air and then slid my hands down to wipe the water away from his eyes, and then held his cheeks between my hands. When he opened his eyes, I smiled. "I love you," I mouthed silently, not wanting to risk saying the words out loud again.

"I love you, Bella," he mouthed back, stroking my cheek.

"Let me wash you," I requested as I reached down to pick up the bottle of shampoo. When he agreed, I poured a bit into my hand and then stood upright again, bringing my hands to the top of his head.

Jasper was taller than me, which gave me an excellent excuse to press my body as close to his as possible so that I could massage the shampoo into his hair properly. It didn't take long, since his hair was so short, and so I used the excess lather on my hands to clean his entire body, my hands moving across every inch of his body with both intimacy and innocence at once. I wasn't trying for more – I didn't need it.

When I finished washing him, he used his hands, still resting on my hips, to guide me as he switched places with me, positioning himself under the water so that he could rinse the soap from his body and hair. I watched with rapt attention as the water cascaded over the hard planes of his abs and the black ink that covered the defined muscles in his right arm.

I was so absorbed in looking at his body that I didn't realize that he'd wiped the water from his eyes and was looking at me with a smirk on his face. "Like what you see?"

I raised my eyes to meet his as I felt the blush cover my face, and offered a shrug. "It's not bad."

Scowling playfully, he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me to him. "Not bad?"

"Ok, ok, I like it!" I said through giggles as my feet came off the shower floor. When he set me safely back down with a kiss on the lips, I shook my head. "I would have thought that was obvious."

"Still nice to hear it sometimes," he said, smiling. "Now, did you get your hair washed already?"

I shook my head. "No...We um... We got a little distracted."

"Yes, I noticed," he replied. "And I'm definitely not complaining." He let go of me and reached down, picking up a bottle. "This the right one?" he asked, showing it to me.

When I nodded, he squeezed some into his hand, then stood back up, bringing his hands to my hair. I stood there, facing him, as his fingers worked the shampoo into my hair, his touch effective, yet so tender, and just gazed into his eyes. There were a million thoughts running through my head, but I somehow knew I didn't need to voice a single one of them. His eyes, staring back into mine, told me that he understood.

The water was already starting to cool down as I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair, so I used the conditioner on my own, fingering it through my long hair and then kissing Jasper as I let it soak in. He reached around me, trying to turn the hot water up, but I shook my head. "It's as hot as it can go. Just get out. I'll rinse quickly and follow you."

He kissed me one last time and then opened the shower door, grabbing his towel off off of the counter and wrapping it around his waist as he stepped out. I shivered under the cold water as it rinsed the last of the cream out of my hair, then quickly turned it off and opened the shower door again, finding Jasper standing there with a towel held open for me. Appreciating his consideration, I stepped into his open arms and let him wrap me up in the warm towel.

About fifteen minutes later, which, in my opinion, was entirely too soon, the Whitlock's SUV was loaded with their things and we were standing just inside my front door, saying good bye once again.

"You'll call me when you get home?" I asked.

"Of course, sweetie," Alice assured. "And I might even text you from the road, who knows?"

"Do you have something to do today?" Jasper asked.

I nodded. "I've got some things to get ready for work tomorrow, and I want to finish that magazine article I was working on... Plus I have to go to the store and get a few things for Esme's visit."

He squeezed my hand. "Good. You'll be too busy to miss us."

"Hardly," I replied, knowing that I'd miss them the second the stepped out of my door.

Alice looked down at her phone, and then stepped toward me. "I wish I didn't have to say this, but..."

"I know, I know... You have to go now," I finished reluctantly. This was my least favorite part of our relationship. Well, that and the ridiculous egg-throwing drama we'd been experiencing far too much of lately. She pulled me into a hug. "I'll miss you," I whispered as my lips grazed her ear.

"I'll miss you too," she replied, letting her lips trace the line of my jaw until she was kissing my lips. "But I'll see you soon."

"We'll have that talk soon, right?" I reminded, pulling away.

"Tomorrow night. I promise."

Nodding, I let go of her and stepped to my right, directly into Jasper's waiting arms. I buried my face in the spot where his neck and shoulder met, inhaling deeply, filling my lungs with the pure scent of him. His hands rested in the small of my back for a moment as we lingered in the hug, then he reached up with one hand to stroke my cheek. Pulling back enough to see him, I met his gaze, and then his lips. The kiss was slow and soft, yet still full of emotion.

When we finally pulled back to breathe, we found Alice waiting for us, and the three of us shared one final kiss.

"See you soon," I whispered as I let go of their hands.

"Soon," they repeated.

I watched their tail lights disappear around the corner at the end of my street before I walked back into my room and collapsed on my bed. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically, but hopeful that, just like their truck had done moments before, we'd finally turned a corner, and things were going to stay good this time. It was the comfort of those thoughts, combined with the scents of Jasper, Alice and I combining on my pillowcase, that were my company as I drifted off to sleep.

**A/N: I finally got a full time job three weeks ago, so I'm going back to once a week updates, on Tuesdays, once again, after this. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. **

**Until next time... You know...**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is my own. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you so much for all your patience in waiting for this chapter. It was a bit of a rough summer, and between heartbreak, losing dad, and work, writing just wasn't happening. But I'm back and ready to write the rest of this story, so I hope you're all still ready to read it.**

**Thanks also to JaspersBella and Karmabalance for their pre-reading awesomeness and to Mommybrook for helping me focus my ideas. Love ya.**

_ I watched their tail lights disappear around the corner at the end of my street before I walked back into my room and collapsed on my bed. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically, but hopeful that, just like their truck had done moments before, we'd finally turned a corner, and things were going to stay good this time. It was the comfort of those thoughts, combined with the scents of Jasper, Alice and I combining on my pillowcase, that were my company as I drifted off to sleep._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 37**

After a few hours rest, I woke and started my day over again. I had things that needed to be done – getting my house ready for a visit from my mother-in-law, for example, but I just wasn't really in the mood. Thoughts of the incidents of the night before still had me uneasy.

Part of that uneasiness, I had to admit, was related to the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about the incredible lovemaking between Jasper and I the night before when we were alone. I didn't understand it... Really, I could barely breathe just thinking about it. I remembered every second of it, every millimeter of movement, every breath we'd taken. I'd never experienced anything so intense in my life. I had already known that I loved him before that happened, but God... I was sure now that, if I ever lost him, I'd never find anyone who could compare.

That thought, more than anything, terrified me. I wasn't supposed to feel like this.

And then, there was Alice; the girlfriend that I loved, but felt like I would never understand. I'd been ripped apart by her words, then felt her gentle touches this morning. I'd held her close to me as our bodies moved against each other last night, but even when I was touching her, I felt that she was somehow out of my grasp. I wanted her – her body, yes, but also her heart, and that was something I wasn't sure I was ever going to get from her. Alice held all the power over the decision of whether I'd ever really have her. I was pretty sure that she knew that too.

The question was, then, what was she going to do with that power?

Trying my best to push away my worries, I stripped the sheets from the bed and carried them to the laundry room, starting the washer before returning to the linen closet in the hall to gather two sets of clean sheets – one for my bed and one for the bed in the guest room where Esme would be sleeping. As I tucked the sheet under the mattress of the spare bed, it suddenly occurred to me that Edward had never called me back to talk about my admission.

Pausing my work, I sat down on the floor and furrowed my brow, thinking about the fact that it had ben three days since I'd been honest about not loving him. What was he waiting for?

My confusion about the issue was quickly replaced by annoyance. For years now, Edward had held all the power in our relationship. Truthfully, I knew that I'd given it to him somewhere along the way, though I couldn't remember doing so. I could feel the anger bubbling up inside of me, but it wasn't directed exclusively at him, because really, I was more angry at myself for letting him control me than I was at him for doing it.

Shaking my head hard, trying to erase the thoughts as if my head was an etch-a-sketch, I refused to acknowledge the fact that I was giving Alice the same power now. It was different this time, though, I told myself.

"Fuck this," I muttered, walking away from the still only half-made bed and going to fetch my phone from the living room. "I've got to stop over-analyzing everything in my life."

"And maybe I should quit talking to myself while I'm at it," I added, rolling my eyes as I sat down on the couch and dialed Angela's number.

I spent the rest of the afternoon chatting with Angela, making plans for my trip to her house on Thursday and filling her in on what had happened with Alice and Jasper the night before – I'd told her about my relationship the morning after Jasper had broken up with me on skype, when I'd woken up still completely drunk from the bottle of SoCo I'd chugged after his heartbreaking revelation. Being the easy-going girl she'd always been, Angela took my news as if I'd just told her that I ate a cheeseburger for dinner the night before. This morning's news, on the other hand, she didn't take with quite as much calmness, so the first hour of our conversation was peppered with questions about what happened and why I'd let Alice distract me from our problems so easily.

"She's not, Ang. She walked in on me making love with her husband. What woman wouldn't freak out?"

"You can't let this keep happening. She's manipulating you. You deserve better than this, Bella," she tried to remind me.

I wasn't sure that I believed that; Alice was just confused, she was bound to freak out a little, considering everything that was going on. But I knew that she and Jasper were more than I had ever even wished for. It was just complicated, that was all.

"It'll be ok. We'll figure it out."

I wished I had better answers for Angela. The truth was, though, that I'd let Alice do what she did because I didn't want to break up, and I was willing to go along with whatever she threw at me if it meant we could stay together.

Angela was kind enough not to tell me that I sounded like a complete idiot. She didn't need to, though. I knew.

I was putting the finishing touches on my magazine article when Alice texted me when she and Jasper arrived home.

_We just made it back. Long drive. I've got to work in a couple hours, so can we postpone our talk till tomorrow night? I really need to get some sleep._

I read her message with a heavy sigh. I couldn't help but think that, despite her promise, she'd find another reason to put me off tomorrow as well. But what could I do? I couldn't force her to communicate with me.

_Yeah. Get some rest. I'll talk to you later._

_ Thanks baby. Jas said he'd skype you after the kids go to bed._

Feeling both frustrated and insecure, I set my phone down and walked to my kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of St. Ides. I was starting to wish that I'd never gone in to sit on the couch with Alice the night before. At least when we were broken up, I knew where I stood.

I was lounging on the couch listening to Santana, halfway through my second bottle of St. Ides when my phone beeped at me, announcing that I'd gotten a tweet. I noticed that I was a little buzzed when I sat up to retrieve my laptop from the coffee table, and giggled a little when I opening up my twitter application and saw that the message I had received was from Maria... It was as if she knew that I was playing our song!

_ToBeACullen Hola Beautiful... How's my girl?_

_ MistressMaria I'm good. Just relaxing a bit. Awesome to see you here – so glad you came!_

_ ToBeACullen I didn't come yet, Beautiful. But you could help me change that..._

I laughed as I read her tweet, shaking my head. I should have known better. Maria could, faster than anyone I'd ever met, I was sure, turn a conversation to sex. I'd never minded it before, seeing as how, during our time together, I'd wanted her nearly as much as I'd wanted oxygen. But things were different now; so different. She was with Felix, and I was in love with Jasper and Alice. But no one knew that; I had a cover to keep, if I wanted to keep Alice happy. So I decided to play along, just a little bit.

_MistressMaria Oh, you know that I would... But you're just a little too far away._

_ ToBeACullen Never too far away for you to affect me, Beautiful. I've been thinking of your neck... How I miss running my tongue over it._

I shivered as I read her tweet... I remembered the feeling well, despite how long it had been. But as that memory crossed my mind, I was distracted by a more vivid one: the way it had felt when Jasper's stubbly chin had rubbed against the sensitive skin over my throat as his lips traveled over my shoulder and neck. Instantly, I was covered in goosebumps.

This would certainly not be the first time I had done something like this on Twitter, but it _was_ the first time since I'd gotten involved with the Whitlocks. It didn't feel right to me. Guilt ate at my gut; confusion clouded my mind. I was sure that, if I backed away from Maria, it would draw suspicion. I was supposed to be single. Well, as single as a married woman can be. So I replied.

_MistressMaria You always were good at that... But my favorite was when your mouth reached my ear...and you pulled it with your teeth._

_ ToBeACullen Dios, I want you... -pulls you against me, forcing your curves against mine, massaging your breasts as I nibble your ear-_

I was intrigued by her behavior, though not entirely surprised. Maria was a bit of an exhibitionist, that had been clear on our first night together when she put on such a show in the center of the dance floor. Virtually molesting me on Twitter for all of our friends to watch wasn't that different, really. But it wasn't just our friends who could see. Jasper could too. And Alice.

_MistressMaria -moans softly and slides my hands down your back, stopping to fill my hands with your luscious ass-_

_ ToBeACullen You want to test the limits of my lipstick, Beautiful? I'm wearing your favorite one... and nothing else..._

My phone announced Maria's tweet and Jasper's text within seconds of each other. Setting my laptop on the couch beside me, I picked up the phone to read his message.

_I was going to ask if you wanted to skype, but I wouldn't want to interrupt... _

Immediately, the guilt returned in full force. My throat felt tight, like I was choking on my own misdeeds. Ignoring my macbook, I replied to my boyfriend.

_Just keeping up the illusion of being single, I promise. I'm not interested in anyone but you and Ali. Call me. I miss you._

I closed my Twitter app while I waited for Jasper to skype me. I felt a little bad leaving Maria hanging the way I did, but I figured that she was just playing with me anyway, it's not like she was serious about any of it; she'd get over it in minutes. I just hoped that Jasper wasn't really upset with me. The longer I waited for him to call, the more I worried about it. I thought about how jealous I'd felt when I saw him chatting with one of Alice's friends on Twitter the week before. It had burned in my gut, even though he'd just been casually chatting with her about a television show – no sign of flirtation whatsoever.

I had just convinced myself that my earlier logic was completely off base and that I had ruined things with Jasper when the ringing of a skype call sounded on my macbook. Sucking in a sharp breath of worry, I clicked accept and waited for my life to fall apart.

"Hey you..." Jasper filled my screen, his guitar sitting haphazardly across his lap as he reached forward to adjust his screen, and I let go of the breath I was holding.

"I'm sorry," I replied, not bothering with a greeting. "Really, I wasn't serious, I just..."

"Stop, B," Jasper interrupted. "I know. I get it. I'm not going to say I loved it. I might have been a little bit jealous. But I get it."

"I didn't even like it, I swear. I couldn't stop thinking about you and Ali."

He smiled, a mix of relief and perhaps a bit of smugness. I controlled the urge to laugh, but just barely.

"It would have been hot, really... If it had been Ali you were tweeting. I wouldn't have minded watching _that. _Who the hell was that chick anyway?" he asked.

I realized, at that moment, that while I'd told him about having previous experience with a woman, I'd never been specific about the details. I probably should have told them the minute Maria came to Twitter, but I really hadn't thought that it would ever be an issue. At some point in the near future, I'd realize that such an assumption had been ridiculous, seeing as how I'd read Maria's email and should have suspected... But it truly had been an honest mistake at the time.

"Um..." I said, stalling for time as I nervously bit my bottom lip. "Do you remember how I told you that I'd had a relationship with a girl once before?"

"Yeah," Jasper replied tentatively.

"Maria is that girl."

Jasper's lips immediately turned downward and his brow furrowed. A moment passed between us in silence; I was too uncomfortable to say anything else.

"So the woman you were just playing around with on Twitter was a woman you've actually..."

I found myself desperately wishing that I could crawl through my computer screen and prove to Jasper just how much I loved him, how much he could trust me. But with that not an option, I could only beg him to believe me.

"I have, Jas," I said softly. "But you're forgetting an important detail: I left her. I was the one who ended things between us, and I did it for reasons that haven't really changed. And I'm in love with you now. I don't want anyone else. Please believe me."

"I do believe you," he said, suddenly paying more attention to the fretboard of his guitar than he was to my face. "But I also believe that, if it weren't for us, you'd be all over Maria in a second."

"Maybe," I said honestly, not wanting to lie to him. "Maybe not. It's not even an issue, though, seeing as how I _am_ with you, and I _want_ to be with you. Nobody else matters."

He sighed, but rather than answer, Jasper moved the guitar from his lap into his arms and, without a word, began playing the song that had recently become my favorite – the one he had written about me. It still wasn't finished, but I loved it just the same. Taking his actions as a sign that everything was ok, I rose from the couch, carrying my macbook with me into my bedroom, where I quickly changed into a nightshirt and settled into my bed to listen to my favorite guitar player serenade me.

The lack of sleep I'd gotten over the weekend must have caught up to me, because I didn't remember saying good night to Jasper, but, when my phone rang, it startled me out of a very pleasant dream. Shocked and confused, I opened my eyes to find my room dark and my macbook still open on the bed beside me. Blinking hard to moisten my eyes, I reached across my computer, to the bedside table and picked up the phone, glancing at the display on the screen as I drew it closer to me.

_2:30 in the morning? Why was Alice calling me now?_

"Hello?" I mumbled, my voice still thick with sleep.

"Fuck you! Fuck you and your big-mouthed whore of a friend!"

"What?" I asked, not understanding why I was being cussed out in the middle of the night by my girlfriend. Again.

"I told you not to fucking tell anyone, but you just couldn't respect my privacy. You went behind my goddamned back and told Victoria, and now that skank is going around telling about us once again. And it's gone too fucking far now – she brought my kids into it!"

Sitting up in the bed and rubbing my eyes, I tried to wrap my mind around the words Alice was screaming at me. I shook my head hard, trying to clear the cobwebs of sleep.

"What in the hell are you talking about, Alice?" I demanded. I didn't understand where any of this was coming from. She'd been aware that Vic knew for weeks; it wasn't news. "And what's this about your kids?"

"I just got a phone call from Lauren," Alice explained. I groaned inwardly and rolled my eyes at the mention of her friend's name – this was bound to be quite the story. "She was at a concert tonight with Jessica, who asked her if I was ok. Lauren, of course, had no idea what she was talking about, so Jess had to explain. It seems that your lying, verbally incontinent, cunt of a friend has been going around telling everyone that you and Jasper are fucking behind my back, that he's going to leave me for you, and that my kids are calling you 'mommy' now. This is fucking bull shit, Bella! I fucking told you to keep your mouth shut, but you just couldn't do it. Fuck you! You and that fucking big-mouthed bitch!"

I heard the click, followed by dead air, letting me know that Alice had decided that our conversation was over.

I was really tired of other people deciding when I was allowed to speak.

I dialed Alice's number and listened to the ring.

"What?" she demanded.

"Don't you dare talk about Victoria that way!" I said furiously. I hadn't realized just how angry I was until I opened my mouth. "That's bull shit, Alice. You get pissed at me for indirectly calling your best friend a bitch, but you think it's acceptable to talk about mine this way? God damn it, Alice! I let you get away with an awful lot. You do and say things to me that I should really get mad about, but I let it slide. I give you a million excuses. But fuck if I'm going to let you insult my best friend. _That_ is something I'll fight you over."

"So you're not even mad at her? You're going to pick Victoria over me?" Alice asked scathingly.

I sighed heavily. Was Alice serious? "I don't recommend asking me to chose, Alice. I care a lot about you, but I doubt you'd like my decision." I paused for a moment, letting my words sink in. My voice remained calm, but my tone left no doubt that I was serious. "Now, if Victoria actually did something wrong, I will be angry with her. But we live in America, Alice. She's innocent until proven otherwise. So why don't you tell me why you think she is in the wrong here."

Alice spoke, her voice terse and cold. "Jessica went to dinner with three fic friends before the concert – Heidi69, JaneLovesPain, and ChelseaEvenLater. They had no idea that Jessica had any connection with me, so while they were eating and gossiping, my name came up. Chelsea said that Victoria told her that you told her that you were having an affair with my husband and that he was going to leave me for you and my kids call you mommy. Now, what do you have to say for your friend?"

Alice finished her explantation with venom in her voice, and I sat in silence, thinking. I had no idea who the three girls that Alice had mentioned were, which meant that Victoria probably didn't either.

"I'm going to look into this, Alice. I'll get back to you."

"What are you going to do?" she demanded. "Are you going to tell Victoria to fuck off?"

"No. I'm not. Not unless she deserves it, that is. I'm going to call her now and ask her if she has been talking about us."

"Oh, and you think she'll just tell you the truth? How stupid are you, Bella?"

I was getting angrier by the second. Alice had a right to be angry, but not to talk to me like this. I was one of the most patient people on earth, but it was taking everything in my power to hold my temper in check.

Victoria was probably the most trustworthy person I knew, and she was certainly not a gossip. She wouldn't break my trust or go around spreading lies about me. "Yes, Alice, I do. Unlike a lot of people, Victoria would actually admit to me if she did something wrong." It was a low blow, but I didn't really care. It was also the truth. "I'll call you later."

"You better do the right thing here, Bella," Alice warned.

"Don't worry, Alice. I will," I replied curtly before ending the call.

Three hours later, when it was almost time for me to start getting ready for work, I finally ended my investigation. I had talked to Vic and looked through the friends list of the three girls who had given Jessica the gossip, as well as Victoria's and my own. Those girls were firmly part of the branch of the fandom that read canon fanfiction. Victoria and I, on the other hand, as well as the vast majority of the people we tweeted with, were from the non-canon branch. No matter how many times I tried to find a connection, there was only one person I could find in common between the five of us and Alice – only one person that we all knew.

Tanya.

Victoria was innocent. There was no way that she'd told three girls, who lived in Florida and never spoke to us, any rumors. It just didn't make sense.

"Not to mention," I pointed out as I made my explanation to Alice. "If Vic was the one spreading the rumor, don't you think she'd spread the truth? I mean, come on, Ali, we're friends with a bunch of perverted women, and we're having a threesome. The real story is _so_ much better than the lies!"

"So that's it?" Alice demanded. "You're just going to believe her?"

I shook my head, irritated. "Yes, Alice," I replied. "Because Vic didn't do this. It makes no sense. The one connection between everyone is Tanya, who we know has talked about us before. How can you not see how obvious this is?"

"Tanya doesn't know anything about us."

"And the rumors aren't true, Alice! None of what's being spread is actually correct." I paused and sighed heavily. "You know what? I'm done talking about this. Believe what you want, Alice. I would hope that, by now, you'd have learned to trust me. Now I've been up all night, I brought you proof, and if you don't want to believe it, don't. I'm done arguing with you. Good night, Alice."

I didn't even wait for her to say good bye, I just ended the call. There were thirty minutes left before I had to wake up to get ready for work, I was going to sleep. The whole day had been a disaster, as had the day before. I had a massive headache, and I was ready for a break.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'd love to hear what you thought.**

Until next time...


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: SM owns the character. This is my storyline, though. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, of course, is due to JaspersBella and Karmabalance for their pre-reading and feedback. **

**Thanks also to all of you who stuck around. Every review for last chapter brought a smile to my face and made me feel great about being back to writing. You are all awesome.**

_ "I'm done arguing with you. Good night, Alice." _

_ I didn't even wait for her to say good bye, I just ended the call. There were thirty minutes left before I had to wake up to get ready for work, I was going to sleep. The whole day had been a disaster, as had the day before. I had a massive headache, and I was ready for a break._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 38**

After only sleeping for half and hour and being stressed out all night, my day at work was really shitty. Luckily there was nothing major going on with the cleanup of the flood in downtown, so Mike offered to go downtown with the staff photographer to get whatever we needed for an update on the story in exchange for me doing the editing on it. That deal was fine by me, especially considering the fact that my attention span was so short that I took me twice as long as usual to get my peer edits done, and I couldn't imagine how bad any piece I tried to write would have been.

The Alice situation weighed heavily on my mind all throughout the day. I felt so much for her, and I desperately wanted to get through to her, to show her that it was ok to let yourself be vulnerable in love, to show her that our love could bring good things to her life. I wanted to tell her that I loved her over and over until she believed it and let me into her heart. I wanted to heal all of the damage that her parents had done to her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and know that she was where she wanted to be, that she felt safe, and that she loved me just as much as I loved her – as much as I loved Jasper. I was starting to wonder, though, if wanting that, even as much as I did, could ever be enough. Was it possible that there was just to much to overcome?

I wasn't a fan of giving up, especially not on people that I loved. Not to mention the fact that walking away from Alice also meant that I'd have to walk away from Jasper. For his own sake, like on Saturday night, I knew that I could do it. But could I do it for myself? Could I wake up every morning for the rest of my life knowing that I'd left him? That I'd hurt him? That I could never kiss him again? I wasn't so sure.

I spent most of the day talking myself in circles, never really getting anywhere. I came to no conclusions about anything other than the fact that I needed to know what had caused Alice to act the way she had, both last night and over the weekend. I needed to know what she wanted from our relationship. I needed to know why the rumors bothered her so much, why she was so determined to keep us a secret – was she ashamed of her sexuality, or of me? When it came to Alice, the only conclusion I could come up with was that I knew next to nothing when it came to her, and what I did know, I didn't, and probably wouldn't ever, understand.

On top of all of this, it occurred to me when I came across the word "husband" in one of the articles I was editing, that Edward had never called back, and it had been several days now. It was easy for that fact to go unnoticed by me, as I talked to him so infrequently these days, but it seemed like, after the way in which our last call ended, there was so much to say. Yet all that existed between my husband and myself, as had become the norm for us, was silence.

I left work frustrated. I was wishing, not for the first time, that I was back in Washington with my dad so that I could go sit at the edge of Puget Sound and watch the ferry boats coast along the endless blue and just get lost in the sound of the water, forgetting the rest of my life. But I couldn't go back to there. Not after... No, I refused to even think about it. Instead, I cursed Arizona's desert landscape and drove to the Phoenix Mountain Preserve instead of going home. There wasn't any water, but there were at least large evergreens and silence.

I didn't have to hike very far onto the trail – a good thing, considering I'd come straight from work, and four inch heels were not exactly made for hiking – before I found a decent-sized clearing. I laid the blanket that I usually used at the park over the sparse grass and laid down on my back, staring up at the sky until the brightness of the Arizona sun became too much for my eyes.

Ignoring the orange tint on the inside of my eyelids that was caused by the strength of the sunlight, I focused on my breathing, just as I always did during yoga, until I had pushed all troubling thoughts from my mind and the only thing that I could hear was the sound of the light breeze rustling the leaves. For the first time in weeks, I wasn't thinking about the Whitlocks. And for once, the silence around me wasn't deafening; it was peaceful.

I must have drifted off at some point, because I was quite startled when the sound of an incoming text on my phone shrilly disrupted the silence around me. I stretched my arms and legs, arching my back a bit to relieve the discomfort of having laid so long on the forest floor, and finally opened my eyes, surprised to see that the sky was now shades of deep red and orange, with a faint hint of violet at the horizon: sunset was giving rise to twilight. As much as I had enjoyed the rest, I was glad for the text, as I clearly needed to get back to my car before I was abandoned in the dark woods alone.

Ignoring the text for a moment, I quickly folded my blanket and began the short walk through the trees to the parking lot. I wanted to pull my phone from my pocket to see who had messaged me, but the sounds of animals moving in the brush had me a bit on edge, and so I waited, increasing the length of each stride to get myself to the safety of my truck sooner.

Finally, in my seat with the doors locked, I reached for my phone and opened the text message that, by that time, seemed to be burning in my pocket.

_I'm having such a weird day. We have to skype tonight... Alice knows that I'm in love with you._

My heart fell out of my chest cavity and into my stomach, creating a feeling of nausea and inability to breathe. Panic-stricken, I tried to text him back, all the while sure that my life was just about to blow up in my face.

_What? Oh my god... What did she say?_

I wanted to get home, but I was too shaken to drive, so I sat in the parking lot and held tight to the steering wheel as I rested my head against it's center while I waited for Jasper's reply.

_She thinks that I should tell you. _

I stared at the phone. That was really not where I'd expected the conversation to go.

_What?_

_She said I'd feel better if I just said it out loud. She's just left for work, and she spent all afternoon pushing me on this. She wants me to tell you tonight._

Once again, I wasn't sure how to reply. Alice was nothing if not an enigma, but this felt really odd to me. And, because it was clearly the story of my life for things to get continually get weirder, another text came in before I could think of a way to answer Jasper. This one was from Alice.

_Hey baby... J needs to talk to you tonight. Are you going to be around?_

I realized that I couldn't admit to Alice that I already knew what the conversation was about without acknowledging that Jasper and I had already had the love conversation, so I decided to play along, acting as if this was all a shock to me, as it should have been.

_Yeah, he just told me that he wanted to skype... I'm kind of nervous. Is this a conversation I'm going to want to have?_

I could almost hear Alice laughing as I read her reply.

_LOL, I understand why you'd be worried, but I think you'll really like what he has to say. I hope so, anyway. I have some advice, if you'd like..._

My brow furrowed as I set the phone down in my lap. This had just officially become the weirdest conversation of my life. My girlfriend wanted to give me advice on how to handle it when her husband told me that he was in love with me? I closed my eyes and shook my head. There were really no words for this. None.

Before answering Alice, I quickly replied to Jasper.

_Your wife wants to give me advice on the conversation I'm supposed to have with you later. This isn't awkward AT ALL. Guess we'll skype later. TTY then._

The text to him sent, I typed my response to Ali.

_I'm a little weirded out, Ali. Can't you just tell me what's going on?_

_ No. It's his to tell. But don't worry, please. I promise, it's good news. _

_ Ok... go ahead with the advice then._

Her response took more that a minute to come, so I started the car and began the drive home. It wasn't too far, but I didn't want to waste any more time in getting there. I hadn't really eaten anything all day, and my stomach was noisily reminding me of that fact as I waited for Alice's reply, which finally came as I was turning off of the main road into my neighborhood. Figuring I'd already waited that long, I let the message sit until my car was parked in my garage.

_He's going to be kind of awkward... He's nervous. Don't be afraid to tell him to get to the point if he starts rambling. And when it's all done, text me. We can celebrate together. I'm excited to hear what you think!_

Just when I thought it couldn't get any stranger... I stared at the phone with an incredulous expression on my face. My girlfriend, who enjoyed having sex with me but didn't want to have feelings for me, wanted to celebrate with me when her husband told me that he loved me. Saying it out loud did not make it sound any better. It was _weird_. I momentarily wondered if there was a group discount for therapy... I was starting to think we all might need a little.

_Yeah...ok. Gonna eat now. Have a nice night at work. I'll text you after I talk to J, I guess._

The text was awkward, but hell, in my opinion, the whole fucking situation was downright uncomfortable. Closing the garage door as I stepped into the house, I set the phone down on the dining room table and walked into the kitchen, wondering why I couldn't ever have a normal relationship moment.

I was just about to open the freezer to look for dinner when I noticed that there was a note taped to the front of it.

"Oh crap," I said aloud as I saw that it was from my mother.

_Bella,_

_ Phil and I came for dinner, but you weren't here. Normally I would have just left when you didn't answer the door, but I hadn't heard from you since you dropped off the car on Saturday, so I came in to make sure you weren't laying on the floor dead or something. You weren't. So I decided to leave you this note. _

_ I hope everything is ok, honey. If you and Victoria had a fight, you know that you can talk to me about it... I love you, Isabella Marie, no matter what. You can tell me anything, please don't doubt that. It's ok about dinner... We'll do it next week, or later this week if you want. I love you, honey. Call me. - Mom_

I couldn't help but laugh at my mother's odd way of knowing me. Once again, she was so close, yet so far away from the truth. I would never understand why she was so convinced that Victoria and I were involved, I mean, she'd seen us together many times before Vic had moved away. For some reason, though, she was convinced that the fact that my best friend and I still spent time together every month despite the distance meant something more than it really did.

Tossing the note into the trash can under the sink, I returned to the freezer and pulled out a Lean Cuisine and popped it into the microwave before walking back to the dining room for my phone.

"Hello?"

"Mom, I'm so sorry," I began. "I forgot all about dinner tonight. I went to the park after work."

"You want to tell me what's wrong?" she asked.

Not really, I thought. But I had to give her something – she'd never let it go otherwise.

"I had an argument with a friend this weekend," I answered, choosing an answer that was true, just vague. "Not with Victoria," I added. "And we're just friends, Mom. When are you going to believe that?"

"Maybe when you do," she replied cryptically. I responded with a silent eye roll. "Is everything else alright, honey?"

"It's fine, Mom. Really. I just got lost in thoughts today and forgot dinner. Can we do it Wednesday instead?"

"That's fine," she replied. "Do you want Phil and I to bring the wine?"

"Please. And don't forget that Esme is coming this weekend. I really don't know what we're doing yet, but keep Sunday open, because maybe we'll do breakfast or something. Ok?"

"Sure. It would be lovely to see her again. Is Dr. Cullen not coming with her?"

I almost laughed out loud. Dr. Carlisle Cullen come here? No, certainly not. Edward had learned his "work ethic" from his father – neither one of them Cullen men seemed to see fit to take time off of work for something like visiting family. My father-in-law was a wonderful man, there was no denying it, but I'd wondered a lot when I first met Edward's family how Esme lived with a husband who seemed to love his job more than he did her.

And then I became Esme, and I understood that sometimes you put up with things that are out of your control in hopes that they might magically change on their own.

"No, Mom. Carlisle isn't coming; he has to work. It'll be a girl's weekend." I tried to speak in a way that conveyed the smile that I was forcing. I was really more nervous about seeing my mother-in-law than I'd ever been before, even counting the first time I'd met her, which came _after_ I'd married her only son. It must have worked, because Renee seemed satisfied, and I was able to say goodbye to her and end the call when the microwave announced that my dinner was ready.

A short time later, I was sitting in a hot bubble bath trying to relax a little before my skype with Jasper. Staind played softly in the background, and I couldn't help but think that the lyrics to the song were perfect for how I felt about Jasper and Alice as I softly sang along.

"And in this world, where nothing else is true, here I am, still tangled up in you. How long has it been, since this storyline began? And I hope it never ends, and goes like this forever..."

Despite all the problems we'd been having and everything I'd thought about all day, I couldn't deny that I loved them. I couldn't fight it. My thoughts were constantly wrapped up in the Whitlocks, I planned my day around texting with them and skyping with Jasper. Hell, I'd even been waking up in the middle of the night just to share a few minutes on the phone or text with Alice while she was on her lunch break. I wasn't complaining, though. I was in love, and so I gave everything that I could. I had to believe that my pessimistic worries about us never working were wrong, and that somehow, these hard times would be worth it in the end, when we lived happily ever after.

My daydreams were interrupted by the ringing of my phone. Grabbing the towel beside the tub I quickly dried my hand on it and then reached for the phone.

I smiled as I looked at the display on the screen, and then clicked the icon to accept the call. "Hey Leah!" I greeted, happy to hear from the friend that I'd made on the plane home from L.A. and steadily gotten closer to ever since.

"Bella, hi! How's your day going?"

"Eh," I grunted noncommittally, shrugging to myself. "I've had better. Had another fight with Alice yesterday – she was cussing out Vic to me for telling everyone about our relationship, which was bull shit, because Vic had nothing to do with the rumors."

"I hope you told her off," Leah said in a warning tone, her protective nature evident in her voice. As I'd suggested, Leah had joined the fandom and twitter, quickly making friends with some of the people I was closest to, including Victoria and Angela. She fit right in with us, and while we had so many things in common, I often thought that it was her differences that made her such a great contribution to the group. It was one of the reasons that I'd told her about my relationship with the Whitlocks so early on in our friendship: I valued her perspective and opinion, and especially her straightforward nature.

"Oh, don't worry," I said wryly. "I was furious. She can cuss _me_ out all she wants, but I don't care how much I love her, she's not going to call Victoria a cunt and get away with it. Nobody hurts the people I care about. I'll fight anyone over that, even Alice."

"Good for you," Leah replied. "Hoes over br... other hoes?" We both fell into giggles. "I talked to her earlier, by the way. On Twitter."

"Who?" I asked, confused. "Alice or Vic?"

"Alice," she replied. "I was tweeting about my mom - she was making me crazy again – and Alice started a conversation about our mothers." Leah paused for a moment, and I tried to fight the jealousy that rumbled low in my gut. "How much do you know about her past?" Leah asked. I could hear the character of her voice change from friendly gossip to professional curiosity. Leah was a psychologist, and a damn good one, as far as I could tell.

"Just a little," I replied. The truth was, I knew next to nothing. Alice wouldn't talk to me about her family or her past, and while I wanted to be happy that she'd share it with Leah, or anyone, for that matter, because I knew that she really did _need _to talk about it, I hated that she'd chosen someone other than me. I wanted so badly for her to open up to me, but she just wouldn't.

"I know it was just a few tweets," she continued, "but I get the feeling that there's a pretty awful history there. Does she see a therapist or anything?"

"No," I answered softly, worry for the girl I loved replacing my jealousy. "Like I said, I don't know much. But there was a period of time that she spent in a mental hospital. I'm not sure why she was there. I just know that her parents basically abandoned her there and she left as soon as she was eighteen and allowed to sign herself out. She's refused any sort of treatment ever since, according to Jasper."

Leah sighed heavily on the other end of the line. "That information, combined with everything you've told me and all I've seen directly from Alice is concerning, Bella. I don't know what they were treating her for before, but she's got some pretty classic symptoms that draw my concern. You need to be careful, ok?"

"Careful how? What are you thinking?"

"I shouldn't say more than I have. Just be careful. For your sake as much as hers." It was cryptically spoken, but I knew that Leah wouldn't say more. She was the type to give you something profound and wait for it to simmer in your mind before she said anything more about it. As expected, she changed the subject after a short pause. "So, Tyler is coming over tonight..."

I sat up straighter, excited to hear what she'd have to say about the guy that, no matter how much she swore she wasn't interested, kept coming to her place with alcohol and a hard cock.

"Tell me more," I encouraged, laughing softly, glad to have a girly gossip session to interrupt the heaviness of all of the thoughts in my mind.

One giggle-filled girl talk later, I was out of the tub and slipping into my pjs. Jasper had texted me a few minutes before that he was tucking Peter and Charlotte into bed, so I knew that his skype call would be coming soon. As expected, I had barely climbed up onto my bed when the ring came through my macbook.

I smiled as the video image of my boyfriend's face filled my screen. "Hey you," he said, smiling to one side as he always did.

"Hi," I replied softly, a shy smile tugging at my lips as my face tilted down toward my lap and I looked up at him coyly with just my eyes. "So I hear you want to talk to me..."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, this is... Silly. I mean, we're going to have to make up a story about me telling you that I love you for the first time. I guess we should come up with something now," he suggested, though it sounded more like a question.

"Yeah," I said, grimacing a little. I hated that we had to lie to Alice. "I guess we should. I think she'd believe it if I said you rambled a bit and were all twitchy, and then you finally just said it straight out."

"Yeah, that sounds about like me..." he replied, laughing.

"It's basically the truth, anyway. We're both awkward as all hell right now."

He chuckled a little. "That's very true. So, uh... I love you."

"Wow, thanks," I replied, shaking my head. "I, uh, love you too."

"Alright, well, that's out of the way. Go ahead and text Ali; she'll be waiting."

I picked up my phone and started to type, sighing a little as I did.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Jasper asked.

"I just feel weird sending this text," I replied. "And our whole share and tell thing tonight was just all kinds of special... I just... I don't know. It feels cheap."

"It's not real, though. You know that, Bella. Me loving you isn't new. This is just to make things... Official, I guess."

"I know... I guess I just kind of wish we had something better to remember. We both screwed up the first time we said it to each other, and now this..." I paused, shaking my head. "God, I'm being an idiot. It doesn't matter."

"Hey," Jasper called, his face softening. I could tell by his expression that, if he'd been in the room with me, he would be holding my face in his hands. I looked up at him, waiting for him to continue. "We messed it up, sure. It wasn't a movie moment. But that doesn't make it any more real. It was just... Us." He shook his head and chuckled softly. "I love you, Bella. You are so special to me, so sweet and beautiful. You're... I just love you, baby. Pretend that the first time we said it was in your bed the other night if you need to. Just know that the feelings were there the whole time, even when the romance wasn't."

Tears silently made their way down my cheeks. "I love you, Jasper Whitlock," I replied, reaching out to touch the screen in front of me, my heart aching to touch him for real. He didn't think I was silly; he understood me. "I love you so much. Thank you."

Through my tears, I picked up my phone and nervously typed a message to Alice, feeling completely uncomfortable about the conversation I was about to have with her.

_He told me. I have no idea how to talk to you about this, so please lead me. I'm as awkward as he is now._

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Is your head spinning as much as Bella's? I'd love to hear what you think!**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: SM owns the characters of Twilight. The plot of this story is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to JaspersBella and Karmabalance for their pre-reading commentary.**

_He told me. I have no idea how to talk to you about this, so please lead me. I'm as awkward as he is now._

**Such Great Heights **

**Chapter 39**

Jasper picked up his guitar and began to warm up his fingers while I nervously waited for Alice's response. It came more quickly than expected, according to the time display on my phone, but never before, I was sure, have two minutes taken longer to pass.

_Well come on, aren't you excited? I really thought you'd be happy. You're kind of ruining this for me, Bella._

I stared at the text message, mouth agape.

"What?" Jasper asked, no longer playing scales at four times the speed I usually did.

I read the text to him, then paused for the words to sink in. "What in the hell is she playing at?"

My boyfriend shook his head and shrugged. "I don't think she's playing anything, sweetheart. I talked to her for an hour about this earlier – she swore that she wouldn't have encouraged me to tell you if she wasn't ok with it. I really think she meant that."

I wasn't so sure. And really, even if she _was_ ok with what Jasper just told me, I still didn't understand it. How could she be? And how on earth was I supposed to talk to her about it?

_Bella, I wouldn't have talked to you about this if I had a problem with it. If you're feeling weird because of me, don't. I'm fine. Now tell me... Are you happy?_

Sighing softly, I forced myself to accept Alice's words as truth and just go along with things, despite my misgivings.

_Yes, I'm happy. How could I not be?_

I knew the answer to my question already, but typed it anyway. How could I not be? Well, for starters, my boyfriend and I were in love, but I was in love with my girlfriend too, and couldn't tell her. I wanted so much for this to be something that we could all share, and it nearly broke my heart that we weren't.

_Good. I knew it was right for him to tell you. He must feel so much better. I assume you returned the sentiment?_

I almost wanted to laugh. The thing Alice didn't understand – and granted, this was because Jasper and I had kept our feelings from her up until this point – was that it wasn't the need to say these words that had her husband on edge, it was fear and anxiety about the words _she'd_ said over the weekend, and the confusion as to why everything had changed. But rather than say that, because I couldn't admit to her that we'd been less than honest, I just answered her question.

_ Yes._

_ That makes me happy, baby. This is a good thing. Now go celebrate with our guy._

She wanted me to throw confetti and hold a parade, but the only thing I wanted to throw right now was my phone, and the only thing I wanted to hold was her. I was desperate to type it right that second, to tell her I loved her too, without fear of her reaction or the consequences. But that wasn't the way I wanted to say it to her. Jasper and I messed up the first time we confessed our love; I wouldn't do that with Alice.

_I will. But Ali, when are we going to talk? It was supposed to be tonight._

_ I know, I know... But I didn't want to ruin Jasper's night with you. Tomorrow. I promise. The kids are going to the neighbor's house for dinner, we'll skype while they're gone._

_ Ok... But no excuses tomorrow. I'll talk to you later, Ali. Have a good night at work._

Jasper and I didn't celebrate the way that Alice had expected. Instead of getting naked and getting off, I laid in my bed, cuddled into the pillows that still bared Jasper and Alice's scents, and gazed at him, listening to his gravely voice as he sang for me. As far as I was concerned, that was the best way to spend a night when I was far away from him.

The next morning I woke with a smile on my face from a dream in which Alice and I laid on either side of Jasper, holding hands across his stomach, in a fancy bed. I could tell from the surroundings in the room that it was a hotel, but it wasn't until Alice and I reached across Jasper, our hands softly holding each other's cheeks, that I saw the shine of silver on our fingers and understood what was going on. A quick glance found the same ring on Jasper's finger as well.

I daydreamed of the three of us committing ourselves to each other while I showered, picturing Alice in a beaded, strapless gown as I dried my hair, and imagined the toast that my dad would give at the reception as I toasted a bagel. Deep down I knew that , while the fairy tale images in my head were lovely, the issue was much more complicated than all that, but I couldn't see the harm in enjoying the dream for awhile longer anyway.

My mind was immediately quieted, however, but the ringing of my phone as I was turning out of my driveway on the way to work. Looking down at the display, I saw that it was Esme calling.

"Hello, Bella dear," she greeted after I said hello. "How is your morning so far?"

I thought back over the way I'd spent my morning with a slightly guilty conscience, but replied cheerfully and honestly. "Nice, really. I slept well last night – good dreams. How are you, Esme? All packed?"

"I'm well, thank you, dear, although my bag is nowhere near ready." she replied with a soft laugh. I wasn't surprised – Esme was seemingly perfect at everything with the exception of packing, which she always left until the last minute. "But actually, I wasn't calling just to chat."

"Oh? What did you need?" I asked.

"Have you spoken to Edward lately?"

_Did she really not know?_ "Um... It's been about five days, I suppose," I replied tentatively.

Esme hummed thoughtfully, then spoke again, worry coloring her tone. "It's been even longer for me. Did he say that he was going away?"

I wondered why she was so concerned. It wasn't at all unusual for me to go several weeks without hearing from Edward. Clearly this week presented a special circumstance, seeing as how our last conversation had been so monumental, but she didn't seem to know about that.

"No, he didn't mention anything. But it's only been five days, Esme. I don't think you need to be concerned. Surely that's not unusual."

"Of course it is!" she cried. "It has been seven days since my son called me, Bella, and five days since he called you. Edward has never let more than three days pass without a call or email since he arrived in Kenya. Why aren't _you_ more worried, Bella?"

I wasn't quite sure how to react. I knew that, if I still loved Edward, I'd be filled with hurt and anger, and likely jealousy. But I didn't love him, and this information just proved to me that, no matter how many fake tears he cried on the phone, Edward didn't love me either.

"I don't talk to him nearly that often," I replied softly, embarrassed.

Esme seemed taken aback. "Well of course you do, darling. It probably just seems so much longer because you miss him so much." She paused, clicking her tongue softly and then sighing. "I just hate this for you, dear. We'll look for plane tickets while I'm there this weekend. I'll go with you, Bella. I know you're nervous about making the trip alone again."

I wondered how I'd ever explain the truth to this woman that I loved so much. Fortunately, it wasn't a question I had to answer immediately, since I was turning into the newspaper's parking lot.

"I'm just getting to work, Esme, so I have to go now. But I promise I'll tell Edward to call you if I hear from him. There's probably just a problem with the phone lines or something – you know that's happened once or twice before. Try to relax, alright?"

"Yes, Bella dear. I will try," she agreed rather reluctantly.

"I'll see you on Friday, then," I said.

"Friday."

It wasn't until after I hung up the phone that I really started thinking the whole call through. Edward hadn't had any contact with his mother since I'd told him how I felt. Why? Was he somehow being prevented from calling, or was his silence a matter of choice? I pondered the issue as I locked my car and walked into the building. By the time I reached my office, there was only one question in my mind: Where _was _Edward?

My morning passed slowly, and I fought the whole time, trying to quiet my mind. I was worrying equally about the Edward situation and the conversation I was scheduled to have with Alice after dinner. The cryptic advice that Leah had given me the day before really wasn't helping either. I hated the situation I was in – I knew next to nothing about everything that mattered to me.

Finally it was lunch time, and Mike Newton popped his head into my office just as I was gathering my things to leave.

"Hey, do you have plans for lunch?" he asked.

It was an easy question to answer. I hadn't done anything other than the usual texting with Jasper during my lunch break since the first night in Vegas.

"No, I was just going to sit in the park."

"Would you like to go to Olive Garden or something?" He paused, and I was just about to protest when he continued. "I just got off the phone with the mayor's assistant. He gave me some news about the park project, and I think we need to coordinate and plan. It's just a business lunch, Bella. Don't worry."

The look of acceptance on his face when he saw my embarrassed expression told me that he had been hoping not to qualify this as "just a business lunch," but he didn't press the issue, for which I was grateful.

"Just let me get my things together. Do you want to drive, or do you want me to?"

"I'll drive," he replied agreeably.

He waited quietly while I pulled my purse out of the drawer and dropped my iphone into it. Together we walked out of the building and into the parking lot, where it didn't escape my notice that Mike held the car door open for me. I silently admitted to myself that, in another lifetime, one in which I wasn't already in love with two people, Mike might have made a really good boyfriend. I smiled and thanked him as I buckled my seatbelt, and then we headed off to lunch.

The highlight of my day came just after lunch, when I received an email from Carmen with her notes on my article. I was extremely pleased to see that she had made very few corrections, but it was her note at the bottom, the one in which she once again asked me to come work for her, that gave me the confidence that I'd need to forward the final version of the story to Cosmo's editor.

Putting off peer edits, I read Carmen's notes and made a few adjustments to my article, then sent it back to her for one final read-through with a feeling of confidence that was stronger than any I'd felt before. This article was a big step for me. Fashion might not be my end-game, but this article, if Cosmo published it, would put my name on the national writing scene. It had taken me years to feel ready to do this, but there was no question in my mind that it was my time now.

I was barely done washing the dishes when the text alert sounded on my phone. Walking to the dining room table, I picked it up off the table and saw that the message waiting for me was from Alice.

_Are you ready to skype?_

_Give me 2 minutes; I'll be there. _

I'd barely taken a seat on my mattress when the call was announced on my macbook. I quickly clicked my trackpad to accept the call, and an image of Alice and Jasper sitting on the brown leather couch filled my screen.

"Hey," I called softly.

One side of Jasper's mouth twitched as if he were trying to smile, but I could tell that even that tiny gesture had cost him a great deal of effort. Alice looked uncomfortable, and she was squeezing the edge of the cushion she sat on so tightly that her knuckles had turned white.

This conversation was going to be worse than I'd expected, I was sure of that now.

"I don't have long," Alice began. "So let me just get right to the point. You wanted to know why I acted the way I did at your house. This is my explanation."

"Ok," I said, trying to steel myself against the blow.

Jasper looked away from both of us, and Alice sighed heavily before beginning. "I didn't want to come to your house last weekend. I didn't want to come to your house ever again, really. I wanted out."

"Then why didn't you just say so?"

"Just let me talk," she said, addressing only my interruption, not my question. "I _did_ say so. I told Jasper while you were in San Francisco. I told him to end it because I couldn't handle what was happening. But he didn't."

"He did, really," I corrected, interrupting yet again. "I know I was drunk, but I remember that part of the evening rather clearly."

"Yeah, he said the words. But he didn't mean them." She sighed and made at face at Jasper when he scoffed audibly. "You didn't, Jasper. You were doing it for me, but you didn't want to do it. And when I saw how sad you were after, well... I relented."

"Wait a second," I demanded. "You're telling me that you stayed in this relationship out of pity?"

I was disgusted with her. With me. With all of it.

"Not pity. Love. I love Jasper, and I wanted him to be happy. I wanted you to be happy too. I thought I could deal with it; I thought that I'd get used to it."

"Wow... Thanks," I said with a heavy layer of sarcasm, feeling more like a leper with every word she spoke.

"I'm sorry," she replied. "It sounds worse than I mean it to. I'm not good with words."

"Just keep talking," Jasper instructed, shaking his head.

"Fine," she agreed, sighing again. "Anyway, I tried to deal with it, but you have no idea what it's like, watching your husband fall in love with someone else. I just..." Alice paused, taking a few breaths and running her hands through her hair. "I decided to let him be happy. To let him go. That's why I encouraged him to go to see you without me. I had every intention of packing his things for him while he was gone."

I shifted uncomfortably on my bed. Jasper put his head in his hands, elbows on his knees, and tugged on his short hair.

"You guys really fucked up my plan by not agreeing to let Jasper see you alone."

"That's because we want you with us!" I cried. "Why don't you get that? It's the three of us, not two!"

"I know that," she said softly. "Now. But then... Well, let's just say that my perspective wasn't exactly the same then. Anyway, when Jasper refused to go without me, I knew I had to go with him, otherwise I'd have to sit all weekend and watch him pout about not seeing you. So I packed my stuff, including a bottle of Nyquil."

My stomach sank. I had a really bad feeling that I wasn't going to like what she had to say next.

"I took a dose before we started driving so that I could sleep through the drive. I took another dose when we got to your exit. Another one before I came in to the bedroom when you guys were going to play guitar. I took a sip every time no one was looking."

"That's why you were barely able to stand up straight after," I said, my voice flat.

Alice nodded. "Yes. I'd had over half the bottle by that point."

Her revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. She took way more of that medicine than was safe. She could have died. I could have lost her. It had been so close to happening again.

I couldn't even see the screen in front of me anymore. Jasper and Alice were just blurs as the world around me started to disappear. I fought it, desperate not to fall into the memory that I knew was trying to emerge. My breaths came faster and faster as I struggled with the anxiety.

Apparently, Alice could tell. "Are you ok, Bella?"

I shook my head, not sure I could speak.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Really. It was stupid, and I know that. Believe me, I hated the way it made me feel. I never want to feel that way again. You can trust me on that. I won't do it again."

"You took too much on purpose. So you wouldn't have to talk to me," I said softly, only saying it out loud because I needed to hear the words.

"Yes, but..."

I held up my hand, not wanting her to finish the sentence. "Please. Just... Please."

I didn't realize that I was crying until the tears fell from my cheek and landed on my hand. The nausea, however, was not so easy to ignore. I covered my face with my hands and tried to clear my mind, still desperate to avoid the past, but no longer wanting to stay in the present.

"Bella?" Jasper was calling my name, but his voice seemed so far away.

"Bella, baby," Alice called, her voice quivery, almost like she sounded when she came, but I knew that this time it was because she was almost crying. "Please talk to me."

She sounded almost as anxious as I felt, and I wanted to reassure her. I wanted to, but I couldn't.

"Bella," she pleaded once more. "I have to leave to work. Please, just tell me you're ok before I go. Tell me _we're _ok."

I tried to look at her, but my vision was too blurred by my tears and the memories that were trying to absorb me. It was quickly becoming too much. I wanted to answer her, but I couldn't form words, so I just shook my head.

_No, Alice. It's not ok._

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'd love to hear what you thought. More to come soon!**

**Until next time... **


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks to JaspersBella and Karmabalance, who helped me make some important choices with this story. I appreciate you two always supporting me and talking things out with me.**

"_Bella," she pleaded once more. "I have to leave to work. Please, just tell me you're ok before I go. Tell me we're ok." _

_ I tried to look at her, but my vision was too blurred by my tears and the memories that were trying to absorb me. It was quickly becoming too much. I wanted to answer her, but I couldn't form words, so I just shook my head._

_ No, Alice. It's not ok._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 40**

_Charlie looked so broken when he walked through the door. Water fell in thick drops down his pale cheeks from his hair, as if he had made no effort to protect himself from the rain, and he held his sheriff's hat loosely by his side. My father had always been the type of man to put on a brave face, but he wasn't doing that now. I could tell that he had been crying. _

_ "Dad, what's wrong?" I asked, crossing the room to reach him._

_ "Let's sit down, Bells," he suggested, his voice flat._

_ I had been nervous enough because of the way he looked, but his voice made me frightened. I knew that something was really wrong. _

_ Taking a few steps backward, I sat down on the edge of the couch. Charlie sat in his favorite rocker, the one that looked older than I did, leaning toward me as he pulled a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and wiped his face with it. _

_ "It's Jacob, Bells," he began. He stopped speaking and looked at me with eyes that usually showed his wisdom, but now only seemed tired. He sighed heavily. "I don't know how to tell you this." _

_ Jacob was my best friend. He was the son of my dad's closest friend, and for years, when I was young, we spent countless days sitting in a fishing boat together when I visited Charlie in the summers. When I moved to Forks at the beginning of high school, Jacob had taken me under his wing and helped me adjust to my new surroundings. We'd spent hours upon hours sitting in his garage, me handing him tools while he worked on some car or another, talking about school, movies, the future, whatever was on our minds. He was the only person in the world that really knew me. _

_ Things started changing during the fall of our senior year. It was so slight in the beginning that I barely noticed, but by November, it was obvious that Jacob had feelings for me. I didn't want him to; I never encouraged his advances. I was afraid that getting together like that would destroy our friendship. He disagreed, and, at Thanksgiving, we'd argued about it – he said I was a pessimist, and that, if I'd just try, I might just see that we were perfect for each other. _

_ I didn't want to try, though. I knew that Jacob was handsome, but he was like a brother to me. I just didn't like him that way. I tried to dissuade him, even distract him by suggesting other girls. But he wasn't listening._

_ It had come to a head, finally. He'd kissed me, the night before Charlie came home crying, actually. He'd driven me home in the Volkswagon Rabbit he'd just finished rebuilding, and he kissed me at my front door._

_ I pushed him away. "When will you get it through your head, Jake?" I'd yelled. "I don't want to be with you!"_

_ He looked at me pleadingly for a moment, but then dropped his hands from my cheeks, looking defeated._

_ "I'm sorry, Bella. I'll never do it again. I promise. I'll leave you alone."_

_ I wanted to stop him, to tell him I was sorry, to beg him not to be angry. Instead, I let him walk away, thinking that we both probably needed to calm down a little before we talked any more._

_ "What's wrong with Jake, Dad?" I asked, reaching out to hold Charlie's hand. "Just tell me."_

_ My father coughed, trying and failing to disguise the sob that tore through his chest. Tears began to fall from my eyes as well. I didn't know what was wrong, but the sight of my dad crying was enough to break me. With his free hand, he covered his face and took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself._

_ "He's dead, Bells," Charlie said softly. "Billy found his body a few hours ago at the top of the cliffs in La Push." _

_ I was confused. I knew he liked to dive off of those cliffs, but Charlie said he was at the top. It didn't make sense. He couldn't get hurt at the top. _

_ No, Jake couldn't be dead. I had seen him less than twenty-four hours before. He was fine. Several times I opened my mouth to speak, only to find that I couldn't make any sound. Unable to communicate with words, I just shook my head at Charlie._

_ "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I know how hard this must be for you."_

_ "No," I said, still shaking my head. How could my father say this? It wasn't funny. There had to be a mistake somewhere. My best friend couldn't be gone._

_ "There's no doubt, Bella," he answered, seemingly reading my mind. "There was nothing we could do. It happened late last night, as best we could tell. There'll be an autopsy, of course, but cause of death seemed pretty clear."_

_ I was having trouble organizing my thoughts."What... I don't... How?" _

_ "It was suicide, baby. Pills. The bottle was in his pocket." _

_ I started to sob, and Charlie reached out with both hands and pulled me off of the couch and onto his lap, holding me close to him. I could hear his soft whisper that everything would be ok, and that he loved me, but there was no comfort. My dad was lying. Nothing was ok. How could it be, with Jacob gone?_

_ Silently, I rose out of my father's arms and walked up to my bedroom. I didn't speak or eat or even move for days, until Charlie finally made me get up to go to the funeral. I was practically a zombie, barely acknowledging all the people who offered me condolences. I didn't want their sympathy, and certainly didn't deserve it. I'd killed my best friend, after all. _

_ Three days after the funeral, I finally got the confirmation I needed from Jacob's suicide note , which was given to me by his father, Billy. He'd killed himself, he wrote, so that he'd never again have to see the look of rejection on my face. He'd killed himself, he said, because it was the only way to keep his promise to leave me alone._

_ "A life without Bella just isn't worth living."_

_ I'd never forget those words as long as I lived._

_ I didn't cry. I didn't do anything, really, except pack a few bags. I apologized to my father, but I just couldn't do it. Everything about Washington reminded me of Jacob, and I couldn't bear it. I had enough credits, so after a short conversation with my school principal, and a six-hour long exam, I graduated high school a semester early. I was on a plane to Arizona the next morning, and I'd never been back._

_ Yet here I was again._

"Bella? Baby, please. Can you hear us?"

The sound of my name being called startled me. After several blinks of my eyes, I realized that it wasn't 1999, and I wasn't just finding out about Jacob.

My name was being called from the computer, and I remembered that I had been on skype with Alice and Jasper, and that Alice had just admitted to overdosing on Nyquil to avoid me.

I felt dead inside. I wasn't sad or scared or angry or anything. I just... was.

I tapped the tracpad on my macbook, waking up the screen. As the image became more clear, I saw Alice's face on the screen, her mascara staining her cheeks with long lines. She was crying. Jasper was next to her on the couch, and looked distraught.

"Bella? Sweetheart? Please talk to us," he called.

I shook my head. I didn't want to scare them, but I was feeling sick to my stomach, and afraid to speak. What Alice had done, it was just too much like what had happened with Jacob. I didn't know what to say.

"B, please," Alice begged. "Please just tell me you're ok."

I stared at her for a moment without saying a word. Her image started to blur, and when I blinked, my eyes overflowed with tears. I felt as frozen in that moment as I had so many years before. In my mind, I kept asking myself how this had happened to me again.

"Do you really want me to lie to you?" I asked.

She sobbed audibly, but Jasper made no move to comfort her. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"I just... I really don't want to talk right now," I replied. It was the truest thing I could say.

"It's ok. I have to go to work; I'm late. But talk to Jasper. Just... Talk. I'm sorry, Bella. I can see that I hurt you, and I didn't want to do that. I'm sorry."

I looked down at my blankets, not responding to her. She could have died. Her apology didn't mean any more to me than the one Jacob wrote in his chicken-scratch handwriting before he swallowed the pills.

I couldn't talk to her. Not yet, at least. It wasn't even because I was angry, although I certainly was. But worse than anger, I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing, that my words would push her over the edge. I didn't need any more blood on my hands.

I didn't look up at the screen until I heard the door close behind Alice. Jasper sat there still, as silent and unhappy as he'd been the whole call.

"Baby?" he called. "Are you ok?"

"No," I replied, my voice cracking on the words. I shook my head as I started crying again. "No." I looked at him, wishing that he could somehow crawl through my computer screen and wrap his strong arms around me, holding me close to his warm body until I felt safe. Until I wasn't terrified that my girlfriend would be dead the next time I turned around. Until I didn't feel like I might drown in the guilt that came with being responsible for the people I loved losing the will to live. I was starting to panic again. "I can't do this, Jas. I can't be here again."

"I don't know what you mean, baby."

Of course he didn't. I didn't talk about Jake, not to anyone. Neither he nor Ali could have predicted that I'd react this way to what she'd done. Maybe, to Alice, it wasn't such a big deal, but it was too me. It hit me too close to home. It hurt me too much.

_Am I so awful? Is being near me really that bad?_

"I just... Please, Jasper... Just play for me. I don't want to think any more. I have to stop thinking."

"Sure," he replied, sounding confused. "I guess, yeah. Let me just get my guitar – it's in the living room."

"Yeah, ok," I said, dazed. "I'll be right back too."

I set my computer down on the mattress and walked into my bathroom. Opening the medicine cabinet, I looked at the contents for a moment before pulling out a prescription bottle. "This will do," I said to myself.

Twisting open the cap, I reached in with one finger and fished a single pill from the bottle. I put the bottle back in the cabinet and closed it before making my way across the house to the kitchen, where I pulled a bottle of St. Ides from the refrigerator. I stopped long enough to use the bottle opener on the lid of the St. Ides, and then returned to my bed.

Jasper was sitting on the couch again, Epiphone in hand. "Everything ok?" he asked.

The question seemed ridiculous. How many times were they going to ask me that tonight. The answer seemed so obvious.

"No," I answered, repeating my earlier response. "But I'll be better soon," I added with a smile as I tossed the Vicodin into my mouth and washed it down with a generous sip of malt liquor.

Even as I did it, I knew that I was being a complete hypocrite. But one pill and one drink wouldn't kill me, I knew that from experience. It was just enough to take me to a place where I could stop thinking, where music was all that existed. And that's where I wanted – no, needed - to be.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Jasper asked, obviously noticing what I'd just done.

"It's ok, Jas. I know what I'm doing. Just play. Please."

"You know you can talk to me, right?" he asked.

I smiled. "I do. And I appreciate it. But I need you to understand that, at this moment, I just can't. I can't talk. I can't deal. If you want to help me, then play."

He clearly wasn't happy about it, but he nodded anyway. "Whatever will make you happy, sweetheart."

I took another long gulp from my bottle of St. Ides, then laid back against my pillow as Jasper strummed the first notes of the Nirvana cover.

I laid still, eyes closed, through five songs. I sat up, though, when I heard the first notes of the next song, recognizing it immediately. My eyes were wide as I looked at the screen: he was covering Alice in Chain's Nutshell. This was a new song – he'd never played it for me before. I noticed when his finger slipped on a missed note, but it didn't distract me. His voice... God, his voice. It was so smooth as he held that first note, letting it slide down, lower and lower.

My mind was fuzzy, but it wasn't just because of the Vicodin; his singing was so full of emotion, so deep. It was haunting, and I could feel it stirring inside of my heart.

My hand came up slowly to cover my open mouth, and I had to focus to remember to breathe as he began the second verse. He'd never gotten to me this way before, except when he was singing the song he wrote for me.

He looked up from the strings and met my eyes, his cheeks and ears turning red when he saw the expression of awe on my face. I desperately tried to convey to him my admiration and love without speaking, and I had to have been doing something right, because he didn't break the eye contact until the guitar solo needed his attention.

My hand fell from my mouth, but I kept it held in a tight fist over my heart, as if I was using it to keep the organ from leaping out of my chest.

When the song finally ended, he laid the guitar on the floor near his feet and sat back up.

"I love you," I breathed, my eyes closing momentarily as I stopped thinking and just let myself feel all of the emotions inside of me. "I love you, Jasper Whitlock."

"God, Bella," he replied, his voice still thick with emotion as it had been while he was singing. "I love you so much."

Opening my eyes to look at him again, I could see the anguish written in the lines on his face. My poor Jasper had been through so much lately, and tonight was no different. His wife's admission, and then my emotional shutdown, were clearly taking their toll on him.

I knew, as I looked into his eyes through the screen, that I couldn't let him feel like this any longer. I couldn't be the one to hurt him. My heart ached at having caused him pain. I'd do anything in my power to avoid it, even open my deepest wound to let him see all of me.

"I'm ready to talk now," I said softly. "But I need you to understand that this isn't going to be easy for me. The only person other than my parents who has ever heard this story is Victoria."

"You know you can tell me anything, sweetheart. I'm here for you."

My Jasper, always so kind, so supportive. I knew that his words were the truth. I took a deep breath, and began the story, explaining to him who Jacob was, and what had happened to him.

Several times during the telling, I broke down, overtaken by sobs. Each time that happened, Jasper waited patiently, whispering that he loved me, that he wished he could be there to hold me and help me through this.

When I finished the story, I paused, watching Jasper digest all the information for a moment. "Now do you see?" I asked. "I love you, Jasper. And I love Alice. But this... I just, I don't know if I can handle _this_."

"I know it's hard," he replied. "I _know_ that. But please, Bella. Give her another chance. Ali just... She doesn't always handle things the way she should, but..."

"Jas," I interrupted. "She could have _died_." My voice cracked with the emphasis I put on the word. "She did this because of me. What if she does it again, and she does die? I can't take that guilt. I can't take the hurt it would cause you."

"She won't," he said. "And it wasn't because of you; this was about me. She thought she was losing me. She thought I wanted you instead of her. But she knows now. She saw me fight for her on Saturday night; she watched me give you up. She panicked, yes, but now she knows she doesn't need to. Just give her another chance, Bella. Please. I don't want to lose you."

I looked down at my hands, stalling for time while I considered his words. Maybe he was right about this incident, but that didn't mean that Alice wouldn't freak out about something else in the future. Our relationship was filled with complications, and with Alice refusing to communicate about the things that bothered her, it was a recipe for disaster. I could see that now.

At the same time, though, I wanted a reason to hope. I wanted to trust her, to be optimistic, to believe that things could be different, that she'd learned from this experience.

Instead of replying to Jasper, I sent a text to Alice.

_I'm so scared, Ali. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you. I need you to promise me that you won't do this again. I need you to promise me that you'll talk to us the next time something upsets you. Please._

I set my phone back on the mattress beside me and returned my gaze to Jasper. "I'm trying, baby," I said softly.

"That's all I can ask for," he replied. He looked so lost. I wished that I could just put my arms around him and let us both forget the world for awhile.

"Can you just play some more?" I requested. There had been too much heavy for one night, and I was starting to have trouble focusing because of the Vicodin in my system. I just wanted to close my eyes and hear him sing again.

Jasper nodded and picked his guitar and began to play. I kept my eyes on his fingers as they moved across the fretboard, and wasn't distracted from it until my text alert announced Alice's reply.

_ I'll never take too much Nyquil again. I hated the way it made me feel. I don't believe in making promises, though. I can't see the future. I can tell you that I will try to talk about my feelings more, but it's hard for me. _

I closed the text and laid the phone back down without replying. I wiped away a tear with the back of my hand as I turned my attention back to Jasper.

I cried in silence as he played. All I'd wanted was a reason to hope, but Alice wasn't giving me one.

**A/N: This chapter was a tough one to write, although it flowed right out of me. If any of you have ever dealt with losing someone the way that Bella did, I extend my deepest sympathies. **

**I hope that, despite the sadness, you enjoyed the chapter. I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

**Until next time...**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: SM owns the characters. The storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**I'm so sorry to have taken so long in getting this update to you. It's been a couple of months of craziness with moving and getting settled into the new house, and then school starting for the semester, but hopefully I will finish up the next one quickly.**

**Thanks to Karmabalance and JaspersBella and Mommybrook for pre-reading for me.**

_I closed the text and laid the phone back down without replying. I wiped away a tear with the back of my hand as I turned my attention back to Jasper._

_ My tears fell in silence as he played. All I'd wanted was a reason to hope, but Alice wasn't giving me one._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 41**

Jasper played for me for another hour before he got too tired and started making mistakes. Being the perfectionist he was when it came to his music, he put the guitar down and said that it was time to call it a night. Considering the fact that I was barely awake myself – lovely images that complimented his music had been swirling through my mind as if I was watching Fantasia, thanks to the Vicodin - I didn't argue with him.

I ended the skype call and turned on my lullaby playlist, starting the random play with the mp3 of Jasper singing What's Been Going On. I always had the best dreams on the nights that Jasper's voice sang me to sleep.

I was startled out of a truly lovely dream, however, at 2 am when my phone shrieked an announcement of the arrival of a text from Alice. Sleepily, I rolled over and picked my iphone up off of the pillow to read the message.

_I'm sorry, Bella. I think I really upset you earlier, and I'm so sorry for that. Please forgive me. _

I thought for several minutes about how I wanted to respond before I began typing my reply.

_I'm not angry, exactly. Don't misunderstand – I hate what you did. Hate it. But I'm scared more than any other emotion._

_ I'm not going to do that again, B. I told you that._

_ I know, but... Alice, I need to know. Really know. I need you to tell me the real truth, right now. Do you want to be with me or not? It's ok if you don't. Just tell me._

_ Believe me when I say that if I didn't want to be in this, I wouldn't have come back on Saturday night. I would have just... gone._

She would have just... gone? What did that mean? Was she talking about leaving my house, or leaving the world?

_But why did you change your mind?_

_Because I never meant to say it out loud. It was the Nyquil talking. When I told Jasper to go without me, neither of you were ok with it, and I finally saw that it wasn't one-sided._

I wasn't sure exactly what she was referring to, but I found myself fighting the urge to assure her that there was nothing one-sided about this relationship, that I was in love with her, just as I was with Jasper.

I typed the words twice, but deleted them both times. I wanted to tell her, but not via text. That just wasn't the right way. So I decided to tell her something equally as important instead.

_It's not, Ali. It's definitely not. But I can't just turn off my worries. I need you to trust me enough to tell me when things bother you. I'll walk away from this relationship without argument if you want out, you just have to tell me. I just... I can't be the one that hurts you, Alice._

_It's good to know that. I have to get back to work now. We'll talk more in the morning, ok? _

_ Sure. Have a nice night at work._

_ Does this mean you forgive me?_

_ I want to, Ali. _

_ I'll take that. Sweet dreams, sweetie._

I set my phone back down on the mattress and laid back against my pillow, frowning. How was it that I could love Alice, but be so very afraid of her at the same time? Because that's what I was, really. Afraid. I watched every word I said around her, worried that the wrong thing would set off a new problem.

I tossed and turned for awhile, unable to push the disturbing thoughts from my mind. This was something that needed to be dealt with. The relationship between Jasper, Alice and I was never going to have a real chance if we didn't start dealing with our issues. We'd been avoiding them for far too long. I'd been avoiding all of my issues for far too long, and it was time to change that.

I got up from my bed and turned on the light. I dressed quickly, pulling my long hair back into a low ponytail, and then packed a few things in an overnight bag. Holding that and the bag I'd already packed for Angela's house and putting them both over my shoulder, I stopped only to pick up my purse and my guitar, then walked into the garage and put everything in the back of my Lexus.

While I waited for the car to warm up, I sent an email to Eric, letting him know that I wouldn't be going in to work, and then set up my iphone so that it would play through my car speakers with a good playlist. Once everything was ready, I put the car into gear and set out for Las Vegas.

I drove out of my neighborhood and pulled into the first gas station I saw. I wanted to fill up my tank before getting on the road – I had no intention of stopping again until I reached Alice and Jasper's house. I picked up an energy drink too, knowing I'd need help staying awake on the long drive.

As the miles of highway passed under my tires, I found myself too busy thinking about things to sing along with the radio as I usually did when I drove. My thoughts were mostly focused on Alice and the extreme to which she'd gone.

It was plain to see that fear was driving her, just as it was me. The irony of that was that she was afraid of me taking Jasper from her, and I was afraid of her taking him – but also herself – from me. To me, the Whitlocks were one entity: to love one, I had to love them both. And I did, really.

I had to hope that Alice wanted me as much as I wanted her, but that she was just confused by her own feelings and afraid of what it all meant. Her past, whatever it was, had been awful, I knew. But I wanted to believe that, between Jas and me, there was enough love for Alice to overcome her past and her fears. We could teach her what love really was, as long as she was willing to learn.

But _was_ she willing?

On the outside, it seemed like we wanted the same thing, but I wasn't so sure that we did. Feeling like I was caught up in a vicious cycle, I realized how the solution to Alice's fear was the very crux of my own.

Despite her last texts, I wasn't convinced that Alice would let us love her the way that I believed she deserved. In fact, I had very real doubts that Alice even wanted us to. I wasn't convinced that she wanted this relationship, wanted me.

I wanted to forgive her and trust her, but I was as much on edge as I'd been since I returned home from San Francisco to a bottle of Southern Comfort and a heartbreaking skype call. I obsessed over every word that I spoke or texted to Alice, worrying about how my choice of words or phrasing might affect her reaction to them. I clung to every second with Jasper as if he were a life raft and I was adrift in the middle of the sea. I never really relaxed; I was constantly waiting for my world to fall apart.

I shook my head, blinking hard as I tried to fight the sleepiness, and told myself that, even though I was scared, there was still a chance that Alice would really enter the relationship. Maybe the Nyquil incident could be the catalyst for change.

Maybe.

Yawning again, I realized that my thoughts were beginning to repeat. I was only to Kingman, which meant that I had about an hour and a half left to drive. At the rate I was fading, though, I'd never make it.

Looking at the clock on my dashboard, I saw that it was nearly 6:30. It was no wonder I was so tired – I'd been awake nearly all night.

I considered stopping to sleep at the next rest stop, but I needed to get to the Whitlock house before Alice went to bed for the day, and I was already cutting it close. I had to keep driving, so I had to find a way to stay awake. That's when I realized that the only safe thing to do was to use a lifeline.

Despite the hour, I decided to phone a friend.

"What's wrong?" Leah's voice was groggy as she skipped the greeting to get right to the point.

"I'm sorry," I replied. "I know it's a ridiculous hour for phone calls, but I was falling asleep at the wheel..."

"Where are you driving at..." Leah trailed off so that, I could only assume, she could look at her clock. "6:47?"

"Las Vegas."

"What?" she exclaimed. "Why?"

"To have a conversation that has been put off long enough," I replied. `

"Alice still hasn't given you an explanation for Saturday night?"

"Oh, no," I replied in an incredulous tone, shaking my head even though I knew Leah couldn't see me through the phone. "No, she told me. She said that she was only acting like she was because she was high from taking too much cold medicine. On purpose."

"Oh my god," Leah whispered.

"That was pretty much my reaction too," I agreed.

"Bella, cold meds or not, there's more to that story. When people are under the influence, they tend to say more than they regularly would, but what they say also tends to be more truthful. Maybe she didn't mean to say it out loud, but Bella, those feelings are in her."

Releasing a heavy sigh, I reluctantly accepted what I'd already known was true.

"She's jealous. She thinks Jas will leave her for me."

"And she's not handling it well," Leah observed. "But then, not many people do. Tell me, though, Bella; is there any validity to her fears?"

"Of course not," I replied quickly. "Jasper loves Alice. He wouldn't leave her, nor do I want him to. After all, I love her too."

"Does she know that?"

"No," I said softly, feeling a bit guilty. "I've wanted to tell her, but I'm afraid to."

"Why?"

It didn't pass my notice that I was hearing more and more of the professional psychologist in Leah's voice as the conversation continued. But, considering the fact that I was living in a very messed up situation, I figured a little therapy couldn't hurt.

"I don't think she _wants_ me to love her," I replied honestly.

"Then I have to ask you one thing, B, as your friend. How long are you going to keep giving her what she wants at your own expense? When will you prioritize yourself in this equation?"

"When you love someone, you put them first," I explained.

"But who is putting you first, Bella?"

I sat in silence for a moment, contemplating her question. The truth was, no one ever put me first. Not Alice, and certainly not Edward. Jasper may have placed me at a close second, but even he couldn't really do it; his family had to come first.

"She's never going to give me what I want, is she?"

"Not as long as you continue to let her keep you at a distance and avoid actual communication. Not as long as she holds all of the power in the relationship. You're as much to blame as she is, Bella, because you _let_ her get away with it. She needs to talk openly and honestly with you, and you need to grow some balls and demand that she does. Either that or walk away."  
"Balls?" I asked with a snicker.

"Lady balls," Leah corrected. I could picture the smart ass expression on her face as she said it.

Again, my friend was met with silence from my end of the line. I had connected to Leah right away that day on the plane, and grown to love her just as quickly. But Leah had an uncanny ability to make me ill at ease with the way she pointed out even the most undesirable, uncomfortable truths.

"There's still a chance that this can work, Bella," Leah added, seeming to sense my heavy heart. "If you all want it to, it can still work. But you've got to communicate. All of you."

We changed subjects then, and chatted about a fanfic that we were both reading for awhile, but I was still digesting her words as I drove my Lexus down the exit ramp.

"I'm almost at their house," I informed my friend. "Thanks for keeping me awake."

"Anytime," Leah replied with a yawn. "Even when it's at the expense of every patient I'll see today."

I laughed softly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. But really; thank you."

"Good luck, B," Leah said before ending the call.

"I'll need it," I whispered to myself as I laid my iphone in the cup holder and made a left turn into the neighborhood where the Whitlocks lived.

Alice was unlocking her front door when I put the Lexus in park in front of her the sound of the ignition cutting off, my girlfriend turned to look over her shoulder. I could see the recognition cross her face just before it was covered by confusion.

I stepped out of the truck quickly, exhaling in relief my legs straightened out and I felt the stretch in my muscles. I opened the back door and pulled my overnight bag and guitar out of the truck, then locked the doors before slipping the keys into my pocket and making my way up the front walk to meet Alice at the door.

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked. "Jasper didn't tell me you were coming."

She didn't seem upset about my surprise appearance, just confused. I wanted to lean in and kiss her, but thought better of it, in case a nosy neighbor might be watching. I fought the frown that wanted to form. I hated the hiding.

"He didn't know," I replied. "I couldn't sleep... After everything that happened, I just decided to make the drive. There's too much to talk about, and I think it should be done in person."

Alice looked at me for a minute, and then turned to unlock the door. "Come on in," she said as she pushed it open. She waited for me to enter, then followed me in, closing the door behind her.

"Do you want something to drink?" she asked as I took a seat on the couch, setting my things down on the coffee table in front of me. I shook my head, gesturing toward the still half-full can of Rock Star. "Ok. Well get comfortable; I'll be right back."

Alice walked out of the room, and made her way to the kitchen. I sat quietly, closing my eyes for a moment as I listened to her moving around, open and closing cupboard doors. When she returned, she carried with her a bowl of grapes and two Hostess cupcakes. I raised an eyebrow at her choice in deserts.

She sat down beside me on the couch, her hand, once the food had been placed on the coffee table, coming to rest of my thigh, fingertips moving in soft circles over my jeans.

"Jas won't be home till about 3. You can be the cream filling then," she said, smirking.

It had become a joke between us a while before that whoever laid in the middle when the three of us were together was like the cream filling in a Hostess cupcake. I reached down and took her hand, lifting it up to my lips and kissing it. I loved all of our silly private jokes, really just because we had them.

"I know," I replied, in reference to Jasper's schedule. "I came to see you."

She leaned in toward me. "Mmm... Is that right?" Her hand moved up my thigh and started climbing my torso. Her touch was so light that it raised goosebumps all over my body. "So responsive," she whispered, her hot breath right against my ear as her fingers discovered the raised hairs on my neck.

I moaned softly. She was seducing me. She was so good at it.

But I wanted to talk.

Ali's fingers tangled in my hair as her parted lips pressed against my throat. My head fell back, my body giving into Alice even though my mind was still trying to fight her advances.

I shivered as her thumb grazed my nipple over my bra at the same time that her tongue traced my jawline.

"Ali," I whispered.

"Mmm... yes baby. You like my touch, don't you?"

Hating myself for what I was about to say, I opened my mouth to respond, but gasped instead as my girlfriend's teeth closed around my earlobe.

"Oh god... I do, Ali," I replied, sounding pained. "But you have to stop."

She pulled away from me and sat back on the couch, watching me with a confused expression. "I thought you were enjoying it," she said after several moments of silent contemplation.

I could see the insecurity on her face, and I felt guilty. "I did, Ali, really. You have no idea how hard it was for me to ask you to stop. Look," I instructed, reaching my hand toward her so that she could see my bare forearm, still covered in goosebumps.

She smiled a little, and I rested my outstretched hand over hers, intertwining our fingers.

"I want to touch you," I continued, the words bringing out my blush. "But more than that, I want - no, need - to talk to you."

Ali swallowed hard and furrowed her brow for a moment, then sighed. "Ok, Bella. What do you want to talk about?"

Righting myself on the couch and adjusting my clothes so that everything was covered as it should be, I took a deep breath and turned toward my girlfriend.

"You came here to break up with me, didn't you?" she asked, not wasting any time getting to the point.

The fact that she thought that was the reason for my arrival, accompanied by her hardcore efforts to seduce me irritated me just a little bit. Did she really think that I could be placated with sex?

Sadly, I realized that maybe, in fact, that was exactly what she thought.

"No, Ali. That's not why I came," I replied, hoping that it everything would go as planned and breaking up would be taken off the table as a possibility sooner rather than later. "I came here to talk. It's something we clearly don't do enough of," I added, doing my best to keep the bitterness that I felt out of my tone. I didn't want my emotions or baggage to affect the conversation I wanted to have.

"We talk everyday," Alice pointed out.

"But not about anything important," I countered. "And it's time we did that. Look, Ali," I said, taking her hand in between both of mine and rubbing over her knuckles with my thumb. "You nearly OD'ed just to avoid me. You could have died." Tears filled my eyes as I fought off waking nightmares of a dead Alice and memories of Jacob. "You have kids. You have Jasper. You can't do that to them. Hell, you can't do that to me! I want you, yes. But not if you don't want me too."

Alice sighed softly. "I do want you."

"I don't know if that's really true," I replied, shaking my head sadly.

Cocking her head to the side, she raised a brow at me. "Really? You didn't feel how much I wanted you just a few minutes ago?"

Alice ran a hand up my arm and leaned toward me, but I pulled away from her. "I'm trying to be serious here, Alice," I said, nearing exasperation. "You want to fuck me; I know that. But I want more than sex from you! And if you don't want more than sex from me, then this is the dumbest load of crap I've ever heard of. I mean, why would you risk your marriage just to get laid?"

Alice looked away from me for a few minutes. "I'm just trying to give you what you want," she finally replied.

Reaching out to her, I took her cheek in the palm of my hand and gently turned her face back toward mine. "What I want is you. _All_ of you. I want you to tell me when I piss you off and how I can make you happy. I want you to be happy with me, Alice."

"If you want someone happy, then you're with the wrong person," she said off-handedly.

I stared at her, unable to respond. Her words bounced off the walls of my skull, the echo reverberating louder and louder each time.

When no reply came, Alice continued. "I'm sorry. That's just how it is." Her voice was flat and emotionless as she broke me with words.

Was that something I could deal with? A person who refused to be happy?

"If I can't make you happy, then why do you want to be with me at all? I mean, I know I'm good in bed and all," I added with a sarcastic laugh. "But all the drama... Is it really worth it?"

"This is why I don't like to talk... I don't think I ever explain it right."

"Try, Ali. Please," I pleaded.

She rested her head in her hands for a minute, then looked back up at me. "I like being with you. I like kissing you and making you come. I like making you laugh and seeing you smile. I like the way you make me feel when we're together."

"And when we're not together?" I asked, knowing that we spent much more of our time apart.

Looking pensive, she considered her answer for a moment. "It's harder then."

"Is it worth it _then_?"

She didn't answer right away, and I started to fidget nervously. My nails and the callouses that had formed on my fingers from playing guitar were suddenly extremely interesting to me.

Alice reached over and took my hand, squeezing it. "Honestly, I haven't been sure about that. When we're apart, that's when I get stuck in my own head, and I always wonder if Jasper is happy with just me, or if he'd rather be with you. Sharing him with you can be hard, but..."

I interrupted her. "But Ali," I said. "Don't you see that I want to be with you, too? Not just Jasper? I know this has got to be crazy confusing, but I honestly want you both. Or else neither of you. I don't want to come between you... Well, sometimes I like being between you, but..." I giggled. "Sorry, I digress."

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Alice smiled and giggled softly. "I do see that," she said. "_Now. _It just took me awhile."

"Do you really want this, Alice? An actual relationship with the three of us? I can't just be your fuck buddy. I'm in too deep already. For me, it's all or nothing now. I'll leave, if you don't want that. I won't be angry or anything. This is hard, and I know that. I do not want to hurt you. There's been more than enough hurt here already," I added, thinking of the not only our relationship history, but also each of our personal histories. "Please, just be honest with me."

Alice leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips, stroking my cheeks with her fingertips. I knew that it was either the kiss of our new beginning, or the kiss of our end, so I let myself get lost in it, forgetting my fears and all of the questions I had not yet asked, and just felt Alice's lips caressing my own.

When she finally pulled away, Alice looked into my eyes, the bright blue of hers burning intensely as she smiled. "I want this. Be ours, Bella. Stay."

**A/N: I'd love to hear what you thought. Hopefully the next chapter should be up soon.**


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: SM owns the characters, but the storyline is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thanks, as always, to JaspersBella and Karmabalance, as well as TheLyricalCutie, who talks me through my thoughts on Twitter. The end is coming soon, my friends... Enjoy the chapter!**

_When she finally pulled away, Alice looked into my eyes, the bright blue of hers burning intensely as she smiled. "I want this. Be ours, Bella. Stay." _

**Such Great Heights **

**Chapter 42**

"If we're going to be together, Ali, if this is a real relationship, then I want to be part of your present _and_ know your past. I need you to let me in."

"If you really want to hear it, I'll tell you about my past. But it's not a pretty story."

"Tell me. Please," I whispered.

Even as I spoke the words, I could see my Alice disappearing, leaving the hardened shell of the girl I loved behind. She pulled away from me and drew her knees up against her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She looked out the window, keeping her face turned away from me, and began to speak, her voice devoid of feeling.

"When I was born, my dad left the hospital. He was pissed off because he had wanted a boy, so he went to a bar and ordered a Jack and Coke. He didn't come back for two days. My mom's brother finally named me on the third day, because the hospital regulations required that the birth certificate be filled out by then. My uncle had to name me, because neither of my parents cared enough to do it themselves. My dad always told me that I was worthless, and that if only I'd been a boy, I would have made my parents happy.

"When I was eight, my dad got mad at me for spilling his beer bottle on the floor. He took his belt off and beat me until I had bruises all over my legs and butt, then locked me in my room for two days and didn't let me out." She paused at the sound of my gasp, and waited a moment to let the words sink in before she continued. "I know, you're wondering how this could happen. I had two parents, after all. But my mom let him do it. No food, no bathroom, no nothing. For two days. When he finally came to unlock the door, he told me that I better have learned my lesson.

"I apparently didn't learn the right lesson, because, by the time I was ten, I was getting beaten pretty regularly. He was hitting my mom too, by then. I remember one time in particular, when he told me that, if they'd known I was going to be a girl, he would have made my mother get an abortion. They already had a daughter, he said, so I was just a waste of space and a drain on his money."

The knot was growing in the pit of my stomach listening to Alice's story. I couldn't even think of anything to say. What was there, really? Nothing would make this history any better. So I just continued to listen, hoping against hope that the simple act of sharing it might benefit her somehow.

"My mom left when I was eleven. Quality mom, she was, leaving me behind to take all the beatings for her," Alice added with bitter sarcasm. "She took Cynthia with her, though, which pissed Dad off even more. She was the one they wanted, after all. He was drunk all the time by then, so I was pretty much left to fend for myself. Eleven years old, and no one in the world cared about me.

"Somewhere along the way, I invented Sheila. It's normal for little kids to have an invisible friend, but I guess it's not so normal for a twelve year old to have one. But I needed someone to talk to, and talking to my dad just got me hit.

"It was about then that my mom came back."

My gut tightened again, and I thought I'd throw up. I almost wanted to take back my request for information, but I knew that I couldn't.

"Nothing much changed with her back, other than the fact that I got to be consistently reminded of how I'd ruined her life by existing. Every time my dad hit her, she'd show me the cut or bruise and tell me that it was my fault. 'We were happy until you came along,' she said. I wanted to kill myself – it didn't even seem selfish; after all, my death would end everyone's misery, not just my own.

"I started stealing my mom's pills. Pain pills, anti-depressants, whatever she had around. I was only thirteen, so I was too young to understand _how_ to OD. I thought that just the simple act of taking medicine I wasn't supposed to have would kill me, so I just took them one at a time, as I got a hold of them. It didn't work as I planned, but it did teach me just how much fun pills can be."

Alice stopped talking for a minute as an odd, reminiscent smile appeared on her lips. It made me uncomfortable, but who was I to judge, really?

"I took whatever, whenever, after that. The pills got me high, made me not care what was going on at home. I stole money from my dad's wallet and bought pills at least once a week... I was careful to never take more than what I thought he would notice. I never complained, never asked for anything. I just sat in my room, high out of my mind, talking to Sheila about my plans to run away as soon as I turned 18.

"I must have gotten a bad batch of something, eventually, though, because there's a pretty significant time period that's all black for me. I just remember waking up and not being able to move."

She paused for a moment, turning to look at me, and saw the horrified expression that I was failing to hide.

"I told you it wasn't pretty," she said flatly, then turned away again. "Anyway, turned out I was in the hospital. I couldn't move because I was in restraints, cuffed to the bed. My parents had me committed. I was fourteen. Good old mom and dad had me committed and then left. From the morning that I woke up there until the day I walked out, nearly four years later, I never once saw my parents."

I smiled, thinking that it must have been a relief for her to get away from them sooner than she'd hoped.

"No," she corrected. "Don't smile. I wasn't any better off, believe me. The withdrawal from all the pills I'd been taking was horrible. I thought for sure I was going to die. And as soon as that was over, Dad's beatings were replaced with all sorts of treatments, most of which I suspect were experimental. There were pills and shots and hours of 'therapy'." She held up her hands to make imaginary quotation marks at the word, emphasizing how ineffective she thought the program had been. "There were times that I was so doped up that I couldn't speak or move. Other times I puked until there was nothing left inside me, or seized, or god knows what else.

"It didn't take long to find out that the doctors were looking for specific answers when they talked to me, so I started telling them what they wanted to hear. Once I did that, the treatments leveled out, and I was basically just a zombie for awhile."

"Oh my god," I whispered, unable to hold it back anymore.

"It stayed that way until I was seventeen. That's when Lauren was admitted to the hospital."  
"Lauren-Lauren?" I asked.

"Yes," Alice replied. "One and the same. She was a total bitch to everyone there. Everyone but me. She fought the nurses, she screamed at the doctors. The orderlies wouldn't even go into her room. She threw every tray of food they gave her against the wall without eating a bite. And no matter how many pills they gave her, she never actually swallowed a single one.

"Lauren saved me. She took me into the bathroom one day, right after I got my meds, and stuck her own finger down my throat to make me throw it up. She did this every day for a week, until the effects of the pills had worn off to the point that I had coherent thoughts. Then I started hiding them under my tongue like she showed me, and spitting them out when the nurses left the room.

"Once I could think clearly, we started talking for real. She wanted me to leave with her when I turned 18 and could sign myself out. I refused, saying I was too messed up to be out in the world. It took her awhile, but she finally convinced me."

"Why was she in there?" I interrupted.  
"They said she was a compulsive liar and a sociopath," Alice replied. "But they were clearly idiots."

It took quite a bit of effort to keep a straight face. Maybe this was a better hospital than I'd first thought... Clearly they'd had Lauren's diagnosis right.

"So anyway, we left when I was eighteen. We moved in with some friends of Lauren's near the Vegas strip. That's where I met Jasper - he was playing in a metal band with the other guys in the house, and they were all into cocaine and pills and stuff."

My audible gasp interrupted her. I'd never known that Jasper had a drug problem.

"Oh yeah, Jasper was pretty bad off back in the day," she said, nodding her head and smirking, as if she was glad to break my image of him. "I fucked him the first night so that he'd share his drugs with me. And then I fucked him the second night because he was so good on the first," she added with a wink. "Six months later, I found out that I was pregnant with Charlotte, and Jasper went to work in the casino to support us. We quit the drugs and moved into a studio apartment. And the rest, my friend, is history."

Staring at her with wide eyes, I remained silent. I still didn't know what to say. It seemed like she'd said so much, and all of it so horrible that I could barely believe it to be true. Finally, I understood why Alice was the way she was – why she wouldn't talk when she was upset, why she always pulled away, why she put up with so much bullshit from Lauren, why she feared Jasper leaving her...

I didn't even realize that I was crying until the tear splashed down onto my hand. Wiping my cheeks quickly, I reached out for Alice, but she pulled away.

"I don't want your pity," she said harshly. "I didn't tell you this story for pity. I told you because you asked, and, like I said, I'm trying to give you what you want."

"That's not what I'm doing, Ali," I corrected, scooting toward her on the couch. I stopped when I saw her tense up. "This isn't pity. I can be sad about what happened to you without pitying you. Please, baby, stop pushing me away. Let me in."

I was done with hiding how I felt, with censoring myself, with being afraid, with waiting for the right time. I could no more hold my emotions back now than I could hold back the tears of pain for Alice or the hatred that boiled in the pit of my stomach, making me feel physically ill, for her parents.

Not bothered by her antipathy, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her body, which she finally allowed go limp, against me. "I hate that you were hurt. I want to punch so many people right now. Alice..." I paused, taking a deep breath and kissing the top of her head. "I feel like this because you matter to me. So much. Everyone else hurt you, but I don't want to do that. What I want is to love you," I said softly, my lips brushing against her hair. "Maybe nobody but Jasper has done it right before, but I want the chance. Let me, Ali. Let me love you."

Alice pulled away from me and looked me in the eye for a moment, questioning me. My only guess was that she was trying to ascertain my sincerity. Whatever it was, she must have found was she was looking for, because she pulled my face to hers and crashed her lips into mine. I tangled my fingertips into her long black hair and used it to hold her close.

"Come," she whispered into my mouth as she rose to her feet, pulling me up with her. We walked blindly to her bedroom, a tangle of legs and arms, never breaking the kiss. Our clothes littered the path to the bedroom as we undressed each other along the way.

She pushed me down into the bed and then climbed up on top of me. Taking my hand, she positioned it between her legs. "Feel me, Bella... Feel what you do to me."

We both moaned as I stroked her with my fingertips. She was so wet, so ready, yet I could still see the pain in her eyes.

I leaned toward her and kissed her hard, letting my fingers slip into her at the same time. Breaking away from her lips, I kissed my way to her ear.

"Forget it all now, Ali. It's just you and me here." She sighed softly, and I spoke again, mirroring her words to me. "Feel me, Ali. Feel what we are together."

I was woken out of a rather pleasant post-coital nap at some point later by a stubbly chin scratching my shoulder as warm lips moved gently over my neck. Sighing softly, I let my body melt into the embrace that I recognized as Jasper's, breathing in his scent as it surrounded me. My eyelids fluttered open, and I saw that Alice was still sleeping soundly on the opposite side of the bed, her naked breasts just barely covered by the light blue sheet.

"What are you doing in my bed?" Jasper asked softly.

I giggled in response, thinking that he sounded an awful lot like one of the three bears. "I should think," I replied in a whisper, my tone playfully mocking, "that it would be rather obvious, what with the nudity of both myself and your wife."

Jasper moved the hand that rested on my hip down to my ass and squeezed it. "Very funny. Seriously, though... I had no idea that you were coming."

"Yeah, it was pretty much a spur of the moment thing," I explained, turning in his arms so that I was facing him. "I really needed to have a talk with Alice."

He raised a brow. "And?"

"Clearly it went well," I said with a half smile. "Well, as well as something that difficult can go. I feel a little emotionally hungover still. And exhausted. God, I don't think I've slept in days."

He kissed my forehead gently. "Get some sleep, then, baby. I'm gonna go to the living room and make some calls. My friend owes me a favor, so I'll ask him to take care of the kids for the night. I'm going to call Ali off of work too. I think the three of us need to spend a nice night together."

"I definitely agree," I said with a nod. "But you should really give me another kiss before you leave."

Smiling, he pulled me against him and I tilted my face up to meet his parted lips, feeling his breath enter me as we kissed.

As our lips moved together, it struck me how different it felt to kiss Jasper than it did Alice, and I didn't mean in the obvious ways that came from them being of the opposite gender. With Alice, kissing always led somewhere; it was always full of passion and craving for each other's bodies. When Jasper kissed me, though, I didn't feel sex; I felt love.

Refusing to let that train of thought go on, I focused on Jasper's tongue brushing against my lower lip and his hand on my lower back, continuously pulling me closer to him, despite the fact that crawling into my skin was the only way he could actually get any closer.

Finally, Jasper pulled away, smiling at me before placing one more kiss on my forehead. "Sleep, sweetheart. I'll be back soon."

He rose from the bed, slowly letting me out of his grasp as he got too far away to keep holding on. I rolled over and closed my eyes after he disappeared into the hallway, reaching my hand out toward my girlfriend and letting my fingertips rest over hers. Alice wasn't much of a fan of contact while she was sleeping, but this minimal amount, I was sure, wouldn't bother her.

As expected, I was sound asleep again within seconds.

Several hours later I stretched my arms above my head, feeling my muscles, tight from sleep, burn pleasantly with the exertion.

"Good evening, Sleeping Beauty," Alice said from beside me, laughing softly.

Opening my eyes, I saw that both she and Jasper were sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling down at me.

"We were starting to wonder if you were going to spend your whole visit asleep," Jasper teased.

"I'm sorry," I replied through a yawn. "You should have woken me."

Alice shook her head and then leaned down, kissing me on the forehead. "Clearly you needed the sleep. I'm glad you got it. But," Alice paused and looked down at her stomach as it emitted an impressively loud growl for such a small person. "I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat."

Realizing that it had been a really long time since I'd eaten anything, I readily agreed. "Just give me a minute to freshen up," I begged, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands and stretching once again.

"We'll meet you in the living room," Jasper agreed. He rose from the bed and then took Alice by the hand, leading her toward the door. "Come on, Ali. If I leave you in here with Bella while she gets changed, we'll never actually get out the door."

I laughed as they closed the door behind themselves, glad to see everyone smiling together for the first time in what seemed like forever. Not wanting to keep them waiting, I quickly hopped out of the bed and walked into the bathroom that adjoined their room to wash my face and brush my teeth. Then I returned to the bedroom and pulled a clean pair of jeans and a light sweater out of my overnight bag.

Once I was dressed and had touched up my makeup, I smiled at my reflection in the mirror, and made my way out to the living room. "Well don't just sit there," I joked. "Let's go!"

A short drive later, we pulled up at a 24-hour diner that looked like a major dive. I raised a brow at Jasper, who was behind the wheel, wondering why, with so many great choices in Las Vegas, he would take me here.

"Believe me, it's better than it looks," he promised, seeing my concern. "This place has been here forever, and it's one of my favorite places to eat in the city. It's comforting, in a way, I guess."

Not really convinced, I decided to give it a chance anyway, and started toward the door. "If you say so," I said, my tone clearly doubtful.

"He does," Alice added. "Often."

With a laughing elbow to her ribs, Jasper pushed me through the door in front of him. I approached the hostess stand and asked for a table for three.

As we followed her to a booth, I tried to take in my surroundings. Luckily, the inside of the diner, despite the numerous tears in the leather booths, was much cleaner than the outside had led me to expect. The other customers were almost all senior citizens, and I laughed to myself at the fact that Jasper felt so at home in such a place.

I sat on the closer side of the booth that the hostess had pointed out, and was surprised when Alice slid in next to me, leaving Jasper to sit opposite us.

"Well hello," I said flirtatiously, leaning toward my girlfriend and letting my elbow nudge her. "How nice of you to join me."

Rather than answer, Alice just winked and moved even closer to me. I was surprised, really, because she usually got a bit twitchy about doing anything that she thought might convey that she had any inclination toward me. But who was I to complain?

We looked over the menu, and I decided on pancakes, not really trusting the kitchen staff to get anything else right.

While we waited for our meals, we chatted about Jasper's day at work and sipped our lemonades. I smiled at Jasper when Ali's hand came to rest on my leg, even though I knew he couldn't see that her fingertips were stroking my thigh under the table. I couldn't help but notice that the elderly woman at the table directly across from us was glaring with disapproval at my closeness to the girl sitting beside me. Not appreciating her attitude, I turned my head toward Ali and nuzzled my face into her hair, breathing in her scent.

"Trying to make a scene?" Ali whispered.

"So what if I am?" I replied, letting my lips graze her ear as I spoke.

"I just think that you could do a better job."

Shocked, I hummed my amusement. "Is that so? Well then..."

I let my hand drift up from the table and catch her cheek, then turned her face to me, kissing her directly on the lips. Closing my eyes, I let my lips linger on hers for just a moment before I started to pull away. Rather than let me, though, Ali pressed her fingertips hard into my thigh and let her tongue slip in between my lips.

I kissed her back with equal enthusiasm, convinced that her kiss was not a simple joining of lips, but instead that it was her way of telling me that she was ready to really be together, that she wasn't going to be afraid of it anymore. Alice kissing me in front of other people was the sexiest thing she'd ever done, but at the same time as it turned me on, it warmed my heart. It was sexy; it was sweet; it was progress.

Smiling as I sat back against my seat, I felt a little like one of those cartoon characters with hearts for eyeballs. It wasn't a bad feeling at all.

"Watching the two of you has got to be the hottest thing ever," Jasper said in a low growl. "I'm so fucking hard over here."

Alice smirked. "Don't worry, Jasper, you'll see so much more later," she teased, looking at me conspiratorially. "Won't he, Bella?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

By the time we left the diner, I felt like I was flying. We had laughed and flirted openly all throughout our meal, and Alice seemed so much like the girl I met on my very first night in Vegas that it was almost possible to forget how difficult the past weeks had been. I decided to let Alice take the front seat this time, but not before I pressed her up against the passenger door with my body resting against hers and kissed her with every bit of desire I was feeling, wanting her to know just how much her behavior tonight was affecting me.

Clearly not the only one affected, I pulled back from the kiss when I heard Jasper's low moan come from behind me. I giggled softly as I turned toward him, batting my lashes in a way that I hoped made me look innocent.

"Innocent my ass," Jasper scolded gruffly. "Another second of you molesting my wife against my car and I wouldn't have been able to control myself any more. Several senior citizens would have died of shock, Bella, all because of your naughty, naughty behavior."

I raised a brow, sensing a challenge. "You don't think that the simple fact that I, a woman, have been making quite a scene with Alice, another woman, in front of them was enough to shock them?" I paused, considering the situation. "Hmmm... Perhaps you're right. I wouldn't want to do a half-ass job."

He looked confused for just a moment, but my movement in his direction seemed to clear it up for him. He reached out and I stepped into his waiting arms, feeling his hands on my lower back pull me against him, his hardness pressed roughly against my stomach, as our lips met in a very passionate kiss.

I pulled away from Jasper when I heard Alice's peel of laughter behind us. Turning toward her, I gave her a questioning look.

"That couple over there," she explained through her giggles, gesturing slightly to our left. "They did _not_ appreciate the show at all. The old guy hurried his wife passed us grumbling something about young people having no respect these days."

All three of us dissolved into laughter then, and Jasper opened the passenger side doors for Ali and I to get in. "Come on, ladies," he urged. "I gotta get you home so I can get you into my bed."

I spent the entire drive back to the Whitlock's house teasing my lovers with light touches and hot breaths on the backs of their necks, keeping both of them just as much on edge as I was. I laughed as Jasper struggled with the key in the front door – apparently Alice's tiny hands working on his belt buckle was a little too much distraction for him.

We finally got inside, and Alice led the way into the bedroom, where things progressed rapidly. As promised, Ali had every intention of giving Jasper a good show.

Together, we undressed our man, and then, while she kissed and sucked the sensitive skin of his neck and shoulders, I dropped to my knees and began kissing and sucking a different area. Jasper's groans were deep and throaty, and I knew that I was probably wetter than I'd ever been in my life.

I relaxed my throat as my lips met Jasper's pubic bone, taking him all the way in, loving that I could do that for him, and loving even more the fact that his knees were beginning to shake as he struggled to hold himself upright.

Letting him slip out of my mouth, I rose back up, sliding my chest against Jasper's bare skin on my way, until I was face to face with Alice once again.

"I think Jas is ready to sit down," I said in a voice that sounded more like a moan.

She looked at Jasper for confirmation, and seeing his eyes nearly closed in pleasure, she nodded. "I think you're right, baby." Holding on to her husband's waist, Alice led him backward until his knees his the mattress. "Get comfortable," she instructed him.

I stood in wait as Jasper centered himself on the bed, and then Ali took my hand. "Your turn," she prodded.

I wasn't sure exactly what she wanted, but she was looking at Jasper, so I assumed that she wanted me to get into the bed with him. I slid backwards up the mattress, keeping my eyes on my girlfriend.

Silently, Ali climbed up into the bed with us. "Are you ready for me?" she asked. We both nodded our heads eagerly. "Good," she replied with a smirk. "Because I intend to have my way with you both."

Neither Jasper nor I knew what Alice was planning at this point, but luckily she wasn't in the mood to prolong anyone's anticipation. Only seconds after her pronouncement, Ali had straddled Jasper's hips and was groaning as he slid into her.

My mouth fell open as I watched his entire length disappear, and I felt my breath catch as his growl joined her groan, filling the room with the sound of sex. Once Alice had settled into a rhythm with Jasper, her fingers found their way between my legs and she began rubbing me in time with her rises and falls.

Jasper reached out for me, grabbing a handful of my hair and using it to pull me to him, covering my mouth with his as soon as he could reach. He swallowed my moans as Alice's fingers became more insistent in their quest for my climax.

"You're going to come for me, aren't you, Bella?" Alice demanded. "I see that flush warming your skin. You want it, baby?"

My head fell back, my breaths become more and more labored. _Fuck yes_, I wanted to reply. But no words came.

"Oh yeah, Jasper," Alice groaned breathily as she ground her hips down into him. "Fuck me, baby. Just like that."

Jasper must have increased his efforts, because the sounds of their skin slapping against each other got louder; faster.

"Mmm, look at her, Jas," Ali moaned. "Watch her. See how she's losing control? Oh god, that's hot. You like that, Jas? Mmm, yes you do. I can tell. You love watching me get your girlfriend off."

That was as much as I could take. Sucking in a hard breath, I closed my eyes and let my body take over. "Oh god," I whispered as I shook with pleasure.

Panting, I opened my eyes again, and found Ali leaning over me. "Next time, Bella baby, I'm gonna make you scream. That's a promise. Now get up here and fuck my husband."

I was just about to slip my leg up and over Jasper's hips when he grabbed my arms and flipped me onto my back. Climbing on top of me, he looked down into my eyes. "This time, I'm on top," he whispered.

I moaned softly in reply, placing my hands on his forearms to brace myself. "What about you, Ali?" I whispered.

"I'm right here, Bella," she said, giving my nipple a pinch. "I just want to watch this time."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

Before she replied, I heard a buzzing noise. "Oh," she moaned. "I'm sure."

Jas looked down at me, licking his lips, and then, with one quick thrust, he was inside me.

For a moment, the only sound in the room was Ali's vibrator, as Jasper rocked slowly and silently against me. Lost in his eyes and the way he felt, I held on to him tightly, raising my hips to meet his each time.

"It's like watching a ballet," Alice said thickly. "But so much fucking hotter."

Remembering that she was there beside me, I let go of Jasper's arm and reached out for her. "Come close," I begged. I was so close already, and I wanted her to be a part of us, not just a voyeur.

"His dick feels good, doesn't it, baby?"

It was sexy when she talked like that, but it felt somehow out of place at that moment.

"Kiss me, Ali," I pleaded, needing to pull her into the intensity of what I was sharing with Jasper.

She complied with my request, and the two of us kissed slowly as Jasper lowered himself down so that he was holding on to us both.  
"Bella, I can't hold back," Jasper grunted a few minutes later.

I could feel his shoulders beginning to shake, and pulled away from Ali's kiss. "I'm there with you," I replied. "Ali... Can you come with us?"

Her voice came out in a trembling cry. "Mmhmm... Now..."

Her nails dug into my shoulder as Jasper's growl started to rumble against my chest. I felt him twitching inside of me, and buried my face in Ali's neck, whimpering as I came.

A few minutes later, still breathing heavily, I was snuggled against Jasper, letting my head rest in the crook of his shoulder, smiling at Alice across his chest. The evening had been perfect, and I really believed, in that moment, that it was a new beginning for the three of us.

Feeling Jasper shift under me, I tilted my face up and watched as he placed a sweet kiss on Alice's lips. "I love you, Ali," he whispered, smiling down at her.

My heart felt warm as I watched the scene before me. Their love never made me jealous, because I shared in their happiness.

Jasper turned toward me next, giving me the same soft kiss. "I love you, Bella."

**A/N: I'd love to hear your thoughts! Next chapter should hopefully be up soon.**


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: To all my dear readers, thank you for sticking with me through this story's ups and downs and twists and turns. I know some of you want to kick a character or two's ass by now. I don't even blame you for that. But as I've said, they are human, and bound to make mistakes. And then make them over and over again. Bella is a perfect example – she's been all but abandoned by her husband, who clearly never put her first, but refuses to let her go; she clearly doesn't have a clue what a healthy relationship is. But now she has two people who, despite all the drama, make her feel special. Bella has been numb for a long time, and the Whitlocks have made her come alive; even the hurt, to her, is beautiful, because she _feels_ it. I'm not saying that's smart. Or healthy. What may seem obvious from the outside is not always so simple to see when you're in the middle of it. Just wanted you to understand a little of where she's coming from. Now read on, my friends, and see where it takes her.**

**I do not own the characters; they are the property of SM. I won't make any profit from this story past my own personal enjoyment of it. I don't believe in copyright infringement, so you won't find that here.**

**Thanks, as always, to Karmabalance and JaspersBella, who are two of the greatest pre-readers I could ever hope for. Thanks also to Swoony, who won't be reading this, but was an integral part in me figuring it out.**

**Last time, on SGH:**

_ Feeling Jasper shift under me, I tilted my face up and watched as he placed a sweet kiss on Alice's lips. "I love you, Ali," he whispered, smiling down at her. _

_ My heart felt warm as I watched the scene before me. Their love never made me jealous, because I shared in their happiness. _

_ Jasper turned toward me next, giving me the same soft kiss. "I love you, Bella." _

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 43**

It might have been the perfect moment. From the outside, it probably appeared that it was. But as I smiled and opened my eyes from that sweet, soft kiss, I caught the look on Alice's face, and it was far from matching how I felt. In fact, she looked like she was warring between throwing up and punching Jasper and I both in the face. She immediately replaced the expression with a smile when she caught me looking at her, but the damage, in my mind, had already been done.

I wanted to get up right then and there, put my clothes on and walk out of the house, and out of their lives, forever. I was sure that it was the right thing to do. But then Alice's hand reached across Jasper's chest and came to rest over mine, softly stroking my skin with her thumb.

I didn't understand. Had I been mistaken? Could it have been that the expression on Alice's face had nothing to do with the words that Jasper had spoken? Maybe Ali had just had a muscle cramp or something... Had she not reached out to reassure me, that would have seemed unlikely, but now I had no idea what to think.

Jasper's heart beat had slowed and quieted it's beats against my ear, telling me that he had calmed from our activities, but his fingers were still running a gentle path over my shoulder, so I knew that he was still awake. I knew that he hadn't seen Alice's reaction, because he'd been looking at me when it happened, but I wished that I could talk to him about it, get his perspective. It would be impossible to do that without Alice hearing, though, so I kept my mouth shut.

It seemed like forever, but I was sure that only moments had passed before Alice pulled her hand away from mine and rolled over, turning her back to Jasper and I and settling herself for the night. I stared at the pale, creamy shoulder that showed between the strands of long black hair that swept across her back, watching the rise and fall as her breathing steadied into a slow rhythm, telling me that she was asleep.

_What aren't you saying, Ali? What are you hiding from us?_

As I laid there in the darkness, the beating of Jasper's heart was the only sound that I could hear in the room that had only minutes before been filled with the noise of our sex. It was echoing loudly in my ears, trying to keep me grounded, but failing miserably as I got closer and closer to panic.

Stay or go, stay or go? I must have asked myself the same question one hundred times in the next sixty seconds, never coming up with an answer. I wanted to believe that things had changed, that Ali and I had started a new relationship on the couch this morning with our talk on the couch; a relationship that had been cemented when Jasper came home. The evening had seemed so perfect – the diner, the sex... But that split-second facial expression had changed the game.

Or had it? Was I over-thinking? Was I just so used to everything going wrong that I had imagined a problem that wasn't actually there? It didn't seem fair to just walk away and give up on us after we'd come so far.

But neither did it seem fair to stay because it was what I wanted, if it was hurting Ali.

But what about Jasper? How much would I hurt him by leaving?

I was fighting back tears as my mind kept spinning in circles. I had no idea what was right, what was true, or what I should do. I kept remembering something that I'd told myself way back at the beginning of this relationship: Somehow, I was going to get hurt in the end of this. It was a risk I'd been willing to take. But was I willing to hurt others?

The answer to that was easy – no.

I wanted to wake Alice up right then and there, demand answers. But then Jasper shifted a bit, turning toward me and pulling me closer to him. His soft sigh of contentment was my answer. There had been enough talking today, enough fear and worry this week to last a lifetime. The night, at least to Jasper, had been perfect. I knew that my leaving would hurt him, even if I did it for the right reasons. So I'd wait. In the morning, I'd reassess Ali's behavior, see if maybe it had just been my imagination running wild. For now, though, I'd sleep in the arms of the man I loved, and give him this one perfect night, just in case it was our last.

Some hours later, a twinge in my bladder woke me from what had been a rather peaceful sleep. Groggily, I opened one eye to see if it was morning, but found the room still shrouded in darkness. I yawned as I slipped beneath Jasper's arm, not wanting to wake him, and sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Looking to my left, I noticed that Jasper was the only other person in the bed with me. Turning my head toward the door of their en suite bathroom, I saw that no light was on in there. _Where's Alice?_

Forgetting my own need of the facilities, I climbed down off of the bed and felt around on the floor for my panties. We may have been the only ones in the house, but I still felt a little weird walking around completely naked in the middle of the night. It took me a few minutes to find them, since they were all the way over by the bedroom door, but Alice had not reappeared in the meantime.

I figured it was probably not a big deal – Ali had been working nights for awhile now, so she had likely been unable to sleep through the night with Jasper and I and gotten up. But I still felt the need to check on her.

Quickly slipping the panties up my legs and over my hips, I stepped out into the hall, picking up my black lace camisole off the floor and pulling it over my head as I walked. After checking both of the children's bedrooms, I paused and listened for any discernible noise that would tell me where my girlfriend was.

In the darkness of the hall, it wasn't difficult to let my ears do the detective work for me. It took a minute, but I finally heard a very faint clicking coming from the other side of the house. Being a writer, it was easily recognizable as the sound of a computer keyboard.

Assuming that Alice was probably working on her story in the office, I made my way down the hall and through the living room, passing by the front door before I arrived at the office that sat near the front of the house. Just as I'd suspected, Ali was sitting at the desk staring at the computer screen.

"What's wrong, babe?" I asked. "Couldn't sleep?"

She must not have heard me coming, because Alice jumped at the sound of my voice. Quickly shutting the screen on the laptop and laying her arm over it, Alice flashed me a smile.

"Oh, it wasn't a big deal," she said, her voice higher pitched than usual. "I just remembered an email that I was supposed to have sent today, and wanted to get it out. It's done now."

Her behavior seemed odd, but in all actuality, that in and of itself was pretty normal for Alice, so I just let it slide.

"Alright, then," I said, smiling back at her. "Want to come back to bed with us?"

"Oh, um... Yeah," she replied. I could see her scanning the room with her eyes, and wondered just what it was that she was looking for. "I just have to clean up my mess."

Furrowing my brow, I looked around the room, not seeing anything out of place. "Mess?"

Beaming, Ali held up a plate with some plastic wrappers on it. I immediately recognized the Hostess label and laughed softly.

"Midnight snack," she said, sounding guilty. "Couldn't help myself."

I crossed the room in just a few strides and kissed her on the forehead. I thought it was completely adorable that she had been embarrassed about eating some junk food. Honestly, I was a bit relieved by her admission too, as it cleared up for me why she was behaving so oddly.

"Clean up, then," I said, winking at her. "It'll be our secret."

"Secrets," Alice said, her eyes shining with laughter at a joke I didn't understand, "Are dangerous things to keep."

Her comment once again had me feeling off-kilter, but I shrugged it off. I was still half asleep and probably just missing some sort of connection that she was trying to make.

"I'll keep that in mind," I promised. "See you in bed, baby. Good night."

"Bye, Bella."

Jasper was cradling a caramel-colored Les Paul in his arms as he walked onto the stage, the brightness of the spotlight reflecting off of the ivory pick guard. The women near me were all screaming for him, but it didn't bother me... Standing in the center of the front row next to Alice, I knew where our man's attentions would be.

The darkness of the bar became palpable as Jasper strummed the first chords, the minor key striking a deep feeling of longing in my heart. He was playing the song he'd written for me: _Baby, Hear Me_ – after so many months, he'd finally finished it, and it was nothing short of perfect. Every time I heard it, I thought of how he'd fought for me – for us – and how much he loved me.

"I'm Jasper Whitlock," he said into the mic, letting just a hint of southern drawl color his tone. He'd picked it up when he went to Texas to record his first album, and the ladies loved it – two in particular, I thought with a soft giggle – so he let it slip in sometimes. "And this one is for my best girls."

Every girl in the audience probably thought he meant them, but Alice and I knew. She reached for me and squeezed my hand, both of us as excited now as we were at every one of Jasper's shows. The spotlights changed to red, and the fog machines began to fill the room with smoke as Jasper sang the first line of the song.

"Baby, hear me, Darlin please, I'm begging you, don't leave me in the cold..."

His brown eyes, even in the bright glare of the spotlight, pierced me. I swear, I could feel the heat of his breath even though he was out of my reach. The sexy, gravelly tone of his voice had my panties wet by the end of the first verse, just as it always had.

I watched his fingers dance across the fretboard, running up the neck of the guitar during the guitar solo until he reached the highest note and held it, pulling the string with his finger to make that note waver. His head fell back and I could see the smile of pride on his face. He was living his dream, and we were a part of it. It was all I had ever wanted.

When the sound died out, he reached for the mic and began to speak to his audience. "I'm so glad to," he started, stopping to cough. "Damn, I'm sorry about that. Seems like the smoke machines have gone a little crazy in here. Hey, Dan, take care of that, will ya?" He called to the sound guy. "Anyway, I'm glad y'all came out tonight. It's so damn good to..."

Jasper stopped again, coughing even more. This time I joined him. I couldn't understand what the hell was going on, because he usually didn't even use a smoke machine – he thought they were a little ridiculous, really.

"I'll take care of it, baby," I called up to him before turning and pushing my way through the crowd, trying to get to the back of the room where I could ask the bar manager to turn the damn thing off. The smoke, oddly, seemed to get worse the further back I went. I wasn't quite to the bar when my eyes began to water and I had to stop walking to try to catch my breath.

_What the actual fuck was going on in here?_

Coughing even harder, I fell over, and the contact with the floor was enough to wake me up. Shaking my head, I realized that the whole thing had been a dream. The only problem was that my coughing was real.

It took me a few seconds to get my bearings, confused as I was, but I quickly realized that the reason that I was coughing so much was that the bedroom was full of smoke.

"Jasper!" I screamed, finally understanding the danger we were in. "Alice!"

I jumped to my feet, running toward the bedroom door and fumbling for the light switch. Turning it on didn't really help much; the smoke was too thick to see even across the room. The door was still open, and I looked down the hall. The heavy smoke that filled the bedroom was apparently covering the entire house, but I could see bright red and orange flames from the direction of the front door.

"Shit!" I cried, terror threatening to take me over. I ran back to the bed, panicking even more when I realized that Alice was not in it. "Jasper!" I yelled, shaking him hard. "Jasper, please! Wake up!"

Coughing even harder still, I shook him violently once again, not understanding why he wasn't waking up when normally all it took was a soft kiss.

"Jasper! God damn it! Wake up!"

He wasn't responding, and I began to panic. I didn't know how long the fire had been burning, or how long we had left to get out of the house safely. I also didn't know where in the hell my girlfriend was. That was entirely too many things to not know all at once!

Pausing for a moment, I remembered one of many lessons my father had taught me when I was young. With his experience as a police officer and later the chief of the department, he'd seen so many bad things happen that he always made it a point to teach me how to protect myself when I went to visit him. The lesson I was thinking of was one that had been drilled into my head over and over again, and I could hear his voice repeating it in my head: "If you're ever in danger, Bells, you make damn sure you keep your head on straight. If you let yourself panic, you might as well just lay down and ask to die."

Mentally thanking my father's voice in my head, I promised him that I'd make him proud. I closed my eyes for a second and took a few breaths. I needed to be as calm and rational as possible. I needed to get out of the house while I still could, but I needed to try to get Jasper and Alice out with me. Whatever I was going to do, I had to do it fast. With my eyes still closed, I thought of a plan.

Leaving Jasper in the bed, I pulled the blanket up over his head, hoping it would protect his lungs from the thick black smoke that was becoming denser by the second, and then ran out of the room screaming Alice's name. I gagged and spit as the acrid fumes filled my mouth, but never stopped moving.

Peter's room was to the left of the master bedroom, and I looked there first. While I didn't find Ali, a quick inspection of the window above the little boy's dresser assured me that I'd at least found one safe way for us to escape.

Climbing back down off of the dresser, I went over to the closet and pulled out one of Peter's t-shirts, holding it up to my nose as I ran back into the hallway. I checked Charlotte's room and the living room, not finding Alice in either place. She wasn't in the kitchen, and I prayed that she had already gotten out somehow, because the office hallway was completely blocked off by the quickly spreading fire. The heat it emitted was so intense that I felt like my skin was melting onto my bones and I couldn't even get close to the front door.

Not knowing what else to do, I screamed her name once again, choking on the smoke, and when no answer came, I began to cry. My lungs felt like they were full of razors, and the temperature was unbearable. I knew that I needed to get out of there immediately.

"God, Ali! Please, please be ok!" I wailed as I used the wall to guide me back down the hall to the bedroom. Pulling the blanket back down off of Jasper's head, I screamed his name once again, raising my voice as loud as I could to overcome the furious noise of the fire that was consuming the house around us.

When Jasper still didn't answer, I was terrified. With a shaking hand, I placed my fingers against his neck, praying that I would find a pulse. I broke down in sobs, collapsing on top of him, with my cheek resting against his back, when I found a steady beat in his artery.

With my face pressed against his lungs, I felt his even breaths as well. Despite my great relief that he was safe, I was still worried. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't wake up. As three strong coughs bounced my head up off of his back, though, I discovered the problem: a bottle of sleeping pills sat unopened on Jasper's night stand.

"Fuck!" I cried. I knew that he took them sometimes to help with his ongoing battle with insomnia, but why tonight, of all nights?

As the temperature in the bedroom rose higher, I knew that the flames were probably getting closer. Large drops of sweat fell from my face and landed on Jasper's back, and between the heat and the smoke, I was starting to feel weak. I knew that it was time to go; there was no more time to wait. But I wasn't willing to leave the man I loved in the house to die. I just couldn't do that. I'd heard of mothers lifting entire cars to save their children before, so I took a shot, wrapping my little arms around Jasper's chest, and pulled with all of my might.

A steady string of curses fell from my lips as I hopped up and down in pain that resulted from kicking the bed in anger when Jasper moved no more than a millimeter. Clearly, I was no superwoman.

All out of ideas, I ran into the bathroom and filled the cup that sat on the sink with cold water. Running back to the bed, I poured it on Jasper's head.

He screamed, sitting up so fast that he knocked me off balance and I fell over, scraping my arm pretty hard on the corner of the dresser.

"What the fuck is going on?" he yelled between hacks. "Bella?"

"I'm here," I sputtered back, even though I knew he couldn't see me through the blackness. Getting back to my feet, I took the shirt I'd been using to cover my face and handed it to Jasper. "Here, tie this for me, please." I offered him my arm, which was dripping blood onto the carpet. "We've got to get out of here."

"Where's Alice?"

"I couldn't find her," I said, sorrow heavy in my voice as I pulled his pajama pants up his legs. "Maybe she got out already."

"I have to look for her," he said as he finished tying the shirt around my bicep. He stood up from the bed, but I could see that he wasn't steady on his feet.

"Jas, baby, I'll go look again. But I've got to get you out of here first; you're only going to slow me down."

He looked drunk as he tried to focus his watery eyes on me. I could tell that he wanted to argue with me, but the pills were still working hard on him, so he just nodded.

Together, we made our way to the bedroom door. My brain kept screaming at me that I should be crawling – stop, drop and roll, and all that other stuff I had learned in elementary school – but walking seemed faster, not to mention more feasible, since I couldn't even imagine how to help support Jasper's weight if we were both on all fours.

With all of the coughing and, in Jasper's case, stumbling, it seemed to take forever to get back into Peter's room. I looked over my shoulder once as we left the hallway, and saw that I'd been right: the fire was growing quickly, and the living room was now full of glowing flames.

Sweat was pouring into my eyes as I pushed the window above the dresser open. Jasper was finally starting to regain full coherence, although his physical capabilities still left a lot to be desired. In the long run, though, a broken arm or leg from jumping out of this window seemed preferable to burning to death, so I helped him climb into the opening.

"I'll be right behind you," I promised as the man that I loved looked back over his shoulder at me.

"I love you, Bella," he said, his voice sounding desperate.

"Always, Jasper," I replied with a smile. "Now go."

I wanted to go back and look once more, still hoping against hope that I would find Alice. But I knew that I couldn't. The fire was devouring the house, and going back in there would be giving it the opportunity to devour me. I watched through tears as Jasper disappeared from sight, and then climbed up onto the dresser myself. I was just about to swing my leg up into the window frame when I heard a long, piercing wail coming from down the hall.

"Alice!" I cried, my heart pounding with the knowledge that my girl was still alive.

Forgetting everything that I'd just told myself about getting to safety, I jumped off of the dresser and ran out into the hall, following the sound of Alice's screams toward the kitchen.

My temporary happiness was quickly deflated when I found the path to the kitchen obstructed by the fire. Even through the smoke and flames and the distortion that the heat caused my vision, I could see her clearly, standing on top of the kitchen counter searching for a way out. Her skin was bright red everywhere that it wasn't covered by soot, and I knew, from the way she was choking and gagging between screams, that she needed to get out of that burning room immediately, or she was going to pass out.

"Alice!" I screamed again, trying to get her attention.

"You!" she screamed, looking at me murderously. "This is all your fault!"  
"Mine?" I cried, confused. "Ali, baby, calm down. I'm trying to help you! I have to go get you help, there's no way I can get you out of there by myself."

"Fuck you, Bella! It was supposed to be you trapped in here, not me!"

Stumbling backwards as her words hit me like baseball bats, I stared at the woman who I'd thought I loved with wide eyes.

"You did this?" I asked, my voice practically a whisper.

"You did this, Isabella Swan," she seethed, spit spewing from her mouth as she spoke. "You ruined everything! Everything!"

I swear, my heart completely stopped as understanding washed over me. Alice set the fire. She was trying to kill us.

She wanted me to die.

I vomited all over the floor, and then threw up twice more in quick succession. My heaves were punctuated by Alice's maniacal laughter.

"You need help," I said, looking up at her with sad eyes as I wiped the edges of my mouth with the back of my hand.

At the sound of exploding glass from behind her, I suddenly remembered where we were. Time was quickly running out, and not just for Alice. I had to get out of the house while I still could.

"I'm sorry, Ali," I said, truly meaning every word. "I'll go get help." She may have wanted me dead, but even after what she'd done, I just couldn't wish the same on her.

"Hold on, Ali. I'll get help!" I called to her as I turned to run toward Peter's room.

Two seconds later, I heard the sound of wood cracking, and everything went black.

**A/N: A quick thank you to Jon Bon Jovi for giving me Blaze of Glory to listen to and snicker at through the writing of this chapter. And yes, I totally just wrote that. It's been planned for awhile and I loved writing it. And you know, you have been saying you're expecting Alice to blow up... Now PLEASE, I can't wait to hear your thoughts!**


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: I am very excited about your reaction from the last chapter. It was meant to take you by surprise just as much as it did Bella, so I'm glad that it did. I've had requests for J or A's POV, but my intent in writing this story was always to only have Bella's, that way we, as the observers of Bella's life, though we had the benefit of objectivity, never knew any more than she did. The chapter you are about to read is the last of the story, but there will be an epilogue to follow. Thanks again for coming along on this wild ride with me.**

**SM owns Twilight. I used her characters to help write my story, so I cannot and will not profit from this work beyond my own enjoyment.**

**Thanks, as always, to Karmabalance and JaspersBella for their assistance and opinions.**

**Last time, on SGH: **

_At the sound of exploding glass from behind her, I suddenly remembered where we were. Time was quickly running out, and not just for Alice. I had to get out of the house while I still could._

"_I'm sorry, Ali," I said, truly meaning every word. "I'll go get help." She may have wanted me dead, but even after what she'd done, I just couldn't wish the same on her. _

"_Hold on, Ali. I'll get help!" I called to her as I turned to run toward Peter's room. _

_Two seconds later, I heard the sound of wood cracking, and everything went black._

**Such Great Heights**

**Chapter 44**

_Beep. Click._

_Beep. Click._

_Beep. Click._

_Beep. Click._

The steady sounds annoyed me out of a peaceful sleep. My eyelids fluttered, but they were so heavy that I couldn't quite open them.

As I lay there with my eyes still closed, the beeps and clicks remaining a constant metronome to my thoughts, I became more aware of myself.

"Ouch," I murmured through lips that felt swollen. My voice sounded so rough, as if I hadn't spoken in a very long time.

"Bella?" the anxious voice of my best friend called from someone near my feet, confusing me.

Why was Victoria here? And for that matter, where exactly was _here_, and why was it so bright?

_Beep. Click._

And why in the hell didn't someone make that sound stop?

Once again trying to open my eyes, I got the tiniest glimpse of my surroundings. The room was stark white and well-lit. Victoria's flame-red hair stood out in stark contrast to the white walls as she leaned toward me, her expression troubled.

I could the words _Jane, RN_ written on the board on the wall behind my friend in green marker.

The hospital?

The recognition was alarming.

It also brought to my attention the fact that I hurt. Everywhere. My head throbbed and my stomach turned with the combination of the pain and the dizziness that I felt once my eyes were fully open.

Quickly squeezing my eyes shut, I concentrated on the rest of my body, searching for a reason as to why I was laying in a hospital bed.

My left side, especially my arm and shoulder, seemed to be the worst, other than my head. The pain was dull, but I could tell that I had medication – and lots of it – to thank for that. I had the distinct impression that the pain was being somehow muffled, and I knew that, once the meds wore off, it was going to be much, much worse.

"Bella?" Victoria called again, on my right now, and closer to me than she was the first time.

"Vic," I croaked, trying, and, I was pretty sure failing, to reach out to her. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?" she asked, her voice laced with concern.

I thought about it for a moment, trying to place where I last remembered being. My brain was swimming through all of the opiates in my head, giving me events, but no clear timeline.

"My tongue... is huge," I observed.

My friend laughed softly, then patted my knee gently. "It's the morphine," she explained. "The doctor mentioned that as one of the possible side effects."

"Water?" I felt like I had swallowed razors.

She paused momentarily before answering. "I'm not sure if you can really drink just yet. They've been letting us wet your lips with this little sponge-on-a-stick thing here, though, so I can do that for you, if you like."

I could hear the regret in her voice at not being able to give me what I really wanted, but figured that it was better than nothing, so I nodded my acceptance.

Gratefully, I sucked on the little sponge, taking in as much of the cool water as I could and letting it refresh me. I stopped when it was dry and she pulled it away.

"Thanks," I rasped, my sore throat still not letting me talk very well. Finally opening my eyes all the way, I took in Victoria's appearance. "You look like hell."

"You're one to talk," she replied, rolling her eyes and letting out a soft, scoffing laugh. Vic started to reach out toward me, but then pulled back, grimacing. "Almost forgot," I heard her mutter softly. I wondered what she meant.

"Will you please tell me what happened? I can't remember anything right."

She looked over her shoulder quickly. "Maybe we should wait. I should probably find the doctor and tell him you've finally woken up."

"Stop stalling, Vic," I demanded. "How long have I been out?"

She heaved a big sigh and furrowed her brow, then sat down in the armchair to the side of my bed. I lifted my IV-riddled hand and tried to reach out to her, but my arm felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, so I let it drop back down on the bed.

"9 days," she said softly, looking concerned when I gasped loudly. Nodding sadly, she continued. "I've been really scared, Bella."

"How did I get hurt?"

She looked over her shoulder again. "I don't know the details. You were at the Whitlock's house. It caught fire. Jasper got out, but he was the only one. They found you near the kitchen, under some fallen beams. They..."

She stopped when I started shaking my head hard, my face a mask of horror as the memory returned to me.

"Alice," I whispered, feeling the tears well in my eyes as I remembered that the girl who I'd thought I was in love with had caused the blaze.

Victoria shook her head. "They couldn't save her," she said apologetically. "Jasper told the police that you tried, that you'd gone back in for her."

I was sobbing now, and the pain in my lungs from the gasping breaths I was taking felt just like I was breathing in fire...again. Flashbacks of the bright orange flames and the sounds of wood splitting and cracking were coming so quickly that I would have sworn I could feel the heat.

"No! No! No!" I cried, begging my friend to save me from the nightmare that had come true.

The beeping of my monitor had become almost a constant shrill sound, and even through my panic, I could hear Victoria's calls for help.

"Get out, Vic! You have to get out of here while there's still time!" I screamed, not wanting my best friend to die with me in the fire.

I heard footsteps rushing toward me, and then everything went black.

Some time later, I opened my eyes, finding myself once again in the stark white hospital room. Renee was sitting in the chair beside me, flipping uninterestedly through an old People magazine.

"Mom?" I called, once again confused and rather groggy, probably the result of whatever medicine I had been given. "What happened?"

"Oh, Bella!" Renee exclaimed, dropping her magazine and bursting into tears. "You gave me such a scare!"

"I'm sorry," I replied, wincing in pain as I tried to sit up a bit in the bed.

"Don't apologize, honey," she begged. "And don't move. Just stay calm. I don't want you to go into another panic. I was down in the cafeteria having lunch the last time you woke up. Victoria told me that you had a panic attack about the fire, and then your heart stopped."

That explained the extra pain, I thought. I'd seen enough medical dramas on television to know what the doctors did when someone's heart stopped. Grimacing, I did my best to relax as my mother asked, and then looked around the room. Leah was in the chair by my feet, and she smiled at me gingerly.

Renee was on her feet now, fidgeting around, fluffing my pillow and arranging all of my tubes and wires. "Are you comfortable?"

I was anything but. My chest hurt as badly as if I'd been hit by a bus. My throat still felt like it was made of barbed wire. And the left side of my body still felt like it was in a lot more pain than I could really comprehend.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked, ignoring her question.

"You were in a fire," Renee started.

I shook my head. "I know that. How badly was I hurt?"

Renee frowned, and I could see the worry lines forming around her eyes. Reaching to the box on the table, she pulled out a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. "They found you under some beams that had fallen from the ceiling. You had a pretty bad concussion from that, and the bone at the top of your left shoulder is cracked too. The smoke inhalation was pretty severe too – you were on a ventilator for the first four days you were in here and they had to do a procedure called a bronchoscopy to get the soot out of your throat because you were having seizures. And then..."

I followed Renee's eyes to my left side as she trailed off. It was the first time I'd looked that way, and I smiled slightly at Angela and Victoria, sitting on a loveseat under the window, before noticing that I looked rather like a mummy.

"Burns," I said, understanding Renee's unspoken thoughts.

"Second degree," she replied, her voice emotionless. "Deep partial thickness. Your whole left arm is pretty bad, and there's a little bit down your side as well, but it's not as bad there."

Fighting back tears, I tried to let my mind wrap around everything she'd just said. Looking away from my mother's pained face, I locked eyes with Leah, knowing she would tell it to me straight. "How bad is it?"

"Skin grafts are likely. There's going to be a lot of scarring. And a lot of pain, when the meds wear off. But you're going to live, which is something we weren't so sure of a few days ago."

I heard the rapid beeping of the monitor before I even recognized that I was beginning to panic once again. Mom was trying to calm me down, but she wasn't having much success. In that moment, I only wanted one thing.

"Where is he?" I demanded through sobs. "I need him."

"Edward is still in Kenya, dear," Renee said, her voice sounding more like a plea.

Without any ability to prevent my reaction, I threw up all over my lap at the mention of Edward's name. Screaming through the pain that it caused me, I just cried harder.

"But I'll go call him right now, baby. I know he's been worried. I'll get him here for you just as quick as I can, Bella, I promise. Please, honey, please calm down. I'll get your Edward here."

I threw up again, and heard Renee run from the room crying for a nurse. Leah was at my side, soothing me and begging me to breathe.

"Where is he?" I demanded again, knowing that my friends would know who I meant.

"Jasper is fine," Angela assured me.

"Where is he?" I demanded again, not understanding why no one would answer my question. "Go get him!"

Angela, looking back and forth between Victoria and Leah in panic, finally nodded to me. "I'll go get him. It's ok, B. I'll go get him."

Shuddering with sobs, I let my body sink back into the mattress while I tried to remember how to breathe. Victoria's hand softly stroked my hair and Leah was still whispering into my ear, encouraging me to stay calm.

Exhaustion was setting in. I had very little energy to begin with, and these emotional surges wore me out quickly. "Make sure I'm cleaned up before he gets here," I begged my friends as my eyes began to close. "Please."

Even through the smoke and flames and the distortion that the heat caused my vision, I could see her clearly, standing on top of the kitchen counter searching for a way out. Her skin was bright red everywhere that it wasn't covered by soot, and she was choking and gagging between screams. Still, she managed to meet my gaze.

"You!" she screamed, looking at me murderously. "This is all your fault!"  
"Mine?" I cried, confused. "Ali, baby, calm down. I'm trying to help you! I have to go get you help, there's no way I can get you out of there by myself."

"Fuck you, Bella! It was supposed to be you trapped in here, not me!"

I swear, my heart completely stopped as understanding washed over me. Alice set the fire. She was trying to kill us.

She wanted me to die.

"Jasper!" I screamed. "It's too hot! Oh god, Jasper, please! We have to get out of here! Where are you?"

Soft hands shook me, waking me from my nightmare, but still I screamed. "Jasper! Jasper, please! I need you!"

"Bella!" a kind voice called, bringing me back into reality. "You're safe here. It's alright. Open your eyes, dear."

Sobbing, I squeezed my fingertips around the hand that held mine. The monitor behind me was still beeping wildly as I struggled to calm myself. My nightmare had been so real; so intense. But I was back in the hospital now. I was safe now.

"Jasper?" I asked softly.

"No, Bella dear," she replied. "I'm sorry. It's Esme."

My eyes opened in a flash of panic and I saw Edward's mother sitting beside me, her expression full of concern. I began to sob all over again as I realized what I'd just done.

Esme reached forward and stroked my forehead in a motherly fashion. "Don't cry, Bella," she requested. "Everything will be alright. I'm not angry with you. There will come a time when you can explain to me why you're calling for a man who isn't my son, but this is not that time. Right now, the only thing you have to worry about is healing."

My sobs quieted, but the tears did not stop. I couldn't understand how she could be so forgiving when it was quite clear that she knew exactly what I'd done. I was too injured and attached to too many machines for a real hug to be possible, but leaning into her as best I could, I allowed myself to find comfort in her quasi-embrace.

"Thank you," I whispered as she squeezed my hand gently once again when my breaths finally began coming at a regular pace.

"I'm just sorry I didn't get here sooner," she replied. "I got on the first flight I could find after Renee called me yesterday.

Just as quickly as it had left me, panic returned. Renee's name reminded me of who else had been called yesterday.

"Is he coming?" I asked, pulling away just enough to allow me to turn my face up to look at her.

Esme frowned sorrowfully and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Bella. He said that..." She stopped, her expression registering anger for a mere second before her kind smile returned. "Well, it doesn't really matter what he said, now does it? But don't you worry, I'm here as long as you need and want me."

With as heavy as sigh as I could muster, I asked the question that I knew she wished that I wouldn't. "What did he say, Esme?"

She turned her head, looking away from me for what seemed like a very long time before meeting my gaze again, her eyes glassy with tears. She swallowed hard, and I almost felt remorseful for making her convey a message which so clearly pained her.

"There was an explosion on the edge of the town where Edward works. A roadside bomb planted by the resistance fighters, most likely. There were several people badly injured."

She paused for a moment while I nodded my understanding. "They were more important to him than me, weren't they?" I asked emotionlessly.

"He said that you had doctors and friends and your mother and me. The villagers had only him. I'm sorry, dear."

I shook my head. The truth was, I didn't care what his reasons were, I was glad that he wasn't there. He wasn't the one I wanted right now anyway.

"Don't be sorry, Esme. He doesn't love me. Not anymore. I've known that for awhile now. But I'm still glad you came. Thank you."

The next afternoon, I woke up to find my room empty except for Angela, who occupied the chair to my right.

"Hey there, sleepy head," she greeted with a smile.

"Have I been out for a long time again?" I asked, not really having much concept of time since I'd been in the hospital.

"Your pain levels got pretty high while you were with Esme last night, and the doctors upped the dosages. The stuff knocks you out pretty hard, it seems."

"Did he come while I was sleeping?"

Angela just frowned and shook her head.

"How long have I been in here, Ang?" I asked.

"Seventeen days," she replied after looking up at the calendar above my head.

"And how many times has he come to see me?"

Her furtive glance was all the answer I needed. "You told me that he was ok, Ang. I know I got him out of the house, but that's all I know. I need you to tell me what's going on." I paused for a moment, giving her a pleading look. "You're one of my very best friends, Angela. Please just tell me the truth."

My friend looked over her shoulder, wishing, I'm sure, that someone would come in and interrupt us before she had to give me an answer. Fortunately for me, though, no one did, so she sighed heavily, turning back to me and reaching out for my hand.

"You did get him out of the fire," she began. "He was in the hospital for two days. His stomach had to be pumped almost immediately, and then he was treated for smoke inhalation." She paused at my gasp, nodding sadly. "He had way too many sleeping pills in his system," she continued. "The doctors said that you saved his life, in more ways than one."

I smiled lightly, glad that I'd not given up trying to wake him that night.

"After he was released, he was pretty tied up with the police and the kids... But Leah kept him informed of your condition through texts. But he stopped texting back the day before you woke up."

"Why?" I asked, confused. "What happened then?"

Angela patted my hand and furrowed her brow. "We didn't know. There was just no response from him, not even when we told him you woke up. That day that you had the panic attack, I went looking for him, just like I promised."

"You couldn't find him?" I asked, beginning to panic.

"Calm down, B," she urged, squeezing my fingers. "It took some effort, but I found him at that diner you told me about. He looked pretty awful, like he hadn't slept since the fire. I sat down with him and told him what was going on, and that you needed him."

"Then why didn't he come back with you?" I asked mournfully. My panic had now been replaced by sadness.

She sighed again. "He had papers in his hands when I got there, and gave them to me to read. They were emails, mostly, stuff they'd found in Alice's computer when they were looking for evidence. It wasn't good."

Shaking her head, Angela closed her eyes for a moment before continuing. "There was an email from Tanya, offering Alice proof of your..." she held up her fingers and made air quotes, "affair with Emmett. There were several emails that appeared to be from you to Tanya, talking about how good Emmett was in bed."

"What?" I howled, furious. "I never! I swear to god, Angela, I never!"

"I know, B, I know," she assured me, rubbing her hand over my un-injured shoulder, trying to soothe me. "But Jasper doesn't. He thinks the emails are real. So he sat in that diner, asking me what else you'd lied to him about. He's convinced that you're still with Maria too."

I shook my head rapidly. "But none of that is true! It's not even a little tiny bit true!" I paused for a moment, my expression contorting as my thoughts took me down a winding road that I would have preferred to avoid. "He thinks I'm a whore."

"I told him that it wasn't true," she promised. "But he said that he needed time to think. Between the questions about you and all the guilt he's feeling about Alice – if you think Tanya's emails were bad, you should have seen the things that Alice was sending Lauren about you and Jasper! She swore that you two were cheating behind her back and that she had repeatedly asked Jasper to leave you, but he wouldn't." Noting the horrified expression on my face, she nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, like I said, it was pretty bad."

"Alice was typing something in the office before the fire," I mused.

"That was the email to Jasper," Angela explained. "She sent it about an hour before the fire started. It seems like she was trying to set Jasper up – make the fire look like a suicide or something. She told him that she was going to pick up the kids from his friend and taking off from there, that he should not look for her because she'd never let a lying, cheating bastard like him near her children ever again."

"What a bunch of bull shit," I muttered, feeling almost sick to my stomach over the fact that Alice had planned the entire disaster. Then, a stray thought crossed my mind and I snorted.

"What?" Angela asked.

"Guess karma's a real bitch after all..."

A week and a half and a skin grafting later, I was staying awake for longer periods of time, but wishing that I wasn't. I was getting pretty severely depressed, which Leah told me was to be expected, given my injuries and the trauma of the fire. And while the fire and the physical pain it had caused me were definitely not helping my emotional health, the biggest problem that I could see was that Jasper still hadn't come to see me. Leah urged me to focus on what good things remained in my life, but I was coming to the conclusion that I had survived the fire just so that I could watch my life fall apart before my eyes.

Silent tears were falling down my cheeks as I laid in my bed, staring out the window while I drowned in feelings of loneliness. A soft knock followed by the sound of the door opening started me, interrupting my melancholy.

"Good afternoon, Bella," Esme's soft voice called as she entered the room. She frowned when she saw my tear-stained cheeks, and made her way to my bedside quickly, pulling a tissue from the box and dabbing at my face. "Having a difficult day, dear?"

"Every day is difficult now," I answered flatly, barely raising my eyes from the plain white sheets.

Sighing, Esme sat down in the armchair and wrapped both her hands around my uninjured right hand. "Bella," she began, "I know that you're in a great deal of pain, both physically and emotionally. You've lost so much in such a short time that it must seem to you that you have nothing left. But let me tell you, sweetheart, you have _not_, in fact, lost _every_thing. Your friends have not left the hospital since they arrived; they've been showering here in your room and sleeping anywhere they can find. You very obviously have three amazing women in your life."

"Four," I said, smiling up at Esme, who squeezed my hand in reply.

"Thank you," she said with a smile. "No matter how bad things may seem, my dear, please just remember this: One cannot appreciate the good unless they've experienced the bad. You're going through one of the deepest lows possible right now, Bella. But that just means you're ready for such great heights."

Tears began to fall from my eyes once again. This time, though, I wasn't crying out of misery. Esme was right. I had been through so much already. It could only get better. I just had to hope.

She dabbed at my eyes once again. "No more tears, dear, we need to make you presentable. You have a visitor outside – a young man – and I think I've made him wait long enough."

My breath caught in my throat as I heard her words. Had he finally come?

"Stay calm, now, Bella. You know that you can't get too excited without causing yourself more discomfort." She leaned down and kissed my forehead. "You have a nice visit with your friend, and I will see you this evening."

Meeting her eyes, I thanked her sincerely, and then watched as she left the room. I could hear her conversing with someone outside the room while I waited rather impatiently for my guest to enter.

Finally, footsteps that sounded much heavier than the ones caused by Esme's high heeled shoes started toward me. I held my breath and closed my eyes, praying that the man that I'd been waiting for so long would be standing in front of me when I opened them.

"Wow, you have more gauze on you than Eric did when he dressed up last Halloween," came the voice of my coworker, and sometimes partner, Mike Newton.

Trying my best to hide my disappointment as I opened my eyes, I forced myself to give Mike a smile. "Skin grafts," I explained. "The operation was late last week."

Bringing his hand from behind his back, Mike held up a large vase filled with brightly-colored Gerber daisies. "They're from the whole office," he offered, smiling as he set them down on the tray table beside my bed. "Eric couldn't really leave right now since Mary is still on maternity leave, so I volunteered to come check on you. How _are_ you, Bella?"

Grimacing and fighting back tears, I gave a one-shouldered shrug. "I've been better."

Nodding, he agreed. "You've definitely looked better." He paused, his face turning red with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, that was really rude."

"It was honest, at least," I replied.

Mike looked around the room. "Lots of flowers," he observed. "You may not look your best, but you're still prettier than most of them," he added with a smile.

Looking down at my sheets, I shook my head. "I liked it better when you were just being honest."

"Should I get you a mirror, Bella?" he asked. "Your arm is messed up, yes, but Bella, you were a hero. That's just your battle scar. Your face, however, is not scarred, just tired and sad. You're just as pretty now as your were before. I don't know why you can't see yourself clearly."

I wasn't really sure how to respond. I hadn't thought of myself as pretty for a long time, specifically since Edward stopped thinking that I was, I supposed.

Trying to stifle the awkwardness in the room, Mike started picking up the cards that were attached to each bouquet of flowers and reading them to me. "Rose and Emmett. Your future boss, Carmen," he read, looking up at me with a raised brow at the second name. "Carlisle Cullen, tu querida Maria..." Again, I got an eyebrow raise.

Mike read through every card, and I never stopped him. Not one of them was from Jasper, or, for that matter, Edward. It hurt immensely, but I hadn't really expected anything else. What really surprised me, however, was that I wouldn't be the only one to notice.

"I don't see your husband's name here," Mike commented.

"Yeah... Well..." There wasn't really anything that I could say to that.

Mike shook his head. "I'll never understand why you're so willing to accept people treating you like shit," he said. "Especially when you should be treated like a queen."

Wiping away a tear, I desperately tried to hold myself together. "I don't know why you're so sure of that. Maybe I'm not as great as you think."

I wasn't great, after all. Mike, I was sure, had put me up on a pedestal. He didn't know that I was the girl who cheated on her husband with not one, but two people. At the same time. He didn't know that I was too selfish and afraid to tell Edward how I really felt so that we could both live our lives. He didn't know that I had driven a woman crazy, quite literally.

Gesturing toward the flowers all around the room, Mike shook his head vehemently. "I disagree. And clearly, I'm not the only one."

"Why are you so nice to me, Mike?" I asked.

"Because you deserve it, Bella. I know what you're feeling; I've seen it all along with you. But you're wrong, Bella," he said, stressing the last few words. "You _are_ worth it. And someday, I hope you'll see that too."

I was fully crying now, my deepest insecurity having just been displayed for me. Mike walked over and knelt down beside my bed, taking my hand.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Bella. I'm sorry." He looked genuinely concerned for my welfare. "Shit. Esme told me that I had to keep you calm."

"Don't apologize," I urged in a choked voice. "It's just hard to hear... I'm not used to it."

What I didn't say was that his words hurt even more because it was him saying them, and not Jasper, like it should have been.

"Still," he said softly. "I'm sorry."

With watery eyes, I met his gaze. For once, I allowed myself to look at him, really look. He was actually a very handsome man, in a clean-cut sort of way. Better yet, he was a good man. A caring man. And I'd been too caught up in everything else to ever notice that before.

"I always pick wrong. I should have said yes to you a long time ago," I whispered, admitting my mistake.

Mike chuckled. "Probably," he agreed with a smile. "But now it's too late."

"Because I'm horrible looking?"

"No," he laughed. "Because I already found someone who knew that I was worth it. It's early still, but I think she might really be something."

The smile on his face told me that he was probably right.

"I'm happy for you," I said, meaning it.

"You'll find it too, Bella," he replied kindly. "Surely I'm not the only man on earth who will see you for the amazing woman you are. Just promise me one thing, ok?"

"What's that?"

"Stop settling for less."

I knew it might be the hardest promise I'd ever have to keep, but it might also be the best one.

"I will," I promised, squeezing his hand.

Mike looked over his shoulder. "I better get going. There's about fifteen people standing outside your door right now, and, from the looks of things, they think I just proposed." He paused, and we both had a good laugh. "I'll see you back at work, ok? I'll try not to outshine you too much between now and then." He kissed the top of my hand and winked at me. "Get well soon, Ms. Swan."

Another week passed, and I continued to get better. I still wasn't completely healed, but the doctors said that the worst had passed. Victoria, Leah, and Angela were still living in the hospital with me, and, with the permission of my nurses, sneaking in pizzas and burgers every night since I was beyond tired of hospital food. Vic said that she would have brought margaritas too, but Leah nearly killed her for that, reminding her of the many medications I was still taking. Alcohol or not, it was really nice having them there with me, and I knew that I was incredibly lucky that they'd been able to take so much time away from their jobs to do it.

There had been quite a scene after Mike Newton's exit from my hospital room, my friends, Renee, and Esme practically tripping over each other in their rush to find out if I was engaged. I laughed at all of them and assured them that I was not, but despite the humor I found in the situation, it led to a long talk with both Esme and my mother. I knew that Mike was right, and the first step in keeping my promise was to be honest about my life. Sure, I left out a lot of details, which, I'm sure, if they knew the whole story, my mother and mother-in-law would be grateful for. But they at least got the truth about my marriage and the fact that it was irrevocably damaged.

Leah and I talked a lot about the fire and the events that led up to it. She couldn't be my therapist professionally – the hospital had one of those provided to me already anyway – but we talked about it as friends. Leah helped me to understand that Alice's actions were not rational or foreseeable. She'd snapped, plain and simple, at least as far as the arson was concerned. My therapist wanted me to mourn Alice's death, but Leah understood why I couldn't. My therapist wanted me to mourn the loss of Jasper as well. Leah understood why I wouldn't.

Still, there's a lot to be said for hitting rock bottom.

On the day that I was moved into the lowest level room in the burn unit, which was my last step before getting discharged, I sent my entourage out to the nearest mall to find me some pajamas that didn't show my ass and some slippers so that I could start walking around the hospital. I'd been in the hospital for over five weeks now. That meant that I'd been in bed way too long.

With the room so quiet for a change, I'd taken advantage of my solitude and taken a nice nap. Stretching my good arm as I woke up from a dream of laying on a beach, I let out a satisfied sigh and then took a deep breath in.

"Jasper," I whispered. I hadn't seen or heard from him in weeks, but I recognized his scent immediately, knowing it was him before I even opened my eyes.

Using my good arm, I propped myself up, eyes wide as I saw him sitting in the corner. Tears fell without my permission as the love I'd felt for him came rushing back to me, overcoming me. As much as I'd wanted him to appear for so long, it hurt to see him there.

He stared at me, but made no move to come closer to me.

"Jasper?" I called softly.

I could see the redness of his eyes and the wet lines on his cheeks. I began to feel self-conscious when he still didn't come closer.

I was just about to call him again when he stood up. "I can't do this yet," he said in a tight voice. "I need more time."

"I'm sorry, what?" I said, outraged. It had been five weeks, and he wanted to abandon me again?

"I'm not abandoning you," he said, letting me know that I'd spoken my thoughts aloud.

"Then what in the hell do you call leaving me here alone? I almost died, Jasper! I almost died and you didn't care enough to even check on me. How is that not abandoning me?"

"I love you, Bella. I never stopped loving you, even while I wasn't here. I just... I can't be with you right now, no matter how much I want to be. I want _us_, B. You and me. For real. But I need time! What would I tell everyone if I was with you now? Can you just give me some time?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but didn't get the chance. Victoria stormed into the door, her red hair flying behind her and her eyes wild with rage.

"You've had more than enough time, Douchemonkey, while you let Bella suffer alone! You left the woman that you are supposed to love while she was..."  
"Victoria!" I cried, forcing my voice to be louder than hers.

Her head whipped around into my direction, but her finger remained pointed right at Jasper's face. "Don't you dare tell me that you're going to forgive him, Bella."

"Vic," I replied calmly. "I need you to leave. I need to talk to Jasper. Alone."

"If you forgive him, I'll..."  
"Please, Vic," I implored. "Just give us some privacy."

Victoria shook her head at me, frowning, and then scowled at Jasper once more before leaving, slamming the door on her way out.

"I'm sorry about that," I said, gesturing toward the door as the echo of the slam still resounded in the room.

"Does that mean that you'll wait for me?" he asked, taking a step closer and looking at me with pleading eyes.

It was almost impossible to look into his deep brown eyes, the eyes that I'd gotten lost in so many times before, and not break down. I wanted to demand answers. I wanted to beg him not to leave me. I wanted him to forget about talking and just press his lips to mine.

But more than all that, I wanted better from him.

"No," I replied.

"No? But Bella, can't you understand what I'm saying? I want us to be together, I just need..."

"I know what you need," I interrupted. "And there was a time when that would have mattered to me more than anything. But what I need should be as important to you as what you need is to me. And I learned something really important in the last five weeks: it's not." I shook my head, emphasizing my point. "It's so blatantly obvious that it's not, Jasper. You didn't give two shits about how much pain I was in these last five weeks. Pain that _you_ caused, not Alice. The pain you caused by not being here when I needed you most."

I could see that my words were hurting him. He was blanching away as if I spoke in baseball bats instead of words. But I kept on.

"You're selfish, Jasper. So very selfish. And I could give you the time that you need now, but what would happen then? You won't change. You will never put me first. I could love you for the rest of my life, Jasper, but you would never put me first. You would just keep hurting me over and over."

"No, Bella... Please, that's not true."

"It is, Jasper," I replied flatly. "You have no idea how much it hurt me to realize that. But you've already proved that I'm right. It took me entirely too long to realize this, but I deserve better. I deserve to be loved the right way, and you just can't do that. I thought you could, but now I see."

"Bella, I love you, don't you know that? I'm nothing without you."

I looked at him for what I was sure would be the last time, taking in every detail to preserve in my memory.

"I love you too, Jasper. But I love me more. Please, just go."

I turned my face away from him and looked out the window, willing myself to be strong. I was proud to report, when my friends came back in a few hours later, that I'd managed to hold off the tears until after the door closed behind him.

**A/N: This is the last chapter of the story, but there will be an epilogue, which I hope to have posted by next week. I'm waiting on pins and needles to see what you thought.**


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: Once again, thank you all so much for your support with this story. I hope you enjoy the ending. This is it! Important a/n at the end!**

**I don't own the characters. The story is mine. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Such Great Heights**

**Epilogue**

Sitting in a dimly-lit bar with my three best friends, I held up my shot glass, smiling as I took a deep inhale of the strong scent that could only be Patron.

"Thank you girls so much for coming out. It means the world to me."

"We wouldn't have missed it for the world," Victoria assured, raising her glass in anticipation.

"Really," Angela agreed, laughing. "After all, who'd pass up a free trip to visit their long-lost best friend in Los Angeles?"

"I haven't been away _that_ long!" I insisted.

"Long enough," Vic argued.

I looked at Leah for assistance.  
"What?" she asked, laughing. "I'm not going to complain. You actually live near me now! But it _has_ been way too long since we've all been together."

I nodded in agreement. It had been almost two years since my release from the burn unit in Vegas, which was the last time the four of us had been together.

"Well," I began. "Here's to more fun times together, and to the friendship that I could never live without."

"1, 2, 3, fuck it!" we chorused, throwing our shots back.

"Oh, hey! Here comes my boss!" I shouted, waving to Carmen as she walked into the bar. "You guys will love her!"

I waved to the bartender, signaling that we needed another round, and then welcomed Carmen to the table, introducing her to everyone.

Angela was giggling. "I can't believe I'm sitting right here with LatinGoddess!" she exclaimed. "I'm totally fangirling, sorry."

Carmen laughed. "Don't worry, Bella did the same thing," she said with a wink in my direction. "I'm glad you were all able to come out. I trust the flight went well?"

"Yes," Victoria replied. "And thank you for the upgrade to business class. That was great. Maybe even great enough to make me forgive you for stealing my best friend away."

"Hey, I just gave her an offer she couldn't refuse," Carmen said, shrugging.

She surely had. After returning to Arizona, I'd struggled to adapt to my life when everything seemed to be exactly the same when I knew that nothing would ever be the same again. The therapist had suggested that making a major change in my life, after everything else that had just happened, might be a bad idea. I disagreed, and to this day, I know that I made the right decision.

Carmen offered me the job in LA four months after I went back to work at the paper. It was the same job she'd been trying to convince me to take since I'd first met her, but this time, I said yes. Victoria and Esme helped me pack up the house, and I donated most of the furniture to charity. I wanted a completely fresh start.

"So, how is the new house coming?" Angela asked, bringing me back into the conversation.

"It's great. I can't wait to show it to you guys. The music room is my favorite," I said proudly. That had been the first room I'd finished. "All that's left to decorate is the guest room, and Esme is coming down next weekend to help me with that."

"I think it's so amazing that Esme stood by you through everything," Leah said. "She's quite a woman."

I wholeheartedly agreed. I had spent so much time worrying that leaving Edward would mean losing the mother-in-law that I loved so dearly, but she surprised me. Not only did she stand by me, but it was with her help that I divorced Edward, and not to mention the ridiculously generous settlement she demanded he give me.

"Have you heard anything about Edward lately?" Victoria asked.

I laughed so hard that I nearly knocked over the waitress as she arrived with our next round of shots. "Oh my god, Vic. You will die when you hear this." I paused dramatically, making sure I had everyone's attention. "Edward. Is. Gay."

The eight eyes facing me were all as wide as could be. "What?" Vic squealed. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"Nope!" I replied, shaking my head and giggling. "That was why he never wanted to come back from Kenya. Apparently there is an Egyptian doctor working there as well, named Amun. Eddie's smitten."

The girls just shook their heads, laughing. "James will be so disappointed," Vic said through giggles. "He always had a thing for ole Eddie boy."

Throwing my arms around Vic, we both laughed heartily. "I'm so glad you're here," I said as I got my breathing under control.

"Me too," she agreed.

"We all are. Everyone's happy. Now come on, ladies! Let's do a shot!" Leah demanded.

"Hey, wait a second," Angela began, eyeing me with a smirk. "Speaking of smitten, tell us again how you found him."

Blushing, I smiled widely. "It was the silliest thing," I explained. "I was at Albertson's, in the produce section, and he was standing there picking out clementines – those are his favorite. He smiled at me, and I just froze."

Vic laughed, shaking her head. "Oh Bella, you always did have a certain smoothness..."

I scowled playfully as the rest of my friends giggled along with her.

"Anyway," I announced, interrupting their fun. "He walked over to me, his smile never fading, and I finally remembered how to speak again and said hi."

"Such a way with words," Carmen teased. "Amazing that I hired you to be a journalist!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. It works for me, ok? We're here tonight to celebrate that, after all!"

Elbowing me, Leah gave me a knowing smile. "We wouldn't tease you if we didn't love you. Now how about that shot, lover girl?"

Raising out glasses, the five of us smiled as the background music was silenced and the lights began to dim. "The show's about to start," I said with a huge grin. "To new beginnings?"

"Here, here!" Angela agreed.

"1, 2, 3, fuck it!"

Setting my shot glass back on the table, I turned around to face the stage, my elbows resting on the bar table behind me. I had a huge smile on my face as the band took the stage, the drummer taking a running leap onto the stage from the other side of the bar to get there. Once he was seated behind his drum set, he banged his sticks together and counted the band in.

Turning to Angela and Vic on my left, I pointed excitedly toward the stage. "There he is!"

The five of us cheered and whistled as the first song began. It was melodic rock with a heavy bass line, and I absolutely loved the sound. I could tell my friends were digging it too – Angela was tapping her foot with the beat.

When the first song came to an end, the lead singer grabbed a bottle off of the floor and took a long swig of beer while he waited for the applause to quiet, then he came back to the mic with a big grin on his face.

"Thank you guys so much for coming out tonight! We're Invincible Moose and we're thrilled to be playing The Viper Room tonight. This is huge for us and we are so fucking glad you came out here to share the night with us!" He paused for a minute while the crowd went wild.

"Alright, alright, listen up, people!" he continued. "We've got some extra special ladies in the audience tonight, who came in from out of state to support us, and as a thank you, I'd like to personally buy this table a round of tequila," he called, pointing us out to the bartender.

"Now enjoy the show! Our next song is called 'Too Full to Drink'."

We all cheered as the bassist began playing a killer riff that led the rest of the band into the song.

An hour later, Invincible Moose's set was over and they were packing up their gear. The lights in the bar had brightened and the ladies and I were discussing the show over bottles of beer when warm arms wrapped around me from behind.

"How'd you ladies like the show?" he asked, pulling me closer to him.

"You guys are amazing!" Angela exclaimed. "Please tell me there's a CD I can buy!"

"No need to buy, I've got a bunch in the car. I'll give you one on the way out, if that's alright."

Angela beamed, then winked at me. "The benefits of having an in with the band," she sighed.

The rest of my friends complimented him as well, and I turned in his arms, planting a kiss right on his lips. "That may have been the best you guys have ever sounded," I said truthfully.

"It's the venue," he replied, grinning. "This place is amazing!"

"Alright, so I guess I'm being rude. Introductions?" I was met with several eager nods. "Alright. This," I said, gesturing to each of them, "is Vic, that's Angela, and you've met Leah. That one there is my boss, Carmen. And this, ladies," I continued, a broad smile lighting my face as I rested my hand on my boyfriend's chest. "Is Invincible Moose's bassist extraordinaire, and my own personal rockstar, Garrett Oswald."

Hands were shaken and even a few hugs given. Garrett slipped an arm around my waist casually and then addressed my friends.

"Thank you guys again for coming out. This was a big night for the band, and it's really cool that you could make it. And I know I'm personally glad to meet you. I've heard so much about you all from Bella that I feel like I know you already." He paused for a minute, turning toward the bar and gesturing to the bartender to request another round of shots.

"I also want to thank you guys for being there for Bella all the time, but especially two years ago. She's said over and over that she never would have made it through the recovery process without you ladies, and so I owe you a lot. Your friend here," he said, kissing my forehead. "Is an amazing woman. I love her so much, and I'm so glad that she found her way here to me."

Jerking my head around to look at the man standing behind me, my eyes wide. "You love me?" I asked in a voice filled with awe.

He looked deep into my eyes and smiled, nodding. "I do."

I threw my arms around his neck and rose up on my toes to reach his lips, trying my best to express how he had just made me feel through a kiss. It wasn't deep or lustful, but it was hard. When I finally pulled away, I focused on the clear blue of his eyes. "I love you, Garrett. I've wanted to say that to you for weeks, I've just been too afraid."

Brushing a stray hair back from my face, he gave me a soft kiss on the forehead. "No more fear, Bella. I love you."

We kissed one more time before we finally remembered that we were standing in the middle of The Viper Room, surrounded by, it turned out, not only my friends but also the rest of his band, all of whom were holding up shot glasses toward us.

"Now I see why she calls him 'Swoon'," Vic said, smirking knowingly at Leah.

I laughed as my face blushed bright red. "Shut up, you!"

Carmen handed the two us of a shot of our own, and we raised them up toward our friends.

"Here's to having no fear," she said.

"1, 2, 3 fuck it!" we chorused.

The next afternoon, Victoria, Angela, Leah, Leah's new boyfriend Jacob, Garrett and I spent the afternoon at the LA County Fair. It was a great time, but by two o'clock, I was really feeling overheated thanks to the light sweater I wore over my tank top.

Garrett, noticing the redness of my face, suggested that I take off my sweater, even offering to carry it for me.

"I'm alright," I hedged, knowing that taking off my sweater meant displaying my scars for everyone to see. Despite my therapist's insistence that I shouldn't be ashamed of the scars that covered my left arm, souvenirs of the worst night of my life, I was still reluctant to let them show.

He pulled me aside and stopped, turning toward me. "You're beautiful, Bella, scars and all. Remember what I told you last night? No more fear."

Shaking my head, I wondered how it was that he always seemed to know what I was thinking, no matter how hard I tried to hide it.

"Look, Bella, some people might look at your arm and just see scars. When I look at your arm, though, I see your strength and your beauty. One person's "oops" is another's art, you know? So stop hiding. Be proud of who you are, because I'm damn proud to be with you."

Swooning for probably the thousandth time since I'd first met him, I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand, then peeled the sweater off and handed it to him. "Thank you. You are wonderful, for many reasons, but mostly for loving _me._"

When we rejoined the group, Leah gave me a knowing smile and nodded at Garrett, clearing understanding the exchange that had just occurred without having heard it, and I smiled back.

"You two ready for the pirate ship?" she asked. The ship had always been Leah's favorite fair ride.

"Aye matey!" Garrett agreed. "Let's hurry! Maybe we'll find ourselves swashbuckling some real pirates!"

Giggling like crazy, I nudged Victoria. "He says swashbuckling! Who says that? I love this man!"

Vic shook her head, laughing with me. "You are both dorks. You're perfect for each other."

Linking arms with my best friend, I looked ahead and saw the tip of the pirate ship as it rose up to the highest point, far above the crowds walking below, and started down the path toward it. We were halfway there when the sound of an amplified acoustic guitar stopped me in my tracks.

My breath caught in my throat as I stood there, frozen, in the middle of the walkway, listening to the opening notes of the song I hadn't heard in so long. It took everyone a moment to realize that I'd stopped walking with them, but I didn't react when they called my name, trying to get my attention. Instead, I turned and walked toward the sound, right into the crowd.

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned," he sang.

I kept walking forward as my wide eyes found him, standing up on a small stage with his Taylor hanging from a strap over his shoulder.

"I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay," he continued.

I was completely in shock. Over two years had passed since he walked out of my hospital room, and now here he was, right in front of me, on a stage, singing _our_ song. Tears fell without my permission, staining my cheeks as I made my way to the front of the crowd, until I was standing right in front of him.

"...when you're away and I am missing you to death," he sang, his voice breaking on the words when he looked down and saw me.

He managed me finish the song, but his eyes, which looked pained rather than soulful like I'd always remembered, never left my face.

"I'm gonna take a quick break," he announced into the mic when the song was over. "Thanks everyone for listening. I'll be back in just a few."

Setting his guitar down on the stand near the back of the stage, Jasper crossed the stage again and hopped down so that he was standing next to me.

"Bella," he whispered reverently. "I heard you lived here now. I so hoped I'd be able to find you, but wow, that was the best timing ever, wasn't it?"

I stared at him, still speechless. I was having trouble believing that he was really standing in front of me after all this time.

"How are you?" he asked after realizing that I wasn't going to say anything.

Smiling awkwardly, I told him that I was doing well, and then politely asked how he was.

"I'm ok, I guess," he said. "Lonely." He reached out to touch me, but I took a step back, preventing him. "I've missed you, Bella. Every single day. You leaving me... It's been impossible to get over that."

I wanted to argue with him that it had really been him who left me, but I didn't see the point. It didn't matter anymore who had left who or why. "I'm sorry it's been hard for you," I said flatly. "It wasn't easy for me either."

The hardest part, really, had been making the realization while I was in the hospital that our relationship wasn't as strong as I'd thought. We'd had conversations – arguments, really – about both Emmett and Maria before, and I'd sworn over and over that there was nothing there in either case. But one email from Tanya and his faith in me had disappeared. It had been so difficult to admit, but I knew the minute Angela told me of his reason for not visiting me in the hospital that we had no future. I mean, what kind of relationship can you have without trust? But knowing that something is wrong doesn't make giving it up any easier. It had been anything but easy, really. Lots of tears, lots of therapy, and lots of alcohol, if I was being honest, had gone into the "get over Jasper" efforts.

"Bella, it doesn't have to be this way," he said, reaching out for my hand. He moved faster than I did this time, and the next thing I knew, he was holding my hand between both of his. "I love you, Bella, as much as ever. I messed up before, I see that now. I should have been there for you."

"You should have," I agreed. "But you were too busy worrying about what other people thought about our relationship and what other people said about me."

"I won't make that mistake again, Bella. Please, just give me another chance. You're my muse and my hope. You are the best thing that ever happened to me."

Before I could even open my mouth to answer, a hand grabbed my wrist gently and pulled my hand out of Jasper's grasp. "I'll thank you to keep your hands off of my girl," Garrett said, his voice even and calm.

I looked up at my boyfriend, worried that he might be angry with me, but there was no trace of jealousy on his face.

"Are you alright, Bella?" he asked.

Smiling, I nodded my head, then turned back to face Jasper, who looked as though he'd just been punched in the junk.

"Jasper," I began, remembering my conversation with Mike Newton in the hospital years before and feeling stronger. "That's all really nice to hear, but you're too late. I found someone who loves me the way I deserve, who didn't need three years to realize that I was special." Reaching back, I held my hand out to Garrett, and he took it, stroking my palm with his thumb. "Had you come along and said all of those things in the first few months after everything went down, I might have said yes. But I've had a lot of time to think about what happened all that time ago, and the truth is, whether Garrett was here or not, I'd still say no."

Jasper looked crushed, and while I felt bad for hurting him, I didn't question my choice. Seeing him again reminded me of all of the hurt and the insecurity I'd felt for years. We'd had good times together, yes. And there had been a time when I'd been sure that what we had was true love. But I understood now that love wasn't supposed to hurt, and with us, it always had.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I said sincerely. "I'm sorry for all that you lost and all the hurt you've had to endure. I really hope that someday, you find someone who is as right for you as Garrett is for me." I smiled lovingly at my boyfriend before returning my attention to my ex. "Good luck, Jasper."

With one last smile, I turned and gave Garrett's hand a tug. "Come on, honey," I said. "Our friends are waiting for us."

As the two of us walked in peaceful silence toward the pirate ship, I thought about my life and the crazy, winding path I'd taken to get to where I was. A couple of years ago, I couldn't have imagined that my life would end up here, but as Garrett gave my hand a squeeze, I realized that, even thought it wasn't the ending I'd expected, I was still getting my happily ever after.

**A/N: First of all, I want to thank you, my readers, for coming along on this journey with me. I know it hasn't been an easy one – definitely not all bright and sunny. It wasn't always easy for me to write, either, as some of you know. But I'm glad that I did it, as I learned a lot from it. **

**I know that I said a while back that this would have a sequel or even be a trilogy, but that's not where it took me. And really, you would have hated me if I'd written the sequel anyway, because it would have taken Bella FOREVER to learn her lesson in that case, and it would have been torture to write...and read. So the story is actually ending here. **

**Second, I have to thank PassionistaB, Karmabalance, and JaspersBella, who were always there to help me figure things out when I was writing this. I know I couldn't have gotten it done without you three.**

**Third, the biggest thank you ever to my real life Vic, Leah and Angela, as well as my "brother" ScuitoLover. I couldn't have written it if I didn't get through it, and you know I couldn't have done that without you. You are the best friends anyone could ever ask for.**

**Fourth, I want to thank TheLyricalCutie, who has always been there on Twitter when I needed a cheerleader. Thank you so much for the endless support!**

**Finally, I want to thank my Daddy and my Swoon, who knew I was good enough and helped me see what love is supposed to be. I love you both.**

**As a special treat to you for sticking with me, here's a special "Where are they now" section so you can learn what happened to the rest of the characters in the 2 years since the story ended.**

**Mike Newton married the girl that he told Bella about in the hospital. Her name was Emily and she was a member of the city council that he met while working on the park story with Bella. **

**Peter and Charlotte had spent a lot of time in counseling to deal with their mother's death, but both children are doing well.**

**Lauren was arrested and found guilty of conspiracy to commit arson after it was discovered that she had provided Alice with the information needed to burn down the Whitlock's house. She was also found guilty of conspiracy to evade prosecution when the police found plane tickets to South America for Alice and the children on Lauren's credit card bill. In total, Lauren was sentenced to 10 years in prison for her role in Alice's crimes.**

**Maria is still married to Felix, and plans to stay that way. She continues to flirt with Bella to this day, but that's just how Maria is.**

**Emmett and Rose are still together and very happy, despite Tanya's accusations about Emmett's "illicit affair" with Bella. A song from Emmett's latest album, which was self-produced, was recently heard by the right person and a record deal is in the works.**

**Victoria's douchemonkey, James, was recently sent back to jail, this time for solicitation of sex in an airport men's room. **

**Tanya moved to America from her home in Eastern Europe in order to pursue a "relationship" with a famous actor/musician. Despite telling everyone that she knew that she and this individual were very much in love, he recently announced to TMZ that his girlfriend – a "burlesque dancer" from LA – was pregnant, and pictures of Tanya tied up and servicing one of the previously mentioned gentleman's roadies recently surfaced on the internet. Tanya, as ever the lying whore that she always was, is likely working on a story to explain this. We haven't heard it yet, though.**


End file.
